Cz mama Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 My DD is 7 months old. She has a massive port wine stain birthmark on the whole left side of her face and scalp. There are multiple medical side-conditions that go along with it (laser surgeries, oral, eye health, brain health, etc.), but from a social standpoint I am struggling with it. Many people (young-old) stare and keep looking back at her. I try to give a nice friendly smile, ignore it and keep going along with my business-- although I am keenly aware the whole time that they keep looking back. Some people are very gracious and totally understand what it is. But other times I have had such callous remarks and looks. I've heard things like "disgusting..." as I walked past, or "did your baby get smacked?" I have my little set recording of what I say to children which is "Oh, this is Claire, she has a birthmark. It's just extra pink color on her face. Almost like our lips are pink, she just has extra. It actually doesn't hurt her either. She's a very happy baby! :)" But, deep down, I'm drowning. Some days I have my big-girl boots on and it's all good. Other days, its just so hard to go to the grocery store... I am fully aware of this being a 'beauty out of ashes' situation, and my little darling is sooo sweet and precious and beautiful and I accept that I can educate others, it just gets so hard some days. Any thoughts or words of wisdom from the trenches? Thanks... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 My daughter had one on her ear. One day someone asked me if i closed the car door on her head. :confused1: (No lady. It was the bedroom door!) Seriously, what kind of question is that to ask??????? I'm so sorry you have to deal with thoughtless comments. They are so hurtful when all you want people to see is your sweet little baby. My older daughter's marks faded quite a bit as she aged but my youngest daughter, as she aged, grew into a very severe jaw overgrowth which will require her to undergo surgery in a few years. Objectively, I see the problem, but subjectively, I just see the kid who has no complaint with the world and is just happy to be on board. Again, it's hard. We want people to look and see 'them' not see the 'problem.' I don't have any words of wisdom but just wanted to give you a cycber-hug and encourage you to hang in there. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 :grouphug:I'm sure someone else will offer more trench talk than I can, but I have a very good friend who has a birthmark like what you say your little one has and he is now 60. I don't know what he went through as a child but I think that people can just tend to be thoughtless and rude like you said and others understand. He did have laser surgeries on it but it does take time and since it was there for so long before laser surgery was available, it hasn't taken it away completely. Must be hard to hear that kind of stuff. So sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I am almost sorry I opened the thread because I seriously want to beat up people who would call any baby "disgusting." People like that are disgusting. That aside, I went to school with a young man who had a HUGE port wine stain and it never seemed to slow him down any. He was quite a go-getter. I am sorry that people hurt your feelings. It says a lot more about them than your sweet baby though. My little girl had "angel kisses" on her eyelids and I do remember feeling extra protective of her but as she got bigger and her force of personality took over they really ceased to matter. I do think that mostly your sweet one will someday see the day when people see her first and the mark second. Just an aside, I have a friend who has lost more than 200lb in the last year an a half. She shows before and after pics on facebook all the time to encourage other people who are losing weight. I am always shocked at how heavy she was because I never saw her that way. I just saw her as loving and generous with her time, and artistic and fun. I never saw her the way she "really" looked, lol. Someday that will be the case with your dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmama Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I'm with Anne, who the heck calls a baby disgusting? I'm so sorry you have to deal with these idiots.((hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captivated Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. It is hard and I wish I had the perfect words of encouragement. You are not alone. My precious daughter (10 years old now) was born with a hemangioma (blood vessel-non cancerous tumor, basically blood vessels growing out of control) on the columella of her nose (the skin that divides your nostrils). It was just a flat bright red spot to start. But it grew and grew. We started seeing a dermatologist at age 2 months. It was heartbreaking. Most hemangiomas grow for 18 months and then remain steady for a few years and then gradually disappear by age 9ish. At the rate my daughters was growing they estimated it would grow to the size of a plum. :-( Our amazing dermatologist contacted every expert in pediatric dermatologist and pediatric plastic surgeon he could to explore our options. My baby girl was put on steroids for 2 solid months to stop the growth. It worked but she still had a growth the size of a bright pink pencil eraser hanging off her nose. I got a lot of, "oh your baby is so... (Loooong pause) cute." Followed by a shocked expression. I had people who would tell me I should use gentler kleenexes, I shouldn't let her nose get so red, and the always helpful, "what's wrong with her nose?" So rude!! Sometimes I said things I probably shouldn't have in return. Sometimes I just rambled on and on and on hoping to bore them to tears so they'd think twice before being so dang nosy. Sometimes I'd go home and cry. It was hard and it hurt. People can be so petty and focus so externally. Most of my encounters seemed to happen at Target. Go figure. What helped was having a pre-prepared response. Something gentle BUT corrective. I usually said, "actually, it is an hemangioma. A non-cancerous blood vessel tumor." They then might ask questions and be really kind and apologetic, but if they weren't I usually ended with, "the hardest part is when people make comment like the one you just did." And then I'd walk away. You are not alone. Enjoy your baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cz mama Posted March 20, 2014 Author Share Posted March 20, 2014 Thank you all for the responses... I felt the hugs... :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 One of my brothers had a very large hemangioma right over his temple and back from it when he was a baby. it grew easily the size of a desert spoon spoon part, (maybe slightly larger) . for us siblings we found it a useful way to tell him apart from his twin brother. For mum it involved countless explaining to everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Eledest has a port wine stain all over one leg. (which i know isvery different then the face) When he was a baby lots of older people tired to be careful and help me cover up my poor cold baby. I did some informing that he was born this way, and no he is not cold in the middle of a heat wave. Until he was born I knew next to nothing about port wine stains. When he was old enough to have a opinion on it he said he liked it cause it was special. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom@shiloh Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I wish I could hug you in person. I have ten children, six of them born with birth defects. (No, we don't need genetic testing as one surgeon suggested -- duh-- five of them are adopted and we choose them that way) Four of them have visible "differences". I'm sorry. It can be hard. As someone else suggested, having a response ready is a great idea. I try to be gracious if possible because I want my children to learn to be gracious and I hope people will be gracious with me. My children have all learned to deal with it in their own way. One diffuses the situation with humor, another with practicality , "That's the way God made me." another pretends not to hear and another uses an icy stare -- ok, so maybe not always very gracious. :> Admittedly, there have been times when people have been so rude that I have said, in my very sweetest voice, "Oh honey, that boy was so rude. Just go ahead and smack him one, dear." Of course, they don't, but the point is that it's ok to let people know that they're being VERY rude!! And this usually makes us all giggle. My favorite comeback if I can get it to my lips in time is to respond with, "And you are very rude. How are you going to fix that?" Of course most of the time you don't get an opportunity to respond because the rudeness is usually a passing remark from a stranger or sometimes just the way they're looking at you. Your best defense is to work on your attitude and your daughters attitude. I learned long ago that my children's differences were the least important thing about them and we treat them as such. Then sometimes we are surprised when people comment about them because we've totally forgotten about it!! True beauty is within. It's such a hard lesson to teach our children, but we can help it along by always making our compliments be about our children's insides rather than their outsides. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Hugs mama -- some people are so rude, and I'm sure your precious baby is absolutely gorgeous and adorable! I love Captivated's response! Who calls a baby disgusting?!? I fail to understand what is wrong with some people! I took care of a little girl with a hemangioma over one eye. In her case, it faded as she got older, and it was generally covered by her bangs, but when people asked about it, I just said, "oh, it's a birthmark" and moved on. One of my little boys has a small birthmark on his forehead; it's noticeable but not terribly so, but people often ask him if he got bonked. In his case, he's a busy little guy, so he is often sporting bonks, so I usually ignore it, but if pressed, I will say that it's a birthmark and that it's useful for telling which little guy is which in pictures, since they're largely otherwise identical. I'm sorry people have not learned to keep their mouths shut if they can't say anything nice. If I met your baby in the store, I'd smile at her and see if I could get her to giggle, because I love baby smiles! (That is, if my own baby didn't try to grab her so he could kiss her!) And then I'd tell you how cute your baby is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 :grouphug: So sorry. I have one son with some missing digits (fingers and toes) and people can just be cruel. Others are just inquisitive. I don't mind answering questions and try to help my son understand that people are just curious and once they have the answer, they usually are satisfied with their curiosity and move on. If they go beyond that, it is rude and we walk away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 My DD is 7 months old. She has a massive port wine stain birthmark on the whole left side of her face and scalp. There are multiple medical side-conditions that go along with it (laser surgeries, oral, eye health, brain health, etc.), but from a social standpoint I am struggling with it. Many people (young-old) stare and keep looking back at her. I try to give a nice friendly smile, ignore it and keep going along with my business-- although I am keenly aware the whole time that they keep looking back. Some people are very gracious and totally understand what it is. But other times I have had such callous remarks and looks. I've heard things like "disgusting..." as I walked past, or "did your baby get smacked?" I have my little set recording of what I say to children which is "Oh, this is Claire, she has a birthmark. It's just extra pink color on her face. Almost like our lips are pink, she just has extra. It actually doesn't hurt her either. She's a very happy baby! :)" But, deep down, I'm drowning. Some days I have my big-girl boots on and it's all good. Other days, its just so hard to go to the grocery store... I am fully aware of this being a 'beauty out of ashes' situation, and my little darling is sooo sweet and precious and beautiful and I accept that I can educate others, it just gets so hard some days. Any thoughts or words of wisdom from the trenches? Thanks... I have no real advice, but there will be people that see past it, I promise. Just like you probably barely notice it at times, others will see past it as well. I hada friend as a young adult, he had a birth mark that was down one side of his face, shoulder, arm, and torso. Honestly, after a few days I didn't even notice. And beyond that, I'll admit that I actually had a huge crush on him for awhile. I thought he was SO handsome and smart and fun. And at that point the birthmark wasn't ugly, it was just part of him, and I liked him, so I liked it. That said, he did have some serious issues that later came out, mental health issues. I'm not sure, but I imagine some of the depression MAY have been linked to feeling rejected because of the birthmark. So do keep an eye out, and make sure that you address any of that early on, with counseling off and on through the years. I wish someone had done that with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I had many comments directed at me when my son was a toddler. I finally printed up some cards that I kept in every pocket. On the card, I wrote that I was aware they "noticed" my son. I told them that my son was actually 2.5-3 and not 6 years old. People always thought he was a lot older than he really was, so they thought he was just a brat. Since he was currently having a melt down, I couldn't explain why this was happening to him. I explained that we had an "invisible disability" I went on to explain his medical condition and how they could help, tell others about what they saw and share what I wrote on the card. I gave them practical advice on how they could help (donate time/blood/ or money to a children's foundation of their choice and finally I asked them to pray for all the Momma's of special needs kids. The first lady I gave the card too stood there like a gaping fish out of water. The second lady pushed her cart to the side and asked how she could help ( I could have kissed her!). She then stood blocking people's view from seeing us and told them my son would grow out of this, they obviously wouldn't grow out of being nosy and rude! :hurray: I think some people are curious and given just a bit of info helps them to understand. Would you be comfortable handing out a business card with just the name of a website where they can get more information? I think if we spend more time educating people about our children, our children have a better chance as they group up. Just my story and two cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 What is *wrong* with people?!? :mad: No advice, just huge :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: to you and your sweet baby girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Wtf is wrong with people?? Is it mental illness that makes people say such dumb things or were they raised by cavemen?!? If I saw your sweet baby, I'd tell you she is adorable because she is!! There is no such thing as an ugly baby!!! No advice just hugs to you and your cutie!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I like the idea of the card. It would be an easy way to educate people without really engaging or having to stand there and explain, and might keep some of them from being so stupidly insensitive in the future. Unfortunately, some of them are just jerks and won't change. I have no advance on dealing with them, just :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 :grouphug: I like the idea of the card too, but I wish people could be kinder without prompting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbara H Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 It is hard but sounds like you are doing all the right things. My thought is that random strangers are just random strangers. Most will mean well even if they are misguided but some will always be jerks. When you are addressing their comments or questions remember your most important audience is and will always be your daughter. The fact that she's hearing your pleasant tone and positive statement - "she's a very happy baby" - is what counts. Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueTaelon Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 *hugs* dd7 was born with facial difference and it was very very obvious when she was born, she looked like a stroke victim with half her face melted including her left eye. I really struggled with it and people did not help with the stares and everyone felt the need to ask if she was in a car accident for a year after her 1st surgery. Now at 7 it doesn't seem to bother her but I am always worried about her getting teased over it. Kids can be downright cruel, thankfully we've only had a problem with teasing once and it was by another older child who was being teased in school for looking different and she was taking it out on dd. I wish I had advice for you, I just acted like everything was normal and explained she had a stroke if they asked. It was the kids everywhere constant asking "whats wrong with her face" that got to me:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Speaking of cards, I've always wanted one that says "You're doing a great job!" to give to people when I see examples of good parenting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I'm really sorry you are running into rude, unkind people. The people who really matter and who you would WANT in your daughter's life will see right past it as she gets older, don't worry. People stare a lot at my husband now when he walks past them, because of his awkward limp and inability to use his arm. He is such a wonderful, kind man, and I just want to shout at them "Stop staring at my husband!" but I know they are mostly just curious and wondering what happened. If I ran into someone who said something downright rude, I'm sure I'd snap at them. Also, I did want to add that one of my daughter's had a large port wine stain covering her forehead at birth, but it really has faded a lot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I am sorry. I had a cast to straighten a crooked leg as a baby and my mom got nasty looks and comments, like she broke my leg. I really have no words of wisdom but wanted to send hugs and empathy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I have no advice, but I'd really like to follow you around and whack these morons. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I have no advice, but I'd really like to follow you around and whack these morons. :grouphug: We should set up a rotation of angry Hive "bees"! Don't mess with a fellow Hive member and her baby! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acadie Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Hugs, mama. I hear how you love your sweetie deep as the sea, how much you're holding together on the medical side, and how the pain and grief of other's people's cruelty is sometimes just overwhelming. Lately I'm really feeling how mothering is a spiritual path, and mothering children with medical issues or special needs especially so. I agree that your primary audience is your little one. Sooner than she can understand the words, she'll pick up the emotion and spirit of your responses. Based on your post, I think you rock, that you will find the words and place to speak from that feels right both for you and your daughter, and that this life is going to be an amazing journey for both of you. The people who make such cruel and insensitive comments? It's got to be hard to be that spiritually misguided. You bump into them for an ugly moment in the store, and move on with your little love. Maybe they're changed by that contact with you, maybe not. Either way they have to spend all day with themselves. You and your girl, you're going somewhere. Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I'm so sorry that people say things like that. How rude and cruel... I'm sure your baby is beautiful and sounds like she's very loved. Hugs, mama! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Wtf is wrong with people?? Is it mental illness that makes people say such dumb things or were they raised by cavemen?!? If I saw your sweet baby, I'd tell you she is adorable because she is!! There is no such thing as an ugly baby!!! No advice just hugs to you and your cutie!! Sadly, I think in many cases it is. And the loss of boundaries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 (((hugs))) My last baby was born with bilateral clubfoot and spent months in full leg casts and then years in a brace. Her feet and toes are still very different in appearance, and I have always felt very protective of her around strangers. I will say that at the beginning, having a child with a birth defect was a raw, gaping wound. Now, it is not that anymore. I'm sorry that people have been rude to you. :( A neighbor has a child with Down Syndrome. Another neighbor asked her what she did to cause this. Unbelievable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I have a good friend with a very large port wine stain on her face. She says that in a way it is a blessing because she has an easy way to screen assholes out of her life. I am quite impressed you don't carry of sock full of sand to smack the mean ones upside the head. What the hell kind of a person says these things?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cz mama Posted March 20, 2014 Author Share Posted March 20, 2014 What wonderful thoughts, I am overwhelmed with the support here...thanks a bunch mama-bees! I really like the thought of my DD being my primary audience. Thanks a bunch you all! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I went to school with a guy with the very same thing. He was the coolest guy, and very popular. I can't say what made him that way though. What his parents did. I did have a roommate in college with an undeveloped hand (so the hand was 2/3 the size of the other and the fingers tiny stubs). She had that from birth. While not as immediately noticeable as a facial mark, it is something you'd notice within 10 minutes or so and it does limit some dexterity. She told us her parents built her up. Her mother worked hard to develop places where she could shine with her gifts. Her parents developed a strong home community for her (church, family, friends) where she could be safe. They stayed in a small town where they had a lot of support. My friend has never been afraid to talk about it. She will often wait to see someone notice and then explain. She's really good explaining to kids, and she doesn't seem to hold it against people...child or otherwise...who feel uncomfortable. She has kind of a 'oh well, their loss' attitude which is very winning. She says she and her mom would practice what to say to people who didn't understand her appearance. I'm sure you will do a great job with your daughter! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
srs Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Hugs to you. My daughter was born with left eye ptosis (drooping eyelid), and I have heard it all: fall? Bee sting? Overtired? Etc... the good news is after about age three people stopped asking about it, other than sometimes other kids. I think adults realized it was rude. We work on giving her the language to explain it and the confidence not to worry about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I'm sorry people are rude to you and your sweet child. Floppy cotton beach hat that ties under the chin? Not that you should hide...only trying to think of ways to give you a respite from commentary. http://www.ebay.com/bhp/hanna-andersson-sun-hat If it's cold: https://www.google.com/search?q=Balaclava+hat+for+babies&client=firefox-a&hs=fB&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=bI8rU6OHDcbuoAS344L4BQ&ved=0CGYQsAQ&biw=1280&bih=852 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zimom Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 My daughter has a very visible physical disability, although she will argue with you any day that she is not disabled in the least. You name it, we have heard it, over and over and over again. The main advice I can give you is to remember that your daughter is listening to everything you say so try to remember that and no matter how frustrated you are, be a good role model for your daughter. My daughter handles the questions and stares much better then I do. Fortunately I keep my frustration to myself so she isn't aware when I've had my limit. Today we were leaving Target and I allowed her to take the buggy to the corral after emptying our shopping in the car. Of course I noticed the two ladies in the car across from us staring at her the whole way there and back. They finally pulled out of their space after she was back in our car. Five minutes later when we were walking out of Bed Bath and Beyond an older lady stopped us, '"I just wanted to let you know"..... I was already starting to get my hackles up even though it sounded like she was going to make a positive comment about my daughter's disability, we just wanted to shop!!! "Your daughter is one of the most polite children I have ever seen. I wish my grandsons were that well mannered." Just goes to show you sometimes you will be pleasantly surprised. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I have a dd who is missing most of her left hand - just a pinkie on that side and her arm is shorter. She also has a difference in her chest and won't grow a breast on that side. So how I respond to people now not only trains her for the difference people can see now, but trains her attitude in the future when she only has one breast. We talk a lot about being beautiful - we are a house of girls - and we focus on everyone's favorite thing. We talk way more about being beautiful on the inside - your heart, your compassion, your joy, your forgiveness. I think it's important to remember that we are all idiots. We have all said or done something stupid because we were faced with something unexpectedly. My dd has received many of these spur-of-the-moments idiot comments. I'm trying to teach her by example, and by giving her answers to give others when I'm not there, to respond with grace. Most people just lose their brains for a second when faced with her hand. She herself has asked questions loudly when faced with a man in a wheelchair, or a one armed lady. Part of being beautiful on the inside is being patient and forgiving in the face of others' thoughtlessness. BUT, there is another category of people out there. Mean people. Who say things to hurt and to judge. And it's my job to train her for that as well. To show her by example how to stand firm and show your backbone and not back down or let yourself be beat down. For those people I have a few hard comments I've practiced that not only shut them up, but lift her up. When it comes to dealing with comments from others, I tell all my kids to "consider the source." Crud comes from a cruddy heart. Good from a good heart. So don't take to heart that which is coming from a bad source. I think what is most important is just to love them for all that they are - and the confidence will come to stand up against the mean people of the world. They will be stronger for the love and the good example we set for them now. ETA: hugs to you mama I understand your frustration. I wish the world was a more beautiful place. At least you have a beautiful baby in your world! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zimom Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Well said Rondi! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I have a severely disabled son. I got a lot of "let me look at the cute baby" with an "ohhh" when they saw how sick he looked. When he was 24 months or so, I was in Target with his new baby brother who was the cute chubby Gerber baby type. People often ignored my oldest to focus on the "cute" baby. One woman came up to me and gushed about how precious and adorable my oldest was (who at that time was still completely bald with a misshapen head and just struggling to stay upright in the cart). 13 years later, I still remember it. To this day, I wonder if she was an angel. I had one woman single me out in a crowded mall just to tell me I was a good and strong mother. I was with my oldest in his wheelchair and it really made my month. May you find similar people to gush over your child in a positive way. Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I've got a friend with a son with something similar -- on his face (He's 2.5, just like my daughter). The first time I saw it, I thought he'd gotten a sunburn (A really bad one) and my heart went out to the poor tyke. The mother kindly explained that no, it was just a birthmark and now its just part of him. I had never heard of such things until I met this family. I hope he is never called disgusting though! How horrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I am going to use up all of my likes for the day on this thread. You mamas rock! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 My son had a large hemangioma on his forehead as a baby and toddler — it was quite prominent and bright purple, and I got sooo tired of the rude comments. I tried to keep hats on him when he was a baby, but sometimes he would pull them off — and then I would hear people gasp and say things like "OMG what's that THING on his face???" It was so demoralizing. Then add in the stress of not knowing whether it would continue to grow, would it affect his eyesight or breathing, would he need surgery, etc. It did eventually fade and go away on it's own, but as a new mom it was so hard to deal with the fact that where I saw a beautiful baby boy, everyone else just saw this horrible purple thing. :crying: One day, when DS was maybe 9 months old, I was pushing him down the street and an older woman stopped to peer into the baby carriage. I braced myself for the questions, but instead she just said "What a beautiful smile he has!" I looked into the carriage thinking maybe his face was covered, but no, the hemangioma was fully visible — but she was smiling at him and he was smiling back at her. I thanked her for saying that and then burst into tears. I doubt she has any idea how much that meant to me, but that was 15 years ago and I still get choked up every time I think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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