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Everything posted by Peela

  1. Thanks everyone- it's sweet to drop back in and be remembered- its amazing how much my life has changed in 7 months, and although I haven't been able to let go of all my homeschooling stuff yet (I tried but I am still too sentimental about the possibility of homeschooling grandchildren part time!), it feels like a distant past right now. I don't have much spare time nowadays but will endeavour to drop in more often. Hi Ann- my man is an environmental scientist/ ecologist. Passionate about speaking up about the rapidly deteriorating environment, climate change, species extinction, indigenous issues etc. We just wrote a report on climate change and I was shocked by our research- it's not looking good and there is a lot of denial out there. We have started a blog- we need to spend more time on it but there are a few articles there: davidwithsusan.blogspot.com.au/ :)
  2. I was just thinking today how much these boards have shaped me over the years- I often refer to things that happened here, in conversations. I have just popped in to share how things are going for me and to share my gratitude for all the wonderful women here who have shared their stories, helped me on my journey, and helped me rear my kids the best way I was capable. My ddalmost18 is in university. She only has to do another year and she is finished- she got lots of credits because of the course she did beforehand. She is studying Mass Communications and doing well and loving it. She has a great boyfriend and is happy- she stays with me 3 nights a week. Ds16 is doing a full-time Diploma of Marine Studies which will get him into 2nd year uni as well, in Marine Biology. He is not sure that's what he wants to do...but this is my dyslexic, difficult to teach son- anything is good! I have written many a post about him here as I tried to find my way with him. He no longer considers himself dyslexic. He watches other kids drop out because its too hard- and now knows he is not stupid either. His self esteem is good at last. He is growing up- surrounded by earthy sailing people. His relationship with his dad is finally good. His relationship with me is getting healthy as I have set much healthier boundaries with him. My ex and I get on well and the kids float between us as they choose. He has a new woman and she seems good for him- he is a better dad than he was-when we separated, he thought his kids wouldn't want to spend time with him- it was a wake up call. And I...am totally in love with a gorgeous man. He is a scientist and I work with him- doing research mainly. We work from home and he reckons my years of homeschooling have given me a fresh and unique perspective and excellent research abilities- and I really love it and feel I am doing something worthwhile after feeling in limbo after finishing homeschooling. I am amazed at my kids. They are strong, happy, resilient. I am so glad we did what we did- I see them much less nowadays so I am glad we spent all those years in each other's company. Empty nest syndrome is real- fortunately my life is rich and exciting anyway so the pangs of missing them don't last too long. It was so worth it. I was not at the high end of the academic spectrum for these boards but my kids are doing really well anyway. Just homeschooling alone (whatever style) does have many benefits- they are not jaded by life. They are fresh and excited- but also doing well academically. Just thought I would drop in and share some of the joy in my life. I am happier than I have ever been.
  3. Dog is allowed on couch only if personally invited by family member. Not allowed otherwise. They get the difference. You can tell because of how they look when you enter the room and they are on the couch and they know they shouldn't be :)
  4. I like this wallet so much I had one sent to Australia. I get comments about it all the time. I use it every day- it is my daily wallet. It defines how I manage my finances- I use an envelope system because of it, including spending last month's income, not this month's. It works well- and sometimes I think I must be pretty anal but i don't think I am- its just that when a system resonates and works, I adopt it and I no longer think about it.
  5. Balance- on a day to day level, but in all areas of life. Balancing rest and work, cleaning and creating, mothering and self-nurturing. My priority is shifting away from my kids being the main focus of my life. That feels healthy at this stage. I am taking care of them with love and plenty of attention, but my life is not revolving around them any more as it did for many years. It is an adjustment for all of us but we seem to have entered a new phase where they need to start seeing me as a real person, with needs and wants of my own, not just "mum". Slowly slowly. Eating well is a pretty high priority. Keeping my new home tidy seems to be a fairly high priority.
  6. I co-slept for years. With my first she woud also sleep on a mattress on the floor in the same room, but my 2nd wouldnt - he had to be next to me. I think co-sleeping makes for very secure kids. My dh didnt sleep with us however. If he did, and I didnt feel he woudl be aware enough not to roll on the baby, I would simply put myself between the 2 of them. At once stage we did put 2 queen sized beds in a bedroom and he slept with the older while I slept with the younger. People have been co-sleeping since the beginning of time. Unless there are alcohol and/or drugs involved, we instinctually do not roll on our babies. It is the most natural way to sleep.
  7. I just caught your post on my FB wall , Rosie :) Gosh you guys, you are all so lovely! Wow. I have been flat out busy. I have moved home to a lovely, open place where I have my own living area in a loft and the teens have the area downstairs- much closer together than we are used to, but still a distinct separate space for me. I have my chickens here, the cat, and we are going to get a puppy after Christmas. Both kids have had a party this week. I don't like parties but I promised them a housewarming at the new house- each (what was I thinking?) .The neighbours complained at both. Not a good start to a new neighbourhood but hopefully they will forgive me- it really wasn't that bad. Ex-dh has been incredibly supportive and reasonable throughout the whole separation process. When he could have been difficult and obstructive, he chose not to be. We are communicating well, especially about the kids, and also around money. I feel lucky in that regard- we are still friends although it has been very hard for him. My son is handling the separation well. Dd is quite upset and resentful towards me, which is a new experience for me. I was always the good parent, now I am the bad one for upsetting her life and moving too far away from her dad's house ( 7 kms. 4 miles?). Of course it is touching her deeply...it is difficult for me to deal with her underlying pain while also dealing with the negative behaviours it is producing in a realistic way. In the big scheme of things...I guess it is not too bad and the best that can be expected. I am happy in my new space and my new life. I am relieved to be out of the compromised situation I was in. Dh understands it was hard for me. So.....thanks for thinking of me...I have only had the internet on for a week and have been avoiding coming here so I could finish making my home beautiful and work and catch up on things. But...looks like I am back :)
  8. Oh, that is so exciting for you! I know that feeling too. My son lasted 6 months in high school then asked to come home again. It is soooo nice to have him around again. And he lurvs the lifestyle and freedom of homeschooling (although technically he is now doing correspondence college).
  9. I take sickness as a sign that myself or the kids need to rest more- and I try to organise our lives for that. But it's not always easy to do that. I am not irked by sickness but I am conscious of people of being around sick people and do try to avoid them coughing on me- but I am not particularly germ phobic. While diseases are transmitted by germs, there is another huge part to getting sick- if one is run down, not getting enough sleep, not eating well etc. one is more likely to catch what is going around than if one is in a good healthy state. So if I am around sick people, I take echinacea or other immune stimulating herbs, get extra sleep etc and usually don't catch what is going around.
  10. My son never eats soup. He doesn't like it when foods are mixed together and has some sensory issues. My dd however would have no problem with it. I tend to put out pizza in such situations for my teenagers and their friends, although we have often had meals like marinated baked chicken, or spaghetti Bolognese (meat or vegetarian), or sausages, mashed potatoes and peas, since they seem to be generally acceptable meals to most of the teens who come here. I do find many kids to be fussy, so I try to cater for general tastes- we don't eat a lot of meat but I do make sure we have meat when I have teen guests, generally.
  11. Well, if you have imbalances in gut flora, and parasites- then sure. But throwing the baby out with the bathwater will only cause a host of different problems. But most parasite cleansing programs will include adding in healthy bacteria for healthy gut flora.
  12. My understanding is that we are meant to have a lot of various micro-organisms in our gut- a couple of kgs of them actually- and we are pretty much symbiotic with them. Some parasites are pretty devastating however- if you have ever been to a 3rd world country and got them you know what i mean. Yet the locals tend to adjust so perhaps we all have many deifferent species- and when we live in different countries, we develop different strains of micro organisms. I think it is an area where there needs to be a lot more research, and there is much more we don't know.Our relationship with micro-organisms is fascinating. The modern obsession with getting rid of all "bugs" is short sighted.
  13. When you consider what a concentrated food they are, it is understandable that they are fairly expensive. Thats a lot of fresh grass! I just vary my green supplements regularly, according to what is on special or I feel like. I also make green smoothies which are a cheaper way to get your greens.
  14. Most Mac users like myself rave about our Macs and would never go back to PCs. There are a minority who prefer PCs, but for most of us- once you have a Mac, you never go back :)
  15. I am so touched by all the replies- really, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words, everyone.
  16. Wow. This place is truly unique and amazing. Thankyou so much for all your kind words- I read them all. Denise and others...yes, I am taking time to grieve and am crying as it arises. It is amazing how the grief process has a life of its own. On the good side, I was told today by the real estate agent that I got the house I wanted- so, along with the sadness, I am celebrating a new life beginning. This transition phase has been difficult- still being here when I want to be elsewhere. But overall, I have been supported well throughout. Even the funeral I am going to means I will see all my cousins and uncles and aunts again, after many years, so there are blessings amongst it all. thanks- love to you all
  17. This is an intense time of endings and beginnings for me and I may as well share some of it here. Dh and I are separating....fairly amicably. We love each other. I don't want to live with him. I won't go into the story. I am ok and feeling positive for the future. The kids are ok too. It is hard but real. As we are in this transition and the kids and I are still here, while looking for a new home for us....our beautiful family dog died last night. Talk about touch on an ocean of grief for everyone. She had been sick with bladder cancer for quite a while...and we knew she was dying...but it was still a bit of a shock- yesterday morning she was still walking around. I didnt sleep well, and at 6.30am the phone rang- mum telling me that Grandma had died early this morning. That was sort of expected too but you just never know exactly when, and on top of the dog...well, you can imagine. I was very close to my grandma...I am the oldest grandchild and she doted on me. She had Alzheimers for quite a while and long since lost the capacity to communicate well...but now she is gone I can connect more with how she used to be before she lost her memory and previous personality. She was the family matriarch- it is the end of an era. I am flying over east for the funeral, and my cousins are flying in too- which we wouldn't do for our other grandparents. So....wow. What a week. So much change. I feel raw but these were not unexpected deaths, although the timing is unusual. And my marriage ending is not so unexpected either- I haven't shared much here about it. Its just strange how things line up. Thanks for listening.
  18. I wear a natural deodorant daily- it doesn't work brilliantly, but I refuse to put aluminium under my armpits. My teens like to wear tacky spelling anti perspirant daily - I have actually discouraged it and tried to get them to wear more natural products- but they are teens, and know best :)
  19. What happened here was that it just felt like time to put ds into school- the conflict between him and I was too much. And it was sincerely a relief when he went off to school. After a few months, though, even though there wasn't much direct conflict with me, his behaviour did deteriorate- he was exhausted, and he was picking up negative behaviour patterns. The thing is- he realised it, and asked to homeschool again. I don't teach him now- he does correspondence and I just supervise- but it was an interesting experience. it can be worth it for your relationship and for peace, I feel. Putting ds in school was certainly the best thing for us, even though he is now home again.
  20. I think it is a fundamental quality of human nature that we each have a unique worldview. We may share part of that worldview with others, but unlikely all facets and nuances. I don't like to think in terms of right and wrong worldviews. We need to go beyond that. That doesn't mean I won't back up aspects of my worldview vehemently and disagree with aspects yours- but I cannot dismiss the whole of the way you see the world. We are far too complex, unique individuals, with unique lives and perspectives, to do that.
  21. Jared, age 15, told me highschool taught him a lot. He had gaps, but also areas of competency. He certainly has never said "gee mum, thanks for teaching me to read and write so well" or anything (yet!) :) Maybe that sort of appreciation usually takes having one's own kids first. He was at highschool for 6 months and it's really good that he went- he did learn a lot of how school works, and it is a good school. But in the end he just felt it was all pretty irrelevant to his life (I remember thinking the same at the same age) and he asked to come home again where he has time for things that are important to him. I would agree that 15yos are pretty focus don the here and now. I don't expect appreciation at this stage. They are developing so rapidly, including brain development, at this age. I remember one of my dd17's friends going through these years- I honestly wondered how his mum didn't strangle him, he was so vague and apparently dumb. He looked like he lived in a constant fog. But he did come through it and is a capable young man nowadays.
  22. I have one of those sons too! I have posted many a post about him over the years, here. With Jared, learning difficulties coupled with a provocative personality and a lack of interest in anything academic, made him a kid that was never going to be a WTM postcard kid :) But he is literate, will get by on the maths he knows, and has a fresh, enthusiastic personality (still provocative!) that has escaped the burning out and dumbing down of the school system. He loves his life and has passion for the future. I am so glad I homeschooled him (and he is again at home after 6 months in highschool where he realised home was a far better option for the likes of free spirits like him!). Its all worth it in the end. My son is 15 and is doing correspondence work now- and not a lot of it, I might add. He works part time at a job he loves- a gymnastics trainer- a job he could only have as a homeschooler. He has a large group of friends and is very competent at organising his social life. Its been a difficult journey but I must say that by about age 14, once the first transition of puberty had passed and he had matured, he is a much easier kid to be around. I no longer "teach" him but simply help him if he needs it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: There have been many, many days I have needed hugs and prayers too.
  23. It sounds like hunting is part of the culture in your area, and your husband's culture. I think in that case, I would not stand in the way. It may be an important way for your dh to bond with his son. HOWEVER you don't have to like it and you don't have to be the one to take him, etc etc. And you don't have to let the crass jokes pass without comment. Be yourself, and be a role model to your son of compassion and care and being true to yourself and YOUR values which are as valid as anyone else's. You can express how you feel, even that you would prefer it not happen, without trying to control the situation beyond what is healthy (and maybe setting boundaries around locking up guns 100% of the time is a necessary step), considering the other parent has equally strong opinions about it all. It may be a rite of passage for your son, and for you to let go of your son in a certain way, as he steps more into a man's world. But you can still hold the female values of care and nurturing, of not killing mindlessly or wastefully, and of protectiveness.
  24. Some people with horrific childhoods of abuse or neglect or poverty, end up incredibly generous, compassionate people. And some don't. I think we often think that qualities of openheartedness etc are separate from intellectual qualities...but I think its difficult to have an open heart (or compassionate, empathic etc) without an open mind, and vice versa. It takes some intellectual rigour to step out of one's own world to imagine that of another's. We are a self centred culture. But it can be done by anyone- how naturally it comes is probably uniquely individual, though.
  25. We know the password each other tends to use generically for most things. However, we also both respect each other's privacy and do not presume to read each other's emails etc.
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