Would you travel alone....or just you and the kids?

[mom@shiloh]

Yes.  I've done it many times.

[maize]

Ummm . . . . of course. I guess I don't really understand why it's even a question?

Perhaps the person who commented just feels anxious alone in new circumstances.

 

But I wonder if their response would be the same to a man traveling alone for a business trip?

[Ottakee]

To be fair dh has traveled alone with our oldest daughter several times. We do enjoy travel as a family but sometimes one location appeals to one of us much more than the other.

 

Two of ours have rather extensive medical needs and a lot of prep and planning is required to travel with them. Then two are foster right now so any out of state travel must be approved by the court and we are limited by visit schedules, court hearings, etc. Add in a few hobby farm animals and a a brand new job for dh and traveling gets more complicated.

[Zinnia]

They may be like us where hubby really wants to go to the aquarium or zoo... it hardly seems fair to go without him when that's the case.  "Sorry honey, we need you to go to work so we can have fun!"

 

If he doesn't want to go, then that's different, of course.

 

This really never occured to me.   :lol:   My dh can't stand kid-centered activities.  I can't really, either, but I take it on as my job during the week.  

On the weekends, we hike or explore new places or go do more family stuff--not exclusive kid centered things.  Those are seen as one of the things I do because I'm the kid person during the week.

[historically accurate]

I pair up with my mother. We've taken 5 big road trips over the last 3 years. DH gets quite a bit of vacation time, but we usually have to spend it working around the house or he's just tired or there's no money, etc. etc. So, my mom and I and my children take off in her motorhome and tour the country. 

 

ETA: I would totally go on my own or just me and the kids, but my mom helps with travel expenses and it gives her memories with the kids.

Edited December 7, 2016 by beckyjo

[Pam in CT]

All the time, all ages (my kids are old now, and easy, but I always did it), all sorts of places.  Until fairly recently my husband worked very long hours (rarely got home before 9 or 10) and sufficiently unpredictable projects that he could rarely commit in advance to taking vacation.  I'd never have gone anywhere, including family life cycle events or visiting my brother in Asia, were I not willing to do it on my own.  I'd have been a seething mass of frustration had I not early on taken the view of "I'll plan it and we'll do it and if it turns out you can join up with us for a bit that's awesome."  Everyone was happier, including him.

 

That said I do orient trips without him differently that those with him.  I'm not comfortable driving a rental car on the "wrong" side of the road or where English isn't common; he is, God bless him, willing to do it just about anywhere.  So if he's not with us I plan on public transportation.  I can't captain a boat; so those trips are only when he's committed in advance.

 

When the kids were little I always took all of them -- given his schedule leaving any of them with him was never an option.  Now that they're old I've often done things just with one of them, which is a particular joy.

[creekland]

We do enjoy travel as a family but sometimes one location appeals to one of us much more than the other.

 

Hubby and I have been discussing this thread this morning (he hasn't read it, but I gave him a summary).  We both think this is one of the keys as to why we are different (than the Hive majority).  We like the same things - locations, activities, etc.  If we had our own buckets (bucket list), they would include the same places.  We don't compromise or take turns picking or anything like that.

 

This was quite the key to drawing me to him prior to marriage.  I was a bit of a loner - liked my own way/style/etc.  I had friends, but not to the point of peer pressure.  I marched to my own drummer.  He marches right along beside me without missing a step.  I've found that shared company (when we each want the same thing) is pretty darn awesome and beats solo traveling.

 

He also started his own business a couple of decades ago partially due to wanting more freedom than he got (time-wise) working for someone else, so he has time.  There are certain things he needs to be in town for once in a while.  I work around those when I schedule things.  I do the same for my job actually.

 

This really never occured to me.   :lol:   My dh can't stand kid-centered activities.  I can't really, either, but I take it on as my job during the week.  

On the weekends, we hike or explore new places or go do more family stuff--not exclusive kid centered things.  Those are seen as one of the things I do because I'm the kid person during the week.

 

My hubby is definitely different.  He wanted to be a dad from the beginning.  He started changing diapers in the hospital when they were born.  He went with the kids on their school field trips in elementary school (we didn't start homeschooling until later).  He coached their community soccer team after attending for a year or two and feeling he could do it better (he did)!

 

While he worked during the day I'd take kids to play groups, parks, or even the beach (when we lived in FL), but for anything more major, he's always wanted to be a part.  I see no need to deny him those opportunities.  We only live once.  Being a dad is still major to him.  When we go to visit college boys, he's always along enjoying the experience.

 

With his own business - he works from home.  I work outside the home.  That started when youngest was three.  He's enjoyed the SAHD experience even though he's worked the whole time - earning 90% of our income.  

 

I'll admit to loving having such a "made for me" partner.  He's a great husband too - those things are simply top priorities in his life.  I could travel without him, but I honestly don't want to.  It would be like a punishment for him.  Even this past month when I went to my mom's for her medical issues.  I expected to go alone.  It's not really a trip, after all.  He asked if I'd mind if he came along... My mom loves him too, so why not?  He can work from there the same as here and we have neighbors who willingly farm sit for us.  It's still nice having a shared experience even if it wasn't an uplifting one.

Edited December 7, 2016 by creekland

[maize]

Is it bad that I'm totally fine with going on a trip by myself with kids, but when dh suggested taking several of the younger kids on a cross country trip alone I was not at all enthusiastic?

 

I just didn't think his particular plans were realistic, it wasn't something I would have done.

[Alicia64]

I've traveled with my boys on my own. I've also had friends look at me like, "really?! You go alone?"

 

I do make it a point to stay in safe areas, know where I'm going etc. I accidentally picked a decent hotel in an "iffy" neighborhood. I realized that the situation wasn't as safe as I'd like and we stayed inside until we left and made it to the next place.

 

Alley

[Spryte]

Of course!

[QueenCat]

I guess I can't imagine the opposite- not going anywhere without dh. I traveled all the time with the kids, from the time the oldest was just a few months old. I would have only gone to see my family once a year if I hadn't. When we were young, dh didn't have much vacation time so it was the only way I was able to go to weddings, special events or just to see people. Until the kids were about 8-10, they went with me. After that, I sometimes went by myself for a quick trip. And I traveled for work, but that was always within a 3-4 drive from home, and usually for just 3 days, about once a month. But when I wasn't traveling, I worked from home so that made up for it.  Prehomeschooling ;) When the youngest hit high school, dh and I would leave for the weekend a couple of times a year. Great for us, great for the kids too.

[QueenCat]

 

My hubby is definitely different.  He wanted to be a dad from the beginning.  He started changing diapers in the hospital when they were born.  He went with the kids on their school field trips in elementary school (we didn't start homeschooling until later).  He coached their community soccer team after attending for a year or two and feeling he could do it better (he did)!

 

While he worked during the day I'd take kids to play groups, parks, or even the beach (when we lived in FL), but for anything more major, he's always wanted to be a part.  I see no need to deny him those opportunities.  We only live once.  Being a dad is still major to him.  When we go to visit college boys, he's always along enjoying the experience.

 

 

Well, wanting to be involved is something my dh is too. He's a great dad. And a great husband. But that doesn't mean it's bad that he isn't always available to travel with us. Our travel without him wasn't for vacations but for going to see family. He just didn't have that much time off to go with us every time.

[shawthorne44]

I've traveled with my boys on my own. I've also had friends look at me like, "really?! You go alone?"

 

I do make it a point to stay in safe areas, know where I'm going etc. I accidentally picked a decent hotel in an "iffy" neighborhood. I realized that the situation wasn't as safe as I'd like and we stayed inside until we left and made it to the next place.

 

Alley

 

I think the first statement is the reason this is a question.  Some people don't even feel comfortable going to the movies or a restaurant alone.  

[Ellesmere]

The simple answer is yes, I would.

Since being married, I coincidentally I have not had the chance to travel alone or just with the kids. Not dh's fault or wish. I just have some minor medical issues that can randomly leave me unable to care for the kids all alone. I have family near by when he is at work that bail me out but to travel alone, atm, is a bit risky. My mom and I have gone with just the kids, though.

Also, we both felt more comfortable together when the kids were really little and we were outnumbered by them. We're both a bit disorganized, lol. I hate driving, too, and he loves it.

Oh, we have not had time and/or money to go away for long. Our longest trip from home was to the next state for medical needs and it was a whole four nights and it did end up being nice because we went over another state line for a day out. We've never just gone away for fun for very long. On the short trips we've done, I needed all available hands on deck to help me manage the kids but again, that's just me being sometimes knocked out, and often disorganized. Nothing to do with feeling unsafe (re crime) or like I don't have permission.

[klmama]

I travel with just the kids within 80 miles or so.  I don't like driving longer distances than that, and I don't like being the passenger when the kids are driving on the interstate.  They are good drivers, but I get motion sick easily, especially at higher speeds.  Flying?  No, I wouldn't want to fly without dh.  I get motion sick on planes, too, and I don't want to have to be the one "in charge" while feeling that way for the rest of the day.  Taking Dramamine doesn't help me, so taking that just makes me sleepy, on top of feeling nauseous.  No thanks. 

 

 

 

 

[madteaparty]

Both alone and with kids, every year :) since DS was less than 3 months old :)

I will say I recently learned to drive. It will be hard for me to drive in a foreign country, except maybe Switzerland (lol). We will see, that's my new frontier.

Edited December 7, 2016 by madteaparty

[Ellesmere]

Oh, motion sickness. That reminds me we went through a time when we had lots of throwing up in the car. So neither of us even wanted to go out on errands let alone traveling with them since we have to at least start in the car to get anywhere from here.

I was thinking about my family and most of my relatives all travel alone and together. Except one uncle who has spent only one night away on his own but he & his wife have been together since they were thirteen or something. They are nearly inseparable. They are not at all of the mindset that the wife must obey or anything like that, nothing to do with control or power. Just two people who are always together. But he also wishes all of his relatives would move back and live near him and is always trying to plan reunions.

[creekland]

Except one uncle who has spent only one night away on his own but he & his wife have been together since they were thirteen or something. They are nearly inseparable. They are not at all of the mindset that the wife must obey or anything like that, nothing to do with control or power. Just two people who are always together. 

 

This explains us, though we've had more than one night away, it's not much more than that - probably less than three weeks total in 28+ years of marriage (at least, after he finished his Navy stint as we did split then for me to finish college and him to finish his Navy time - then he joined me).

 

We just truly enjoy being together and experiencing pretty much all of life together.  Even when we're home we do things together - TV, games, etc.  We have our own work worlds, but family time is ours.  Last night we enjoyed an afternoon of listening to Neil Diamond together, made and ate dinner together, and watched Timeless together (on TV).  This sort of stuff is common - though again, when the kids were home, they were part of it if not out with friends or work, etc.

 

No regrets.  And certainly no "wife must obey" situation going on here.  I'd walk out the moment that ever happened.  If anything, I hold more power than he does since I control our entire family budget and do almost all of our travel planning (once we decide together on a destination and time frame).  We're good partners - no hierarchy.

 

We both score pretty high on time as a Love Language, so that probably makes a difference too.  It's my highest with nothing else all that close.  Service is second.  It's his second highest after verbal and touch.

 

I suspect the differences among us all isn't nearly so much a "this is right and that is wrong" as "this is what we like (or can do) and that isn't" - all personal preference.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I suspect the differences among us all isn't nearly so much a "this is right and that is wrong" as "this is what we like (or can do) and that isn't" - all personal preference.

I would go farther and say that it it isn't at all a matter of "this is right and this is wrong ". We all have our own individual circumstances. Some have spouses that want to travel too and have the time off. Some have spouses who don't. Some have special needs. Some have the finances and some don't.

 

I would have loved to have traveled a lot more by myself, with just the kids, with just dh or as a family. I have done all of the above configurations. Each have their own special feel.

[creekland]

I would go farther and say that it it isn't at all a matter of "this is right and this is wrong ". We all have our own individual circumstances. Some have spouses that want to travel too and have the time off. Some have spouses who don't. Some have special needs. Some have the finances and some don't.

 

:iagree:  It's why I added the "or can do" part in there.  Sometimes preferences are difficult or impossible to turn into reality.

[TravelingChris]

I have traveled with just the kids and also by myself.  No issues at all.  I even took two of the kids from Continental Europe to Great Britain.  I would be fine traveling by myself again but except for some day trips with outside groups, I haven't done solitary travel lately.

 

[OH_Homeschooler]

The ages my kids are now, yes.  Alone, yes.  When they were younger?  NO!!!

 

Yes, this is how I feel. I LOVE traveling by myself. I enjoy taking my older children on trips, but my youngest is still just too challenging. I've always admired people who took infants/toddlers/preschoolers on long trips without backup. 

[TKDmom]

Yes, all the time. Cell phone and GPS take most of the worry out of it. My biggest concern now is that I get sleepy in the car. The last road trip I took with the kids (supposedly 13 hours) took 16 hours over 2 days, because I have to stop and walk around and get some caffeine every hour or so.

[Seasider]

Yes, and long trips, too, cross country and internationally. Whether or not I prefer to travel on my own depends on the purpose of my travels. But I confess, I mostly really enjoy it.

[Seasider]

And yeah, I get the same stunned reaction from many at the very idea of a lone woman doing such a thing.

[mamaraby]

By myself? Sure! Any time, sounds like fun.

 

By myself with the kids? Are you crazy?!? :p

 

Yes, as an adult I am certainly capabale of traveling with the children on my own. I just prefer not to. There is only so much bickering one can take on one's own in addition to the normal stresses of traveling. It's certainly gotten easier as the children have gotten older, tho.

[Twolittleboys]

Of course. I used to travel on my own pre-kids and have taken the kids on vacations since they were 2 and 5. Travelling with two small kids on my own was pretty stressful but apparently not bad enough to cure me of doing it. It really hasn't been difficult at all since they got a bit older. We have generally travelled in Europe or US but have taken buses, trains, rental cars, etc. with no problem.

[FaithManor]

I frequently travel with the boys or alone. Dh doesn't get enough down time from work for me to see my grandbaby in Albany as often as I want.

 

Places I've driven to or flown to a rented a car alone? Baltimore, Chicago, Albany, Toronto, Cleveland, Washington DC (public transport all the way with that trip), Tampa, Atlanta, Louisville, Seattle, and Portland. (PNW trips were plane with rental car). Most of my recent trips have been Albany.

[Anne in CA]

I've gone all over the world alone. I love it!

[catz]

Sure!  I have and I will continue to do so.  I LOVE traveling.  :)  I traveled quite a bit on my own before I was married.  DS and I went to Europe last summer.

 

Some people are uncomfortable and nervous outside their own element.  I am very glad I am not! 

 

Edited December 7, 2016 by WoolySocks

[Loowit]

I prefer to have DH with me.  I have done a couple of small trips with just a kid, but that was summer camp.  When we did our trip to Disneyland DH was with us, but was working the whole time, so it was basically just me and three small children. It was tough, but a good memory.  DD and I are planning a trip next summer for her senior year that will be just the two of us.

[frogger]

Yes, I have flown to the States multiple times with kids and driven from Alaska to and through most of the western states on a 3 month road trip while camping with just the kids and so I could wonder why it's a question but then you gave more info. Having really young kids or kids with special needs (depending on the amount of assistance needed) can make things more challenging for sure as can leaving a spouse with other children alone and of course none of us knows what else is on your spouse's plate either. It may not be fair but your situation MAY be more prickly. I don't know. Being a team is always easier. I never backpacked far off road with only me and not a single other adult for example because that would leave my kids on their own if something happened to me. I did take day hikes with them alone though. Now they are older so it doesn't matter but really each situation is unique.

Edited December 7, 2016 by frogger

[Julie Smith]

I don't like driving. Pretty much anything with much driving is out for me, unless I'm with someone who likes to drive.

Years ago I take my boys on a drive across most of Canada and was gone for 2 weeks. The first time I went with my Mom. The second time with my parents and my teenage second cousin. 

 

I have also flown away for a few days to go to a wedding. That time I left the boys with my Dh. 

[FaithManor]

I should also say that the above list does not mean that and I travel solo more than together.

 

Many of the above trips entailed emergencies within extended family causing me to go on the spot.

 

Together as a couple and as a family unit we have enjoyed a plethora of travel and camping trips. Just in recent years, our road trip west, trip to Albany, annual trips to D.C. with rocket team, Chicago, Huntsville, Keeweenaw Penninsula, Aswan Egypt, Iceland, and Getmany not mention weekend ski trips to the Traverse Bay area.

 

Once he leaves the rat race, our motto will be "have passport and backpack" will travel. When we went to Egypt, we lived for three weeks out of carryons. We reserved our checked bags for brining supplies to our DwB friends/family. So traveling last minute and light will be the name of the game.

 

But until he leaves his job - not until the last boy graduates undergrad - I will still take some trips alone or with a boy or two along. This is especially necause he takes vacation time each year for the rockey team which eats up some of his three weeks paid vacation.

[Lecka]

I have done it and I can do it, but it is really not my preference.

 

I welcome the sympathy I get of going by myself (with just kids). It is stressful to me.

 

But it is worth it and it is really fine.

 

I am another military spouse and mostly traveling to see family while my husband has been deployed, with young kids and one with special needs.

 

As a teen I went on two lovely trips with my older sister and I wouldn't hesitate to go in a trip with teens, I don't think. Especially if we wanted to go somewhere not everybody really wanted to go.

[wintermom]

Yes and yes. I'd probably travel more if finances allowed, but the desire to travel has always been there.

[Lecka]

This is a separate thing, but my husband gets very bored on visits to my hometown when I want to spend a lot of time with my sister.

 

So he is using his vacation days to hang around and be bored while I spend time with my sister..... it makes so much more sense for me to go and let my husband save his vacation days.

 

My kids can hang out and play etc. while I am hanging with my sister, but my husband is just stuck and bored, in practice.

 

In theory he wouldn't be but it is what always happens, bc he is not comfortable doing things he would like without me, or he just doesn't really want to be in a random place alone.

 

He doesn't like work trips either, it is not his thing.

Edited December 7, 2016 by Lecka

[katilac]

Sure. 

 

We're pretty 'travel compatible' as a family, so weeklong vacations and much of the shorter things are done as a group. But if one of us isn't available or not interested, then certainly the other one takes off on their own or with the kids. 

 

Or more practical trips, like the trip mentioned in the OP, definitely we prefer for just one of us to go. There's just not unlimited time and money for both of us to go on practical trips, even though it would be rather more fun to have a companion. 

 

 

[Raifta]

DH hates to travel so I've been grooming the kids to be my travel partners since they were born.  We started with one week trips, moved on to two weeks trips and almost two years ago we went away for a month.  It was fabulous.  I had no worries at all.

 

We've travelled by car, train and airplane.  I hoping to one day take them to Europe and Australia and maybe South East Asia.  They are really great travellers and get along really well, which probably also helps.  They are also game for new adventures, lots of walking as we typically don't have a vehicle when we get somewhere, able to help negotiate new cities and public transportation systems and entertain themselves well with games and books.

 

Even when they were babies/toddles/preschoolers, they were pretty easy travellers.

[Matryoshka]

Yes. Two biggest trips were to Europe. Went with the girls for 5 weeks when they were 8 and 6, drove all over Germany and did a train trip through Switzerland. Went around through Germany again with just my youngest (we did a family trip in Iceland/England leading up to that, but everyone else split off and just youngest dd and I had an extra three weeks just the two of us).

 

When I was younger I did two backpacking trips through Europe, though I wasn't quite alone, one when I was 17 with two 16yo girls, and the other when I was 21 with my then 18yo brother.

 

My mom sent me off on my own young. I travelled alone to Germany when I was 9 and 11 (though once I was there I stayed with relatives - just hadn't met them before I got there...), and to Mexico when I was 15 (stayed with friends of my mother's, but I also hadn't met them until I got off the plane).

 

ETA: Forgot I'm also going with two of the girls to Universal Studios in January. Hubby is busy, so we're just going...

Edited December 7, 2016 by Matryoshka

[creekland]

Once he leaves the rat race, our motto will be "have passport and backpack" will travel. 

 

Same here.  Still tweaking the finances to get there.

 

They are really great travellers and get along really well, which probably also helps.  They are also game for new adventures, lots of walking as we typically don't have a vehicle when we get somewhere, able to help negotiate new cities and public transportation systems and entertain themselves well with games and books.

 

Even when they were babies/toddles/preschoolers, they were pretty easy travellers.

 

Same with mine.  I'm sure that helps.  My kids love traveling as much as we parents do and always have from babyhood.  Middle son has a pretty steady GF now who didn't travel (much) growing up and we've already gotten her hooked too.   :coolgleamA:

[Rachel]

Staying in a hotel with 3 kids and no husband feels a little weird but I do enjoy taking my kids places. My husband flew for the first time with the kids and me back in October, he is used to traveling solo so it felt weird for him. I've flown alone with the kids several times. Usually we visit family so typically we stay with them instead of in a hotel. I can't say I love driving a rental car in a strange city, but it isn't awful.

[flyingaway]

After several disappointments from canceling trips to cool places, I learned to leave hubs behind if need be. I've done it enough now that I actually no longer prefer his presence. Turns out he's not a good traveler and gets stressed out over things the rest of us take in stride. Now it feels kind of mean to take him along knowing he's going to be unsettled.

[athomeontheprairie]

I have quite a bit. The part that makes me nervous is driving on the interstate in the middle of nowhere. I have 4 kids (some still in car seats) and me. If we break down, how will we get to a town? I'm not leaving any of my kids alone and most vehicles don't seat 5 extra people.

 

The last two road trips I took alone had extreme temperatures and that made it more difficult. One was so super hot and the other was freezing. It was fine, but I would normally leave my kids in the locked car if I just have to run to the bathroom. No way could I do that in those temps. The time it was cold we stayed in a hotel and the logistics of loading and unloading the car were hard, but it was ok.

 

It so far doesn't feel like vacation when I take my kids alone, but we have lots of good memories.

This past summer I took the 4 kids on a trip. My vehicle broke down two hours from home. No one has seating for 5 extra people. It was on a 4h field trip. The families speed to help before my vehicle was pronounced dead. I needed to split my family three ways, and they brought us into the nearest city.

 

I don't know what I wouldve done if we would have made it to the highway before baking down. At least where we were, I sorta knew the people that were helping us and trusted them enough to car pool us to A nearby town (where I stayed with friends until dh could arrange transport). Staying in the highway with 4 kids in 100 degree weather when all the water was gone wasn't a good choice.

 

But I've continued to take trips. But this is a real fear. We do the best we can to prevent it. But things happen.

[lllll]

nm

Edited December 25, 2016 by ..Kathy..

[Guest]

It isn't getting his permission but rather his support of the idea because as a team this affects him as well....our finances, he is left home alone with 3 other kids with special needs, etc.

I get what you're saying, I do travel alone with my husband's blessing and he will watch all the kids by himself, except if someone is still nursing. He is just as competent a caregiver as me though and our kids aren't really difficult, there are just a lot of them. In a special needs situation where one person is the normal caregiver and the other couldn't easily sub in that would complicate the travel situation I'd imagine!

[redsquirrel]

yes I do and I will and I wouldn't think twice about it.  Why would it even be a question?

[redsquirrel]

I guess I can't imagine the opposite- not going anywhere without dh. I traveled all the time with the kids, from the time the oldest was just a few months old. I would have only gone to see my family once a year if I hadn't. When we were young, dh didn't have much vacation time so it was the only way I was able to go to weddings, special events or just to see people. Until the kids were about 8-10, they went with me. After that, I sometimes went by myself for a quick trip. And I traveled for work, but that was always within a 3-4 drive from home, and usually for just 3 days, about once a month. But when I wasn't traveling, I worked from home so that made up for it.  Prehomeschooling ;) When the youngest hit high school, dh and I would leave for the weekend a couple of times a year. Great for us, great for the kids too.

 

His work schedule doesn't always line up with when travel is possible for the rest of the family. I'd like to have him with us, but if it's not going to work out I'm not going to miss out going to see my mom at the beach.

 

[QueenCat]

His work schedule doesn't always line up with when travel is possible for the rest of the family. I'd like to have him with us, but if it's not going to work out I'm not going to miss out going to see my mom at the beach.

 

 

uhm, I think you misread me. I do go without dh because his work schedule doesn't always allow him to go with me/us.

[redsquirrel]

uhm, I think you misread me. I do go without dh because his work schedule doesn't always allow him to go with me/us.

 

lol, it was the "not going anywhere without' that got me.