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PSA: Those aquainted with large families (Vent/Rage)

BlsdMama

By BlsdMama,
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Tita Gidge

Tita Gidge

Posted
Posted

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. :grouphug:

 

I'm very upset to hear you were verbally slapped in the face on top of it. :mad:

 

People speak without thinking. Even if she believes what she said, that she would say as much to you??

 

This is why I prefer pets to people. They don't say this kind of stupid sh!t.  They just love on you when you need it.

 

And you definitely need it right now. :grouphug:

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Reefgazer

Reefgazer

Posted
Posted

M so sorry you had to deal with that; it isn't even ok to think let alone say.

 

FWIW, smaller families such as my own have dealt with similar. I have two children and so badly wanted a third before I aged out of the process. When I to,d a mom friend I wanted another, she looked at me with disbelief, her lip curled, and asked me why on Earth I would want another when I already had a boy and a girl.

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*Lulu*

*Lulu*

Posted
Posted

(((hugs)))

 

I am so sorry.

 

I am sorry for your grief.

 

I am sorry for the hurt caused by another's lack of compassion.

 

I am sorry that all the snarky comments and after the fact remarks we could share will not remove this pain.

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Mosaicmind

Mosaicmind

Posted
Posted

I've dealt with this also, though maybe not those words. I was pregnant with ds/5th child but started bleeding.  Went to have an ultrasound and found out I was pregnant with twins and one of the twins had died at 11 weeks gestation and my body was doing what it's supposed to do and miscarrying the twin that had already died.  Ultrasound tech said to me, "Maybe God knew that you just couldn't handle 6 kids and that 5 was enough so he took the other one to be with Him."  HUH?!  The Lord is the author of life not the taker of life.  I was already in shock from first, hearing I was pregnant of twins and second, hearing that I had lost one of them. 

 

I am so very sorry that a very ignorant person made such a thoughtless, uncaring, and down right stupid comment to you.  I am praying that the Father will wrap his arms around you right now and give you much needed rest, care, and peace to carry you through this most heart wrenching time.

 

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Janeway

Janeway

Posted
Posted (edited)

It is never, ever, ever your place to suggest maybe they shouldn't have more.

 

 

And it never appropriate to suggest that maybe a miscarriage is God's way of telling you that.

 

 

 

I wrote so much more, but trying to swallow the anger...........  It isn't actually working, but trying.  

 

I had a baby that died shortly after birth. My now cut out half sister had the nerve to come to the funeral and tell me this was God's way of telling me not to have more kids. And she gave me that stern look. She is my older sister so I have gotten that stern "you better do what I tell you" look my entire life. 

 

This wasn't the only thing she did, but it was one big red flag that she should have been cut out of my life sooner.

 

I should have looked at her very serious and asked "so you channel God now? Going to be on a talk show about this soon?"

Edited by Janeway
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lanalouwho

lanalouwho

Posted
Posted

That's just terrible. I do believe I would have punched said thoughtless person in their mouth, but I have anger issues.

I am sorry for your loss and pain. No one deserves to have rude and thoughtless comments piled on top of an already heartbreaking situation. I wish there were words that could help to heal your pain, but sadly those words do not exist. Just look through this thread and remember that there are caring and decent people in the world who would be willing to give you a shoulder to cry on.

 

Sent from my HTCD200LVW using Tapatalk

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mamiof5

mamiof5

Posted
Posted

No way! I'm sorry someone said that. And I'm so sorry for your loss :(. I never count how many kids people have on their signature, but I did count yours after reading your post. You have been blessed with many wonderful children!! You must have a beautiful family! Will pray for you all.

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BlsdMama

BlsdMama

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So these are two separate comments by two separate people, both very close family. :/  I think sometimes we give people, especially family, more license to be insensitive than they ought to have.

 

I was talking to DH about this Wednesday.  In my early 20s I was very brash and sassy and rude/blunt.  When I became a believer, I really believed that I just needed to "take it" and essentially keep my yap shut.  Frankly, I think it gave people around us a license to become waaaay too bold in their comments.    And in my head I'd retort with the most sarcastic comments I could think of, but I couldn't really SAY those things so I'd fume on them.

We moved away for a few years and obviously that helps.  We're back home again and now people are feeling more familiar/free with their  tongues.  :/

 

But you know what I realized Wednesday night as we began to talk about it together?  Really, for the first time, I realized that I can be both bold and speak TRUTH without being rude.  Being truthful isn't the same as just silently taking someone's very wrong and unkind statement.  It's saying, kindly but firmly, "God gave us this life.  Obviously He has a purpose and a plan."  Or, "This is between DH, I, and God.  This isn't for you to comment on and we do not welcome your comments."  It occurred to me that through my silence, I was granting them license.  I was giving them a line that was too generous.  

 

With these two people in particular, I think they will (not happily, but they WILL) respect the boundary and not say anything directly to us.

 

The irony in all of this is that we left the Catholic Church, but we agree heavily with their teaching about regarding marriage and procreation as a very important responsibility to weigh heavily.  We left the Church but adhere to the teaching. Our families are unhappy that we left the Church but they don't adhere to any teachings. :(  It's very disappointing to us that they can't at least understand where we're coming from, especially when all of our parents came from families of sizes 6-11.

 

But, then again, we'll always be disappointed in people because people are always imperfect.  All of us.  Trying to remember that.

 

Really, truly, I appreciate your kind words, your prayers, and your understanding more than you know. Thank you so much.  And the surgery went really well.  We had an ultrasound again on Tuesday to make sure there was no baby and it had been totally reabsorbed.  Just the sac remained.  I feel really good today.  

 

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Ann.without.an.e

Ann.without.an.e

Posted
Posted (edited)

(((HUGS)))

 

 

I am so sorry.  I only have four kids but I've miscarried twice at 12 and 13 weeks since #4 and the doctors have shrugged it off as a "oh well, good thing you have four kids" and asked in an unbelievable tone "are ya'll trying for more?".  I can't imagine what sort of responses you get.  It isn't their business.   :grouphug:

Edited by Attolia
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Jane Elliot

Jane Elliot

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with difficult people at such a difficult time, Kelly. It sounds, from your last post, as though you're thinking very clearly and handling it really well.

 

I do understand. When our tenth child was stillborn at 8 months, a close family member said she was our "tithe" (one-tenth). I couldn't believe it. And there were so many other hurtful comments (similar to those you've gotten) at a time when we were devastated. But there were kind people, too, who knew just what to say, and, more importantly, what NOT to say. I hope you can surround yourself with those for awhile.

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