Question for Parents of Teenagers

[mommyto2]

Do you like your teenagers? I have a 1 1/2, 4, and 6 year old, and another baby due in September, and I am having a crisis of thought. I am afraid that when my kids are grown that I will not like them. So is there hope for me? Are there any teenagers out there that aren't disrespectul, self-centered, or obnoxious? (Curse these pregnancy hormones!)

[LidiyaDawn]

Do you like your teenagers? I have a 1 1/2, 4, and 6 year old, and another baby due in September, and I am having a crisis of thought. I am afraid that when my kids are grown that I will not like them. So is there hope for me? Are there any teenagers out there that aren't disrespectul, self-centered, or obnoxious? (Curse these pregnancy hormones!)

 

Yes, yes, and yes. ;)

 

Sure, my dd14 spins out the drama from time to time ~ but hey, I've got a flair of my own. We're a lot more alike than she'd care to admit right yet. :laugh:

 

There are LOTS of awesome teenagers out there…no reason to think yours won't be counted among them!

[Mommy22alyns]

:bigear: I have those worries too, especially with 2 girls!

[Danestress]

I love them to distraction, and I have to physically restrain myself to not sit and stare at them all day and tell them how awesome they are.

 

Seriously, we had a number of minor behavior issues with our oldest and so far very few with my 13 year old twin boys. They are grumpy sometimes, eat a lot, sleep a good bit, and are capable of doing rude things like rolling their eyes. But they are smart, funny, kind, generous and resourceful. They make me laugh outloud every single day.

[Farmgirl70]

I love my teens! They are wonderful and so are their friends! (FWIW, I wasn't really a "teen" kind of person before mine were teens). You grow with them and realize that it is another developmental stage--not so different than the other stages of parenting. Their needs and challenges change, but they don't essentially change just because a number of years changes. Like every stage, the teen years have their joys and challenges, but I've really enjoyed my teens. You'll still love them! My teens are 17, 16 and 14, just for reference.

[myfunnybunch]

When my children were young, I was worried about parenting teens. We've had our challenges, especially since my eldest is my stepdaughter and my next has high-functioning autism, but I have been pleasantly surprised at how much I *like* them, and their friends. They're just good people, and I now look forward to knowing my boys as teens and young adults.

 

:)

 

Cat

[Tenaj]

I love my teenagers! It's so fun to see them developing into adults. Sure there are things that drive me crazy, but over all I've been pleasantly surprised at how much fun we have together as a family now that we have three teens in the house. There's much laughter, joking, silliness and times of serious, mature conversation. We have much more in common now than we did when they were younger.

 

Yes, they are disrespectful at times (so am I), self-centered at times (so am I) and obnoxious (I'll raise my hand on this one, too). But overall, I'm enjoying this stage of life much more than when all the kids I had were preschoolers and I longed for conversations that didn't center around Barney. (Of course, you can see from my siggy line that I'm still in the "lots of youngers" stage too except that Barney has been replaced by Go Diego Go!)

 

Don't dread those teen years. Look forward to them as the time you can get to know your kids in a different way!

[Pamela H in Texas]

Seriously, the teen years are THE best years. Neither is perfect and we even had a period of time my one child acted up some due to anxiety, but....

 

BTW, I *still* hear "just wait..." from people.

Edited June 26, 2011 by 2J5M9K

[cindergretta]

I love my teens!!! It is awesome to laugh and joke with them. We are have real conversations that go in depth. They are kind and compassionate. They are simply amazing with the younger children.... Yes, we deal with drama and attitudes and general twerpiness, but they are genuinely neat people of whom I am very proud!

[lollie010]

I love them to distraction, and I have to physically restrain myself to not sit and stare at them all day and tell them how awesome they are.

 

 

I am all kind of emotional tonight and this just makes me weep.:crying: My oldest is seven and I still help him brush his teeth at night. Tonight I just stared straight into his seven year old ackwardness and wondered how many more nights will I get to help him brush his teeth. And I am not even pms'ing.:lol:

[Mandy in TN]

What are you talking about?!?!

 

I adore my cuddle bugs! Christian, my oldest, is my mirror (although he just ceased being a teenager- he is now 20yo) and Grayson, my 17yo, is my heart. Duncan, my youngest, is only 8yo, but he thinks he is 18, is my angel.

 

They are 3 kissy, huggy lovebugs.

HTH-

Mandy

[kimnc]

I love my teenagers! It's so fun to see them developing into adults. Sure there are things that drive me crazy, but over all I've been pleasantly surprised at how much fun we have together as a family now that we have three teens in the house. There's much laughter, joking, silliness and times of serious, mature conversation. We have much more in common now than we did when they were younger.

 

Yes, they are disrespectful at times (so am I), self-centered at times (so am I) and obnoxious (I'll raise my hand on this one, too). But overall, I'm enjoying this stage of life much more than when all the kids I had were preschoolers and I longed for conversations that didn't center around Barney. (Of course, you can see from my siggy line that I'm still in the "lots of youngers" stage too except that Barney has been replaced by Go Diego Go!)

 

Don't dread those teen years. Look forward to them as the time you can get to know your kids in a different way!

 

:iagree:

[elegantlion]

I love them to distraction, and I have to physically restrain myself to not sit and stare at them all day and tell them how awesome they are.

 

Seriously, we had a number of minor behavior issues with our oldest and so far very few with my 13 year old twin boys. They are grumpy sometimes, eat a lot, sleep a good bit, and are capable of doing rude things like rolling their eyes. But they are smart, funny, kind, generous and resourceful. They make me laugh outloud every single day.

 

:iagree: I have one 13 year old son, he is a joy. The other day we spent 90 minutes just discussing his future plans for his computer set-up. It's so wonderful to see those passions evolve.

[LauraGB]

I like them better now than before - and I loved them before :D. My kids are at that trying early teen stage, and I find them more interesting than I ever have. They think (well, most of the time, anyway), they argue (in an interesting way, not a fighting way...most of the time), they are certainly becoming intriguing people. They make me stop and think.

 

At this very moment I'm looking forward to dd getting her license so I don't have to tote her and her friend to the stupid stinking mall tomorrow and fork over a ton of cash. At least when she gets her license I can go and follow her around undercover - right now I have to do it right out in the open (and I hate the mall).

[DianeW88]

Teens are the MOST fun of all the ages. I much prefer them to toddlers and pre-schoolers. We have so much fun together and are genuine friends. It's so nice.

 

Hang in there....the best is yet to come. I promise.

[AK_Mom4]

I like my teens much better now than I did when they were little. I mean - they are your kids and you love them, but I actually LIKE them now.

 

They can feed and clean up after themselves. They have personalities with their own likes and dislikes. You can have a conversation with them that doesn't involve Pokemon or Harry Potter or bugs.

 

You would probably like my teens, too - all three are pretty polite and respectful and behave well in public.

[nd293]

I don't think I was any of those things when I was a teenager. Well, self-centred maybe, but I think that's entirely normal at that age. I don't have a teenager, but I certainly like dd10 more now than when she was 4 or 5 yrs old. I am very optimistic about the (later) teen years. I am not, though, looking forward to the early teen years of hormone surges!

[Caitilin]

I am just starting the teen walk with my own dc, but I have been teaching teens for several years, and I gotta say, I really, really love them. They are interesting, they can talk to you about real ideas, they are becoming themselves in a way that elementary and younger kids just aren't yet. They are funny--they make jokes and they get the (very bad) jokes I make. My own have moments of awfulness, but overall, beats the heck out of PK-4th grade. :tongue_smilie:

[Tap]

Ds16 is a phenomenal, loving, compassionate, intelligent, forgiving, level headed teen.

 

DD12 is amazing, artistic, determined, loving, exuberant, and full of live pre-teen.

 

They typically hang out with others that are similar. I have had many great teens pass through my doors in the past few years.

 

 

They have some friends that I look at like this :confused: but honestly our kids usually stop hanging out with other teens when they get to the teen-angst part of life.

[Crissy]

I *really* like my teen and pre-teen.

So do my friends and neighbors. I hear compliments about both of my boys (12 and 17) on a regular basis. Their kindness, work ethic, and their ability to have a coherent conversation with adults are all things about which people offer positive comments.

[momofkhm]

Do you like your teenagers? I have a 1 1/2, 4, and 6 year old, and another baby due in September, and I am having a crisis of thought. I am afraid that when my kids are grown that I will not like them. So is there hope for me? Are there any teenagers out there that aren't disrespectul, self-centered, or obnoxious? (Curse these pregnancy hormones!)

 

I love my teens! There are times I like them best. There are times they are annoying, times of disrespect, times of self-centeredness and times of being obnoxious. But overall I look at them and wonder why so many people have issues with their teens.

 

There is definitely drama. But the near adult conversations, wonderful! I can see the adults they are becoming and I like them.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

My 18 year old is truly an awesome young man. He's just about my best friend. He is articulate, respectful, hard-working, and driven . . . all positives in my book. I love the teen years.

 

It's so much easier to talk to and figure out what the needs are of someone who is capable of communicating their own needs. It's so great to have someone around who is self sufficient, but who actually spends time with me because he wants too. I actually wake up in cold sweats thinking about the day when he'll want to move out on his own - YIKES!

 

I loved the teen years so much more than the crying baby and toddler years.

[Rose in BC]

I like all three of my teens and I have one very challenging one. Not to say that there aren't some very difficult days or moments where I have some not so lovey thoughts but besides those events I like them all.

[ondreeuh]

My daughter is 15 and still adorable. It's not just me that thinks so, either. ;) She has the ability to learn from others' experience and doesn't have to make every mistake on her own. She is wise and thoughtful, cares about peoples' feelings, and is very genuine. She is thrifty, spends her money carefully, and is not caught up in name brands or her image. She has several close friends who all think she is the one person they can tell anything to because she is supportive and non-judgmental, but knows how to ask probing questions to get her friends to consider another point of view. I am very, very proud of her!

 

She is short-tempered with her 10 year old brother, blew off band this year and got a C, and pretends she doesn't hear me when she doesn't like what I'm asking her to do. She's not perfect! She does have a good heart and pushes herself to be a better person, so I only have to gently guide her.

 

Thank goodness I had her first, because her brothers are much more trouble ;)

[J-rap]

The teen years is when my kids really REALLY became FUN!! For about six months, all five of my kids were teens. :) Now just three of them are. The teen years mark the point when we can hold more adult conversations with them, they more deeply develop their interests and passions, and we can spend hours just sitting, chatting about things that really matter, and laughing. I LOVE the teen years.

[txbloobonnet]

I had to comment on this because I was just thinking about this very thing this morning. My kids are 21, 18, 15 and 14....and they are really wonderful people who I enjoy very much. I was just thinking this morning how much I truly like them. They are funny, witty, responsible, hardworking, and a real pleasure to be around. I love the humor we share now that they are older and how much we laugh and how well my kids enjoy each other. (They may not admit this, but they do all get along fairly well. It wasn't always the case when they were going through the initial spurts of puberty.)

 

Teens get a bad rap, but I think the key is to put in the work when they are little, earn their respect and love and it pays when they are bigger. My kids are not perfect, but I really do like them a lot.

[Jenny in Florida]

Do you like your teenagers? I have a 1 1/2, 4, and 6 year old, and another baby due in September, and I am having a crisis of thought. I am afraid that when my kids are grown that I will not like them. So is there hope for me? Are there any teenagers out there that aren't disrespectul, self-centered, or obnoxious? (Curse these pregnancy hormones!)

 

I liked mine very much.

 

My daughter and I are close. We share a subtly wicked sense of humor and can say things to each other that no one else can. She makes me laugh harder than pretty much anyone else in the world, with the possible exception of her younger brother. (And, as an actor, she is sometimes a little self-centered, but she isn't disrespectful or obnoxious -- most of the time.)

 

My son is funny and charming and, underneath the tough-guy exterior, a big ball of goo. He still hugs me in public and seems to enjoy my company. He's smart and insightful and only occasionally obnoxious. He makes me laugh harder than just about anyone except his big sister.

 

Honestly, I like them. We spend a lot of time together and don't usually get terribly sick of each other. We argue sometimes, and they aren't perfect human beings. But, yes, I truly like them a lot.

 

(I should comment that I like their friends, too. I've spent a fair amount of time with my son's friends, in particular, since I teach them at our church and work on special events with them. We also see quite a bit of them in our home, and they like to talk to me. They're pretty terrific, too.)

Edited June 26, 2011 by Jenny in Florida

[Renee in NC]

I had those worries, too, and my first teen was a dream. His younger brother is taking up some of that slack, but I am confident he'll get over himself eventually.:tongue_smilie:

 

However, neither of them are disrespectful, self-centered, or obnoxious as a regular thing. Yes, sometimes they are, but sometimes I am, too.;)

[Ellie]

Oh, yes, I loved my teens. Ok, they had a few moments here and there, but, um, I have some moments, too. :D

 

Yes, I was thrilled when my dc reached their teens.:001_smile:

[Liz CA]

Yes, I love them. There is all that budding potential and all doors are wide open...which is sometimes a little overwhelming for them. I like the discussions we have, and it's not about PB&J or poop anymore...;)

[Katherine A.]

I love my teens! It's so fun to hear them start talking about the real world, LOL! But all of them have (4) have had a year were they just had a major attitude promblem! Currently dealing with dd14's attitude!:glare:

but when they get past it, its great :D

[silliness7]

I love my teenagers! It's so fun to see them developing into adults. Sure there are things that drive me crazy, but over all I've been pleasantly surprised at how much fun we have together as a family now that we have three teens in the house. There's much laughter, joking, silliness and times of serious, mature conversation. We have much more in common now than we did when they were younger.

 

Yes, they are disrespectful at times (so am I), self-centered at times (so am I) and obnoxious (I'll raise my hand on this one, too). But overall, I'm enjoying this stage of life much more than when all the kids I had were preschoolers and I longed for conversations that didn't center around Barney. (Of course, you can see from my siggy line that I'm still in the "lots of youngers" stage too except that Barney has been replaced by Go Diego Go!)

 

Don't dread those teen years. Look forward to them as the time you can get to know your kids in a different way!

 

:iagree::iagree: I LOVE my teen and soon-to-be-teen and my tween. :001_smile: My 3 just got back from a camping trip and my soon-to-be-teen asked me why I was so grumpy. I didn't realize I was really being that grumpy but said that I had kind of a rough day. He suggested it was because the 3 of them had been gone all day and didn't have as much help as usual running interference with the littles. You know I think he's right. My big guys are HUGE helpers. They adore their littlest brother and sister and the feeling is mutual. So when they're gone it was all me, all day long and I forgot just how exhausting little ones can be.

 

Also, when I get glimpses of them functioning in the outside world, their world, not our immediate family and I see just how capable and responsible and grown-up they are. It just makes me so proud and teary-eyed. I just can't believe they've grown up. And they're awesome!! Except when they're driving me batty. ;)

[Sparkle]

I'm another mom who enjoys her teens. My oldest can be difficult at times (Mr. Drama), but he has *always* been that way, nothing to do with being a teen. Both my boys are good kids, very responsible, fun, respectful, helpful, honest, nice to have around.

[Thea]

I did not like ages 11/12 BUT I absolutely love my teens. They are awesome and I enjoy being around them--most of the time! ;)

[HiddenJewel]

We thoroughly enjoy our teens! A big part of it is recognizing that they are young adults and our job is to help them grow into that. That includes respecting the fact that they are not little anymore and "do as I say" is not good enough for developing mature adults.

[Kate CA]

Do you like your teenagers? I have a 1 1/2, 4, and 6 year old, and another baby due in September, and I am having a crisis of thought. I am afraid that when my kids are grown that I will not like them. So is there hope for me? Are there any teenagers out there that aren't disrespectul, self-centered, or obnoxious? (Curse these pregnancy hormones!)

 

Oh wow, yes! I love my teens. They are two of the greatest joys of my life. It doesn't happen by accident though, and lots of work and relationship building goes into it. It is quite possible to have great relationships with your teens. I wouldn't go back to babyhood for any amount of money.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I love my teen and love how we can talk about much more serious topics and laugh at much dumber jokes.:D The one thing I have to say though is that when there are problems, they can be much more serious with teens than with the littles. But for the most part, the groundwork has been laid and now is the time to reap some of the harvest.

[Melissa in Australia]

I have 3 teen boys, they are so much fun most of the time. sometimes they get a bit moody, but overall they are great.

My most awful age/stage is 12-13 I really hate that stage, everything after that is terrific.

[regentrude]

I like my 14 y/o DD and genuinely enjoy spending time with her. Except for very occasional hormonal fits, she is pleasant, responsible and a joy to have around.

[Donna]

I love my teen boys and most of their friends. They aren't perfect. They do dumb things now and then to test their limits but I accept that as regular teenage behavior. For the most part they are respectful and kind especially when we are out in public.

 

I like them better now than I did when they were about 12 or 13. There was one rough year for each of them that coincided with when I put each in school. More testing than usual plus hormones flaring as they began going through puberty. They have calmed a bit now...my oldest more than my younger who is still developing.

[angela in ohio]

I love them AND like them. :D And we get comments all the time from other people about how pleasant they are and questions about "WHAT did you do to get them that way?!?!" :D

 

Teenagers do not need to be disrespectful, self-centered, or obnoxious, but it takes a LOT of hard work, time, and sacrifice. You have to sow in order to reap.

[GinaPagnato]

We're having a ball with the teen years. It doesn't have to be riddled with rebellion and ugliness. I will say that home schooling and the constant working out of relationships in the context of family has made all the difference in the world!

[Kim in Appalachia]

I have enjoyed the teen years. Yes, there are hard things, but I am enjoying the relationship and the fact that everything is not one-sided.

[Mama Geek]

My cousins homeschool their 4 kids. All of them are polite, friendly, respectful and a pleasure to be around. The oldest is about 17 and they are all 2 years apart.

[Peela]

I adore them.

Yes, they can be very annoying, but so can 2 year olds ( in a similar way, too!).

 

I was warned when my kids were babies that I would have to let go of them while they became horrible teenagers who hated me.

My kids don't hate me (most of the time).

 

I do think homeschooling has helped our relationship immensely. I am very grateful for the years of being so much together, right into their teens. Now that they are not homeschooling, the effects are still there.

 

But I can't say all their friends, un-homeschooled, have bad relationships with their parents either- from what I see many are doing ok.

 

Its a difficult era to raise teenagers, I think. There are a lot of issues to deal with as they interface with our culture, especially the teenage culture here. It can be heart wrenching. But the love never stops and while there are absolutely no guarantees, keeping the communication flowing and hearts open and not being too extreme (laissez faire or authoritarian) goes a long way to having healthy teens and a good relationship with them.

[TravelingChris]

I have enjoyed the teen years much better than earlier years. They aren't so dependent, you can enjoy the same activities, and they talk almost the same as adults.

[Haiku]

Do you like your teenagers?

 

Most of the time. :)

 

My dd is 17 now and she has grown into a lovely young woman. She still does or says things that make me shake my head, but most of the time I can just laugh it off these days. Unfortunately I have to say that I didn't enjoy being around her when she was 14/15. She was rude, excessively self-absorbed, and seemed to spend the majority of the day with her brain-switch firmly in the off position. She outgrew most of this around the time she turned 16.

 

My dd was adopted at an older age (much older than most people think of when they say older, which in the adoption world often means 2-4) so perhaps things would have been different had we had her her entire life, but honestly, in talking to other parents of teens, the majority of them struggle with the 12-15 time period.

 

Tara

[The Girls' Mom]

I have a 14.5DD and two 11 year olds that are just as hormonal as any teen. I actually LIKE them all. They are great kids, and a joy to have around. My oldest dd and I actually talk...about all kinds of stuff. She's fun to be around, and has redeemed my opinion of teens.

 

FWIW, there is a group of about 15 teens that hang out together at my house or others in the group quite regularly. They are all good kids, and I like them too. There IS hope.

[-M-]

Do you like your teenagers?

I do. And other adults do, too. They (my teenagers) are (and were) the sort of people who make others scratch their heads and ask why their kids can't be more like so-and-so. But -- and to me this is awe-inspiring -- my teens are (and were) also well regarded among their peers. I often wonder what magic powder was sprinkled on them because that, my friends, is a tricksy balance.

 

So is there hope for me?

Oh, sure.

 

Are there any teenagers out there who aren't disrespectful, self-centered, or obnoxious?

Yes, but that does seem to be a reliable stereotype, doesn't it? I've met a lot of teens who possess one or more of these three traits. Heck, I think *I* possessed one or more of these three traits as a teen. But while I do think luck plays a larger role in parenting and teaching than is regularly acknowledged, I also believe that quality parenting, teaching, coaching, and/or mentoring (i.e., that done with excellence, consistency, skill, and love) can reduce -- if not eliminate -- disrespect, self-absorption, and obnoxiousness in people of any age, not just teens.

 

A few years ago, I wrote a post "On parenting teenagers":

 

1. Encourage their pursuit of a sport that challenges and exhausts them (e.g., cross country running, swimming, rigorous martial arts training).

 

2. Connect them with meaningful work and support their efforts.

 

3. At the very least, treat them with the same regard that you would tender an office associate. You would never, for example, shout at or disparage or lecture someone in an office scenario -- not even a subordinate, right? Well, approach the training of the young people in your life with -- at minimum -- the level of respect you would accord fellow employees.

 

4. Give them all of the food and rest they need when they need it.

 

5. Well before their teen years, subtly guide them toward an interest or two that you share (e.g., birding or carpentry or flying or whatever). This way, no matter what, you'll have something in common.

 

6. Even if they grow to be your friends, never forget that you are their parents.

[Tutor]

I love my teen girls! They are such cool people!