DawnM Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I mean husbands, not doctors! When did this become popular? A friend and I were discussing this today. She said that her Grandfather was present with his wife when her father was born, 70 years ago. He was born at home though, so not sure this was common. My father is 80, but I have no idea if my grandfather was in the room, but I do know it was in a hospital because my grandmother was a nurse and there was one very close. In the movies/TV shows, they seem to show men in the delivery room after 1960, but I could be completely off. When did it become common? Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I was born in 1969 and my father was in the delivery room with my mom BUT they always talked about him being in there as if it was a Big Deal, kwim? My sister was born in '66 and I'm not sure if he was in the delivery room or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I was born in 1974 and my dad was not in the room. He wasn't even at the hospital until after. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa B Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My father was in the delivery room with each of his children (early '70s.) They asked him if he wanted to cut the cord when I was born - he fainted. From then on, he politely declined. :D My husband didn't take the chance and politely declined each time from the start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My dad never was for his 6 kids born between 1963 and 1979. Neither my mom nor my dad regrets this. :P I think they were starting that for some really modern dads in the 70s. My brothers' kids were born in the 1990s, and they were both in the room. Around that time, people were also allowing their moms, MILs, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My dad was not there for our births, nor was Dh's father for his children. Dh was with me for all four and was a champion support for me. I had mine in the hospital - obgyn the first time and midwives for the others - and the midwives always sad they should hire him, LOL. I think maybe the move occurred as fatherly involvement in infancy and the early childhood years began being highlighted as more important. My dad was a great dad, but not particularly involved until we were school age, and his father had virtually nothing to do with them until they were 8 or 9 years old...same for FIL and FIL's father, and many others I know. So, I think possibly the two are tied together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My brother was in the delivery room when my niece was born in 1988. Dh was in the room when ds was born in 1997. Dss was born in 1977 and the only reason dh wasn't allowed in then was because it was a c-section. My niece above was also c-section, so 10 years later it was okay. I'm not sure when that changed. Dss was in the room when our oldest grandson was born, but not for the youngest last July. That was only because it was an emergency c-section and ddil was helicoptered to the hospital. It all happened much too fast for him to even get there. I don't know any recent children born in the last 15-20 years whose fathers were not in the room, unless he couldn't be there for some reason. I think it began some time in the seventies. I was born long before it was allowed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 As I understand it became more popular in some places in the 1960s and 1970s but wasn't accepted everywhere in the US until the 1980s. My father was told he had to wait outside in 1980 in one state (he ignored that request) and in 1982 in another state it was basically expected that dad would want to be there. My grandfather wasn't present for any of his 9 children's births. The first one he was in WWII in 1943 and didn't have any way to be there but for all of the rest of the kids born from 46-early 60s it just wasn't done where they lived. The Bradley method/ father as labor coach thing was published in the mid 1960s though he developed it years earlier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My mom would also point out that my dad also didn't change diapers until his younger kids (born in 75 and 79). So yes, times have changed a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyMountain Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My dad was for my siblings born in the 70s and me in the early 80s. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I was born in the late 60s and my dad was not allowed in the room. Apparently the doctor wasn't in the room either when I was born. He didn't believe my mom that I was actually coming and I was already out by the time the doctor made it back to the room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My grandfather delivered my dad (stranded at home in a snowstorm), but otherwise wouldn't have been present. My dad wasn't allowed in the delivery room when my siblings were born mid-to-late 1960's, but jumped the opportunity when I came along in 1972. DH was there when I had DS; unfortunately for him, he had a close up view of my emergency C-section (but was glad to be there anyway--and to his huge credit, he neither fainted nor threw up. AND he still loves me. ;) ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My husband was there with all my kids, but looking back at history and seeing what he was like in the delivery room, I can completely understand not having some dads there. I wish there was less cultural expectation around it and that it was just something that could happen or not happen based on each couples choices. I always had my mom go in with me. She was a better delivery coach and didn't get all green looking over things. Midwifery in the US was pushed out pretty hard around 1910 until the 60's. When women stopped having babies in the home, fathers stopped being involved. Partly because in hospitals, for hygienic reasons, they didn't like extra people in the delivery room. I did like that dh could follow the baby and make sure it came back to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Wikipedia has an article on men's roles in childbirth. :) My grandfather attended to my grandmother pre-1960s, but he was a physician. My grandmother, who was also a labor & delivery nurse, said that the change in the 1960s & 1970s came along with several others in L&D: the end of routine episiotomy, the end of routine shaving/enemas, the end of routine heavy sedation, etc. Patients began to have a greater voice in their care, and the relationship between doctor and patient became more collegial---as partners working together towards good health care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My dad was the first dad in the delivery room at Georgetown University Hospital in February 1968. The nurses were getting trained on it the next week, but my sister had to be born there instead of Washington Hospital Center (where she was supposed to be born and where the practice was already in place) for reasons I don't know. Dr. Brew insisted they let my dad in. My mom remembers the nurses worrying more about my dad than her. They didn't quite know what to do with him. Dr. Brew also delivered me, two years later at Hospital Center, with my dad present. He delivered a lot of my friends, too. Our moms loved Dr. Brew. Our moms all think of him as God's gift to the obstetrical world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I'm thinking it began to gain popularity in the very early 70s, because by the time my first dd was born in 1975, it was the norm among *all* my friends. Mr. Ellie was in the delivery room for the birth of both of my dc. :-) Fathers being present at the births of their children went along with Lamaze and Bradley and breastfeeding. Those of us who remember those days lament the enthusiasm that many women have today of scheduling c-sections so they can have their children at specific times, and we are amazed at the number of medical professionals who are still so ignorant about breastfeeding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My aunt told me that in every case, her dh dropped her off at the hospital and went home, and came back only after the child was born. She also was given general anesthesia and so she went in pregnant and woke up with a baby. BIG changes from 1955 to now. My dad dropped Mom off but went and parked the car and came in to wait in the waiting room. With me, he had to wait awhile. My sister, on the other hand, was born in the elevator (or close enough) so Dad went straight to my mom's room. Where she stayed for a WEEK. Big changes from 1959 to now. My dh was with me all the way through. He was a great encouragement. I was sort of freaked out (which sort of freaked me out that I was freaked out) when he left for a few minutes to use the restroom. He was not very comfortable until I got some pain meds. He couldn't deal with it. But once I was doing better, then it was like a giant science experiment and he was as happy as a bug. 1995 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 SKL, my dad never changed a single diaper for my brother, tried ONCE for me - it was a wet one - and promptly threw up - and changed three times for my sister born in 1981. Thirteen years and he went from one unsuccessful attempt to a grand total of three barely successful attempts. I say barely successful because after he left the room, I tightened her diapers up enough that they wouldn't fall off, LOL! Mark's dad never changed a single one, but when his first grandchild was born, he turned into the babysitting grandpa and she stayed with him quite often. He didn't mind by then I guess. I think my grandfather would have said, "What's a diaper?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My father was in the delivery room for me. Not for my older siblings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Either of my grandfathers were present in the delivery room. My dad was in the delivery room for all four of us, starting in 1972. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I was born in 1977. My dad was there for my delivery and for all the subsequent kids' deliveries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I was born in the 60's and my father was NOT allowed in the delivery room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 SKL, my dad never changed a single diaper for my brother, tried ONCE for me - it was a wet one - and promptly threw up - and changed three times for my sister born in 1981. Thirteen years and he went from one unsuccessful attempt to a grand total of three barely successful attempts. I say barely successful because after he left the room, I tightened her diapers up enough that they wouldn't fall off, LOL! Mark's dad never changed a single one, but when his first grandchild was born, he turned into the babysitting grandpa and she stayed with him quite often. He didn't mind by then I guess. I think my grandfather would have said, "What's a diaper?" That's kinda sad. My dad changed diapers. My dad's dad changed diapers. My mom's dad sure didn't though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
go_go_gadget Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 All the diaper talk reminds me that just this past June, the daughter of some family friends was expecting twins, and the mother was flying out to help after the birth. I asked the father why he wasn't going, and he said he'd be no use until they were older. I told him that unless his wife was planning to spontaneously relactate (at 65), then there wasn't a single thing she could do that he couldn't. I was surprised to hear in this day and age; I'm so used to modern fathers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My dad was there when I was born in 1981, but it wasn't a given at that hospital. The Dr. warned him very compassionately, "And don't pass out. If you pass out we'll leave you drooling on the floor because we have bigger things to worry about." My dad did get woozy and have to sit but he stayed conscious :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hypatia. Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I was born in the mid-70s, my dad wasn't allowed in the delivery room. My brother was born mid-80s and though my dad was allowed in but I believe he chose not to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My dad was not present for my birth. However, days after going home, my mother was rehospitalized for two weeks and they did not permit children or babies to visit. So my dad had to take care of me by himself for two weeks, which remained a source of pride for him the rest of his life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I was born in the mid-70s, my dad wasn't allowed in the delivery room. My brother was born mid-80s and though my dad was allowed in but I believe he chose not to be. We were still fighting the battle in the mid-70s, lol, and some hospitals were much slower to change than others (which may or may not have been driven by the women in each particular city wanting the changes, KWIM?). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebeccaS Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 My dad did not attend any of his kids' births. I have brothers born in '68, '71 myself in '78 and my little sister in '80. I don't know if was hospital policy or not, but the way my mom always told it, he never expected (or really wanted) to be there. I just assumed that it wasn't done "in those days" lol. Now I see that lots of other dads were there for delivery during the same time period. I learn something new all the time. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 My dad wasn't (1974) because he shipped out 4 days before I was born but he always said they wouldn't have let him anyway (hospital policy?). When my sister came along in '81 he was there though everyone (his mom, sibs) was very surprised. By the time the next sister came in "85 it seemed much more "normal" and even expected. We are in a very conservative area of the Midwest so we tend to take longer to adjust to new trends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I was born in '72 and mine wasn't in the room. When my brothers were born in '83 and '84, my stepdad was in the room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 My dad was in the room in 1980. And he took pictures! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 FIL was not allowed in the delivery room when DBIL was born in 1975. He was there for DH's birth in 1979. My dad was there for all three of us -- 1978, 1984, 1988 -- although he barely made it for me because they'd waited too long to go to the hospital and he was parking the car. :D I also remember that he had to wear scrubs when my sisters were born in the 80's. The hospital didn't have any regulations about DH's clothes (at least during non-Caesarian deliveries) when our kids were born. My mother says my aunt was unconscious for the births of all three of her children (late 60's/early 70's). THAT I find really strange. But I understand it was a common procedure for awhile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 My brother and I were Bradley births at a hospital in 1972 and 1973. Our father was in the room. My mother's OB (who used to do deliveries at home before the schedule got too hectic) recommended all their patients take Bradley childbirth classes and attend La Leche League meetings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 My dad was not in the room for my siblings in 1970 and 1974. He was in the room for me (1978) and even got to cut the cord. He had to attend several childbirth prep classes to be "allowed" in there and it was *huge* deal. He was one of the first dads to be in the room for the birth of his child at that hospital. My husband was born in a different state in 1975 and his father was not allowed in the room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 My dad was not in the room for the births of us and that was in the 60's. He actually offered to wait with my dh whiLe I was in labor. So sweet. He was horrified that my dh was going to be in there with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I was born in 1975 and my father was NOT present for my birth. He was smoking a lot outside the hospital, per my mom. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 My dad was not allowed in the room when my sibling and I were born in the 70's. I don't think he would have wanted to be any way. My DH was born the same year as I was and his dad was in the delivery room. MIL gave birth in a progressive hospital and had natural (no anesthesia) childbirth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 We just missed the dad's in the delivery room by one month with our first. Well she ended up being a c section so it couldn't' happen. The,policy changed at our hospital January 1st 1977. Five years later our 2nd daughter was born via a planned c section, and DH again missed being in the delivery room. Policy changed one month later, January 1982, that dad's could be in the operating room. Good news is our sons were v back and DH was there for both of their births. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 My father was in the delivery room for 3 of 5 births from 1958 to 1967. He was not present for two births due to logistics, not because he wasn't allowed. I am not sure if it was expected, but it was accepted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I don't know if he was in the delivery room or not, but I know he went to see Star Wars afterward!! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 My grandfather was not allowed in the delivery room in the 50's and 60's. He wanted to be there and hated being kept out. My dad was there for every birth, 70's-90's, in several different countries (US and Western Europe). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 DH was born in 1975, and that was right before they started allowing fathers in the delivery room, so his dad wasn't present for his birth. Six years later, his dad was in the room for his sister's birth. I believe my father was in the room for my birth in 1977. I haven't heard otherwise, and I think someone would have mentioned it. I had such beautiful births. I couldn't have planned my first better. It was just DH and me together for most of the eleven hours of labor, the midwife showing DH how to massage my back and such and then she stayed in the other room for most of it, and then during the pushing and birth, she still did her thing without interfering. Those moments when the midwife asked us which kind we had gotten, because we had been so busy looking at our new baby on my chest that we hadn't even thought to roll her over, and we did, and we both said, "it's a girl!" together, or when DH leaned down to whisper in my ear that our second was a boy, or when I announced that number three was a boy, and DH chuckled because I had been sure it was a girl and we didn't have any boy names in mind, or when it was just him and me and number four because everyone else stepped out of the room for a second and missed the birth, or when we both collapsed in relief when number five came out 100% healthy and safe. . . I can't imagine him missing those. I can't imagine us not having those defining moments together. It'd be like getting married without the groom present, so much our births have been Him-and-Me. I'm sorry for dads who didn't get to see those moments. I think my MIL about cried when she heard about the birth center we used for our first and how integral the fathers were to the whole experience. I am sorry she and FIL didn't get to have that together. Fwiw, DH doesn't change many diapers. I think he's only changed a couple of DS4's diapers. He handles birth just fine and isn't at all squicked out by that, even after getting the full view, but he really doesn't handle dirty diapers well. However, I am totally and completely squicked out big time by kids throwing up (not by infants spitting up, though), and DH handles that okay, so I change the vast majority of the diapers, and he handles the (blessedly) few times the kids have thrown up, and it is a completely equitable trade as far as I'm concerned. I think both if us think we got the better end of the deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 My husband was there with all my kids, but looking back at history and seeing what he was like in the delivery room, I can completely understand not having some dads there. I wish there was less cultural expectation around it and that it was just something that could happen or not happen based on each couples choices. I always had my mom go in with me. She was a better delivery coach and didn't get all green looking over things. Midwifery in the US was pushed out pretty hard around 1910 until the 60's. When women stopped having babies in the home, fathers stopped being involved. Partly because in hospitals, for hygienic reasons, they didn't like extra people in the delivery room. I did like that dh could follow the baby and make sure it came back to me. I had a midwife with my second birth but not my first. My husband said "This is great! I don't have to pretend I'm a woman." Empathy is not his most shining quality :-/ During my first birth I politely dismissed my mother from the room because she looked so pained to see me in pain. She has too much empathy. She's very sweet, but it was stressful for me and her so she had to step out. She was as relieved as I was when she left the room. We're still laughing about it and dd is 18 in a few weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Dunno, but DH was in the delivery room for birth of both DSs in the early '90s -- and actually got to deliver DS#2 (DH was a paramedic on the fire dept. at that point). :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 My grandma had her first child in 1960, and she says her then-husband was in there, but he passed out lol. :D :D I don't think he came in for my mom in 1963. :lol: No one went in with my mom for my birth in 1982, but there wasn't anyone to go in. She didn't want my grandma to come in - there was no dad. DH actually couldn't come in when Link was born because I was under general anesthesia. They got Link out and everything, then took him to DH. He was in there for Astro and Pink, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakelly Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I was born in 1975, and my birth father was there when I was born. My mom said the drs were so uncompassionate back then, one actually slapped her because she was crying. :sad: Can you imagine? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elfknitter.# Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Mid-70s birth, too. I was a Twilight birth. I believe my father was in the waiting room. My mom says she doesn't recall seeing me until 12 hours later. My birth was a big impetus in her natural birth of my brother almost 13 years later. At that time, it was a big deal to allow siblings in l&d. I had to take a special class offered by the hospital so I could be in the room when my Mom delivered. (Which, funny story, I became mom's labor coach and was the first family member to hold my brother. My Dad, who was there, was a bit shell shocked by the whole thing.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 My twin and I were born in 1965, my father was not allowed in. My girls were born in 1996 and 2000 and my dh was right by my side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I was born in the late 70s, and my parents did Lamaze and my dad was at the birth, cut the cord, etc. I get the impression this was not typical at the time in our area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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