Paying for College

[Elizabeth86]

In your family, who pays for college? In the opinion of your family is it the parents job to pay for college or do adult children take care of themselves or do parents help their kids some.

 

Im not asking what is right or wrong, just what you do. No arguing please.

 

Someone made a comment about college to me the other day and I was a bit blown away. I was just looking to see how other people viewed the roles of parents providing for adult children.

 

I will reply later on.

[Night Elf]

When our kids were very young, we said we weren't going to pay anything. Our parents didn't help us so it's possible for young adults to find their own way. We did it. But as our kids neared college age, we decided we should help them because we had the means to do so. We don't see any reason to make things hard for our children. When my ds was in school, he had a scholarship for tuition only and lived at home, so we paid the fees. It was cheap. He only went a year though and quit. Now my youngest is in college and it's an expensive college. she lives on campus and has to have a meal plan. Our deal with her is she gets the max amount of loans she can and we cover the rest. We hate that she's incurring debt but we can't afford to foot the whole bill. We also pay for other expenses and give her an allowance. We want her focused on her education. That's her #1 job. We're happy we're able to do this for her. If we couldn't then we would have found another way for her to get a higher education. A less expensive college. Living at home and commuting to school. Our two biggest expenses for dd are campus dorms and meal plan. They're simply silly prices.

[Pawz4me]

We pay for the undergrad degree  Everything--tuition, books, living expenses. Before deciding to have kids/how many we decided that part of our decision would include the commitment to get them through an undergraduate degree (or CC--we would have been fine if either/both of them had chosen something that only requires a two year degree or certification).

 

[Guest]

We feel it's our responsibility to do what we can to start our children off in life. There's nothing magical about the age of 18, and we are still their parents whether they are 18 or not. Therefore, if possible, we pay for college as far as we are able, reasonably speaking.

Edited September 23, 2017 by Kinsa

[Guest]

Incidentally, there is a thread going on right now in the college forum about this topic. http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/658559-not-helping-with-money-for-college-kids-are-we-the-only-ones/page-1

[Twolittleboys]

University here is basically free and the government gives money (half as an interest free loan/half as a gift) to cover living expenses if parents do not earn enough. However, if parents do earn enough children have a legal right to be supported during college.

 

Personally, I think parents should pay for a decent college education (i.e. normal duration, school with average cost) if financially possible.

[Bambam]

We are helping our oldest. She got several academic scholarships, so much is covered. We asked her this year if she could cover her food expenses. We are trying to move her towards 100% financial independence - and part of that, to us, is actually starting to cover the cost of living. We will probably push/nudge her towards covering even more of her costs next year. 

 

We have another local family expects their children to fund everything themselves 100%.  It is possible that the oldest was told she needs to leave home at 18 because they need a bed for a younger sibling. 

 

We also have a new wrinkle locally. One family started soliciting friends and family for money to send their dd to college. Now this family takes very nice vacations regularly, so we are all just shaking our heads. 

[Angie in VA]

Ours were blessed w/ full tuition scholarships. We pay a good bit towards room and board and we pay for books (up to a certain amount, but let the kids pocket the money should they sell the books later). We also pay some fees (graduation regalia, etc.) and provide a laptop and cell phone. The kids have to earn the rest. This is a great balance.

 

What we pay is nothing to sneeze at, but the way we view it is that the kids are working their way through college. They worked hard to earn the scholarships and they work hard to keep them. They also work hard during the summer and while at school to afford the rest. First Born graduated debt free and earned a grad student position that provides free tuition and a stipend. Second Born is on a good path to be debt free too. 

 

We also give practical gifts (along w/ fun ones!) for gift giving occasions and care packages and just because. Sure, it's odd that when Mom and Dad visit our kids get a pack of toilet paper, some cleaner or deodorant, and a roll of quarters along w/ candy and brownies, but those are all appreciated. 

 

We're so grateful for their scholarships. We put a lot of hopes on them, and had plans A-Z if they didn't get them, but we're so glad our kids got the opportunities they got. 

 

 

ETA: We pay some towards room and board b/c we would let them live at home for free if they attended a school close to home. Didn't work out that way, but we still wanted to help w/ that. 

Edited September 23, 2017 by Angie in VA

[Guest]

My inlaws believe the family should not pay. Those dc that follow that idea have dc who earned a 2 year degree while working full time. The dc must sign out of high school and work half a day. They pay one household bill monthly in high school, then their share of all bills plus rent if they choose college. What's hurting most is having to pay for credits that could have been done in high school while earning low wages, so very long haul to get ahead unless they marry someone not in same situation or have an elderly relative to give them cash.

 

My family is literate and numerate and education thru college is seen as part of the human heritage given to children. Withholding is seen as foolish, as the dc need to be equipped to be fully functioning members of society.

 

Dh and I went with my family values. Who pays depends on efc. Our efc is too high for an unskilled worker to meet on wages earned when school is out of session. So, that meant choosing gap years while dc become higher skilled entrepreneurs using high school knowledge or us paying.

 

The hardest thing for us is the extended family. Education is not a value but giving to those who refuse an education is. We opted out of the old world ideas of asking richer family members to pay for lifestyle, and for children to pay for adults. They aren't too happy about it, but really all it means is less partying for them since our money would go to their electric bill while theirs goes to the cruise line and alcohol. We put ours into education for the dc, health care, and retirement.

Edited September 23, 2017 by Heigh Ho

[SparklyUnicorn]

We will help as much as we can.  We cannot afford to pay for their entire education, but we don't have a policy of not helping or requiring them to pay for everything themselves.

 

 

[regentrude]

There is a current thread on the Highschool board you may find interesting.

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/658559-not-helping-with-money-for-college-kids-are-we-the-only-ones/

[teachermom2834]

It's a partnership between us and the dc. We have enough to help some but not a lot. They work hard in high school and testing to maximize scholarships. We, together, find the most affordable workable school for them. (Not the absolute cheapest but most affordable good fit). They work and save as much as they can over the summers. They take out the federal loans they are offered (but not private loans). After scholarships and loans they pay as much of their bill as they can while leaving themselves spending money and dh and I will find a way to cover the gap. We hope, though have not promised, to help pay back those loans if they do their part and actually graduate.

 

So, it is a family project. We are all in it together. It actually is fluid from kid to kid, and even year to year for each kid. They are working hard and investing in themselves and they know we are here to make sure they get through. It has been a good balance so far.

 

As I said on the other thread- we all have the same goals. We all want the kids to get launched and stable as adults. The kids want dh and I to have enough in our later years. Everyone is looking out for each other.

 

For many of us, college financing is piecing together a puzzle. That is very much the case here. Parental guidance through high school to maximize opportunities, largely parental research to find affordable schools and scholarships, student academic commitment, student work and saving earnings, loans, and parental financial support.

It has worked well and I am pleased so far for the results. I can't say we planned it that way when the kids were little. It really is just necessity. The kids can't reach their goals without help and dh and I surely cannot cover the costs.

 

Every family is going to have their own approach and that may even differ from kid to kid. Our family has it set up that everyone is invested and taking responsibility.

Edited September 23, 2017 by teachermom2834

[regentrude]

In our family, we parents pay. We are fortunate that our financial situation allows us to do so (the kids also get scholarships).

We consider college our kids' job, and they work very hard. Both have part time jobs of different levels.

We see family resources as shared resources used for the benefit of all family members.

 

[mytwomonkeys]

We will certainly do what we can. I imagine that means paying for their BS or BA at the local CC or local bible college. Both of our children are encouraged to dual enroll for 11th and 12th, as that’s free college (crazy not to take advantage- you can graduate high school with an AA here). Anything beyond that they will need to figure it out. I put myself through college and worked full-time (and was pregnant when I graduated). It is totally doable. Where there’s a will there’s a way.

 

ETA - and of course scholarships and grants are available and encouraged to pursue.

Edited September 23, 2017 by mytwomonkeys

[lmrich]

We pay. We are blessed that our state has generous scholarships so tuition is reasonable. We will pay for grad school if the kids have money left in their college funds. We started aggressively saving for the kids' college fund when they were born. My dad contributed $500 a year per kid as well. My in-laws gave some too. We are lucky. 

[QueenCat]

We, as the parents, would normally pay for anything not covered by scholarships. Because both kids got full academic scholarships, that covered everything, we helped with grad school for the older instead. Will help with grad school for the younger once he finishes his undergrad.

[ealp2009]

I would not incur loans for myself, and would encourage my child to attend a CC or state school before incurring loans but I will help as much as possible. We have put money in a 529 so hopefully that will get them through something.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[catz]

I dont even think this is worded the best way. When it comes to college families together need to decide what works best for their family and budgets. Going to college with heavy debt loads and working as many hours as possible isn't necessarily the best way to launch. The way financial aid works in the US makes options quite small if you are a family with a large EFC and are unwilling to help at all. College prices have far outgrown inflation. And all that said I don't think every student needs to attend college either.

 

Help can look like letting a young adult live rent free while attending school. It can look like guiding a student to the most economical college choices available that may work well for them. It may include helping with tuition and other expenses. That doesn't preclude student loans or student jobs or requiring strong grades in college classes. I just think until you start looking at options and FAFSA you don't really have a clear picture of the finances involved. I rarely think it is as simple as saying we won't be involved in paying for college while you have very young kids.

 

We have free dual enrollment here in our state which is great. My junior started this fall. That said not everyone's academic goals fit easily into a dual enroll program and not every kid is ready to take advantage of it at 16 full bore. I hope at least some of my kid's dual enroll credits transfer to where he is going to need to end up to complete his degree but it's not at all a sure thing. If you want free dual enrollment to work well for you, you really need to have a clear degree path laid out by junior year.

Edited September 23, 2017 by WoolySocks

[mytwomonkeys]

Some companies will pay for part or all of your college too. Whenever I go to Starbucks in Tallahassee the employees there are all students working to receive the benefit of Starbucks college program. It’s pretty awesome. Several companies do this.

[StephanieZ]

In our family, the parents pay for college for their kids -- a full ride, so to speak. Kids are expected to work hard on (and be successful with) their schooling, work for $$ FT in the summers and possibly a little during the school year, so long as it doesn't impair their schooling. 

 

This was how it was for dh's college. This is how it was for my college. We each graduated college with 100% paid for by our folks (with each of us also working hard on academics, earning any scholarships we could, and also FT paid work in summers.) Now, we pay it forward. 

 

So, this is now how it is for our own kids' college. Mom and Dad will get you through a reasonably priced undergrad, debt free, comfortably supported, as long as you are working hard on academics and you also pitch in for $$ by working pretty much FT on summer breaks +/- a bit during some semesters if there's a good opportunity. We work together for cooperative goals (kids with degrees and ultimately good jobs). So far, so good. Fingers crossed. :)

 

Only real generational shift is that for dh and I, our parents set no bounds on which colleges we could attend, as they were willing to pay for any college. But, for our own kids, we can't afford Ivies/similar due to the weirdness of today's college costs/financing. Our kids know our constraints, and they respect them. Again, we work together towards cooperative goals (mom and dad not eating Ramen 3 meals a day their retirement diet).  So far, so good, lol.

 

In fact, in our family, parents even help to some degree with grad/professional school. For dh, his siblings, me, and my brother, our respective parents helped *a bit* with grad school. None of us had it paid for 100% (or even 50%) by our folks, but our folks offered occasional, timely, partial helps during various stages of grad school. 5k or 10k here or there, folks always picking up the dinner tab and paying for extended family vacations, etc  . . . isn't a huge part of a six figure grad program . . . but it sure takes some of the sting out of being an impoverished grad student. Again, we intend to be able to do the same for our own kids . . . helping *a bit* with grad or professional school, if they so choose. 

 

I hope our kids will do the same for their own kids. It makes nice life to live it in such a way that the "clan" works together to support each other. 

 

ETA: Full disclosure, our two college kids have each earned massive merit scholarships. This is a huge help to us. Our commitment is/was the same regardless . . . but their earned merit money does make it much easier to support them comfortably, and that is what will make it easier to help support them -- to a smaller degree -- if/when they go to grad school. Essentially, their merit money helps extend the Bank of Mom and Dad funds into potential grad school. 

Edited September 23, 2017 by StephanieZ

[Garga]

I dont even think this is worded the best way. When it comes to college families together need to decide what works best for their family and budgets. Going to college with heavy debt loads and working as many hours as possible isn't necessarily the best way to launch. The way financial aid works in the US makes options quite small if you are a family with a large EFC and are unwilling to help at all. College prices have far outgrown inflation. And all that said I don't think every student needs to attend college either.

Help can look like letting a young adult live rent free while attending school. It can look like guiding a student to the most economical college choices available that may work well for them. It may include helping with tuition and other expenses. That doesn't preclude student loans or student jobs or requiring strong grades in college classes. I just think until you start looking at options and FAFSA you don't really have a clear picture of the finances involved. I rarely think it is as simple as saying we won't be involved in paying for college while you have very young kids.

We have free dual enrollment here in our state which is great. My junior started this fall. That said not everyone's academic goals fit easily into a dual enroll program and not every kid is ready to take advantage of it at 16 full bore. I hope at least some of my kid's dual enroll credits transfer to where he is going to need to end up to complete his degree but it's not at all a sure thing. If you want free dual enrollment to work well for you, you really need to have a clear degree path laid out by junior year.

 

That's what I was going to say! All of it.

 

I haven't done an EFC, so I have no idea what we'd be expected to pay. I have no clue if my kids will get any merit aid. They're just normal kids, so I just don't know--it could go either way.

 

I'm not sure that my son will be ready for a bunch of DE in a year's time to get a free AA at home. And like you said, we'd have to know what 4 year he might want to attend by next year to know if the credits will transfer.

 

There are sooo many balls to juggle when it comes to paying for college. I can't say for sure what we will or won't do. Most likely we'll want to help and simply not have the money. I expect it'll be a combination of us helping as we can, my sons working, and also taking out some loans. I'd like to help them pay off the loans if I can, but at the same time, after years of being told we were saving enough for retirement, our finance guy said we really ought to be socking away a few extra hundred a month to retirement.

 

Who knows??

[creekland]

It's a joint effort here. My boys all took on federal loans each year themselves and have/had jobs on campus to cover their spending money. They also all had merit aid and some need based aid from their schools. We have covered the rest.

 

We've also told them we will help pay off their loans later if we can, but with two in college at once most years, taking on federal loans was a must.

 

We consider a four year degree the minimum we want to see for an education since they are all capable of it. We don't actually care if they end up using their primary degree or not in their future.

 

We also know from experience that we are much better off now than we would have been without degrees or if we had had to work our way through it ourselves. We want the same for our boys. Family wealth gets transferred rather than all of us going it alone.

 

If my boys decided to sit back and not do their share, we might change our minds, but that hasn't happened. They have told us many times how thankful they are. One has already graduated with a good job and the second is in med school. Youngest has job offers entering his senior year. We have no regrets.

[bettyandbob]

Parents pay. If parents are really financially unable then parents assist in finding funding, scholarship searches, getting all financial documents in order to qualify, etc. No full time student would be required to pay rent in our house.

[slackermom]

Dh and I both paid for our own education, with no support from our parents. My father refused to even fill out the financial aid paperwork, saying it was his own private information, and irrelevant. Dh's mother charged him close to market rate to live at home while he attended the state university. We both worked while attending college, for employers that reimbursed some tuition costs, and we took out loans as needed. I borrowed for undergrad, dh borrowed for grad school, and we are both still paying it off.

In our current financial position, I don't think we will be able to do much for our kid, who is now 13, other than provide as much guidance as possible. I think early college is a possibility, so some of the costs may start sooner than traditional age, and we will have to figure it all out as we go.

[bethben]

We will be able to help our children but in no way even start to be able to help significantly if they go to an expensive college.  Right now, the plan ds17 has in his head is that he will go to our local in town University and live at home.  If he gets a part time job, he could get close to paying all of it himself.  $7000 in state tuition.  He is also going to community college full time right now paid for by the state with guaranteed transfer credits so he should get close to two years already paid for.  Ds feels that with his career choice/ thoughts right now, it doesn't matter where he goes to college, just that he has a degree.  The local state university is ranked well enough.  It is yet to be determined what the remaining children will do.

 

So, to answer the question, we will help as we can.  We don't want our kids to exit college with a huge debt load.  We won't be encouraging them to go to an expensive school.  Ds has a friend going to a sudo-ivy league school.  He does have some merit aid/scholarships/grandparents that saved for him for years so it's helping defray the costs.  Without all that, 4 years will cost $1/4 million.  Yes - million.  I could never never encourage my child to get that kind of debt.

Edited September 23, 2017 by bethben

[Hoggirl]

We used the "pile approach." We had a certain amount of money in the "pile" ds could use for his education. He could use the "pile" as he wanted/where he wanted. It was enough to be full pay for any undergraduate degree at any school in the country. However, if he chose a school where he earned a merit scholarship (we do not qualify for need-based aid), any remaining money not used during undergrad could have been used for graduate school if he wanted to pursue that. If there was money remaining after that, we would have allowed it to have been used for a car, a down payment on a house, or other large expense we deemed reasonable.

 

Ds had nine choices once all acceptances were in - two were full rides (everything!), others offered some merit, and others were full-pay. In the end, Ds chose a university where we are full pay (no merit money is offered at this school, only need-based aid) that will use up the entire "pile." Any grad school will now be on him should he choose to pursue that.

 

I am a big fan of the pile approach because it can be used regardless of the amount parents can (or are willing to) provide for education: $50, $500, $5,000, $50,000, $500,000. Everyone has a different sized pile depending on individual family circumstances. It's essentially the budget the child has to work with. We are very fortunate that we could do as much as we could for our ds (we only have one child, BTW). Had we not been in the position to be full pay, I would have been fine with our ds taking on Stafford loans, but I would not have cosigned any additional loans.

[JFSinIL]

Kids help pay their own way by getting the most merit aid they can, and starting at the cc five minutes form our house IF feasible for their major..  I have four kids, one went to community college a bit and we covered tuition, she covered books, until she decided she'd rather just work full time so she could move out and be an adult on her own.  Worked for her, her temp agency placed her at a company that ships air filters for everything all over the country, and she got so good at involving and solving problems they made her permanent, then a trucking firm liked her so much they poached her to be head of their billing dept (over 500 employees) and she makes as much as her attorney dad now.

 

DS went to a LAC from the get-go, since he was STEM and I had read grad schools prefer no community college.  He did get highest merit aid, covered his own books, and took out max student loans (hey, a STEM major can afford to pay those back, right?).  Still cost us a bit over $15,000 a year but figured it was worth it and we could afford it.  But then this kid had mental illness rear its ugly head senior year, and he could not quite finish all his classes before he had to take medical leave.  Eventually the student loan people waived about $27,000 in loans as he obviously is unable to work f/t and pay.  Sigh.

 

Last kid went to community college, worked p/t, saved $5,000.  Got highest merit aid and we now qualify for her to get a PELL Grant so she is a junior at a LAC an hour away getting her degree in elementary education.  Luckily transfer scholarships can last up to three years, as she decided on a double minor (ESL and SPED) to be more hire-able after graduation three years from now. She pays for her books, we cover the tiny amount of tuition (less than the community college after all her aid!!!) and the rent on her townhome (shared with a nursing student) and a bit towards groceries.  She is NOT taking out loans, as teachers do not make all that much....and her boyfriend, if they stay together and get married, IS taking out max student loans.  If they become a couple and both have students loans they will be doomed to live with us for a long time.   

 

Note - in the case of both kids who went to a LAC, the merit aid awarded made them cheaper than the local state u - which did NOT offer that much aid! 

 

I am also a firm believer in parents NOT taking out loans themselves or co-signing with the kid.  Had we co-singed for DS, we'd have had to pay the entire loan amount back...and hubby only finished paying off HIS student loans the year DS started college.  Note - he could have avoided the loans had he asked his dad to fill out the financial aid forms back then - but he "forgot".  Grrrr...with six kids and low income, they would have qualified for aid.  Hubby had what I call "middle-child-don't-make-waves" syndrome.

 

 

When DS was in college, the first three years we could just afford to pay our share. The hubby lost his job during ds's senior year and the school gave PELL and MAP grants so we paid less than $1,000 for that year.  That we can pay for DD's townhome now near her school is thanks to our insurance money we got after our bad car crash. 

Edited September 23, 2017 by JFSinIL

[maize]

Joint resonsibility. Parents and children each contribute what they can.

[Arcadia]

For my side of the family, parents pay the amount they could afford which is stated by the time we (me, cousins, nieces, nephews) are in high school. A few of my richer cousins could full pay their kids education abroad in UK and Australia. My parents could afford $10k per year for me back when college tution was very low, slightly younger nephew who went to UK spent close to $40k per year for tuition, lab fees, rent, food, etc for engineering. Graduate school is also paid by parents to the best they can afford to help.

 

My husband’s side is full pay for public universities but expect the “brainy†kids to get scholarships. So my husband was on a scholarship while his siblings who do not have as high a GPA had their education paid by my in-laws. It was weird to me because in my family culture any scholarship money goes to the child and is banked for future house down payment or whatever needs. Many of my cousins and nephews are scholars so they could afford a house earlier with all the scholarship money saved.

 

For our kids, we are seriously considering liquidating stock options that my husband currently have. At the current stock price, it would put one child through the more expensive state university full pay or both kids at the cheaper state university.

 

We are now starting to put aside money for college because we are just above the aid level making us full pay and our mortgage is as good as paid up. We’ll see how much we can help.

[Jane in NC]

I commented on the linked College Board thread but wanted to add something here.  Namely, there is no one formula that works for every family or for every kid in every family.  For example, within my husband's family (where tuition at a state U was free because his father was a prof there), one of his brothers attended a technical program at a CC that was a distance from the family home. Their local CC did not have the specific program so his brother needed to move to another town for school.  (Moral of the story:  local colleges do not always offer the right fit so parents who say children can have free room and board at home may not be making an offer that works for every kid.)

 

Another example: some families assist with undergrad but not with graduate school.  This was the case for one of my friends until her daughter had a medical situation (through no fault of her own) that required she withdraw from school that year.  The family had to decide how best to help their daughter.  Finishing that graduate degree was the decision even though the daughter could not earn any income while out of school.  The family rose to support a family member in what was best for her.

 

My family culture is one in which we offer support and assistance for family members as it is needed and if it fits within our financial capabilities.  To be honest, we are savers by nature and have saved for a comfortable retirement. I foresee offering some of those savings for a grand nephew or future grandchild for college if need be. Knock on wood.

[MIch elle]

We do 100% for state college: tuition, room and board but no additional spending. They can work and/ or save for their pocket money.

 

Both us paid 95% or more for our own degrees. Our parents didn't have the means to do it. We can do it for our kids without a problem. We lived below our means our whole marriage, and we're lucky enough not to have had to weather job loss or health crisis.

[Sneezyone]

In my family, parents help to the extent they are able which, in my and DHs case, was very little/not at all. For my kids, it means undergraduate degrees will be fully paid for by DH and I. We expect our kids to take their studies seriously and supplement their income from us with earnings of their own. We do not give them enough now, nor will we then, to live the high life.

Edited September 23, 2017 by Sneezyone

[bettyandbob]

Agreeing with the "there is no right or wrong formula for family decisions on paying for college", but I'd like to add I think a lot of people get stuck in the "I did it myself, so I expect my kid to do it" thought without considering costs of college have gone up and wages compared to inflation have gone down. So, the old formula for "I did it myself" may have been doable. There is a completely different formula for being able to get it done today. 

 

To me it's almost like saying my parents smoked and I made it to adulthood without asthma, there's no reason not to smoke in a child's presence. No one really says that because all the data tells you about the huge health consequences of second hand smoke on children. With college funding, I don't think parents should make blanket statements about what happened 30 years ago. None of the math available 30 years ago works today:

--my classmates could be declared independents adult for purposes of financial aid relatively easily. Now one must be 24 (or married or have a kid or be in the military)

--wages for entry level jobs had more purchasing power, making those jobs a good way to pay tuition

--tuition was significantly lower (college tuition has increased at a rate 2.5 times inflation in 30 years, wages have not)

--not everyone is eligible for military service and of those who they should actually be committed to the mission

 

Those are just a few points. I know there are parents who truly cannot help, but the people I know IRL who have made statements about not helping have often not considered the facts of how college was financed and how such options are no longer available. 

[regentrude]

Adding to my previous post: my kids took out the federal loans for which they are eligible. While we are going to try to help pay those off, not having the cost right now is a big help.

[regentrude]

  Ds has a friend going to a sudo-ivy league school.  He does have some merit aid/scholarships/grandparents that saved for him for years so it's helping defray the costs.  Without all that, 4 years will cost $1/4 million.  Yes - million.  I could never never encourage my child to get that kind of debt.

 

To put things into perspective: the sticker price of an expensive college is not what most students actually pay. Many selective private universities are very generous with need based aid. We could certainly not afford the sticker price for either of my children's schools, but they receive merit and need based aid, which makes it affordable to us. 

 

Run a net price calculator. A top tier private college may turn out more affordable than an out of state public one.

[gardenmom5]

we've helped where we could, and filling out that fafsa.

we also took cost of the college into consideration and encouraged them to be mindful of that. (that mostly came into consideration with 1ds.  the program he liked better - was at a much higher cost private school whose aid sucked - vs our local (well-rated) school with much better aid that will pay for most, and he can live at home. 

My girls had scholarships that covered most of their costs.  some very small loans for undergrad. 

1dd's were paid off years ago.

2dd was pretty much on her own for grad school. she had grants and mostly loans, but still had about half the debt of many of her classmates.  she got married two months before she graduated - and her dh slaughtered his savings to pay down her loans.  the irony is, he feels he's the most broke he's ever been, and she feels like she's the richest she's ever been.  (they paid for his mba as they went along as both were working full-time in well-paying jobs, then received a partial remuneration from his employer after he graduated.  all school loans have been paid off.)    

my boys had a rough start to college, and did their first two years at a local cc.  the cc's in this area tend to be good - and cheap.  they are now mostly paying for college themselves - through working and grants.  1ds was irked because his aid package was dispersed yesterday and they used the loans before the grants to pay tuition etc.  he works part-time during school, and full-time between quarters.

2ds is working part-time/full-time too, and cheaper school.  he needs a masters, he can do that at a more expensive school.  

[kroe1]

I have always said that before one jumps into the back seat of a car, be prepared to pay for the first car, the college tuition, and the wedding. My parents never paid any of that for me, but, so far, I have been able to do it for my kids.

[gardenmom5]

To put things into perspective: the sticker price of an expensive college is not what most students actually pay. Many selective private universities are very generous with need based aid. We could certainly not afford the sticker price for either of my children's schools, but they receive merit and need based aid, which makes it affordable to us. 

 

Run a net price calculator. A top tier private college may turn out more affordable than an out of state public one.

 

this.   or even an in-state public one.

 

the school my girls went to, is in the top 10% of the most expensive in the country - but after scholarships and aid, it was cheaper for them to go there, than it would have been our local public university where they could live at home.  (after counting their aid).  

Look at what percent of need is fulfilled.  schools with a higher endowment - can pay more.  

1ds wanted to go to a private out-of-state school, with a crappy endowment and he would have had to cough up >$30 per year. not worth it.  (even with doing his first two years at cc so he'd only be paying for two.)

2dd wanted to go to a private school that only provided 50% aid, and she would have needed $20K every year, after aid  (that was 10 years ago.).  again, not worth it.

 

SOME out of state public universities can be less.    2dd had an acquaintance who went to medical school near her, because it was cheaper than going to his in-state.   I was also looking at costs for 1ds - who is doing aerospace engineering, and that really limits what schools can even be considered.  but there were some out of  state public universities that would have been less than UW.

 

what I really wish kids would consider is what will be the return on their degree?  some degrees are not worth what they pay to get it, and they graduate with loans. - some of which have to start being paid while they're still a  student.

[brehon]

We'd love to be able to financially help all of our kids with college costs; however, the reality is that we simply won't be able to do so without taking on hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. The only thing I can do is research scholarships and universities and encourage my kids to do the best they can to secure merit scholarships. I don't even think we'll qualify for much need based aid.

 

The big issue for my family, I think, is that my kids, intelligent though they are, are not academic superstars. There won't be anywhere near full tuition or full rides for most of my kids happening here. I don't know what we'll do and, frankly, it keeps me up at nights because my eldest is a sophomore.

[nixpix5]

Ours is kid dependent and need dependent. We were first gen college students ourselves who put ourselves through while parenting two small boys so we have loans from grad school. We may have done something different had we not been so naive to the whole college process but it is what it is.

 

We really don't want our children to have to take out loans but our income places us firmly in the spot of no real financial aid help but not enough extra income to really help. We encouraged our two oldest to apply themselves through school so they could get merit based aid if college was what they wanted.

 

One did that, the other didn't but they both firmly landed wanting to go to college. Hard conversations were had. We sat down, offered for them to live at home if necessary, talked about schedules, jobs they could choose to help pay, whether to do loans or not do loans, and so forth.

 

Our highly motivated guy qualified for merit aid, did some work study, got a part time job, found a great living situation with his buddies and applied for scholarships based on his Hispanic heritage. We helped to fill in the holes but really wanted to see him want it. He needed to want education bad enough to generate a plan. He finished school, has a great job and no debt.

 

Older DS2 who mediocred his way through high school moaned and groaned alot. He didn't seem to know what he wanted to go to college for and it seemed more to just delay adulthood more. He struggled with tech addiction which didn't help. He drug his feet alot. His bio mom even offered him a job with her and he turned it down. My DH and I chatted about it and decided to pay for the first semester to see how it went. He tanked, which we assumed he would. We just felt like we didn't want him using us as an excuse as to why he couldn't go to college. He knew we would not pay for a second semester under those circumstances. He needed life to be hard for a bit to appreciate it. So that is what happened. He had to get a full time job to pay for living expenses and he learned life is hard that way. He found a passion and wanted education and was faced with wanting it and not being able to afford it. He saved every penny he could and worked hard. He paid for a semester and did phenomenal. His brother helped him set up a plan and they became roommates along with a couple friends. Much like DS1, we filled in financial holes once we saw passion and pursuit of his dream.

 

Both guys are in full time jobs in their fields and doing great.

 

With our youngest 3 at home we have been able to start college savings for them but I cannot say I would do it any different. I think seeing responsibility and a plan is a prerequisite for us. I am comfortable paying a quarter or semester for someone on the fence to see how it goes. I am comfortable paying all if I have it for someone who wants it and shows me they do.

 

Not sure if that makes sense but that is how we do it. Case by case based on their need for growth in certain areas. For us it is far more important to create long lasting responsibility even if it means they may be mad for a bit about it. I have wonderful relationships with both of my grown boys so it didn't hurt anything ;)

Edited September 23, 2017 by nixpix5

[teachermom2834]

We'd love to be able to financially help all of our kids with college costs; however, the reality is that we simply won't be able to do so without taking on hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. The only thing I can do is research scholarships and universities and encourage my kids to do the best they can to secure merit scholarships. I don't even think we'll qualify for much need based aid.

 

The big issue for my family, I think, is that my kids, intelligent though they are, are not academic superstars. There won't be anywhere near full tuition or full rides for most of my kids happening here. I don't know what we'll do and, frankly, it keeps me up at nights because my eldest is a sophomore.

That sounds like our situation. I want to reassure you that your are probably doing the best thing possible for your kids. That is researching college costs and scholarships and being realistic about the fact that their choices will be limited. You can guide your children in their choices and expectations from early on and that is a kind of support that many parents do not or cannot give. So you are already doing your part for them.

[catz]

what I really wish kids would consider is what will be the return on their degree? some degrees are not worth what they pay to get it, and they graduate with loans. - some of which have to start being paid while they're still a student.

I think this is one type of guidance parents should be providing. We will simply not co sign on large loans. The amount allowed without a consign is quite reasonable. I don't think kids are educated nearly enough about what the long term debt would look like nor the ramifications on their future. And banks seem mor than happy to let people make poor financial decisions.

[creekland]

To put things into perspective: the sticker price of an expensive college is not what most students actually pay. Many selective private universities are very generous with need based aid. We could certainly not afford the sticker price for either of my children's schools, but they receive merit and need based aid, which makes it affordable to us. 

 

Run a net price calculator. A top tier private college may turn out more affordable than an out of state public one.

 

For middle son, the top tier private was more affordable than our in state public school.  It's often worth it to compare IME.

[amy g.]

Dh and I both put ourselves through school with no parental assistance. My belief is that parents do not owe children support past the age of 18. I also do not think kids owe parents.

 

But when our oldest reached college age, she received a full merit scholarship for her first 2 years. She picked a reasonably priced school and has a partial merit scholarship for her senior year. We pay the difference in her expenses and plan to continue doing so when she is in graduate school.

 

Second kid took a break from college to go to work. His employer will pay for the rest of his education when he is ready to go back. We will help him if he needs it then too.

 

Third kid starts school on Monday. She was up for a full honors scholarship, but somehow, after the interview they decided that they no longer wanted her in their program. I was kind of shocked. This is a kid for whom the interview should be her strong point. It was fine though because, obviously that is not the right place for her.

 

Then a private family from the university called me. They were upset that Dd was not accepted. It was their impression that the reason is that the school is looking for Barbie type students to represent them, not crew-cutted feminists. The family wanted to pay for Dd's tuition. When the check arrived, it was from some trust and 50% more than the scholarship would have been. We are covering the difference for her room and board.

 

So I would say that it is not a parent's responsibility to pay for their child's higher education but that when the time comes, many parents want to help as much as they can and sometimes help comes in ways that no one could foresee if you just keep pushing forward.

[Catwoman]

In our family, the parents pay for college and grad school.

[brehon]

That sounds like our situation. I want to reassure you that your are probably doing the best thing possible for your kids. That is researching college costs and scholarships and being realistic about the fact that their choices will be limited. You can guide your children in their choices and expectations from early on and that is a kind of support that many parents do not or cannot give. So you are already doing your part for them.

Thanks. You're right, of course. I'm in a bit of a funk because I've been running NPCs for various schools - in and out of my state, public and private universities, and the results are the same. Completely unaffordable.

[Melissa in Australia]

Here in Australia the government gives Aus citizens interest free loans that pay university tuition. The loan is then slowly paid back once you start earning money. It is deducted from your income the same as tax. There are also scholarships. If your income is low you can also get a government study stipend that will just cover accommodation and basic food. Just.

 

Australians ( and thegovernment) believe investing in the future is important. Sure we would love uni tobefree, but I think if it was completely free then people would either not take their studies seriously or be perpetual students.

[Jenny in Florida]

My husband and I have committed to doing everything in our power to cover the costs of an undergraduate degree (or an appropriate equivalent post-high school training/education option) for both of our kids.

 

Each of us has experienced challenges in our adult lives as a result of the ways our parents handled money for college. My husband's parents could have provided him significant support, but essentially left him on his own to figure out. Basically, he was told that he had to "prove himself" before they would kick in financially. He wasn't ready to handle it and dropped out after a semester. He's an incredibly smart and hard-working person and has done well for himself, despite a number of big roadblocks that disrupted his early adulthood. But he has consistently found himself limited by the lack of a degree. And by late middle age, he has effectively topped out in his career. He can't move up any more with his current employer without a degree, and he's old enough that it is not prudent to risk his pension and seniority and such by jumping to another company.

 

My parents didn't have a lot of money to throw at my education. They provided what they could, but I ended up taking on loans to finish my degree. Over the next several years, as I struggled to become completely financially independent, I fell behind with loan payments. (This was before income-based repayment and other plans were available.) I tried a few times to resolve the situation and get back onto a reasonable payment plan, but it was like the loan servicers were determined to make it impossible. As a result, the university has opted to withhold my official transcripts, meaning that I cannot pursue any additional education and that I cannot be hired for any job that requires me to produce transcripts. So I, too, am limited and, to a certain degree, stuck.

 

With all of that as background, we are adamant that our kids will have access to the education that is appropriate for them with all of the support that we can provide and without the burden of starting off their lives with debt. (Each does have some loans in her/his name, but we pay them.)

 

That said, it's a cooperative effort, and we do expect them to have "skin in the game" to some degree. We expected that they would do the very best they could to earn scholarships, for example. And we were clear and honest with them about what we could afford. Neither of them had/is having the stereotypical "full ride" experience in college. We make sure books, tuition, fees and living expenses are paid and provided/provide small weekly allowances to cover basic needs. They don't do spring break trips or have extravagant wardrobes . . . 

 

If any one of a number of things about our lives or our kids were different, we might make different choices. However, given the kids we have and the fact that we do have some resources available to assist, I can't imagine refusing to do so.

Edited September 23, 2017 by Jenny in Florida

[Janeway]

In our family, my husband and I paid our own way through school. However, I had fully intended to help my children. However, I am reaching the point where I will have to start using what I saved for their college to pay our bills. So I am unsure what will happen. We will see.

[gardenmom5]

I do think a lot of what parents contribute has to do with their own resources.

 

some parent's don't have the resources and can't even if they want to do so.

some parents have the resources, but believe the kids need to earn their own way.

and of course, some parents don't have the resources and wouldn't even if they could. uate.)

 

they're not the same thing.