Tita Gidge Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. :grouphug: I'm very upset to hear you were verbally slapped in the face on top of it. :mad: People speak without thinking. Even if she believes what she said, that she would say as much to you?? This is why I prefer pets to people. They don't say this kind of stupid sh!t. They just love on you when you need it. And you definitely need it right now. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 :grouphug: I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Tharp Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Sadly, that person thinks they are very wise and would not take advise on any subject. I am so sorry that someone has tried to steal your grief. There is no help for that person. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) I have no idea how this posted to this thread. So sorry Edited June 16, 2016 by hjffkj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UCF612 Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I'm so sorry for both the loss and the stupidity of some people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abcmommy Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I am so sorry you encountered such an insensitive person. It is NEVER okay to make those comments. You deserve to be treated better than that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 M so sorry you had to deal with that; it isn't even ok to think let alone say. FWIW, smaller families such as my own have dealt with similar. I have two children and so badly wanted a third before I aged out of the process. When I to,d a mom friend I wanted another, she looked at me with disbelief, her lip curled, and asked me why on Earth I would want another when I already had a boy and a girl. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I'm so sorry..people are just...well stupid! I had 3 very hard miscarriages and I remember those things people say...big hugs and prayers for you! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrookValley. Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Nope. It is no one else's place to comment on your family size. Also, their god sucks. I'm sorry you had to deal with crappy comments from crappy people, especially when you were hurting. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I'm so sorry for your loss and that you had to deal with those comments :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 (((hugs))) I am so sorry. I am sorry for your grief. I am sorry for the hurt caused by another's lack of compassion. I am sorry that all the snarky comments and after the fact remarks we could share will not remove this pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I'm so sorry, what a kick in the guts. I know what that feels like (thanks mum). Raging is completely understandable. Be gentle with yourself *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbotoast Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I'm so sorry :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mosaicmind Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I've dealt with this also, though maybe not those words. I was pregnant with ds/5th child but started bleeding. Went to have an ultrasound and found out I was pregnant with twins and one of the twins had died at 11 weeks gestation and my body was doing what it's supposed to do and miscarrying the twin that had already died. Ultrasound tech said to me, "Maybe God knew that you just couldn't handle 6 kids and that 5 was enough so he took the other one to be with Him." HUH?! The Lord is the author of life not the taker of life. I was already in shock from first, hearing I was pregnant of twins and second, hearing that I had lost one of them. I am so very sorry that a very ignorant person made such a thoughtless, uncaring, and down right stupid comment to you. I am praying that the Father will wrap his arms around you right now and give you much needed rest, care, and peace to carry you through this most heart wrenching time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baseball mom Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I am so sorry for your loss and for stupid people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSmomof2 Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I'm so sorry for your loss and having to endure such cruel comments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 (((Kelly))) I wish we could have been there to give them the Laser Glare of Certain Impending Death. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) It is never, ever, ever your place to suggest maybe they shouldn't have more. And it never appropriate to suggest that maybe a miscarriage is God's way of telling you that. I wrote so much more, but trying to swallow the anger........... It isn't actually working, but trying. I had a baby that died shortly after birth. My now cut out half sister had the nerve to come to the funeral and tell me this was God's way of telling me not to have more kids. And she gave me that stern look. She is my older sister so I have gotten that stern "you better do what I tell you" look my entire life. This wasn't the only thing she did, but it was one big red flag that she should have been cut out of my life sooner. I should have looked at her very serious and asked "so you channel God now? Going to be on a talk show about this soon?" Edited June 16, 2016 by Janeway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Rude, thoughtless, and ought to get a roll of tape for Christmas, with directions for application to the mouth. :cursing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I'm so sorry. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4arrows Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I'm so sorry. some people need a filter stapled to their mouth. Or their mouths stapled shut. I'm so sorry for your lose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lanalouwho Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 That's just terrible. I do believe I would have punched said thoughtless person in their mouth, but I have anger issues. I am sorry for your loss and pain. No one deserves to have rude and thoughtless comments piled on top of an already heartbreaking situation. I wish there were words that could help to heal your pain, but sadly those words do not exist. Just look through this thread and remember that there are caring and decent people in the world who would be willing to give you a shoulder to cry on. Sent from my HTCD200LVW using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 :grouphug: :iagree: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom25girls Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Sending hugs. I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 I'm so sorry for both your loss and the pain caused by that person in your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmtzc2009 Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 I'm so sorry. I've heard similar comments when we suffered a loss. People should really think before they speak. Big hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 :grouphug: Kelly, I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Keeper Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: You have my deepest sympathy for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 No way! I'm sorry someone said that. And I'm so sorry for your loss :(. I never count how many kids people have on their signature, but I did count yours after reading your post. You have been blessed with many wonderful children!! You must have a beautiful family! Will pray for you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIOnly Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 (((((Kelly))))) I'm so very sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zinnia Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 I am so sorry that someone said that to you. So awful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted June 17, 2016 Author Share Posted June 17, 2016 So these are two separate comments by two separate people, both very close family. :/ I think sometimes we give people, especially family, more license to be insensitive than they ought to have. I was talking to DH about this Wednesday. In my early 20s I was very brash and sassy and rude/blunt. When I became a believer, I really believed that I just needed to "take it" and essentially keep my yap shut. Frankly, I think it gave people around us a license to become waaaay too bold in their comments. And in my head I'd retort with the most sarcastic comments I could think of, but I couldn't really SAY those things so I'd fume on them. We moved away for a few years and obviously that helps. We're back home again and now people are feeling more familiar/free with their tongues. :/ But you know what I realized Wednesday night as we began to talk about it together? Really, for the first time, I realized that I can be both bold and speak TRUTH without being rude. Being truthful isn't the same as just silently taking someone's very wrong and unkind statement. It's saying, kindly but firmly, "God gave us this life. Obviously He has a purpose and a plan." Or, "This is between DH, I, and God. This isn't for you to comment on and we do not welcome your comments." It occurred to me that through my silence, I was granting them license. I was giving them a line that was too generous. With these two people in particular, I think they will (not happily, but they WILL) respect the boundary and not say anything directly to us. The irony in all of this is that we left the Catholic Church, but we agree heavily with their teaching about regarding marriage and procreation as a very important responsibility to weigh heavily. We left the Church but adhere to the teaching. Our families are unhappy that we left the Church but they don't adhere to any teachings. :( It's very disappointing to us that they can't at least understand where we're coming from, especially when all of our parents came from families of sizes 6-11. But, then again, we'll always be disappointed in people because people are always imperfect. All of us. Trying to remember that. Really, truly, I appreciate your kind words, your prayers, and your understanding more than you know. Thank you so much. And the surgery went really well. We had an ultrasound again on Tuesday to make sure there was no baby and it had been totally reabsorbed. Just the sac remained. I feel really good today. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 (edited) (((HUGS))) I am so sorry. I only have four kids but I've miscarried twice at 12 and 13 weeks since #4 and the doctors have shrugged it off as a "oh well, good thing you have four kids" and asked in an unbelievable tone "are ya'll trying for more?". I can't imagine what sort of responses you get. It isn't their business. :grouphug: Edited June 17, 2016 by Attolia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 I am so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renai Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 :grouphug: And I'm so sorry for your losses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane Elliot Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 I'm so sorry you are having to deal with difficult people at such a difficult time, Kelly. It sounds, from your last post, as though you're thinking very clearly and handling it really well. I do understand. When our tenth child was stillborn at 8 months, a close family member said she was our "tithe" (one-tenth). I couldn't believe it. And there were so many other hurtful comments (similar to those you've gotten) at a time when we were devastated. But there were kind people, too, who knew just what to say, and, more importantly, what NOT to say. I hope you can surround yourself with those for awhile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: You are awesome. I hope you continue to heal in every way. I'm very sorry for your loss. I've had 4 miscarriages all mingled in there with our 7. We do better not living near our extended family members also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenC Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 (edited) What is wrong with people!?! I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine anyone would actually mean that. Maybe they spoke before they thought. Edited June 18, 2016 by KarenC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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