Liz CA Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 (edited) I would under no circumstances return the call. I am wondering why you are afraid? Could he show up at your doorstep? Harass your girls? Just wondering what it is you are fearing? But be that as it may - please don't call. Edited August 23, 2017 by Liz CA 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Nope, nope, nope. My red flag alarm is blaring after reading your post. Nothing good can happen if you contact him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 NO. No guilt. No call back. No nothing. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 What would you tell your girls to do in the same situation? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Just don't.......... not worth your sanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Oh, hell no. There is no reason for you to ever speak to him again. Ever. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Oh, hell no. There is no reason for you to ever speak to him again. Ever. this. times 1000. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 This precise moment in time is what boundaries are for. Don't be a chump (ala the Chump Lady)! Why haven't you blocked his # yet? If you don't want to do that (for some good reason), just label his phone # as DO NOT ANSWER. That way you or kids don't accidentally pick up. Or you can label it what I had to label two numbers: Under no circumstances answer this call or listen to any voicemail". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Oh, hell no. There is no reason for you to ever speak to him again. Ever. Well, there you go. MercyA cursed. You should rest easy knowing that the answer is no. And just in case you need another vote - Oh, Hell No!!!!!! ---imagine that bolded and 64 pt font 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 How is this guy not already blocked??? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 NO! You don't owe him a thing, not an explanation, not a minute of your time, not another thought. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 I never blocked a phone number before. But I just blocked his. Funny thing though, this is actually not his usual number. It is also from somewhere not far from here. So that is really creepy. Last I heard he was in the New York City area (not near me). 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I never blocked a phone number before. But I just blocked his. Funny thing though, this is actually not his usual number. It is also from somewhere not far from here. So that is really creepy. Last I heard he was in the New York City area (not near me). So. If this guy is near you now, get really serious with your gut feeling and make some decisions. If your gut tells you he is going to only annoying, fine. But if your gut doesn't really know what to think, please call the local non-emergency phone number if the police, ask to speak to an officer, describe the situation, and ask him/her whT you should do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenn in FL Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I never blocked a phone number before. But I just blocked his. Funny thing though, this is actually not his usual number. It is also from somewhere not far from here. So that is really creepy. Last I heard he was in the New York City area (not near me). You Go Girl! :hurray: That's Step #1. Step #2 : Vigilance. Keep in mind: He may be using either a borrowed or a 'burner' phone and hence, nowhere near your location. Try looking it up...again. Step #3 : Don't escalate this to panic mode at this moment. Breathe. Again. And Again. He will NOT be allowed to control you or your actions! Sounds like (from your google search) that he's 'chumming' for a rec of some sort... and to reiterate your words...NFW! THIS x 1000!!!!! Step #4 : Start a ridiculously detailed log. #now of any communication from him that you receive. Step #5 : Trust people here. If you are anywhere remotely close to FL and feel the need to 'leave the area,' please let me/us know. Have space. Lots of it... :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I'll just add to the chorus. It's a big ol hellllls No. Do not respond. Do not react. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 NO!!!!!!! You got great advice from everyone here :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 I think that if he was going to actually attack me, he would have done it some time in the past 12 years. But I agree that being in contact could give him the wrong idea, and then, who knows what .... I was dumb and told him some things when we were dating, which he threatened to use against my friends and family. More smear stuff than anything else. That said, since he got violent with me when we were merely dating, I worry that he would go to extremes. I mean he's nuts ... and he's a drinker. I just want him to forget I exist. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSmomof2 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 No, do not respond. Block the number. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I think you are about to witness one of those historic moments where we all agree, so brace yourself. :lol: Do not even think about calling him back, and yes, block his number! :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: And if he escalates this crap, look into getting a restraining order. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okra Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 No. No. No. When the hive agrees 100 percent, you know they are right. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoutingmom Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Another HELL NO. (And I am not someone that swears either) Sent from my SM-G903W using Tapatalk 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guinevere Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 No!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Nope! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I think that if he was going to actually attack me, he would have done it some time in the past 12 years. But I agree that being in contact could give him the wrong idea, and then, who knows what .... I was dumb and told him some things when we were dating, which he threatened to use against my friends and family. More smear stuff than anything else. That said, since he got violent with me when we were merely dating, I worry that he would go to extremes. I mean he's nuts ... and he's a drinker. I just want him to forget I exist. Expletive. Keep a log. Document, document, document. Leave town if you need to. Make sure you have an escape plan. Make sure your kids are not vulnerable in this situation. Do you have codes with them? Does everyone else who is ever responsible for them know not to release them to anyone but you? He sounds like he might be working up to some kind of crescendo. That's not good. PS Definitely don't call back, but be cautious also. He sounds really nuts. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Do not call him. Violence and other bad things happened. It is possible people can change and occasionally people do change but usually people do not change. Sent from my SM-G355M using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Do not call him. Violence and other bad things happened. It is possible people can change and occasionally people do change but usually people do not change. Sent from my SM-G355M using Tapatalk Sometimes they change but true change doesn't demand things from other people--only from the changing person him/herself So if s/he has changed s/he will not be making demands on others, only on him/herself. I don't mean to argue with you, Lanny. But I do believe that people can change--and that true change has reliable markers--one of which is not making demands on other people. This is a safeguard for those who could be used and also a safeguard for those who are honest in changing. And damn, gender issues are a PITB on a phone keyboard. Lord, have mercy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Sometimes they change but true change doesn't demand things from other people--only from themselves. So if he has changed he will not be making demands on others, only on himself. I don't mean to argue with you, Lanny. But I do believe that people can change--and that true change has reliable markers--one of which is not making demands on other people. This is a safeguard fir those who could be used and also a safeguard for those who are honest in changing. Lord, have mercy. Yes occasionally people do change. I agree with that. But I think that is on the rare side. People can change but I think usually they don't change. Sent from my SM-G355M using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Yes occasionally people do change. I agree with that. But I think that is on the rare side. People can change but I think usually they don't change. Sent from my SM-G355M using Tapatalk It's rare. By their fruits you shall know them. It calls for discernment. Just me, trying to find the path between being hard-hearted and a fool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 If you do any social media using your name, either delete your accounts or lock them down as tight as possible. Make sure your family and children don't have wide open social media accounts either. I mean, I would be concerned that he could find out information about you through them. I was surprised how much information can be gathered just by looking at a FB account of a person that's not even a friend. I'm kind of creeped out he is still considering contacting you at this point in the game, 12 years ago? You should not have to be looking over your shoulder 12 years later. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 No don't call him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 No, you should not call unless you FaceTime with a couple of Bubbas standing next to you holding machine guns. Anyone can reverse lookup on phone numbers to get addresses, employers, etc. So unless you enjoy torture or putting your children in danger, do not call, and egg him into your life. Also, do not answer your door for awhile or let any children do it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saddlemomma Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 DON'T CALL. He sounds like a classic stalker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Hive unanimous. Stay the hell away. I agree that there's a control component and if he feels he gained any ground with you, it will be only more difficult to get him out of your life again. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I agree with everyone . Do not respond. If perchance you accidentally answer the phone and it is him, cut him off with "A restraining order is being filed. If you contact me again you will be prosecuted" and HANG UP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Heck no. You have no reason for or responsibility to answer him. Absolutely not. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acadie Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I do believe that people can change--and that true change has reliable markers--one of which is not making demands on other people. Wow, this insight is incredibly helpful to me, something I've vaguely intuited but had never been able to put into words. Thanks so much. Amy 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 No contact. If you have a mutual friend, you need to tell them that he was so abusive you would appreciate it if they did not give out your personal contact info. You have dc and you do not have extra time to spend on his issues. If you have a male mutual friend he is afraid of, now is a good time to ask them to discourage him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 imagine if this was your daughter or sister... and you went through the whole awful relationship with her.... would you advise her to call back? H... e.. double hockey sticks NO! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Nope. Stay away. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Ignore him. The end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 During my dating years, I had several like this including one that tried to visit me after I relocated. He was on a business trip, and thankfully I was out and in a high rise with a receptionist who just took a message. A "friend" gave him my address, but thankfully no phone number. I had the receptionist record that I only wanted messages taken until further notice. And indeed, he came by every day that he was in town. I was so happy when the messages stopped and never heard from him again. He was a creepy guy. At one point after we had broken up, he'd sit on my steps to talk to me in the morning when I was going to work. I had a police officer friend talk to him, and that stopped. Then three years later, he shows up many states away. Jeez! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexigail Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Have you read The Gift of Fear? There's a story in there about how the only way to deal with a stalker/ demanding person is to stop responding completely. It's the response, no matter how small, that makes them come looking for more. Good Luck, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I hope for you that you're right and he just wants you to be a reference for a job or to write something positive for his website, and I think it's pretty plausible that that's what he wants... but it doesn't matter, since you can't give him a good reference anyway, so even if he's changed and he's the most wonderful person on the planet now (which is extremely unlikely), it still wouldn't matter. So, no. Just ignore him. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Just no. Nothing good can come from it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 So. If this guy is near you now, get really serious with your gut feeling and make some decisions. If your gut tells you he is going to only annoying, fine. But if your gut doesn't really know what to think, please call the local non-emergency phone number if the police, ask to speak to an officer, describe the situation, and ask him/her whaT you should do. THIS right here! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JBJones Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 (edited) Run screaming in the opposite direction. DO NOT RESPOND IN ANY WAY. Do whatever you have to do to feel safe. (When I was younger and in a similar situation, I armed myself) Edited August 23, 2017 by JBJones Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 (edited) Ignore, block, and stay aware. How hard is it to change your number? I'd look into that. Your last post has me a little worried now. IIRC, SKL has her own work from home business. I expect that would make it a pain to get her new number to all of her clients as well as anywhere her number is published. Edited August 23, 2017 by Lady Florida. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I hope he is discouraged by your silence and slinks away but if not, read Patty Joanna's reply again and again. :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie in AR Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I just want him to forget I exist. Then don't respond. Don't respond. Don't respond. I know someone who, years ago, would have a drink with a co-worker after working hours to explain to him that they couldn't possibly have a personal relationship and that he needed to stop asking her to do things outside of the office. :::Insert huge eyeroll::: Don't be that person. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Another NO! #keepingitunanimous 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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