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Belacqua

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Belacqua last won the day on March 23 2014

Belacqua had the most liked content!

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About Belacqua

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    Czarina Bee

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  1. Gouging old caulk from around the bathtub = weirdly satisfying

  2. When you blank on the word "fawn" and urge your family to "look at the deer cub!" they will laugh at you. A lot.

  3. Did you hear about the guy who was cooled to absolute zero? He's OK now.
  4. Three logicians walked into a bar. The bartender asked, "Do you all want drinks?" Logician #1: I don't know. Logician #2: I don't know. Logician #3: Yes.
  5. Helium walked into a bar and ordered a beer. The bartender said, "I'm sorry. We don't serve noble gases here." He didn't react.
  6. Past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
  7. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. The bartender looks at him and replies, "For you? No charge."
  8. Oh, thanks. I'm sure that iced coffee will clean right off my pants. :) Noooo! Don't stop...your jokes are great!
  9. Heisenberg and Schrödinger are out for a drive when they get stopped by the police. The policeman asks Heisenberg, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?†and Heisenberg says, “No, but I know where I am!â€. Confused, the officer says, “Sir, you were doing 80 mphâ€, and Heisenberg throws his hands in the air and huffs, “Great, now I don’t know where I am anymore!â€. The policeman thinks something is going on, and orders the pair out of the car so that he can search it for contraband. He looks under the seats, in the glove compartment, in the back, and then walks around the car and opens the boot. He stares into it for a moment, turns to Schrödinger and says, “Sir, did you know there’s a dead cat in here?!â€, so Schrödinger rolls his eyes and snorts. “Yeah, we do now!â€.
  10. I lost a bet recently because I was utterly convinced that Jean Beliveau (a hockey player) had died years ago. He did not. Sorry, M. Beliveau. Turns out I was confusing him with Maurice Richard.
  11. Why has my normally aloof pet turned into Velcro Kitty?

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Belacqua

      Belacqua

      I know! I can't help thinking of that nursing home cat who always knew who was about to die. Not that this cat would care, though.

    3. happi duck

      happi duck

      I think of that too!

    4. Kevin'sMom

      Kevin'sMom

      Could she be pregnant? Depressed?

  12. There's a hawk outside my window giving me the side-eye. Creepy. No wonder mice always look so jittery.

  13. We need a word for that feeling of disappointment you get upon fumbling around in your bowl of pistachios only to discover that they're all empty shells.

  14. I think it took us longer to decide on a name for our coffee maker than it did to name our kid.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Jean in Newcastle

      Jean in Newcastle

      That's a very pretty name.

    3. quark

      quark

      You name your appliances too? I thought I was the only one!

    4. Belacqua

      Belacqua

      I'm convinced they work better if you do.

  15. When the box of parchment paper says its cutting edge is sharp? It speaks the truth.

    1. quark
    2. Chelle in MO

      Chelle in MO

      I'm sorry about the cut! I read the warning on the mower's muffler yesterday and still got burned!

    3. Belacqua

      Belacqua

      I guess I can never again scoff at seemingly obvious warning labels.

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