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Divorce

Divorce  

430 members have voted

  1. 1. Are your parents divorced?

    • Yes
      159
    • No
      254
    • Other - please explain.
      17


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Mine were both divorced and remarried by the time I was five. Hubby's parents divorced but then remarried each other less than two years later and are still together. We don't consider them divorced as such ;)

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Only one of the divorces that I know of in my family was, if you like, whimsical. One of the marriages was broken up by the extreme stress of caring for a severely disabled child. They stayed together for as long as the child lived, then divorced. In another case there was a big age and power difference, complicated by mental illness - most people assumed that the marriage was doomed from the start. Not all marriages are good and not all can survive adverse circumstances.

 

Don't I know it. I couldn't.

 

Still very sad and depressing to me.

 

And I think there are many many marriages that end in divorce that could have been saved and even thrive. Takes two though.

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My parents have been married for almost 50 years.  My dad had been married previously right before leaving for war but his wife left him while dad was on a tour of duty and moved in with another man.  He didn't know until he got back.  Their marriage was annulled, so not a divorce and no children were involved.  My ILs have been married for almost 50 years also.

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Big, nasty, contentious divorce when I was 16. father remarried the day after it was final. Literally. My mom had a long term boyfriend (travel photographer - they traveled all over the world together). That lasted ten years. She later moved in with her forever sweetie, at 74.

 

DH's parents are still married, they've past the 50th anniversary. But they had a year or two separation when DH was very young. Not unlike Arctic's story above. No actual divorce, but they lived separately before getting back together and continuing their marriage. We don't really count that time apart.

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My parents were married 43 years before my father passed away. Both sets of my grandparents were married until my grandfathers passed away after 40 years of marriage.

 

MIL and FIL divorced one another when my husband was 7yo.My MIL married and divorced twice. My FIL is 10 years into his 3rd marriage. 

 

I am remarried and have been for 11 years. My first husband walked out when I was 30 weeks pregnant with my youngest son. 

 

I agree that reading some of these posts makes me sad.

 

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No, they celebrated 40 years of marriage this past Sunday!

 

My grandmothers were both widowed. My mother's father died when she was only 4. My grandmother was only 35 and raised 5 children on her own. She never remarried. She is 92. Of my mother's four siblings, only one has divorced. The other three have been married well over 40 years, two over 50.

 

No divorce on my dad's side at all. His father died at 63 and his mother at 76. They were married (I think) 42 years.

 

DH's parents divorced after the kids grew up and went to college. I think there was nothing holding them together after that. Well, that and MIL kinda went nuts...

 

ETA: FIL was blindsided by the divorce. He has since remarried and is very happy. MIL very obviously regrets leaving him, but that ship has sailed.

Edited by PeachyDoodle

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my parents talked about divorce. I actually wished they would so I could get away from my mother.  (I feared her.)

 

my father committed suicide on father's day the year I was 12.

 

eta: my mother never remarried - she liked being single.  she died in 2009.

after dh's father died when he was 19, his mother eventually remarried. her children were all adults at that time. 

 

dh and I celebrated  our 34th anniversary in april.

Edited by gardenmom5

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On my side of the family, there is almost no divorce. Parents, sibling, grandparents, even all my aunts and uncles, were one and done.  My parents are already past their 50th.

 

Dh's side, on the other hand, is a divorce wasteland.  His parents had a horrible marriage that ended way too late after 20-something years.  All his brothers are divorced.   This makes my brother's wife the only other female in the family that's in my generation (neither dh or I have any sisters).  I appreciate her!!

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Yes, both dh's and my parents are divorced.  Both of our fathers remarried and stayed married.  Both of our moms remarried and divorced again AND my mom remarried/divorced a THIRD time.

 

Dh and I celebrated our 23rd anniversary Sunday.  (And Lebron, #23, helped the Cavs win the championship on our anniversary.  WOOHOO!  LOL :p )

 

**Edited to add that I have 3 siblings and only one has married so far.  He's the youngest and has only been married a year and a half.  Also, both of my parents are the only siblings in THEIR families to divorce  (Oh wait, my dad's sister did as well, however that was an abuse situation.) and both are from families of 5 children.  I'm sure you wanted all that family dynamic stuff.  hehe

Edited by 6packofun

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I voted other because my parents were married for more than 40 years, so I was not a CHILD of divorce and it was not part of my upbringing. They divorced after I was well into adulthood.

 

Maybe I should have voted other, too.  I voted divorced.  My parents were unhappily married for 35 years and then my mother left my father for some guy she met on the internet.   I grew up wishing they would divorce because there was so much tension in the house all the time.  

Edited by ebh87

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my parents talked about divorce. I actually wished they would so I could get away from my mother.  (I feared her.)

 

my father committed suicide on father's day the year I was 12.

 

eta: my mother never remarried - she liked being single.  she died in 2009.

after dh's father died when he was 19, his mother eventually remarried. her children were all adults at that time. 

 

dh and I celebrated  our 34th anniversary in april.

 

I'm so sorry about your father.

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My parents are still married.

My DH's parents are still married.

My XH's parents were married til his Father passed away.

 

My brother has been married 20+years.

My dad's sisters have both been divorced and remarried. My dad's brother has not.

My mom's brothers and sister are not divorced.

 

My grandparents - my mother's parents were both divorced in WWII -- but they were married ~50 years. My dad's parents were married til his mother died. Then his father remarried and they were married til she passed.

 

I'm divorced and remarried (14 yrs)

Edited by theelfqueen

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I just think some people don't know what they're saying when they say they wish their parents divorced. Things can get worse in ways you can't even imagine, especially for young children. There are enough depressing reasons divorce becomes unavoidable, it just seems like some people see staying married through difficulty as worthless.

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Interesting responses.

 

My parents got married and divorced not once but twice. It was toxic and dad was abusive towards her. By time she left him for last time we were ages 1,3,9,11 and she was 30. She had a plan and it was executed right after my aunts wedding (married 29 years now), specifically, so she wouldn't ruin her day. Neither remarried.

 

Grandparents have been married 60 years.  

 

My partners parents went through a divorce when he was 13 and his dad is still married the woman he had an affair with, and his mom remarried. 

 

My siblings are happily married with kids, except for the youngest who has no kids and had no clue what he was getting himself into when he got married after 6 months of dating. It's no wonder after 15 years together with one person that I flip flop on the necessity of marriage.

Edited by angelica

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My parents weren't divorced, neither were dh's.  I have two (out of 5) siblings who are divorced.  The rest have been married over 25 years.  One remarried and has been happy for the last 10 years.  The other stayed way too long in an unhappy marriage.  Thinks ended badly and his daughter doesn't speak to him. Only one of my friends is divorced.  I guess I live in a bubble of stable marriages for the most part.  (Although the stress of parenting an adult child with mental illness and who is also an angry militant transgender has taken a toll on dh and my relationship as well as my relationship with my ever shrinking circle of friends.) 

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Mine divorced when I was 19, after 21 years of marriage.  It was difficult then, and there are still parts of it there are very, very difficult, even after 22 years, so longer apart than they were together.  It just impacts so many things, and there is still so much hurt from so many people involved.  

Edited by Zinnia
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My parents weren't divorced, neither were dh's. I have two (out of 5) siblings who are divorced. The rest have been married over 25 years. One remarried and has been happy for the last 10 years. The other stayed way too long in an unhappy marriage. Thinks ended badly and his daughter doesn't speak to him. Only one of my friends is divorced. I guess I live in a bubble of stable marriages for the most part. (Although the stress of parenting an adult child with mental illness and who is also an angry militant transgender has taken a toll on dh and my relationship as well as my relationship with my ever shrinking circle of friends.)

 

(((Hugs)))

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I just think some people don't know what they're saying when they say they wish their parents divorced. Things can get worse in ways you can't even imagine, especially for young children. .

This is so true. Men risk their children being abused by a new boyfriend or step father. Women.....even if they get primary custody of the kids.....are still forced to send you children away and spend time with whoever the dad wants them to be with on his time.

 

And even if nothing horrible happens kids are still often put in the position of living with new step parents and step siblings.

 

Every event the child has is stressful for everyone but especially for the child who has had his FOO destroyed.

 

Sometimes for kids divorce is the lesser of two bad deals....but I wish none had to endure it.

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I just think some people don't know what they're saying when they say they wish their parents divorced. Things can get worse in ways you can't even imagine, especially for young children. There are enough depressing reasons divorce becomes unavoidable, it just seems like some people see staying married through difficulty as worthless.

 

I think this very much depends on the level of acrimony in the marriage.

 

While I know some divorces where I'm left scratching my head why they couldn't hold out at least till the kids were grown, there really are some where it ends up being more toxic even for the kids to stay together rather than divorcing.  Dh's parents' marriage was definitely one of those.  I don't think there was any physical abuse, but I think there was verbal and emotional abuse.  I think the reason dh is the only one who has managed a happy, lasting marriage is that he was only 7 when his parents divorced.  His brothers are fairly messed up in pretty much direct proportion to how long they were exposed to the toxic sludge that was his parents' marriage.  His mom should have left way sooner. 

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Mine legally separated when I was 7 (after only 8 years of marriage), but didn't actually get divorced for another 7 years, when my mother wanted to remarry. Divorce in the 1960s, especially among Catholics, was scandalous. Our family was looked down on by family, friends, and even strangers. 

 

My IL's were married for 69 years, until MIL's death two years ago. 

Edited by Lady Florida.

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My parents are not divorced. Dh's parents divorced when he was 19....each was married prior to marrying the other and each married another person afterward who they also divorced....substance abuse by both. Dh's father has twelve brothers and sisters and of the twelve, six have been married more than once. Two of my mother's four sisters have been married more than once.

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My parents divorced when I was around two.  Both remarried, mom divorced (he was abusive) then married for the third time when I was a teenager.  She was just recently widowed.  Dad remarried someone who wanted to deny he had children so we hardly saw him and relationship suffered.  She died and dad remarried about 5 years ago.  We have a slightly better relationship now.

 

I'm divorced, been remarried for almost 12 years and doing great.  My only brother has been married 25 years but I don't think particularly happily.

 

Three uncles on dad's side - one married for over 50 years, one divorced, one unhappily married.  Those grandparents were together for a very long time until grandpa passed away.

 

Eight siblings on my mom's side - all except one have definitely been divorced at least once, some multiple times.  The one left I'm not sure about.  Those grandparents were divorced, I think.  At the least it was a miserable abusive marriage.

 

Tons of cousins.  Many have never married and are in their 40's/50's, many others have divorced, quite a few in dysfunctional marriages, and a few that seem to be in happy marriages.  A few are closer to my dd's age, so hard to know how things are going to go.

 

My ex blamed the "acceptance of divorce" in my family for our divorce.  Never did want to admit he was emotional abusive or an a$$.

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No, my parents have been married 55 years in October.  :)  And so far, no divorces among my siblings, though only half of us are married and it isn't all peaches and cream for them.  :P

 

However, my mom's parents did divorce.  Also, my father's dad was a divorcee when he married my grandma.  :)  I wonder if having parents who divorced was helpful in making my parents work harder (or smarter) to keep things together.  It was hard work.  :)  Hopefully worth it.  :)

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My parents were married 62 years. My in-laws, 56.

 

No divorces on my mom's side of the family in her generation. Half of my dad's siblings divorced, and among all the cousins of my age, only three of twelve of us are with our original spouse. Two never married.

 

In my grandparents and in my dh's grandparents, no divorce, and none of my dh's aunts and uncles divorced. Among his cousins/siblings, you see just about any combination of married, divorced, never married.

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My parents have been married 54 years and seem to be happy. I can't imagine one without the other. Actually, I think if my mom goes first that my dad would go soon after. :(

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My parents divorced when I was 3.  They probably never should have married in the first place.  I was their only child.  

 

My mom and step-dad had a very tumultuous 15 year marriage before she passed away.  While I'm thankful he hung around for us (me and my half-brother), they probably would have been better off apart too.  My mom was hard to live with, to say the least.

 

My dad remarried when I was 20, and they have a son the same age as my oldest child.  They are still married.  

 

A fun fact for ya...I don't know of a single person other than my grandparents and myself on my mom's side of the family that did NOT get divorced at least once.  Many had multiple marriages and divorces.  I came pretty darn close to it myself.  (We actually had filed all the paper-work and were just waiting on the court date when we decided to get back together)

Dh's family on the other hand, is mostly non-divorced.  There are a few here and there, but it is a pretty rare thing.  And it is a HUGE family.  Dh's parents are still married.  

 

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My parents got divorced when I was 18.  They've each remarried and divorced since then, at least once (dad's 3rd wife died).  DH's parents recently divorced which while a total shock, shouldn't have been. She is NPD and he's a doormat, she decided one day out of the blue that she no longer needed a doormat.

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For those saying your parents should have divorced...

 

I can understand what you're saying. My parents marriage was a mess while it lasted. I didn't realize the extent to which things could go from bad to worse though.

Yep. I'm sorry for what you went through.

 

My dad is on marriage number 3, my stepmother, this one seems to be a keeper - they married nearly 20 years ago now. She is nice and they seem happy.

 

My mum has been married and divorced 4 times. I'm actually not sure if the paper work has been done for the last one, but they split 13 years ago (the weekend before my wedding...)

There was a marriage before my dad, then the guy after my dad lasted longer - about 10 years, until I was 12 - probably because he beat the crap out of my mum regularly and she was too frightened to leave. Then the last one who was a weirdo and they only lasted a year - I was 17 and moved out by then. Not to mention the boyfriends in between, the ones who smoked drugs and walked around naked in front of their girlfriend's teenage daughters.

 

Many in my family are divorced, 3/6 of my mother's siblings, and my grandparents too. Not surprisingly, few of many cousins bother getting married - though I haven't heard of any divorces there yet.

 

No one in Dh's family is divorced, except one abusive cousin.

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We have so much divorce in our family and fortunately a few long term marriages.  From my perspective it is so much easier with fewer long term consequences to remain married.  Yes, I understand there are severe abuse issues and not all of those abuses leave visible scars.   I am absolutely not advocating an abuse victim stay with their abuser.  I do believe divorce should be avoided if at all possible, even if that means staying together for the children.

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DH and I once calculated our family's divorce rate from grandparents down- so grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins. I think it was 87% divorce rate. I think it's worse now, because there's been more divorces. We are fighting to change our family's legacy.

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Mine have been married for almost 44 years and are still in love. They are my role models for how to "do" marriage.

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My parents were married for 36 when my mom died.  My dad remarried, divorced, remarried, divorced, remarried, then died.  I was an adult during all that, but divorce was hard on me even in my 20's and 30's.  My dh's parents were married over 50 years and both died 6 months apart.  I didn't vote. 

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My mom and bio-father divorced when I was baby. She married my dad when  I was a toddler. They have now been married 30+ yrs. My mom's parents were divorced, and all 3 of her sisters divorced and re-married. One of them divorced a second time and then married her divorce attorney  :lol: .

 

 

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My parents will celebrate their 59th anniversary in August.

 

My husband's parents divorced when he was 18 or 19.  His mother remarried shortly after and has been married to him every since.  His father has been with the same woman since about that time, too, although they just finally married less than 10 years ago.

 

Of the six of us "kids,"  two are on their 3rd marriages (although one is about to divorce again), one has been married and divorced twice and is now in a long-term relationship, although not married. I'm on my second marriage.  Two have married only once and are both still married.

 

Cousins?  Ummm.....I have one that was married very young and divorced in short order.  She has been married to her current husband forever.  One is on her third marriage.  One is on his second.  That's it for divorces in my generation, out of 17 of us.  Not too bad, except for my immediate family.  We've always been the black sheep, though!  

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My parents were married almost 36 years when my dad passed away. We've been married 26 years. My two sisters are both divorced and my brother has never been married.

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My parents divorced when I was about 12. I have three biological siblings and one bonus/step-sibling. 

With the exception of my one unmarried maternal aunt, all the rest of the seven-sibling set of maternal aunts and uncles have been divorced.

My father was split from his 7 or 8 siblings as a small child and placed in foster care. What I know about his siblings is very limited.

My paternal grandparents divorced.

My maternal grandparents stayed married. My maternal grandfather died only a few months ago, leaving my Nana widowed. 

 

My husband's parents were married until his mother's death when he was still a child, so no divorce there. His grandparents never divorced. To the best of my knowledge, none of his aunts or uncles are divorced either. I think maybe one of his cousins divorced their spouse, but I'm not positive about that. 

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  I am absolutely not advocating an abuse victim stay with their abuser.

 

Funny, isn't it? I'm an abuse victim and have advised another abuse victim to stay.

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My parents had been married for over 30 years at her death. My dad remarried and he was married to my stepmom for over 30 years at his death. Dh and I have been married almost 39 years. My bro and his wife are at 32 now I think. My sis and her dh have been married 39 years. One of my sils have been married 43 years, one 30 years. My pils were married over 45 years at his death. One sil is divorced and remarried. We're a statistical anomaly!

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