s/o How many of you grew up without structured (and pricey) extra-curriculars?

[Soror]

I always joke that my parents are hermits, although it is slightly true. We were allowed and strongly encouraged to do school sports. Problem was in a small town that meant the options were softball and basketball, nothing else. I am not gifted in the least in either and in fact pretty horrible. I did cheerleading for a few games but had to quit because I was too shy it was painful to think of having to get in front of others. My one year of basketball the coach wanted to put me in for 1 game(as we were really ahead) I begged to be kept on the bench. I did Girl Scouts for a short bit, not sure what happened to that.

 

We didn't have friends around to play with we lived in the country. My parents didn't have friends that ever visited w/ or without kids. It was extremely rare to do any kind of family activity. I remember going to the movies once. A family outing was a trip to WalMart and maybe Pizza Hut or Sonic very rarely. Vacations were ALWAYS camping to the same place, where dad had relatives.

 

My biggest memories were spending time playing outside at Grandma's house, that was the best. I wished that I had the opportunity to do anything else beside sports. My goal is to have some balance w/ the kids(of course balance is defined differently for everyone). Sports are not a big goal for me or my dh. Neither of us were gifted in that arena and frankly a lot of the people involved in those around here are not the type we really wanted to associate with- I am sure there are plenty of people that take those experiences and it is positive(one of my best friend's husband is a wonderful guy and was a big jock). Unfortunately most the other ex-jocks I know are arrogant jerks and really focused on the material things- not that everyone is I am sure- just the people we know(both sides of the family). So, admittedly we are very biased on this.

 

However, if any of the kids showed interest we would like for them to pursue it- I just don't want to force it though. We try to do lots of kids activities, especially the free ones. However, I don't want to be gone away from home several days a week. As it is we do library/park on Tuesday and Co-op on Fridays, Church on weekends. Try to have one decent family activity a month. I would like my son to do Boy Scouts when he is old enough. We will be doing swim lessons at the city pool as they are a lot cheaper, I never learned to swim at all and would like my kids to have that.

 

Both of the older kids so far love being around people so we have to work on balancing things they enjoy while keeping a relatively calm family life.

[Jane in NC]

We call that "Performance Parenting."

 

This term completely defines it for me. Thanks Angela. Now to keep myself from laughing out loud the next time I witness it (although I suppose it is really no laughing matter.)

[Lovedtodeath]

 

We call that "Performance Parenting." The bigger the performance in public, the less of a parent the person usually is IRL. :D I had a HS friend who used to performance parent MY children on field trips. I knew her well enough to know her dc were pretty neglected at home, so it seemed really sad. My kids would just look at me :confused:. I think performance parents are a subset of the people I describe. I agree it's cultural; women come to think things don't 'count' if they are only for the benefit of their own family.

You know what is funny about that? I do not have the self control to be different in front of people than I am alone or with my family.:confused: I do all of the same things in front of people that I do in private. I wish it were not so, because in public some of my family members come off smelling like roses and I look terrible, though in private those roles are reversed.

[KidsHappen]

I had Girl Scouts, swimming lessons, art lessons (I was quite good and seriously considered art as a career), and for some strange reason (I have no idea why as I am not athletically inclined at all) girls' softball and then co-ed baseball for several years. I always wished that I had received music lessons as well.

 

My kids have done Girls (or boy) Scouts, swimming, ice skating, ballet/dance, horse back riding, soccer, volleyball, basketball, piano and art and I may be forgetting a few things. I insisted they all have swimming for safety reasons and I strongly encouraged both art and music for educational purposes. I also allowed one athletic activity at a time. They just liked to try lots of things but they usually did the same things at the same time so there was less driving and stolen hours. I only have one left that is involved in any sort of extra-curricular activities and even that one is not all the time. We live in a neighborhood full of kids and they have lots of friends so they are always busy playing or doing things with their friends.

[Wheres Toto]

This is what I notice about scientists: They are interested in everything. My dh is a scientist, and he builds things, always has an idea etc. Whenever I talk with other spouses of scientists, male or female, it's clear to me that these folks have more interests and hobbies than your average person (ime) and have the brain power to make projects happen. They always have an idea. I'll go to someone's home...guy is an actuary or a chemist, and he (or she) has done some amazing home project. "Who bulit that fabulous playhouse? What an amazing garden. Where did you get that gorgeous gazebo? " etc. It's always, 'My partner, (the geek) built/made/designed it". I love it.

 

It keeps life interesting. I think my dh can fix nearly anything, and he is passing that skill onto his kids. The other day,in an afternoon, he built a moveable chicken pen with materials that were in the barn. He didn't buy a single thing...and we are not packrats.

 

Scientists are not one-dementional nerds! They are creative, and are always thinking outside the box! They are cool. My dh is also a musician. Right-brainers unite. :lol: Apollo 13, anyone? <Guy dumps out box of crap and tells fellow scientists that these are the materials available on the ship, and they have to figure out how they could be used to save the astronauts' lives>

 

:iagree: My Dh is a Chemist. He also built oldest dd's loft bed, a room in our house and a bear-proof shed (from wood and crap in the garage, no kits), re-did the kitchen and bathroom, etc.. He can also catch, clean and cook dinner. There was some survey I heard about on the radio - some magazine did the 50 (or 100) things real men should be able to do. DH could do about 47 of them.

 

Back to the original question ;): I never did many extracurriculars. I was raised by a single mother and money was VERY limited (not even an extra quarter for the gumball machine). When I was in junior high I wanted to do basketball and in high school soccer, but couldn't compete with the kids who had been playing in town leagues for years. I did eventually join the track weight team and did very well (got my varsity letter).

[Sweetpeach]

No pricey extras here. Single mom. Raised in a small town, however, and played school-league basketball since 5th grade so I didn't realize until just recently that had the sports not been "free" and had the school not arranged transportation, I would never have had the priviledge of being involved in extra-cirricular activities.

 

I see great value in sports, art, music . . . and value having the tribe of coaches, artists, piano teachers who are pulling our children into deeper waters. I like "sharing" my children with the greater community. It's such a joy to see them latch onto a life-skill that we've talked and talked and talked about at home but they function in while playing a sport or learning music.

 

I believe in the tribe and I'm thankful that the extra stuff doesn't undermine what we're doing at home but hopefully strengthening our kids into firm adults.

 

All that said, I don't think pricey extras are at. all. necessary. to grow kids into firm adults. It might take some creativity to ensure kids are getting out there, doing life, learning to fly, appreciating challenges and growing through them . . . we're not that creative, so we pay for the pleasure of watching them grow up in the midst of supportive coaches/teachers.

 

People "out there" have so much to pour into our children; the positive stuff sticks and the negative has to be cleaned up and wiped off. Still, we value what life has to offer our kids outside our four walls and beyond our experiences.

 

Warmly, Tricia

 

btw, Angela in Ohio, loved your "performance parenting" comments. See alot of that.

Edited June 6, 2010 by Sweetpeach

[Nan in Mass]

What a great way of putting it!