ditching mainstream life...

[UmMusa]

Hypothetical question:

Would you pack up your family and move to a lovely tropical island (or mainland) where cost of living is low, quality of living is good, safe, and slow paced?  Let's say you could sell your assets in the U.S. and take that as a 'seed money' to get you by for a year or two abroad.  One could buy a local business, hotel, etc...

 

Has anyone ditched the rat race on purpose and moved to a dramatically different lifestyle? How has that worked out? Especially with children still at home but nearing college age?

 

I'm just curious :D

[Rebecca in KY]

Sounds like an amazing opportunity that I would regret not taking hold of. :)

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

In a heartbeat. DH, however, would not :(

[Truscifi]

If the opportunity presented itself, yes. Though my kids are not nearing college age. That might change my answer, especially if I needed to have residency to make their admission easier.

[Jean in Newcastle]

As attractive as it sounds, no.  We need to be near good healthcare - the kind that you get in a big city with lots of top-notch specialists.  Dh's work and vocation requires him to be here at least at this time.  This would be the deciding factor really.  He has specific gifts - not the kind where you can look around and say "hey, let's open a bed and breakfast".  

[Amira]

With teenagers, I would only do it if they were completely on board too.  We've sort of done this at different times and the hardest part has been the reaction of one of our children.

 

It can take a while to establish a new life in a completely different place, especially if you want to start your own business. If the local schools aren't an option (and there are many reasons why they might not be), it can be hard to homeschool while trying to get yourself settled and there's less flexibility with education when your children are older.  You can't just take a year off when your child is in 10th grade to build a house and start business, or whatever.  If you have good internet access though, online options can work well.  Also, in places where the cost of living is low, you're probably not going to be making much money.  It'll be enough to live there, but if you need to return to the higher cost of living country, it can be really hard.  It's also hard to completely get rid of all the expenses and obligations you had before, especially if you have older children.

 

I'd much rather do this with younger children, or only one or two children.  But if you're truly looking for a huge change, there are a lot of ways to make that happen and they can easily include lovely new places to live.

 

 

[Aiden]

I have not done that--my dh has chosen a job that allows us to explore the world but that does not allow a lot of time for a slow, relaxed pace of life. However, when we were posted in Cambodia, one of my friends there was an American woman whose American husband was a stockbroker. He could do his job from anywhere, so they chose to do it from Cambodia for a few years in order to enjoy the slower pace of life, the low cost of living, and the climate. They're still there, after I first met them there 3 years ago, so I'd say they like it well enough :) However, their daughter is still early elementary aged, so I can't speak to the almost-college aged child bit.

[Anne in CA]

We ditched our corporate jobs and bought a restaurant in the middle of a large national forest and there are some issues that turned out to be harder than we thought. The internet access is awful and highly expensive for not very much data. Think hundreds of dollars a month. The nearest school is 40 miles away, so dd gets on the bus at 6:30 am. There are no other kids in our area so going to school is important for social reasons. Fortunately it is a good school, out of 35 kids who graduated last year one got into Berkeley, one got into Stanford and one got into West Point. So those are good odds. 

 

The people here are amazing. I love all the people I have met and have started some great friendships, which was hard to do in suburbia when I worked opposite hours of most people.

 

Learning how to manage a whole restaurant and learning to bake in a commercial bakery is HARD. Baking is highly skilled labor, my husband, before his corporate job of managing software engineers, was an excellent line cook so that was no problem, but the baking is tough. So I would make sure I already knew how to deal with what ever business you are going to buy, because mistakes cost money, time, ect and getting used to living in a new place is stressful enough without worrying that your whole savings are in constant jeopardy.

 

Even though it seemed like we didn't have that many friends, I really, really miss my coworkers and church friends and I haven't been able to go to church for a year because I always work on Sunday, and that's sad. 

 

I am glad we have our own business, I love the restaurant, I love these people, but this is hard. Also, running a business takes time away from your children, so think carefully about this when you have young children. I had a good example of how to have a business and a family because my parents were cattle ranchers. It is not the same as having a job.

[UmMusa]

Awesome replies, thank you all so much! You know how sometimes people dream of doing something like that? I'm always the voice of reason who says to just leave well enough alone.  So I'm curious how other mothers feel about that type of thing.  I"m realizing as I get older that I like stability more and more! I might not be as adventurous of an old-timer as I thought I would be.  But you all brought up very valid points.

[ajfries]

We wouldn't unless we could take our families with us (well--his family) :)  We've avoided the rat race altogether where we are. It's not perfect, but I'm happy with our priorities & how they are reflected in our lives.

[milovany]

I don't think I'd do it now, with kids at home.  We moved a lot in the early part of our marriage and now have finally purchased a place and settled in (come next December, this will be the house we've lived longest in -- 5.5 years!).  But right now I think I would consider this if we were retired and if there is an active Orthodox church nearby.  I say "right now" because I don't have any grandbabies yet!  I imagine that could change things. 

[MrsBasil]

No. We are very near both sets of parents and in area we both like OK(it's not our dream area, but there's nothing we actively dislike about it either), have a good network of friends who we care about, and we already live in a town with only around 100,000 people.  Anything smaller or further away from museums, movie theaters, grocery stores with a good selection, and so on would make me unhappy.

 

It sounds like a good idea for people who want to do that though.  Not a bad plan, just not for me.

 

Also my father has recently been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's at age 56.  I want to stay near to him to help my parents out and also spend time with my dad while that's still an option.

[regentrude]

Hypothetical question:

Would you pack up your family and move to a lovely tropical island (or mainland) where cost of living is low, quality of living is good, safe, and slow paced?  Let's say you could sell your assets in the U.S. and take that as a 'seed money' to get you by for a year or two abroad.  One could buy a local business, hotel, etc...

 

Define "quality of living".

For DH and me, one of the most important aspects of quality of living would be our ability to continue working the jobs we love. Without that, we'd be sick of the tropical island after approximately a week (or a few months if there are real mountains, LOL)

So, no way. I have no desire to run an island hotel - but I'm prety darned good at, and love, teaching physics.

 

ETA: None of my teenagers would have had any desire to do this either. They want to be near their friends and activities.

[Dmmetler]

If we had a good internet connection, so DH could continue his current job, and we could take pets with us, it would be really tempting, especially if the area has good herp diversity and we could connect with local mentors for DD. However, pets are a big issue, especially snakes. For some reason, most low COL tropical islands really, really don't want DD's corn snake to establish residency (given the brown tree snakes in Guam and the albino King snakes in the Canary Islands, I can't blame them).

[J-rap]

I would during certain periods.  When our kids were all younger -- yes, definitely!  Nearing the end of their high school and into college years (where they're at now), no.  Later...maybe yes.  :)

 

 

 

[Lady Florida.]

For me personally, no. I love where I am. Well, not this house specifically, but this area. I love being near extended family and good friends. I wouldn't chuck all of that but then, I don't like to be transplanted. I want to just keep growing where I'm planted.

 

In general, I think it's a great opportunity (and possibly one that might never come again) for someone who would like that kind of thing. 

 

 

ETA: When I was in my mid-twenties, teaching, and still single, I considered applying to be a DOD teacher overseas. When I found out I couldn't bring my dog, I gave that idea up right away. I love to travel, but I would not want to move away from all that I love, or give up anyone or anything I love. Not even my pets. :-)

[strange_girl]

Nope, I'm a homebody. I've lived here for all of my life, and it have a strong sense of identity tied to this place. This is my home.

[Lawyer&Mom]

Do you like the tropics? I got bored on my honeymoon and that was just a week. I do daydream about living in Berlin.... I want to escape to a more urban life!

[Hunter's Moon]

Considering DH and I are young with no children, I could definitely see doing it if the opportunity presented itself in the near future.

 

After we settle down and buy a house in a community we love, probably not.

[Trilliums]

I met a family who did this.  Within a year one of them wanted to go back to the US.  Within 2 years they were divorced.  :(  I think the reality of the experience stressed the marriage and it didn't survive.   Not saying this is bound to happen, but it did make me think a lot about different expectations and communication in a marriage.  

[G5052]

We have a tropical island we'd love to go to.  We went there on vacation several years ago.

 

If DH retired and regained dual citizenship, we could move there without too much trouble because his dad grew up in that area.  He could even work locally, but no one else could because work permits are very, very hard to get and take a long time.  Being an expat there is tough.  They pay a pretty heavy tax, and it is very, very difficult to get citizenship.

 

But will we?  Probably not.  Very minimal health care (a nurse twice a week), and it is expensive to live there.  Oreos were $10 a package, and you'd have to take a ferry and then rent a car to do any kind of serious shopping.  No income tax, but the government taxes everything that comes via mail order from outside the country.  When we arrived, I was impressed by the room of boxes, many of them from Amazon, behind the customs official who stamped our passports.  There you don't get your box until you pay him your tax.  And the people on the island we went to have to take a ferry to that island to do that. 

 

They had island-wide wi-fi, which was nice, but it wasn't good enough for me to continue my online teaching.  I could email and such, but that was it.

 

Nope.  Maybe an extended vacation, but not moving.

[Ottakee]

I would love to move to a less busy area on 40-80 acres adjoining a national park/forest/state land, etc. so we could ride horses, mountain bike, ride quads, etc.

 

That said, dh and I both have widowed mothers with health issues and 2 of our 3 kids need access to specialists found in large cities with excellent medical care so we can't go too far..............along with the financial issues.

 

Dh would love to teach machine shop skill to native workers, at risk young people, etc. so he would likely do something like that 20-30 hours a week and then we could relax the rest of the time.

[AK_Mom4]

Nope... though some days a deserted tropical isle sounds very tempting!

 

DH and I both want to stay closer to family, especially as our kids get older and are off to college and beyond.  I have no desire at all to live overseas.

 

Now, if your island was in Hawaii.... I might be tempted.  But I probably still wouldn't move there because I hear that the skiing is terrible in the winter.  :smilielol5:

[SparklyUnicorn]

No way.  I like my modern conveniences and close proximity to conveniences.

 

I think the only thing I hate about around here is the weather.  That I could do without! 

[Guest]

I've kind of done this already...but in place.

 

There is no reason I have to live like a rat or in a race. Living in a busy suburb increases my proximity to healthcare, church and friends, reducing time on the road.

 

The rest of my calendar, I have the ability to create with big margins by being conscious of what I will or will not do. Once something gets on my calendar, I honor it. That reduces the internal bickering with myself about what I will or won't do. The decision has already been made and so I don't have to rethink it. KWIM?

 

I would not do well in isolation or in a place that required long drives to the grocery store. (Long means >10 minutes to me. Haha)

[Lanny]

Yes. I did that, almost 20 years ago, when I was single. However, I would like to play "devils advocate" with you a bit and give you a few things to consider that you may or may not have thought about. First of all, it would be much safer for you if you have a guaranteed income, before you contemplate doing that. Any well run country will want proof of a guaranteed income, before granting a Residency Visa.  New businesses fail overseas, with the same frequency they fail  in the USA, which is to say the majority of new businesses fail before 12 months...

 

You must be aware of the fluctuations of the value of the U.S. Dollar. It has been very low, for many years, and that killed our family. Fortunately, during the past 6 to 12 months, the value of the U.S. Dollar has increased and that has helped our family a lot. So, you will be subject to the increase in cost of living in your adopted country, and to the fluctuation of the U.S. Dollar. If the value of the U.S. Dollar drops and the cost of living in the local currency goes up, you get hit both ways. The value of the U.S. Dollar is somewhat inversely proportional to the cost of Petroleum, but there are also other things that affect the U.S. Dollar. Petroleum prices are down now, because of the new production in the U.S.A. and lowering demand, and that increases the value of the U.S. Dollar.

 

IMHO, one should NEVER consider moving to a place where they are not comfortable with the doctors and the local hospitals.

 

I read several of the other replies and one mentioned that your children will not have Residency status when they apply to state owned universities. We are in that boat with DD...

 

There are many things to consider. You will need to pay the same taxes that nationals of the country you move to pay. You will need to comply with the same laws they comply with.

You need to be comfortable with the government, the police, etc. 

 

Oh, if you are U.S. Citizens, there is only one other country in the world that taxes their citizens based on their nationality. So, we are taxed on worldwide income... American Citizens Abroad (and other groups) are trying to get that law changed, so that income will be taxed on Residence and not on Nationality, and I hope that change in law will eventually happen. 

 

We can and do vote in U.S. elections. There are approximately 7 or 8 million Overseas Americans and if we were a state we would have more people than approximately 23 other states (I forget the number).

 

NEVER go to a foreign country and then apply for Residency. Apply in the nearest Consulate of the country you want to move to.

 

Look at the pros and cons...  GL

[Seasider]

If I'd had such an opportunity when my oldest was still young - say 6 or 7 - and the rest even younger? I'd do it in a heartbeat. But now, with kids entrenched in their social and academic circles, we just couldn't, no matter how much I'd want to!

[Catherine]

I think one conundrum is that the "rat race" is also where the stable house and familiar places and people are. My dh moved dozens of times growing up and has unhappy memories of this. It didn't feel like an adventure, it felt disruptive, destabilizing, and stressful. He actually lived with a friend for his last year of HS because his dad moved out of the district and he wanted to graduate with his class.

 

This is to say that if I was doing this, I would be sure to take my older kids' preferences and needs into account. My kids might feel very differently from him because they've known a lot of stability and maybe would rather have a bit of excitement? I would just be sure to account for the wishes and needs as much as possible.

[G5052]

If I'd had such an opportunity when my oldest was still young - say 6 or 7 - and the rest even younger? I'd do it in a heartbeat. But now, with kids entrenched in their social and academic circles, we just couldn't, no matter how much I'd want to!

 

Yes, when we vacationed on a tropical island summer before last, we had dinner with a family that had kids the same age as ours.  And those kids marvelled at our activities.  No martial arts, gyms, or piano lessons on that island.  

 

The church we visited hadn't had a pianist in 5 years because she had to go to a nursing home in the states, and they said that they only knew of one person on the island who played piano at another church, and she wasn't interested in giving lessons.

 

And the other thing was that the school there only goes through 8th grade.  Beyond that you either have to homeschool or send them to a boarding school.

 

It was a great experience for us though, and we hope to go back someday.

[EmilyGF]

I would totally do a sabbatical year. I would not burn bridges in a way that precluded coming back. (Wouldn't sell house or stocks, unless stocks had been saved for that reason.)

[KrissiK]

I would totally do a sabbatical year. I would not burn bridges in a way that precluded coming back. (Wouldn't sell house or stocks, unless stocks had been saved for that reason.)

 

This! I wouldn't want to leave my extended family. We have good, strong, healthy family ties. My kids are crazy about their grandparents and the feeling is returned. However, I would love to go somewhere for a  year. A girlfriend of mine has a military husband and they are moving across the country for a year. I am so envious.

[creekland]

We've thought about doing that for most of our lives, but I can't make the finances work out so we never did it.  We also didn't really want to stay in one place for long - just long enough to explore it thoroughly, then move along to the next destination.

 

Instead, we quit wandering when my oldest started kindergarten as we wanted our guys to have a hometown.  They do.  Hubby also started his business here and it supplies our income.  Since we've been here for 18 years now, we've developed relationships too.  And our parents have aged, so we like to stay relatively near them (near meaning 4 - 8 hours away pending which side we're talking about).

 

Plus I still can't work out the finances to last and I don't want to count on the rapture coming at any certain date.

 

So... we're still here and simply take more frequent vacations (for now).  Once we stop paying for college and/or med school, things might differ.  We'll see.

 

I'd love to just have my backpack & passport (plus hubby) and travel (most of) the world going wherever our whims take us.  That would be my dream life, but one has to be able to pay for food and lodging.

[Rosie_0801]

If we were allowed to, dd and I would be wwoofing around the country. I would always come back home though because this is home. :)

[ScoutTN]

No. I think it would be more difficult than it sounds! 

 

Relationships are not replaceable or transferable! We have family here, wonderful friends and a good church. My mom is older and has no other family. All of DH's family live here. 

We have a great climate, a great city for homeschooling, a moderate cost of living, access to first class healthcare and Dh has a good job.

I grew up in an unstable family situation, moving often. My kids have a hometown and I love that. We enjoy having roots. I am very happy here. 

 

I think we have a significant amount of control over the pace of our life. If I opted out of my kids' extra curricular activities the pace of our life would slow drastically. But we like our activities and the friends we have in them. When we feel too busy, we reassess and cut back. We have busier seasons and less busy ones. Living simply is tricky in the 21st century, but a remote location doesn't guarantee it happens. 

 

I would love to live for while at the beach, but the beach in civilization. 30A would be fine. ;)

Most likely just a few longer vacations after our kids go to college. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh, another reason is that I like cities :)

 

I do too. 

 

Once in awhile I get a crazy thought like...I wonder what it would be like to move to an extremely remote place like Easter Island.  LOL  It would probably suck really.  :laugh:

[lewelma]

Yes, we moved from Cleveland Ohio where my dh worked for Ernst and Young, to a eco-village in rural New Zealand. We lived in a hut without water or power and with a composting toilet.  Our oldest was a baby.

We lasted 4 months at which point we realised that we actually are more individualistic than we had thought. Plus, we really missed the library. :001_smile:   In addition, we were pretty sure that there was tax fraud happening. :eek:

 

Ruth in NZ

[lewelma]

Oh, if you are U.S. Citizens, there is only one other country in the world that taxes their citizens based on their nationality. So, we are taxed on worldwide income...

 

Last I checked there were 6 countries that taxed world-wide income.  And unfortunately for us, NZ and the USA are two of the 6. :crying:

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yes, we moved from Cleveland Ohio where my dh worked for Ernst and Young, to a eco-village in rural New Zealand. We lived in a hut without water or power and with a composting toilet.  Our oldest was a baby.

 

We lasted 4 months at which point we realised that we actually are more individualistic than we had thought. Plus, we really missed the library. :001_smile:   In addition, we were pretty sure that there was tax fraud happening. :eek:

 

Ruth in NZ

 

Well at least you have interesting stories.  :laugh:

[NoseInABook]

As an introvert married to another introvert, that sounds like heaven to me.

[LibraryLover]

Two introverts running a *hotel*?  lol  

 

As an introvert married to another introvert, that sounds like heaven to me.

 

[lewelma]

Well at least you have interesting stories.  :laugh:

 

Well, it got more interesting.  After we ran (because of the tax fraud), we stayed in a hostel for 3 weeks until our flight back to America for my sister's wedding.  We were in America during the September 11th attacks, and when we got back to NZ with no job and no accomodations, we went looking for a place to live.  But there was no housing.  All the kiwis who were overseas came back to NZ and all the kiwis going overseas cancelled.  All we could find was a 300 sq ft furnished apartment.  So we left our stuff in storage and lived with a baby and a work-from-home dh in 300sq ft for 9 months.  It got even more interesting when my sister and her husband came to stay with us for 3 weeks. :huh:

 

But during the 4 months on the hippy commune, we:

hunted wild pigs

organised WOOFERS

'weeded' native bush by taking down pine trees

bought a hi-ab to gather river stones for sale

created punga log planters for sale

killed the horribly invasive possum both with poison bait, and with a shotgun (I might add this was with a buddish priest) and sold their fur

and met lots of really interesting people!!

 

We just had our midlife crisis a decade early!

[EndOfOrdinary]

We moved from inner city to a 380 sq ft. fishing shack in the middle of a National forest, on a free and scenic River at the base of a mountain in the Cascade range. It is very Little House on the Prarrie. So much so that when reading them my son did not understand why people were so very caught up in the lifestyle. It was just what you did.

 

I LOVE it. My son is extroverted, so it is a bit harder for him to not have constant people. However, he and I have usually days we make the trek into our closest small town (2500 people). He likes to have acres to roam, lots of snow, all the wildlife, and a fairly calm life without bustle.

 

The main one is the need to be totally honest with yourself. Dh is not good at this. He fell in love with the idea without considering who he was. Lots of rose colored glasses. My son and I really like chopping firewood, Dh got carpel tunnel. I really like baking and cooking from scratch (grocery store is an hour and a half away). Dh loves junk food and comfort food involving drive up windows (the closest is 45 minutes away). Our house is a bit bedraggled and only one room. It was built in the forties with a bathroom added in the late eighties. It will never be a status symbol. I could careless, Dh is still bothered by it but embarrassed to think of himself as shallow. I love people and family, tend to be very patient, and am good at being upfront. Living in a one room box does not bother me, even when we had two big dogs. Dh is introverted and wants his space very tidy and quite, where he can get away.

 

This does not mean he is unhappy, but I think he was happier in The Big City, in his hipster mod house, with all his flashy comforts, and rooms which separate everyone. Little things just tend to annoy him a bit too much. Things we openly talked about, but he blew off as no big deal.

[Ausmumof3]

Not me... I lived away from family for a few years. I did enjoy the time but I realised that for me personally family connection is one of the most meaningful experiences in life and that I don't cope well with babies without family support. Dh wasn't around a lot due to work at the time.

 

I would love to do six months to a year somewhere especially somewhere with access to Europe so we could do some travel but it's highly unlikely to happen. We are more likely to do local caravan trips while the kids are young and maybe do some overseas stuff after the kids are grown up.

[Guest submarines]

No. Tropical=big bugs. Can't. deal. with. big. bugs.

[Cera]

In a heartbeat with little kids.  Probably not with teens.  I would wait to get them settled into college (assuming said island was close enough that they could visit on breaks.

[Slache]

I've done it, but before I was married. No regrets. I'd do it in your situation as well.

[Laura Corin]

It's important to think about visas.  Some countries want you not only to show an income, but to show why you should be in the country.  We have American friends who came to the UK with their family on a student visa.  When that expired, they could not find another way to stay.  They have involved the local member of parliament, but essentially they have no 'reason' to be here.  Their income comes from abroad (they both work remotely in writing/academics) and they don't have the capital to invest in a UK business.  So they are having to leave.  These are the reasons that you can get a residence visa in the UK.

 

Skilled workers

A ‘skilled worker’ visa may be suitable if you’ve been offered a:

• skilled job in the UK
• role in your overseas employer’s UK branch - the visa you apply for depends on your circumstances
• job in a religious community
• job as an elite sportsperson or coach

Temporary workers

A ‘temporary worker’ visa may be suitable if you want work in the UK for a short time:

• in sports
• in arts or entertainment
• as a volunteer
• in a work experience role
• for a charity
• for a religious organisation

You can also apply for an international agreement visa if you’ll be doing work covered by international law while in the UK (eg working for a foreign government or as a private servant in a diplomatic household).

‘High value’ workers

A ‘high value worker’ visa may be suitable if you’re:

• an investor
• an entrepreneur
• a graduate entrepreneur
• a leader in arts or sciences

Commonwealth citizens

You may be eligible for a UK ancestry visa if one of your grandparents was born in the UK.

Other workers

You can also apply as a:

• domestic worker in a private household
• representative of an overseas business

 

I don't know about island paradises - your seed money might be all you need - but a large part of my mental space when we lived abroad was taken up with making sure we had correct visas.

[DawnM]

Nope, never.

 

I grew up like that.  We had 6 hours of electricity per day, IF the generator worked.   No grocery stores, no local places to eat......middle of nowhere.  Of course it was also in the 70s and 80s, so no internet.

 

After growing up like that, I hit "civilization" like it was my long lost best friend and have never looked back.   I love having things available to me, restaurants, stores, electricity, computers, and lots of people to hang out with, and as Jean said, medical care is a must.

 

I would not go back.  I would feel completely trapped and isolated.

[73349]

No library?!?

Edited November 30, 2021 by Carolina Wren

[Desert Strawberry]

I would not go anywhere without a plan in place that would support us long term. We did make a jump once, and it was HARD. So much harder than we expected, and we are forever paying off the debt we incurred due to lack of adequate planning. 

 

However, D is now established in his career and we are looking at all options, everywhere. We would love to move overseas again. We would love to disengage from our modern society and go somewhere adventurous. Maybe someday that will be an option for us. At this time, carrying the debt we have, we cannot. 

 

ETA: I am MUCH more open to living a simple, rustic life. D, not so much. He needs high speed internet, consistent, abundant electricity, a stable, modern home. I only want hot running water. The rest, I could work around. We've been without a lot of necessities and it's harder than you might think.