Is this age appropriate for a 10 yr old?

[Elisabet1]

I generally cannot have any snacks or treats at all because as soon as the children see it, they want it, and they want it all, and they want it NOW. I think that is normal for the small children. But the 10 yr old?

 

Tonight, 10 yr old wanted Tortellini for dinner. Fine. Husband goes to store and buys it. WHILE it is cooking, I am looking for the check book. 10 yr old sees hidden Cadbury Minieggs in the drawer where I am looking for the check book. So right away, he gets excited and starts grabbing at it. He has NO special needs. But of course, because he did this, his little sister saw. Now she is sitting on the floor crying for the candy. I am ticked that he did this! He is getting the dinner he wants. And while it was cooking, he did this. Maybe I am overreacting. But I am tired of this. He is such a picky eater that most nights, we deal with his complaints about what we are cooking. Then, while cooking a meal he wanted that I hated, he has to grab at this bag, which led to his little sister seeing it. 

 

Would you give a grounding or consequence for this? Or would you call it normal behavior? Or what?

[MiMi 4under3]

Being hungry before dinner and kids trying to eat chocolate would be a normal scenario in my house.

 

(I even do it myself sometimes.)  :o 

[Joker]

My 15 year old dd stood at the stove two days ago and was about to eat lasagna right out of the dish. She was seriously hungry. I "sample" food as I am cooking it on days that I am really hungry. I don't know why it should be different for my teen dds. I actually usually always put out a veggie tray while cooking so they can snack and they almost always partake. We don't keep chocolate in our house as it's just a special weekend treat. They eat it fast but if it was laying around while I was cooking some days they would definitely make a grab for it. So, I wouldn't give a consequence.

[Anne in CA]

When I am hungry I will have some chocolate chips to tide me over, I can't see a 10 yo not being tempted. I think even an adult might have grabbed for a bag of candy, lol.

[Joanne]

I don't know if it's normal.

 

That culture around food wouldn't have flown here; it just wouldn't.

 

You don't have to eat anything, not even a bite. You can POLITELY decline. You can not complain, whine, or be critical of the food. At younger ages, being frantic or grabby about a food meant you don't get that food. While I tried hard to stay away from "good food" and "junk (or bad) food" labeling, I was not always successful.

 

We never did "dessert" or any form of "eat your food before dessert."

[EmseB]

My kids would have seen them, maybe grabbed, and said, "Hey, can I have one of those?!?!?!" and I would have looked at them like they were crazy and told them maybe after dinner, but dinner is cooking right now, so either scoot or help set the table.  That would have been the end of it.  Unless, the toddler maybe would have thrown a fit if he had figured out what it was, but he's 2 and I can still pretty much redirect him with a job or a drink.

 

It does drive me crazy when stuff like that happens when I'm busy in the kitchen, though.

[umsami]

I think it's pretty normal behavior, but I totally understand how it can be frustrating.

 

I would just say something along the lines of "hey, everybody loves mini-eggs....but you know how it can be harder for little kids to wait on things.  Next time, if you see a treat in the drawer or my purse, please just leave it there and don't mention it."

 

No consequence or anything else.  

 

 

[AK_Mom4]

Grabbing things out of a drawer wihile I was looking for something there would probably get a kid reprimanded for being rude - they can wait their turn at the drawer. 

 

Doing it while I was very pregnant (when looking for stuff is even harder!) would definitely have resulted in said child being growled at by Mom and sent out of the room without any candy.

 

Hungry small children crying because they didn't get candy would give me a headache, causing me to growl and stomp around being angry at the first child who was grabbing things from the drawer.

 

Consequence for grabbing stuff?  A grumpy, stompy Mom and being sent away.

[LucyStoner]

I wonder what time it was. For us, if it is getting late, I chalk up a lot of behavior to being hungry. I usually set out what they can have (generally apples, carrots, maybe some cheese or crackers) on the table. They know that there is open season on that. If I have something like chocolate around and it is not out, they know they have to ask. The pre-meal random healthy nibbles on the table for all but the earliest of dinners generally averts disaster.

[Catwoman]

I generally cannot have any snacks or treats at all because as soon as the children see it, they want it, and they want it all, and they want it NOW. I think that is normal for the small children. But the 10 yr old?

 

Tonight, 10 yr old wanted Tortellini for dinner. Fine. Husband goes to store and buys it. WHILE it is cooking, I am looking for the check book. 10 yr old sees hidden Cadbury Minieggs in the drawer where I am looking for the check book. So right away, he gets excited and starts grabbing at it. He has NO special needs. But of course, because he did this, his little sister saw. Now she is sitting on the floor crying for the candy. I am ticked that he did this! He is getting the dinner he wants. And while it was cooking, he did this. Maybe I am overreacting. But I am tired of this. He is such a picky eater that most nights, we deal with his complaints about what we are cooking. Then, while cooking a meal he wanted that I hated, he has to grab at this bag, which led to his little sister seeing it.

 

Would you give a grounding or consequence for this? Or would you call it normal behavior? Or what?

A grounding or a consequence for what?

 

I'm sorry, but it sounds like you are really overreacting here.

 

I don't understand why you are so upset. I also don't understand why you have candy hidden around the house, but maybe you were saving it as a surprise for later or something. Next time, find a better hiding spot!

 

I wouldn't be pleased that he grabbed at the candy, but his sister is the one who pitched a fit about it. If he had been the one who threw a tantrum, I would view this entirely differently.

[Ali in OR]

Totally normal behavior for a large family. I grew up in what I now call a competitive food environment. I have two older brothers and one younger sister. When Mom came home from the grocery store, we knew we had to eat the good snacks right away or we wouldn't get any. Trust me, if you don't sit and have a bowl of cereal right away, your older brothers will finish off the box before you get any. So you just learn to not delay gratification because there won't be any gratification at all if you do! Some primal part of your son's brain said "Chocolate. Eat it now or it will be gone." That doesn't make it any less frustrating for you but it's not unusual or abnormal behavior. And good luck modifying it!

[Ellie]

I generally cannot have any snacks or treats at all because as soon as the children see it, they want it, and they want it all, and they want it NOW. I think that is normal for the small children. But the 10 yr old?

 

Tonight, 10 yr old wanted Tortellini for dinner. Fine. Husband goes to store and buys it. WHILE it is cooking, I am looking for the check book. 10 yr old sees hidden Cadbury Minieggs in the drawer where I am looking for the check book. So right away, he gets excited and starts grabbing at it. He has NO special needs. But of course, because he did this, his little sister saw. Now she is sitting on the floor crying for the candy. I am ticked that he did this! He is getting the dinner he wants. And while it was cooking, he did this. Maybe I am overreacting. But I am tired of this. He is such a picky eater that most nights, we deal with his complaints about what we are cooking. Then, while cooking a meal he wanted that I hated, he has to grab at this bag, which led to his little sister seeing it. 

 

Would you give a grounding or consequence for this? Or would you call it normal behavior? Or what?

 

Maybe my dc were just different, but I cannot imagine either of mine "grabbing" at food. o_0

[Tsuga]

Hard to say what's normal and what's not normal.

 

I would suggest Ellyn Satter's method for the whole family, full stop. If your child reacts to that, even after six weeks of almost perfect consistency, with anorexia or food hoarding, then I would recommend a nutritionist or psychologist. However her methods have worked for many and they are very common sense, logical, and consistent with many parenting styles.

 

I was fortunate enough to come across Satter's method very early on and have used more or less that food ethic their whole life. She is still picky and like ALL primates she loves sugar, but I would not say that she would react like your son (though she, too, would probably dictate dinner nightly and eat pasta if she thought that were a possibility--god knows she tries, but she's more polite about it and doesn't grab). And they do eat new foods and are mostly polite. Okay. Not that polite. But they know what polite is and they try.

 

 

[Momling]

I would think about what behaviors you may have inadvertently reinforced. It sounds like your son gets rewarded (with food) when he complains about or demands or refuses certain foods or grabs at food out of a drawer? If it were me, I would take back control of the food. Make a family friendly dinner that everyone is okay with and let him choose to eat or not. Have structured meals and snack times (in which you choose the food and offer it to him), get rid of (or hide well) all treats and save desserts for special occasions not tied to meals, and never give in to demands at the supermarket or at home about food.

 

I know lots of families happily accommodate their children's food desires and if you're okay with giving him what he wants, when he wants it, then that's one thing. But it sounds like you're not happy... For me, it's really important not to have power struggles over food. I set the rules. I buy the food, I prepare the food, they choose to eat it or not.

[TXBeth]

Maybe my dc were just different, but I cannot imagine either of mine "grabbing" at food. o_0

I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but this comment seems really unhelpful and kind of ... snotty. Like "what kind of hellions are you raising? My angels would never act like that." If you never dealt with any grabbing (hard to believe, but ok), then you clearly have nothing helpful to contribute, so why post?

[momto10blessings]

MY current 10 year old would not do that, but every kid is different.

If it did happen, the 10 year old would be taking care of little sis either until she was happy or dinner was ready.

Hugs.

[poppy]

Hard to say what's normal and what's not normal.

 

I would suggest Ellyn Satter's method for the whole family, full stop. If your child reacts to that, even after six weeks of almost perfect consistency, with anorexia or food hoarding, then I would recommend a nutritionist or psychologist. However her methods have worked for many and they are very common sense, logical, and consistent with many parenting styles.

 

I was fortunate enough to come across Satter's method very early on and have used more or less that food ethic their whole life. She is still picky and like ALL primates she loves sugar, but I would not say that she would react like your son (though she, too, would probably dictate dinner nightly and eat pasta if she thought that were a possibility--god knows she tries, but she's more polite about it and doesn't grab). And they do eat new foods and are mostly polite. Okay. Not that polite. But they know what polite is and they try.

What on earth does Satter's methods have to do with a kid seeing candy and impulsively grabbing it?? I agree it's common sense and logical. I also think kids getting excited about candy is entirely predictable. Really, you're saying a person who feeds your kids well and appropriately guarantees either a kid perfectly well behaved around food or in need of counseling?

[8circles]

A 10 year-old boy grabbing at candy?  Unheard of.  Better call some boarding schools.

 

Elizabet1, I think you need to chill.  Maybe have a little candy, put your feet up, have some tea.  It isn't desirable behavior, but it is normal.  Tell him not to grab, try to distract the little one with actual dinner, don't let it get to you.  

[albeto.]

I generally cannot have any snacks or treats at all because as soon as the children see it, they want it, and they want it all, and they want it NOW. I think that is normal for the small children. But the 10 yr old?

 

Tonight, 10 yr old wanted Tortellini for dinner. Fine. Husband goes to store and buys it. WHILE it is cooking, I am looking for the check book. 10 yr old sees hidden Cadbury Minieggs in the drawer where I am looking for the check book. So right away, he gets excited and starts grabbing at it. He has NO special needs. But of course, because he did this, his little sister saw. Now she is sitting on the floor crying for the candy. I am ticked that he did this! He is getting the dinner he wants. And while it was cooking, he did this. Maybe I am overreacting. But I am tired of this. He is such a picky eater that most nights, we deal with his complaints about what we are cooking. Then, while cooking a meal he wanted that I hated, he has to grab at this bag, which led to his little sister seeing it. 

 

Would you give a grounding or consequence for this? Or would you call it normal behavior? Or what?

 

Mama, you need a better hiding place for your stash!

[Joker]

Sometimes this forum makes me feel like I'm from another planet. My dds would never do this in public or with anyone other than immediate family. Home is a place where we can be silly and crazy. My dds have proven this by traveling alone and exhibiting amazing manners and eating things they don't normally eat. We have modeled good behavior and my dds know how to behave. Home is somewhere they can be "grabby" and weird and it's really okay. It's comfortable. Dds are 15 and 13 now and I get compliments all the time from other parents on their behavior so I'm okay with having "grabby" kids at home at dinner time. They make me laugh.

[momto10blessings]

What on earth does Satter's methods have to do with a kid seeing candy and impulsively grabbing it?? I agree it's common sense and logical. I also think kids getting excited about candy is entirely predictable. Really, you're saying a person who feeds your kids well and appropriately guarantees either a kid perfectly well behaved around food or in need of counseling?

I think she was referring to Elizabet's son being so picky

[8circles]

Sometimes this forum makes me feel like I'm from another planet. My dds would never do this in public or with anyone other than immediate family. Home is a place where we can be silly and crazy. My dds have proven this by traveling alone and exhibiting amazing manners and eating things they don't normally eat. We have modeled good behavior and my dds know how to behave. Home is somewhere they can be "grabby" and weird and it's really okay. It's comfortable. Dds are 15 and 13 now and I get compliments all the time from other parents on their behavior so I'm okay with having "grabby" kids at home at dinner time. They make me laugh.

 

I'm from that same planet.  :)

[MomatHWTK]

I have one that would totallly grab for candy.  And the candy issue is totally separate in my mind from anything you are cooking for dinner.  I don't think it is fair to resent a child for accomodating his food requests.  If you choose to make the accomodation, then you don't get to hold a grudge about it. Give the kids the candy and move on with life. 

 

 

[hornblower]

Grabbing candy out of a drawer is normal in my books.

Being picky about food is normal too.

I don't hide candy and make it forbidden or special though. If i buy it, we divvy it up and everyone can eat when they want. You do not eat other people's stuff though so if you've eaten yours, then it's all gone.

 

Your son sounds normal. I'd probably have just given some to both kids, had one myself and moved on....

[Tsuga]

What on earth does Satter's methods have to do with a kid seeing candy and impulsively grabbing it?? I agree it's common sense and logical. I also think kids getting excited about candy is entirely predictable. Really, you're saying a person who feeds your kids well and appropriately guarantees either a kid perfectly well behaved around food or in need of counseling?

 

Dear me no. The part about counseling had to do with pickiness, but it does all go together. I was suggesting that if the child became anorexic or otherwise seriously began to modify his behavior when denied the right to dictate the family menu, then the child might need counseling. Not that a grabby child needed counseling! If that were the case we'd all have been in counseling many times over.

 

What I mean was that if implementing Satter's methods did not result in better eating habits, but instead led the child not to eat hardly anything, then you'd want to look at other causes for the child's behavior. Just to leave open the possibility of an underlying health issue rather than a behavioral issue that was mainly coming from the environment.

 

"He is such a picky eater that most nights, we deal with his complaints about what we are cooking. Then, while cooking a meal he wanted that I hated, he has to grab at this bag, which led to his little sister seeing it."

 

I guess I attributed grabbiness to the child's eating issues (pickiness, rudeness at the table) because she said he did not have other special needs. So I would assume, in that case, that it's a question of training the child to appreciate food, not to take food that wasn't his, and to wait until mealtime. Anyway in our house that's all bundled up into the overall "you appreciate food, candy isn't food, you eat at mealtime, don't grab but be respectful" etc. This is not to say of course that my kids never grab. But I will say that no, most of the 10-year-olds didn't grab when at my home. I see about five different ten year olds on a regular basis, but other than DSD they are all guests so that's a whole other story.

[Arcadia]

It depends on the ground rules in your family in the first place. My older loves chocolate a lot more than younger so we divide up the rations and older knows that he is not allowed to eat from other people share. They are also not allowed in the kitchen when I am cooking because I need the space to move around my kitchen.

 

A 10 year old grabbing candies is normal. Whether there are consequences depends on what rules were set before the event.

[TXBeth]

If your DD hadn't seen the candy, would you still be upset at your son? If so, if you normally have a consequence for grabbing things, I would give that consequence (or reminder or lecture or whatever). Otherwise, I don't think it's fair to punish him for your DD's tantrum.

We deal with this a lot because DS7 has a hair trigger and I get frustrated at the girls for setting him off. But I have to remember not to scold them unless their behavior was actually inappropriate (even if DS hadn't reacted).

[Carrie12345]

I can understand wanting the candy.  Grabbing would strike me as strange in my house.  If I had to picture it going down here, I suppose my 11yo would spot the candy and gasp, "Ooh, I didn't know we had candy!" and everyone would come running.  I'd sigh and dole out pieces, wishing I had hidden them better so I could have them all to myself.

[Ottakee]

I can understand wanting the candy.  Grabbing would strike me as strange in my house.  If I had to picture it going down here, I suppose my 11yo would spot the candy and gasp, "Ooh, I didn't know we had candy!" and everyone would come running.  I'd sigh and dole out pieces, wishing I had hidden them better so I could have them all to myself.

This would be the typical thing in my house..........including mom having to think of a better hiding place :-)

[SparklyUnicorn]

Lots of adults here talk about shutting themselves in a bedroom to eat something junky so their kids don't see.  Um how is that not normal for a 10 year old?

 

 

[Joyofsixreboot]

Honest to God my husband does this.  It drives me crazy. Is it a personality thing maybe? I wouldn't be surprised by this. I would expect my 10 yo to accept no when I said it. I would ignore the crying younger sib. I suspect my dh's mother did not ignore his fit, thus the adult who can't wait for dinner.

[unsinkable]

None of my kids would have done that. But I can say, I've seen other kids do it.

 

It's a chicken and the egg thing for me...in our house, treats are always available. "Holiday" candy gets put in bowls or dishes and put out for anyone to have whenever. I trust the kids to moderate themselves. It just works for us.

 

OTOH, I once brought a bag of my friend's favorite candy as a gift for her to her house. Her child asked if he could have "some" and she said yes. He took the bag, went to the basement, and ate the entire thing. This is a family that really emphasized "treats" and "special treats" and "clean plate club before dessert" so basically, the exact opposite of how I handle food.

 

So I don't know...I guess it's normal for some kids.

[regentrude]

I consider it completely normal. My 15 y/o would do this. My DH would do this - if there is candy, and he feels like eating candy, he would eat it.

It would be no big deal in our house.

If I don't want DS to eat candy, I make sure there is none in the house.

 

ETA: I consider it unreasonable to expect a 10 y/o to anticipate his sister seeing the candy and whining. Kids that age don't think that far ahead, so it makes no sense to blame him for that.

[SparklyUnicorn]

None of my kids would have done that. But I can say, I've seen other kids do it.

 

It's a chicken and the egg thing for me...in our house, treats are always available. "Holiday" candy gets put in bowls or dishes and put out for anyone to have whenever. I trust the kids to moderate themselves. It just works for us.

 

OTOH, I once brought a bag of my friend's favorite candy as a gift for her to her house. Her child asked if he could have "some" and she said yes. He took the bag, went to the basement, and ate the entire thing. This is a family that really emphasized "treats" and "special treats" and "clean plate club before dessert" so basically, the exact opposite of how I handle food.

 

So I don't know...I guess it's normal for some kids.

 

That's what I do.  So it's not all that interesting after awhile.  It's always there so nothing special. 

[Joyofsixreboot]

That's what I do.  So it's not all that interesting after awhile.  It's always there so nothing special. 

Oh, I still find it interesting! :lol: All those people who say you'll make yourself sick or it's too rich or you'll spoil your dinner? Not me. Iron stomach.  I just. don't. start. :drool:

[Lolly]

Totally normal behavior for a large family. I grew up in what I now call a competitive food environment. I have two older brothers and one younger sister. When Mom came home from the grocery store, we knew we had to eat the good snacks right away or we wouldn't get any. Trust me, if you don't sit and have a bowl of cereal right away, your older brothers will finish off the box before you get any. So you just learn to not delay gratification because there won't be any gratification at all if you do! Some primal part of your son's brain said "Chocolate. Eat it now or it will be gone." That doesn't make it any less frustrating for you but it's not unusual or abnormal behavior. And good luck modifying it!

 

Yes. This. Unless there is always enough to go around for everyone to get all that they want, this is most likely the case. And, honestly, I seriously doubt that anyone is buying enough Cadbury mini eggs for everyone to have as many as they want whenever they want them. I hope not, at least. Iknow my kids go for the good snacks as soon as they are seen. Even now, and they are much older than 10 and perfectly capable of going to the store to buy their own! If I am standing there, I would most likely be asked if it was okay for them to have some. If not, they would just eat them, or at least what they see as their fair share (which could be all of them since sister1 ate all of X, and sister2 ate all of Y...).

 

Consequences would depend on what your rules are. If there are no rules, and this is pretty much the norm..none. If you have a rule that only you hand out sweets, consequences. Maybe he gets none the next time. But, it sounds like you are more upset because you are now having to deal with an unhappy little one. If caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he should be required to share/even give up the rest to the one who caught him. She should at least get one for before dinner since he did (if any were left/if not do you have a few chocolate chips you could let her have instead). But, no, this wouldn't be terribly on my radar. His consequence at my house would be taking his sister away and making her happy so that I didn't have to listen to her cry.

[zoobie]

So much is lost in typing actions in a paragraph on the internet! A hungry kid sees a favorite candy and excitedly reaches for it? Totally normal. Especially a seasonal candy that's even more "special." My DH gets excited when he sees the mini eggs out in Target. "Grabbed" can have a wide range of meanings too. Did he knock his pregnant mother out of the way to get at the candy? My kids don't have to ask permission before they touch something in a household drawer. (From the answers appalled by the "grabbing," is this unusual for us?) Does grabbing mean immediately opening the bag and stuffing them in his mouth? That would be unusual. I'm assuming it means excitedly reaches for the bag of special candy. Because touching makes it real, lol. ;) Mine would ask oh mom what's this for? Can I have some? before tearing into it. I wouldn't expect a 10 year old to have the foresight to look around, see the little sister, predict her upset...

 

Now if I'm pregnant, sore, trying to make a special dinner for the kid, and now I've got another howling? I would be irritated. Probably unreasonably irritated at the 10 year old, but rationally I would know it was not his fault at all. Just a bit of normal household chaos before supper.

 

Some kids (like some adults!!!) cannot deal with constant access to treats. Having it around makes it worse because then it becomes a habit.

[marbel]

So, your son asked for a specific food for dinner, which you do not like and did not have in the house so your husband had to go buy it, is that it?  It sounds as if you were angry with him to start with, and his grabbing the bag of candy sent you over the edge.   Of course it didn't help that it set your daughter off.

 

No consequences to the boy.  But I'd start working on your responses to his pickiness.  I'll cook food I don't like if others in the family like it, but no way is anyone making a special trip to the store for a specific food someone wants that we are out of. 

 

(Exception for sickness.  If someone's sick and wants something, I'll make the effort to please them.)

[Ellie]

I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but this comment seems really unhelpful and kind of ... snotty. Like "what kind of hellions are you raising? My angels would never act like that." If you never dealt with any grabbing (hard to believe, but ok), then you clearly have nothing helpful to contribute, so why post?

 

The OP asked if the behavior was "age appropriate." I answered that neither of mine would have "grabbed" food. I didn't say they were perfect; I just said that my children did not exhibit that particular behavior, so in my experience, no, that behavior was not appropriate. I cannot help it that it seems to be appropriate for other children.

[vonfirmath]

None of my kids would have done that. But I can say, I've seen other kids do it.

 

It's a chicken and the egg thing for me...in our house, treats are always available. "Holiday" candy gets put in bowls or dishes and put out for anyone to have whenever. I trust the kids to moderate themselves. It just works for us.

 

OTOH, I once brought a bag of my friend's favorite candy as a gift for her to her house. Her child asked if he could have "some" and she said yes. He took the bag, went to the basement, and ate the entire thing. This is a family that really emphasized "treats" and "special treats" and "clean plate club before dessert" so basically, the exact opposite of how I handle food.

 

So I don't know...I guess it's normal for some kids.

 

My guess is they may have emphasized special treats because they were not lucky enough to have children who could moderate themselves.

[unsinkable]

IME, we didn't start when kids were preteens or teenagers about sharing food. We taught and modeled things like: splitting the last piece of something, offering the last piece to everyone else first, asking if anyone wants the last piece.

 

Sometimes I think it worked too well because we have so many situations where there is one cupcake or one piece of candy left for days and days bc everyone is saving it for someone else.

 

If a favorite something is bought that multiple people enjoy, we all self-regulate. None of us would eat an entire box of ______. It doesn't mean we wouldn't want to or that there is enough for everyone to eat as much as they want, it means we choose not to because we know others will want some too.

[SKL]

I might give him the logical consequence of having to distract and quiet his little sister.  I would talk to him about not doing that in the future.

 

I could see my kids pulling out candy out of curiosity or excitement or to get it ready for pouncing on it after dinner.  ;)  But we don't have any wee tots around.

 

We have an iffy relationship with candy around here, because my kid who loves it also doesn't do well after eating it.  I try not to make a big deal out of it because she may sneak and horde, and I don't want candy to be the center of a big emotional drama.  But on the other hand, my 8yos know that I would not approve of their eating candy before a meal, or even after a meal without permission.  Do they sometimes sneak it anyway, yes.  Do I punish for this, generally not.

[unsinkable]

My guess is they may have emphasized special treats because they were not lucky enough to have children who could moderate themselves.

I don't know. I said that. But if they never gave their kids a chance to moderate themselves IRE to "treats" (which they told me they didn't) they'd never know if they were lucky.

[Tsuga]

Lots of adults here talk about shutting themselves in a bedroom to eat something junky so their kids don't see.  Um how is that not normal for a 10 year old?

 

I don't grab other people's candy then run and hide. I may have candy in a box that only I can eat and that is normal.

 

Grabbing for a 10 year old, normal or not, in my house would not be acceptable.

[fairfarmhand]

I don't know. I said that. But if they never gave their kids a chance to moderate themselves IRE to "treats" (which they told me they didn't) they'd never know if they were lucky.

 

Just so you know, I do have 2 children who cannot self-moderate with food.

 

When at Grandma's house, who would let child eat all they wanted of anything, they generally threw up from eating too much of whatever she would give them.

 

Did that enforce self-moderation?

 

Nope.

 

Still has a hard time moderating eating, even though they know that too many treats makes them sick.

 

(I specifically would tell Grandma when dropping kids off "Child x will not stop eating until she gets sick. You have to help her with that." Grandma's attitude was "She'll stop when she's full." So I had little sympathy when Grandma was cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night. Grandma finally came around to agreeing with me after several years of the same scenario occurring.)

 

And it's not just candy or other treats. It's eating anything.

[goldberry]

My kids would have seen them, maybe grabbed, and said, "Hey, can I have one of those?!?!?!" and I would have looked at them like they were crazy and told them maybe after dinner, but dinner is cooking right now, so either scoot or help set the table.  

 

This still happens with my 16 yo.

[goldberry]

 

 

I would just say something along the lines of "hey, everybody loves mini-eggs....but you know how it can be harder for little kids to wait on things.  Next time, if you see a treat in the drawer or my purse, please just leave it there and don't mention it."

 

 

 

This.  Good answer.

[Katy]

I never consquence anything that has never been discussed before.  Usually the first time I explain why that was completely inappropriate and selfish and the next time that happened they would have a consequence.

 

However if you've previously never allowed candy before dinner and/or never allowed him to access candy without permission when it is in the house, you can punish him. 

 

Personally I wouldn't.  I'd just find a better hiding place next time.

[Ellie]

I don't grab other people's candy then run and hide. I may have candy in a box that only I can eat and that is normal.

 

Grabbing for a 10 year old, normal or not, in my house would not be acceptable.

 

:iagree:

[unsinkable]

Just so you know, I do have 2 children who cannot self-moderate with food.

 

When at Grandma's house, who would let child eat all they wanted of anything, they generally threw up from eating too much of whatever she would give them.

 

Did that enforce self-moderation?

 

Nope.

 

Still has a hard time moderating eating, even though they know that too many treats makes them sick.

 

(I specifically would tell Grandma when dropping kids off "Child x will not stop eating until she gets sick. You have to help her with that." Grandma's attitude was "She'll stop when she's full." So I had little sympathy when Grandma was cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night. Grandma finally came around to agreeing with me after several years of the same scenario occurring.)

 

And it's not just candy or other treats. It's eating anything.

Just so I know? :confused:

 

Children do eventually need to learn to self-moderate...in everything, not just eating. Isn't that the point of parenting?

 

I'm sharing the steps we took, what our family did. The training wheels have to come off in order to see if kids are ready to ride without them. You don't know if they're ready unless you take them off.