s/o How many of you grew up without structured (and pricey) extra-curriculars?

[Jane in NC]

As my son prepares to go off to college in the fall, I find myself reflecting over numerous things in his life. He played one pricey sport for a few years--hockey. Unlike most kids who grow up playing it, he picked it up at age 12. He played recreationally, not competitively. The latter would have been much more expensive because of travel. He loved it but then he was ready to leave it behind to focus on his dual enrollment courses. It was interesting though that so many parents could not grasp my son's satisfaction with recreational play. They wanted their kids on travel teams. Maybe the kids wanted to be on travel teams, too. I really don't know.

 

In retrospect, I don't think that he will think back to all those Saturday soccer games with warm and fuzzy memories. I wonder if he would have enjoyed them if they had been pick up games, like the pick up baseball games that the boys on my street growing up used to play. (Everyone knew not to park their vehicles on the street because the boys literally took it over.)

 

In the winter, we went sledding after school. (I obviously did not grow up in NC!) There were no parents driving us or supervising us. Whoever showed up in the neighborhood showed up.

 

Last summer, I wondered where in the world the teenaged girls were when I saw my son and a large pack of teen boys playing Capture the Flag on the beach as the sun was setting. There were some parents there because we had ordered pizza. But we did not organize the game. It was just a bunch of boys who organized themselves, the way they also organize their Ultimate Frisbee games (although the girls usually join them for those).

 

Wouldn't it be nice if kids could return to these unstructured and inexpensive activities? Or am I just a romantic, thinking that life can be simpler?

 

My parents did pay for some lessons for me. Sewing and guitar when younger. I was involved in theater throughout high school so I needed transportation but there were no costs. Did these organized activities enter the front when people moved out of cities and into suburbs? I just do not remember parents toting their kids about like they do now.

[cdrumm4448]

I didn't do anything organized as a child other than 1 day of swimming lessons (I refused to go back because I was terrified of the water) and one ballet class. I also played the piano for three years when I was around 12. That's it. We didn't have the money for a lot of activities, and during the 70s there just wasn't as much available.

 

My kids play the violin (two lessons a week), dd dances (one time a week), and they both participate in sports (basketball and baseball for both, football for ds) during the appropriate months. That keeps me hopping as it is. I wouldn't want to add anything else.

 

One of the homeschooling families I know does dance (9 classes a week), ice skating (both competitively also), as well as cheerleading. I have no idea how they fit it all in!

[BikeBookBread]

Only extras I did were piano lessons for 4 years (4th - 8th grade) and swimming lessons for 3 summers: post pre-school, post-kinder and post-1st. I did one year of Bluebirds (old Camp Fire Girls club for 2nd grade girls). I was in track in high school, and did 1 year of cheerleading in 10th grade. I was in choir for 4 years of high school with choir tours those years, and I was in the "elite" :lol: small vocal ensemble in high school. So I guess I was pretty structured. However, I do not feel like my growing up was that structured, especially in grade school and junior high.

[Kim in Appalachia]

and I've also thought about if it was worth it. Before we started the swimming I did ask around. I asked adults who had done competitive (pricey) sports if they thought it was worth it. After all they weren't doing the sport now, so maybe they viewed it as a waste of time and resources. But everyone I asked said it was worth it. They did have fond memories and felt it added a lot to them as a person as well as a student.

 

There was one woman in particular, who I met one week when I had had it. I was quitting and I didn't care. She was at our home for a dinner. She had seen the kids swim stuff and just smiled. She went on and on how wonderful swimming was, how much she and her sister had loved it, how much she admired her mom for sacrificing so much so they could swim, and how much it helped her in academics (she is a physician).

 

My kids just sat there and smiled, and I decided to stick with it. I do think it's worth it. I guess it can be over done, but for our family it's been worth it.

 

ETA: I did not grow up with a lot of pricey extras and I think one of the results is that I never learned to push myself beyond what is easy. That is a bit of an excuse, but I do see a difference between kids who pursue instruments (more than 2 to 3 years) and compete in sports and those who don't. Of course there kids who work hard who haven't done those things, but I think the discipline learned has been very valuable.

Edited June 3, 2010 by Kim in Appalachia
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[WeeBeaks]

I can't recall doing anything that had a cost associated or any formal classes. I hung out with the kids in the neighborhood, and that was it. I can't honestly say I feel like I missed out.

[joannqn]

My parents did not give me the opportunity to take any extracurricular activities, and I always resented it. I envied the girls in Girl Scouts on the days they wore their uniforms to school. When I was 5, I asked for a piano and lessons; they bought me a guitar and a book. I've never given up on learning to play the piano some day.

 

So, I try to give my kids opportunities when they really want them, but a limited amount. DD doesn't commit to things so I'm more hesitant to spend time and money on her. DS, on the other hand, is very committed so I feel that the time and money spent is well spent. He's been in taekwondo for 2 1/2 years, going between 8-10 hours a week. He's currently stuck at 3 hours a week due to changing schools and their rules. He wants to earn his black belt and become an instructor. If he continues being this dedicated, we will steer his high school towards entrepreneur/business prep and help him start his own school. College prep won't be abandoned, it'll just be more tailored to learning to run a business.

 

The fact that we live in an urban environment affects this also. It just isn't all that safe to let them walk to the park or library alone like I used to.

[fairfarmhand]

dh had NO extras at all growing up. He won a full scholarship to engineering school however, so all was not lost.

 

Today, I'd consider him very well rounded...in addition to working as an engineer, he runs our family farm, and has been taking a painting class with me.

 

I tease him that he is the worlds only engineering, painting, farmer.

 

I played basketball, volleyball, softball, and cheered during high school. While I had a blast doing it, none of those skills have followed me into my adult life.

[Just Robyn]

I did some stuff in elementary school - ballet, piano, soccer (1 year), swimming lessons, but nothing after that. For piano I participated in some contests, but everything else was relaxed. After elementary school I was in some school plays that could be considered extra-curricular, but that's it. I do wish I had been given more motivation to stick with piano.

[HRAAB]

I had piano lessons from 4th through 9th gr., dance lessons in elementary school and swimming lessons in the summer for a few years. Most of my friends didn't take any more extra-curricular lessons than I did. I'm thankful I can read music and play the piano, but I don't feel bad that I didn't have more outside activities. I had a lot of fun as a kid.

[NavyWifeandMommy]

I wasn't able to play sports and stuff as a kid due to money. Hubby grew up playing sports. He wants our children to try out all the sports and see which ones they like the best. Where we are currently living 85% of school age kids are taking some sort of after school club or sport. No one is home and this makes it difficult. So I suck it up and shell out the almost $150 a sport not including the equitment needs for my children to be in these activities.

[Jane in NC]

When I was 5, I asked for a piano and lessons; they bought me a guitar and a book. I've never given up on learning to play the piano some day.

 

 

 

Don't give up, JoAnn! I began studying piano around my 40th birthday.

[Parrothead]

I would love let dd hang out with the kids in the neighborhood. Unfortunately for the last 3 years we have not lived in a neighborhood with kids.

 

Since she is an only child there are no built in playmates so every play time has to be a date. I have to take her to her friend's or her friend has to be driven here when it is convenient for her parents.

 

If we did not do dance (3 classes) and karate there quite possibly would be up to 5 days in a row where dd was not with another child in any way.

 

So I shell out the cash and my afternoons are taken over by lessons. During the school year dd was only free on Tuesdays and Saturdays.

[melissel]

When I was 5, I asked for a piano and lessons; they bought me a guitar and a book. I've never given up on learning to play the piano some day.

 

What?! Why on earth? :( :grouphug:

 

 

As for the original question, I had no structured activities at all. I just hung around with the neighborhood kids. That was partly because both my parents worked and partly because they just didn't care to do that kind of thing. They really have no friends outside of the family, no hobbies or activities. I didn't mind so much then (though I really wanted to be in Girl Scouts too, Joanne, and I do remember feeling sad about that), but now I feel the lack of it. I never acquired any outside skills or hobbies--I can't play a sport or an instrument, I'm not comfortable participating in groups or learning anything new...my world was pretty small.

 

I definitely don't think you need to give your kids structured activities to avoid feeling the way I do, but it does make it easier. I'm comfortable spending money (to a certain degree) to give my kids opportunities to explore their interests. Thankfully, HSing makes that easier! We've taken inexpensive art and soccer lessons through local HS groups, and hope to do more in the future. Ballet for DD4, on the other hand...we may have to take out a second mortgage for that :001_huh:

 

And while I'm sure some neighborhoods might still have the kind of dynamic you described, I think it's growing increasingly rare. Our own neighborhood only has a few kids in it. They all go to PS, and most of their moms work, so they're not home until dinnertime anyway. There's no real opportunity for the kids to just get together and hang out. I'd be happy with that, but even then, I'd still want to give my kids opportunities to explore specific skills and interests that I couldn't offer them.

 

That's probably clear as mud :lol:

[Tap]

I wasn't allowed to do any ex-cur activities. I asked to do Glee Club in jr high but my parents didn't want to pay for the uniform ($100 range then so maybe $200 now). It was similar to the cheerleader uniforms but not as short, so it wasn't like it was just overpriced sweats.

 

I was allowed to take a couple gymnastics lessons. I figure it must have been a promo class, as when it was time to sign up, my parents refused. (Then why let me try it?!?)

 

 

I didn't learn to swim until my sister taught me. She could only doggie paddle at the time 16yo, and went to the pool with a full heavy face make up and curled hair. Needless to say, she didn't really get wet in the pool. I remember her teaching me in the shallow end, and refusing to go over 3-4 feet deep.....I taught myself to swim the rest of the way.

[Wendi]

I did a few things. In early elementary school, I took a few years of dance. Then I was in Indian Princesses with my dad (maybe just one year). Then a couple years of Girl Scouts. My brother did Little League all the way through junior high.

 

In high school, I did lots of extracurricular activities through my school, none of which were expensive. (Most were free.)

 

Wendi

[QueenCat]

My sister ice skated competitively, and I did synchronized swimming. Both were a bit pricey at that time. We both did swim team in the summer, my mom says that didn't cost much. And Girl Scouts. Some ballet and gymnastics but those were different back then.

[Nakia]

I played softball for a couple of years in elementary school, and that's it. My parents just couldn't afford much with five kids.

[KrissiK]

Well, when I was a kid (in the 70's) life was a lot different than it was now. Our life centered around our church. Not in a bad way - we didn't belong to a cult or anything, but we went to church on Sundays, we had Pioneer Clubs and children's choir on Wednesday nights, all my friends were from church. I don't remember sports being as big as it is now, although I was pretty clueless as a child, so maybe everyone else was in soccer and t-ball and I just wasn't, but I didn't know about it. I took piano lessons, for which I am forever grateful and that was about it. I felt I lead a pretty full and satisfying life, but not overly busy. I had a lot of free time and loved it.

[Dmmetler]

I was a pretty serious music student early, although I started in church choir and school classes, by middle/high school I was taking 2-3 private lessons and playing in multiple extracurricular groups and by high school was attending full-summer camps in music at a cost of several thousand dollars a summer even back then, playing in college performing groups, and taking private lessons and theory classes at the college. It actually was a financial gain to my family when I went to college (admittedly, I DID have a scholarship) because they were no longer paying for music.

 

I also participated in, at various times, ballet, competitive swimming, gymnastics, girl scouts and Karate, but in general they got dropped when music became more important to me.

 

---

 

One other thought-when I was my DD's age, I had school from 8:45-3:15. That's one BIG structured activity!

Edited June 3, 2010 by Dmmetler2

[Ellie]

I never had a single extra-curricular activity in my whole entire life, except for one year of Brownies.

[Mynyel]

I can't recall doing anything that had a cost associated or any formal classes. I hung out with the kids in the neighborhood, and that was it. I can't honestly say I feel like I missed out.

 

 

:iagree:

 

My sisters were in softball and I do have fond memories of going to the games they played but it wasn't all the time. I didn't play because I was to old to join, not to mention I was a bit disconcerted about a ball being thrown at me. I would have been 13 when I joined and I would have played only one year. 14 was the cut off age. So I nixed it and just enjoyed cheering my sisters on.

[MIch elle]

It's get on the bandwagon or sit home alone which we did/do a lot of.

 

TracyR is right - everyone is too busy to play or socialize. :sad:

Edited June 4, 2010 by MIch elle

[Mejane]

I'm not now, nor have I ever been, a 'joiner'. I've always only wanted to be left alone to read. Good thing, because my parents couldn't have afforded "extras." My brothers were involved in school sports and Little League. We camped with our grandparents, swam in our pool, and rode bikes and played with the neighborhood kids. Would that it were still that way.

Edited June 3, 2010 by Mejane

[MIch elle]

Don't give up, JoAnn! I began studying piano around my 40th birthday.

 

 

:)

Edited June 4, 2010 by MIch elle

[Jen in PA]

My parents (yes, my mom and stepdad!) were Girl Scout leaders. So we were very involved in scouting, and didn't do many other activities. I had violin and french horn lessons for free through the schools, and borrowed instruments, so that was totally free. I took a year of piano in high school, but it was dirt cheap through a friend. I always felt like we had plenty to do, but the second we asked to do something that cost anything we were told no. By the time I started junior high I joined every free extracurricular activity that I could squeeze in. My grandparents did end up paying for some outside classes that I wanted to take in 8th and 9th grade, otherwise they wouldn't have happened.

[JudoMom]

I played t-ball & then softball from the age of 4/5 through 8th grade. I also played a few seasons of basketball and a few seasons of soccer. I took swimming lessons for 2 (?) summers. I tried gymnastics briefly, and dance even more briefly, and there was the ill-fated time I was a cheerleader in 5th grade (let's just say these three sports didn't match my natural skill set :lol:). Oh, yeah...I remember being Brownie for a year or two. However, I still had plenty of time to just goof around and play pickup games of baseball in the cul-de-sac a block away, or ride my bike to the park with friends, or rollerblade around the neighborhood.

 

My boys take piano, public speaking, and Judo.

 

We've purposefully not gotten involved in other sports because we don't want to run around that much. The activities we do, we can all do at the same time, (and they happen to fall on the same two days of the week, so we only lose 2 evenings). I do feel a bit guilty at times, though, because I know how much I loved the organized sports I played. But I remind myself that I grew up in a different family (my brother didn't enjoy sports like I did, so I was the only one who needed to get to practices), and dh grew up in a different family (he played Little League, and enjoyed it, but he was essentially an only child growing up--his siblings are 9-20 years older than he is). I want my boys to have the unstructured free time to play and invent and explore like I had, and that wouldn't be possible if we did organized sports. Of course, they used the time yesterday to build their own "Wipeout" course, so maybe the time would be better spent in something organized :lol:.

Edited June 3, 2010 by JudoMom

[newbie]

We did stuff til my parents divorced and poof it was gone.

 

I had piano lessons and typing lessons. Oh yeah, how could I forget dance.

[abbeyej]

I had several activities at different times and have extremely fond memories of most of them. Yes, I also have fond memories of free play with friends and neighbors. But I wouldn't give up the former for more of the latter.

[mcconnellboys]

Yes, I think busy city life and to some extent keeping up with the Joneses plays a large part in this. My older son has been finding pickup games of various sorts ever since his swim ended. I'm glad to see that he recognizes he needs to keep up his physical activity level and hope that he'll continue this when he goes off to college (because I think he's pretty much decided that he will not swim there). I believe free play is important and does more for the mind than a constant round of organized classes, where someone else is always in charge and directing things.

 

If his leisure indoor soccer team can't manage to have enough shin guards to share amongst themselves, refrain from kicking the ball so high that it hits the ceiling fans, etc., then they can't play. There are some things that kids just need to work out for themselves, LOL...... If he and his friends can't play basketball outside without tackling and hurting each other, getting mad, etc. every time they play, then they'll need to either modify this activity or just do something else.

 

Free play used to provide kids with leadership and interpersonal relationship skills work on a daily basis. Now kids sit and interact with electronic screens and have no idea how to even talk to each other.....

 

Yes, I'd like to see a return to daily interaction with others and problem solving through free play. I think it would help kids greatly. I think it might be one reason college professors are seeing more and more kids who just cannot make connections and understand interrelationships; instead just memorizing and spouting facts that mean nothing to them.

 

Have you seen the news reporting on teaching kids their lessons through rap music? Great. There have already been ample studies that show memorizing to music puts info into different areas of the brain than other forms of memory work; that said info will have to be sung forever more to be recalled; that said info will be forgotten much more quickly. So now we'll learn everything through music and do well on the test, then forget it all......

[Jane in NC]

 

It's get on the bandwagon or sit home alone which we did/do a lot of.

 

TracyR is right - everyone is too busy to play or socialize. :sad:

 

Since you called me a dreamer, I have to respond. ;)

 

My son had neighborhood friends when he was younger. But once the kids hit middle school and high school, it seems that the timing of extracurriculars presented a new set of issues. One of my son's buddies could not get together in the fall because of the conflict with football. Another could not hang out during the winter because of the conflict with basketball. How nice when he and a friend went off the other day to see a movie and play Frisbee golf. But a car was needed for the endeavor. How many activities are there to which kids can walk or bike?

 

One thing that is available in my community are tennis courts. But so many kids think they have to be stellar players. What is wrong with just volleying the ball around and then riding a bike over to Dairy Queen? It is as though some kids feel they cannot play (fill in the blank) unless they have had lessons, coaching and are certified in some way.

 

Sigh. I just want kids to get out of the house for physical activity that does not cost an arm and a leg.

 

Yeah, I am a dreamer...

 

Jane

[Heather in Neverland]

The only extra-curricular type thing I did was cheerleading and that was free and through the school. But not many of my friends did anything other than school-sponsored clubs or sports either. It just wasn't the norm. I had one friend who took dance lessons but that was about it.

[Laurie4b]

The emphasis on structured, extra-curricular activities coincided with more women working, imo. As women were out of the house more, kids weren't at home roaming the neighborhood, pulling together something to do on their own. I did a lot of that, but also had some outside activities, but not a lot at once.

 

I was involved in Brownies and Girl Scouts and enjoyed them. Went to Girl Scout camp for one session, two summers.

I took piano lessons for 5 years (total waste of money. I have no talent at all!) This overlapped Girl Scouts and sports.

Painting lessons for a couple sessions (good investment of money. That's where I have some ability.)

Swimming lessons. We went to a swim club, but I later took lessons at a place focused on competitive swimming.

 

I played 3 sports in public school. Free

Bible studies (my choice to join group; parents were not Christians) Free

[gingersmom]

When I was young I did swimming, gymnastics and the occasional art class.

 

There was no way I could have been on a competitive travel team because their was no way my parents would have dedicated the time (money was not the issue) to taking me to events, etc.

 

I think that is why I give 10000% to my daughters ice skating.

 

I get up before the sun rises to take her to practice and spend several months driving her from competition to competition (many overnights or multi-night overnights).

 

I signed my kids up for music lessons (again, a no go for me as a child), encourage them to practice (my mother said I was too noisy) and sign them up for recitals.

 

I don't think that all organized activities are bad and all unstructured play is good.

 

My daughter has grown so much as a person, made amazing friends and learned so much more than ice skating from her participation in a travel team.

[Jane in NC]

 

Free play used to provide kids with leadership and interpersonal relationship skills work on a daily basis. Now kids sit and interact with electronic screens and have no idea how to even talk to each other.....

 

 

 

This reminds me that one of the churches in my hometown encouraged roller hockey players to use their parking lot. They had pick up games going all summer long, keeping a group of teens occupied in physical activity.

 

If communities are not doing it, maybe it is time for churches to install basketball hoops in their parking lots...

[justamouse]

I never did expensive competitive sports, BUT my mom paid for private art lessons.

 

If my kid shows s/he is bending that way, I will pay, but I don't think that it makes or breaks a school experience.

[FeFe]

They finally let me cheer for 2 seasons on a rec league. By the time I did it I was 8th/9th grade. That was as high as the rec teams went. I didn't want the drama or the work of the high school team so that was it for me.

 

I really wish my parents would have let me try other things well before that age. I think I would have benefited from it.

[Danestress]

I took piano lessons but didn't like sports anyway. My parents let me do some academic "extras" that I enjoyed, and they sacrificed a lot to send me to private schools.

 

I think that for the most part, I want my kids to drive the boat on this one. I had one child who was a "go to my room and read or hang out building forts with the neighbors" kind of kid. That was easy and inexpensive.

 

Then I gave birth to two boys who were filling out goal sheets on the maternity ward. I don't know why they are this way, but they are. They want to be really good at the things they do - not all of them, but the ones they care about. They are very grateful for the carting around I do. At 12, they both thank me for every single ride, every piece of equipment, every gatorade or sandwich on the way home. So I tell them that as long as they are willing to work hard for their sports and are pleasant and respectful, I am willing to work hard to help them.

 

It bothers people, though. I know that. I read comments here all the time that are vaguely insulting about parents who have their children in intense activities. Friends feel pushed aside. My sisters feel badly sometimes that we don't get together on the weekends as much as we used to.

 

But you know what? I do what is right for my children. It's really not my choice of lifestyles. I'm a homebody, and I am mildly physically lazy, even though I was academically driven. I would absolutely love to just stay home. I didn't have children, though, so that I could do whatever I wanted. It's a real joy to see someone be truly good at something. I think about the scene in Chariots of Fire when Eric Lindell said that when he runs, he feels God's pleasure. I don't know why God made him want to run. Running for competition is a "waste of time" in some people's book. His sister wanted him to focus on missions, which we all know he eventually did. But God made him fast and he felt God's pleasure in running. I'm not saying that my children have that same kind of talent, but I do believe he gave them the desire and competency, and it's a joy as a parent to see them gain skills and confidence.

 

But if they didn't want to, there is NO WAY I would make them. No sir. We do this because they want to, and they have to work for it and make sacrifices for it.

Edited June 4, 2010 by Danestress

[chrfath]

We had one car and money was always tight. So, I didn't do anything not even stuff through school.

[Karen in CO]

I was in Girl Scouts for a few years, but that was all. I don't think I even knew anybody who played organized sports or had dance lessons. My parents sent us to private school to get us away from the bad schools in the poor district we lived in. The only people I ever played with were my cousins, but I was related to most everybody in town. Goodness, can you guess that I'm from a small Southern town?

 

Anyway. My hubby grew up military and was never in any organized things either. He and I go back and forth with this. He feels that we should put this girls in "things." I think we shouldn't structure their free time with "things." He wants them in karate, piano, voice lessons, violin, dance, art, soccer, basketball, swimming, and summer camps so they can have every opportunity that he never had.

 

I tell him that they are happy. We have compromised. They take art lessons once a week for six weeks three times a year, go to zoo camp for two weeks in the summer, and the older dd is starting fencing this summer.

 

It is much more than we ever had, but isn't all the time. It is the compromise that works for us.

[fivetails]

I was in Brownies & Girl Guides, swimming lessons (they were colours back then, instead of numbered levels - anyone remember that?) and a bit of gymnastics (not for long, I didn't like it)... I played basketball for one year in junior high, but that was a school activity, not community.

 

Our kids have gone back and forth from having super busy times to periods of no activities... just depends on their interests, our finances, and the available activities. :)

[Photo Ninja]

I wasn't allowed to do extra curricular activities. I was the typical latchkey kid who at age 8 had to walk my 6 yo brother home and watch him until a parent got home from work. My mother repeatedly told me that it was not fair for me to ask to play after school sports (free) or have music lessons (school related, free instruction and instruments) because it was not fair for my brother to have to wait for me once a week. I countered that it was not fair not to let me do it just because he didn't want to wait, but that didn't go over well. Anyway, as I got older my parents wouldn't allow me to to anything that would cost them money (most lessons did) or would require them to drive me there or pick me up. I also had to watch my brother after school and make dinner on the nights my mother worked, so nothing I wanted to do could interfere with that, either.

 

Anyway, I longed for violin lessons (free through the school) and dance lessons (my mother told me that 10 yo was too old to learn how to dance and be able to 'do anything with it' later and she didn't want to waste her time driving me there) and art lessons (I was told if I couldn't already draw, it was not worth any money for me to learn how - illogical, but that was the reason), or to play sports at school. Well, in 6th grade my mother finally relented and allowed me to be on the school volleyball team, free and after school. I was the only one on the team who never had a parent come watch a single game. My mother told me it would just embarrass her if she came because I couldn't possibly be any good at volleyball because I wasn't athletic and that if the coach let me play it would only be because she pitied me or because our team was already winning by so much that she knew I couldn't possibly make us lose. By the end of the season I had heard so many discouraging comments that I decided I would never play any other sport, even though I played at least half of every game, and scored points. The coach told me I was good and should keep playing throughout middle and high school. But I got no support from home, so never did.

 

Anyway, my dh took music lessons and played every sport the schools offered throughout middle and high school, was a Boy Scout (Life Scout), and did lots of other activities.

 

Based on my disappointment (probably some resentment, too) at never being able to participate in any extra curriculars, I wanted my dc to have the opportunity to develop a skill they enjoyed. So my dc played soccer and swam competitively, eventually choosing just swimming, and another performed in theater (incredible time commitment when there were 6-7 shows per week for 6-10 weeks, after nearly daily rehearsals for 2-3 weeks). Dh and I committed to encouraging them in their interest areas, something he had growing up, and I did not. We knew that our dc would benefit from increasing their skill in areas they enjoyed, even if they didn't get college scholarships, which was something it seemed many people planned for their dc. We still had plenty of time at home, and they hung out with friends.

 

I do want to say that since my dc are now in college, two have benefited from their sports background because they are both working in the sport, one coaching summer rec and USS swim teams, pursuing an Athletic Training major, and the other working as a swim instructor in a swim club to help earn money to pay for college. My ds (the performer) is pursuing a digital media degree, editing emphasis, and has had a paid job filming and editing, for a few years. I can see how what they participated in as extra curricular activity in their interest areas while growing up still has a lasting impact on who they are and what they do today.

[Nicole M]

The emphasis on structured, extra-curricular activities coincided with more women working, imo. As women were out of the house more, kids weren't at home roaming the neighborhood, pulling together something to do on their own. I did a lot of that, but also had some outside activities, but not a lot at once.

 

 

Ding, ding! I know a few moms who seem at a loss with what to do with their children at home, and also feel guilty about working, so they sign their kids up for everything. That must be an exhausting way to live.

 

My mother did not work, and although my step-mother wasn't employed, she worked constantly as a volunteer, on the board of directors for the National Girl Scout council, for example, as well as other big organizations. I had tons of outside activities, but I think that was partly because my step-mother recognized that I was depressed and needed to get engaged with the world. I took ballet classes, which were invaluable to me, music lessons, and was involved in school plays, orchestra, synchronized swimming one summer. Oh, and I also rode my bike all over the city in my free time, with friends.

 

It's funny you should ask this today, Jane. I painted the kitchen this week (which was fun until the men started helping ;)) and was just thinking this morning, as I was putting the kitchen back together that I wish I'd had fewer activities outside the home, or that I had at least been around the house more to learn basic skills in managing a household, cooking, etc. I had to figure all that stuff out on my own, reading, after I graduated, and it was, quite honestly, overwhelming. Now, twenty years later, it seems like a no-brainer, where to store things in the kitchen, which items are necessary and which are not, but as a young woman, who "inherited" a lot of junk... ooops, I mean valuable family heirlooms... I was flummoxed. I spent many years drowning in things.

 

Though, reading that it sounds like I'm whining. I don't regret my outside activities at all, really, and I know I was privileged. I guess I think that it's complicated, the whole question about outside activities, what motivates families to pursue so many, etc. My children have quite a few, mostly arts related, but we live in a community where I feel it would be criminal not to take advantage of those opportunities, especially since my oldest especially is passionate about music.

[Shelly in the Country]

I had 2 years of piano lessons, one year of Brownies (hated it, so I quit), and one year of AWANA spread across my childhood. I didn't feel deprived in the least. I had more time for reading.

[Impish]

Played a year of t ball, and had a year of ballet...both as physio from snapping my femur. I also had swimming lessons, and Brownies/Guides.

 

Swimming and Guides was my responsibility to get there and to...my parents weren't interested in watching or participating.

 

I wouldn't have been enrolled in Guides if it wasn't for the two week camping trips available.

[lauracolumbus]

Since you called me a dreamer, I have to respond. ;)

 

My son had neighborhood friends when he was younger. But once the kids hit middle school and high school, it seems that the timing of extracurriculars presented a new set of issues. One of my son's buddies could not get together in the fall because of the conflict with football. Another could not hang out during the winter because of the conflict with basketball. How nice when he and a friend went off the other day to see a movie and play Frisbee golf. But a car was needed for the endeavor. How many activities are there to which kids can walk or bike?

 

One thing that is available in my community are tennis courts. But so many kids think they have to be stellar players. What is wrong with just volleying the ball around and then riding a bike over to Dairy Queen? It is as though some kids feel they cannot play (fill in the blank) unless they have had lessons, coaching and are certified in some way.

 

Sigh. I just want kids to get out of the house for physical activity that does not cost an arm and a leg.

 

Yeah, I am a dreamer...

 

Jane

 

This is still alive in my neck of the woods. My kids have great neighborhood friends and spend lots of time outdoors playing store, drawing w/sidewalk chalk, playing w/squirt guns, etc. It slows down quite a bit in the winter, but they do go sledding to a local molehill. However, they are also involved in a lot of extra-curricular sports/activities. As are their friends. Right now, we do martial arts (I view as a life-saving skill), fencing, choir, Scouts, and 4H. Most are relatively cheap. We stopped football and volleyball this year b/c they were not worth the return on our time investment. We'll probably resume again next year. I let them do more as homeschooled kids b/c they have more time and don't have to get up early.

 

When I was a kid, we lived in the middle of the sticks. There were a few boys around, but no girls. I was bored out of my mind, but at least turned to books for entertainment. I was blessed to have a bookmobile come to our little burg. By high school though, I was able to participate in sports and am grateful for that.

 

Laura

Edited June 4, 2010 by lauracolumbus

[elegantlion]

We had no extras. We did plays and band in junior high, but in high school we were too far away to participate since my dad worked 2nd shift and mom didn't drive. I hated begging for rides. As far as extras, nada, zilch, zero. I would have loved to take music lessons and when we inherited a piano I taught myself to play.

 

We had a ton of kids in the neighborhood, at least 20-25 and we all played together until junior high and high school. Dh had the same dynamic and still doesn't get why kids in the neighborhood don't play with each other anymore.

[LibraryLover]

My fondest extra was Girls Scouts (we lived in a depressed city at the time, so I know it was not costly. Most of the girls were poor to lower middle class). I was a Cadette, even. lol Don't laugh. I loved girl Scouts. Everything, even selling cookies. The trips, camping...the singing and s'mores. ;) I also danced (probaby the most costly activity with costumes, shoes etc), and was on a swim team (free, through school). I enjoyed the activities. I remember having lots of time to play and run around the nieghborhood (lots of kids outside back then).

 

I try to offer my kids a balance of formal lessons that interest them (art, ballet, music--we've never done scouts for some reason), and lots of down time to dream and be. My kids only do those activities they want to do. I have amazing memories of playing in my neighbor's garden and helping her weed and water. I have included in my own gardens those flowers and herbs that were a part of my childhood. Certain garden scents move and comfort me to this day. Of course, I also love the smell of chlorinated pools ;), and certain flower arrangements (my mother always gave us flowers after our dance recitals, and we felt very grown up).

 

If I had not had these things, I doubt I would have missed them. I wouldn't have known, and I would have different childhood memories.

Edited June 4, 2010 by LibraryLover

[LibraryLover]

We live in an area where the kids can ride bikes to the beach, ice cream stands, library etc. We specifically bought here because of this. Of course, if you most of you saw our mortgage, you would think us nuts, and you would be right. (A long layoff and we could be a NYT article. ;)) We are suckers this way. lol

 

Of course, my kids end up playing with public school kids...our neighborhood really does have a 'nice' school and we don't have any hsing friends in our neighborhood, although there are many hsers in the area. We've been very lucky with the schooled kids accepting our hsers.

 

 

 

 

 

This is still alive in my neck of the woods. My kids have great neighborhood friends and spend lots of time outdoors playing store, drawing w/sidewalk chalk, playing w/squirt guns, etc. It slows down quite a bit in the winter, but they do go sledding to a local molehill. However, they are also involved in a lot of extra-curricular sports/activities. As are there friends. Right now, we do martial arts (I view as a life-saving skill), fencing, choir, Scouts, and 4H. Most are relatively cheap. We stopped football and volleyball this year b/c they were not worth the return on our time investment. We'll probably resume again next year. I let them do more as homeschooled kids b/c they have more time and don't have to get up early.

 

When I was a kid, we lived in the middle of the sticks. There were a few boys around, but no girls. I was bored out of my mind, but at least turned to books for entertainment. I was blessed to have a bookmobile come to our little burg. By high school though, I was able to participate in sports and am grateful for that.

 

Laura

[EKS]

I played softball in a park league for a few years. I'm sure my mother spent very little on it. I remember an art class at the park once. As a teenager I did things with the Y and took guitar lessons. But that's about it. I entertained myself after school and on the weekends. I was an only child. I never remember being lonely or bored. Of course I can't remember what I did yesterday either, so maybe I'm not the most reliable witness...

[Peela]

The private school I went to have instruments as an elective, so I did piano and theory within the school. When I went to a public school later, my mum drove me to piano and guitar lessons for a little while.

My son has a great suburban stress situation and we wont move from here mainly because of it, for now. Every afternoon and weekend he plays with other boys out on the street. Another family has virtually adopted him and he frequently eats and is taken places with the family. It has meant he doesnt want to do as many extra curriculars as his sister who doesnt have local friends.

 

I think the media has a lot to answer for. Yes, bad things happen, but parents are frequently terrified of letting their kids roam free in the neighbourhood or even play on the street. Could be more traffic too. In Australia, we grew up with cricket rather than baseball and you still see it sometimes- kids on the street, ducking out of the way when you drive toward them, closing back behind the car as they quickly put the stumps back and set up again.

 

Electronic games have also taken a lot of kids to a "safer" indoors, off the streets.

 

Times change, but they do have a way of swinging back.