When you travel to stay with relatives...

[Farrar]

In laws are here.  They brought peanut butter, among other common pantry items.  All of them do this.  It's irrational, but it kind of bugs me.  You're here, I'll feed you.  We have flour.  And children who also eat children food like your kids.  But I know it's just their way.  But is it a common way?  We never bring food staples to anyone else's house.

[Wilma]

Me, no. But my MIL does it, and it bugs me.

[Chocolate Rose]

Because my diet is so different from everyone else, I do bring some food that I know I can eat in case there isn't anything else I can eat. I also let them know that I'll take care of a meal or two or three while we're there and bring everything to cook. I also bring a couple bottles of wine and whatever beverages we prefer. I guess I do bring food, but I don't clean out my cupboards to do it. I bring food directly from the store.

[SKL]

It depends.  If I'm going to stay at my parents' home, for example, I try to remember to bring stuff they don't always have on hand, like organic fat free milk and a few other things.  The peanut butter, I could see perhaps because my mom would have been eating it in the car during a long car drive.  ;)  Flour, no, unless there is a history where you didn't have any flour or something like that.  Or if it was something I knew I wasn't going to use and you might use.

 

Funny thing, every time my dad comes over for a brief visit (not overnight), I ask him what he'd like and it always turns out that I don't have whatever it is he wants.  Every time.  :p  I wouldn't be surprised if he started bringing a sack of food one of these days.

[itsheresomewhere]

We do when visiting certain relatives who only eat processed crap from a box.  Otherwise, I just bring special treats for everyone.  For DS, he mainly eats raw veggies and I bring those no matter what as he eats so much of them.  He has some food issues so I might bring other things too depending on the week.  

[NicAnn]

I wouldn't bring ketchup or anything, but yeah, we bring a lot. I always bring pbj stuff, oatmeal, hummus, and snacky food.

Partially because we have dietary restrictions, but I would otherwise. Food is expensive. My family likes to eat. If I bring some of my own, I feel I can eat as much as I want or share it. I don't like to expect others to feed me.

[T'smom]

When we travel to stay with family, we are flying. So it's not exactly practical to bring food. Not that I would anyway. We are always staying with my parents. We usually stay for 2 weeks, it's not worth the trip otherwise, and I make grocery runs and do some of the cooking. (They want to be spending time with the kids.) I bet though, if we lived far from dh's family and close to mine, we would be expected to bring food to my il's. We lived 13 hours away before we had kids and we were assigned certain things to bring to holiday meals. I thought it was ridiculous.

[Amira]

If we've driven there, we'll have some food with us, but we'll usually save it for the drive home rather than eating it at the relatives' house.  Our relatives don't really bring anything for themselves, but they always get to bring a few things we can't easily get locally.  My sister brought cranberries for us last year, and my parents have brought us curry paste and fish sauce in the past, and they're supposed to bring tofu sticks, black rice vinegar, and rice noodles with them in a few weeks.  I'll feed them Mexican food in exchange.

 

 

[Julie Smith]

We do when visiting my FIL. He has never really had any foods on hand. We use to not bring food and then we would have to go grocery shopping the day after we arrived and it was always cheaper and easier to just bring a cooler of food. 

 

When we go to my Mom's we might bring something. But it's more like, "This loaf needs to be eaten so we brought it." 

[trulycrabby]

Personally, I never travel anywhere without a week's worth of milk, a side of beef, and a 25lb bag of rice. ;)

 

Okay, okay, maybe I pack some granola bars and a juice box or two...

 

Allergies and food sensitivity issues are a completely different story, traveling with food is a necessity.

 

Flour? Seriously? I believe you, but, really?

[Annie]

After one too many visits to a particular a particular relative where I was constantly hungry, I now bring food there. One time I was there for a week with a breast feeding seven month old, and I thought about gnawing my own arm off more than once. By the time they started thinking about breakfast, I had been up with the baby for 4-5 hours, and then the breakfast provided was maybe 200-300 calories. Everything there is light, low fat, and sugar free (with artificial sweeteners). I just can't feed another human on half a can of light soup. The family is very comfortable financially, but I guess they just don't eat or something...

 

Now that my oldest has food allergies, we're pickier about who we stay with. Cross contamination is an issue that is too difficult to control in someone else's kitchen.

[catz]

Well, honestly, no it isn't unusual for me to grocery shop or bring some staples when we go to a relatives house. Sometimes we're on a long road trip and we've eaten on the road several days. Sometimes I'm just packing some basics for breakfast and kid friendly snacks that aren't garbage.

 

My relatives tends to eat a lot junkier than I do. I cannot eat much in the way of highly processed food without some sort of kick back. If someone cooks me a home cooked meal, I eat it happily. My kids are active, growing kids and snack a couple times a day. I'm not comfortable digging through someone else's kitchen a couple times a day to see what is going to work as a decent snack.

 

I don't see why it should be annoying. As a house guest, I don't assume a hostess is going to be joyful about feeding me 3 meals a day. If we have food, it tends to be simple breakfast foods, snacks, fruit, maybe sandwich stuff. If hostess is cooking, we're happy to ignore our food. I'd also say, many times when we're staying with a relative we're also sightseeing and have a need to be on our own schedule some days. So we may get up early, grab our fruit and cereal and head out the door.

 

I would find it annoying if I spent a couple hours making a home cooked meal and then a guest got their own food out without a food allergy involved. When we visit my parents we'll plan it out when we get there which days we'll be eating in, etc. But just having a plan B for picky kids, busy days, days on the road, snacking? Not a big deal IMO.

[zoobie]

I bring some items to my grandparents' house (though we stay in a nearby condo) because they don't stock what we usually eat. I usually prepare a meal to cook for them, and we get takeout for others. Also, until recently, there was only a Wal-Mart the next town over or a worn-out Winn-Dixie.

 

Peanut butter--some people are very brand-particular. A friend's DD only eats one kind, and she always brings a jar. I could see bringing favorite snacks or treats to share. Flour is just plain weird.

[zoobie]

If we've driven there, we'll have some food with us, but we'll usually save it for the drive home rather than eating it at the relatives' house. Our relatives don't really bring anything for themselves, but they always get to bring a few things we can't easily get locally. My sister brought cranberries for us last year, and my parents have brought us curry paste and fish sauce in the past, and they're supposed to bring tofu sticks, black rice vinegar, and rice noodles with them in a few weeks. I'll feed them Mexican food in exchange.

I will bring you tofu and cranberries for authentic Mexican food.

[IsabelC]

We will either shop for and prepare a meal while we're there (or we'd do one or two per week if we were staying for a longer time), or we'll shout them a restaurant meal while we're there. We might also take "extras" like chocolates or luxury fruit. We would not take basic pantry items.

[catz]

Ok - I'm totally on board with bringing peanut butter. We buy a whole foods brand natural peanut butter. I will happily eat any natural brand peanut butter. But I can no longer eat skippy or jif or any brands with added corn syrup, hydrogenated oils, etc. I do eventually get hives if I consume too much corn syrup and it just tastes chemical laden to me now.

 

Packing flour is weird. Is there something special about the flour or is just plain white flour?

[shukriyya]

I travel with my own chocolate and my own tea because I'm extremely selective about both those items and I certainly wouldn't expect my host to know what I like. I have fairly finicky digestion so I might bring nuts and dried fruit to have on hand if I get peckish at odd times of the day.

[bolt.]

I tend to over prepare for road trips, which means I often do arrive places with food. It's easier to bring a whole jar if box of-whatever than to actually quantify.

 

It could be that they like to feel like they are pulling their weight or 'coming to be helpful' rather than coming as guests.

[Amira]

I will bring you tofu and cranberries for authentic Mexican food.

Deal.

[umsami]

When we visit my parents, I'll always do grocery shopping for them (and us) while I"m there…so to cover some of the costs. (We're a big family…six)  We'll also try and take them out to dinner or something like that.

 

Now that we have GF issues, though, we do bring rice cakes in the car or some GF bars or what not.  My Mom is really good, though, about asking for a list of what she should buy before we arrive.

[Annie]

The place where I bring food has virtually no pantry staples. I've never seen them have things like flour, butter, basic spices, olive oil, etc. If you're lucky, they might have some of an old half gallon of skim milk. They usually have eggs. Eggs are actually the only thing I've seen them cook on their stove top. It's impossible to cook there because they don't stock anything.

[Dory]

Well, we tend to travel for a few days to get to relatives when we travel. All the other relatives live within 30min of us. Nothing in between. Since 3-4 days is a long time, I tend to pack a lot of snacks and favorite foods in pockets and a cooler when we just take the car. If we take the camper, I fully pack it with meal choices and munchies. So yes, we do take some food with us to relatives, but not because we think they won't feed us, but just because it's easier. If it was just a one or two day drive, I'd consider just one or two snacks which would probably be gone before we got there.

[Farrar]

It turned out it was pancake mix, but still.  It was two jars of regular old peanut butter.  Half eaten, so not bought specially.  And it looks like rice too.  Regular rice from their pantry shelves in a little pantry plastic box.  And a whole cooler full of gosh knows what.

 

This is sil.  Some of it is bil, who has never visited us.  He's dh number 2 and he works a weird schedule so they've never made it down together.  She's always come with mil and fil and her kids, but even they haven't been in a couple of years - we've seen them at their home (they live down the road from mil and fil).  bil is a total health nut.  But we eat pretty healthy.  Before he came, he asked did we have olive oil.  I was like, um, yes, who doesn't have olive oil, and he was like, oh, good, one less thing to pack, which was how I knew to clean off a shelf in the cupboards and expect an influx of random stuff.  Mil brings regular old Cheerios every single time she comes.  And every single time, we also have a box already.

[Rosie_0801]

I do, when I go to my mum's. Firstly, she's not made of money. Secondly, we're usually showing up uninvited. :p She's happy to feed us if she has food, but she may not have got around to shopping.

[foxbridgeacademy]

We do when visiting my mom.  She never has anything worth eating.  She has a 1960's mentality that "refrigerate after opening" means within 24 hours.  I love her but I do wonder how I made it through childhood without MORE cases of food poisoning.  Also during winter she uses a lot of home canned foods.... I don't eat canned food (except tomatoes and beans) the texture is ALL wrong.  We are very picky eaters so either I cook while we're there or we don't eat.  Summers's not so bad, lots of veggies just don't eat the eggs..... who knows when the chickens laid them.  Fun fact: if the egg stands on its end carefully throw it away.

 

In all seriousness, if we go someplace for more then a day I expect to feed my children.  I have spoiled them when it comes to food, we rarely are able to eat at other peoples houses. I would't bring flour, but DD's PB? Yes.  Fresh veggies, real butter, lean meats, 12 grain bread, Mayo (cause miracle whip is just plain gross). I would probably show up, assess the fridge/pantry then run to the store.  I know it's rude but I'd rather not listen to my children whine that "all they have is junk food" (more DS then DD).

[nd293]

I think it would be very presumptive to bring food into someone else's home unless asked to. I'd offer to cook some meals, and buy all ingredients for those meals. I might ask if I can provide a desert or treat, but if I was at their home I'd expect their preferences for how to deal with mealtimes to prevail.

 

ETA: Bringing home baked treats or a box of biscuits or deli type thing as a gifts for the host would be different: there's no implication that gifts should then be included in meals served to the guests.

[QueenCat]

Only when ds was having some specific food issues did I do that........... When we go visit friends in Georgia, I do bring a banana bread because they really like mine, but other than that, I do not bring food. The same friends bring me baked potato pizza (from my favorite pizza place) when they come visit me, but no other food.

[Farrar]

Everyone who is describing bringing food is describing it in contexts where it totally makes sense - relatives with bare pantries, food intolerances, a few things you really like, food for a road trip, food leftover that needs to be used up...  I guess this just seems odd to me.  And yeah, rubs me the wrong way.  I think it's meant to be nice maybe.  To be less obtrusive.  Though when mil comes with all her food I find it extremely intrusive to have stuff on the counters everywhere that has no home and bags all over my kitchen floor.  She just lives that way in her kitchen (all the counters are covered all the time with stuff) so it probably seems normal to her though.  But they really don't need to bring food to offset the cost of anything - she's out of work and we're doing fine.

[Janie Grace]

When we visit my SIL, we discuss meals ahead of time and she asks me to bring certain things -- maybe fruit, lunchmeat, a salad. Sometimes I'll bring chili or soup to cover one lunch or dinner. We have a lot of kids and so do they. We're happy to pitch in.

 

I sometimes bring something when I go to my mom's because cooking stresses her out and I like to alleviate that if I can (maybe I'll make and freeze a casserole or two). 

 

I would never bring pantry items (like flour) that weren't part of the meal plan for the visit. 

 

If someone did it at my house, I'd think they were being considerate of the financial ramifications of overnight guests. I think it's thoughtful. 

[Sasharowan]

2 day drive to inlaws, but usually grocery shop once we get there. They can't afford to feed us.

[Isabella]

Well, I hate showing up empty handed if we stay overnight or longer, so we buy things to bring that the host/ess may use (if not then, can put in pantry/freezer for later.  Usually it involves chocolates, juice, a nice type of bread, some nice fruit, and some snacky things when the kids were little.  If we were staying longer than overnight, we would also buy a take-out meal for everyone, or pay something towards their groceries when they shopped.

 

[Truscifi]

We bring snacky stuff because we have it for the drive there, and usually some toddler friendly food. Definitely not pantry staples. That seems a little odd to me.

[mathnerd]

I never take food. I have juice boxes, granola bars, nuts, fruit in the car. I never bring them into our relatives' houses. We order the main meal of the day and pay for it too because we are inconveniencing them and don't expect them to cook for us. But, when my MIL visits, she brings everything with her - rice, flour, spices, condiments etc - she is a picky cook, likes to cook for her son and claims that all the "fancy" stuff in my pantry ruins her famous recipes.

[Camelfeet]

My MIL used to bring food.  I think she still thought of DH as her little boy that needed caring for.  She'd bring 3 blocks of cheese and a dozen frozen pizzas that were on sale and anything else that was a good deal with a far away expiry date. FIL worked for a food distributing company so always got amazing discounts on frozen foods.... So she'd buy us 23 lbs of bacon or 10 lbs of ground beef through his company discount without having asked us if we even wanted any.

 

I'd say they needed the money more than we did at the time, but they also really really loved giving us things and feeling like they were making life easy for us so I didn't mind.

 

 

[Ivey]

We visit relatives at least twice a year, and we've never brought food with us. Dh's siblings, nieces and nephews eat the most junk food I've ever seen any humans consume (and they're all skinny athletes), but my kids have never complained about living on Lucky Charms and fast food for a few days. 

[fdrinca]

We have six people in our family. Even when we're visiting parents, we will bring food or stop at the supermarket. It's part of being good guests when we're visiting. (Plus, we do have food allergy issues and tend to eat much more cleanly than our parents do. And my father is a widower and very nearly literally has NO FOOD in his house, and while he's happy to do a shopping trip for us before we arrive, it's much easier for everyone if we do it ourselves.)

 

I'd not be upset if someone brought their own food to my house. We sometimes don't have food to feed our guests because of our weird diet. 

I would feel a little awkward cooking with the imported flour, though.

[Shamzanne]

I always take food when I take my daughter to visit my ex-inlaws. We fly across the country to do so and usually stay for 4-6 days. What I can't take on the plane, I buy when I get there. I don't consider myself to be super picky, but the food they eat is total garbage and I am a bit of a foody. I can't eat microwaved Jimmy Dean sausage sandwiches for breakfast. Microwaved sausage is definitely on my list of foods I will not make myself eat.

 

They eat cold fat free bologna and hot dogs for snacks. They will buy a tub of some sort of barbecued pork and serve it on hamburger buns for every lunch. They put absolutely no effort into food in any way. They have zero spices on hand. The only produce they ever have is Red Delicious apples. One day they had someone bring several tubs of Kentucky Fried Chicken and that is what was served for four meals in a row. No sides, and unrefrigerated. Even if I was concerned about hurting their feelings, I couldn't eat like that.

 

ETA: I will say that I may be a bit of a hypocrite on this issue. I am a good cook and go out of my way to cook delicious and nutritious meals that will please my guests and fit their tastes, so if a guest were to bring their own foods without a good reason I would be a bit baffled and possibly offended.

[Ellie]

No, never.

[TravelingChris]

I didn't answer the poll since we don't go to visit family and stay there, but they come here.  Anyway, neither of them do this but if they did what you describe, I would find it odd and I wouldn't like it.    No one has done anything like what you describe.  I could see bringing food for my children if I was visiting them- but they are young and poor, not established family.  IN ten years, I would probably only bring something they would particularly like or can't find locally or something of that ilk. 

[Laura Corin]

I can see bringing a gift of food - a cake, or some special biscuits, or a bottle of wine - but not staples. We also sometimes pay for a meal out or a takeaway, to reduce the cook's work. 

 

I'm wondering if there is a history of poverty somewhere in your in-laws' family, and bringing staple food became a tradition in order not to be a burden on the hosting family.

 

L

[Ottakee]

We have never stayed with family.  If we did, I would likely just go grocery shopping with them once we got there and pay for a chunk./all of the groceries and/or we would treat them to a meal or more out.........depending on how long we were staying and how many meals we would be eating with them.  I wouldn't expect them to foot the bill for feeding us for several days.

[Donna]

I will take along any special items my kids want to eat along the way (healthy snacks) and something I baked for our hosts. We get groceries while there and one night cook for our hosts. There are 5 of us and I don't expect anyone putting us up to feed us every meal. Most of our family members do not have the extra money to afford to feed an extra 5 people unless it's just a night or two.

[Cindy in FL.]

We don't bring along food, but we help pay the grocery bill while we're there.

[Heather in Neverland]

No we do not bring food but we do give money for groceries.

[FriedClams]

We have to fly to visit family, so we don't bring anything. I do pay for pizza/eating out and grocery shop for all of us while we're there.

[Carrie12345]

I think I may change my vote to "other".  When we do travel to visit our only long-distance relatives, we typically rent a vacation home together, so there are large grocery store trips.  Even if we stayed in their home, there are 7 of us, so I can't imagine not going to the grocery store.  But I'm also comfortable enough in their house that I'll get up and make myself (or the kids, or whomever) something to eat if I'm hungry. 

 

When my family stays here, it's typically 1 or 2 people at a time for a night or two.  I ask them what they want from the grocery store before they get here, and then I get it.  I can't imagine them feeling like they couldn't use my kitchen.

[happypamama]

We tend to bring a few things, like raw milk because it's not available in my parents'/ILs' state, or anything that I think is going to go bad while we're gone, like produce. I also bring stevia if I want it for coffee, and coffee, and if we have any bread or crackers, I might bring them too just so that we don't need to think about getting them at the store later. I'll bring eggs and sausage too, because while my MIL stocks the fridge for us, we're expensive to feed, and breakfast is the one meal I know we'll eat there. We might eat lunch and dinner with my parents, or with my ILs (they live ten minutes apart), or we might eat lunch while out somewhere (we often travel there and use part of the time to go to the beach or other touristy stuff near them). It ends up being a mix of having family feed us, eating stuff we brought, and eating stuff we pick up while there. When my parents and ILs come to visit us, they often bring some of the dinners and often dessert/cookies, as well as drinks they prefer, and anything special they use that we don't (like their milk or margarine), or produce that needs to be used. At Christmas, when my ILs were here, they brought drinks, cookies, cranberry bread, chips, and some fruit, IIRC. Oh, and I think some sandwich stuff. I had dinner stuff and some snack/lunch stuff, and we had tons of food. (I should add that neither my parents or ILs actually stay with us -- they stay in a hotel nearby or my parents bring their camper to a nearby campground -- and when my sister stayed with us a few weeks ago, I didn't expect her to bring anything; I fed her and her DH. But that was when they came for my grandmother's funeral, so they stayed with us for two nights, so they only had the 1.5 hour drive that we had the day of the funeral, and I didn't want them to have to worry about anything except getting here. When they come to visit us for fun, they usually provide some of the meals for the whole crew, and we provide some.)

[alisoncooks]

We have to stay at a hotel when we visit in-laws, so we usually bring snacks and breakfast foods.

Other than that, MIL handles meals (which means we pick up pizza or subs for her and often she pays).  

[Khselee]

I bring things that people commonly contaminate with my allergen without thinking about it (It's easy to clean it up, but a lot of people don't realize what else they have contaminated with it, so we have to bring our own.), and I will offer to grocery shop to help offset the costs of our being there.

[AmandaVT]

When we stay with my Dad (and brother and SIL which is a whole other story) I bring food. Brother and SIL are child free still and since they don't pay rent they spend most of their money on food, but they never stock their kitchen with any basics. They'll go out shopping every afternoon for that night's dinner. Which is fine in theory, but it means there's never anything to eat in the house. One night when DS was smaller, I was trying to scrounge up something to feed him and couldn't find anything. I could have given him a bowl of capers and anchovies or something but that was about it. So we would bring down a few things. Now that DS is older, I mostly just bring snack type items and some favorite VT food to share with everyone. We have a really nice cheese section at our local grocery store with tons of local cheeses, so I usually bring a selection of those, a couple bottles of wine, some craft beer a baguette and anything else that looks tasty for a "thanks for having us" gift.