How much weight did your mother's opinion have when you chose a wedding gown?

[OnTheBrink]

I'm watching Say Yes to the Dress and it astonishes me how much family members' opinions sway the brides. I can't imagine being that way with my dd when she chooses a wedding gown. As long as she stays in budget, she can have whatever gown she wants. Is this behavior the norm, or is this all for TV?

[Melissa in Australia]

I don't know. 

 I didn't have a traditional wedding dress, rather a beautiful floral dress with puffy sleeves and a v line waist.

[Dahliarw]

I went shopping with my mom.  She actually convinced me to try on the dress that I chose.  I thought it would look awful.  She insisted it wouldn't so I tried it on to please her.  I LOVED it and bought it right away.  But, if I tried on a dress she liked and I didn't she wouldn't have pressured me.

[Parrothead]

I was married in my early 30s. My mother wasn't even in the same state. She had no input.

[Julie Smith]

I personally didn't care. We went to a gym? filled with wedding dresses for sale. I asked the sales clerk person for the cheapest one available in my size. That is the one I got. 

 

My Mom insisted I try on different ones. I obliged since it didn't cost me anything. We ended up getting the first one I tired on.

 

You did remind me I have to pick it up from my parents house since I want to wear it on halloween. 

[Tap]

zero.  Wasn't even there.

[Joker]

I went shopping with my mom. We picked out a handful of dresses and I picked the first one. I never even tried on the others and she was perfectly happy with that.

[redsquirrel]

There is a show about wedding dresses? Or dresses in general that people say yes to?

[LucyStoner]

Quite a bit and none at all.

 

Quite a bit in that she is the reason I bought a wedding dress at all.

 

None at all in that I went shopping for a dress alone and got a clearance dress off the rack at a department store wedding/evening gown section at which my husband had a huge employee discount. Simple dress. Full skirt, sweep train and a simple sleeveless bodice. Originally it was was an inexpensive option as far as wedding dresses go- about $500 but I paid around $45 when all was said and done. Paired it with a clearance cardigan and done. I am not joking.

 

She didn't care what the dress looked like. She just wanted the pictures with me in a froufrou white dress. I was happy to oblige/humor her- she was already very ill from cancer when we married.

[maize]

My mom was far away and really wasn't involved is n my wedding planning at all.

My family flew out a few days before the wedding, it was only the second time they met my dh.

[OnTheBrink]

There is a show about wedding dresses? Or dresses in general that people say yes to?

 

Yes, it's all about wedding gowns. And there's plenty of drama! There's a series set in NYC and a series set in Atlanta. 

[6packofun]

None.  She wasn't all that involved, but not because we don't have a good relationship or anything.  It was just my choice.  lol

[Annie G]

My mom wasn't even there. I just went out and found a dress and bought it.  It was a small wedding, maybe 40 people, so it wasn't a fancy affair. 

When dd was planning her wedding, she was living 850 miles away and she found a dress and then agonized that I had been 'left out' so she came here and tried the same dress on at David's Bridal.  Yes, dear, if you like it, I like it. Buy it. 

 

 

[Murphy101]

Absolutely zero. She wouldn't go with me. My dh went shopping with me and he liked it and I liked it and by golly that's the dress we bought.

 

Still love my wedding dress. It's in a pretty cake box heirloom thingy in the cedar closet upstairs.

 

:)

[BrookValley.]

None. My mom and I have vastly different tastes. Going shopping with her (for almost anything) inevitably results in Epic Mother-Daughter Kerfluffle^tm.  .

 

I was not very invested in my wedding dress, anyway. I still can't believe I actually bought one, and I can't remember the impulse that caused me to do so. It was very simple and inexpensive. My whole wedding was pretty relaxed and done on the cheap...it was a compromise with my husband, who wanted a "real" wedding, and me, who wanted to go to the courthouse.

[Dory]

I picked out a cheap dress that my mom liked. I didn't really care because the dress I loved was out of the price range so I didn't even bother mentioning it to her. I spent my wedding trying to make everyone in my family happy and even making up odd things to do so everyone felt involved. Were I to do it over, I'd get the dress I wanted and cut the guest list in half at least, or perhaps just have a tiny ceremony somewhere else.

[AMJ]

None.  Then again, I bought a dress, not a gown.  And Mom lived 1200 miles away.  And DH and I already owned a house together and had our household set up. 

 

We had decided that this is OUR day (not mine, ours) and we would decide together how we wanted it to be.  And we wanted low fuss, with plenty of family and friends around.  And we paid for it all.

 

So I bought a dress for $100, hired a friend at work to alter it for me ($40), flew in my sis and best friend for bridesmaids, gave them money and told them to pick autumn-colored dresses they liked and would wear again, and did similar with the two flower girls.  DH and his brothers wore the same suits they had worn for both brothers' weddings and their grandfather's funeral, and his best friend saw a photo and bought a nearly identical suit. 

 

Then we flew in more friends who could not have afforded to come.  We even flew in my Methodist minister Aunt to perform the ceremony.  We didn't register anywhere, and instead asked for family pictures and stories.  We got them (books of them!), and some precious hand-made quilts, afghans, and other treasures.

 

Our wedding was in the morning, in a park gazebo.  Our reception was lunchtime, which in addition to being less expensive also meant our guests were back at their hotel before dark, and weren't trying to figure out our confusing roads at night.  DH and I were also reasonably rested up for our red-eye flight in the morning.

 

For the honeymoon we splurged.  We went to Hawaii for a week, half on Oahu and half in Hilo.  We did NOT stay in Honolulu, but went east and stayed where the locals live, in a vacation rental room.  We ate where the locals hung out.  We splurged on Super Ambassador tickets for our day at the Polynesian Cultural Center (had our own personal tour guide and reserved front-and-center seats for EVERYTHING).  Positively amazing!  Then on to Hilo, where 30 inches of rain fell during our first night there.  Hilo flooded.  We chilled at our B&B on the hillside, bribed a pizza delivery guy outrageously to bring us supper the next night, and then the next day were able to reach some places that managed to stay open.

 

We had the time of our lives, though much didn't go as planned.  I wouldn't trade it for anything -- not the honeymoon, and certainly not the wedding.  They might not have been TV-worthy, but our wedding and honeymoon were so much better than any massively over-planned stress ball you will find on-air.

[ksr5377]

She was influential in that she was there and paying for the dress, but she would have never pulled the emotional blackmail the people on that show pull.  Also, I wouldn't have let her.  Interesting enough though, she picked out my dress.  I said I would try it on to make her happy.  I didn't want any lace, this dress was nothing but lace.  I fell madly in love with it - probably because it was so different from everything else that I had been trying on.  Maybe moms sometimes do know what's best?

[cjzimmer1]

None, I and my future spouse were both working.  I saw no need to burden my parents with the cost of a wedding when either my spouse or I made more than my parents did combined.  So since I was paying for everything, I planned everything.  She didn't go shopping with me, in fact I'm not sure she even saw my dress before the wedding day.  I hadn't taken her clothes shopping with me since I was probably 13, I can't imagine her input would have changed anything.

[Arcadia]

My parents are not into clothes shopping. They are happy with just paying. Both my daytime and evening wedding dresses were tailor made though as I am smaller than size zero so it was easier to custom made than alter.

[dirty ethel rackham]

It was my decision since I was paying for it. Mom went along because she loved the whole shopping thing and I am not much of a shopper.  But she encouraged me to get what I liked best.   I tried on several dresses that my mom wanted me to, but she agreed that most of those didn't suit me.  It came down to 2 dresses, one that she liked better and one that I liked better.  She left it up to me and I picked my fave (the 2nd dress I tried on.) 

[In the Rain]

None, but my mom isn't really one to share her opinion. 

[KrissiK]

I went with my mom. I knew the type of gown I didn't want (strapless, poofy princess gown). We were both looking through dresses and she found one and said, " here's one that meets your requirements, why don't you try it on?" I did and we both knew it was "me", so I got it.

[Sparkle]

Zero. Although I did not shop for a dress at all - I wore my best friend's dress. She got married a year before I did, so she loaned it to me. But even if I had shopped for a dress I doubt I would have asked her opinion. She was not involved much in planning the wedding. DH and I did it 99% ourselves.

[HS Mom in NC]

None at all.  I went by myself so no one would sway me. I was 20 (hubby was 26) and I was living at home.  I was a size 2 and didn't want a poofy dress or long veil.  Just something super simple and very fitted.  Most women just can't handle that and try to get brides to go all "snow monster" and traditional. My mother wanted to invite everyone she ever knew or anyone whose relative's bridal or baby shower she ever attended. Not. gonna. happen.  Best to keep her out of the loop as much as possible while she grieved over her guest list I threw away.

 

I didn't want a wedding but my husband did.  I wanted to do a simple courthouse thing and take a nice vacation.  We did a super small, quick, 40 guest wedding on the cheap because I despise froof and fluff and fuss. I also see no point in asking my parents to spend money for a party for one day. 

 

I told my maid of honor to pick out something with a short skirt that she would actually like to wear again in the future then call me and tell me what color it was so I could buy one for the other bride's maid and order flowers that didn't clash. My mother was a floral designer, so I let her do the flowers.

We got married in my in-law's large front room and had cake and punch.  It was a 20 minute ceremony, an hour and a half of guests having dessert, and we were out of there. I'm sure my in-laws were horrified that is was so cheap and simple, but they were were very nice and supportive-especially when they offered their house so it would force a smaller guest list.  Good for them.

 

Their daughter's (my maid of honor) wedding was very elaborate and traditional which was what the bride wanted. The in-laws got to pour all that energy where it was wanted.  Good for them again.

[ErinE]

She didn't have much say on style. I had a very good idea of what worked on my body type and didn't stray from the general cut. She did weigh in on fit; she checked the seams, diagnosed problems with hips, backs, bodice. I paid for almost all of my wedding, but she wanted to buy the dress so I felt it was important to have her join me as I trusted her fitting judgement.

[MomtoCandJ]

A little, she paid for half of it :) it was pretty much anything within this price range and don't have anything hanging out that shouldn't type thing. My mom doesn't wear dresses, my wedding was the first time she wore one in 25 years (her own wedding).

[OrganicAnn]

I was having trouble deciding, which was actually because I couldn't find what I wanted.   So I took mom with me to a different store and found the right dress.   I think it helps to have a sympathic person with you, but not someone that will overpower you.  

[VeganCupcake]

My mom wasn't present when I picked and bought a dress. I was 30 and living 1000 miles from my parents.

[HRAAB]

Geez.  I must be having a senile moment.  I can't remember if my mom was with me or not.  Hmmm... I don't think she was with me.  In any event, I picked out my own dress, it was on sale, and I paid for it.  My mom would have never interfered anyway.  I was with my dd when she picked out her wedding dress, but the choice was entirely hers.

 

Shows like Say Yes To the Dress seem like an alternate reality to me.

[MtnTeaching]

I lost my mother when I was 4 and father when I was 14. My dh-to-be lived in CA, 3000 miles away.  My grandmother lived 5 hours away from me and my job entailed traveling everyday (corporate flight attendant).  I barely had time to shop for a dress.  

 

Everyone told me that since I was having a garden wedding at an old antebellum plantation home, I could not have a formal wedding dress and certainly not a train.  I was marrying just a few months shy of my 30th birthday and I wanted a dress that looked like a dress Princess Grace might have worn.  In my mind, I saw simple, yet elegant with seed pearls and a train.  My grandmother said, " If that is what you want, then go and find it and I will pay for it."  

 

I found my dress and I felt like a princess.  I miss her every day.

[bluemongoose]

Surprisingly a lot! We actually have very different tastes, and I had no intention of letting her pick out anything for me. In fact she wanted me to wear her wedding dress, but I refused (she divorced my father, and it was ugly, and he is not a nice person...why would I want to wear this dress???) Anyway, we went shopping together and I tried on lots of dresses. I didnt like things on me that I liked on the rack, and I didnt like ANYTHING she brought me, but the last dress she brought I loved and it was THE dress. So she did end up having a say in the dress after all, but I never imagined that we would have liked the same one.

[momacacia]

My mom generally have very good taste and fashion sense, and tends to know what looks good on me. I value(d) her opinion on things like that a lot. But, we can also have very different tastes. So I think it was somewhere in the middle. I asked her advice, she came and gave it but would not have had a hissy-fit if I did something different.

 

In the end, I chose something I loved and knew I'd be comfortable wearing all day and that I considered very classically beautiful. My mom loved it too. Sigh, if I fit into it now is to put it on. It is so beautiful and simple. Loved it! Glad DH wanted us to have a 10am wedding so I got to wear it all.day.long. Wait--this was about my mother .... ;-)

[Paige]

My mom had a lot of input but not because she was pushy. I wanted a pretty dress that fit. I didn't care too much about the details and lots of dresses are pretty. My mom found me a seamstress who could make me a dress because buying one off the rack was not practical. I would have needed so many alterations to anything that it would have been very expensive and the dresses would have to be basically remade. The seamstress gave us some guidelines and my mom suggested some styles. We actually combined a bunch of things we liked about different dresses to make mine. It was a detail heavy project and I'm not big on details so I let my mom decide on most. She was happy to oblige. I did pick out the pattern on my lace myself and I designed my veil which had been my aunt's but had to be redone because of aging, but that's about it.

[Jenny in Florida]

Zero. We were already estranged by the time I got married.

 

I used to watch that show before we cut off the cable, though, and I, too, was always amazed at how controlling some of the parents were. I have assured my daughter that, if she would like my involvement and input when (if) she goes shopping for her wedding ensemble, I will be thrilled and happy to be there, but I have no intention of ever behaving like those parents. It's her body, her gown and her wedding. My priority is that she be happy and feel gorgeous in whatever she chooses.

[8circles]

Too much.

[eloquacious]

I went shopping with my mom. She actually convinced me to try on the dress that I chose. I thought it would look awful. She insisted it wouldn't so I tried it on to please her. I LOVED it and bought it right away. But, if I tried on a dress she liked and I didn't she wouldn't have pressured me.

Exactly this!! The dress was nothing like I'd imagined, and it was the first one I tried on, at my mom's urging. We both knew it was it right away, though I tried on a few more for due diligence, only to return to it. ;)

[mommaduck]

None. She wasn't with me and she didn't pay for it. FTR, my mother HATES dresses of any kind. It would have been traumatizing for her to have to stand in a small room filled with fluffiness, sequins, lace, and beadwork.

 

The rest of my wedding, I was bossed around by my in-laws.

[jelbe5]

None - I picked out a dress I liked.

[BakersDozen]

Unfortunately, my mom's input/opinion had a lot of weight for me.  I ended up in a mermaid-style gown (which I would never, ever wear usually) that was totally form fitting (I wear very loose clothing - nothing tight or even close to it) and in the style where the front was higher then tapered to the back (a style I never liked).

 

So why did I get that dress?  Because I was emotional and overwhelmed and couldn't make a decision to save my life.  I had found out I was almost 6 months pregnant (I carried very small) and only wanted to focus on the baby but no, I had to have a wedding and a dress and blah blah blah.  That dumb dress is still in my closet - I really should get rid of it.  

 

She also paid for it so I felt guilty...OK, she made me feel guilty.  It's a particular gift she has.  

[DianeW88]

None.  I lived 2,000 miles away from her at the time.

 

My dd just got married last month.  She wore my dress (her choice), so she had my complete approval. :D  Not that she needed it.  LOL

[Sara in AZ]

I think I had a friend or a sister with me when I picked it out. Later, though, my mother had some input about alterations that we did.

[I.Dup.]

A lot. If she had told me the dress wasn't flattering or if she didn't like it, I would not have chosen it. But she wasn't super controlling regarding clothes, I don't think.

 

[PeacefulChaos]

Well, about 4-5 years after I got married, I would look back at the pictures and think, 'I don't know if I would have picked that dress all on my own', kind of feeling like my grandma had a lot of say in it.

It was just a dress off the rack at David's bridal, which I find totally acceptable lol...

Then I went wedding dress shopping with my best friend/now SIL and saw this really beautiful dress hanging in the David's here.... And yeah, it was mine. :lol: then I realized yeah, I would have picked that anyway. :D

 

I don't watch that show (no cable/satellite), but Irl I have a friend getting married soon. She was mentioning certain flowers to her mom and her mom was looking at her like she was crazy, like 'not a chance'. I couldn't help but think, 'woman, this is not your wedding! Let the girl have what she wants!' Wouldn't ever say that, though... ;)

[Khselee]

Absolutely none, either time. The first time, I don't even think she knew I was wearing a dress of any kind until I was walking down the aisle. The second time, she knew I had a dress, but I don't know that she really actually saw it until the day of, either. I know she was surprised it wasn't some black, Elvira-esque thing both times, though. 

[Heather in Neverland]

My mom had a lot of input but we are very close and I value her opinion.

[Mrs Mungo]

My mom didn't even go with me or see it until I brought it home. I bought it at a wedding place that was going out of business. I was a size 2, and they had a lot of dresses in the tiny sizes.

[DawnM]

My mother lived in Africa when I bought my dress.  She had no say.  They arrived in the US literally days before the wedding.

[G5052]

Zero.  I was living many states away, and she was iffy about the whole thing as it was.

[Katy]

None, except that she sewed it for me, and made about 15 muslins first to refine the design and fit.