If your kids got punched, what would you do? Update in 101

[Tammi K]

Situation happened today and I was wondering how the Hive would handle it. It was not your usual bullying scenario.  I expect to get a broad spectrum of answers but I'm really interested in how other parents would react. So, please share your opinion.

 

First, let me say, my son (13 yrs old) wasn't hurt ( the punch hurt but he wasn't injured ) and I didn't learn about the incident until we were walking to the car so by then it was a moot point. But, I am considering whether anything should be said and to whom.

 

We were at the ice rink for a pairs lesson today. It's summer break here and several of the coaches are running ice camps. Camp' in this case is a casual arrangement to mean that a coach keeps track of/teaches a group of kids for a few hours every day. It's not an organization run formal camp)

Participating in one camp is a  young girl, about 9 or 10.   I know that she has a diagnosis of some sort (ADD or ADHD) ????? I know that during the school year she takes meds. But, since it's summer break so ???  ) The point is she has some issues that are known to the parents and adults who supervise her.

 

We were at the rink today but not as a part of any camp. Today after his lesson I gave my son  a candy bar to split with his partner. I then left to use the rest room. There were some older girls from another coach there who were teasing that they wanted to be his partner so they could share in the candy bar. It was all in good fun with the older girls. But then the young girl came over and said she wanted the candy. He told her she couldn't have it and she tried several times to push past him and snatch it off the bench. When he wouldn't move out of her way, she punched him in the stomach.

 

From what I gather, it was quite a good punch! He was quiet ticked off. I asked what he did and he said he just glared at her and she went away.  (Story corroborated by others. He didn't touch her at all. Neither did he try to antagonize her. He just refused to move so she could  get the candy and she slugged him.)

 

So, here's the issue. Should I say anything?  To whom?  If you were the coach responsible for the little kids, would you want/need to know that you had a slugger in your midst? If you are the parent, would you want the mother of a 13 year old boy to tell you their 9 year old daughter slugged your son? If your child was a kid well know to be 'difficult' would you want to hear it again or would it fall on deaf ears?  This is a University ice rink and not policed by staff like a local rink would be, so it wouldn't do any good to report it on that front.

 

I'm really just curious to know if I should even bother to mention this. On one hand, she punched a kid. On the other hand, I'm not really sure anyone is going to care because it was a 13 year old boy and, in the end, he wasn't hurt.  Where do YOU draw the line between bullying and 'letting kids be kids'?

[AlmiraGulch]

I probably would not say anything. 

 

If it happened again, I would, primarily because if anything should happen to that girl accidentally (she hurts her hand, she falls, whatever) the immediate action would be to say the 13 year old boy obviously had something to do with it.  It's knee-jerk.   

 

Also, the parents need to know because it's a teaching opportunity for them, particularly since she has some diagnosis, so she can learn more appropriate ways of handling situations like that. 

[Annie G]

I probably wouldn't do anything about it this time because it happened and it's over. But this is a sticky situation- there doesn't really sound as if anyone is 'in charge'. Who would you go to if you want to complain about her behavior?  Yeah, she was part of a camp but like you said, it's an informal thing and her coach isn't going to supervise kids before and after lessons. 

 

It's a good question, though. Your son certainly can't just punch her back (which is what we did back in the stone age of my childhood), but he shouldn't be expected to take that abuse, either. Just because she's younger and a girl doesn't mean she gets a pass. 

[Tammi K]

I would not say anything. I would keep the candy bar private if there is not enough for everyone.

 

Except that this isn't a party or a play group. Think of it more like a public swimming area. You spread out your towel, sit in your own little space, eat the snacks you brought. You would never expect to have to share with someone sitting on a towel at the far end of the beach.  

 

This is a University ice rink.  So, not quite the same thing.  

 

[jhschool]

Definitely say something!

 

Not necessarily as a complaint, but to let her parents know what's going on.

They probably would like to know that she hit someone hard.

Just phrase it like:  "My son wasn't hurt, so this is not a complaint, but you

should really know the facts."  And tell her exactly what happened.

 

The mom probably should know because the girl can be taught not to do that.

 

But if you keep the tone light and airy, it doesn't have to turn into something nasty.

 

(I also agree that your son shouldn't have to be punched by anyone, even

if they are a small girl.  But really he did the right thing by not responding.

That is very good self control, and you should praise his behavior.  There really

is nothing else he could have done.  It is such a hard situation.)

 

 

 

[Alessandra]

I think your son was great!

 

I would talk to the girl's parents in a non- confrontational manner, because the incident is something they should be aware of. If the girl has been on medication, she would be seeing a doctor. IMO, it would be helpful to both the parents and doctor to know how she is acting. The they can work on whatever therapy or medication seems appropriate.

 

But I would definitely approach it as telling them something you thought they would want to know, as opposed to anything accusatory.

[helena]

I would probably go to the kid and parent when they're together and introduce myself. I'd say "I just wanted to let you know that my son told me you punched him in the stomach yesterday... I'm sure you were just playing and got carried away, but it hurts to get punched, and he's much too old to play rough like that with little girls. Please don't do it again."

 

Then I'd be tempted to look at the parent and say "Thank goodness he had the sense to not instinctually strike back, not every child will show that much restraint."

 

Then I'd give a warm smile and hope for the best. Sometimes kids punch... It's not so out there. But, I'd definitely give the the mom/dad a heads up. That's got to be nipped in the bud!!

 

Hats off to your son for having self control. 

[LucyStoner]

I would want to know if my child punched someone over candy. If you aren't nasty about it, I think most parents with kids on the spectrum or with known issues would consider it helpful for them to know.

[jewellsmommy]

I would definitely say something to the coach and request that he/she brings this to the attention of the parents. This needs to be followed up on.

 

As the parent of a child with impulse/control/anger problems, I would absolutely NEED to know that my child did this. This girl was lucky that she hit someone who did not hit her back. Next time she may not be so lucky. Or she may choose to try this on a smaller child and injure them. I know that if my ds had hit someone and nothing ever came of it, he would be emboldened by the lack of consequences and would convince himself that his actions were justified/righteous. We have had similar incidents where adults were "extending him grace"  until the problem was well out of hand and it backfired big time. This may not apply to this girl at all; maybe she plays rough, idk, but it should be up to her parents to decide if this is action worthy.

[Alessandra]

Adding to my last post. After introductions snd so on, I would probably ask -- did your dd tell you what happened yesterday? That way you can start your talk as a conversation, not a speech.

[Alessandra]

I would definitely say something to the coach and request that he/she brings this to the attention of the parents. This needs to be followed up on.

 

As the parent of a child with impulse/control/anger problems, I would absolutely NEED to know that my child did this. This girl was lucky that she hit someone who did not hit her back. Next time she may not be so lucky. Or she may choose to try this on a smaller child and injure them. I know that if my ds had hit someone and nothing ever came of it, he would be emboldened by the lack of consequences and would convince himself that his actions were justified/righteous. We have had similar incidents where adults were "extending him grace" until the problem was well out of hand and it backfired big time. This may not apply to this girl at all; maybe she plays rough, idk, but it should be up to her parents to decide if this is action worthy.

I agree. You said tell the coach, I thought talking to the parents.... Either is fine, IMO. But, yes, parents need to know.

[zoobie]

I don't think it matters who punched him. They need to provide more supervision. I'd probably also want it "on record" that he did not in any way touch her in case she tells a different version.

[Alte Veste Academy]

So, here's the issue. Should I say anything? To whom? If you were the coach responsible for the little kids, would you want/need to know that you had a slugger in your midst? If you are the parent, would you want the mother of a 13 year old boy to tell you their 9 year old daughter slugged your son? If your child was a kid well know to be 'difficult' would you want to hear it again or would it fall on deaf ears? This is a University ice rink and not policed by staff like a local rink would be, so it wouldn't do any good to report it on that front.

 

I'm really just curious to know if I should even bother to mention this. On one hand, she punched a kid. On the other hand, I'm not really sure anyone is going to care because it was a 13 year old boy and, in the end, he wasn't hurt. Where do YOU draw the line between bullying and 'letting kids be kids'?

Punching someone you don't really know, hard, in the stomach, to get his candy? My line is well before that! I would tell the coach what happened, and I wouldn't make it sound like no big deal either. I would't make it whiny, and would be matter-of-fact, but no way would I not mention it. Also, if I were the girl's mom, I would want to know. (And how!)

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I would want to know if my child hit someone.

[Ravin]

Situation happened today and I was wondering how the Hive would handle it. It was not your usual bullying scenario. I expect to get a broad spectrum of answers but I'm really interested in how other parents would react. So, please share your opinion.

 

First, let me say, my son (13 yrs old) wasn't hurt ( the punch hurt but he wasn't injured ) and I didn't learn about the incident until we were walking to the car so by then it was a moot point. But, I am considering whether anything should be said and to whom.

 

We were at the ice rink for a pairs lesson today. It's summer break here and several of the coaches are running ice camps. Camp' in this case is a casual arrangement to mean that a coach keeps track of/teaches a group of kids for a few hours every day. It's not an organization run formal camp)

Participating in one camp is a young girl, about 9 or 10. I know that she has a diagnosis of some sort (ADD or ADHD) ????? I know that during the school year she takes meds. But, since it's summer break so ??? ) The point is she has some issues that are known to the parents and adults who supervise her.

 

We were at the rink today but not as a part of any camp. Today after his lesson I gave my son a candy bar to split with his partner. I then left to use the rest room. There were some older girls from another coach there who were teasing that they wanted to be his partner so they could share in the candy bar. It was all in good fun with the older girls. But then the young girl came over and said she wanted the candy. He told her she couldn't have it and she tried several times to push past him and snatch it off the bench. When he wouldn't move out of her way, she punched him in the stomach.

 

From what I gather, it was quite a good punch! He was quiet ticked off. I asked what he did and he said he just glared at her and she went away. (Story corroborated by others. He didn't touch her at all. Neither did he try to antagonize her. He just refused to move so she could get the candy and she slugged him.)

 

So, here's the issue. Should I say anything? To whom? If you were the coach responsible for the little kids, would you want/need to know that you had a slugger in your midst? If you are the parent, would you want the mother of a 13 year old boy to tell you their 9 year old daughter slugged your son? If your child was a kid well know to be 'difficult' would you want to hear it again or would it fall on deaf ears? This is a University ice rink and not policed by staff like a local rink would be, so it wouldn't do any good to report it on that front.

 

I'm really just curious to know if I should even bother to mention this. On one hand, she punched a kid. On the other hand, I'm not really sure anyone is going to care because it was a 13 year old boy and, in the end, he wasn't hurt. Where do YOU draw the line between bullying and 'letting kids be kids'?

I would tell the girl's parents. As a parent I would want to know. I would tell the camp coach who is supposed to be supervising as well.

 

Whatever issue or challenge the girl has, it is not an excuse. It's a factor to be weighed in guiding her behavior and appropriately supervising her, too keep both her and other children safe.

[Tap]

Tell the coach who was responsible. I have an aggressive child and the people supervising her need to know if she is having issues with the amount of supervision being given to her.  

[Tammi K]

Punching someone you don't really know, hard, in the stomach, to get his candy? My line is well before that!

I know you meant this to be serious. But, I have to say, when I read these two lines, I laughed out loud! Really, when you put it that way, the kids is, plain and simply, a bully! She just happens to be a cute little female bully....

[Nart]

I would email the ice rink, and cc your child's coach, and whoever is in charge of the informal camp, just so there is a record of what happened. I would write it in a matter of fact way, stating that you just want to inform them that there needs to be more supervision. I wouldn't even expect a response. Then I would let it go. I have found people tend to respond more when they know there is a paper trail. I would also tell my kid to yell and describe the incident so any staff members that are around can intervene (ex. don't punch me in the stomach, I didn't do anything to you).

[Ivey]

I would want to know if my child hit someone. Ds9 (who has autism) has only ever hit his older brothers and an older cousin, but knowing that he has hit anyone makes me more careful about supervising him when he's with other children. These parents need to know that their child is having trouble controlling her aggression and is not being supervised closely enough. 

 

If the coach should have been supervising the girl, he needs to know to keep a closer eye on her. I would send a brief e-mail stating the facts and emphasizing that you and your son are not upset about the incident, but want to make sure that it doesn't happen to another child. If this camp is more informal and the kids are expected to be fine on their own during breaks, I would wait until I heard back from the parents before contacting the coach. If they say that they will speak to the coach, stay at the rink with their daughter, or otherwise indicate that they'll handle the situation, I probably wouldn't bring the coach into it. 

[bettyandbob]

I would make sure rink management, your ds's coach, and the girl's coach know. All three. One coach might not know what to do with the into or disregard it, but someone in charge has to be putting it altogether and you actually don't know who that is. I would tell them who they could talk to to corroborate the story.

 

This is to get an apology for ds. The girl is not going to give a sincere apology. The rink needs this info. They need records of incidents, because they probably have other trouble with the girl. Having been a swim team manager, when you deal with parents of difficult kids you need specific details and data to back up anything you say. So, reporting the incident will help the rink if they decide they need to put together some sort of behavior intervention or decide they have to say the girl is not permitted to skate.

[I talk to the trees]

I would take it very seriously, and keep a close eye on my child for a day or so.  Blows to the abdomen can cause unseen internal damage, and it doesn't take a prizefighter to deliver a damaging blow. (Both my mother and mil are nurses. I have heard some grisly tales.)  I would also want the attack on record with the rink manager, in case your son does have to seek care for delayed symptoms, and also to protect other individuals. If the girl lashes out violently over a candy bar, what is she going to do when someone really upsets her? And I would not speak with the parents directly. I would have the rink manager or one of the coaches let the parents know that if the child gets violent again, she will be dismissed from the rink.

[KungFuPanda]

I would not say anything. I would keep the candy bar private if there is not enough for everyone.

That rule doesn't really work past elementary school. Teens eat all the time.

 

 

I'd inform the coaches that they have a risk on their hands. The parents might be informed, but the coaches need to know so they can up the level of supervision before she hurts someone younger and smaller. That's not normal 10-year-old behavior.

[swellmomma]

As a parent of adhd kids who sometimes think they are goofing off/rough housing but cross that line I would want to know, so definitely let the parents know.  Of course knowing my sons they would beg me not to tell the girl's parents as that would admit they got beat by a girl, but I would still talk to them and let them know.

[katilac]

Are you saying this kid was at the far end of a bench, noticed a candybar, and came over trying to rip it out of someone's hands? What really happened to attract her attention?

 

  :confused1:  :confused1:

 

The girl was there when she handed her son the candy bar, and when the older girls were teasing about wanting to be his partner to share in the candy bar. Presumably that's what attracted her attention, although I really don't see how it matters what attracted her attention. Whether she just happened to notice it or heard people talking about it, she came over and tried to forcibly take it, hitting the OP's son when she didn't succeed. 

 

I guess I don't understand what you think may have happened?? 

 

OP, I would tell at least the coach and the parents, possibly the rink manager as well, stating that I was honestly concerned that this girl would put herself in harm's way if she did this to someone less nice than your son. 

[sassenach]

I would say something, not in a "I demand justice" way, but in a, "Hey coach, heads up! You should keep this kid in your eye line" way.

[texasmama]

Haven't read any responses.  I do have a 13 year old boy.

 

What I would likely do is to make sure I was supervising when candy is involved.  I would also mention it to the coaches because while your son is several years older and wasn't hurt, other kids are not older and might be hurt and they need to know.  The skating rink is responsible for everyone's safety while they are at the rink at this activity.

[Anne in CA]

To me the two issues are: the next person she hits might not be as big and it would be good for her parents to know this is a pattern on behavior, this is a big socialization issue and her parents need to know. They probably would be happier not knowing, and I would not want to tell them, but they need to know. It IS a big deal because it is extremely antisocial behavior.

 

[Cera]

I would say something to the coach that should have been supervising her.  Something along the lines of "Just so you know, xxx punched my son because he wouldn't hand over something she wanted.  Please keep a better eye on her to prevent future problems."

[Snickerdoodle]

I've noticed that girls often get a pass for this kind of behavior.    I would definitely bring it up to the person who is in charge of supervising this group.

[SKL]

Well, I went back and forth on this, but here is my final answer.  I think the parents should know, in case this is the side effect of a new drug or of over-stimulation or something.  If that is the case, the girl needs her parents to help her manage the problem.  I'd make sure that in telling the parents, it is clear that you are concerned about the little girl and not about your 13yo.

 

I am not sure I'd tell the coach for a one-off incident.  Young kids do stupid things.  If she were a boy hitting another boy close in age, most people would not even think twice about it.

[athomeontheprairie]

Are you saying this kid was at the far end of a bench, noticed a candybar, and came over trying to rip it out of someone's hands? What really happened to attract her attention?

It is irrelevant whether it not she was on the bench behind them our on the other side if the ice. If my kids are spring at the pool and there are kids next to them, but not with us, I don't expect then to share their snack. A rink is no different. I worked at one. if the rink is busy maybe two sets of people are at the same bench. common. You still don't have to share with the whole rink.

I might mention it to the girls parents next time I was there. I would want to know so I could address out with my daughter and give her better skills to use next time. if there are no issues in class, and class was over, I wouldn't mention it to the coach. It didn't happen on his time.

[goldberry]

  

I know you meant this to be serious. But, I have to say, when I read these two lines, I laughed out loud! Really, when you put it that way, the kids is, plain and simply, a bully! She just happens to be a cute little female bully....

 

:iagree:  :iagree:   Say something to the coach.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I would say something to both the coach and to the parent.  Not so much to get her in trouble, but to help them realize she needs more supervision until she has better impulse control.  The next person she slugs may not have as much self-control as your son and she may get hurt.

[Word Nerd]

I would definitely report it to the coach, who can decide if her parents need to be told (I assume the OP doesn't know who her parents are anyway). Regardless of the size or gender of the next person she slugs, the behavior needs to be stopped.

[Χά�ων]

Express concern in writin to the childs mother to make her aware of the situation. Document document document.

[EKS]

I would say something to whoever is charge. 

[AlmiraGulch]

And anyhow, why are people saying not to say anything?  Is it because she is a girl?  So what.  People don't get to be as nasty as they want just because they have issues or because they are a girl or because it seems like they couldn't do any real damage.  She doesn't belong there if she can't keep her damn hands to herself.

 

I try to be understanding towards these things, but it makes me mad to no end that my kids (and other kids) suffer greatly in the name of "inclusion".  Kids who can't be trusted not to hurt others don't belong in these activities or should have an aid or parent watching them.  Period. 

 

I said not to say anything because it was a one-time incident, no one really got hurt, he's bigger and older (yes, that makes a difference to me).   Kids will be kids and all.  I would not jump in to protect my 13 year old son from a younger girl in this type of incident, as long as it only happened once.  

 

If it happens again, then it's a pattern and I would say something. 

[EKS]

I said not to say anything because it was a one-time incident, no one really got hurt, he's bigger and older (yes, that makes a difference to me).   Kids will be kids and all.  I would not jump in to protect my 13 year old son from a younger girl in this type of incident, as long as it only happened once.  

 

If it happens again, then it's a pattern and I would say something. 

 

I don't see how saying something to the people in charge is jumping in and protecting the 13yo son.  I see it more as protecting the facility and the girl.

 

[AlmiraGulch]

That's how it starts.  With one incident.  Then they know they get away with it.  Then it turns into another incident. 

 

This was a very similar situation with dance.  I let it go.  Chalking it up to kids will be kids.  It just got much worse.

 

If I were the parent, I would want to know because I don't want my kid acting like that.  I can't do anything about it though if I don't know it is going on.

 

I'm not saying kick her out, or call the cops, or punish her with a lifetime ban.  I'm just saying people need to know this is how she handles not getting her way.

 

I'd probably want to know, too, but it's not really the other parent's responsibility to tell me.  Plus, it's likely the OP could end up in a he said/she said back and forth that wouldn't be worth the effort.   I'm reasonably certain if the girl jumped straight to punching someone for not getting candy her parents are fully aware of her typical behavior.  

 

Like i said, if I saw it more than once, I'd say something.  This particular instance?  I wouldn't bother. 

[AlmiraGulch]

I don't see how saying something to the people in charge is jumping in and protecting the 13yo son.  I see it more as protecting the facility and the girl.

 

 

I hear you.  In reality, though, nothing would likely come of it, and I wouldn't waste my time.  But that's just me.  Clearly others have different opinions.  

[AlmiraGulch]

I would be ok with it coming from the parent, but I can understand the hesitation.  At least tell the coach.  Then the coach should tell the parent.  Or keep an eye on the situation.

 

If that is her typical behavior, she does not belong there or at the very least she needs more supervision.  People always talk about how in the real world we have to learn to get along with all types of people.  Right.  I don't think my husband's employer would hang on to an employee who punched coworkers because they want to be "inclusive".  The real world doesn't put up with that shit.

 

Yeah, I don't disagree with any of this.  I just honestly wouldn't bother.  It would be more effort than I'd be willing to put forth after it happening one time, when no one is likely to do anything about it anyway (yes, I'm a bit of a cynic, but then you already know that about me!).   

[SKL]

The reason I hesitated to say "report it" is that I think we have to acknowledge that to some extent, getting physical is normal at that age.  In the current generation, we seem to criminalize too many things or treat normal kid behavior like a pathology.  Normally a kid who tries hitting to get his/her way is regulated by the social situation fairly quickly.  Like anything else, they try something a few times, don't like the result, and give up that behavior.  There are kids who don't follow this pattern and need some adult intervention, but there is no reason to respond that way to every kid who ever makes a dumb choice in the moment.  That kind of intervention takes away learning opportunities from everyone involved, including the victims and young witnesses.

[Saddlemomma]

Tough situation.  On the one hand, your son may be embarrassed that you tell someone.  That's a tough age for a boy.  You may need to explain the reasons for the importance of notifying someone to prevent further occurances. On the other hand, while this girl may have behavioral issues, that's not a license to abuse others whenever she wants something.

 

I would feel compelled to tell the coach what happened.  As coach, he is responsible for the kids while in his care, just as a teacher is in a classroom.  He is responsible for administering proper correction, such as sitting out a practice or whatever, and advising the parents of her negative behavior.  There is no need of the other parent knowing who she punched, just that she did it and that such behavior will not be tolerated on the team by anyone.

[SKL]

But then lets say she continues to do this and the boy decides to protect himself.  Guess who is going to get in trouble?  Hopefully the girl, but also the boy for protecting himself.  Nobody will see it that way if they are not aware that the girl has a reputation for hitting people when she doesn't get her way. 

 

I think it's more likely that the boy will see the girl coming next time and be a bit proactive, now that he knows she could get violent.  Like telling her in a generally audible voice to keep her hands to herself.  Or taking a couple of witnesses and reporting the girl after the second offense.

 

I didn't say repeated attacks should not be reported.  But this incident was not a repeated attack.

 

Further, I did say that on balance, I support telling the parents in this case, because the facts suggest she might need some adult assistance e.g. a medication overhaul or better supervision.

 

In your son's situation, you did tell and it still did not end well.  That could be the case with any kid whose parent is in denial, regardless of whether the report occurred after the 1st punch or the 21st punch.  (I do agree with documenting to show a pattern if it happens more than once.)

[RanchGirl]

I would make sure rink management, your ds's coach, and the girl's coach know. All three. One coach might not know what to do with the into or disregard it, but someone in charge has to be putting it altogether and you actually don't know who that is. I would tell them who they could talk to to corroborate the story.

 

This is to get an apology for ds. The girl is not going to give a sincere apology. The rink needs this info. They need records of incidents, because they probably have other trouble with the girl. Having been a swim team manager, when you deal with parents of difficult kids you need specific details and data to back up anything you say. So, reporting the incident will help the rink if they decide they need to put together some sort of behavior intervention or decide they have to say the girl is not permitted to skate.

 

This.  I would report the facts immediately.  If this is or becomes a pattern of behavior, someone at the facility will have the information and be able to do something about it.  Let them handle telling the child's parent.

 

I would simply express it as a concern for the girl and the facility.  Mention that your son is fine now but you thought they should be aware of this incident.

 

This girl needs to be supervised.  Your son wasn't hurt this time, but he (or someone else) might be seriously injured next time.  If she's willing to punch an older boy, what is she willing to do to younger children?

 

And kudos to your son for his restraint.

[Alte Veste Academy]

For me, it is not about protecting this particular boy. It is about letting the coach and parents know that she is a loose cannon who needs significant supervision. It is about protecting the next kid, who may not be bigger and/or in possession of enough self-control to not return the blow. And this is on an ice rink? What happens when the girl decides to tackle another child on the ice because she won't let her borrow her pretty new gloves? Concussion? If the parents already know this kind of behavior is an issue and they aren't keeping a better eye on her? All the more reason to get it on record.

[SKL]

Right, but then you are essentially saying it is on him to protect himself.  Her behavior can go unchecked, but he should know better to protect himself.

 

Well, yes, a 13yo boy can protect himself against a 9yo unless there is something very unusual about the 13yo.  His main concern should be making sure that nobody accuses him of hurting her.  That is important enough (especially in today's world) that if it happens more than once, he should go tell someone.

 

He is old enough to advocate for himself IMO.  I would expect my 7yos to do this, at least initially.

 

ETA, and by the way, I think I was pretty clear that I did NOT imply "her behavior can go unchecked."  I said 2x (now 3x) that I would tell the parents in this particular case.  But not in every case of a kid whacking another kid one time.

[Alte Veste Academy]

But this is not about the 13yo. (No offense OP, LOL) It is about protecting her next victim and, to some extent, protecting this little girl from her own poor choices. If she is typically on meds during the school year and is off them now... Perhaps she would benefit from taking those meds year round, or whenever she does group activities that require self-control? Perhaps knowing this happened would help her parents make a decision that would help her.

 

And sorry, but no. Rough housing is typical childhood behavior, sure. Maybe some disagreements leading to tussling between peers? Not for me, but I could see it I guess. But a 9-10 year old girl punching an older, bigger boy for his candy? That is not in the range of normal childhood behavior, in my opinion. That is an example of extremely poor judgment and a serious lack of impulse control.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Yeah it seems like an extremely immature and out of control reaction. You don't punch people for candy. There is nothing normal about that reaction. I might expect a 3 year old to resort to this for candy because he doesn't know better.

That's what I thought. Three. That was the cutoff age I created in my head for this behavior when I read the OP. Four at the oldest...for a kid with self-control issues, even at that young age.

[SKL]

I actually think that, from the girl's parents' perspective, the girl's fixation on the candy was as concerning as the punch.  But then, I have a kid who has issues with candy.