S/O....what did YOUR parents teach you about s@x, birth control, etc?

[Ottakee]

As a spin off from the other thread about hearing from your kids what is going on with their friends, I was just wondering what your parents taught you growing up. Were they very open about discussions. Did they include things beyond the mechanics...like STD, birth control and other related topics.

[8circles]

After I was engaged, my mother said to me, "I assume you know what to expect on the wedding night?:"

 

That was about it.

 

Thankfully, I didn't need any information at that point.

[lllll]

Nothing.

[Pawz4me]

Nothing that I remember.

[TrixieB]

Nothing.

[maize]

My mom talked to me once when I was 11, I don't remember exactly what was covered. We had a variety of medical encyclopedias in the house though so I picked up a lot of details about things like STD's and birth control from those.

Edited February 28, 2016 by maize

[Ottakee]

I got a "talk" with a booklet that honestly had something about birds and bees in it that supposedly explained how things worked...but didn't really. Only tab A in Slot B..not even how that all worked.

 

Then as a teen I got a "don't "message but really why or consequences etc. I got some bit in 9th grade health and later anatomy class but most of what I learned I learned by reading....and not all of that reading was stuff I would want my kids reading.

[Xuzi]

Nothing. Especially birth control. I wasn't even allowed to attend the sex ed. lessons on birth control at school. My parents refused to sign the permission form. (not that I didn't hear all about the class from my friends afterwards).

[Arcadia]

STD, birth control and other related topics were in my elementary school health education textbooks with photos of STDs. The abortion video "The Silent Scream" (1984 US produced video) was shown in 7th grade.

 

Since homeschooling was illegal back home for locals until recent years, everyone had sex education in school under health education.

[lmrich]

Nothing. 

[maize]

Oh, here's a funny: my family moved frequently, and somehow I always missed out on sex ed in school--they'd had it the year before, or were going to do it the next year. My sister, on the other hand, got to do sex ed multiple times :D

[HRAAB]

Not much of anything.

[Garga]

Nothing.

[Joanne]

"Wait until you are married."

That was IT.

 

So I read her copy of "Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex *but were afraid to ask.*"  And Forever and then Wifey by Judy Blume.  :lol: 
 

[73349]

We had decent health ed in 5th and 8th grades in school. My mom said she was available if I had any questions. I very much didn't want to discuss anything with her, TYVM.

 

ETA: DH went to school in a different state than I did before 10th grade. He did not get much information from school or home.

Edited February 28, 2016 by whitehawk

[908874]

When I was 6 and my mom was having baby #5 I asked how the baby got into her belly and she handed me a magazine with what I remember as a very long article on pregnancy and development through all nine months. I read it many times because I kept it. It also had some horoscope nonsense that I unfortunately also read and almost memorized. That was it. There was no further sex ed. The schools did that.

 

 I got a talk about periods at school in 5th grade. It was a Catholic school so it was all about periods, how to use pads and staying pure. No explanation on what staying pure meant. I had a more comprehensive sex-ed class in ninth grade - it was maybe more comprehensive than what I needed at that point (public school). I'm not sure if my parents were aware what the class/seminar content would be. 

[Denisemomof4]

Nothing. Not one single thing.

 

On my first date my dad told the boy not to bring me home pregnant. I was mortified and thT was the end of sex Ed with my parents.

[OnMyOwn]

Not a thing.

[myfunnybunch]

My mother bought a book about puberty and left it at the top of the stairs. She didn't way another word about it. I think she assumed that anything else I needed to know, I'd learn in school. I didn't really feel like I could ever ask her questions.

 

Her mother didn't say a word to her. And no sex ed in school, either.

 

 

[bettyandbob]

Nothing. I wasn't permitted to attend the girls' health class on menstruation when I was 11. My mother was surprised i was the only one not permitted to go. 

 

Since menstruation couldn't be discussed, sex was not a topic. Ever. 

 

 

[Garga]

I'm remembering something that I'd blocked! Apparently, when my dh and I went in for premarital counselling with the pastor who was going to marry us, my mom told HIM to talk to me and my future DH about sex. But he didn't during counselling. No, it was during the marriage ceremony (DURING THE CEREMONY) that he brought up sex and...well, I'm not sure what he even exactly said anymore. In the past 23 years I've been so horrified that he brought up sex during my wedding ceremony that I've only had the stomach to watch the wedding video once. I waited about 8 years to watch it and thought, "Surely it wasn't as bad as I thought at the time," but it was. It was mortifying and horrible. I don't ever want to see it again. A few friends gave me, "Well, that was....interesting..." comments during the reception. Horrible.

 

As my new DH and I were heading to the car with the birdseed being thrown, the pastor pulled me aside when my foot was practically in the car and everyone was standing there wondering why we weren't already driving away, and said, "Your mother wanted me to say those things about sex." She was nearby and turned beet red and said, "You weren't supposed to tell her that!" At that point I was completely desperate to get away.

 

We spend our wedding night in our apartment and I later found out that my MIL was planning on stopping by that night to drop off some wedding presents.

 

They were all so clueless. Ay yi yi! I figure that no matter what I do, I can't be worse than that.

Edited February 28, 2016 by Garga

[Joanne]

This thread is very, very sad (not to mention alarming) to me.

[gardenmom5]

you don't want to know.  as my children went through teens and became adults, I'm just more appalled.

 

eta: she tried to be more positive than her mother (not hard.  her mother had a very purient interest in s3x, because it was so dirty.  she adored salacious gossip.), gave me a book.  but everything else that was going on . . . :svengo: :svengo: :svengo: :svengo: :svengo:

Edited February 28, 2016 by gardenmom5

[Tap]

Nothing

 

My mom was a very private person. We didn't even talk about bathroom stuff with my mom. She had no idea when I started my period even. I just bought my own supplies and took care of myself.

 

I took myself to the health center and got bcp as a teen too.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I was given a book, that contained EVERYTHING. It was a complete resource really.

 

 

No talk otherwise.

[slterry]

My husband was homeschooled from first grade until college and never got a sex talk. Ever. He learned where babies came from by reading the dictionary.  We were very young when we got married (19), and we joked about calling them up to tell them that we didn't know WHY we couldn't get pregnant- we were kissing all the time! It would have been a fun reaction to see. But my MIL gets very stabby and guilty over that so we never did. 

 

I am an RN and will tell my kids everything as part of their home education. I think it's even more important to make sure your child is educated about their body and how babies are made and how to protect themselves if they aren't in school where they get education on that. You can't send your kids out into the world without that vital information- I'd much rather them learn it from me than from their friends or the internet. 

 

My mom told me everything, but I was also in public school and had sex ed classes there, too. 

[edelweiss]

Absolutely nothing.  

[Loowit]

Mom signed the form for me to watch the mentration movie when I was in 5th grade.  I wasn't happy about it because the boys got to go play outside.  STD's were studied in health class in high school.  Sex ed was in high school, at school.  My mom gave me a few pamphlets about menstruation when I started, but never discussed anything really.  When I got engaged she did bring up the topic of birth control.  At that point I had already decided on that so it wasn't really helpful.  I think mom would have been more open and talked to me about things if I had asked; it was more me that wasn't comfortable talking about it with her.

[DesertBlossom]

Not much from my mother. I remember reading some little black and white pamphlet with her when I was really little. And I asked her what tampons were and was totally bored by her answer. After that, nothing except for some pretty tame (esp by today's standards) sex ed classes at school. I was pretty sheltered. I am LDS and I always intended to wait until marriage (and I did) so I got away with being pretty naive in general. I have no regrets and don't feel like I would have benefitted from anything more explicit.

 

In the few weeks before our wedding DH and I read a "how to" book together. Lol! But that's what I do... I look stuff up and read about it when I have a question. Despite our fairly sheltered beginnings, DH and I have always communicated very well and we have a great relationship.

 

Because of everything my kids are going to be exposed to, I do feel like I need to be a lot more open with them. And already at ages 8 and 9 they've heard more from me than I heard from my mother.

[MercyA]

My parents read me "How Babies Are Made" when I was pretty little, and then my mom had the "period talk" with me at 10 or so. (We also watched a movie at school in 5th grade.) I had sex ed in 8th grade at my public school. Occasionally things like birth control and STD's were mentioned in the course of everyday conversation at home. We had several books on abortion in the house, and I read those. I also learned more than you might think from women's magazines and from a book I found while snooping. :o I'm sure my parents would have been more than happy to talk to me about anything, but I was pretty shy about talking to them about that sort of thing. They were (and are) very good parents.

 

It's unbelievable to me that people don't teach their kids about these things. It doesn't embarrass me, and it's not a big deal to me. It's just part of life. 

Edited February 28, 2016 by MercyA

[GAPeachie]

In 5th grade, we had the movie about periods and were given a "sample" pack of a couple pads and tampons.  Boys were taken out of the room. 

 

My mom said nothing about this.  I told her when I started and she bought supplies.  I had to figure out tampons on my own as a competitive swimmer.  Once I started my period, my mother told me that if I was going to have sex I should be responsible enough to come to her so that I could be put on birth control.  That was a trap. She NEVER discussed condom usage to me.  It was all about preventing pregnancy in her eyes.  I was told that I would NEVER be able to live at home if I found myself pregnant and didn't abort. 

 

In 7th or 8th grade, we got the STD talk in school and information about condoms.  There was also a big discussion about how birth control pills didn't prevent infections. 

 

In high school, we took a semester of health.  Most of it was sex ed and drugs.  

 

[DesertBlossom]

I'm remembering something that I'd blocked! Apparently, when my dh and I went in for premarital counselling with the pastor who was going to marry us, my mom told HIM to talk to me and my future DH about sex. But he didn't during counselling. No, it was during the marriage ceremony (DURING THE CEREMONY) that he brought up sex and...well, I'm not sure what he even exactly said anymore. In the past 23 years I've been so horrified that he brought up sex during my wedding ceremony that I've only had the stomach to watch the wedding video once. I waited about 8 years to watch it and thought, "Surely it wasn't as bad as I thought at the time," but it was. It was mortifying and horrible. I don't ever want to see it again. A few friends gave me, "Well, that was....interesting..." comments during the reception. Horrible.

 

As my new DH and I were heading to the car with the birdseed being thrown, the pastor pulled me aside when my foot was practically in the car and everyone was standing there wondering why we weren't already driving away, and said, "Your mother wanted me to say those things about sex." She was nearby and turned beet red and said, "You weren't supposed to tell her that!" At that point I was completely desperate to get away.

 

We spend our wedding night in our apartment and I later found out that my MIL was planning on stopping by that night to drop off some wedding presents.

 

They were all so clueless. Ay yi yi! I figure that no matter what I do, I can't be worse than that.

My story isn't nearly so bad! But FIL decided that right after the reception was the right time to pull DH aside. Like we were trying to leave. So I ended up waiting awkardly for him to be done when my new BIL came to my rescue by going and getting DH so we could get out of there. I don't think the conversation was bad, but his timing was terrible. Edited February 28, 2016 by DesertBlossom

[BarbecueMom]

My mom was actually very open in talking about sex, puberty, etc. Explained things, asked questions, let me ask questions. Didn't consider any of it dirty or wrong.

 

As a result, I waited two years to tell her I started my period and to this day cannot talk about sex with her at all. I'm not shy about the subject with people of my choosing. I just happen to have not chosen HER, then or now.

 

I'm just weird. I liked books better.

[tm919]

We had books on the bookshelves. I read the books but remained hilariously naive somehow. I guess it just didn't sink in.

 

Edit: Just recalled, my 6 year old got a book from the library on science in general that described most reproductive stuff (just 2 pages of fine print), not the out of the norm stuff. She started asking us about it in the car and I've never seen my husband in such distress. He was just not prepared.

Edited February 28, 2016 by tm919

[Mom2Five]

Ugh. My mother checked out some book from the library. I don't remember much about it, but that I pretty much already knew the information that she shared with me and some of it was very odd. I just played along and was like ohh. I started my period a few months before my mom even knew, but I wanted to be picked up early from school so I called her a few months in to come get me. My mother asked me if I was wondering about birth control at 17 and I said no Im already pregnant. Lol. not funny, but you have to laugh sometimes.

[Kristie in Florida]

My parents said nothing about it. I watched Look Who's Talking as a kid and I was confused.

 

I was given the "this is what is going on with your body" talk four different times... each foster mom around that time gave me their own version. There was also the version I got in the girls only health classes.

 

I randomly picked up things as I went along. I was pretty clueless, truly.

 

I didn't quite put all the pieces together until college. And my daughter was due during finals week sophomore year so there you go.

[bettyandbob]

This thread is very, very sad (not to mention alarming) to me.

My response was to the OP's question, "what did your parents..."

 

Yes, it's sad that many of our parents didn't take an active role in teaching about this stuff. I don't think it's alarming. My mother was born in 1940. I think her thinking was a product of her time.

 

I've taken a completely different approach with my DC.

[creekland]

From my parents?  Absolutely nothing.

 

They were divorced and I lived with my dad.  He was of no help when I got my first period either.  I had no clue what was going on.  Fortunately, it was small/short and I still saw my sister at school and asked her about it.  Then I told my dad I needed to stop at the store.  He never actually asked what for, but figured it out rather quickly and mumbled something about not being able to help me with those things, but I could talk with my grandmother if I wanted to.

 

I learned everything else from either my sister or things I overheard at school - or college - or actually being married.  I was never into boys in high school or my early college years.  Horses/riding was far more interesting!  I never got into lusting and still don't. There is literally no one I fawn over actor-wise (or actress or similar). Hubby and I are right for each other though.  ;)

 

 

 

I made sure hubby filled in all three of our boys from a male perspective.  I've given them some female perspectives about periods.

[Annie G]

Nothing. And that really surprises me because as an adult I found out my mom was pregnant...and a teenager....when she and Dad got married.  So you'd think she would have talked to me about sex. But nope. 

 

I got a clear message from Catholic school to remain pure, but there was no real discussion...just the 'remain pure' mantra. 

 

I had two older sisters - 4 and 8 years older than me. So when I was a teen the oldest was married with kids so I read The Joy Of Sex when I babysat, after the kids were in bed. 

 

Having said all that, I ended up knowing all the details but don't recall any false facts- you know, they always say if you learn from peers you won't have accurate info.  I didn't believe anything like not being able to get pregnant while on your period or not being able to get pregnant if you have sex standing up or in a pool.  I knew about safe sex and STDs and all kinds of things. I never felt like my mom had failed me...I learned from my friends, often at sleepovers.  Yeah, I should have learned from my mom but it turned out ok. 

[Rosie_0801]

Enough about that, but not nearly enough about who to choose and who not to choose as a partner.

[Sara in AZ]

Wow! I am sad but not surprised at most of these answers. My mother was told nothing and literally thought she was dying when she got her period at age 11. Consequently, she made sure that myself and my four sisters were thoroughly educated. (no brothers, though I'm sure she would have thoroughly educated them, too). I remember lots of library books and secretly reading her "Pregnant and Loving It" book over and over again. We had a pretty good "maturation night" at the schools with our moms in 4th or 5th grade. Although my parents are firmly pro abstinence, I I learned about birth control and STD's somewhere, school I'd imagine. Five daughters, no premarital sex PLUS no rape or sexual abuse. Kind of amazing, defies the odds, really.

[Guest]

Since this is a homeschooling forum, I want to say sex ed was.... interest-led lol

 

But really my mom and my grandma both were very willing to tell me anything I wanted to know (through significantly different lenses). So were my aunts now that I think of it! There was no THE talk, but I knew all the things.

 

In any case, I was not taught, explicitly or by omission, to be ashamed of my body or feelings. Which is lucky.

[umsami]

I don't remember my parents teaching me anything...although I'm sure if I had asked, they wouldn't have minded.

 

I do remember a friend and I finding a copy of "The Joy of Sex" and perusing it.   I remember reading "Forever" by Judy Blume, too.

 

We had health in school....which talked about it, but not a lot of emphasis was put on birth control, condoms, STDs, or anything.  This was a private, secular school.

 

Most of the stuff I learned on my own out of curiosity. 

 

I don't even remember an emphasis on remaining a virgin or anything like that....either from my parents or the Presbyterian church I attended.

[Melissa in Australia]

absolutely everything. including how to try and avoid being raped, what playing footsies can lead to, the mechanics of, birth control, everything possible. as well as being encouraged to wait until married. have a very short courtship and get married quick.

 

 

 

My mum wanted me to be as informed as possible. she started teaching me how to avoid being raped form when I was about 6.

 

 

she herself was raped as a child, ( by her father)  formed a sexual relationship with someone while in her early teens and had me at 16. she did not want me to follow in her footsteps.

 

 

however even though she did all this she failed to tell my brother about girls having periods. wasn't he surprised after he go married. :lol:  In fact he was so surprised he mentioned it to me.

 

 

 

[The Girls' Mom]

This is one area that my mom actually did very well in.  She was very open with stuff like that, and I knew everything about periods and the basics about sex by age 8.  (Actually I knew a lot more than the basics by then, but I had been exposed to stuff too early by other people...not her doing). I think that because she had some traumatic experiences because of lack of knowledge, she was going to make sure I knew.

 

However, one pretty mortifying thing she did was when she made my step-dad purchase a box of condoms and made him give them to me before my first "real" date with my now dh.  I don't know which one of us was more embarrassed.  I stuck them in my closet and never touched that box because I just knew that she kept count! 

Edited February 28, 2016 by The Girls' Mom

[Guest]

I wish I could remember when I read Are You There, God, Its Me, Margaret. Elementary school for sure because I remember asking my grandma about belts.

 

Gosh I really lucked out. We were very conservative people when I was coming up, too.

[Melissa in Australia]

This is one area that my mom actually did very well in.  She was very open with stuff like that, and I knew everything about periods and the basics about sex by age 8.  (Actually I knew a lot more than the basics by then, but I had been exposed to stuff too early by other people...not her doing). I think that because she had some traumatic experiences because of lack of knowledge, she was going to make sure I knew.

 

However, one pretty mortifying thing she did was making my step-dad purchase a box of condoms and making him give them to me before my first "real" date with my now dh.  I don't know which one of us was more embarrassed.  I stuck them in my closet and never touched that box because I just knew that she kept count! 

:ohmy:  :lol:

[gardenmom5]

I liked Miss Manners guide to s3x ed.

 

start when the children are young enough to thoroughly startle you by saying "eeww yuch gross, who'd want to do that",

and don't save up for the "big talk" or when you're child asks where they came from, you might again end up startled with "No mom, that's not what I meant - where was I born?"

[dirty ethel rackham]

Nada.  The day before they showed us a movie in 6th grade (at our parish Catholic school), my mom told me to pay attention to the movie.  Menstrual supplies were already in the bathroom since I had an older sister (but she was 6 years older and was in college by the time it was an issue.)  In high school, I paid close attention in health class.  I was an auto-didactic and read up on the subject at the library.  In college, I took a human sexuality class. 

[Tsuga]

My mom was very open, frank, and biological. She repeated that love was very important and that if we ever wanted to talk to her we could. I still didn't feel comfortable, but luckily had other women to talk to.

 

She told me my options for birth control and the consequences of not using it. She was very clear but also a little clinical--she didn't try to be overly familiar.

 

With my daughters, I plan to keep options open to talk with me OR to talk with their aunts, my partner's sister or my own sister.

 

I grew up terrified of having a baby before a career. I always knew I wanted to travel and it wasn't hard just to say no to boys and sex for the sake of having a career and fun. I am so glad I did but everyone enjoys different things. All I want my kids to know is that 50% of their cousins and my cousin group were conceived when the mom was on the pill, and they have two cousins born to mom and dad who've had SURGERY. (One tubal ligation failed, one vasectomy, and yes he knows she's his--spitting image.) My experience of living amongst fertile Myrtles made me think that sex=babies.

 

ETA: We had repeated conversations.

Edited February 28, 2016 by Tsuga