Tiramisu Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 JAWM Dd13 went trick or treating in a neighborhood across town with her best friend and several of her bf's other friends from ps. I had a very hectic day seeing to the clothing and food needs of my grandparents who are sick, and I didn't pay attention to the weather, so when dd was picked up by her bf's sister, I didn't realize that the weather was going to be getting colder (about 50 degrees) and she only wore a long sleeve shirt under her thin costume. The girls seemed to be wandering around different sections of the neighborhood, meeting up with boys, playing basketball, and not doing much of the door to door trick or treating dd expected and is used to. They spent three hours outside and dd was very cold and tired, and wanted to go to her grandmother's house. When they reached her street, dd asked her friend to call her mom because dd does not have a phone. Her friend refused to call because she thought her mom would freak out. (There is a long history of that mom getting wound up). Dd decided to leave the group when they turned in a different direction on the street. She asked her friend to come with her, and when she wouldn't, she walked about 100 meters to my mom's house. She called me and dh and told us what happpend. I confirmed the other girl was safe in a group of six other friends, and then I went to drive over while dh called the bf's mother so she wouldn't worry. The bf's mother went ballistic on dh when he called to tell her what happened. Meanwhile, my mom and dd tried to call the bf who wouldn't answer her cell phone. Then they called the phone of another kid in the group to try to reach the bf and the kids hung up on her. Two girls then showed up at my mom's door and proceeded to yell at dd. My mom was shocked at how they were treating dd. Eventually, dd just shut the door and my mom said it was the only thing she could have done. Now the bf's mom is blaming dd for leaving the group and putting her dd in danger, while I think dd did the right thing by going to her grandmother's house and calling us right away when she was in an uncomfortable situation and couldn't get help any other way. I think we did the right thing by confirming the girl was safe in a group of friends and then calling the bf's mom immediately. I had to deal with about twenty long texts going back and forth last night with the bf's mom blaming dd for acting irresponsibly and my head is still spinning. I didn't tell the other mom this, but dd has been having tachycardia. She's seen the pediatrician, had an ekg, and has to see a cardiologist this week. I'm trying to not make too much of it, and she is definitely safe to walk around. But I think the situation of running around out in the cold for so long took a lot out of her. I'm relieved that in such a situation that she would go for help. With all this in mind, I'm really irked at how the other mom is acting. Thanks for allowing me to vent and get this out of my system. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post kewb Posted November 2, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted November 2, 2015 I think your dd handled herself just fine. Personally, I would stop responding to other girl's mom. Your dd is better off without the crazy. 61 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Annie G Posted November 2, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted November 2, 2015 It's easy to agree with you. Dd wanted to go to her grandma's and asked her friend, who declined. Friend was with other friends AND had a phone. Dd did nothing wrong. I would not continue to discuss it with the mom. She knows how you feel and you know how she feels. You can't change her mind and you shouldn't change your mind either. I know you don't know me- I'm just a random person on the internet. But I'd love for your dd to know I think she did the smart thing and also the hard thing. Walking away from the group was hard because she might lose a friend over it. But she needed to get warm and she was feeling uncomfortable. That was a mature thing to do. 52 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I wonder if bf's mom is transferring blame to your daughter rather than her own because she didn't know her daughter had planned to meet up with other kids and not really TorT much at all. Refusing to let your daughter use the phone and then refusing to answer or hanging up on her is just plain rude. Your daughter tried her best to get out of a situation she was uncomfortable in without just leaving them. If anyone was "in danger" (and I don't think anyone ever was) it was your daughter since she was the only one alone for any amount of time. IF you need to respond to the other mother at all, I'd just type something like "We believe our daughter acted appropriately at the time. Clearly we disagree, so this is the last time I will respond to you about this." (preferable to just ignore) 28 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 If I understand correctly, your dd was tired and wanted to go to her grandmother's house. She urged her friend to come with her then notified adults when the friend refused to leave. These same adults checked on the friend to be sure she was okay. I'm not sure what your daughter could have done differently other than stay with her friend all night, which is unreasonable. Her friend's mother has no reason to be upset with your daughter. 21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 How old is the bf? It sounds like that mom is a nut. I would not engage. I would end with something final-sounding like "I believe my daughter did the best she could in the situation. Goodbye now." 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Wow, talk about drama! I think your DD did the right thing. If anything, I would point out to the other mom that HER daughter had acted poorly, in not allowing a tired friend to use her phone, and basically forcing her to go off on her own. (Not that it would help to point it out...I'd at least think it in my head, LOL.) It would not have killed the group to walk with your DD to the house. Also, was the friend not allowed to be out without your daughter? If they were in a group, I can't see how the other mom is getting so upset. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Like another poster said, tell your daughter she absolutely did the right thing. It was probably a difficult decision, but she made the correct one. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 It is possible / likely that the bf lied to the mom both before and during this incident. Mom of course does not want to believe this. Your daughter needed to take care of herself. As long as the friends were safe, they were not her responsibility. She communicated the situation to adults as soon as she could. I think it is kind of rotten for bf and her mom to insist that your daughter's needs were unimportant. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Agreeing with you, you and your dd both demonstrated good decision making and responsibility. Kids who got angry are rude. Other mom freaking out is unreasonable and rude. Is this friendship particularly important to your dd? Sounds like it might be rocky to keep up. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 FTR unless the bf and others were less than 10yo, I don't see what the fuss is about anyway. So they were walking around their neighborhood on Halloween. Like every other kid in the USA. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Your dd did well. She didn't like the way the evening was playing out, she found a safe place to be, she encouraged her friend to do the right thing, but bailed out when it was clear that they friend was not interested in the alternative. Kudos to your dd. 28 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 She absolutely did the right thing. I am so sorry that what should have been a fun evening turned so sour because the girl and her mother are rude, unreasonable jerks. Hugs to you and DD. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Your dd made absolutely the best choice, and she did it in opposition to peer pressure. It was not her responsibility to watch out for her friend. Her friend, in fact, REFUSED to let your dd use her phone because her mom would freak out. What kind of friend does that? Your dd was the one who was abandoned and left with few options. I would hope my kid would make the same decision. The other mom is crazy. I don't know what to tell you about her, if you want to respond to or ignore her ranting. In addition to being very proud of your dd, I think you should look back at what has obviously been successful parenting--your dd had the confidence not only to change up the plan, but to do that at the best time (close to grandma's), and get herself out of an uncomfortable situation under difficult circumstances. Your girl is 13. She sounds very mature, and I would be reminding my kid that good decisions like this show her sense of responsibility and judgment. It would be grounds for me to continue to trust her and give her more (reasonable) freedom when asked. I would look at this as a good life lesson, one that ended very, very well. 31 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Your kid didn't do anything wrong. If this woman thinks her daughter was in danger, then your kid being there would not have made one little bit of difference. If she's so worried, she should not have let her daughter out alone. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Don't engage with cray-cray. 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 If I understand correctly, your dd was tired and wanted to go to her grandmother's house. She urged her friend to come with her then notified adults when the friend refused to leave. These same adults checked on the friend to be sure she was okay. I'm not sure what your daughter could have done differently other than stay with her friend all night, which is unreasonable. Her friend's mother has no reason to be upset with your daughter. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 Wow. I'm feeling better already. This was just what I needed to start this day on a better track. Thank you all so much. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Your daughter, your mom, and you all acted appropriately. That mom is crazy-ville. I also, unfortunately for your dd, think that her friendship with bf is done. With friends like her, etc. etc. Hugs to you all. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Your daughter did more than anyone could expect from her. She tried to talk her friends out of bad decisions, made good choices for herself, stood up for herself against "friends" who were treating her badly, and not alone knew where to go for help when things went too far but took the initiative and went there on her own when no one else would support her. I think she did EXCEPTIONALLY well for herself. As for the other girls, well... too bad. She made bad choices and is now trying to pin them on your DD. It is not your DD's job to babysit or parent her friends. Nevertheless, she tried to convince her friend to come with her, and friend wouldn't. She can't FORCE her friend to make good choices. It sounds like your DD is much better at making decisions than both her BF and BF's mom put together, frankly. Sounds like this is the kind of friend (and mother) she's already outgrown, sadly. 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I think that your daughter was outstanding, and I imagine that her friend was somewhat untruthful about what really happened in convo with her mother--gave the impression that your DD insisted on abandoning her in some way or something like that. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I'm not just agreeing with you. I really don't see how your daughter (or your mom or you and dh) could have handled it differently. We teach our kids that it's okay, and actually the right thing, to remove themselves from an uncomfortable situation. Your dd did just that. She tried to get bf to do it too. As for the mom, you were in a lose-lose situation. If you hadn't contacted her and she found out (or worse, something bad happened), it would have been your fault. It was also your fault for contacting her, and your daughter's fault for doing the right thing. She's blaming others for her dd's behavior. You can't win. Don't engage any longer. 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I think your day did just fine... You and your DH did some things that wouldn't cross my mind. It wouldn't have occurred to me to give more than a passing thought to the "safety" (what was risky?) of someone else's child who had her parents permission to be outside for the evening. It wouldn't have felt like my responsibility to call anyone about the other child. I might have an unnatural lack of those "my brother's keeper" feelings, or I might underestimate the risks of being outside in the evening in your area (clearly people think two girls are safe when together, so I don't think that we're dealing with an area of high risk), or maybe I just don't 'get' how I might feel when my kids are older -- all of those are possible... But from where I'm standing now, I would not have called the girl, or her parent, or any of the other kids. I wouldn't really care what had happened beyond the good judgement and personal freedom of my own child. I would not have listened to someone 'go ballistic' or replied to weird boundary-crossing text messages... At least not beyond, maybe, "If you trusted your dd's safety in the hands of another x year old child, it turns out that was unwise. I'm glad nothing went wrong, and I'm sorry you are upset, but I don't consider my child responsible for your child. I think you are wrong to be blaming her. I don't plan on continuing to argue about this." That kind of drama is not my thing. I feel like: watch your own child, or trust your own child, whatever -- it has nothing to do with me. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Well the only thing your daughter did wrong was to consider this girl a true friend. How very rude and uncaring the other girls were! The mom blaming your daughter - she is either in denial or her own daughter is not being truthful about that night's series of events. Give your girl a buncha big hugs from the hive. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Your daughter, your mom, and you all acted appropriately. That mom is crazy-ville. I also, unfortunately for your dd, think that her friendship with bf is done. With friends like her, etc. etc. Hugs to you all. I'm having flashbacks to a somewhat similar incident when I was a young teen. Too long a story, but basically I was abandoned by my friend and her friends, had to call my sister to come get me and take me home. Since it happened the night of a planned sleepover with that friend I had to go back the next day to get my things. Friend and her mother said I'd acted like a baby. It was humiliating, and I never saw or spoke to her again after that. Tell your daughter not to look back. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern Ivy Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Your daughter did the right thing and that mom is crazy. Your dd did everything to get the bf to go along with her to a warm and safe house, but the bf refused. The mom should be mad at her daughter instead of yours. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I think if the bf's mom had been rational - notifying her would have been fine. (it probably wouldn't have occurred to me since she was with other friends). she is NOT rational, and her bf had reminded her of that that evening. (I understand for those who have not experienced that level of irrationality can be hard to grasp.) the other friends weren't rational either. tbh - your dd might want to rethink this relationship as the people around her bf, people with whom she *chooses* to spend time, sound potentially as rrational as her mother. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I think your DD did just fine. I do think for teens that are regularly getting dropped off without supervision, it is worthwhile for them to at least have a voice only cheap phone for emergencies. I would not engage with other mom for one second. Even if your child was totally in the wrong ( which she obviously was not), there shouldn't be that much commentary and complaint from her. She sounds like she doesn't want to deal with her own problem child. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I think your dd is wise and very mature for her age. Even if her friend had NOT been safe, your dd made the right decision. If it had been an unsafe situation, her decision would have been even wiser. Honestly, the only thing I would have done differently would be that I would not have notified friend's mother that your dd was no longer with her. I would have left that decision with the friend. (This is generally how teen getting togethers work)Your dd was not babysitting this kid, she was out as a teen friend. She had no responsibility towards her friend other than giving her the option of going with her to grandma's (since they had planned to stick together for the evening originally). 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I think it's more of a 'problem mom' than a 'problem child' -- all that the other girl did was choose to hang out with the larger friend group, when given the choice of one of the group (your dd) deciding to go her own way. The girl clearly knows that her mom goes ballistic, and so she actively tries to keep info from her... Possibly wisely. On the other hand the girl did 'yell at' your dd... But she is only 13, so that's not an unexpectedly bad way of coping with a stressful event. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 It's often hard to do the right thing, and unfortunately more often than not we are criticized for making right choices. Sorry your dd and all of you had to put up with it. Hope your dds appt goes well :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 She, and you, handled it flawlessly. Give her a pat on the back from the hive for being strong enough to leave and caring enough to look out for her "friend". Time to find some new buds. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I don't see what DD could possibly have done wrong here. She asked the friend to come with her, notified her parents, had her parents notify friend's parents - what else should she have done? 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I don't even understand what the other mom expected your dd to do. Knock out the friend, tie her up, and carry her away on her back to make sure she was safe? Babysit her all night and just suffer through the cold? I would block the other mom's number on my phone and not think twice about it. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I think your DD did just fine. I do think for teens that are regularly getting dropped off without supervision, it is worthwhile for them to at least have a voice only cheap phone for emergencies. I would not engage with other mom for one second. Even if your child was totally in the wrong ( which she obviously was not), there shouldn't be that much commentary and complaint from her. She sounds like she doesn't want to deal with her own problem child. I also think your DD did exactly what I would want my DD to do in the same situation. As our kids get older, they get more freedom and get exposed to more difficult situations. A parent, who is so difficult that people (her own kids and other adults) have trouble dealing with her when things don't go exactly as expected, ends up being a liability instead of a resource. :cursing: Some parents are just totally nuts. I definitely agree that it is time to get your DD her own phone so that she doesn't have to beg others to use theirs. The phone would have been a source of empowerment and safety in this situation. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I am trying to imagine what the mother things your daughter did wrong. I don't get it. I think you should get your daughter a phone . 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Op...Your dd needs a phone :001_smile: , but I think she did just fine under the circumstances. Her friend and her mom sound like they need to step back and look at things with a little honesty; their reactions make no sense, esp the mom's. Friend was probably trying to cover her behind, but her mom sounds a little delusional; or as we like to say...Queen of denial. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Your dd was 100% right. Honestly, that other mom wouldn't have had a chance to get nasty with me, because I would have already told her what I thought of her uncaring and irresponsible dd. That girl is NOT best friend material. She abandoned your dd and then wouldn't even answer her phone. What if your dd hadn't made it to her grandmother's house and was calling her "friend" for help? Your dd needs a friend she can depend on, not a girl like that! If I were your dd, I would be done with the self-absorbed and uncaring "friend." It sounds to me like that girl takes after her mother a lot more than she realizes. Again, you should be so proud of your dd. She handled the situation perfectly! :hurray: And I will also agree with the others who have said your dd needs her own phone. :) I hope everything goes well at your dd's medical appointments. :grouphug: 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I think if the bf's mom had been rational - notifying her would have been fine. (it probably wouldn't have occurred to me since she was with other friends). she is NOT rational, and her bf had reminded her of that that evening. (I understand for those who have not experienced that level of irrationality can be hard to grasp.) the other friends weren't rational either. tbh - your dd might want to rethink this relationship as the people around her bf, people with whom she *chooses* to spend time, sound potentially as rrational as her mother. I have a feeling that if she didn't notify the other mom, that would have made the other mom go ballistic as well, because her dd probably would have told her about how Tiramisu's dd "abandoned" her. Crazy mother, crazy daughter. In the long run, it is probably good that this happened, so Tiramisu's dd will know that she can't trust that girl. Thankfully, they were in a safe neighborhood when this happened, but what if they had been someplace dangerous or if Tiramisu's dd was feeling threatened by someone? It seems pretty clear that her "friend" has shown herself to be someone she can't count on to stand up for her or even stick with her. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 What your dd did was fine. I wouldn't have thought to call the other friend's parents myself unless I knew that the two of them staying together was part of the agreement to go out. I don't think this shows she needs a phone though - actually the opposite, it shows she can solve problems just fine on her own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samm Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Her friend, in fact, REFUSED to let your dd use her phone because her mom would freak out. What kind of friend does that? Weak-willed, replaceable ones? Not bf ones. Maybe the mom needs to hear that if it happened again, your daughter would do the same thing again. Crappy friends and their weird parents are easy to replace. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professormom Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Your dd handled things in a mature, responsible way. I don't really see that she had any other options. The bf here didn't leave her any. And she made smart, grown up choices in the midst of a crummy situation. On another note, any kid that shows up to a grandparent's! house and starts reaming into a kid in front of their grandparents has a whole different set of problems. That is not normal "teen" behavior. That is a level of rude above and beyond teen snark. I think your dd did a great job and you can tell her (and bf's mother) that I said so :lol: I would also make sure she has a phone in the future. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I also think your DD did exactly what I would want my DD to do in the same situation. As our kids get older, they get more freedom and get exposed to more difficult situations. A parent, who is so difficult that people (her own kids and other adults) have trouble dealing with her when things don't go exactly as expected, ends up being a liability instead of a resource. :cursing: Some parents are just totally nuts. I definitely agree that it is time to get your DD her own phone so that she doesn't have to beg others to use theirs. The phone would have been a source of empowerment and safety in this situation. I agree. Yes, everything came out all right in the end (well, except for crazy mom) without a phone, but everything would have been so much easier if she'd had her own. I believe that once kids are out and about with other kids (no adult supervision), they need their own phones. It's true that we who are adults now managed without our own phones. But it's different now. (When I was abandoned by my friend back in 9th grade, I had a dime and access to a working payphone. We were not allowed to go out without phone money --> today's equivalent is a phone.) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I would also give your daughter a phone, along with strong encouragement to find some new friends. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 As far as the phone situation, I relented and finally got DS13 a tracfone. He has been hanging out with friends, going different places, and I like him to be able to get a hold of me in emergencies. The phone was $10, no contract, and I bought $10 worth of minutes for him to use. He knows it's only for calling his father or me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I don't understand the phone comments. She was within easy walking distance of her grandma's home. She has what it takes to survive a Halloween night in the neighborhood without a phone. Like all of us did as kids. Had she had a phone, there probably still would have been a tussle over calling bf's mom. I'm not sure it would have ended better or worse. Ultimately the lesson here is that bf is not the boss of OP's dd. Phone or no phone. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I don't understand the phone comments. She was within easy walking distance of her grandma's home. She has what it takes to survive a Halloween night in the neighborhood without a phone. Like all of us did as kids. Had she had a phone, there probably still would have been a tussle over calling bf's mom. I'm not sure it would have ended better or worse. Ultimately the lesson here is that bf is not the boss of OP's dd. Phone or no phone. Well, it was very convenient she was in range of grandma's house. But it doesn't always work that way. What's hard is when friends have phones and you think well they can get hold of you. But kids split up and aren't necessarily always reasonably accountable to each other. And then you have jerks that just won't let you use their phone like above. I broke down when DS was 13 and got left alone in a closed building at about 9:30 pm in the winter as the youngest member of a teen/young adult cast theater production. Unfortunately, in this day and age land lines aren't always readily available. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 With a phone the dd could have called her own mother. I don't know why she would want to call someone else's mother. (Only that she advised the friend to call her own mom at some point). There's no reasonable expectation that future events will happen within walking distance of grandma's house. That was a happy coincidence that enabled the good choices. A phone enables good choices from more locations. Therefore she should not be at the mercy of borrowing phones from others in order to do future right things (when kids are outside easy walking distance). It creates a power imbalance with her friends which does her no good. It's easy to walk far enough with a friend that you are unwilling to walk back to a home-base solo. A phone fixes that. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I don't understand the phone comments. She was within easy walking distance of her grandma's home. She has what it takes to survive a Halloween night in the neighborhood without a phone. Like all of us did as kids. Had she had a phone, there probably still would have been a tussle over calling bf's mom. I'm not sure it would have ended better or worse. Ultimately the lesson here is that bf is not the boss of OP's dd. Phone or no phone. Because it's a relatively cheap if you use the pay as you go phones. I was VERY anti-phone, until this year. DS was constantly borrowing his friends' phones to call me or I wasn't letting him go out unless I had their phone number (which he didn't always have). Many adults nowadays don't have a landline or never answer it so he was borrowing their cell phone to call me. After paying $20, my ds had a phone and a way to call me. We could have gone cheaper had I purchased the less-expensive phone (it seemed easily breakable to me) or fewer minutes. I consider it money well-spent. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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