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Okay, DH says this is weird and says absolutely, categorically, I should say no.

Halcyon

By Halcyon,
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Halcyon

Halcyon

Posted
Posted

Okay, so we walk our two dogs around our neighborhood. We are pretty new here, and last week encountered a nice golden retriever that my younger ds totally fell in love with. We spent a few minutes with him, and a few days later encountered him again, as well as the owner. She was very nice, older lady, and we chatted for about 10 minutes.

 

So today, I get a knock on my door (I was in the middle of a workout, so I was PURPLE). I answer, and it's the woman and her daughter and her 10 month old grand daughter. She clearly wants to come in so I invite them in. She introduces her daughter and her grand daughter. She says she takes care of her grand daughter from 8:30 am til 1 pm (while her daughter works ) but she is traveling to NYC for surgery in March and wants to know if I would be able to watch her grand daughter. I say "On which day?" And she replies "Um, all week." Of course, I was gracious but a bit surprised. I don't know her and have never met her daughter or grand daughter. Anyway, I want to be a nice neighbor so of course I am considering it.

 

I brought it up with DH and he said "NO WAY." He said first of all, what kind of parent leaves their 10 month old with someone they don't know? Second of all, he said "think of the precedent. Anytime they want to call upon you, you are "just a SAHM" so they can drop off the child." DH says "You work too, not only as a homeschool mom but as an acupuncturist 3 afternoons a week, it's just too much."

 

The child was adorable, of course, and really, I don't have a problem except what if I need to do something unexpectedly. Also, my kids require a fair amount of attention at school.....DH called me back like three times to say "Just a reminder, DON'T DO IT." I have been stretched pretty thin lately, but I feel it wouldn't be neighborly of me to categorically say no. Maybe offer to watch her one or two days?

 

Thoughts?

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Catwoman

Catwoman

Posted
Posted

What Wendy said.

 

The thing that isn't "neighborly" here is that the woman would try to impose like that!!!

 

Decline politely. And if she gets pushy, decline rudely.

 

But SAY NO.

 

Let the children's mother take the week off from work so she can watch her own kids. :glare:

 

What NERVE to ask you! And foolish, too -- for all she knows, you could be some kind of nut! What kind of moron asks a stranger to babysit her grandchildren?

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QuirkyKapers

QuirkyKapers

Posted
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No, I wouldn't do it. What if the child gets hurt? What if they say you did something innappropriate? She having surgery in March, there is time to come up with a plan. Maybe the mom needs to take time off work and watch her dd if there aren't other options. This just seems really strange to me. Be gracious. Be kind. But don't do it. Offer to take a meal over. Something other than watching the child.

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gardenmom5

gardenmom5

Posted
Posted

I brought it up with DH and he said "NO WAY." He said first of all, what kind of parent leaves their 10 month old with someone they don't know? Second of all, he said "think of the precedent. Anytime they want to call upon you, you are "just a SAHM" so they can drop off the child." DH says "You work too, not only as a homeschool mom but as an acupuncturist 3 afternoons a week, it's just too much."

 

 

I fully agree with your dh. - not only did grandma only speak to your for all of ten miutes in her life, what is the *MOTHER* thinking? she'd never met you before.

 

"i'm so sorry, but that won't work for me. I have previous commitments." (don't specify what your commitments are. they could be nothing more than sitting in front of the TV eating bonbons while watching soaps.) no matter how adorable this girl is, don't shorthchange your own kids.

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nmoira

nmoira

Posted
Posted

The question of their not knowing you aside (but wow!), I'm a little surprised at least minimal compensation wasn't offered. A week's worth of childcare isn't something to sniff at.

 

I'd decline.

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Tap

Tap

Posted
Posted

She politely asked.... I don't have a problem with that.

 

You can politely decline.....She shouldn't have a problem with that.

 

 

I am a working parent. I have asked neighbors to watch my kids and if they said they were not available, it was never a problem. I would just be honest. Let her know that you are stretched pretty thin, and it won't work for you right now. If you honestly wouldn't mind her asking in the future, then tell her so. If you really don't have time, or intentions of Ever watching her child, then just make sure to Not say "ask me any time." Mean what you say, and say what you mean (kindly of course).

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Halcyon

Halcyon

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Ha! Based on these responses, DH will feel quite vindicated. Okay, now I just have to think of a good reason. The grandma knows I work afternoons (already talked about this). Maybe I will say I got extra hours, which COULD be true--I mean, I just got asked to work Saturday. Sigh. I hate this sort of thing. I could just say "I don't really feel comfortable with it." That would be the honest thing.

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Pod's mum

Pod's mum

Posted
Posted

What a tough situation. I agree with your DH. On the other hand, "I" am that person who knows nobody around me and would possibly feel desperate to find anyone who appeared sane to watch my kids in a dire situation. (Not really, I'd rather die than find just anyone to watch my kids, but you get the idea.)

 

So, I dunno.

 

I've done this before for the dog, asked an unknown and interersting neighbour to come and feed our dog for a week and given him our house-key.

 

I also used to do a fair bit of gratis child minding for various people and even odd weeks of care for a couple of kids that needed to be away from that particular home situation. All very informal.

 

And I enjoyed being able to. We don't do it so much now, its usually people we know well now and its more a case of 'child-swapping'.

 

But I agree I'd prefer to know the situation a bit better.

But then I've never been sensible.

I hear it's a bit over-rated.

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gardenmom5

gardenmom5

Posted
Posted

Ha! Based on these responses, DH will feel quite vindicated. Okay, now I just have to think of a good reason. The grandma knows I work afternoons (already talked about this). Maybe I will say I got extra hours, which COULD be true--I mean, I just got asked to work Saturday. Sigh. I hate this sort of thing. I could just say "I don't really feel comfortable with it." That would be the honest thing.

 

why do you have to come up with an excuse? who cares if she knows you're home. You are HOMESCHOOLING your children when you're not working at a paid job. or you're caring for your own family in other ways. she probably doens't know, nor does she likely care.

 

"that won't work for me" is all you need to say. (repeat as often as necessary.) If you want to say "i'm not comfortable with that" prepare yourself for an argument as she tries to soften you up so you'll do it.

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Belacqua

Belacqua

Posted
Posted

I agree that you don't owe her any kind of explanation. You've known her for ten minutes.

 

"I'm afraid that won't be possible" or something equally firm is polite, pleasant, and doesn't give her anything she can try to argue against. I feel bad for this lady, as she's obviously in a difficult spot, but that does not make it your problem.

 

What do you want to bet she asks you to take the dog?

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SunnyDays

SunnyDays

Posted
Posted

Yikes. Yeah, I'm with your DH and everyone else... sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

 

And no, you *don't* need to give her an excuse. Your time is yours and you don't owe a near stranger much in the way of explanation.

 

How did you leave it with her? That you were thinking about it? Just say: "I've had a chance to think it over, and I'm afraid it really won't work for us. I hope things go smoothly for you, though, and if you'd like, I'd love to bring over a freezer casserole or something to make your recovery week easier." Or if you don't want to do that, leave it off. :)

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Trish

Trish

Posted
Posted

Ha! Based on these responses, DH will feel quite vindicated. Okay, now I just have to think of a good reason. The grandma knows I work afternoons (already talked about this). Maybe I will say I got extra hours, which COULD be true--I mean, I just got asked to work Saturday. Sigh. I hate this sort of thing. I could just say "I don't really feel comfortable with it." That would be the honest thing.

 

Homeschooling your kids counts for something, doesn't it? I mean, they're not offering to pay you, and things could go wrong. And you will be on the hook for all future emergencies.

 

Really, listen to everyone else's gut feeling on this!

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redsquirrel

redsquirrel

Posted
Posted

I am feeling a weird poor boundaries thing coming from them. I am SO glad you are not doing this. It is weird and shows they (or she) have poor judgement or little respect for personal boundaries. You do not want to get sucked into that.

 

You work from home and just don't have the time. Good luck with finding someone. Rinse and repeat.

 

If you are the type of person who backs down easily, have your husband or good friend role play it with you, having them push you really, really hard to agree. You might be surprised at how someone with such poor boundaries can just ignore everything you say. You feel like you keep saying no, but somehow you find yourself doing exactly what they want. Don't be afraid to be firm.

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Cinder

Cinder

Posted
Posted

Agree with others--weird. I would say no, that's just not going to work out for me. Or I'm not comfortable with that. Because I really wouldn't be. Actually I did have a neighbor ask if I could watch her kid every day while she worked. I just said, no I can't. She thought it would be no biggie for me since I'm right there and I'm home every day.

 

Just say no!

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runbikeswim

runbikeswim

Posted
Posted

You must be the world's nicest person to even consider it. But while your heart is in the right place, this woman is NOT normal. Do not involve yourself with them. No rational person would leave their grandchild or child with a near stranger.

 

I actually thought the woman was coming over to ask if the dogs wanted to play. My mouth dropped open when I read the entire post.

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Twigs

Twigs

Posted
Posted

… Okay, now I just have to think of a good reason. … I could just say "I don't really feel comfortable with it." That would be the honest thing.

why do you have to come up with an excuse? …

"that won't work for me" is all you need to say. (repeat as often as necessary.) If you want to say "i'm not comfortable with that" prepare yourself for an argument as she tries to soften you up so you'll do it.

 

coming up with a reason gives her something to work with to change your mind

 

One excuse you could give is that your house isn't set up for a baby--not babyproofed, maybe not quiet enough for naps. But since it's a weird request, I wouldn't even make excuses--I'd just say sorry, I won't be able to do it.

 

If you say your house is not babyproof, she might offer to come in & make it babyproof! Don't give an excuse.

 

I agree that you don't owe her any kind of explanation. You've known her for ten minutes.

 

"I'm afraid that won't be possible" or something equally firm is polite, pleasant, and doesn't give her anything she can try to argue against. I feel bad for this lady, as she's obviously in a difficult spot, but that does not make it your problem.

 

What do you want to bet she asks you to take the dog?

 

:iagree:

No, you don't need to think of a good reason. I would say "We've thought it over and won't be able to do this. Hope all goes well with your surgery." If she asks for a reason, just repeat it verbatim.

 

:iagree:

No you don't!

The truth is perfectly adequate.

 

:iagree:

… And no, you *don't* need to give her an excuse. Your time is yours and you don't owe a near stranger much in the way of explanation.…

:iagree:

 

Best wishes

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CupOCoffee

CupOCoffee

Posted
Posted

Do you know how tempting it is to say "Go for it", just because no one else has???

 

But that's just my sick sense of humor I guess. :rofl:

 

~coffee~

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Ummm.....JUST.SAY.NO You don't need to explain AT ALL.

 

Phew, now I feel better, just in case you took me seriously.

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Alte Veste Academy

Alte Veste Academy

Posted
Posted

Do you know how tempting it is to say "Go for it", just because no one else has???

 

But that's just my sick sense of humor I guess. :rofl:

 

~coffee~

 

 

:lol: There is a part of me that is all CUTE 10 MONTH OLD BABY GIRL!!!!!! Yes, please. Peek-a-boo and board books, all that chubby-legged gurgling cuteness! With no back talk?! Yes, PRETTY PLEASE!

 

But no, I wouldn't do it either. :lol: She doesn't even know you. You could be one of those homeschooling wackadoodles you hear so much about, for all she knows. ;) Weird to ask a virtual stranger to watch your baby...

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jelbe5

jelbe5

Posted
Posted

Just be honest when you say no. Your reasons for saying no are totally legitimate and you have no obligation to anyone except to yourself and your family.

 

"I'm flattered you thought of me as a sitter, but between homeschooling my children, keeping house and working outside of the home I am sorry, but I am unable to take on any additional duties, even for a short period of time."

 

And smile sweetly.

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Ellie

Ellie

Posted
Posted

Ha! Based on these responses, DH will feel quite vindicated. Okay, now I just have to think of a good reason. The grandma knows I work afternoons (already talked about this). Maybe I will say I got extra hours, which COULD be true--I mean, I just got asked to work Saturday. Sigh. I hate this sort of thing. I could just say "I don't really feel comfortable with it." That would be the honest thing.

 

 

You do NOT have to have a good reason. You just say "I'm so sorry, but I won't be able to do that." That's the honest thing.

 

Any reason you come up with can be fodder for more discussion. Just say no.

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G5052

G5052

Posted
Posted

Nope. Over the years various neighbors have tried to use me for childcare. I think that it is indeed the idea that "you're home anyway." And I've always turned them down, even when I wasn't working as much as I do now. Managing a child you barely know and homeschooling is too much to ask. And once you open the door to that, you will be asked again.

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Plink

Plink

Posted
Posted

I was in a similar situation a few years back. An unfamiliar neighbor suddenly stopped by and asked me to watch her son after school the next day. I wasn't sure how to say no, so I ignored my gut and agreed to do it. Bad decision.

 

The police were involved before the child went home. It was a sad situation, and I still worry about that little boy.

 

Helping neighbors is good, but walking into a sketchy situation isn't smart. Get to know your neighbor more, and perhaps you can volunteer to help with something different after her surgery. Bring her meals, walk her dog, or water her plants. Watching a stranger's child isn't wise.

 

Print out the names of several local child care facilities, and hand it to her with along with your sincere regret that you aren't able to help with childcare. There are companies equipped with the right supplies, time, and policies to handle situations like this.

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Laurie4b

Laurie4b

Posted
Posted

You should be running as fast as you can from the inappropriate vibes.

 

As others have pointed out, there is something seriously wrong with someone who would leave her baby with someone she doesn't know for a half hour, let alone a whole week. Let that sink in. That's the kind of person you're dealing with. There will be more, oh so much more.

 

As others have pointed out, you are setting yourself up for major potential for legal problems if you do watch the child of someone that YOU don't know, when you are not in a paid, professional situation.

 

Your hubby is wise.

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