Prairie~Phlox Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 My 16 year old got invited to a sleepover next week. However, the girls are dressing up & trick or treating. None of the other parents that are letting their girls go, agree with this, but are letting their daughters go anyway. I don't agree & don't know what to do. Either I be the Debbie Downer, & tell the parent hosting how I fell, I let my daughter go, but not tell my husband (which I have a problem with, I know he'll say no." & I don't want to keep this from him) I am totally struggling with this, wwyd. What do you say when you don't agree with something? Dd did say she doesn't care if I don't let her go, if we find something else to do that night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Why is it a problem for her to treak or trick? My teen loves hanging out with her friends on Halloween, dressing up, and going trick or treating. It was also done when I was growing up. I like handing out candy to the older teens as much as I do the little kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Not sure what the problem is as long as they dress up & are polite? I think trick-or-treating can still be fun for teens. I know plenty of teens who have trick-or-treated. I think it's nice that they can still enjoy harmless fun. If she's not going to go trick-or-treating, I'd either not have her go at all or take her over to the sleepover after the others would be back from trick-or-treating. (And, I would tell the host why I planned to bring her late & ask if it would be ok for her to arrive later.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineMom Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 My daughters and I have seen older teens dressed up for Halloween but collecting can goods for charities rather than sweets for themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I'd let her go. Lots of older teens trick or treat around here and it's not a big deal. I don't mind in the slightest when they do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 If she dresses up, is polite, and goes along when the little kids do, I think it's okay. Now when I used to live in a subdivision and got trick or treaters, and they were older, rang the bell after trick or treating had generally stopped for the night and we'd turned out the light, and were wearing regular clothes and carrying a grocery sack, I did not like it. You have to dress up and act the part to get the candy! :D They may decide that they are too old for it anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I don't have a problem with teens trick or treating. I just want them to be polite and wear a costume. Sometimes teens aren't ready to let go of childhood fun just yet and trick or treating is harmless fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6030982?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037 Let her go. Let them have fun. :-) I'm buying big bars for big kids this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Is the issue trick-or-treating in general? Or because they are teens? If your family is against trick-or-treating generally, then yes, I would keep her home and find something else to do. Or let her go to the party, but pick her up when everyone else goes out to TnT or bring her there when TnT was finished. If it's the age-thing, then maybe your kid can stay behind when the others go out and hand out candy to kids at the door? I would definitely talk to the other mom (or have DD do it). My older teens all went out to TnT thru high school, using younger DD as their excuse to go ("she needs chaparones!"). It was really cute to see one tiny child being shepherded around the neighborhood by a group of teens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Why can't she t&t? We get lot of teens at the house. As long as they have a costume I give them goodies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I'm in the "not a problem" camp. The rule I have for my guys is they can trick-or-treat as long as they are willing to put some thought into a real costume and be polite (not hooligans, of course). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 If your DH doesn't want her to go, then let him make the decision and tell her she can't go. If you have a moral problem with Halloween, don't let her go. If you just think that older kids shouldn't be trick or treating, I think you should let your 16 year old make her own decision. I think trick or treating is for elementary aged kids, JMHO. That being said, we get as many teens as little kids at Halloween, and I just give them candy like anyone else. I told my 6th grader that last year was her last year trick or treating, but if she got invited to a party as a teenager I would let her go. What really annoys me is when teenagers are dressed like hookers and smoking a cigarette, and asking for candy..... :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tori@thehomefront Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 We don't do trick or treating either, never have. We do a fairly elaborate treasure hunt for candy at home instead. So, I'd probably let my dd go a bit late to the sleepover, so as to skip the t-or-t, if she's ok with that. I'd probably approach the hosting parents by saying that we had something planned for the earlier part of the evening, but dd would love to attend the sleepover part, if they're ok with her arriving late. I agree that going along but keeping it from dh would be a bad idea. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I don't see a problem with polite teens trick or treating at all. Like infants, toddlers, or preschoolers are getting a fraction of the candy they're getting out trick or treating? My kids maybe got one or 2 pieces until they were 4 or 5. It's just fun! I don't think it's your place to tell the hostess how you feel unless she asks your opinion. I would politely decline, or put the decision on your husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6030982?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037 Let her go. Let them have fun. :-) I'm buying big bars for big kids this year. I agree with this. I think it's fun when the big kids come to the door, they're very talkative around here and most dress up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondeviolin Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 As long as they're dressed up and polite, I don't care. My 18mos old will go this year for the fun, but you can bet he won't eat most of his candy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 My dd16 is going out with a group again this year. They've never encountered anyone being mean or rude. They dress up and I don't see why they shouldn't be able to trick or treat. It's certainly better than getting into trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I'm in the let her go camp. I think it's tobe teens trick or treat asing as they are being polite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 First you have to sort things out with your dh. If it's going to cause a family feud I would find something else fun to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 You don't want her to go, your dh probably doesn't want her to go, and she said she's ok if you don't let her go. Sounds like a no-brainer to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I would probably let my dd go, but I'll share in general why I don't like teens trick or treating. It's intimidating for me to open the door to what look like men saying trick or treat. People who are taller than me, often in scary costumes, and I'm home alone while dh is with the girls trick-or-treating. This year it will be my 14 yo dd handing out candy. It shouldn't be to people taller and older than her. Most teens are well-intentioned and well-behaved, but I just don't like the feeling of opening the door to groups of teens I don't know. I am not intimidated by teen girls, but to be consistent I would say let everyone age out of trick-or-treating by high school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I have teen trick-or-treaters all of the time. My younger two teens are going. What is the big deal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Another in the let her go camp. Sounds like a fun evening! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I don't care if teens want to TorT. I wouldn't keep something from my dh but I would discuss it with him. I wouldn't want my family to be the "downer" family who ruined all the fun, particularly when it wasn't something I agreed with. I have always been of the "choose your hill" persuasion, this wouldn't be a hill to die on for me. Dh and I are similarly minded. As far as I am aware my teenager plans on TorT-ing this year. They probably won't TorT all that long, they will likely get bored and then watch some movie I am more likely to disapprove of than the TorT-ing. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6030982?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037 Let her go. Let them have fun. :-) I'm buying big bars for big kids this year. Aw, that made me a little teary. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Well, I'm in with the let-teens-do-fun-stuff crowd. I don't care how big you are, you come in a costume and you get candy. One boy came as Dr. Who. Alone. He had to be 14 or so. This year I'm giving him my copies of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as well. He was so sweet. I just felt a kinship with that kid. After all, it's not like they can have adult fun. If we don't want them having grown-up fun we need to let them do some fun kid stuff still. They're just kids even if they look like men. When I was a teen sometimes we'd go to the park in the evening, after the little kids had gone, and play lava tag and swing on the swings. We also went trick or treating in really stupid costumes a couple of years. Too old? I guess so... but we weren't too old to have to go to school. "It's intimidating for me to open the door to what look like men saying trick or treat." I'd much rather give a grown man candy and have him leave, than have to shut the door on the hand of a Comcast salesperson (one literally put his hand in the door frame, jerk) or local political candidate who starts whining about "multi-family homes" (poor people) popping up in the neighborhood. Of course, if we got a lot of criminals here I supposed it would be different. But I can't imagine a lot of little ones going trick or treating in such a neighborhood either. Still, I don't really fear men, per se. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 For the record, if teens show up at my house without costumes, then I give them eyepatches and vampire teeth. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 For the record, if teens show up at my house without costumes, then I give them eyepatches and vampire teeth. :D Target has bags of eyepatches if anyone decides to look for those. :lol: I saw them the other day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prairie~Phlox Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 Thanks everyone. I do plan to talk to my dh. I did e-mail the mom to find out the plans of the evening, just so I know before I approach dh. All communication has been through our daughters, so I don't even know for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine72 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I love the teenage trick or treaters, it's so nice to see them just be able to be kids and have some fun. I'm totally buying a box of full size candy bars for the older kids this year! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6030982?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037 Let her go. Let them have fun. :-) I'm buying big bars for big kids this year. Great article. I used to be really grumpy about teens trick-or-treating, my Dad always was against it. But since I've had my own kids I've come over to the "let them be kids as long as they can" point of view. I do get a bit grumpy about kids who are rude or who have no costume at all (like not even a hat as an effort or something). But I also figure there are bigger things to worry about. It's not clear why the OP disagrees (whether it's T&T in general or for teens). But for the general principle of what to do when you disagree, I think if you feel strongly than you decline the party. You can decline in a nice way "Oh, thank you so much. It sounds fun. Our family doesn't do trick or treating so Susie won't be able to come but I hope you all have a great time." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farmgirl70 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Just to advocate for bigger ones trick or treating…please be careful with the tall ones. My middle son was nearly 6 feet at age 12. We were trick or treating with a few homeschool families with kids the same age and younger. My son loved my friend's little guy (age 4) and helped him up to doors all night long very sweetly. It broke my heart when two or three times grumpy adults asked him why he was still trick or treating and if he wasn't too old. He never went again after that. It totally wrecked it for him. I was angry--I mean, really? A dressed up boy helping a 4 yo? Even if he had been older, would it hurt to give him candy and be kind? Sorry, I know that's my own experience coloring this….and a little bit of a tangent for the OP, but let's be kind out there! BTW, those teen boys may look scary, but the majority of them are just big kids. My guy is now 6'7" and still as gentle as they come, even beneath his beard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I can't get worked up about some teens dressing up and trick or treating; Halloween has become a holiday for everyone. But when there is something DD and friends want to do that I don't like, I don't really have an issue giving them a flat-out no without any guilt attached. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 My 16 year old got invited to a sleepover next week. However, the girls are dressing up & trick or treating. None of the other parents that are letting their girls go, agree with this, but are letting their daughters go anyway. I don't agree & don't know what to do. Either I be the Debbie Downer, & tell the parent hosting how I fell, I let my daughter go, but not tell my husband (which I have a problem with, I know he'll say no." & I don't want to keep this from him) I am totally struggling with this, wwyd. What do you say when you don't agree with something? Dd did say she doesn't care if I don't let her go, if we find something else to do that night. My first thought -- tell dh. Regardless of whether she goes, you don't want to be caught in the middle of something he would disagree with. And if you have good reasons for not wanting her to go and your dd isn't invested enough to feel she really missed out, I'd say plan a great night of girls shopping or family fun and enjoy the evening together. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I don't see the big deal. If you think about it, there are very few fun things for teens to do (that don't cost money). Most parties are geared towards little kids or adults in my experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Just to advocate for bigger ones trick or treating…please be careful with the tall ones. My middle son was nearly 6 feet at age 12. We were trick or treating with a few homeschool families with kids the same age and younger. My son loved my friend's little guy (age 4) and helped him up to doors all night long very sweetly. It broke my heart when two or three times grumpy adults asked him why he was still trick or treating and if he wasn't too old. He never went again after that. It totally wrecked it for him. I was angry--I mean, really? A dressed up boy helping a 4 yo? Even if he had been older, would it hurt to give him candy and be kind? Sorry, I know that's my own experience coloring this….and a little bit of a tangent for the OP, but let's be kind out there! BTW, those teen boys may look scary, but the majority of them are just big kids. My guy is now 6'7" and still as gentle as they come, even beneath his beard. Yup. You really do not know for sure the age. I could get away with it for a long time because as an adult I'm barely past 5ft. When I was 18 a waitress gave me the 12 and under menu. I looked very young for a very long time. Which sure was frustrating, but I can imagine it being harder on kids who look older. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Adding another voice in the "let her go camp". I have no issue with polite teens participating in the fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Yup. You really do not know for sure the age. I could get away with it for a long time because as an adult I'm barely past 5ft. When I was 18 a waitress gave me the 12 and under menu. I looked very young for a very long time. Which sure was frustrating, but I can imagine it being harder on kids who look older. I know a guy who at 42 looks younger than he did at 21. It's crazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I'm in the 'Let's be kind' camp. Halloween is a community event. It's fun. Little kids find it so exciting. I think it's lovely that teens can remember/participate in that excitement without being shut out. Let the teens participate! Let the babies participate! Let the mommies and daddies, who have had very little sleep since the birth of that cute little pumpkin, participate! You're showing off your dear little baby, and I am happy to enjoy your dear little baby all dressed up and adorable. I am happy to give you all treats. :) This life is difficult enough. To bar anyone from an innocent celebration of community is pointless at best. I would be terribly sad if I never again saw a trio of teen girls dressed as Pink Ladies calling 'Trick or Treat!" (Think of this as history. lol) . Or baby Lady Bugs or dinosaurs. :) A toddler sister as Elsa, and a baby sibling as a snowman? That's not cute?! PS. DH and I joke that we should play a drinking game this year. Every Frozen costume gets a tequila shot. But that would mean hangover by 8 pm. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Teens in our town t or t, including my teens! Our town makes it an all ages day...we love it! Please don't refuse older kids or make them feel bad for having fun. Lastly, I really want tequila now! *happi duck waddles away humming let it go...* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 It is trick-or-treating, not strip poker. We get plenty of teens at our house, and I don't care one bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 It is trick-or-treating, not strip poker. We get plenty of teens at our house, and I don't care one bit. lol And while I have never seen kids dressed as 'prostitutes'. The little ones wouldn't get it, and it lets older kids experiment with societal expectations/be outrageous in a safe way. Even Bat Woman wears black boots. ;) And those (*assuming) fake cigarettes? Hello 1970's candy cigs. *Assuming real. I'd quickly say, with any smile I might muster. "Sweetie! Please put that out. We have terrible allergies!" Again, never had that experience! But I agree that smoking is nasty! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 No costume, no candy! But I love the idea of giving out a quick costume with a smile, followed by candy. It is hard to be a teen. :) I bet your dd will have a great time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 My youngest is 15 and the rest are adults and we still tot together as a family. In the town where we tot, almost all of the adults that are out and about are dressed up and about half the ones handing out candy are as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I really can't understand why people object to teens trick-or-treating. What's the harm? Let her go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 No costume, no candy! But I love the idea of giving out a quick costume with a smile, followed by candy. It is hard to be a teen. :) I bet your dd will have a great time. Just an fyi, I did know kids growing up who were too poor for their parents to buy them a costume, and just didn't have the skills or the resources to make something on their own. Not every kid who shows up without a costume is lazy or rude. As long as trick or treaters are polite, I don't care how old they are or if they're costumed or not. It's fun for everyone and you get to meet new people. Win-win. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Both of my teens are ToTing this year. The rule in my family is if you are ToTing still you are with the family, little kids always get to go up to the door first and mind your manners. It is great actually because they take the younger 2 around and I just follow with the car so they have a warm place to sit and thaw as we go (there is usually a snow storm on halloween) THey love to go out and it is not even about the candy (this year ds11 and dd15 have asked if they can just sell their candy to me, I will donate it to the food bank so they can put it in the bins they distribute as treats). DD15 can't eat most of it due to her braces, ds11 just wants cash and ds16 may be giving up a good chunk since he is now on a fairly strict diet. For them it is about clinging on to a bit of their childhood as long as possible. ds11 is 5'4" and 140 lbs, he is big for age and hit full puberty last year, he often gets mistaken as being older than dd15 who is tiny for her age and also only hit puberty last year. SO far no one has cared if my teens are going around, they have complimented them on taking their siblings around and helping little tots up stairs ahead of them etc. hopefully that trend continues this year, I would hate for ds11 to be refused candy on the ground of someone thinking he is too big to go around.. I stopp ToTing officially at 12 but I went out in full costume when I was 16 with a group of friends, we ToTed all the way from my place to the party we were headed to across town (small city so it took a while), it was great fun for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Just an fyi, I did know kids growing up who were too poor for their parents to buy them a costume, and just didn't have the skills or the resources to make something on their own. Not every kid who shows up without a costume is lazy or rude. As long as trick or treaters are polite, I don't care how old they are or if they're costumed or not. It's fun for everyone and you get to meet new people. Win-win. :) Oh, dear, I didn't articulate that well. I agree with your point! I was thinking of a past neighborhood where teens (big, nearly grown teens) would decide to go out at the last minute, and show up late in the evening in a group without making any effort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I would not forbid it but I'd tell my kids that I'd be embarrassed to go trick-or-treating to get candy at that age. And if she really wants to participate in trick-or-treat, she should try to think of some way to combine it with community service. For example, is there a family with young kids that she could take around so the mom can do something else? Or perhaps she could go around and give a homemade treat to the candy-givers instead of taking one? Another thought is to collect on behalf of a kids' charity (and make it very clear that's what you're doing). One year in my town, the high school kids put on an amateur "haunted barn" and gave the kids donuts and cider afterwards. It was really nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 For the record, if teens show up at my house without costumes, then I give them eyepatches and vampire teeth. :D What a great idea! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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