Counseling/Therapy: Who's Done It?

[Tsuga]

I have seen more than a few threads in which counseling and/or therapy is suggested.

 

Sometimes it's taken well, sometimes not.

 

I'm posting a poll, because I myself have gone to a counselor and a therapist. Once was to modify my behavior, Internet addiction (surprise!), and once was to deal with traumatic events and relationship issues during a divorce. I was a mom at the time. Nobody told me I had to go. I just wanted to help myself.

 

I'm only posting this to get it out so people can see--life has ups and downs, and I personally believe there is nothing to be ashamed of in that.

 

I view going to counseling and therapy as a healthy response to stressors in a society in which we don't live near communities of elders. Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on and some sound advice.

 

Please feel free to share. Your story may help another person who is going through tough times but worried about reaching out.

[Miss Peregrine]

I've gone by myself for depression and DH and I went together in the recent past for marriage issues.

[Catwoman]

No, I have never gone to any kind of counseling or therapy, but I think it can be very valuable in many cases. If I ever think I need it, I won't hesitate to seek help.

[Liz CA]

Some of the best advice I received was to see a counselor before becoming one and it certainly increases one's self awareness. It also shed some light on some old, rather puzzling (to me) issue that we were able to clear up. Since I am not providing traditional Marriage/Family Services  I cannot really speak to this kind of counseling but I know there are many, skilled and empathetic counselors that can make a tremendous difference in the way we live life.

[Tsuga]

By the way I like that you all answered, not that you had life events that precipitated counseling or therapy. :)

[SKL]

No, I am usually a pretty mellow person who doesn't normally stay in a funk for long.  There have been a couple times when I thought about it though - for myself - and also for my kids.

 

I have loved ones who have been bankrupt or had increased relationship issues traceable to "counseling."  I don't think counseling is wrong, but people need to make sure they are dealing with someone who knows what s/he's doing.

[Catwoman]

Nm, don't want to trash your thread. I had poor experiences with counseling, and I'll leave it at that. Carry on.

I don't think you're trashing the thread at all; I think your perspective is important.

 

I don't think we can generalize that counseling is either a good or a bad thing, because let's face it, I'm sure there is a wide and varied mix of counselors out there, ranging from absolutely wonderful to totally incompetent. If you get a good one, that's great, but if you end up choosing the wrong one for your needs, it could end up being unhelpful or even quite damaging. And the right counselor for one person could be the worst possible choice for another person.

[Tsuga]

SKL and Arctic Mama, I don't want to recommend counseling or therapy to everyone. It isn't always warranted and I certainly do not think that any counseling is better than no counseling.

 

I think that it is important to highlight the fact that counseling is not something that you do because something is wrong with you. It's something you do to help get over a specific issue.

 

I think specific tips would probably be much appreciated...

[Catwoman]

No, I am usually a pretty mellow person who doesn't normally stay in a funk for long. There have been a couple times when I thought about it though - for myself - and also for my kids.

 

I have loved ones who have been bankrupt or had increased relationship issues traceable to "counseling." I don't think counseling is wrong, but people need to make sure they are dealing with someone who knows what s/he's doing.

I agree. I think it can be very difficult to know whom to trust, as I'm sure that many people end up choosing a counselor based on listings in the phone book. Many people have no one to ask for a recommendation, so it ends up being a "luck of the draw" situation.

 

I guess if I ever need a counselor, I'll have to rely on one of the professionals I know from right here on this forum. Of course, I would probably have to move to Texas to do it... ;)

[Slartibartfast]

Yes, I ended up in counseling due to melting down crying during an appointment regarding a chronic pain condition. It was just a coincidence that the resident with my specialist that day was a psychology resident

 

It was a bad scene. I am better able now to manage the pain and have better coping strategies.

 

I think it did help and I would recommend it.

[Catwoman]

I have seen more than a few threads in which counseling and/or therapy is suggested.

 

Sometimes it's taken well, sometimes not.

 

o I'm posting a poll, because I myself have gone to a counselor and a therapist. Once was to modify my behavior, Internet addiction (surprise!), and once was to deal with traumatic events and relationship issues during a divorce. I was a mom at the time. Nobody told me I had to go. I just wanted to help myself.

 

I'm only posting this to get it out so people can see--life has ups and downs, and I personally believe there is nothing to be ashamed of in that.

 

I view going to counseling and therapy as a healthy response to stressors in a society in which we don't live near communities of elders. Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on and some sound advice.

 

Please feel free to share. Your story may help another person who is going through tough times but worried about reaching out.

I admire anyone who realizes they have a problem and actively seeks help for it.

 

I have never understood it when people acted as though it was some sort of weakness to see a therapist. I always figured it showed that the person was taking the bull by the horns and dealing with their problems head-on, which I think is quite courageous. It's not easy to admit you need help.

[LucyStoner]

Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. I couldn't vote in the poll because it would only let me pick one and I have been to counseling for every option from 3 to 7.

 

No one gets out of my family of origin unscathed mentally. Plus I am a sexual assault survivor who had PTSD and I had serious PPD after my second son was born. Like paranoid delusions/nearly full on break with reality serious PPD.

 

Presently I can manage with good self care and periodic check ins with my ND and a psychiatric NP. In the past, I have seen someone weekly and/or needed medication.

 

Not one iota of shame. If I were too chicken shit to get help, I'd be a self medicated addict with an anger management problem and probably illicit economic opportunities. I don't have to look far to see examples of such in my family.

 

ETA- I've had a few less than stellar counselors but for the most part, I have a pretty good sense of if someone is good or not and have had mostly good experiences.

 

I haven't been in counseling my whole life or always, but tend to use it to address problem spots. My husband and I have gone to marriage counseling intermittently. I once hired a career coach to think through my work options. I needed to see a therapist specializing in sexual abuse to have a healthy marital relationship. I saw a PPD specialist for about 6 months. I'm big on solutions oriented therapy/coaching rather than just aimless talking.

[hornblower]

Yes, I have in the past and I was going to go back to my counsellor in Jan but she's off on extended post op sick leave and I haven't yet decided which of the people she recommended in her absence I should call.

 

I think having a trained outsider to talk to, to get an outside perspective, to talk about life decisions and transitions, to help reframe certain issues, to get assistance with some cbt techniques ... it's so incredibly helpful. This life thing isn't always easy.

 

Mental health pros and life coaches and counsellors are very valuable to me. Those of you who do this work - thank you. You make a difference.

[Melissa in Australia]

.

Yes - other - as part of the process when putting in a formal complaint against a tutor ( who was the head of the department) at university last year

[TianXiaXueXiao]

Yes to pre-marital counseling, marriage counseling, and family therapy. Two different therapists. I preferred the Gestalt and Transactional Analysis therapy which was really transformative and helped me greatly in changing the way I think, act, and interpret the words and actions of others.

[Chris in VA]

Yes--I voted other because I've participated in individual and family counseling for various reasons.

 

It's an old adage that the problem you go in for is not the problem. IOW, what you present is often just a symptom of something underneath. I think that happens to many people and it scares them, because they uncover things at a deeper level that need healing. Some are able to do the work, some are not, and for some, it's a choice they refuse. I don't think the adage always holds, but it's pretty interesting how often it does. Certainly trust is a huge advantage in the therapist/client relationship. I admire the people I know who are therapists, and how they walk beside people who feel terrified (often) but are quite brave. (Not all are "terrified," but I know it can be scary to confront stuff in therapy.)

[Night Elf]

I said yes to mental illness because that is the most recent situation for me. However, years ago I went to a counselor to discuss my behaviors and pending divorce when my first marriage was ending. She helped me see things and myself in a different light and that was superb. I think counseling is extremely helpful. I also think there is nothing wrong with needing medication, even if temporary. I did feel bad about it once because my medication is for life, but it helps me be somewhat normal and that is the most important thing. Sometimes meds are helpful to get you over the hump and on the road to wellness.

[kathy_overman]

Yes, I believe in working through life's issues with others (friends, counselors, pastors, relatives).  We are all in this adventure together, and we grow together.

 

I/We have been for individual help, couples therapy, a daughter with mental illness, parenting, a son with sleep issues, anxiety, and just learning to become a happier and emotionally healthier person.

 

It is so important to find a person with whom you click, and then it can be a wonderful personal growth experience.  I also have found support, comfort and joy in 12 step groups.  I find 12 step groups (again, the right one), to be a great place to be honest and share time with others in authenticity and vulnerability.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I went to some family therapy and individual therapy, but none as an adult.  I did not have good experiences.  They weren't terrible experiences.  They just weren't particularly useful.

 

I am not anti therapy though because I have seen it help some people in my life.

 

 

[Carrie12345]

The poll will only take one answer.  

 

I'm a huge fan of therapy. For anyone and everyone. For big reasons or "no" reason.   :D

 

I'm kind of obsessed with the social sciences and how little we pay attention to what they have to offer.

[Carrie12345]

I do want to add that there certainly are bad counselors out there.  My personal opinion, based on my own experiences and stories from others, is that the process is much more about the client/patient's receptiveness than it is about the counselor.  

Still, a truly terrible counselor could do real damage.  But no therapy is going to be successful without a real buy-in.

[sunflowerlady]

No, but I do consider it. I just haven't actually taken time to do it. It is hard to know what sort of professional I need to see.Also making the time and budgeting the funds is a challenge.

[Jen in NY]

I went when PPD was very deep after my 2nd child. It was hands down the best thing I have ever done for myself.... I know that sounds weird, but it truly was.

 

It's not like I am a martyr.... I do fun things for myself. :) It was just hard to make myself go - but in the end had the most lasting positive impact on my happiness.

[Crimson Wife]

Yes, at various times for various reasons. I've had good counselors/therapists and not-so-good ones. I do better with ones that are more cognitive-behavioral and not so much, "let's explore your feelings".

[Pronghorn]

Best thing I ever did for myself. It has made me a much better mother because I understand my own behavior and where it is coming from and therefore have the ability to change my behavior. I also benefited from my counselor's attitude of total acceptance. That was transformative for me personally, plus I tried to extend the same acceptance to my daughter as we worked through her trauma and attachment issues.

[Critterfixer]

Yes, as part of treatment for depression. I found it useful.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I get a lot of therapy from strangers on-line.  LOL  I know people poo on the idea that that is legit and true, but I find it to be useful for me.  Sometimes just getting a thought or feeling out there and having any sort of feed back is helpful. 

 

My problem with therapy at this point is that I've had so much therapy I feel like nobody is going to tell me something I haven't heard before. 

[fruitofthewomb]

I have only gone to 2 sessions so far but between some major trauma & PPD I decided to get extra help (besides meds). I would like to go more but circumstances just haven't worked out.

 

I have been surprised by how helpful it has been. I wish DH would go to marriage counseling.

[J-rap]

I really wanted to during my most down period following my husband's injury, but I live in a small town and know all of the counselors personally.  I didn't feel comfortable spilling my guts to them, so I chose my sister instead.  So, although I voted no, I certainly think they can be very helpful.  But I think you have to be very careful in who you choose.

 

 

 

 

[texasmama]

Yes, early and often, and all of the above to the poll.  ;)  Marital, family, individual, took my kids, sent my dh - all of the above, as I said.  I've had the good, the bad, the incompetent, the boundary-less, the helpful, the unhelpful, the good fit, the bad fit in therapists.  It's like finding a medical professional to help you.  There are many good ones, some bad ones, some having a bad day, some who specialize in things that aren't helpful to you, some you just aren't going to "click with", new ones who are too new,  old ones who are too old, some who are incompetent, some who can help you in a way that no friend or family member could, etc.

 

I am also a therapist.

[MBM]

I've had some therapy. It was like bursting huge bubbles of grief and was incredibly cathartic. I had an excellent therapist who knew his stuff.

[gardenmom5]

many years ago, I felt strongly prompted to seek counseling. the things pertaining to my grandmother's misdeeds and their effect upon me came out very quickly.  it opened up a new world, and was liberating.  I've since come to understand her narcisstic personality disorder - and how a mother with that impacts her children and grandchildren.

[marbel]

I went twice: 

 

1.  For marriage counseling with my first husband.  He didn't go for very long.  The counselor who we worked with continued to help me come to terms with divorce. 

 

2. For help dealing with some sibling issues that were driving me crazy.

 

It was valuable for me.  I do know there are good and not good counselors/therapists out there.  Maybe I was lucky and got good ones each time.

[gardenmom5]

Chris in VA, on 18 Feb 2015 - 03:39 AM, said:Chris in VA, on 18 Feb 2015 - 03:39 AM, said:

 

 

It's an old adage that the problem you go in for is not the problem.

not always. during a season of profound stress (and it turns out my chemistry was seriously out of whack at the time too.) I again sought counseling.  unfortunately, the one I had gone to previously had left the area and wasn't available.  

 

I had a counselor who seemed to ascribe to your "it's not the surface problem that's the problem", and spent several vistis fishing for marital problems - when that wasn't the problem at all.  she wanted dh to come - fine, he came next appointment, no problem.  then she asked me what I had to do to get him to come. um, ask?  she did NOT believe me that all I did was ask once.  I ended up walking out on her as she really wasn't hearing what I was saying and was a total waste of my time and money.

 

while I was dealing with very serious stress from a specific ongoing situation (for which I sought counseling in the first place), I also had a very serious chemical imbalance that needed to be treated medically.  BOTH had to be addressed.  only then did I start to get better.  I can guarantee she'd never have found the chemistry.

[lllll]

tmi

[Spryte]

Yes, individual therapy for reasons precipitated by my FOO.  I have had good and bad therapists - the good ones lasted, the bad ones I let go fairly quickly.  There is nothing as excellent as a kick butt therapist.  :)  I've done a few family therapy sessions with DSS, hoping to support him in his healing, though he is not yet committed to therapy, and only going as a way to placate his parents, sadly.  

[Dory]

The poll only takes one answer so I picked my biggest reason for seeing a counsellor. I had to go through NUMEROUS counsellors before I found one that was a fit for me. I really learned a lot about what I needed too. It was hard work finding one and getting where I am but I would recommend it to anyone.

[Hwin]

Yes, I went to CBT for trich and it also helped me manage my anxiety. PPD followed with my last child and it became evident quickly that meds were needed. I also visit a child psych to help me mother my special needs kiddo better. It's pretty infrequent, but he gives me insights about what my son's behavior is communicating and I've had more than a few lightbulb moments.

 

As a teen, I was forced to attend therapy and it was terrible.

[texasmama]

Forgot to say I have been in several therapy groups through the years. Love me some group therapy.

[MomtoCandJ]

Dh and I have done marriage counseling and I went to a mental health clinic and was diagnosed with ADD. Since my ADD diagnosis dh and I haven't need marriage counseling, now that there's a "reason" for some of my mishaps (money related, I have really bad impulse issues when it comes to my girls and now that I don't have direct access to the money, the impulse passes before I can get it). I have access to money but there's a process to get it and that kills the impulse.

[KungFuPanda]

_{The jury is still out on this for me. I'm going to one, but since I knew her before and I want to put on a good face, it probably hasn't been as helpful as it could have been. There is someone we wanted my husband to see but he is booked far, far out. He has had two sessions now and it has been helpful. We wanted to get me in to see a psychiatrist but none of the good ones are taking new patients.. So my husband played his doctor card and got someone to agree to see me. Right now my appointment is in April, but I am on the call if there is a cancellation list...}

 

_{So I was thinking of coming on here and posting this question, but then I saw this post and so I thought it fit into this discussion: I'm lucky. Since my husband is a doc, I'm getting in though it feels like eternity before I will see him.. But what does that mean for mental health.. It is hard enough to get up the courage to admit that you need help. But so many of the resources just are not there. It makes you think why bother.... And this will all be out of pocket...}

THIS is a huge problem. I have a friend whose two oldest children went through similar, scary psychotic 'episodes' in their late teens. Counseling and temporary medication took care of the problem and got them through that patch. However, the process of a new patient getting in to see someone during a crisis is ridiculously drawn out. There's not much choice other than the emergency room or waiting for months. She's seriously considering taking her perfectly fine 11-year-old in for a few appointments just so she'll be an established patient down the road. Established patients are seen that week; sometimes that day.

[Liz CA]

I admire anyone who realizes they have a problem and actively seeks help for it.

 

I have never understood it when people acted as though it was some sort of weakness to see a therapist. I always figured it showed that the person was taking the bull by the horns and dealing with their problems head-on, which I think is quite courageous. It's not easy to admit you need help.

 

Oddly enough the bolded is very true. If we have pain in the abdomen, we don't think twice about seeing a doctor but pain in heart. mind and soul is supposed to be either hidden or go away by itself.

[shinyhappypeople]

 

No one gets out of my family of origin unscathed mentally. Plus I am a sexual assault survivor who had PTSD and I had serious PPD after my second son was born. Like paranoid delusions/nearly full on break with reality serious PPD.

 

Oh my gosh, that made me LOL.

 

Yes, I've gone to counseling when I was in college / early 20s to deal with behavior and realtionship issues stemming from pretty much every kind of parental abuse you can imagine (esp. Dad).  It was.... okay.  I do have fond memories of that counselor.  She was extremely kind and compassionate, but didn't really give me any TOOLS to help make my life better.  Venting to her helped, but I was also needing advice and some constructive push-back to my nutty thinking.

 

Tried counseling again about 8 years ago to deal with depression, but that counselor SUCKED.  She was super-judgmental, jumped to unkind conclusions about me and, to top it off, lied.  She double-booked one of her appointment slots (me and someone else) and when I got there she was like, "What are you doing here?"  Then she called me later (which annoyed me because I was SO done with her), didn't own her mistake, LIED about what happened, shifted ALL the blame on me.  I decided that she wasn't mentally healthy herself and was in no way suited to help me. Good riddance.

 

I may attempt counseling again in the future if I decide it would be helpful, but I'm finding more value in friends. 

[Loowit]

I went for severe PPD.  I found that medication helped, the counseling was okay.  Mainly I went to adjust the medication dosage and didn't do a lot of talking.  I am currently taking medication for depression and it is working very well.  I don't feel like counseling would help in my situation.

 

In the last few years I have had a wonderful experience with a counselor that really cared and helped my child tremendously.  But then she moved and we ended up with a really, really bad counselor and a horrific experience.  This was for my child, not myself.  I think that counseling can be helpful, but only if you find one that is good at their job and if the person going is willing to be there.  After my child's last experience with the very bad, emotionally abusive counselor he absolutely refuses to go back to counseling.  My child needs the help, but I think just going back to the office that bad counselor was at would be traumatic.  We don't have really any options in our area except that one clinic.

[LostSurprise]

I voted Yes, trauma, but it seems a bit time dependent. I'm sure you just mean the trauma can be past or present, but there's also on-going trauma.

 

I'm going because I'm the mother and caretaker of a child who's developed a serious medical condition with deteriorating mental and physical abilities. It's been 6 years, but I only recently started counseling (and will be seeing a psychiatrist in a few months). Both dh and I have a lot of good coping skills, but even the strongest person can get worn down over time and I noticed my recent coping mechanisms were becoming more unhealthy and the depression less situation-based so I made an appointment. 

 

I'm not sure how helpful it is. So far we are covering coping stuff I've already used for years. The poor woman is a bit overwhelmed by my situation, I think, or maybe I just don't know how to use her effectively (probably both). I'll stick it out and see what the psychiatrist has to offer, but while I'm open to medication, I'm not really interested in being on it for the rest of my life. I just want to enjoy some times, look forward to some things, carve out some stability. 

[BigMamaBird]

I have never participated in any type of formal therapy, but I wouldn't have a problem using services if I needed them.  

[foxbridgeacademy]

I did, once. I had some serious life issues going on while in college and went to see the student services therapist.  He put me on an anti-anxiety med.  I slept for 3 weeks straight, failed 1/2 my classes and ended up quitting college (the stress and the bad grades combined).  

 

Even though I had a bad experience I still think therapy and counselling are valid treatments for many issues.  In fact DD will be going to her first session next week for her anxiety issues.   No meds though, just some talk therapy, keep your fingers crossed, we really need this to work.

[goldberry]

DH and I went to a counselor at about 4 years of marriage.  It literally saved our marriage and I count it among the best things we ever did.  I have also been to a counselor for PPD after DD was born.  The counselor worked with me for a bit, and eventually confirmed what my doctor said that I was doing all the right things and getting all the right support behaviorally, and I needed medication.  She was right. 

 

I know there are some bad (or just unhelpful) counselors out there because of stories friends have told me.  My own experiences were good.  If I needed a counselor and got a bad one, I would just look for another one, not abandon the concept.  It's very personal and you have to be well-matched with your counselor.

[Dmmetler]

Yes, to cope with PSTD and PPD following severe Pre-eclampsia, HELLP syndrome, and infant loss.

 

By the way, a couple of years ago, I was getting new life insurance, and was flagged due to having been on antidepressants. When the insurance lady called for clarification, I let her have it with both barrels, asked her if she'd read the rest of my medical records that immediately preceded going on antidepressants, and if she had, to ask herself if SHE could have done it without drugs?

 

She agreed with me, and the insurance coverage came through, without being ridered or flagged for mental health issues.

[gardenmom5]

Liz CA, on 18 Feb 2015 - 08:42 AM, said:

Oddly enough the bolded is very true. If we have pain in the abdomen, we don't think twice about seeing a doctor but pain in heart. mind and soul is supposed to be either hidden or go away by itself.

 

I had to have insurance company approval to see a counselor.  the person from the *insurance* company said 'why don't you just talk to a friend?"  diminishing stuff like that is why people are less likely to go in for mental health medical care.  and of course - how long it can take to get in with some providers makes it into a joke.

 

people do not want to see themselves as weak.  people do delay getting medical care for physical stuff because they don't want to face they may be weak physically.  I happened to see one dr the same week a good dr. friend of hers was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.  she was pretty upset about it.  he was a DR, and wouldn't go in when he was having physical symptoms.