husbands

[OLG]

In a word, NO. Never. I think it has something to do with that 'Y' chromosome!

[texasmama]

No he doesn't see it. I put laundry in front of the stairs. He could not get up the stairs without moving it. I was pregnant and on bed rest so he knew I shouldn't carry it upstairs. He kicked it aside every day. He finally took it upstairs when I asked. He says he notices but is waiting for me to ask. Then when I ask, he swears he doesn't notice.

 

If I ask he will say "in a minute" or "I'm taking that work w/ me in the morning" and then never do it/move it or he will call the kids down and have them do it. If he helps at all, he will do things that don't really matter -like the sink is full of dishes and every counter loaded down with his stuff and he will scrub the stove or tighten the door knobs.

 

He procrastinates jobs around the house that fall too. He may mow once a month. Usually he won't do it until the HOA sends us a notice that if it's not mowed, we will be fined. His car looks like a pig sty. His office looks even worse. His business partners are aggravated by him for that reason. He will get a shipment in and put the boxes out in the hall and never move them. He has some that have been in the hall since October.

 

All of this sounds eerily familiar. Eerily. Dh got a TV for his bday last June and had to take the doors off of our built in cabinet to fit it in. The doors sat leaned against a wall in our bedroom until this weekend, when I gave up and carried them into the garage. I don't think he noticed that they were there. He has also not noticed that they are gone.

[Renee in NC]

Yes and no here.

 

He sees what needs to be done. But instead of doing it, he gets one of the kids to do it, usually. If I want help, I have to ask for it from him.

 

Mine is kind of like this. Some things he just does - cooking, for example. Other things I have to ask for and many times he'll delegate it to a child. That always irritates me - I tell him if I wanted a child to do it I would have asked the child to do it!:tongue_smilie:

 

He does read with the dc every night and helps with homework. He backs me up when I need help with some of the more intense dc.

 

I won't get upset with him from now on when he doesn't just see what needs to be done and do it - it seems that is pretty normal!:D

[jujsky]

simple question....does your husband see what needs to be done and help you with things around the house...or do you always need to ask for help if you want him to help you with something? Especially if you are sick or hurt?

 

DH will do anything I ask him to do, but most of the time I do have to ask unless I'm sick. If I'm sick he'll do the basic stuff (like dishes and cooking) without being asked.

[SailorMom]

Uh, no. When I'm sick or hurt - well - let's just say his standards are lower and it never bothers him....

He looks around and says, "What? The house is clean...." with a bewildered look on his face.

[Garga]

He sees the superficial stuff: dishes, paper piles, toys on the floor.

 

He wipes his sink and toilet each week.

 

But anything deeper than that, isn't really on his radar. And honestly, I never used to see it either, until I had kids. We lived in a very messy, dusty home until my oldest learned to crawl. Then we had to learn how to clean FAST.

[rafiki]

.

[nukeswife]

Mine will just dive in if he sees something I haven't gotten to yet. In the beginning of the marriage I told him "I don't expect you to do all the cleaning or anything, but if I haven't gotten to something and it bothers you then by all means get up and do it yourself" My dad is one that will sit on the couch and do nothing but complain about things he feels needs to be done, but hell would have to freeze over before he'd get up and do it himself. We're talking little things too, like picking up a paper that has fallen off a table, or putting the cordless phone on the charger. My mom was not a stay at home mom/wife, she has always worked a job with long hours (usually from 7am-6pm, lots of overtime) my dad has always had a job with a straight 8 hours, but for some reason seems to think his "off" time is more precious. I didn't want a husband like that, so I made it clear. I don't mind if he never does anything to help with the housework, as long as he doesn't complain about it not being done yet.

[angela in ohio]

I ask him if I need help. I had a wise woman tell me early on not to play, "If he really loved me, he would be able to read my mind," in my marriage, and it has worked out well.

 

He works very hard to support us, and he gets called round the clock almost for work, so I take care of our home. We decided years ago that I would not have to work outside or from home to provide financial support, so he works harder in that way and I do everything to keep the home. My one request is that he picks up after himself (doens't leave clothing around, puts his dirty dishes in the sink, etc.)

 

He has always been helpful when I am sick or hurt, but I have teen girls now, so he doesn't even really need to do that.

 

I much prefer a dh who needs to be asked to some friends' dhs I know who keep constant tabs or complain about every little thing about the house. I am free to have a busy week academically, and dh just irons his own shirt and steps over the piles of books. :D

[QuirkyKapers]

He helps without being asked. He is also great with the kids routine. In fact, I think he has more of a routine than I do :)

[~Tara~]

For the most part, no, he doesn't see it. Occasionally he'll clean up the kitchen for me without being asked. But other than that, if I need/want help, I have to ask specifically. And then he usually just directs the children. :p

 

But at least he sees my need to have the children away from me. So I can't complain *too* much.

[AngelaNYC]

Yes. He helps with just about everything. He cooks every night, does the laundry on the weekends, drives the kids all over the place - and picks them up, does the dishes, and does the weekly food shopping.

 

On the other hand, he doesn't notice clutter. at. all. :glare:

[May]

I don't expect my dh to help me around the house as in cleaning or cooking. If I asked, I'm sure he would do it. He does take care of all home repairs.

[Mom28kds]

I have to ask for help most of the time. Drives me crazy.

[sewingmama]

I don't have to ask - I have to beg, plead, nag and then yell.:glare:

 

My DH sees things but he won't do anything about it but complain. For eg. the other day the kids covered his bathroom sink and taps in peanut butter while trying to wash their hands. He complained about it but when I went in there 4 days later he hadn't washed it off -now it's dried on solid as a rock and he still uses the sink :ack2:

 

He'll also complain if he doesn't have clean clothes but he won't do the laundry -he just wears dirty underwear and clothes till I do the wash - one time he wore the same top for a week because I just wanted to see how long he would go.

 

He does not help me when I am sick - NEVER. When I was hospitalised with pneumonia for a week the kids were 18 months and 3 months old. He brought the baby in at 10 am (when visiting hours started) dropped him off and picked him up again at 8pm - (when visiting hours finished). Nevermind that I was in isolation and was so sick I could barely move. He wanted to leave the 18 month old as well but I refused on that one - she was a screamer and there isn't anything to do in a tiny, isolated room for that many hours. I was only released from the hospital (because it was 2 days before christmas) under strict instructions to lie on the couch and do nothing for a few weeks. Well the house was so disgusting and unlivable when I got home I feared for my kids safety so I HAD to spend several hours cleaning - DH headed for the bedroom soon as we got home and took a three hour nap -leaving me with the babies to care for as well as the cleaning. He didn't even help me clean the mess HE had made.

 

That says it all really:glare: