DesertBlossom Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 3 minutes ago, StellaM said: What do people do with Xmas cards that come with a family pic on the front, if it's not like - idk - your relatives ? ie people you actually are related to by blood, marriage or long standing partnership ? I can't imagine putting up a row of pics of other people's families on the mantelpiece ? I mean, I'd put up a card of my sis and my nephew, but that's about it. A lot of people I know do.... put up all the Christmas cards they get from family and friends. At least temporarily until the holidays are over. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmseB Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 16 minutes ago, Farrar said: Yeah - when your parents are so invested in the so, that feels like something that's too much for a relationship that's this young. If they ever break up... which, let's be honest, is pretty likely... it adds an extra layer of difficulty. I guess I think families should be welcoming, but only to a point. This honestly does feel a bit official to me. Like, she sent out a holiday card with them? If it was a bunch of candids from the year, maybe, but in a matching professional photo with the family? Um, it feels like a "this is our family!" announcement, which is way too much pressure on the two of them. They're not even halfway through high school yet. All of this. I would say that the holiday card photo is a symptom of a problem where adults who should know better are putting the bf and gf in a bad situation should they break up in the future. If the gf considers herself part of the family it is a huge loss to her on all sorts of levels if they break up. She's dealing with a break up and a loss of "family". And the family might encourage the bf to stay with her because they just love her so much and included her in all these family events and she's like a daughter-in-law. At 14! That's not healthy at any age, really, but high school? Yikes. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 I'd find that odd. Candid shots or off the cuff ones would be different, but I always see those photos as being "the family". Including a 14 yo gf in "the family just seems odd. And I do think it has a lot of potential to add pressure - as if they should be thinking about each other in what are really pretty permanent terms. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
May Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 Well, my daughter wasn’t included in any photos at her SIL’s wedding. With that said, they were legally married, no wedding yet, her DH was deployed and wasn’t there, so maybe in-laws didn’t think about it😳 I was also at the wedding and tried to put the best construction on it🎄 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 15, 2018 Author Share Posted December 15, 2018 24 minutes ago, StellaM said: What do people do with Xmas cards that come with a family pic on the front, if it's not like - idk - your relatives ? ie people you actually are related to by blood, marriage or long standing partnership ? I can't imagine putting up a row of pics of other people's families on the mantelpiece ? I mean, I'd put up a card of my sis and my nephew, but that's about it. We stick them all up in a particular spot - photo ones, family or not, and traditional ones. It’s brief - they all come down after Christmas (though I sometimes recycle the traditional ones to become gift tags in the future). Some years I stick the family kud ones up on the fridge. I enjoy seeing them, though the whole to do of making them is a bit beyond me, honestly. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmseB Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 11 minutes ago, OKBud said: Well that's the other thing. I don't keep Christmas cards. Ever. Some people sure set a store by them, though. I suppose anyone who feels like girlfriends shouldn't be on the card just place an emotional weight on Christmas cards that I don't. I don't think there's a right or wrong. To be fair, I wouldn't include a high school gf in any family portraits, whether they were going out on Christmas cards or not. We do display Christmas cards we're sent on a thing with twine and tiny clothespins, but that doesn't really have any bearing on my opinion on this issue. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 OK, at first I missed the part about the matching pjs. That is so inappropriate. I think if my daughter's boyfriend's family included her like that, I'd be having some serious talks with her about the family relationship dynamic, expectations, etc. And she is legally an adult! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 37 minutes ago, StellaM said: And how does anyone get a teenage boy to wear PJ's in a family photo shoot that will be sent out all over the land ??!! So many questions... We have a holder that displays all of ours. We keep them up until we take down our decorations. Then they go in a basket in the kitchen. Each Sunday night we pull a card and pray for that family or person all that week. OP, that whole thing with the PJ photo is just super weird and creepy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 15, 2018 Author Share Posted December 15, 2018 14 minutes ago, marbel said: OK, at first I missed the part about the matching pjs. That is so inappropriate. I think if my daughter's boyfriend's family included her like that, I'd be having some serious talks with her about the family relationship dynamic, expectations, etc. And she is legally an adult! Yeah, the first thing dh said was, "Do you think he's in her family's holiday card?" If this was my kids, who are that age, I'd honestly be slightly concerned. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 I would not include a bf/gf unless they were engaged with a ring and a date! I can't even imagine otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 (edited) I just asked my daughter what she thought. I was pleased to see that she was as horrified as I was. The pajamas take it to a whole 'nother level though it would be bad enough without that element. I am dumbfounded how anyone can think that's OK. I wonder if they are in a courting relationship where it's a forgone conclusion that they will marry? I am not necessarily against early marriage but not when it seemed expected or coerced. A high school friend of mine knew who she was expected to marry by the time she was a freshman in high school. He was the only eligible man of the right age group in her church so, that was that. We lost touch right after she got married, which was right after high school - I'm sure I was not considered an appropriate friend, going to college and all. Just to be clear, again, I am not saying that early marriage is necessarily bad. But in my friend's case, I can't help but wonder if she might have wanted things to be different. Edited December 15, 2018 by marbel 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 3 hours ago, PeachyDoodle said: Too soon for me. DH and I were high school sweethearts. Started dating when we were 15. He didn't even come for our family holiday celebrations until we were engaged 4 years later. (Not that he wouldn't have been welcome, but his family had their own traditions, and we didn't try to merge them until we were engaged. I can't imagine including him on our Christmas card in 10th grade.) ETA: And we were solid as a rock from day one. Never broke up. But even so, when my high school marching band planned a trip to Disney, and my parents and sisters planned to tag along, we had to do some fast talking to convince the band director and my parents that we would still be together six months later when the trip rolled around so he could go too. We'd been together at least 2 years (maybe 3?) at that point. But, I mean, we were 17. It was a legit concern. (But a really awesome trip!) Yes to all of this. DH and I have been together since we were 16 and 14 (only not band, LOL, but quiz team, and now we're raising a bunch of little random trivia geeks, haha). I think sometime around maybe when he was in his first or second year of college, and we were still dating, despite the distance, or possibly not until my first year of college, maybe his parents started giving me gifts at Christmas, and maybe sometime in there, we changed up our family traditions enough that we could be included in each other's family dinners or the like. (I mean, after all, if the choice is make a change so teen can be with GF/BF and be in a good mood vs. uphold the traditions just for the sake of doing so but at the same time, make the teen miserable, well, teen leaving family Christmas Eve dinner a little early to attend CE service with GF's family, or whatever, isn't the worst thing in the world.) But Christmas card? That seems strange. Now, maybe if the card had a little blurb about each kid and said something like, "Johnny is still dating Susie, and they had a great time at the prom last spring," or had a pic of the two teens along with a bunch of other pics, that would probably be fine. But definitely not matching PJs! (I will say that maybe my first year of college, my ILs gave me nice warm flannel sheets that were great for college in snow country. That wasn't weird and didn't feel at all weird, and they weren't from their son; they were from kind people who have always treated me like one of their own kids and who thought flannel sheets would be a practical gift that I wouldn't buy for myself. And they were right.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 Hmm. Ds’s school has their second pajama day of the year this next week. High school and middle school students, teachers, everyone may be in pajamas. It’s not mandatory but there will be a lot of public display of pajamas and probably yearbook photos taken for posterity too. I guess neither the pjs on public display nor a friend in a holiday photo seem like a big deal to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 (edited) 12 minutes ago, marbel said: I just asked my daughter what she thought. I was pleased to see that she was as horrified as I was. The pajamas take it to a whole 'nother level though it would be bad enough without that element. I am dumbfounded how anyone can think that's OK. I wonder if they are in a courting relationship where it's a forgone conclusion that they will marry? It doesn’t carry any weighty meaning for me. I don’t expect if I got a holiday photo with the participants wearing reindeer costumes for it mean they are moving to Lapland. It’s okay with me because I don’t attach all the significance to it you seem to and that makes you feel horrified. Of course if ds at some time in future were to ask if we could have family photos for Christmas including wearing pajamas (unlikely to happen since we don’t get holiday photos done at all), I would have in mind how “other people” might react in a horrified way. And might then discuss that. With out this thread I probably would have just said fine. Sounds amusing. Whatever. Not a big deal. Edited December 15, 2018 by Pen Typos etc 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 43 minutes ago, Pen said: It doesn’t carry any weighty meaning for me. I don’t expect if I got a holiday photo with the participants wearing reindeer costumes for it mean they are moving to Lapland. It’s okay with me because I don’t attach all the significance to it you seem to and that makes you feel horrified. Of course if ds at some time in future were to ask if we could have family photos for Christmas including wearing pajamas (unlikely to happen since we don’t get holiday photos done at all), I would have in mind how “other people” might react in a horrified way. And might then discuss that. With out this thread I probably would have just said fine. Sounds amusing. Whatever. Not a big deal. That's fine; we can disagree. I didn't mean to make it sound as if I was speaking for the world. To me, it is highly inappropriate. Pajamas in a family home setting indicate an intimacy (and I don't mean sexual) that seems out of place with a high-school girlfriend in the midst. It is even completely different from everyone at school wearing pajamas for a day. To me. Now I find myself wondering how they signed the card. Merry Christmas from the Smith Family and Nancy Jones? I also can't imagine why you would base any family photo decisions on what random internet people might think about them! :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 15, 2018 Author Share Posted December 15, 2018 1 hour ago, marbel said: I wonder if they are in a courting relationship where it's a forgone conclusion that they will marry? Definitely not. The in-laws are atheists, I think. Or, at least, agnostics. They go to the UU church sometimes. They are not traditional like that in any way. And I think sil regrets her youngish first marriage. Just now, marbel said: Now I find myself wondering how they signed the card. Merry Christmas from the Smith Family and Nancy Jones? It wasn't signed at all. It just said Merry Christmas (or Happy Holidays or something... can't quite remember now). That was part of what confused us. At first, we were like, who IS that in the reindeer pj's with them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 3 minutes ago, Farrar said: Definitely not. The in-laws are atheists, I think. Or, at least, agnostics. They go to the UU church sometimes. They are not traditional like that in any way. And I think sil regrets her youngish first marriage. It wasn't signed at all. It just said Merry Christmas (or Happy Holidays or something... can't quite remember now). That was part of what confused us. At first, we were like, who IS that in the reindeer pj's with them? We also got one picture card this year with an extra adult (we’re assuming he’s the boyfriend or fiancé of the young adult daughter, but really have no clue) and no signatures. They all had on matching college sweatshirts from our alma mater, although only the dad went there (and maybe the mystery man; who knows since we have no idea who he is). 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 15, 2018 Author Share Posted December 15, 2018 4 minutes ago, Frances said: We also got one picture card this year with an extra adult (we’re assuming he’s the boyfriend or fiancé of the young adult daughter, but really have no clue) and no signatures. They all had on matching college sweatshirts from our alma mater, although only the dad went there (and maybe the mystery man; who knows since we have no idea who he is). Lol! It makes you long for the days of the long photocopied letter with tons of information shoved into the card with a pretty print on the front and accompanied by a photo that was developed at the drug store. At least then you would have had an explanation! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 15, 2018 Author Share Posted December 15, 2018 You know, I realize, we're assuming that it's the gf. For all I know, they acquired another kid somehow. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 15, 2018 Author Share Posted December 15, 2018 1 minute ago, Thatboyofmine said: an exchange student maybe? Hehe. I'm mostly just being silly. I've never seen her, but I'm almost positive it's the gf, and not a beloved neighbor or surprise foster child or exchange student or anything. I mean... I think... I do think that other recipients of the card may be more confused than us though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RootAnn Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 2 minutes ago, Farrar said: Lol! It makes you long for the days of the long photocopied letter with tons of information shoved into the card with a pretty print on the front and accompanied by a photo that was developed at the drug store. At least then you would have had an explanation! Well, we'll have the long letter (typed, single spaced, double sided) to send out again this year. We had school pictures taken (every other year), so some relatives will get those in their envelopes, too. Some years (usually when we add a baby), we include the photo (usually made into a print by Wal-Mart or Walgreens). My vote goes for finacés only. For religious reasons, I would not include SOs who are shack-ups. I'm not sure baby-mamas and baby-daddies would make it into a family picture either, but hopefully won't have to ever decide that. We generally don't do professional family photos ourselves and balk when my mother wants to do them, too. Just not our style. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 5 hours ago, Farrar said: She's wearing the same xmas pj's as everyone else in the main photo. That just crossed the line into icky for me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 2 hours ago, StellaM said: What do people do with Xmas cards that come with a family pic on the front, if it's not like - idk - your relatives ? ie people you actually are related to by blood, marriage or long standing partnership ? I can't imagine putting up a row of pics of other people's families on the mantelpiece ? I mean, I'd put up a card of my sis and my nephew, but that's about it. Several close emotionally, but far in distance, friends send me holiday cards with pictures. They go on mantle for the season. Then either I get rid of them, or file them in mementos. I love all the personal cards, photos, notes, thus far, whatever they are. I can’t imagine feeling critical about the picture a friend or family member would send. I wonder if size of family or even weather at this season makes a difference. We have a very small family, and only one member of my extended family sends Christmas cards at all. And it is a cold and dreary time of year here which seems “warmed” a bit by photos and cards. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 16, 2018 Author Share Posted December 16, 2018 Has anyone ever read that Rainbow Rowell novel Attachments? One of the main characters is in a decade-long relationship with a guy who is definitely interested in staying with her forever, but not interested in marriage ever. At her sister's wedding, her family relents for the first time and includes him in all the photos. They break up the next day. Obviously that could happen to a married couple as well. I was just thinking of it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 37 minutes ago, Margaret in CO said: We're in the middle of this right now. Two dhs can't come for Christmas, but one fiancee will be there. And probably a bf. The fiancee will be in formal photos; the bf will not. I made the fiancee a stocking, but declined to for the bf. I think the bf is going to be around a very long time (probably for good), but I told dd no to the stocking for him. "You're not engaged." End of discussion. We'll take a few with the bf, and then I'll hand the camera to J and say, "Let's get some with just the family." The fiance will be in those. The ring is on the finger. Yeah, this seems a little harsh to me. I'm not in your position, but if I were, I'd try to find a kinder way of dealing with it. The boyfriend means enough to be included in the celebration so I'd find a better way of dealing with pictures rather than announcing let's get some with "just the family." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 1 hour ago, Farrar said: You know, I realize, we're assuming that it's the gf. For all I know, they acquired another kid somehow. Lol. Maybe you should ask them who it is! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I’m a no boyfriends/girlfriends in family pictures person. For me, it’s personal. The last full family photo with both of my hisband’s brothers in it has nephew’s girlfriend in it. It’s a photo I wish we could frame, but honestly we don’t even remember the girl’s name. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I don't think any of it is a big deal. Of course, I'm scratching my head over some of the comments regarding the idea of the pjs being inappropriate and icky. They're just pjs! I know many families who like having fun matching Christmas pjs and it's not my thing but whatever. My mom always gives us all Christmas pjs early in December (they don't match, though) and she's always included bf/gs/and spouses. My SIL has been in my life since I was 12 and she was 15 and there was nothing weird about having her at holidays, in pictures, or my mom including her with the pjs gift giving. Neither dh or I would feel weird if our dc were given pjs by a gf/bf and/or their families for holiday photos either. It's just a picture. I just always make sure to also get photos without bf/gf and it's never been an issue. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 As far as excluding SOs from family pictures I think it is like so many other things. If the family is otherwise warm and welcoming it won’t feel like a big rejection, just a family quirk or preference. But if the guys’s Mom (or the reverse) is always mean than it is just one more thing to cause tension. For annual holiday pictures I’m not sure I’d make a fuss...life is messy and part of that is relationships end and people are in and out of families even after a marriage. But for big things like a wedding or a special family photo I can definitely see the “just family” approach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 (edited) FWIW, our annual family calendar for the grandparents has a picture of the SIX of us on the cover (i.e. including DD's bf and DS' gf). We were excited to be all together for Thanksgiving, the first time since Thanksgiving 2 years ago. Most pics of the kids include the S/O's - it's the only way I get pics of DS, and I rarely see DD. DS has took gf to Germany this past summer to stay with grandparents. I assume my parents will be happy to see a part of their grandchildren's lives. Edited December 16, 2018 by regentrude 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 13 minutes ago, TechWife said: I’m a no boyfriends/girlfriends in family pictures person. For me, it’s personal. The last full family photo with both of my hisband’s brothers in it has nephew’s girlfriend in it. It’s a photo I wish we could frame, but honestly we don’t even remember the girl’s name. I agree. I don't think it has to be a big deal, either, to take some pictures with everyone present, then some of just the family. Shoot, I have been married 23 years and when we are with my inlaws, I still am sure to get get a picture of my husband and our kids with his folks, without me in it. And I think if a bf/gf was upset or hurt or offended by being asked not to be in all the family pictures... mmm I might suggest my kid think about why that bf/gf was offended and what other things might offend them and what that might mean for the future. This doesn't mean I don't think bf/gfs should never be in photos with a family. Like the calendar Regentrude describes above, what could be wrong with that? I am talking about having some photos from family gatherings which include families only. I don't think anyone is suggesting "no photos of bf/gfs ever." I think that would be silly. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I really agree that high school relationships don’t need to be treated like they are headed for marriage. I just don’t think that being in a pajama photo signifies that. My niece had a boyfriend for 3 years and we all really liked him, but she has a different boyfriend now. But we still hear a little about her previous boyfriend, they are still in touch and he and the current boyfriend were all in the same group. I feel like we don’t take it that seriously in a long-term way, but we liked to include him while he was around. I think my niece does best when she is treated in a mature way. It appeals to her better instincts. I don’t feel awkward or ashamed of my main highschool boyfriend. He was a nice person. I don’t feel like I need to erase him from memory or pretend he didn’t attend some family events with me. But at the same time — I do totally agree that too much family emphasis on high school relationships puts a lot of stress and pressure on young people that just makes things harder for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I would generally say nope to this but one possible situation is that the girl comes from a rough background and they wanted to include her with all the family stuff so as to create a sense of welcome/inclusion? That’s probably not the case, I get that. I just wanted to try and see if there was an instance it would be understable. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I am just trying to think about the conversation. Had my high school boyfriend's mother asked me what my pj size was and then went shopping for said items and then wanted me to don them and sit for a formal family photo, I would have definitely went running into the night! Impromptu photos are one thing, professional photos made into the annual family momento and then sent to all of those relatives are quite a different thing. It does occur to me to that one reaction many be having to the pajamas is that this is the attire one normally wears to bed and wakes up in so it implies "spent the night". For many it would be unthinkable to allow minors, and especially 14/15/16 year old ones to have overnight boyfriend or girlfriend unless an emergency warranted it, and would not be thrilled with the imagery. The reality is that MIL bought Christmas jammies for the kids one year when they were young. They wore them to bed on Christmas Eve, and opened gifts in them on Christmas Morn. So that may be a sticking point especially if this is against the family religion. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 16, 2018 Author Share Posted December 16, 2018 19 minutes ago, LucyStoner said: I would generally say nope to this but one possible situation is that the girl comes from a rough background and they wanted to include her with all the family stuff so as to create a sense of welcome/inclusion? That’s probably not the case, I get that. I just wanted to try and see if there was an instance it would be understable. Yeah, that did occur to me, just because I knew someone for whom that was the case when they were young. I'm pretty sure from things that have been said about her that this is not the case here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 16, 2018 Author Share Posted December 16, 2018 13 minutes ago, Faith-manor said: I am just trying to think about the conversation. Had my high school boyfriend's mother asked me what my pj size was and then went shopping for said items and then wanted me to don them and sit for a formal family photo, I would have definitely went running into the night! I don't know what I would have done. I had three semi-serious relationships in high school and a couple of other fling type ones... I'm imagining my 9th grade bf's mom. She was a real character. And that bf turned out to be gay. I guess it could have been the proof that he just one time dated a woman? Lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 8 hours ago, Farrar said: Holiday card from sil and bil came yesterday. Most of the photos included... nephew's gf. They're in 10th grade. They've been dating for awhile - apparently she's really nice and everyone loves her. But we all still were like, who is that? Oh, it's nephew's gf. So, I think nearly everyone I know would think this is too soon, right? Has anyone ever seen something like this before? At what point do you include a significant other/bf/gf/partner? I mean, it seems obvious that after many years together for an adult, even if they're unmarried, I definitely would. This was just slightly jarring. To each their own... I was just confused and surprised. And I can't help wondering what HER family's holiday card looks like! I wouldn't include them until they are officially engaged (e.g., a ring and a date). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippiemamato3 Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 (edited) 2 hours ago, unsinkable said: Yeah, this seems a little harsh to me. I'm not in your position, but if I were, I'd try to find a kinder way of dealing with it. The boyfriend means enough to be included in the celebration so I'd find a better way of dealing with pictures rather than announcing let's get some with "just the family." I agree. I think it sounds hurtful to completely exclude him and set him as "less important", especially since you think he could be 'forever.' Also, I wouldn't classify a fiance as the "next level" if you're going to break it down that way. For me, a stocking would come after marriage...not just because there's a ring. Edited December 16, 2018 by hippiemamato3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 9 hours ago, regentrude said: Can it be that your nephew has asked whether she can be in the pic? And your SIL didn't want to say "no, because she's not family"? That was my assumption. I wondered whether it was a matter of "Sure, Mom, I'll consent to make an appearance in the family photo as long as my girlfriend is in it, too." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 (edited) I think what makes this uncomfortable for me is the idea of it being printed and mailed out to complete strangers (to the GF). I can't quite articulate what I mean by that. It sort of messes with the temporary and awkward nature of young relationships, and emphasizes it for memory when it may be best someday forgotten. I'm sure many people are fine reflecting on past relationships and accepting them as part of their personal history... and then there's me, cringing hard enough to grind my teeth out of my skull remembering everything I said/did/thought more than an hour ago. I don't even want to think about the pre-DH boyfriends. Ugh. Edited December 16, 2018 by BarbecueMom 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 16, 2018 Author Share Posted December 16, 2018 1 hour ago, Danae said: But these are reindeer pjs! Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm picturing the big baggy one-pieces with hoods that everybody probably put over their clothes for the picture. They really don't evoke "spend the night" to me. Really more of a costume than nightwear. Edit: like this. More like the kind of matching pj’s that you get from that company that sells the ones for the whole family. They have a young kid as well, so these had to fit adults, teens, and an elementary schooler. Definitely not sexy sleepwear in any sense, but definitely sleepwear. There are red noses and reindeer antlers in some shots. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I never imagined it would matter what or who was on the front of a Christmas card, when it's going to be in the recycling bin a fortnight later. Except for the pyjamas. I'm kind of traumatised about people older than grade 2 having pyjama photos sent out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
easypeasy Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I don't think having a gf in Christmas photos for cards are too bad. I imagine that the family (since they were professionally done) probably had a few taken of the "core' family that they will keep for future in case the gf doesn't become a permanent family member... Worse, I think, is taking senior pictures with the gf in every single shot. Someone in dh's family did that and I was like... ummm... Are you sure you shouldn't get some of "Jack" alone?" and the family member insisted that the gf was going to be part of the family "very soon." lol GF and Jack moved in together immediately after graduation and broke up a year later (she cheated on him was the rumor... it was a nasty breakup). Now the family member took down the senior photos of her son throughout the house and has exactly zero photos to put back up because gf was in every. single, picture. lol So their house has huge, framed senior portraits and collages of the younger son and none of the older one. lololol Reindeer pajama'd Christmas photos aren't likely to be enlarged and put up on the wall forever, so I see those are more temporary - and appropriate for possibly-temporary people in the photos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 10th grade romance? No way. I would try to wait until an engagement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I have a lot of family pictures (including big family reunions, cousins' graduations, grandparents' birthdays, etc.) with my high school boyfriend in them, but he was never in a family card! Funny enough, it was never an issue with my husband. We met in February and were married in October, lol. I'd probably see the card thing as weird as an outsider, but it's *possible (not sure how likely) that I wouldn't think much of being the one to do it. Like I said, my boyfriend was in everything else. He was a real part of my immediate and extended family, as I was his. Both of my teens are in long (for teens) relationships, but they don't live around the corner from one another like we did, so it's slightly different. Their whole lives aren't as intertwined. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 8 hours ago, Farrar said: More like the kind of matching pj’s that you get from that company that sells the ones for the whole family. They have a young kid as well, so these had to fit adults, teens, and an elementary schooler. Definitely not sexy sleepwear in any sense, but definitely sleepwear. There are red noses and reindeer antlers in some shots. My main issue with that is, they are so expensive I’m not paying for a whole ‘nother one! 😄 Seriously, every year I get that catalog and think, “This would make such a fun card,” and then I note they are $70-90/ea. and I say, “Times five? For pjs?! Nevermind!” 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 My daughter has been dating a boy for nearly a year... I haven't met his parents since I evaluated him for the swim team 18 months ago (he decided to run cross country). I can't imagine sending a card out with him on it. I barely take photos of my kids with their gf/bf -- mostly because it seems like the harbinger of doom. Took photos of DS and his 1st gf... they broke up the next day. Took photos of DS and his 2nd gf (for prom), they broke up the next day... he's on gf #3, took photos of her and she moved to Alaska (lol -- she was moving anyway, she seems to be sticking, much to my surprise). I don't think I'd include them in a family holiday card unless they are engaged, or an engagement seems on the horizon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 Sidetrack: @LisaK in VA is in IT Good to see you! Missed seeing you around, unless I just haven’t been on the same threads as you. Back to the original thread 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry in OH Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I wouldn't think twice about a high school sweetheart on the sort of holiday card I usually send and receive. A candid shot or two sent to a 1-hour lab, no big deal. I expect most recipients toss the cards after the holiday. I would not expect to see a bf/gf in a formal family portrait. Pajamas as clothing is a popular trend with teens. I can imagine that two young people might choose to wear matching sets. But I cannot imagine they would willingly wear the same pajamas as the rest of the family. I especially cannot imagine adults willingly wearing pajamas for any photos beyond a few early morning Christmas shots (to which they would object if they were actually awake). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theelfqueen Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 Ds and now-DIL were engaged 4 years. This year, for the first time I included a photo of the six of us (including DIL) in the Christmas cards. The last couple of years the included photo didnt even include Oldest DS lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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