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How much weight did your mother's opinion have when you chose a wedding gown?

OnTheBrink

By OnTheBrink,
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Danestress

Danestress

Posted
Posted

I'm watching Say Yes to the Dress and it astonishes me how much family members' opinions sway the brides. I can't imagine being that way with my dd when she chooses a wedding gown. As long as she stays in budget, she can have whatever gown she wants. Is this behavior the norm, or is this all for TV?

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My Mom influenced me a lot. She has good taste. She gently encouraged me to reject the big 'Lady Di' inspired dresses of the era, and I am forever grateful. Her classic tastes probably saved me from wearing something I would laugh at now. We had a dress made that I still think was beautiful and elegant. Thanks Mom.

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momofkhm

momofkhm

Posted
Posted

I guess I'm the hold-out.  I married right out of college.  Mom and dad paid for virtually everything.  They had a lot of input.  Mom was the only one who went shopping with me.  I tried on a lot of dresses.  But really it was just to see what I looked good in.  Brother was home looking in a bridal mag just sitting there and said "why doesn't she wear something like this?  She'd look great."  It was a mermaid.  When mom and I went, I tried one on.  I did look great.  Mom made my dress.  So yes, she was very involved.  I chose color and how much lace/beading/etc.  She guided me to the right fabrics.  Helped me not to choose something just because it was cheap.  Cause it usually was cheap in every sense of the word.  Then there was a funny wrinkle on the back - my shoulder blades stuck out of something.  She altered the dress so there was an open heart on the back - wrinkle fixed.  It was made with love and would hold up to future generations wearing it.  Of course my daughters won't be wearing it.  Both are too tall!

 

 

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Chris in VA

Chris in VA

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Mom came with me. I tried on several, then found one my mom liked a lot. The fact that it was only $300 helped, too. Only girl, fresh out of college, no job--parents paid for everything.

I wasn't sure, but she said Yes to the Dress for me. 

I was having a hard time with the whole wedding anyway--I wasn't quite ready, and probably would've taken even longer had she not stepped in.

 

It is a lovely dress, and even tho they didn't alter it correctly (it kept slipping off my shoulder), I still felt beautiful.

 

For my own dd, I'll happily go with and give my opinion, and we'll pay for it. I want to start saving now--but dd tells me, "Forget the wedding--save for college!"

 

Atta girl. 

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J-rap

J-rap

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Posted

None. My husband and I went shopping for my wedding dress together. We bought it at the first store we went to, in about an hour. It was $99. My mother and I are very close and have always had a really good relationship, but that's the way it went. She didn't mind at all.

 

When my daughter was picking out her dress, her sisters and I went with her. She was in the States for only two weeks (away from her home in Costa Rica), and she wanted to get the task over with quickly! It had to be one that would travel well on an airplane. We spotted a very simple but pretty one on a mannequin as soon as we walked in the door, and that's the one she got. She didn't even want to try it on, but they refused to sell it to her until she did. It took about an hour. I did suggest that she get the optional straps that they could sew on, but she declined. :)

 

This makes it sound like I don't care about fashion, but I do kind of like fashion, and so do my girls. But, spending a lot of time and money and exchanging a lot of opinions on a wedding dress isn't priority.

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Stratford

Stratford

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Posted

Well, I chose my own dress, but had a huge shopping "entourage"....my parents, grandmother, two aunts, and a cousin all came with me.  Total chaos, but a lot of fun, and no pressure.  I was the first of my generation to get married, everyone was kind of excited.  My dad actually picked out the dress I ended up buying (who knew our tastes were so similar?)  It's a nice memory to have.  

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Cinder

Cinder

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Posted

My mil made my dress so my mom had no input at all. Mil was a little daunted at the Vogue pattern I picked with the help of sil but she did a fabulous job. It was a tea length, satin dress with lace bodice.

 

My mom didn't have much (if any) input on my sister's dress either. Sis and I went shopping together a few times but I think she picked the dress with the help of the dress coordinator more than anything. The woman was able to help her stay within her budget and get a beautiful dress (including tailoring) that was sis' style.

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Kim in Appalachia

Kim in Appalachia

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My mom's opinion did sway a little.  I got the dress I had always wanted, but when I tried it on it was "antique" or off white, and I really loved that.  My mom was adamant that it be white.  I went with the white, and when the dress came in, I still loved it.  

 

I am thankful for my aunt who came shopping with us.  My mom was really partial to the huge puffy dress that was not me.  She was really pushing me that way, and when I tried the dress on that I loved my aunt stepped in and said, "Now that looks like Kimmy".  Her comments quieted my mom and made me smile.  

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kewb

kewb

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My mom and I went to a tag sale together where they were selling a wedding dress.  I tried it on.  We loved it.  I bought it. If I had gone to a store with her she would have made me try on things that I thought were hideous and she would say "trust me, it looks much better on." And she would have been right.  She has the talent for spotting a gem.

 

Long story longer, she would hold a lot of sway because I trust her judgement. 

 

I have watched Say Yes to the Dress and am horrified by the behavior of these people.  I have informed my daughter when she gets married you do not bring an entourage with you. You bring one or two people (your mother) whose opinion and judgement you trust not to let you walk down the aisle looking like an idiot.

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AHASRADA

AHASRADA

Posted
Posted

My mom made my dress! We happened to be in an upscale fabric store when I told her dh had proposed.

 

We started looking at patterns and fabric right then and there. Of course she had a bit of input around what she was capable of sewing, but otherwise, it was all my decision.

 

We had a small wedding, paid for by mom and dad (dh and I were in college), but I had full control over choosing the dress, venue, flowers, menu, invitations, favors, etc. within their budget. I am very opinionated and strong-willed, mom isn't, so it all worked out.

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goldberry

goldberry

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Posted

My mom did not pressure me at all.  I picked the dress and she said "you look beautiful" and that was it.

 

Later I look at the dress and think, "ugh! what was I thinking?"  I have no one to blame but myself.  :glare:

 

I have seen other moms get very overbearing though.  On Yes to the Dress, I feel very sorry for some of those girls if the interaction is real.  One girl was overweight and her family was just cruel to her.

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bobbeym

bobbeym

Posted
Posted

Not much.  A big poufy dress would have been my mom's style, not mine, and came with lots of strings attached.  I opted to borrow a simple cream and rose colored sundress she'd bought on vacation a few years earlier and wore that instead.

 

I went shopping with DIL for her gown. She sort of knew what she wanted but wanted my opinion. She ended up buying the first dress she picked out and tried on.

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trinchick

trinchick

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My mom had a lot of input but we are very close and I value her opinion.

 

This exactly. I went to the dress shop with my mom and grandmother. I trusted that they both had my best interest at heart, so their opinion of any dress was important to me. We never got to the point where it was what I wanted vs. what mom wanted. We were working together to find the prettiest dress for me.

 

What I don't understand is the people on that show who bring an entire committee with them while they shop. How can you decide anything with a dozen people having input?

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RebeccaS

RebeccaS

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We had equal involvement.  She went with me when I went to try on dresses at a resale shop.  I hated them all.  Big, puffy things, they were.  I told her I felt like one of the hippos in Fantasia.  I said I wanted to make my dress and I found the pattern that I wanted (it was really a Halloween costume-medieval dress).  I loved it.  She said that I couldn't count on her to help sew it as it was beyond her comfort zone, but that was ok.  I intended to pay my sil's mother to help me.  My mom, however, (with my full permission) went shopping with another of my sil for the fabric.  I would have bought cheap fabrics and my mom knew it.  They had a ball shopping and with the help of a very happy saleslady, they chose gorgeous fabric.  It was the McCall's 2645 for those curious.  :D

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Myeightkiddies

Myeightkiddies

Posted
Posted

One way to ensure that your mother or other family member has no say in any part of your wedding is to pay for it yourself.  If you have a parent(s) paying thousands of dollars for your wedding then expect some input.  If your parent is the type to be very controlling then assume that will be the same for the wedding.  Sometimes you cannot have your cake and eat it too (have parents pay tens of thousands of dollars and yet not say anything about it).

 

My husband and I paid for our wedding.  Everything about it was how we wanted it.

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plansrme

plansrme

Posted
Posted

I love Say Yes to the Dress and have learned that before my girls shop for wedding dresses, I will sit in front of a mirror and practice until I can convincingly say, "Oh, Honey, you look lovely." Anything else would (1) be untrue, and (2) make me look like a shrew.

 

I bought my dress alone, so none, for the original question.

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Alice

Alice

Posted
Posted

I pretty much bought my dress for my Mom but she didn’t try to influence me. I would have been happy with something very simple, I talked about looking for a white dress that was not a wedding dress. I went shopping with my Mom to a bridal store just to see what there was and tried on a few dresses. One of the first ones I tried on was very lovely but much more fancy than I would have normally picked. I saw my Mom’s face and realized how important it was to her for me to have a “real dressâ€. She got married very young (in college) and her parents offered her a car or a wedding. She chose the car and got married in her home with no guests other than immediate family and in a yellow very plain shift style dress. I know she had always regretted not being able to have a big wedding. And I’m an only child so I was it for her as far as weddings. So I decided it was worth making her happy and got the dress. I never regretted it. Even though it wasn’t me, it was a lovely dress. 

 

I should say though that my Mom didn’t try and influence me at all. She said not a negative word when I said I was thinking of just getting a cheaper white dress. I think she said “whatever you want to do†or something like it. When I tried on the dresses she sat there very quietly and said nice things but didn’t gush or try to sway me. But I knew what it meant to her. I think if she’d tried hard to push me to buy one I might have resented it. As it was it was fine. 

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Mom0012

Mom0012

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Posted

My mom's opinion mattered a lot to me, so it did influence what dress I bought.  But not in a negative way.  I have fond memories of shopping for my wedding dress with her, but she's always very kind and respectful and would never have insisted I get a dress she wanted.  She's always been really in tune with me. 

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Ottakee

Ottakee

Posted
Posted

None. My BFF loaned me hers :)

Same here. I borrowed my friend's dress and my grandmother paid to have it cleaned after the wedding. I was happy with it. We were on a very tight budget---$500 for wedding and reception. My sister wore her prom dress and my MIL wore a suit coat he had from a friend's wedding and dh got a suit at JC Penny.

 

Surprisingly we are still happily married after over 20 years.......even without the big to dos.

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swellmomma

swellmomma

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my mom did not see my dress until I put it on on my wedding day.  I went by myself to the various bridal stores and tried them on and took the advice of the sale's people about what style suited me best for my body type.  I ended up with one I loved on sale for $800, and called it good. 

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Evergreen State Sue

Evergreen State Sue

Posted
Posted

I'm of the belief that when you try on the gown for you, you know it right away.  My mother wasn't living when I went wedding gown shopping, but I went with my older sister and cousin.   My cousin encouraged me to try this one gown on.  I wasn't all that impressed with it hanging up, but when I tried it on, I started to cry!  That was the one!

 

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Spryte

Spryte

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Posted

None.  Non-traditional wedding though.  I didn't even know which dress I'd wear till the night before we got married.  Everyone told me *not* to shop, or they just knew I'd back out.  I hate shopping.  And was commitment phobic.  :)  My best friend brought the dress I wore, she found it on a clearance rack for $27.  I was a size 0, so there were some good clearance options.  I had a few back ups, but that was the winner.  I'd have been just as happy wearing hiking boots and fleece, honestly.  

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