********* Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 He's so. I don't know. He's dying. But slowly, painfully, tragically. I spent the morning with him. He couldn't keep food down. He kept vomitting. He's home now, but he looks so.... What's the word? He looks like death. I don't know how else to put it. He's lost his spark. He told me today, during a quiet moment between us, that he's just tired of being sick. It's so crazy. I can't bear to be away from him, but when I'm with him, it tears me up so see him the way he is. I don't know why I'm posting, I just feel lost. I don't want to lose my dad by dragging it out all horrible like. But then, I don't want to lose him at *all*. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: It's a very hard spot to be in. I'm praying for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 (((hugs))) If it helps, that's normal for both of you. Slow good byes are hard, but at least you are getting to say them. (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I'm sorry, Bethany. Please post as much as you need to in order to process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I'm so sorry. I don't know what's worse, watching the first man you love degenerate and die or to say goodbye to him in the morning as he goes off to work and he never comes home (which is what happened to me). Either way, I know it's so hard and I will be praying for you! HUGS :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 He's so. I don't know. He's dying. But slowly, painfully, tragically. I spent the morning with him. He couldn't keep food down. He kept vomitting. He's home now, but he looks so.... What's the word? He looks like death. I don't know how else to put it. He's lost his spark. He told me today, during a quiet moment between us, that he's just tired of being sick. It's so crazy. I can't bear to be away from him, but when I'm with him, it tears me up so see him the way he is. I don't know why I'm posting, I just feel lost. I don't want to lose my dad by dragging it out all horrible like. But then, I don't want to lose him at *all*. So sorry dear girl. So sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissad2 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: I'm so sorry :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 My heart hurts for you, Bethany. I wish there was an easier way, but every moment you have is a blessing even if it is hard to be a part of at the time. Prayers are still being said. You are such an amazing daughter. Imagine dying & knowing you are so loved. I am sure it brings him much joy just having you there even if he is struggling. Many, many hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Would he sign up for hospice? Most hospice people are wonderful. Would he/could he come and stay with you? I encourage you to see him and do for him as much as you can. When he dies you will not regret not having done or been there or whatever, and this is HUGE in helping people get on with life after death. :grouphug: P.S. many people in dialysis just decide to refuse it: they have "an out". Follow his lead, no matter your wishes. Our body is the only thing that really belongs to us, and his is his, no matter how sad you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: I know that look. What Kalanamack said, 100%. Hospice, living with you? The hospice nurses would be a big help with your mom, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BridgeTea Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: I think of you often, Bethany. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I am so sorry. I know it is terribly hard. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Honey, I'm so sorry. :grouphug: I wish I could just come over and sit and hold your hand and let you cry. And make you chicken with noodles. And something chocolate. I'm so sorry. Praying for the wisdom you need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I know exactly how you feel. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I know just what you mean. I used to carry a lot of guilt with me. I used to feel very guilty that I wanted it to be 'over'. Over our Christmas break, I caught up on digital scrapbooking. I was a year behind. My dad wasn't in any of the pictures- birthdays, holidays, every days. It took looking at the big picture to see how withdrawn my dad had gotten. He told my mom a few days before he died that he was tired of fighting. We were tired of watching him fight. It's a strange, in-between place you're in right now, Bethany. I miss my dad and wish he were here every day. But, that limbo? That's by far the hardest. Big, giant hugs to you. I'm so sorry your dad is failing again. I still have hope for you. For a better outcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Do the best you can to get past the reality that it is happening, and be to him what you would want to be to the end. To be loved enough that someone doesn't want to let you go is a great gift. But it is hard on the giver. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKidAcademy Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I'm so sorry. When the time comes, you will feel immense relief - followed immediately by intense guilt. It is horrible and tragic and awful. The best advice I can give you is to say what you want to say now, while he can understand you, and hold his hand in silence, absorbing the time together. (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I understand. I went through this with my grandmother, and it was so hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Durriyyah Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: Other mamas have such wise words. I just have hugs. Hug him often, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Aw Bethany! We've been there a few times with my mom but so far each time she has pulled through and made it back to good health. If it isn't his time, then don't let him give up. It's hard for you I know because we have to be strong and try to be happy, be optimistic and be there for them. Then leave and fall to pieces, cry on someone's shoulder, then go back and do it all over again. The greatest gift you can give him is to be there for him. The greatest gift your family and kids can give you is to be there for you. Don't be afraid to lean on them as well. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I'm so sorry! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morningcoffee Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Thankyou Bethany for sharing this journey with us through your updates. You are often in my thoughts and prayers. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I'm so sorry. I have been on this journey and it is heartwrenchingly hard. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elinor Everywhere Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I'm sorry, Bethany. :grouphug: I went through this with my dad, who died 21 months ago. I know how difficult this is. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caraway Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I am so sorry. Much love to you and your dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I'm praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: Im so sorry :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Unfortunately, many of us have sat in your chair before you. Spend time with him, but also be kind to yourself. It is emotionally exhausting, and often physically exhausting as well, to go through this process with a much-loved parent. There will be peace for him. It is harder for the rest of us, so will keep you in my prayers. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I'm so sorry. It's a terrible time. It can take a long time. We watched dh's wonderful father die. We did all we could to support him and my dear MIL. It was heartbreaking, but we knew we provided the best we could. I am very sorry. I know how difficult this is. You can pm if you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so sorry. I watched my mother die in inches, and it was indescribably horrible. Love, hugs and prayers to you. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: to you and your dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I walked this road with someone dear to me. She was sick for seven hard years before she passed on (almost exactly two years ago). Visiting her as she lay suffering is one of the hardest paths I have ever walked. I know the look of which you speak. It took all my strength to go there to be with her. Once there, it took all my strength to leave her again. It would take days to recover, and then it was time to visit her again, and it was so hard. Yet, I treasure every moment we had together, and I treasure the closeness in our relationship in those years. I'm sorry it's so hard. May God give you strength to keep walking this path with him. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tearose Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I'm so sorry. It's hard to watch a loved one's health decline :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylou Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 So sorry for your grief, Bethany. Just lost my dMIL with whom we lived on 12/26~very slowly died of Alz. So painful to watch a loved one suffer. Hope you can get some hospice help soon. They are wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I'm so very sorry. Sending you strength. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Bethany. Hugs and prayers to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Oh Bethany.....my hearts just aches for you. I only wish I had the right words to day.....but there are none. I think of you daily......I wish there was something I could do for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Bethany, I am so sorry. Continuing to pray for you and your dad. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Bethany, I am so sorry. Continuing to pray for you and your dad. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I'm so sorry, my friend. I wish I could help. I'm praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I know, it is one of the most horrific things in life to deal with, I am so so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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