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Night Elf

Divorce

Divorce  

430 members have voted

  1. 1. Are your parents divorced?

    • Yes
      159
    • No
      254
    • Other - please explain.
      17


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I was just wondering how prevalent divorce might be for us adults. Are your parents divorced? Mine divorced when I was 6 years old.

 

Maybe I should have phrased it Did your parents divorce, to cover the fact that maybe one of your parents is widowed, which is not my question.

Edited by Night Elf

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No, they have been married fifty-four years, but for my mom's emotional, mental, and.financial health they should be divorced. Sigh....

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I voted other because my parents were married for more than 40 years, so I was not a CHILD of divorce and it was not part of my upbringing. They divorced after I was well into adulthood.

Edited by Kinsa

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Other, my parents never married each other. Technically, I'm not sure they were ever dating. If they had married, they would have divorced, 110% sure of that.

 

ETA: My dad is the middle child of seven siblings. He's only married once, but had two children with my mom before marrying. Only one of his six siblings has never divorced, but her first husband died in an accident.

Edited by BarbecueMom

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No, they've been together for 47 years. My in-laws are divorced. They divorced after 25 years of marriage when all their children were adults.

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My parents have been married for 56 years.  They got married at 29 and 25.  

 

None of my dad's siblings or my mom's siblings have gotten divorced either, but my cousins are an entirely different story.  Several have divorced through the years.  

 

DH's parents were married 43 years before his dad died.   3 of his siblings have divorced.

 

DH and I have been married 21 years.

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I voted other. My parents are deceased but my father was divorced. My mother was his second marriage. So while I wasn't a child of divorce we did have it in the family. I have half siblings, although they were all well on the way to adulthood by the time I was born. My parents had been married for 45 years when my father died.

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No - my parents have been married for 63 years!

Wow, that's awesome! Did you see the thing on the news the other day about the couple in... Minnesota???... who are celebrating their 75th anniversary? I love seeing stories like that.

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My parents were married but my father had a 20+ year affair and they lived apart for 10 years. They filed but never divorced then moved back in together.

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My parents stayed married, but it was a rocky, unhappy one. I wished they had gotten divorced as they may have been happier. It was excruciating to sit through my dad's funeral to hear how wonderful their marriage was from the outside.

 

My in-laws were married for 49 years when my fil passed away. They had a wonderful marriage and their kids agree.

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No divorce in siblings or either side of parents or grandparents as far as I know. Aunts and uncles are a different story most have not been divorced but some have many, many times.

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For those saying your parents should have divorced...

 

I can understand what you're saying. My parents marriage was a mess while it lasted. I didn't realize the extent to which things could go from bad to worse though. My sister and I were stuck living with the (much) more irresponsible of the two spouses. And because she didn't have the basic accountability of living with another semi-responsible adult (my dad) she was able to allow us to live in a way that he never would have been ok with (often wouldn't buy groceries/ half clothed dirtbag boyfriends around etc). 

 

Maybe it's true for some people but in my case things went from bad to worse after they divorced. 

 

Anyway, I think this poll is interesting, but I believe this board will contain a certain certain subset that isn't representative of the population in general. 

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Yes, my parents divorced when I was about 6 and my suster 3.  They were married just short of 10 years.  It was an unwise match, they started dating in high school and at a certain point decided they'd best get married or break up.  My dad also had addiction problems which did not help at all.  In fact I think they would have broken up sooner if he had not been a sailor and away more than he was home.

 

My dad's side had a lot of marriage problems.  His parents divorced in their later years, I was in elementary school, addiction problems were also a big part of that. (Though, when my gradfather was dying of cancer my grandmother moved in and took care of him.)  My dad's twin had one short marriage and one long dysfunctional, addiction fueled one that ended in separation and suicide, and his older brother's wife left over infidelity though kept a close connection to the family. His younger brother is the only one who stayed married though I think his wife held it together in the earlier years, even though she was just a teen when they married.

 

On my mom's side, I have only one divorce apart from my parents, an uncle who married older, no kids.  I think in a different age, my mom's parents might have divorced, they had some really rocky years and at one point my nana went home to her mother and I think wanted to stay, but her mom said no.  I think they worked it out in the end, and really cared for each other very much.

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There is a long history of divorce in my family.

 

I have found at least one divorce in my:

 

parents' generation

 

grandparents' generation

 

great-grandparents' generation

 

great-great grandparents' generation

 

 

 

:(

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I voted other. My parents divorced when I was 9, when my dad came out of the closet. They remained best friends. When he got really sick, they remarried about 4 years ago so my mom would have medical benefits and my dad would be taken care of as his health declines. They live in a cottage on my brothers property and travel together in an RV. it's kind of a weird story to explain but they are best friends and pretty much always have been.

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 My parents were married about 53 years when my father died.  Of my aunts and uncles, no divorces, though one aunt did marry a divorced man.  That was scandalous! 

 

My 2 siblings and I have all been divorced.  It always bothered my mother; she wondered what she and my dad had done wrong to lead us to marry badly.  (I'm the only one of us who has remarried.)    Many if not most of my cousins have been divorced.

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It is a very good thing my parents divorced. My mom has been married to her 3rd husband for almost 20 years and my dad has been married to his 2nd wife for around 30 years. 

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My parents have been married for almost 43 years, my in-laws for 47. Two of my dad's sisters were divorced, the other four siblings have been married between 35-50 years. My dad's youngest sister got married at 18, and my grandma once said she wasn't sure it would last since they were so young, but they're still going strong. One of my MIL's sisters divorced after 30 years of marriage when she came out. She's been with her girlfriend since her divorce 15 years ago.

 

In my generation I have two divorced cousins, DH has one, I think.

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My parents divorced when all the children were adults. One parent had a mental health crisis that the parent was unwilling to treat. The behavior grew so erratic that both parents were in danger of financial ruin.

 

I'm glad they stayed married when I was a child. During the divorce, I was able to establish emotional boundaries that I expect they wouldn't have respected had I been younger.They were good parents together and while they argued, I don't think it was more than most. I've seen far more unhealthy marriages that lasted 50+ years.

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Mine divorced and I've always been glad they did. Both remarried and were much better fits with their remarried spouses, though now my father and step-father have both passed away.

 

I can't imagine getting divorced personally. Dh and I often joke that divorce and affairs sound like way too much work. And these days, it seems like 50-50 custody is really common, which seems like a huge pita and, from my own perspective as a kid whose parents didn't bother to try that, a terrible burden on the children and the parents in many cases. Plus, I'm well aware after seeing my mother struggle of how divorce is so bad for a single mother's finances. However, I don't have any personal stigma against it. It's always hilarious to me when people try to characterize me as coming "from a broken home" or something along those lines.

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No, my parents are married as are my IL's.

 

My folks are Baby Boomers so I would say that they are in the minority of their friends for never having been divorced. 2/3 of my dad's sisters got divorced as did both of FIL's sisters. MIL's brothers both married divorcees.

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My parents have been married for 56 years.  They've shown all of us children and grandchildren how you can take two people who are actually quite different in many ways and form a fabulously sweet friendship/marriage with each other.

 

My in-laws were married about 43 years until my FIL died. 

 

I have one (out of two) siblings who divorced, and my dh has one (out of six) siblings who divorced.

 

 

 

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I would add that there seem to be FAR fewer divorces among my generation. I have 10 cousins and the only one who is divorced had had a "shotgun" wedding (their relationship was pretty rocky all along and we all think the now ex-wife was deliberately careless with birth control).

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My parents got divorced when I was in college. They should have divorced sooner, but they stayed together "for the kids" so my brother and I could both finish out high school in our childhood home with both parents present. I wish they had done something much sooner - either marriage counseling or divorce because things were miserable in our home from the time I was 12 on. I think if they had tried counseling early on, it might have worked out for them. 

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My parents have been married for 48 years, my inlaws 50.  My dad's parents got divorced in the late 1960s (right before my parents got married).  My dad is the only one of the 5 children in his family who hasn't been divorced (he is also the oldest). 

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My folks divorced when we kids were grown and gone. I was already in Illinois, but my siblings still in S. California. My sister was expecting her second child, too, when my Mom up and left Dad (he did not see it coming and was gobsmacked). Mom forbade Dad from telling any of us that she had left for MONTHS. Sister and I had no idea why Dad would call several times a week to chat - in hindsight, he was sad and lonely. Mom would go back home on the weekend to call us from his landline to maintain the illusion. Finally, my sister had her baby. She had had horrible migraines after her first child, and had been so looking forward to her second time to actually enjoy a newborn. Mom went to the hospital and as Sis was holding her newborn for the first time Mom said "Thank goodness now I can get this off my chest" and proceeded to unload that she had left dad, how great her new life was, etc. etc. My sister is still pissed at mom for her timing.

Anyway, Mom still doesn't understand why we angry at her for not letting Dad tell us she had left. That poor man was so sad and lonely but not allowed to tell anyone.

Edited by JFSinIL

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My parents were divorced, but not from each other; both had previous marriages that were very bad choices. Their relationship together lasted almost 20 years when my dad died.

 

Two of my aunts are divorced, another really ought to but stays out of religious concerns. The other 4 had/have happy marriages. My siblings all have happy marriages.

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I should add that my mother's brother never married, her sister has been married about 49 years. On that side, I only have two cousins. One did not marry, the other has been married about 23 years.

 

On my dad's side, his older sister has been married for just as long as he has. However, it has always been a bad marriage, and my aunt has tried to commit suicide twice to escape it because her church doesn't believe in divorce. Apparently she can be forgiven for taking her own life, but not if she leaves him.  :banghead:  :banghead:  :banghead:  Her two children are both divorced and happily remarried and even they say that of all the people in the world that should not have ever been married to each other, it is their parents. The current plan is to eventually move mom in with one child who lives here in Michigan, and move the other parent in with the other child who lives in Minnesota because auntie is sinking fast yet again, and dumb uncle just refuses to change.

 

Dad's younger brother was abusive to his wife and kids, and she left. This brother's two children were rather messed up, but eventually straightened out and have long standing marriages that appear to be healthy.

 

His youngest sibling, a sister, has been divorced twice. Her eldest daughter has been married 29 years, and the other daughter has had five baby daddies and been married and divorced three times with a new one on the string currently.

 

As for me and my sibs, I have been married 28 years and expect to be remain married as dh and I are ridiculously compatible and quite happy with each other. But my brother is divorced and remarried, as is my sister.

 

We don't really have a good track record as a family whole on my dad's side of the family. To some degree I wonder if the dysfunctionalism of my paternal grandparent's shotgun wedding culminating in many years of mutual hatred filtered down to their kids. Certainly though my parents have managed 54 years of marriage, my sibs and I recognize some pretty scary, emotionally abusive patterns in our father, and my brother is willing to admit that some of the manipulative, narcissistic crap dad dished out to him affected his first marriage. My sister, much younger than I, did not do well at all as their worst rough patch was during her late elementary and middle school years. She saw stuff I never knew about until recently since she never shared. There is no question that it affected her ability to see the red flags her first husband put out before they were married. Big, huge, bizarre red flags.

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My parents started to split up when I was eleven, divorced when I was fifteen and my father remarried when I was sixteen.  The effect on my mother was such that I am still dealing with the fallout over forty years later.

 

My grandparents didn't divorce.  I have/had three uncles on my father's side (one divorce) and one aunt on my mother's (no divorce).  Of my siblings: my two brothers and I have one divorce between us; of my half-sisters, one is happily married, and the other happily coupled.

Edited by Laura Corin

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Parents--not divorced

 

Grandparents--not divorced

 

Great grandparents--one set divorced to keep son out of WWII (it made him the mother's sole source of support, at least that's the story)

 

That's as far back as I know about.

 

I have five cousins and four of them have been divorced.

 

I am an only child.

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My parents are married 56 years so far.

 

My siblings and I have been married 29 years, 34 years and 25 years.

 

Dh's parents divorced when his younger sister was in high school. The handling of issues related to that had long term affects on her transition to adulthood.

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My parents were each married and dovorsed from other people when they got together.

 

They separated from eachother a couple of times and my mom had boyfriends each time. They were separated when my dad got csncer. She came back and took care of him until he died.

 

So while the answer is no, they did not have a fully commited marriage either.

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My parents were married for 54 years before my mother died.  We had lots of dysfunction but lots of love, loyalty and forgiveness too.

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My parents are divorced and it was when I was a teenager. Honestly, it should have been sooner. No one should be married to my father. She did get the marriage annulled, if that matters to any of you.

 

She is now happily remarried to a lovely man. But she waited to date etc until all of us kids were out of the house. She felt we'd been through enough and didn't want us to have to deal with her dating etc.

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My parents have been married for 35 years, my maternal grandparents were divorced and my paternal grandparents were married 60+ years before my Grandpa passed away last year.  My in laws have been married 36 years, my husband's maternal grandparents were married 60+ years and his paternal grandparents were divorced. 

 

Actually neither my maternal grandparents or his paternal grandparents were legally divorced.  Both families were Catholic, so the men just abandoned their families and left their wife to raise 6 and 12 kids respectively.  Alcoholism, mental illness, and extreme poverty were factors on both sides. 

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My parents have been married 53 years. My in laws were married for 30 years when my father in law passed. My mom's parents were married 56 years when my grandfather died. My grandma died a year later of a broken heart. My dad's parents were married 63 years when my grandfather died. Neither of my husband's grandparents were ever divorced, either.

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My parents are divorced. Both remarried, mom divorced a second time and married a third time. 

 

My mom is one of six children - all of them have been divorced save one, who married a divorcee. 

 

My mom's parents are still married, but at 89 my grandmother decided she'd had enough and moved out. I doubt they'll ever do the paperwork, but they're no longer together. 

 

My dad was one of four children; all but one have been divorced. 

 

DH's parents are still married, but it's a second marriage for his mom. He is one of four siblings, all three who got married are still married. 

 

I'm one of 12 cousins. Except for me, no one got married younger than their late 20's, and I think our family culture was a big factor in that. 

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My grandpa divorced before my dad was born. She left him and his son. He was married to my grandma until she died and then he died a few years later. My moms father was abusive, but I don't think they would have divorced knowing my grandma. He died when my mom was 7. My 3 siblings and I are all married to our first spouses. 5 of my husband's 9 siblings are married to their first spouse. 1 is engaged to be married for the 2nd time. The others have not gotten married yet. My in laws are not divorced. As far as I know, their parents were not divorced either. Although my mil's father was a widower and married again.

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This thread makes me so sad and depressed.

 

Only one of the divorces that I know of in my family was, if you like, whimsical. One of the marriages was broken up by the extreme stress of caring for a severely disabled child.  They stayed together for as long as the child lived, then divorced.  In another case there was a big age and power difference, complicated by mental illness - most people assumed that the marriage was doomed from the start.  Not all marriages are good and not all can survive adverse circumstances.

 

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