Do you serve your dh his plate at mealtime?

[Tiff in TX]

I answered 'yes' because there was no option for 'most of the time'.

 

If dinner isn't brought to the table, I fix everyones plate. If dinner is put on the table DH fixes his plate first. If we have take out, I will fix his plate.

 

This is more of a give and take and I don't mind doing it. I like to fix his plate for him, just like he likes to always be the one to put gas in the car:). We serve each other in the ways that we can.

[momofkhm]

Sometimes I fix his plate. But usually if I'm fixing his plate, I'm fixing everyone's plate. Very rarely do I fix my plate and his plate and no one else's. I do fix just my plate a lot.

[JFSinIL]

Everyone serves themselves. Other than a toddler, I can't imagine someone else deciding how much food I get/have to eat.

 

Yup. The food here is in the kitchen, in the pots/pans in which it was cooked, or on a dish on the counter, and people can come get it to eat or go hungry/make their own food (I have older teens and more often than not they get their own food when they want it).

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

My dh seems to think, with the exception of me, that all wives fix their dh's plates and then serve it to them. Is this true in your household? I told my dh we aren't in the 1950's anymore, women do longer bow down to there husbands. :lol:

 

 

Well, no we aren't in the 1950's, however I have no problem serving up the bacon after my dh brings it home. Honestly, I never consider bringing a plate of food to my dh as "bowing down" but an act of kindness and appreciation for the fact that he provides the food for me to cook.

 

I guess it's how you choose to look at it.

 

BTW, I never have to gas up my car, he takes care of that.

[JenC3]

Sometimes, but not every night.

[Mama Geek]

I voted yes, but it isn't all the time. Sometimes I carry the stuff from the kitchen and sometimes he carries stuff from the kitchen. The thing that he gets a big kick out of is getting breakfast in bed and yes that happens on an occasion.

[RoughCollie]

I wish to add that when we have company, I do put the food in serving dishes on the table.

 

What I think is weird is that DH, every single night of our long, married life, never has a clue what is for dinner. I ask him what he's in the mood for, and he doesn't have a preference. He just comes home and eats what is put in front of him. Same with breakfast, same when I pack his lunches.

 

The first 10 years of our marriage, I didn't know he doesn't like meatloaf. He'd thank me for the meal, as usual, and add that the meatloaf needed a little something. He meant the trashcan ... but for 10 years, I changed that recipe so many times, trying to figure out what the "little something" was that I don't even know my original recipe any more. Now I ask him, "Would you like to have X again?". If he says no, I know he didn't like it.

 

I would not enjoy having someone choose what I eat for every meal, and I prefer to fix my own plate.

Edited September 22, 2010 by RoughCollie

[Carol in Cal.]

This is so funny.

I have never thought of serving someone a filled plate as subservient. Actually, I have viewed it as a bit condescending.

 

When I cook I generally put the food in serving dishes on the table. Sometimes things that are very much easier to serve from the stove are plated up and sent in, but then the other dishes are 'help yourself'.

 

When my DH cooks, he always makes up a full plate for me, and it actually bothers me. He gives me far more food than I would ever take myself, and is pretty disturbed if I don't eat it all. I hate that. But after reading this thread, it occurs to me that he might think he is pampering me when he does that, and that he might feel more love and pampered if I made him up a plate--which I don't MIND doing, but which I've felt is kind of disrespectful/infantilizing. Huh. I have to think about this...it's never occurred to me before.

Edited September 22, 2010 by Carol in Cal.

[mom31257]

I voted no, because most of the time dinner is on the table and we make our plates there. I wish there had been a sometimes, because there have been times I did. When he's watching football on Saturdays (his favorite sport), I've made lunch for him and brought it in to him. I just see it as being loving and caring. He's never "expected" it, and seems really appreciative when I do. He's really not the kind of man to expect me to be subservient, though.

[Wheres Toto]

Nope, in fact Dh serves me every night. He comes home from work, cooks dinner, dishes it out for everyone, cuts up our meat and brings it to the table. It works for us. At this point, he has a pretty good idea how much to serve everybody. The cutting meat started when I was nursing an infant while trying to eat one-handed but continued because we have a very small table and it is better to not have sharp knives within reach of my youngest.

 

This has been our deal as long as we've been married - he cooks, I clean up afterward. And he is the messiest, using more pots and pans cook I've ever seen. I hate to cook, he hates to clean up so this works.

[DarlaS]

I don't put serving bowls on the table except at special meals. That way I don't have to wash the bowls and the pots and pans after dinner. (Even though the kids are supposed to be doing the dishes, they haven't been, so I've been feeding my Kindle with their allowances. Getting paid for housework isn't a bad gig.)

 

 

I don't use serving bowls either. When I do, they look (suspiciously) like mixing bowls. :D

 

One of these days I'll buy a real set of dishes + all the "proper" accessories. (In the meantime, I will confess to putting pots and pans on the table. :leaving:)

[Carol in Cal.]

I don't use serving bowls either. When I do, they look (suspiciously) like mixing bowls. :D

 

One of these days I'll buy a real set of dishes + all the "proper" accessories. (In the meantime, I will confess to putting pots and pans on the table. :leaving:)

 

You know, there's nothing wrong with putting pots on the table, but I have found such cute serving dishes in thrift stores, sometimes some really nice vintage stuff, that I really enjoy putting it out and having everything look kind of pretty. Also, you know what makes inexpensive but attractive serving dishes? White china souffle dishes, and they are very practical to cook in as well because of their straight sides. They go with any old dishes as well.

[TXMomof4]

The only reason I have to vote yes is that we eat before dh gets home most evenings. I want to clean the dishes and can't do that if he doesn't have his food yet. (No, I do not put the food in serving dishes and put it on the table every meal - I serve out of pots/pans, etc). I'll fill him a plate so I can clear up before he gets home.

 

That qualifies as the "other" right?

[Kim in Appalachia]

I think that would drive him nuts. He likes to put what he wants on his plate. The only exception to this is when he works late. I fix a plate and put it in the fridge.

[elegantlion]

Where's the other option? :D Sometimes. If I'm serving from the stove I will, many times we serve buffet style and he'll get his own plate. We don't use serving bowls as we have an eat-in kitchen and our table is small.

[dirty ethel rackham]

We are a "serve yourself" kind of family. If we don't sit down to dinner before ds's online class, I will serve him dinner. If dh is late, I will make a plate for him. Dh is more likely to serve me dinner because I am usually toast by that time of day. Poor man, he married such a wimp.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I'm REALLY surprised about the poll results so far (260some people)! Except when I'm ill or he's being sweet to me or whatever, I serve him (though sometimes the kids do). I don't do quite as much as my mom does, but most meals, coffee, whatever is served to him. I don't consider it subservient at all! He works in one way and I work in another; mine includes serving meals.

 

I would LIKE to be more like a 1950's wife, but I kinda think it's out of my reach considering my limitations.

[DragonflyAcademy]

Hmmm... I always do, and had never even thought twice about it (and I'm definitely not a "1950's wife"). ;)

 

Edited to add: I fix everyone's plates at the stove (for DH, the kids and myself) and then take them to the table. Often, DH will take the plates to the table, so we're really sharing duties. For us, it's a matter of convenience - not "who is serving who". We rarely eat "family style" (where the serving plates are on the table), but when we do, DH fixes his own plate and I just help the kids.

 

this, nearly word for word..

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I voted "no". But, that's because he prefers to do it himself and I don't see me serving him as a problem.

[MamaT]

I shop for it, bring it home, put it away, cook it, dish it up at the stove/counter, bring it to the table and lovingly present it to husband and daughter. But I draw the line there.

 

They clean up the kitchen afterward.

 

I like it that way.

 

Replace the word daughter with children and this is me exactly.

[Cinder]

I voted yes. I usually plate everyone's food in the kitchen. Most of the time I also set it at the table. Dh makes sure the kids set the table and wash up. He also gets my drink. It's our way of serving each other.

 

Cinder

[PinkInTheBlue]

Well, as others have said, sometimes when I've cooked and I'm not lugging all the pots and pans to the table, I'll just go ahead and fix everyone's plates. Very seldom will that include my husband's plate because he knows best how much of what he wants.

 

However, if it weren't that way there is NO WAY I'd ever fix his plate in that 1950's type way. Now my reason is because of the influence of my childhood. My extended family always operated in that way but not out of respect. They were stuck in the mindset that women are the servants and "less than". It wasn't out of love, it was out of superiority and absurdity. The men were the most important people and they get served while everyone else waits. I hated it. It was clear that everyone but men were "less than". I'm "less than" nobody.

 

Now, convenience; I get that. While you are fixing plates and sending them to the table, go ahead and fix them all. If you know how much of what he wants and likes, great. It's completely different.

 

Can you tell I have big issues with this? :) ;)

[Caitilin]

I don't serve dh's plate--I serve ALL the plates, usually. This has more to do with wanting to eat dinner while it's hot (ie. not waiting for 5 kids to serve themselves) than with any ideas of it's being the "right" thing to do for dh. However, he will often serve all the plates too--it's not my province only. We're the adults, and we serve the children.

[runamuk]

I need an "other" option.

 

I usually plate at the stove and will fix everyone's plate. If we're eating family style, then he'll fix his own plate.

[Karen in CO]

We serve at the table.

[Kalypso]

Usually, he fixes mine while I am getting my younger dc's plates ready.

[MomOfOneFunOne]

Well' date=' no we aren't in the 1950's, however I have no problem serving up the bacon after my dh brings it home. Honestly, I never consider bringing a plate of food to my dh as "bowing down" but an act of kindness and appreciation for the fact that he provides the food for me to cook.

 

I guess it's how you choose to look at it.

 

BTW, I never have to gas up my car, he takes care of that.[/quote']

 

Ditto! I can't remember the last time I had to pump gas. I don't think it was in this millennium!

[mycalling]

No. I used to but he never ate it or would eat part of this, none of that, so obviously I wasn't serving the right amounts of things that suited his hunger at that moment. He prefers to get his own plate.

 

We had friends where the man was very cocky about his wife serving him and would comment on me not serving my husband. My DH would laugh and say real men are capable of shoveling food onto a plate for themselves.;) I mean, this man would literally stand over an empty plate in the kitchen and have his wife come back in to fill it for him!:thumbdown:

[phathui5]

Usually.

[TechWife]

Well either I serve everyones food onto their plates in the kitchen, and then everyone carries their plate to the table, or the food goes on the table in the centre and everyone serves themselves. In either case, DH gets treated the same as the rest of the family. So I voted no.

This, exactly. My husband & I share cooking duties, but how we "serve" the food is exactly like this!

[LazyDazy]

Yes, I usually fix his plate while fixing plates for the kids. Not so much to "bow down" to him but, because my hubby tends to skip meals when he's busy. So unless there is a plate of food waiting for him he "forgets" to eat (think: absent minded professor). And because of this nasty little habit he tends to have a hard time keeping weight on (wish I had that problem!). And I pack his lunchbox for him too. ;)

 

I will usually order for him at fast food places too. He couldn't care less which burger he eats!

Edited September 22, 2010 by LazyDazy

[DesertDweller]

I did when the kids were little. Mainly because I was dishing up a plate for the kids and portioning everything out as I served it.

 

Now, it's every man (and woman) for themselves.

 

ETA: He usaully got the drinks. It made everything go quicker.

[May]

I need an "other" option.

 

I usually plate at the stove and will fix everyone's plate. If we're eating family style, then he'll fix his own plate.

 

 

This is how we do it too.

[ConnieB]

Around here if you want to eat you better grab and plate and pony up! Seriously....the kids and I do most of the cooking when DH is at work, on weekends he's typically in the kitchen chopping/grating/stirring something too. We don't do a formal table unless we have company, no sense making more dirty dishes when we can fill our plate from the pot on the stove or the pan from the oven. Keeps the food for seconds warmer too, lol.

 

Who actually dishes it on to the plate depends on who has a free hand...often someone is finishing up salad making and another is bread slicing while someone is getting drinks and another checking that we have napkins, silverware and vitamins on the table, lol. So the main dish is left to someone with no job or if everyone's done than everyone dishes their own.

 

When we have guests we typically put them to work too, lol....though we do usually dish the food into serving bowls and put them on the table more traditionally. But even from the table it's a free for all....pass this or that, grab it on it's way by or you may not get any, lol.

[angela in ohio]

If we're having a quick meal, and I am serving from the stove, I serve up his plate and hand it to him. If we are at a function, I often make up his plate and bring it to him. If we are sitting down with food dishes on the table, he usually scoops/chooses his own food.

 

I don't think this is the mark of a certain kind of marriage or another. I think there are a whole range of things spouses can do for each other. I think it is valuable to be serving each other in various ways, but I think those ways will vary from family to family. In our family, I dish up dh's food among other things, and he does many loving things for me. I guarantee there are things other wives do for their dh that I don't do or may think are unnecessary. If this is something your dh would value, I think you could think of it as one way to love him instead of something demeaning. Or you can explain to him that it is a sensitive issue to you and that you don't want to do it, but point out some other way that you show love to him.

 

I think the sarcasm in this thread is interesting. I bet I could go to everyone's homes and find something they do for their dh and scoff at it as childish. ;) It's important to understand that each family gets to choose how it functions best.

Edited September 22, 2010 by angela in ohio

[lynn]

I never think anything of it. I fix all plates and whoever set the table brings the plates to the table. Seconds, you are on your own. Sometimes I put everything on the table and everyone helps themselves.

[ezrabean2005]

We always put all the food in big bowls and dishes on the table. Generally, I put all the food down by DH. He serves me and serves himself. Then the children will serve themselves (with some coaching: "More Veggies!!"). It never occurred to me that others would do it differently.:001_smile:

[ConnieB]

I mean, this man would literally stand over an empty plate in the kitchen and have his wife come back in to fill it for him!:thumbdown:

 

This would be a very hungry man in our house. :lol:

 

But...hey, if she's willing to do that for him and it works in their house, more power to them. In my house, we both work hard all day....me with the kids, him at his job.....so we both deserve some TLC and I'm VERY grateful that my man sees my work as valuable and exhausting too. It saddens me to see a man who feels just because the woman is home all day she's not as tired as he is at the end of the day.

 

Only time I can think that I've ever purposely served him (as in...sit down dear I'll bring your dinner") is when he's obviously beat or not feeling well (and he does same for me)...or when it's his birthday or some other special occasion and we have a surprise so he's banned from the kitchen. As for seconds....if anyone (even the kids) is heading in for seconds, we always ask "anyone want something"....if it's only one the person already up gets theirs too, if it's more than one it turns more to "well, come on". LOL.

 

But hey....if he REALLY wants a 1950's gal....why not make him feel special one night and do it....send the kids to a friend's for dinner, meet him at the door in pearls and heels. Of course, in my house, my DH would think that meant we were going out.....but instead plant him in a chair with a drink and his slippers, slip into your apron and serve him dinner. Might make for an interesting evening! Then before bed remind him it's almost 2011, and he should stop at your favorite restaurant and get take out for YOU tomorrow, lol.

[Impish]

Unless its an awkward situation (ie, there's no place to put a plate down so I can dish up...and in our incredibly tiny kitchen, it happens) I dish up for everyone.

 

In the situation where I can't put the plate down, Wolf orders me out of the way and takes over, and he dishes up for everyone.

 

Our table is quite small, so bringing serving dishes to it is a rarity.

[ma23peas]

My dh seems to think, with the exception of me, that all wives fix their dh's plates and then serve it to them. Is this true in your household? I told my dh we aren't in the 1950's anymore, women do longer bow down to there husbands. :lol:

 

I think it's all in the spirit of both parties where it matters....I DO fix my husband a plate as I fix all my children a plate (I wish I were as organized and put all food into nice serving dishes, but why dirty up more dishes needlessly, I see it as my contribution to being green)..but they come and pick it up themselves, one child fixes all the waters, the other child puts the forks on the table, and the other child helps get napkins/paper towels if needed...we're messy, what can I say.

 

But if my husband EXPECTED it and then 'demanded' it..I think he's coming from the wrong place....it's a gift I GIVE to my husband by serving him and the kids...I think it takes away from being a gift if it's demanded of me....that's where this message is lost...you no longer see it as a gift b/c he's demanding it, but if he didn't expect it wouldn't you want to bless him by doing that generous favor for him? My husband does so many generous things for me...little things like this remind me of two siblings bickering over whose turn it is to take the trash out...spouses should not behave that way (although we most certainly do at times!) but it all works better if everyone gave a little and expected nothing in return...

 

Tara

[helena]

I do serve my husband's dinner. In fact if my husband cooks, I'll still bring it out to him!!:eek:

I never knew that was supposed to be bad until a friend made a rude remark about it to me.

I didn't grow up with the 50s fantasy, or the Christian woman/man roles. I only learned about the Christian serve your husband thing when I started coming here, (I know all Christians aren't the same).

For us it's more of a cultural norm, I guess. My husband and I are from families that are similar in these ways, (thank goodness :))

I LOVE taking care of my hubby. I also like looking good for him! Oh, the horror!! :D

 

Really, it's the little things that make my husband happy, he looks relaxed and cozy at our table. His work is so awful most of the time, I want him to have peace and comfort at our meal. The girls and I ease his heart with the little things. Why should I mock him or deny him that small comfort?

Edited September 22, 2010 by helena

[tristangrace]

Our dinners are not organized consistently enough for me to answer that question.

[BigMamaBird]

Generally, no. We most often do meals family style so everyone serves themselves. Occasionally I will put together lunches for everyone in the kitchen and take them to the table, but that's for everyone, not just dh.

[coffeegal]

Who's serving up dinner? In my house, dh often serves me... I often serve dh... and we both often serve ourselves. It really depends upon the situation and need. :)

[lionfamily1999]

I usually do, but then I also pack up the leftovers as soon as I have served everyone. There's a combination of reasons... growing up my dad was always served first, but dh wants me to serve the kids first and so we compromise. Then, there's the packing up and putting away. If I put that off it ends up waiting for me in the morning, so I do it as soon as dinner is served. Serving dh means I don't have to wait for him to get around to getting his own plate ;)

[Miss Peregrine]

Kind of off-topic:

 

We usually dish up at the table. I use glass Pyrex and Snapware that have lids as serving dishes. After dinner, put the lid on and put it in the fridge. No extra serving dishes to clean.:)

[Aubrey]

I'd love to vote, but honestly, it's a pretty even split. He's as likely to serve plates as I am, & I think we both see it basically as a chore--iow, not really an "act of service." I mean, we appreciate it, but...I guess we're too informal about it for it to be an act that's *noticed* much, if that makes sense.

[kmacnchs]

Hmmm... I always do, and had never even thought twice about it (and I'm definitely not a "1950's wife"). ;)

 

Edited to add: I fix everyone's plates at the stove (for DH, the kids and myself) and then take them to the table. Often, DH will take the plates to the table, so we're really sharing duties. For us, it's a matter of convenience - not "who is serving who". We rarely eat "family style" (where the serving plates are on the table), but when we do, DH fixes his own plate and I just help the kids.

 

ditto :iagree:

[Embassy]

I think dh usually fixes his own plate. Sometimes I do if he wants me to. I just do what he prefers.

[cjzimmer1]

I serve from the stove because the last thing I want to do is create more dishes by putting it in something else. I also dish and serve my husband and kids. I dish up so I can make sure each person gets a balanced meal. Otherwise hubby with take half the meat a little starch and no veggies. And most of the kids would take all starch and a few bites of meat and no veggies. So, if I dish I can make sure everyone gets a reasonable amount of each. Then I serve the plates, because I'm the only one who seems to be able to figure out that the plate with the most food is for my husband and the little tiny saucer is for the toddler and the plates with some amount of food in between correlates to the size of the child.

 

I also serve any seconds because I need to save enough at a minimum for my husband's lunch the next day and I frequently have other plans for leftovers (roast meat for example would get used in future meals). So by my doing the serve I can control how much food gets eaten at that meal and how much is saved for something else. My food budget doesn't allow for free-for-alls.