hornblower Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Where I"m from (deep South) it is considered insulting NOT to address those older than you this way (as well as others in positions of authority over you). The thought that it could be insulting to someone to call them Sir or Ma'am is very foreign to us, indeed. And, being insolent no matter the words is not ok either. Respect for adults is taught and not distinguished by words, but more-so by attitude/behavior. THIS "as well as others in positions of authority over you" is for me the incomprehensible part of this, that in the US some people would be so concerned about authority & position. I don't view people as having authority over me. I don't believe in automatic respect for people because of gender or rank or age or anything. We treat people equally. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 That's their problem and it's weird. That's what I'm saying - I don't know why it matters so much on either side. I don't think it's horrible or rude if people do say it, or if they don't. They just do or don't. It's not something that I think needs to be complicated. If you were taught that it was rude, which I was, as were my peers, growing up, then when someone says it to you, unexpectedly, than you think they are sassing you. It wasn't the norm where I grew up. You simply didn't call people ma'am or sir unless you intended to be rude. I didn't know it was the norm in the south until I moved to the south.It's not about being complicated, it's about not knowing other cultural norms. I do know differently now, and no longer get upset when someone calls me ma'am because I've been exposed to a different cultural norm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Wondering now how I grew up in circumstances sufficiently multicultural that people simply were themselves, expressing their normal cultural traits, without the frankly wierd reactions I have read in this thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doodlebug Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 We utilize yes ma'am and yes sir here because it what our regional culture understands and appreciates. And, DS uses those forms of address with us in response to verbal instruction because he needs practice if the words are to be used at all. I had the argument with DH when DS was 3-ish, and now it all seems pretty silly. My beef with the words doesn't strip them of their significance to my community... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Wondering now how I grew up in circumstances sufficiently multicultural that people simply were themselves, expressing their normal cultural traits, without the frankly wierd reactions I have read in this thread. I have been thinking about this too. I wonder if even that is regional. When I lived in the west (California and Oregon) there were people from all over the place living there too. Maybe everyone just got used to each other and it wasn't a big deal. Now I live in the suburbs of Philadelphia and I would say that this place is not as multicultural as my previous homes. But still I don't get strange reactions when I say "y'all" instead of "youse" - in fact I've never heard anyone say "youse" except when mocking their own Philadelphianess or quoting the movie Rocky. Maybe it's 'cause I live in the 'burbs? I've never gotten a look of disapproval when I say "Thank you ma'am" to a grocery store clerk or "thank you sir" to a guy letting me go through a door ahead of him. Or to the clerk at the post office, or.... It simply has never been that big a deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I was raised in the south, I use ma'am and sir regularly to show respect, and yet I don't require it. I hated that feeling after I had answered a question perfectly respectfully but still got that snotty reminder so say ma'am or sir. My children learned from example to use ma'am and sir but I don't expect or require it in any situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cottonwood Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 THIS "as well as others in positions of authority over you" is for me the incomprehensible part of this, that in the US some people would be so concerned about authority & position. I don't view people as having authority over me. I don't believe in automatic respect for people because of gender or rank or age or anything. We treat people equally. LOL I knew when I typed that it might confuse some. Clarifying ... as in when police officer pulls you over, or when addressing maybe...a teacher, or judge, or anyone in a similar position of authority. As with any culture, those not living in it might scratch their heads trying to understand or fail to understand all together. Just like I originally said...not doing such AND the notion that it might actually offend someone is very foreign to us. Because we didn't live in that culture. I appreciate the sentiment expressed in this thread to just appreciate all the differences. I've taught my kids that if someone DOESN'T address others in this way, it's just b/c they weren't taught to do so. Southern or not and oh well. Whereas I have known others to teach their children that it's downright wrong for others not to teach their family to do so. We are all about tolerance and try to live-and- let-live. We would have never adjusted well moving all over the place if we didn't feel this way. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 THIS "as well as others in positions of authority over you" is for me the incomprehensible part of this, that in the US some people would be so concerned about authority & position. I don't view people as having authority over me. I don't believe in automatic respect for people because of gender or rank or age or anything. We treat people equally. For me, authority cos in a group situation. When you consent to be part of certain groups, you consent to be governed or led. Some groups just are not well-served by democratic management. In those cases, I accept authority. My kids go to school. I ask them to respect themselves, the teacher, and all the other kids for me. I like the idea of everything being totally equal. In reality sometimes I find it very convenient that we all listen to the judge (if she is using her position to uphold the law) because sometimes relying on people's better instincts is not very useful. In those cases I prefer to appeal to authority. "Oh you'd like to take my car? Well that guy over there has handcuffs and some friends with tasers. So please leave." Hence, authority. I accept it. But not mindlessly... I just respect law and order because generally, as a woman, it serves me. But I will join in the revolution for a more just state if anyone's up for it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 No, his (Northern) grandparents would fall off the couch laughing. I'm happy with an "Okay." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 THIS "as well as others in positions of authority over you" is for me the incomprehensible part of this, that in the US some people would be so concerned about authority & position. I don't view people as having authority over me. I don't believe in automatic respect for people because of gender or rank or age or anything. We treat people equally. Actually, I think it goes beyond people in authority over you.Where I am in the South, it is just polite. I say "ma'am" to the cashiers at Walmart, as in "Thank you, Ma'am." There is no authority in that situation either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Hey, do you guys know when the biggest school bombing in the US occurred? Don't everybody answer all at once! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Hey, do you guys know when the biggest school bombing in the US occurred? Don't everybody answer all at once! Please Miss, is it the Bath School bombing of 1927, Miss? It is very important to me that my children refer to me with respect. I have ensured that they respect me with a careful upbringing. I think if all kids today had a little more discipline, and we still had corporal punishment in schools, this sort of sandy hook nonsense would never happen. cum hoc ergo propter hoc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Very tempted, but I am not going to make a joke about school shootings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Please Miss, is it the Bath School bombing of 1927, Miss? It is indeed. That was a tragedy, no joke there, but however I look at it I can't figure a way that more corporal punishment would've prevented it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I don't remember if I responded.... I don't require it, it is not very common here at all in my section of the Midwest. I have been watching myself lately and I do use it myself at times, especially in stores with people I don't really know. I have heard my kids use it at times mostly I just wish to be responded to with kindness and respect and I don't find that requires any certain words, especially since those words aren't really used except in a small section of the US it is a bit preposterous that being respectful requires these words, Southerners don't have some monopoly on manners. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I'd say I live in a neutral area in regard to the use of ma'am and sir. It's used infrequently but there isn't a negative connotation unless someone uses a very obviously sarcastic tone of voice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 That's their problem and it's weird. That's what I'm saying - I don't know why it matters so much on either side. I don't think it's horrible or rude if people do say it, or if they don't. They just do or don't. It's not something that I think needs to be complicated. Yep, but many groups of people get very upset over terminology, so this group is no different. It's just a different variation of the same theme. Racial groups demand to be called a certain thing, or it's rude. Nationalities demand a certain term or pronunciation. Some women get offended by some titles. Etc, etc. As long as we say "That's their problem and it's weird." to ALL of those people when their preferences are not honored through an innocent variation from someone else, then it's not a double standard. Either it's "When in Rome" for all people, or none, or else it's not a fair situation. So I don't get upset when someone has an innocent, different (non-hostile) way to address me than I would prefer. I would expect that from others, no matter who they are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 It's a regional thing. I remember when I moved to FL and TN....the first year or so I found it weird. Now, I've been here so long that I just view it as a Southern thing. I've told my kids that it's polite here to say "Miss first name" or "Mister first name" and to say "Yes Sir" or "Yes Ma'am." I don't require that to me, though....although sometimes my kids will jokingly say "Yes, Sir" to me and salute. I didn't like that so as a result of my great Battleship prowess on the iPad, they may now refer to me as Admiral of the Fleet Mom instead. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Weber Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 I definitely require my three teenage boys to answer yes sir, no sir and yes ma’am, no ma’am. They are being raised to be polite, well mannered young men. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ditto Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 Zombie thread. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 Wow, that's a blast from the past read through. 6 years. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 What is with all these zombie threads today? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristin0713 Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 (edited) UGH, the zombie got me 🧟♂️🤦♀️ Edited March 22, 2021 by kristin0713 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gstharr Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 I grew up in So. Cal. As a teen, I used Sir and Ma'am a lot. Parents of friends and dates seemed really impressed, and the parents granted them more liberties because of my politeness. Professionally, I use the terms a lot in interactions with officals and their assistants,. I address clients by those terms because I am uncomfortable with calling them by their first names, and Mister and Mrs. seems even more formal. As to the 10th grader, I am not a stickler but he does use the terms regularly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 Zombie thread! I remember when this one came out. 🙂 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 1 hour ago, OH_Homeschooler said: What is with all these zombie threads today? I dunno, but I've noticed a lot of them recently -- it looks like there are some bots that have been aimed on this site for some reason. It's actually kind of fun, because I get to reread old threads I'd never otherwise find. Threads from before I was on this forum! By the way, I've actually shifted radically away from my roots and have started asking for "ma'am" during school time. I actually find it awkward and weird, but we've had to really shift things this year in order to establish a bit more of a hierarchy in our homeschooling environment... because we're otherwise an extremely democratic family, with a lot of emphasis on listening to kids, and trying to run lessons with that mindset was causing ridiculous stress and chaos. Anyway, having a required respectful form of address during school time seems to really help my kids shift contexts. We've made other changes like that, and it's been amazingly helpful. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippymamato3 Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 I always think this is funny. I live in the northeast and no, never. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 I saw hornblower’s name. Is she ok? I know she had cancer. Maybe she’s here under another name? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resilient Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 I didn't. Most of my friends didn't. One friend from the Deep South had her children call adults Ma'am and Sir, and it makes me a little bit uncomfortable, in a way. It's a regional thing, I suspect. We did teach ours to say "Mrs. / Ms. / Mr. Jones" until they were 18yo, and then it was between the two adults. I take the initiative tell the now-adults children of friends or friends of my now-adults to call me by my first name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy W Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 We absolutely require our 4 boys to answer all adults with yes sir, no sir, or yes ma’am, no ma’am. My husband is very strict about having the boys be polite. Good manners do not go out of style. We are often complimented on how polite our boys are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 (edited) ah-OO-GAH... ah-OO-GAH... ah-OO-GAH! ZOMBIE ALERT! ZOMBIE ALERT! ZOMBIE ALERT! Resurrection from a 1st-time poster, presumed to be a zombie...🧟♂️ Edited May 13, 2021 by Lori D. 1 1 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam in CT Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 I'm always curious about really old zombies. Like, HOW is a particular thread or topic targeted for resurrection? What is the actual MECHANISM for the selection? I kinda-sorta get how an actual brand-new IRL person might find the board, and then search for a particular topic to sort of suss out the orientation of the prevailing culture. And, if that's the goal of an actual brand-new IRL person it makes a sense, of sorts, to select controversial/ hot button/ culture war sorts of topics -- it's *efficient* to suss out prevailing winds, if not particularly *good manners* as an opening post (in this particular case, rather ironic, LOL). But if you're a bot, or a full on troll, the selection algorithm really should correct for elapsed time. Communities very often shift, and prevailing sentiments often evolve, in 8 years. Unless of course the SOLE GOAL is to stir the pot, not even a little bit of any other goal. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 39 minutes ago, Pam in CT said: I'm always curious about really old zombies. Like, HOW is a particular thread or topic targeted for resurrection? What is the actual MECHANISM for the selection? I kinda-sorta get how an actual brand-new IRL person might find the board, and then search for a particular topic to sort of suss out the orientation of the prevailing culture. And, if that's the goal of an actual brand-new IRL person it makes a sense, of sorts, to select controversial/ hot button/ culture war sorts of topics -- it's *efficient* to suss out prevailing winds, if not particularly *good manners* as an opening post (in this particular case, rather ironic, LOL). But if you're a bot, or a full on troll, the selection algorithm really should correct for elapsed time. Communities very often shift, and prevailing sentiments often evolve, in 8 years. Unless of course the SOLE GOAL is to stir the pot, not even a little bit of any other goal. It's strange, most other forums lock threads after a period of time... 1-2 years of inactivity, or reaching a certain number of pages. I can't remember seeing that here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 41 minutes ago, Pam in CT said: I'm always curious about really old zombies. Like, HOW is a particular thread or topic targeted for resurrection? What is the actual MECHANISM for the selection? I kinda-sorta get how an actual brand-new IRL person might find the board, and then search for a particular topic to sort of suss out the orientation of the prevailing culture. And, if that's the goal of an actual brand-new IRL person it makes a sense, of sorts, to select controversial/ hot button/ culture war sorts of topics -- it's *efficient* to suss out prevailing winds, if not particularly *good manners* as an opening post (in this particular case, rather ironic, LOL). But if you're a bot, or a full on troll, the selection algorithm really should correct for elapsed time. Communities very often shift, and prevailing sentiments often evolve, in 8 years. Unless of course the SOLE GOAL is to stir the pot, not even a little bit of any other goal. And I particularly wonder when the same thread gets zombified multiple times. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 14 minutes ago, Pawz4me said: And I particularly wonder when the same thread gets zombified multiple times. I do, too! And I also wonder about the motivation for zombifying a thread like this, because it's not even like the new poster is selling something and including a link to their website, and the topic isn't something that would be particularly interesting to a troll. I guess some people have waaaay too much time on their hands. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
importswim Posted May 14, 2021 Share Posted May 14, 2021 No. I'm from England but we live in the south. I'm one of the few parents I know that doesn't require it of my kids. I don't really care if other people think my kids are rude by not responding that way. ☺️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted May 14, 2021 Share Posted May 14, 2021 (edited) Ack, didn’t realize this was a zombie thread until I saw Albeto’s username. 🤦♀️ Edited May 14, 2021 by LucyStoner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.