When do kids stop needing their mom so much?

[lovinmyboys]

I know they always need their mom somewhat 😄. I love being a mom and really enjoy being with my kids, but I am worn out. They are four boys age 3 to almost 9. I think I had mentally marked this year as a year I would have a little time to myself. That set me up for disappointment because I feel busier than ever and I have no time to do anything I want to do.

 

It seems like my IRL friends have time to do a little of what they want. So, how do you make time for that? Do you tell your kids to go away and leave you alone? My kids are constantly talking to me, wanting to show me something, asking me to do something with them or for them. I don't know...I'm afraid I created monsters. They aren't bad kids at all, but I just think at their ages they shouldn't be so needy.

 

I'm sure I will miss these days when they are teenagers and I can barely get a word out of them, but it sure would be nice to be able to complete a thought every once in a while.

[katilac]

Four kids 3 to 9? Feel lucky when you pee alone. 

[lovinmyboys]

I guess I should adjust my expectations. At one point I had 4 under 6, so I thought when the youngest turned three it would be smooth sailing. He just turned 3, so I think I expected a magical immediate freeing up of time.

[Catwoman]

Four kids 3 to 9? Feel lucky when you pee alone. 

 

That seems about right!  :D

 

What gave you the idea that your kids would need you less when they were between 3 and 9 years old?

 

Unless you have an amazing babysitter, I'm sorry to say that you're going to be on-call for years to come.

 

[fairfarmhand]

My kids are 17, 13, 10, and 7. I feel like someone ALWAYS needs me. And they never stop talking.

 

 

Even my teens seem like they need more of mom than ever. sigh.

 

I do get to pee by myself.  So that's something. However, they still stand outside the door and shout at me, no matter how many times I've told them, "I do not talk to people while urinating." It's usually something life changing like, "Is the dishwasher clean or dirty?" or " Can I eat an apple?"

[Arcadia]

You have four kids. They all want their share of mommy time :)

 

I have only two and they are a year apart. I get my mommy time when they are at the park or at the library's story time/book club/knitting club.

 

How much time to yourself do you think you need? When kids were younger, I could have time to myself when my hubby keeps an eye on our kids while I do what I like (shopping, soak in tub, catch a nap). Now they have outside classes so I have time to myself to recharge.

[JustEm]

I have 4 kids ages 8 weeks to 6 years. My only rule regarding me time is if I'm exercising only the 8 week old can interrupt. They may be in the room with me as long as they don't get in my way or talk to me. This gets me 50 minutes of doing what I loveif the baby stays asleep, she does half the time. Even my 2 year old follows the rule or is stuck in his room until I'm done, that happened once.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Ages 3 to 9? :) No, those are not low-intensity years for mom. And there's no reason to think they won't talk to you when they're teens; my four boys are ages 11 to 18 and talk to me as much as ever they did...and it's still hard to get them to allow me to use the bathroom or go to bed...

 

You might need to hire babysitters more often <3 but you are not going to be needed less for eons. Long, long time. Almost nobody needs their mama more than little children, which is what you've got.

[Rosie_0801]

None of this means you oughtn't teach them to understand the phrase "Mamma needs some personal space" and we won't judge if that means raiding the chocolate stash you keep in your underwear drawer. 

 

[redsquirrel]

3-9... come back in about....5 years?  It really depends on the youngest.  Look, I only have 2 boys and they are 5 years apart. I didn't begin..begin mind you, to get that block of time where no one needed me until the youngest was 5 or 6.  And when it happened it was fast. It was like BAM, suddenly it was just me after lunch b/c they wanted to play together for an extended period of time.  And I should add that my boys get along exceptionally well. They rarely argue or fight so I almost never had someone running to me to referee.  If they didn't get along so well, I can imagine it would have taken longer.

 

But, now my oldest is about to be 15 and I have my now 10 year old moping all over the place, wanting to tell me every.little,thing.the.cat.does. or all about his latest adventures in minecraft. He just doesn't have a playmate any longer.

 

But that doesn't mean you don't get to take some time, ok?  Yes, you are allowed to tell them to leave mommy alone while she eats her lunch, or give you 10 mins.

 

But I don't think you get to pee alone yet.  Sorry about that.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I'm sorry, I'm back...still thinking about this...

 

As a mother, did you know that the time you spend being available for them now is banking relationship for the future? There's a reason why some teens and young adults confide in their mother and take her advice. It's spelled T-I-M-E. And trust, and patience, and wisdom, but mostly just being there for them over the years.

 

So don't wish this phase away. This is the bedrock season where you lay the foundation for a good relationship with your boys for life. Do whatever it takes to get the rest and respite you need to be able to keep your head in the game for the next long while. Take this good advice in the thread about daily quiet times and weekly babysitters. Get yourself some support so you can make these the best years to look back on. Embrace it. Not just for your boys but for you, too.

 

I hope you will. I definitely should have gathered more support and more frequent breaks for myself when I was at your stage. I hope you'll be wiser! :)

[Bluegoat]

I think I found things started to get a little better when the youngest was three, and much better at four and five.  My eldest is pretty good at organizing the younger ones, and seems to do so without prompting, which is quite helpful.

[Ottakee]

You might find this interesting https://bay168.mail.live.com/?tid=cmb7UfWlLZ5BG89wAiZMGX3A2&fid=flinbox  It is an article on getting kids, starting as toddlers to play on their own for a least a short time every day.

 

I honestly think that at 3-9 you should be able to have a few quiet mom minutes while they play together.  It isn't going to be hours but I dont' think it is unrealistic for them to be able to work up to 30 minutes or so of time in a different room, playing together (or alone) while you are still there in case of emergencies.

 

Can you dh give you an hour or 2 away a week to meet a friend, take a walk alone, run errands alone, etc?

 

While I am all for being there for your kids, etc. I do think that kids need to realize that mom needs some time alone to do something for herself occ. for an hour or 2 while they are cared for by someone else.

[fruitofthewomb]

I know what you mean about 3 years old-that has always seemed like the age when I feel sane again. I have a 3 yr old now & she will play by herself, I don't worry so much about her safety, etc. but she is still pretty needy. And wants to 'help' me & still crawls up in my lap even if I have hot coffee & food. I also have older ones & a 1 yr old. I have to wait to do any paperwork type stuff until 1 year old is asleep. And I never get time to myself. So hugs to you!

 

And thanks Tibbie for your wise words. Some days I just want to scream from being talked to & touched so much. But I know these are important years.

 

Oh-I do tell them 'I am taking a break right now for 10 min. Anything you ask me-the answer will be no. Leave me alone for these 10 min.' I do that at my meal times (except dinner which is around the table). And I lock the bathroom door when I shower & put on makeup (which is only when DH is home). I ignore any questions, banging, crying, etc.

[Guest]

Um, considering that mine who is working on the doctorate called because she has the stomach flu, and the Navy LT just texted because the truck got towed, and the junior in AROTC just texted because the creepy guy down the hall is stalking her again, I'd say, NEVER! At least the AFROTC dude just texted to say thanks for the package and I only had to run after the sophomore with one bag she forgot on the way to the meeting, I'd say it was a pretty good day. 

 

This is why we had enforced quiet time. Every day. For years. They didn't need it--*I* did!

 

My 27 and 26 year olds can go for months without contacting me and it's been awhile since I've had a kid call me in the middle of the night because they need me to send them a Western Union RIGHT NOW or knock on my door needing to crash on my couch until they can find a job and a place to live, but I'm not about to jinx it by saying they don't need me any more.

[lovinmyboys]

Thanks everyone. Like I said I really enjoy spending time with them and I definitely don't want to wish the time away. I am hoping that by being available to them now, they will still be talking to me as teens and adults.

 

I don't need a ton of time away from them...maybe a few 15 minute spurts throughout the day. Today we had a picnic in the backyard and I was pretty involved in that. After the picnic, I would have liked to eat my own lunch without too many interruptions. I feel like I give them a ton of attention, so sometimes they just need to do their own thing if that makes sense. I'm trying to find the balance of spending time with them and showing them love, care, and attention and also teaching them to give people some space. Not sure if I worded that right.

 

For instance, go build Legos for 20 minutes then tell me about it. I don't really need a running commentary (although it can be pretty cute). And I can't look every 5 seconds or it will take me 30 minutes to fold one load of laundry.

 

Is is nice to hear that my kids are still young. My baby just turned 3 so I guess I feel like I don't qualify as a "mom of young children" anymore. No diapers, no nursing, and everyone sleeps thru the night for the most part. It's like I have no excuse to be tired.

[LibraryLover]

It's exhausting, no doubt. That's when family or community can lend a hand to tired Mom. I get that many folks do not have that support. It makes everything that much more difficult.

 

I turned this around on myself a few years ago: "When do students stop needing their teacher so much?"   I realized that my answer was never.  I would be angry if a teacher thought cleaning his classroom was more important than teaching/being available to my child/students. 

 

We all need support. Don't let yourself burn out.

[Kerileanne99]

I'm sorry, I'm back...still thinking about this...

 

As a mother, did you know that the time you spend being available for them now is banking relationship for the future? There's a reason why some teens and young adults confide in their mother and take her advice. It's spelled T-I-M-E. And trust, and patience, and wisdom, but mostly just being there for them over the years.

 

So don't wish this phase away. This is the bedrock season where you lay the foundation for a good relationship with your boys for life. Do whatever it takes to get the rest and respite you need to be able to keep your head in the game for the next long while. Take this good advice in the thread about daily quiet times and weekly babysitters. Get yourself some support so you can make these the best years to look back on. Embrace it. Not just for your boys but for you, too.

 

I hope you will. I definitely should have gathered more support and more frequent breaks for myself when I was at your stage. I hope you'll be wiser! :)

I needed to be reminded of this today:)

Thanks for taking the time....

[goldberry]

I have a 16 yo who needs me more now than when she was small.  Lots of drama and always needing to talk and process.  Emotionally draining, leaving me exhausted.  I remember when I birthed her (I never dreamed of homeschooling) I thought, oh, about 5 years heavy duty needing, then to school, then light parenting after that...

 

HA!  

[wintermom]

You're still a mom of very young children. It's some freedom to be past the diaper and nursing stage, but 3 is still very dependent on mommy. 

 

"Freedom" for dh and I came when the oldest could babysit the rest of the gang and we could go out for short times without any dc. 

 

 

I find it helps when a friend or 2 come over - then they play really well on their own and I get some time to relax a bit.

 

And with boys, you'll probably find them drawn to electronic devices (if they aren't already). Minecraft can be wonderful for some mommy-alone time, too.

[Mom22ns]

When my dd was 3, I used to take her out in public just so she would stop talking. She was shy and the ONLY time she stopped talking to me all day long was if we went out where there were strangers around. Sometimes I'd take her to Wal-Mart for something I didn't even need, just to have one moment of peace. 

 

Fast forward 13 years, she is sitting in the recliner with her laptop and is perfectly silent. Some days she goes the whole day and hardly talks to me outside of school work. Other days we spend so much time talking, it is hard to get school done. :). I'm thankful that I listened non-stop when she was 3. I'm thankful that she still shares with me, although I know there are things she doesn't share and there are plenty of quiet times. 

 

Three is not a magically independent age. In my house it wasn't even a vaguely independent age. Having four young children does not lend itself to breaks scattered through the day, although maybe one or two and some time when dh gets home would be worth striving toward.

 

Hang in there. It is coming. You're just going to have to hold out awhile longer. How much longer? It is different for every family, but it will come. It always does.

 

 

[Garga]

I only have two. When the youngest turned 7, things changed. I suddenly had free time. They still need me, but I can get more than 3 minutes of alone time now.

[redsquirrel]

Thanks everyone. Like I said I really enjoy spending time with them and I definitely don't want to wish the time away. I am hoping that by being available to them now, they will still be talking to me as teens and adults.

 

I don't need a ton of time away from them...maybe a few 15 minute spurts throughout the day. Today we had a picnic in the backyard and I was pretty involved in that. After the picnic, I would have liked to eat my own lunch without too many interruptions. I feel like I give them a ton of attention, so sometimes they just need to do their own thing if that makes sense. I'm trying to find the balance of spending time with them and showing them love, care, and attention and also teaching them to give people some space. Not sure if I worded that right.

 

For instance, go build Legos for 20 minutes then tell me about it. I don't really need a running commentary (although it can be pretty cute). And I can't look every 5 seconds or it will take me 30 minutes to fold one load of laundry.

 

Is is nice to hear that my kids are still young. My baby just turned 3 so I guess I feel like I don't qualify as a "mom of young children" anymore. No diapers, no nursing, and everyone sleeps thru the night for the most part. It's like I have no excuse to be tired.

 

I think a few 15 mins throughout the day is quite reasonable.  You don't need to explain or justify that At All!

 

And it is FINE to start to teach them "Mommy isn't really interested in Legos. Why don't you tell the cat? or whatever you need to do. I am still working on that with my 10 year old, lol.  But you are allowed to try and still consider yourself an attentive mom. But it is what kids do. They love us and want to interact with us, they just don't have a whole lot going on in their lives to chat about, so the bring us what they have.  It's sort of like how I am always telling dh amusing stuff I see on twitter or here on the boards. You work with what you have, lol.

 

One thing I was sort of hard core about, and there is room for a variety of opinions about this, I did not "play" with my kids. I just didn't. Some moms I know would be on the floor with the Legos out of some belief that it was part of being a good parent, not because they enjoyed it.  Or out there playing tag or whatever.  Nope. Not for me.  I mean, I did the occasional tea party, but that was it. I know my kids and that was a slippery slope I did not want to get on. 

 

 

[Starr]

Just saying, mine didn't stop talking in their teens.  :leaving:

[lmrich]

Quiet time. We called it siesta time in our house. Every afternoon for 30 - 60 minutes they had to retreat to their rooms for quiet play or book time. Often they would listen to a book on tape or just play. If they came out of the room to ask about how much longer I would add more time on to the end. They learned how to be independent. They liked their time alone. In the summer, siesta was always followed by snack and pool time. 

 

Now my kids love to stay in thier room - Netflix - uggh

[Tsuga]

I was told when the wee one is seven, provided no extenuating circumstances, you get a bit of time. Ours are 13, 11, 8 and 5. My me time is at work.

[marbel]

I only have two, and they are teens, but I am needed as much as ever.  Maybe more so because things are more intense. When a 16-year-old has 10 minutes to get out the door to youth group and can't find deodorant, you've got a serious crisis!

[mom2att]

 

"Freedom" for dh and I came when the oldest could babysit the rest of the gang and we could go out for short times without any dc. 

 

 

This. Totally. My husband travels a lot, so when the kids were small even running out of milk became an adventure of getting everyone dressed and in the car just to trudge through the store for a gallon of milk. My life changed dramatically when I could leave at least one of the younger ones at home with the oldest. I think she was about 12 before both she and I were comfortable with that.

 

But I will also say that while the physical "needing Mom" times become less as the kids get older, the emotional "needing Mom" time becomes greater. My kids take care of their own physical needs and are fairly self-sufficient, but the questions, and the conversations, and the need for mom to always be there emotionally really hits in the teen and pre-teen years. And while it's a different kind of tired than the physical needs, it's still exhausting.

 

So like many things with parenting, it doesn't ever get fully easier. The difficult parts just change--in a good way, though, as you watch them growing into the adults they will be.

[Hikin' Mama]

I'm sorry, I'm back...still thinking about this...

 

As a mother, did you know that the time you spend being available for them now is banking relationship for the future? There's a reason why some teens and young adults confide in their mother and take her advice. It's spelled T-I-M-E. And trust, and patience, and wisdom, but mostly just being there for them over the years.

 

So don't wish this phase away. This is the bedrock season where you lay the foundation for a good relationship with your boys for life. Do whatever it takes to get the rest and respite you need to be able to keep your head in the game for the next long while. Take this good advice in the thread about daily quiet times and weekly babysitters. Get yourself some support so you can make these the best years to look back on. Embrace it. Not just for your boys but for you, too.

 

I hope you will. I definitely should have gathered more support and more frequent breaks for myself when I was at your stage. I hope you'll be wiser! :)

YES!

[Hikin' Mama]

I still need my mom and I'm 47. I do let her use the bathroom alone now, though. :)

 

P.S. I have a wonderful mom who is also one of my best friends.

[MeAndTheBoys]

my boys are 6, 10 and 12 and we have such a good time together.

 

i need time to recharge though--there are LOTS of times i come into my room and read a magazine or book or do computer stuff and quite frankly, I say, "MY time; don't disturb Mom for 15 minutes."  They've learned.

 

I now lock the door when I shower or pee--they still come knocking sometimes :)

 

My 12 year old doesn't need me so much now, but thankfully he still chooses to hang out with me and talk-he's my big shopper; we go to the store and he'll push the buggy.

 

I think with little ones, you do need to establish moments of sanity-restoration and get them to respect that.  But they're going to hang around for a LOOONNNG time, and when that baby of yours gets to 5 or 6, you'll start to even miss it a little bit.  Sometimes now, as clingy as they usually are, I'll find that they HAVEN"T come to see me in a while, and I think, "I'm obsolete!  No one needs me!", lol.

 

It's hard.  But if you have some under 5, you've got a ways to go, but they can respect tiny chunks of mom-time; don't create monsters :)

 

b

[BlsdMama]

My baby. sister spent last weekend at my mom and dad's because she was sick and wanted to be taken care of. She's almost thirty.

 

;)

 

Judging by my parents it seems like they spend more time with us kids as adults than they did when we were little.

 

Speaking from my own experience I think it's far more important to be available for your teens than littles. I think they seem more independent around 7-11 but then need you to be available on their time frame for long talks, etc when they are 13+.

[speedmom4]

I felt like you do when my children were younger. They are now 19, 17, 15, and 13. About two years ago I suddenly noticed that life got much much easier. My oldest went off to college and the younger ones were busy with their own endeavors. I still go through seasons of exhaustion but it's not as often. Also because everything is not as physically demanding it's less draining for me. I also have time for myself. Now I can exercise, take classes at Church, and go shopping alone! Sometimes I actually feel guilty that it's so much easier.

 

I know this statement is overused but enjoy them when they are small! They are gone before you know it!

 

Elise in NC

[Miss Marple]

BTDT - 4 boys within 6 years.  I love this quote that another WTMer has on her signature line.  Over the years I have found it holds true. 

 

"If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when [your children] are little, they won't tell you the big stuff
when they are big, because to them, all of it has always been big stuff." - Catherine M Wallace

 

 

My boys are now older and the rewards of the early effort is certainly being shown.  Those early years are soooo long....and so short.  There is an end to the early chaos...just hang on and get through it :)

 

 

I learned to get up earlier in order to have just a few minutes of "me" time.  Those few minutes were precious :)

 

[Happy]

With both of mine we found they really grew into adulthood at age 24....they were able to cope, live, and mostly support themselves by then. One of mine still needs a lot of over the phone conversation.

 

Some of the most rocky days we ever had with the oldest were when he was between the ages of 19-22.

 

Hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[EmseB]

Okay, this may not be the place to put this, but this thread is making me feel a lot of mom-guilt.

 

My 2yo and my 7yo have been playing nicely and quietly together for the last 30 minutes or so with their little army men and and cars and such.  This isn't an unusual thing in the mornings and after school is done.  Don't get me wrong, there are times when all three of them are talking to me at once while I'm nursing the baby and my head almost explodes, but I've never played with them and they don't ask me to join in their set ups.  I think the 7yo and the 5yo realize that as long as they aren't fighting, then mom isn't going to find something school-ish or chore-ish for them to do if she's got other things going on.  So they keep their play pretty reasonable until I realize, "Hey, they should be doing their morning jobs!"

 

I think maybe this last pregnancy made me irrelevant so they go elsewhere for entertainment.

[Ellie]

I know they always need their mom somewhat 😄. I love being a mom and really enjoy being with my kids, but I am worn out. They are four boys age 3 to almost 9. I think I had mentally marked this year as a year I would have a little time to myself. That set me up for disappointment because I feel busier than ever and I have no time to do anything I want to do.

 

It seems like my IRL friends have time to do a little of what they want. So, how do you make time for that? Do you tell your kids to go away and leave you alone? My kids are constantly talking to me, wanting to show me something, asking me to do something with them or for them. I don't know...I'm afraid I created monsters. They aren't bad kids at all, but I just think at their ages they shouldn't be so needy.

 

I'm sure I will miss these days when they are teenagers and I can barely get a word out of them, but it sure would be nice to be able to complete a thought every once in a while.

 

I don't entertain my dc. As soon as they are able to do anything alone, I let them. I tell them to go play. I don't let them follow me into the bathroom. When Mr. Ellie is home, I tell them to go ask him. I don't let them follow me around the house (except for the babies, you know).

 

Also, when they were little, I did some things in the evening when Mr. Ellie was home--grocery shopping (I abhor grocery shopping with children), a dance class, Bible study.

[The Girls' Mom]

 

Is is nice to hear that my kids are still young. My baby just turned 3 so I guess I feel like I don't qualify as a "mom of young children" anymore. No diapers, no nursing, and everyone sleeps thru the night for the most part. It's like I have no excuse to be tired.

I have a friend that was happy to be reminded of this too.  It IS hard to see them as little when they are that age and you are in the middle of it, but they are still babies :)  And it IS still an exhausting age.  IMO preschoolers and young elementary kids suck more out of you than diapers and bottles.  

[LucyStoner]

Thanks everyone. Like I said I really enjoy spending time with them and I definitely don't want to wish the time away. I am hoping that by being available to them now, they will still be talking to me as teens and adults.

 

I don't need a ton of time away from them...maybe a few 15 minute spurts throughout the day. Today we had a picnic in the backyard and I was pretty involved in that. After the picnic, I would have liked to eat my own lunch without too many interruptions. I feel like I give them a ton of attention, so sometimes they just need to do their own thing if that makes sense. I'm trying to find the balance of spending time with them and showing them love, care, and attention and also teaching them to give people some space. Not sure if I worded that right.

 

For instance, go build Legos for 20 minutes then tell me about it. I don't really need a running commentary (although it can be pretty cute). And I can't look every 5 seconds or it will take me 30 minutes to fold one load of laundry.

 

Is is nice to hear that my kids are still young. My baby just turned 3 so I guess I feel like I don't qualify as a "mom of young children" anymore. No diapers, no nursing, and everyone sleeps thru the night for the most part. It's like I have no excuse to be tired.

Three is young. And mothering four is a full time job. You don't need an excuse to be tired, you are tired.

 

We have quiet time. My youngest was able to handle that when he was about 3-4. It's up to about an hour (we started with 20-30 minutes), give or take, and no one is to talk to mama unless there is blood or fire or actual emergency. No, telling me what score your got on the daily geography quiz is not an actual emergency. They can do what they want- read, play in their room, watch something in the living room. Usually my older son reads on the top bunk while my younger son plays with his toys on the floor while listening to a book on tape. Or big son reads to little son. I need the down time so that I can be a half decent mom the rest of the day. I am usually in my bedroom. The trick though is making sure I use this time to rest and relax and recharge. No cleaning just one thing, no taking care of that email for homeschool group. No nothing. For me, reading is ok, idle web surfing ok but not great, watching a show is ok, napping or meditating is best. The days I nap are my A+ days.

[LibraryLover]

Interesting thoughts in this thread. :)   I get to sleep at night now, which I didn't with little kids. That's cool. I vividly remember wishing I could run away to a local hotel for a night or two, just to sleep. That was my big fantasy back then.

 

Sometimes I wish for the days of reading Goodnight, Moon 10 times in a row. It was so easy compared to talking with older children who force you to think.  They ask big life questions, they ask you to proof read  papers at 10pm at night.  They expect reciprocity in conversation. They expect thoughtful feedback.  That's truly mentally exhausting. I could read Good Night moon half asleep. I cannot discuss Kaiser Wilhelm II, his  cognitive issues & physical limitations, and how that helped change the world and bring on war etc., half asleep.  I am not a thesaurus at 10 or 11pm. I am certainly not up to discussing what you should do with the rest of your life at that time, either. Heck, I'm not even up for it at noon.  The stakes seem so much higher now. ;)

[fairfarmhand]

Interesting thoughts in this thread. :)   I get to sleep at night now, which I didn't with little kids. That's cool. I vividly remember wishing I could run away to a local hotel for a night or two, just to sleep. That was my big fantasy back then.

 

Sometimes I wish for the days of reading Goodnight, Moon 10 times in a row. It was so easy compared to talking with older children who make you need to think. They ask big life questions, they ask you to proof read  papers at 10pm at night.  They expect reciprocity in conversation. They expect thoughtful feedback.  That's truly mentally exhausting. I could read Good Night moon half asleep. I cannot discuss Kaiser Wilhelm II, his  cognitive issues & physical limitations, and that helped change the world and bring on war etc., half asleep.  I am not a thesaurus at 10 or 11pm. I am certainly not up to discussing what you should do with the rest of your life at that time, either. Heck, I'm not even up for it at noon.  The stakes seem so much higher now. ;)

 

Have you noticed that if you get woken up in the middle of the night for some weird thing with your kids that it is SO hard to deal with the situation now after you're used to sleeping all night? I was woken at 1 am for a nosebleed last night and I was like "What?" "Who are you? What do you want? Go to BED!"

 

Bigger kids are a different kind of hard. You trade physical exhaustion for mental and emotional exhaustion. And when you have a large age span it is even crazier. There's 10 years between my oldest and youngest. So when my little guy was 2-3 and my oldest was 12-13, and I was dealing with toddler tantrums and teen tantrums all at once, I was WIPED out.

 

Come to think of it, those are the years that I struggled with depression. Could be a correlation right there.

[PeacefulChaos]

My kids are pretty self-sufficient.  

 

I've never understood the 'never having time to pee alone' sentiment.  With the boys, they never tried to follow me around, into the bathroom, whatever.  Pink did a few times, and I closed the door in her face and told her I had to pee, so get out.  :lol:  

 

I never played with my kids.  I have no desire to hear about Pokemon for the 50 millionth time, so I limit video game talk at the dinner table.  I guess you could say that I've always kind of considered 'kid life' and 'adult life' to be sort of separate.  I've always done my thing, the kids have done theirs.  I don't like babies, I never have been a huge fan of little kids, or any kids, really, other than my own, so when friends are over I don't micromanage or try to be involved in what they do - Idk.  I don't know why my kids haven't ever been particularly needy, other than that it's just our family culture.  I knew women who wouldn't do dishes for days and had mold growing on them and in the sink because their 18 month old 'was crying and wouldn't let them do the dishes'.... uh, okay... I mean, there have to be boundaries somewhere (by no means am I saying that anyone here is suggesting anything like that!) and our boundaries were always pretty clear.  My life doesn't revolve around my kids and it never has, nor do I believe it should.  And I think it's better for everyone.

[SharonM]

I called my mom just a few days ago, crying and upset.  She calmed me down. Made it somewhat better. So I guess never? I am 58.  I also remember my mom saying how much she missed her mom and needed to talk to her, and my grandma has been gone 20 years.

I guess we are stuck for life.

 

[SKL]

When my kids were younger, I had one hour per week that I considered "me time."  That was the hour they were in Sunday School (and I was in grown-up Sunday School, just sitting and vegging).

 

I did finally accept the second-best solution called "bathroom reading" when I realized it could be many more years before I get to read like normal people.

 

My suggestion:  try to get all the chores done (with the help of your older kids) by the time they are all in bed, and then take an hour or so for some grown-up leisure.

 

My kids are now 8yo and I can send them out the door (when weather allows) for hours at a time.  But, they are likely to come back drenched / muddy / injured / fighting and having left personal effects up and down the street.  So yeah, it may still be a while before my time is truly my own.  :/

[SKL]

My kids have always played together for an hour or more in the house / yard.  But until they were 6 or so, I was still supervising with my ears.  And I heard everything.  :P  It was definitely not "me time."

 

Never had trouble going to the bathroom alone (that I recall), although I used to take my tots in with me as part of potty training.  But again, if that's me time, it isn't particularly high quality.  :P

 

Since about age 6 or 7, I have been able to have the kids sit downstairs and do school work while I sit upstairs and "work."  They will do this for hours, especially if I tell them I have to be left alone to work on something important.  I tell them they can watch educational videos after they are both done with their work. 

 

So maybe the answer to your question is that you have about 3 more years to go before you can be peacefully left alone by all of your kids for a while?

[SKL]

I remember when my kids were tots and I had to stop doing yoga with them around, because they would not stop climbing on me during downward dog.  :P  And I had to stop playing the piano because they would not keep their fingers off of it while I was playing.  And I didn't have the heart to yell at them for wanting to do stuff with me.

 

Of course I can now do both yoga and piano with them in the room.  :P

[unsinkable]

Woken up for a nosebleed? I wish.

 

My nosebleeder sleeps right through his and it looks like a crime scene in the morning. And he must swallow a lot of blood bc he is usually sick to his stomach those morning.

[Luanne]

I still have to request some quiet time sometimes.  My only daughter is 26.

[KungFuPanda]

For me, I got a little 'me time' when my youngest was 4. However, this involved me leaving the house. The minute I hit the door everyone needs me. I used to claim a 30-minute 'inactive' window when I came home so I didn't get ambushed. They would ask Daddy for NOTHING for two hours then bombard me before my shoes were off.

 

Now that I have teens it's MUCH easier. Sometimes I track THEM down for attention because they're holed up in their rooms. I'm not sure you can bank on that since you have twice as many children, BUT you should be able to finish a thought once everyone is past the age of nine.

 

You CAN make up weird rules if you don't mind them becoming family lore. At a certain age kids are 'old enough to threaten' and things like '10 minutes of silence or no screen time' actually work. Someone on this board doesn't allow talking to her until her coffee is gone. There's a hysterical post somewhere about the kid impatiently checking the cup, but not talking until it's empty. Lots of people have a quiet hour after lunch.

 

I'm a raging extrovert, but I highly value my quiet home. If my kids were naturally loud (they're not) I'd take definite steps to carve out some peace. Honestly, noise bugs me much more than people. My sister's kids are LOUD and she has four, so she has to work harder to get a moment to herself. She walks the dogs A LOT.

[katilac]

I made the original 'feel lucky when you pee alone' comment, but I actually do have some suggestions and agree that there is nothing wrong with telling them you are unavailable for 15 minutes or an hour - it's just that free time is not likely to happen naturally, you have to make it happen. 

 

Do whatever is needed to make your backyard safe and appealing. Ours is fenced and a glass door overlooks it, so my kids were able to play outside alone from a young age. If you don't have these advantages, put strong visual borders in place and invest in a camera system that relays to your TV (if you prefer to have them in sight).

 

Turning on the sprinkler would keep mine outside for quite some time. Handing out popsicles would lengthen it. Get a piece of plywood and cover it with chalkboard paint. Get a giant whiteboard. Water and sand table. Bubble guns. If you do have a fence, they can have fun 'painting' on it with a spray bottle of water. Sacrifice a corner of the yard to digging - most kids will dig and tear up the lawn endlessly! 

 

No matter what, make sure they are getting outdoor time and active play every day. Even if you have to supervise, it results in more quiet time at home (and is good for them, of course). 

 

We limited screen time so much that offering to let them watch a video or play on the computer while I napped or read worked like a charm every time. 

 

An hour of quiet time every afternoon - I actually didn't care if they were particularly quiet, so long as they stayed in their room! 

 

I always ran errands alone in the evening. 

 

Most kids have a weird fascination with tape. I used to buy it by the truckload, and they would amuse themselves endlessly with tape, paper, crayons, craft scraps, and blunt scissors. Seriously, I have never met the kid who isn't happy to be given a roll of tape that they can completely use up. Some kids won't even attempt to make anything, they will just rip off tape and stick it to paper, themselves (and sometimes the table, so be wary if you have better furniture than I do).  

 

They would 'clean' for quite a good while if I gave them a pack of wet wipes, randomly wiping down baseboards, appliances, whatever. This was separate from actually teaching them to do chores; it was strictly for a bit of peace and quiet! 

 

My two were close in age, but if I'd had an older sibling in the mix, I would have had no problem bribing him or her to keep the others safe and busy for a while.