Jean in Newcastle Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 Was he not vaccinated for any of these illnesses? (No problem if you don't - it's just that these are childhood illnesses that are commonly vaccinated for.) I'm just wondering if he's participating in a plan of the birthmom's to get money out of you for fake illnesses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted August 30, 2013 Author Share Posted August 30, 2013 Yes he's been vaccinated. We are slow vaccinators but because he has attended ps he even has his grade 9 booster. Who knows what the scheme is, if there is one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 I'm thinking of you often and hoping that he learns the lessons he needs from this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 Here's a interesting update. My ds texted my sister day telling her he thinks he might have chicken pox! Seriously? Mumps earlier this month (turned out not to be) and now chicken pox? And why isn't his birthmother providing guidance? He always comes to us in times of trouble. After a back and forth conversation, my sister told him he needs to see a dr. (Oh, and she asked him if he's sure it's not ..in her words "insect bites"...aka fleas or bedbugs.) Haven't heard anything more since this morning. I think he might be gearing up for excuses to miss school which starts Tuesday. I'm sure he's scared. New school. Big city school. My money is on flea bites because I had a friend whose sister did exactly this: tried to keep her kids out of school (they were chronically truant) because of chicken pox, when the "pox" were actually flea bites. She must have an outdated version of "The Scuzzy Parent Handbook," i.e., one published before the CP vaccine became the norm. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 :grouphug: Mumps, and chicken pox. What a mix. I hope the chicken pox turns out to be just a scare, like the Mumps. Thinking of you often, and hoping every day for good news. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 If he had the vaccine and he actually got the chicken pox, his pox will be gone tomorrow, well before school on Tuesday. He probably has fleas or bed bugs. I might alert social services that a doctor visit is necessary over the weekend since there's chance of missing the first day of school. It's good he keeps in contact with your family when things are not right. It's a sign he knows birthmom cannot be counted on for basic needs. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 Even if he got vaxed for pox he can still get it. It is happening often. As well if he has not been getting the boosters every 7 years he could very well get it. My bet is still on insect bites, but I would not discount the chance of pox based on a vaccine. The mumps he was vaxed for, and he never had. Who told him it might be mumps? The clinic or the bio mom, bio mom is a flaky user and she would have no clue what vax he has had. Even with vaxes there is some things making a comeback like whooping cough so I can see if the clinic before double checking his vax records (since bio mom wouldn't know if they asked if he was) might make an off hand comment of rule out mumps and bio mom or your ds latched on to that as what was going on. In this situation though, pox is still possible though the culprit is most likely bug bites. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 I hope your ds got to a doctor or clinic to get checked. I had chickenpox as a young adult and it was horrible. I remember spending a lot of time in a bathtub filled with water and oats (that helped soothe the itching so much) and only being able to handle wearing flannel pjs. There is a measles outbreak in the province right now. Hopefully that isn't what he has. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 I asked dd if she wanted to see ds. I was kind of shocked to hear her say how angry she is at him for putting us through so much grief. (She's a very mellow personality.). I'm glad we have counciling for her. DD sounds quite normal. She is reacting as any normal person would in this situation. Normal for her and your family to be angry at your DS... 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Rose in BC Posted September 1, 2013 Author Popular Post Share Posted September 1, 2013 So it's not chicken pox. He did go to dr Friday. Dr told him rash was part of a virus. At that appointment (walk in clinic) my ds decided to mention his chronic stomach problems. (Did I mention he has suffered for years but refused to go to dr?) Dr did quick physical ...feeling glands, etc. and told my son he believes he has a thyroid issue. Thyroid can cause bowel issues (and depression, anxiety, etc.). So he had bloodwork and will see dr next week again. Here's the miracle. He texted my sister (who he had conferred with about his rash) and explained the thyroid problem then said "which means, if I would have listened to mom and gone to the dr I wouldn't be overweight, with horrible stomach issues today". Then when I got home from work he left a phone message asking me to call. In almost so many words he said "you were right mom". Those words do not flow easily from this boy's mouth. So a small miracle. I hope the bloodwork confirms thyroid issues so that he can start feeling better. School starts Tuesday. I'm curious how that will work. Also Tuesday my dd and sister will see ds after dd's birthmother's funeral. (My sister is baking him cookies..my recipe :).) 84 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 :001_smile: I hope your phone call goes well! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Wow Rose, that's a good development! Time and truth walk hand in hand. I hope that your boy continues to see the truth come to light. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Small miracles are still miracles! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 That's encouraging! May his eyes continue to be opened to the truth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 :grouphug: Oh, Rose, this glimmer of hope is very encouraging! :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinmom Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 That's HUGE for a RAD kid!!! So excited to hear the progress. Continuing to pray for you. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 So, so happy to hear this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Wow, Rose -- that is great news! I'll bet he's missing you a lot more than he wants to admit! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Step by step, step by step. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Well, I think that is awesome! Fireworks! I only hope this becomes a trend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Okay I have to admit I teared up reading that he said he should have listened to you and that you were right. That is so huge and a great first step towards seeing you are not the bad guy. If it is thyroid once it starts getting under control again and the anxiety/depression etc it can cause are dealt with he may start seeing the whole situation in a whole new light. I am so glad he got checked out, and that something positive has come out of all of this. Those rare times my oldest realizes I have been right along and he admits it are so precious to me, which is likely why I teared up reading you got that message 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Oh, Rose... Somehow I lost track of this thread and didn't see any updates. What an unbelievable ordeal. I'm so thankful your sisters are alongside your family through it all. My heart breaks for you, but your last post contained glimmers of hope. Many hugs to you and yours. I hope your son is safely home soon! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 This is such a hard journey, but it may just be what it takes for him to accept your love. Wishing you ongoing strength and wisdom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 That is such a good thing. Hoping for more positives like this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 So glad to hear some positive news, hoping for more to come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Oh wow! That's wonderful!!!! Rose, you have been so strong through this storm. I don't even know you yet I'm so thrilled this has happened! I hope this is the beginning of something great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Here's the miracle. He texted my sister (who he had conferred with about his rash) and explained the thyroid problem then said "which means, if I would have listened to mom and gone to the dr I wouldn't be overweight, with horrible stomach issues today". Then when I got home from work he left a phone message asking me to call. In almost so many words he said "you were right mom". :).) And I notice he said, "Mom" and not "Rose." 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisB Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 And I notice he said, "Mom" and not "Rose." :iagree: I think that's very telling. He knows who his "real" mom is, and it's not the woman he's currently living with. It's Rose, and Rose will always be his mom. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 :grouphug: Hang in there!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 Still thinking about you, praying!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 Rose, I have been following this thread and just wanted to send you hugs. As an adopted kid who is probably a bit RADdy due to the trauma associated with my abandonment/ adoption I know what a tragedy it would have been for me to have met my bio mom as a teen. I probably would have done exactly as your son is doing and hurt my mom deeply. There is just such a psychological hole left in a child with RAD. Then again, I , like your son would have probably seen fright through my bio moms cr@p pretty quickly. I think he needs to get it all straight in himself. Actually, as I write this, maybe it would have been better for me and my mom if I had met and tried to foster a relationship with my bio mom back then. It would have gotten the cards on the table, no mystery, no wondering whys, no false ideas of who my mother really was. I met my bio mom a year after my mother died. I did have a relationship with my mother and I was there for her until the last minute, but it was alwaysr strained, always stressful, always hard. I never blamed her per se' for the situation, but I also never bonded well....I am still an arms length sort of person. I expect those around me to hurt me deeply, so I do not get too close. I am pretty outgoing and verbal, but not warm and cushy. I never can be. Anyway, last year I met my bio mom, 2 sisters and a brother. Also, an aunt. I was welcomed by all with open arms....and one sister has become a very close friend. Bio mom.........piece of work!!! Total piece of work! Truth and reality are not part of her world. She is very sweet, very smart, but as nutters as they come! Even as a full grown woman with adult children of my own, this is something I am working through. I wish my mother was around to help me with this. I wish I could apologize to her for being such a little sh*t. I wish I would not have hurt her the way I did, immaturely, selfishly, without regard for her feelings because I was so inside my own issues and not dealing with the full information...not even really understanding the psychological issues in adopted kids. I come from a time where kids were all resilient, and there was no idea that adopted kids might not bond properly, or might have abandonment issues. I do think it may pan out better that ds is getting a real view of the truth of his circumstances and may actually begin to see your side a bit....a big bit. I also hope he gets a good dose of bio mom, enough to see he really does want to be with his mother ( YOU!). Anyway, you and your family are in my heart and my prayers. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4kiddies Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 Any updates now that he has started school? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 We've had a tough week with our eldest son getting in some trouble, my dd going to her birthmother's funeral. Friday night I was feeling very overwhelmed telling dh I can't do it anymore (parenting FASD kids). Knowing their whole life will be a struggle, I sometimes wonder how we'll be able to continue this pace. There is no respite with FASD. Anyway, yesterday my dh and I good day shopping, going for lunch (andi had my nails done :)). On our way one I get a text from my niece saying "it looks like the sh**** hit the fan, referring tommy ds and his birthmother. My heart was pounding. on the one hand maybe he was coming home. On the other hand, how would we be able to handle this boy who has been out of control his whole life but now it could be worse than ever. So last night I bit the bullet and phoned him and he answered. He was a bit defensive to start but eventually said he's been thinking about it. (Actually i think he was choking up on the other end when he heard my voice but he claimed to be listening to his ipod thats why he wasnt talking.) I didn't say anything except that I was worried that something bad had happened causing him to want to leave and that I was just checking he was ok. He said everything was fine. I reiterated that he could call any time if he was in trouble. Call lasted ten minute. So I don't know what to make of this. He started school Friday which I know would have been stressful. I think I'll phone social worker and see if she can dig deeper. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Hang in there and have patience, mama. He's learning some hard lessons; hopefully he'll come home changed for the better because he'll know the truth. You are doing an amazing job with all of your kids. Most people don't even have the strength to contemplate doing what you've done so far. :grouphug: 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I feel for your son, Rose. He's going through a furnace right now. I hope and pray he comes out on the right side, that he gets the medical help he needs (for his thyroid), and realizes that he has a real family, a real mother, who has always been there for him. You've been amazing. I know you don't feel like it right now, but you are so strong. :grouphug: :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexigail Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Hugs, Rose. You are doing an amazing job with him. It's one mom in a million who would handle this with such patience and grace. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 :grouphug: Just keep doing what you've been doing. I continue to be amazed at your grace and patience. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2OandE Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Continuing to pray for you Rose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Did your niece say what she had heard that prompted her to say that? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Did your niece say what she had heard that prompted her to say that? [/quote Yes, I'd have been calling my niece for details ASAP! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Saying a prayer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 Yes I now know his birthmother is having (and I'm not sure how to phrase this) a schizophrenic melt down. I think it's disconcerting for him. I guess her boyfriend tried to get her to hospital but she's been weeping nonstop and hallucinating. My niece told him her dad could be there in two hours to pick him up but he doesn't feel in danger, just confused at what he's seeing. I contacted social worker today. She is checking into things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Yes I now know his birthmother is having (and I'm not sure how to phrase this) a schizophrenic melt down. I think it's disconcerting for him. I guess her boyfriend tried to get her to hospital but she's been weeping nonstop and hallucinating. My niece told him her dad could be there in two hours to pick him up but he doesn't feel in danger, just confused at what he's seeing. I contacted social worker today. She is checking into things. Prayers for your son and you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 That poor kid, I imagine a vortex of confusion inside his head as he struggles to sort out what is solid and real and what is not. Praying for you and him and for good to come of this experience in time. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Once she goes to the hospital who is in responsible for ds? :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hjffkj Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 that is so difficult for him. I hope he is safe and remains that way. Praying that he figures this all out and comes home soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hjffkj Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I think you need to have someone (not you because of your difficult relationship with him) explain how dangerous untreated schizophrenia can be. It of course is not always but it certainly can be. And if he doesn't know a lot about it he may find comfort in knowledge and be able to make a better informed decision if sticking around while his birth mom refuses treatment is a good idea. Schizophrenia runs in my family so I know how difficult it is to understand it when its new. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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