ProudGrandma Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 simple question....does your husband see what needs to be done and help you with things around the house...or do you always need to ask for help if you want him to help you with something? Especially if you are sick or hurt? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Yes and no. He does see a lot of things like dirty dishes needing to go into the dishwasher. But no he doesn't see everything. There are lot of things he is clueless about. Overall, I'd say my DH does a good job picking up any slack when needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 simple question....does your husband see what needs to be done and help you with things around the house...or do you always need to ask for help if you want him to help you with something? Especially if you are sick or hurt? No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Most of the time I have to ask. Occasionally he surprises me and just does something on his own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Anna Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Well, I'm particularly lucky because my dh shows love through acts of service - so he will often see things that need to be done and just do them. However, we have an agreement that I can't hold him responsible to do something unless I've vocalized the request. If I don't ask in words, I have no right to be resentful about it not getting done. It works, most of the time. :) When I'm sick or out of commission in some way, I either need to leave a detailed list and go over it with him personally or else just be okay with stuff not being done. Mama Anna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 My dh is VERY helpful around the house ..... if I give him a specific request. There can be a gargantuan mountain of laundry, and he will wash the five dishes. Our yard can be a jungle, and he will dust the three specks of dust. I just learned to be more specific when I ask for help around the house. Very, very specific. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xuzi Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 simple question....does your husband see what needs to be done and help you with things around the house...or do you always need to ask for help if you want him to help you with something? Especially if you are sick or hurt? About 90% of the time I have to ask, or tell him specifically what I want him to do ("Straighten up the kitchen, please" gets some garbage thrown away and some dirty dishes into the dish washer. "Could you wash the dishes, empty the garbage, and pack away the leftovers, please?" gets it about 80% done. :tongue_smilie: ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bcnlvr Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Me: Detail-oriented. DH: Big picture kinda guy. I have to ask specifically and he is obliges, but he reminds me that I need to ask...lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 simple question....does your husband see what needs to be done and help you with things around the house...or do you always need to ask for help if you want him to help you with something? Especially if you are sick or hurt? The latter. Even if the water is cold and he has to shower in it cold, he won't investigate what to do about it unless I ask. True story that happened TODAY! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Dh doesn't see most of it until it is "in his face." I've taught him over the years to see the dishes and to see the laundry. He has never been able to see that the carpeting has been cleaned or that the bathroom has been scoured. He will help me if I ask. He will also do laundry and/or dishes if he sees it. If I'm sick I won't have to get out of bed to a filthy kitchen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 If I am sick our otherwise out of commission he will take up some of my slack. He will wash laundry, bathe children, and order pizza. The basics. Most days, however, he is happy to help but I have to ask him to do specific things. He does not notice what needs to be done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 The latter. Even if the water is cold and he has to shower in it cold, he won't investigate what to do about it unless I ask. True story that happened TODAY! Dh was down in the quiet basement and heard the drip, drip, drip going on for about 2 minutes, but did not investigate until I called down to him to see if he knew what it was. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProudGrandma Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 ok..then I am not alone...my husband is willing to help if I ask...but I have to ask....and sometimes I get downright frustrated in needing to ask for very obvious things....but I guess I am not alone. thanks....guess I will just need to ask more often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 My husband has had intermittent employment over the last 4 years. I have worked a combination of jobs and been a full time student. He has not only "helped" but has handled most of the homemaking and kid related stuff. He will start back to work next week (or the week after) as a school bus driver so that we'll have good benefits and one of us will be available to handle family management needs. It is such a contrast to the division of labor I experienced previously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 My DH is a wonderful help around the house. I am quite lucky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) LOLLOLOLLOL!!!!!!!!!!!We came home to a sick doggie today, and he grabbed the Dr Bronner's. HOWEVER, I have certain cleaning needs that even my own mother could not see. I would never think my dh could see those. :D :lol: These needs would put me in the itchbay ategorycay. Edited February 14, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StartingOver Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Yes and no. Mine notices that the dishes need to be done on his night, we swap nights. Other than that he is oblivious. I have to ask him, but he will do it without fuss most of the time. He is a procrastinator so not always on my time frame. I wouldn't trade him though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 The having to ask is what makes me crazy-shrew-of-a-wife. I have no idea why I would have to ask dh to vacuum the carpets in his house. Or anything else. To me it makes me feel like I'm thought of as the maid, "I don't have to vacuum, my wife (the maid) will do it." Over the past 3 years we have argument after argument about cleaning and me not being the maid (and cook). He is getting better, but there have been lots of tears and overwhelming frustration on my part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 DH does way more work around the house than I do, but not the kind I sometimes want! He has laid all the hardwoods on the main floor He remodeled 2 bathrooms so far Currently putting up drywall and taping and mudding the basement Does all the 2.5 acres of landscaping and yardwork Has painted the entire interior of the house lays tile Replaces lights/ceiling fans Replaces garage doors Fixes all the cars himself, no matter how hard the job and the list goes on an on......so I can't complain about cleaning. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 The latter. Even if the water is cold and he has to shower in it cold, he won't investigate what to do about it unless I ask. True story that happened TODAY! Are we married to the same man? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Yes and no. We established from day one of our marriage who would be in charge if which household duties and that has stood for 14 years (i.e. he does dishes, I do laundry, he takes care of the yard, I pay the bills, etc.). Outside of that, he will do anything I ask but I do usually have to ask. He just doesn't "see" things like I do. But if I ask he is happy to help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 There are a few things that he will do on his own (things that are important to him). I have to ask for everything else, including taking out the kitchen trash, which we have agreed is his job. He has vacuumed about twice in the almost 12 years we have been married. If I leave the kids with him, he needs me to remind him to feed them...or they remind them. If he isn't hungry, he doesn't think to feed anyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I am very blessed. My dh just dives in and does what needs to be done - especially if I am sick. He is also an expert at getting the kids motivated and working (there's usually a movie promised at the end of work time). I have a bad back, so he realizes that if things have gone undone it's because I'm having a particularly rough day. He is also the kind of person who expresses his love through acts of service - not the type to buy flowers or gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 If I am sick or hurt, dh is very quick to take care of things. I broke my arm while pregnant with dd and he did everything - changed all of ds's diapers when he was home, did all baths, did all the dishes. He always cooks, plans and (if not part of regular weekly trip) shops for dinner. He will change a diaper if he sees it needs to be done. He doesn't do dishes, laundry or general cleaning on a normal basis because we agreed those things would be my responsibility since I'm home all day. Most important to me - he NEVER gives me a hard time if the house is mess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 As texasmama said, "There are a few things that he will do on his own (things that are important to him). I have to ask for everything else, including taking out the kitchen trash, which we have agreed is his job. He has vacuumed about twnety times in the almost 20 years we have been married. If I leave the kids with him, he needs me to remind him to feed them...or they remind them. If he isn't hungry, he doesn't think to feed anyone else." The bolded part reflects my reality. BUT..... He does all this... Does all the .3 acres of landscaping and yardwork Has painted the most of the interior of the house Notices the drips, burnt out lights and broken appliances around the house and fixes them too.. Replaces garage doors Fixes all the cars himself, no matter how hard the job Pays the bills Manages finances and goes to a job he hates for 45-50 hours a week and the list goes on an on......so I can't complain about cleaning. I do feel "like the maid" sometimes. I'm sure he feels like a "paycheck" sometimes.... That's just LIFE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry in OH Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Most of the time I must ask. I need to be specific about what needs to be done and when I need it done. He has gotten better about some things. He used to tell me when he noticed the floor needed to be cleaned. :glare: Now he either runs the vacuum cleaner or doesn't comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Dh is very good about cleaning around the house, doing dishes, laundry, etc. He is needs pointers about the kids. For instance, I'll have them all settled doing something QUIET and he'll come home and complain about a small mess and get everyone riled up again. Or I will need to point out that ds needs some Dad time or dd needs help with such and such. Or that we don't need him cleaning, we need himto take ds5 outside so we can finish X. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Interesting question for me. 2 years ago I would have answered that I had to ask for help, even when sick. We're coming out of a 16 month lay off. In those 16 months he took over the daily running of the house while I schooled/worked. He did laundry, dishes, put gas in the car, did grocery shopping, made doctor's appts and took the kids, etc. All of this he did without my asking. Now, of course, he's back to work and I still work in the afternoons. We have to figure out a new normal for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarawatsonim Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I have to ask him. I always wonder how he says he doesn't notice things but yet he has to cram the dishes in the sink or step over the massive pile of laundry I purposely dumped out in the middle of the living room just to see if he would a) pick it up or b) start to fold it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Dh sees everything. I don't. Drives him nuts. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 simple question....does your husband see what needs to be done and help you with things around the house... No. or do you always need to ask for help if you want him to help you with something? Especially if you are sick or hurt? Yes. I've let the dishes pile up a little. Last night I said, "the dishes need to be done tomorrow." This was mostly a reminder to myself, and saying it out loud in the presence of a witness was a way of holding myself accountable. But then I added, directed at dh, "and you'd better do a good job!" He laughed, but today I did a bunch of dishes, and when they had air dried and I had put them away, I asked him to do some more dishes, and he did. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 No, he does not see what needs to be done. Yes, he does kick in when I am sick. Things don't always get done how I would do them, but the kids get feed and taken anywhere they need to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disney Dreaming Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I am very fortunate, my husband helps out without asking. He works 10 hour days and then comes home, and without my asking, helps with supper, dishes, laundry(if there is any going at that time), and putting dd to bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 simple question....does your husband see what needs to be done and help you with things around the house...or do you always need to ask for help if you want him to help you with something? Especially if you are sick or hurt? :lol::lol::lol: If I can stop laughing long enough, I will answer. . .:lol::lol::lol: My husband has told me many times that I need to specifically tell him what I want him to do. He is not able to see what needs to be done at all. Even if every. single. dish. in the house were lying dirty in the sink and he wanted to make himself some toast and needed a plate, he would ask me where all the plates were. Not kidding. I hurt my neck very badly when the kids were 2 and 3 and I had to have my mom and my sister take turns staying with me so that the kids would be fed, bathed, the dishes would get done, the laundry, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 simple question....does your husband see what needs to be done and help you with things around the house...or do you always need to ask for help if you want him to help you with something? Especially if you are sick or hurt? I have to ask. Sick or hurt: we've been through a couple of those. still have to hand-hold through steps on how to feed littles, how to put soap in the washing machine, when to start thinking of food, drop offs, pick ups. It is hurtful to me b/c I take it a certain way. After many discussions about this, I know in my brain that he means no harm, but my heart tells me that if someone cared he's figure it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Dh has always been well housetrained, long before I met him- it was me who had to catch up. Nowadays we have our separate areas of responsibility. He is a Mr Fix It and is always tending to things that need fixing. He doesn't vacuum, sweep or wash floors though, or de-clutter anything. He doesn't usually do dishes but he might do them if both the kids and I weren't around -he doesn't like mess. He will often do a quick clean up in the kitchen but not to the extent of emptying the dishwasher or doing a big load of pots. Yesterday I was upset with him over something and when I went out for a walk to cool off my upset, he busied himself with bleaching the kitchen benches. (we openly call it sucking up :) ) He does it every few months and I had been wishing he would do it again but I hadn't got around to asking him. So..I guess that falls into the category of noticing something needed doing and doing it. He won lots of brownie points from me for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 simple question....does your husband see what needs to be done and help you with things around the house...or do you always need to ask for help if you want him to help you with something? Especially if you are sick or hurt? DH will spend as much time doing half a job as actually doing the whole job. ie If there are dirty dishes on the counter, he will rinse them and put them in one side of the sink.....seriously, Just put them in the DISHWASHER! He will only do 1/2 do a household chore most of the time. He will pick up a bit....but never all of the mess. It drives me nuts because it seems like it is a waste of time to me. Either do it right, or don't bother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpidarkomama Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 DH is VERY helpful around the house, and just walks over to me and asks if there's anything I'd like him to do, or what is the most important thing right now. I am here all the time, so I just KNOW what needs doing at any particular time. I also know which things are most urgent. He has a few standard things he always does if it's needed - dishes, garbage, sweeping, etc. - but otherwise he needs suggestions. I think it's very reasonable! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cricket Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Dh sees everything. I don't. Drives him nuts. :D Yes. This. But dh still doesn't help. If I was sick or hurt for more than two days, he probably would. Actually, he'd do it for about a day and then train the children to do it. He even joked earlier tonight that if I made him do the dishes every night, he'd have the children trained to do it within a few days. It's just not his thing I guess. I've learned to live with it! He's helpful in other ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 My hubby sees and does but he manages to do it before I even notice that it needed to be done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Most of the time I have to ask. Occasionally he surprises me and just does something on his own. This. But I don't mind so much. If he's willing to pitch in when asked, I'm not going to hold a grudge over whether he takes it upon himself to clean things on his own the rest of the time. He's great in other ways. He's the one who earns money (and lets me spend whatever I want on school stuff, which I get to decide upon), he's the one who mows the lawn in the summer, he's the one out there shoveling snow in the winter, he is a great cook and makes us breakfast almost every morning and dinner on every one of his nights off, he's very affectionate and is always complimenting me (even when I look/feel like crap) and saying "I love you" all the time and so on and so forth. None of us are perfect, right? :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheCoffeeChick Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I not only have to point the things out and ask, but I also have to write down a list. ;) I understood very early in our marriage that this was the way dh functions and it's actually one thing we've never had an argument about. Secretly I'm too picky about how things should be cleaned to let dh (or the kids) do much around the house. I would have to redo most household chores anyway, so I don't ask often. It kills me to watch the kids do their chores without telling them they're doing it wrong. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 If there are special things I need done I just make a honey-do list and leave it by the coffee pot. For more day to day stuff...I'll ask him to swap the laundry while I'm cooking or stuff like that. He's actually really super good about helping out. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 No, he doesn't notice anything that needs to be done. If I ask, he will do it, but it usually takes a loooooong time for him to get around to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 simple question....does your husband see what needs to be done and help you with things around the house...or do you always need to ask for help if you want him to help you with something? Especially if you are sick or hurt? Yes and no here. He sees what needs to be done. But instead of doing it, he gets one of the kids to do it, usually. If I want help, I have to ask for it from him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysticamethyst Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 LOL, this reminds me of a time our kids were all under 6, I had just had our last and was sick to boot, I told dh he needed to bath the older 3 that I just couldn't get it done. Time goes by I do not hear the tub so I go looking for them, he had all 3 lined up outside next to the garage with a bar of soap and was literally hosing them off. Funny now, but at the time I was flaming mad.:001_smile: Now, the kids thought this was the best and dh still can't understand what he did wrong. Men just think differently and need very specific instructions on what/how things get done. Even my boys are like that now, they will do whatever I ask but a detailed list of what/how must accompany request. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1GirlTwinBoys Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 My DH doesn't see it. He will do anything I ask, but I need to specifically tell him what needs to be done.:001_huh: He prefers me to send him a text or email so he has a "list".:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 If I'm sick or hurt, yes... Otherwise, I shot myself in the foot there already :p He's gotten into so much trouble for not doing things the right way (aka my way) that he doesn't interfere in house issues without my express verbal desire for him to do so :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntPol Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 No he doesn't see it. I put laundry in front of the stairs. He could not get up the stairs without moving it. I was pregnant and on bed rest so he knew I shouldn't carry it upstairs. He kicked it aside every day. He finally took it upstairs when I asked. He says he notices but is waiting for me to ask. Then when I ask, he swears he doesn't notice. If I ask he will say "in a minute" or "I'm taking that work w/ me in the morning" and then never do it/move it or he will call the kids down and have them do it. If he helps at all, he will do things that don't really matter -like the sink is full of dishes and every counter loaded down with his stuff and he will scrub the stove or tighten the door knobs. He procrastinates jobs around the house that fall too. He may mow once a month. Usually he won't do it until the HOA sends us a notice that if it's not mowed, we will be fined. His car looks like a pig sty. His office looks even worse. His business partners are aggravated by him for that reason. He will get a shipment in and put the boxes out in the hall and never move them. He has some that have been in the hall since October. His mother is OCD about a clean house. I had no idea he was like this because we met in the Marines and he had to keep his barracks room clean due to weekly inspections. It is a major riff in our marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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