Why is it . . . (vent)

[scrapbookbuzz]

. . . that husbands always ask or hint that we get a job and they'll stay home and school the kids? At least, this is a frequent occurrence at my house. Does this happen to you?

 

I've been looking, mind you, thinking he'd stop asking. He hasn't. But I'm looking in a very specific field that is also very competitive.

 

The long and short of this, however, is that I'm TIRED of the requesting. I'm tired of the looking and getting nowhere.

 

It's not like I don't have a job already! :glare::tongue_smilie:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Ask him to do a trial run on the weekends with one subject. He may stop asking.:D

[scrapbookbuzz]

Jean, he's getting a trial WEEK next week. I leave for WY this Friday and I'm not coming back until the 21st. I'm praying (and you feel free to pray, as well) that it WILL be a wakeup call for him!

[Impish]

Wolf and I did switch roles. He came home to start a business, I went back to work in health care.

 

It worked beautifully...until I got hurt. :tongue_smilie:

[asta]

DH had some time off from his job and "did mine" while I was away. Well, the house got really clean. Too bad kid didn't learn anything.

 

DH didn't realize that most of what we do is Socratic learning. He thought that, as long as kid did his math, grammar, etc., he was "good". Well, that isn't "good enough" for high school! They need to discuss stuff or you never know if they are comprehending it properly (at least in DS's case).

 

At the end of the week, DH was exhausted and never brought up the "switching" concept again.

 

 

a

[twoxcell]

My dh has never said anything like that:lol:, although he would enjoy hanging with the kids. Not sure how much school would actually get done, but it would be fun.

[BlsdMama]

My dh has never said anything like that:lol:

 

Interesting. Mine either. I notice we both have at least four children ages eight and under. Methinks you need a new baby or two rather than a job. :D It might be more effective to squish the requests.

[Mom0012]

Jean, he's getting a trial WEEK next week. I leave for WY this Friday and I'm not coming back until the 21st. I'm praying (and you feel free to pray, as well) that it WILL be a wakeup call for him!

 

I sure hope it will be! My husband does not realize how much I do. He never makes comments like you say your husband does unless we are having an argument, so he has no true desire to stay home with the kids. BUT, I know he has no idea of half the things I do. He goes to work and brings home a check and I do everthing else except mow the lawn.

 

Now, my kids are older and I do feel like my life is pretty cushy. I'm pretty efficient at getting things done and my husband works at home a lot so he sees that. But, if he were to try and do it? I can tell you the house would be a disgusting disaster, meals would be horrible, we'd break our budget big time and he'd be angry and yelling all the time. And homeschooling? Forget it. He was supposed to do math with my oldest a couple of years ago and he wouldn't do it unless I got on him and then he'd get mad.:001_huh:

 

My husband is a great person. It's just that he's suited for his job and I'm suited for mine. I'm sure I'd be terrible at what he does. But I do realize he works hard. It would be nice if he realized that while I may not be working the long hours he is, I am accomplishing a lot because of my efficiency and organization skills.

 

I hope that week you are gone is an eye opener for your husband. It will definitely help if you have lots of small children.:001_smile:

 

Lisa

[Ginevra]

Ha! I never get that. I think dh is relieved that he gets to leave for 8 or 9 hours a day and converse with adults who are usually rational.

[linders]

Whenever I get a bit, ah, frustrated, I suggest DH stay home and HS (and do all the cleaning, cooking, and laundry) and I'll go to work.

 

He gets a panicked look on his face and grabs a glass of wine for me:tongue_smilie:

[elegantlion]

DH had some time off from his job and "did mine" while I was away. Well, the house got really clean. Too bad kid didn't learn anything.

 

DH didn't realize that most of what we do is Socratic learning. He thought that, as long as kid did his math, grammar, etc., he was "good". Well, that isn't "good enough" for high school! They need to discuss stuff or you never know if they are comprehending it properly (at least in DS's case).

 

At the end of the week, DH was exhausted and never brought up the "switching" concept again.

 

 

a

 

This would be my dh. My dh is a great housekeeper (we owned a cleaning business for a while). He's a gifted carpenter and can build a house from the ground up. He is not a teacher. We also do a lot of discussion in our class time. Dh is a talker, ds is a talker. They'd probably end up watching James Bond together.

 

My reality is dh compliments me on my teaching, and I compliment him on all the remodeling work he's done recently. We're both happy, we know our spots.

[SnowWhite]

My dh would NEVER hs the kids. He did however start a home business so we *both* get to stay home every day, LOL.

 

When he had a career "bump" right before the home business, we discussed me possibly returning to the work force, but he was going to put the kids in *public school*. Not acceptable to me! Thankfully we also had an infant so child care would have been cost prohibitive. Also thankfully dh's career choice makes a successful home business a viable option.

[Danestress]

I would distinguish between a case where

 

(1) a husband is sincerely wanting to have a turn at being the parent who stays home and cares for the children. I think most of our husbands would educate differently, but I would be very very careful about implying that he wouldn't do a good job. We all do it differently. And I am sure some of us doing a "better" job that others. But I sure wouldn't want my husband to start making a bunch of "you don't have what it takes" jokes and undermine me as a mother and homeschooler. I need his support more than any one else's. So I would not want to do that to him. If there were a chance he might really want to do it, I would start off with an attitude of "you would be so great at it" and then over the course of a number of conversations, iron out some things about what is included in the job. If he really wanted this, we would have to have a lot of talk and prayer about it. It would just kill me though, to have to go back to work. I am pretty attached to my status as not having to work!

 

(2) a husband says this kind of thing because it's part of the "who works harder" game. So if the discussion is part of dynamic where he vents about how hard his day was, you tell him he has no clue, your day was harder, and he responds that he would love to switch places, to me that is not really about his heart's desire to stay home with the kids. That might be more about his need for recognition that being the working guy who provides for a family has it's own set of stresses.

Edited May 11, 2011 by Danestress

[Chris in VA]

Mine might do a better job than me. But he's way less passionate about finding materials that would work.

I like our arrangement pretty fine. He makes a ton more than me, anyway.

He did watch one of the kids when very little, while I taught preschool for the other one out of the home. That's why they are so close.

 

I'm sorry you have to deal with his stress. Sounds like he's very unhappy at work.

[Brigitte]

My dh does this. About a year and a half ago, I was really frustrated with my kids and he insisted on taking over home schooling. It didn't even last 24 hours. Getting him to do school with the kids when I have to be away is hard enough. I am now a full-time real estate agent, manage our rental, take care of everything at home and homeschool our twins while he flits from job to job. According to him, I have it easier because I don't have "a job." Truth be told, he really doesn't want to work. He is an intellectual and "regular" jobs don't fit well with that personality. Perhaps your dh is like that, too. It is not that he really would prefer your life, he is just not satisfied with his. I also think many spouses don't see homeschooling as work - all they see is your being home with the kids. It's a shame, really.

[Rhonda in TX]

No, this doesn't happen here. DH has specifically said that he has no desire to do what I do, and he's happy to be the one with the job.

 

Maybe your DH needs a different job?

[Dawn in OH]

. . . that husbands always ask or hint that we get a job and they'll stay home and school the kids? At least, this is a frequent occurrence at my house. Does this happen to you?

 

 

 

I hear this when I complain about the kids or not getting a break.

 

He's taught lessons, and he's very good at it (except grammar), with the exception that he doesn't follow a progression of topics. He teaches random things without considering what a child of our children's level needs to be learning.

 

I also know that while he might to a fine job of teaching, he won't do everything I do. Either the house will be really clean with minimal schooling, or the house will not be clean with lots of schooling.

 

It's very frustrating. He complains about his job, I should be allowed to do the same on occasion.

[Danestress]

I am really really glad my DH did not judge me as a homeschool Mom based on my first week of trying. I honestly think that most families need a number of months to really figure out their homeschool system. If a Mom posted on here and said, "I had a terrible first week. I couldn't figure out how to do the science lab, and forgot to cook dinner one night, the laundry never got done, and I think one of my children did math lessons he already knew and it was too easy" we would all sooth and assure and say, "it's just the first week."

 

Why would we not give a man the same grace? They don't need time to also get in the groove?

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Ha! I never get that. I think dh is relieved that he gets to leave for 8 or 9 hours a day and converse with adults who are usually rational.

 

:iagree:

[Jenny in Florida]

. . . that husbands always ask or hint that we get a job and they'll stay home and school the kids? At least, this is a frequent occurrence at my house. Does this happen to you?

 

Umm, no. That does not happen around here.

 

In fact, on days when my husband has to stay home with our son (and even more so when both kids were here), he routinely treats me with much more respect for a few days. He freely admits that his job is a lot easier than mine, and he doesn't want to trade.

[Wheres Toto]

My husband has said he would love to stay home, school our kids and be a house husband. And he'd probably be better at it than I am. Unfortunately (for him, I guess) he makes over twice what I could at any position I'm even remotely qualified for.

 

DH regularly takes the kids away for the weekend and gets a lot of time alone with them so I don't think there would be any shocks for him on how hard it is. He's also great about not giving me a hard time about things not getting done so things are working for us the way they are.

[Sophia]

. . . that husbands always ask or hint that we get a job and they'll stay home and school the kids? At least, this is a frequent occurrence at my house. Does this happen to you?

 

 

 

Never.

When our first dc was born, dh would joke that he had to go to work to get some rest. We now have six dc and although dh loves his children, he still gladly goes to work every day :lol:.

[kalanamak]

. . . that husbands always ask or hint that we get a job and they'll stay home and school the kids?

 

:lol: Hey, I work AND school the kid. Hubby plays the accordion a lot, takes care of the yard, is a general fix-it guy and does outdoorsy stuff with kiddo. He says it is the best job he's ever had. My image of our lives is that he is a cow that grazes here and there in a field, and I'm the express train that barrels through the pasture 4 times a day and gets the wind up him. :)

[AuntieM]

Jean, he's getting a trial WEEK next week. I leave for WY this Friday and I'm not coming back until the 21st. I'm praying (and you feel free to pray, as well) that it WILL be a wakeup call for him!

 

A week, aye? One or two days usually does the trick around here. After a full week, I'm guessing you'll never hear the suggestion again!

[Murphy101]

LOL no. My dh, even when unemployed for nearly 2 years, NEVER suggested I even look for work and got rather POd if I suggested it.

 

We ARE very aware of the hard work each of us does.

Edited May 11, 2011 by Martha
Removed a word!

[Paintedlady]

My dh has never said anything like that:lol:, although he would enjoy hanging with the kids. Not sure how much school would actually get done, but it would be fun.

 

Same here. My dh knows he doesn't want my job. :D

[kokotg]

I hear exactly the opposite here :D. It works out well; he teaches high school math, and I definitely would rather have my job than his, too!

[Parrothead]

Oh, no, that won't happen here. Dh... um... no, that won't happen here.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

lol oh boy :grouphug: my hubby knows he couldn't handle it....that's one thing he hasn't volunteered to do......

[dirty ethel rackham]

Dh says those things, but he is joking. He is envious of the time I spend with the kids and would love to be here in the midst of it all. I am sure that part of him feels he could do a better job. He is more of a get-er-done kind of guy. But I am more touchy-feely and can help guide my kids through the emotional minefields of life (or so I try.)

 

We both know that it isn't a reality ... my former career moved to India for 1/3 the pay - anything left in the states is going to the young, cheap techno gurus and I can't compete.

[Anita in NC]

My husband likes working and I like homeschooling.

 

He does not want to homeschool the kids himself. I doubt he would last the day if he tried. :D

[alpidarkomama]

My DH never says anything like that, but he does think I have the best job in the world! And I agree. :) We're all doing our part to make our life possible. :)

[Karen in CO]

My dh decided this year that he should take over for one of the classes. We talked about it; my older dd begged that it not be one of her classes. I gave him K science. :) In the past 3 months, he has had two sessions of science with her. He told me that he just wasn't prepared enough and that he doen't know how I do it and that what I do is really hard. :)

 

I had misgivings about giving him a class because I didn't think he would be able to do it, but I'm glad I turned it over to him because it has helped in his appreciation of what I do.

[Lovedtodeath]

DH is better at getting the house clean, but when he teaches he just gives DD all of the answers. :001_huh:Of course she prefers him.:lol: He also has just as much trouble sticking to the budget and getting the kids to bed, but when I have trouble it is a major failing on my part. :(

 

For a long time I thought that DH being at home would be preferable, but since I have been leaving the kids with him so that I can go to the gym we have found that his tolerance for childish noises is no better than mine.

 

The bottom line is that I feel very privileged to have a DH who takes care of his family. I told my counselor at the gym (our sign up interview included stress, etc.) that I am spoiled.

Edited May 11, 2011 by Lovedtodeath

[fairfarmhand]

mine has NEVER said this.

 

There are days when he looks around at the madhouse that is our home and makes a mad dash for the door. (I think he may be smiling while he's running!)

 

But he really likes his job too.

 

Perhaps that has something to do with it.

[Lovedtodeath]

mine has NEVER said this.

 

There are days when he looks around at the madhouse that is our home and makes a mad dash for the door. (I think he may be smiling while he's running!)

 

But he really likes his job too.

 

Perhaps that has something to do with it.

Ah yes. My DH has the worst job. If I had to do his job I would never want to trade, the poor guy. :(

 

The kids were so bad on the last vacation he took though, that he said it didn't even count as a vacation. I wish I could figure out how to handle them.

[scrapbookbuzz]

 

It will definitely help if you have lots of small children.:001_smile:

 

 

 

Sorry to disappoint, Ladies, but I'm 42 and other measures have been taken, so there will be no more babies. Two kiddos is about all I can handle right now! :tongue_smilie:

[missmoe]

My husband wants to know what I'm going to do job wise after I'm done homeschooling which is most likely just a few years away. He would like me to do something that would enable me to buy him a Porsche!:tongue_smilie:

 

And I was thinking retirement was in my future!

[sassenach]

Interesting. Mine either. I notice we both have at least four children ages eight and under. Methinks you need a new baby or two rather than a job. :D It might be more effective to squish the requests.

 

Mine either. More evidence that 4 is the magic number!

[scrapbookbuzz]

 

Maybe your DH needs a different job?

 

Yes! However, he has a hard time stepping out of the comfort zone; ie, taking the steps necessary to move towards what he really wants to do.

[Hedgehog]

My DH hasn't said that in a long time. :lol:

 

He loves his job most of the time, and it's the same for me with what I do. So it's all good. :001_smile:

[scrapbookbuzz]

I think tonight I'll go over lesson planning with him so he can see that. Along with that I'll show him the History/Readers Guides he needs to remember to use to ask comprehension questions. I'm not so sure I want him to try to teach them grammar/English. And he has a hard enough time now dealing with our daughter's meltdowns (she has Asperger's Syndrome) with me here to temper him. We'll see how that works out for him while teaching her, too!

 

To a previous poster, I agree grace should be extended. But I really think a week will be a good wake up call to him. That is my prayer, anyway.

[MadsandLilysMom]

I find one day at home with the kids all day quelches any mention of this. I take two days a year for me. I go shopping, have a facial, eat lunch by myself and he stays home with the kids. He gets to do the whole routine and by the time I come back around 3 pm he is ready for a break. He knows being a SAHM is HARD and is happy to go to work. We haven't officially started homeschooling yet, but he knows it is not a cake walk.

[JeanM]

Well my dh used to hint occasionally, but he was mostly joking. Then he lost his job, and now he's been unemployed for 1.5 years. I found a full time job, so now he really is staying home with the kids. :lol:

 

He is not finding it easy though, and I'm really hoping that he finds a job before he gives up and sends them to school.

 

 

 

 

. . . that husbands always ask or hint that we get a job and they'll stay home and school the kids? At least, this is a frequent occurrence at my house. Does this happen to you?

 

I've been looking, mind you, thinking he'd stop asking. He hasn't. But I'm looking in a very specific field that is also very competitive.

 

The long and short of this, however, is that I'm TIRED of the requesting. I'm tired of the looking and getting nowhere.

 

It's not like I don't have a job already! :glare::tongue_smilie:

[Twilight Woods]

nope. DH is quite content to go to work everyday. In his words "you couldn't pay me to stay home with the kids" LOL.

 

He thinks I have a very demanding job at home. :) I do work PT on the weekends [overnights] so he does pull his share of daddy duty on the weekends..........and sometimes I purposely plan the girls extras on weekends so I don't have to do it. :)

[mamakimberly]

My husband is a teacher, so yeah, he jokes that he would DIE to have my classroom over his! :)

 

I do work part-time from home as well, and he often praises me for managing everything. His respect for what I do means a lot to me.

 

Likewise, I respect that he teaches in a hard, rough public school and does his best for those kids every day. He may joke about wanting to teach our kids, but not because he thinks I'm doing a bad job or he thinks it is easy or anything like that. He completely gets the reality of what it is to be a teacher.

[Mrs Mungo]

. . . that husbands always ask or hint that we get a job and they'll stay home and school the kids? At least, this is a frequent occurrence at my house. Does this happen to you?

 

:lol::smilielol5:Oh my goodness, no, never. Honestly. My husband would work 3 jobs to support us before he stayed home with the kids.

[HappyCrazyMama]

I have heard that on a rare occasion but it's because he doesn't' want to go to work. My dh doesn't particularly like his job and would rather stay home (of course) but he doesn't want my job either. When I am gone for a day that's about all he can handle and he doesn't do school. He's a get outside and do something kind of guy and he gets a bit stir crazy homemaking. :) My dh doesn't really want me to go to work, he loves that I do what I do and thanks me for it.:D I will pray for you.

[6packofun]

My dh hasn't said anything of the sort because he values his limbs. :lol: Kidding.

 

Seriously, though, I'm staying at home doing a difficult job that I also happen to love and dh is free to pursue almost ANY sort of career that HE will love. It doesn't work to have 2 adults staying home and no one working to pay the bills, so he goes to work. (He tried starting a business from home and he does NOT have the personality for it, so I'm not confident he'd do OK at home with the kiddos anyhow.)

 

Me being the stay-home parent and him working an outside career is the set-up we talked and prayed about before and during our marriage. Considering I didn't finish my degree or work in a career before starting our family, it wouldn't make sense for me to try to find outside work just so that my dh could experiment with being Mr. Mom. We all have to suck it up and do the *right* thing for our family situation--not always the fun thing, or the keep up with the Jones' thing, or the hey-I'd-like-to-switch-things-up-just-for-kicks thing. I'm sure my dh has gone through times where he wishes he could be at home, but it just wouldn't work. If I'd been able to get a degree and find a field in which I'm skilled before having babies and needing to be home, I might have a different answer, though! LOL

[Plucky]

Are you sure he doesn't just want you to put them in school and get a job? My dh does not tell me he wants to homeschool, in fact he's said he wouldn't homeschool if I died. :( He thinks my job is way harder than his, but it isn't.