Have you become what your family thought you would?

[Canadianmumof5]

Lots of crazy family drama going on lately and I've been thinking a lot about how funny life can be sometimes.

 

Growing up, our family (parents/aunts/unles, etc) always said that I would end up becoming a hugely successful career woman with the fancy house, car, 2.2 kids (that a nanny would raise), unhappy marriage, etc. And that my sister would be the one who was "barefoot & pregnant" with the white picket fence - and living happily ever after. It was almost a bit of a joke in the family when we were older and started getting married - as in everyone was watching to see how their predictions played out.

 

Initially they were right. But a few years down the road, it couldn't be more different. I left my full time career behind and am now a SAHM, pregnant with #5, and homeschooling my kids! Pretty far from where they thought I would be (me too to be honest) and sister is divorced, 2 kids, about to remarry & so obviously unhappy, it is sad to see.

 

Just odd how life has become so different from what everyone had pictured in their minds.

 

So, how 'bout you? Are you where everyone thought you would be? Or was it just my (highly dysfunctional) family that made their opinions on this known?

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

No. I'm not at all what my family thought I would be. They always called me the Wise Old Owl. I was never girly or maternal, really. I think they thought I'd be a college professor and spend my free time traveling the world. Which is what I did in my 20's.

 

They tease me about being a SAHM and being a devoted scrapbooker/crafter. I really think pregnancy hormones changed me. I wouldn't have imagined myself being content with me life as it is now, but I really am. Who knew?

[lllll]

...

[Desert Strawberry]

Nope. I was the "smart one ". I was supposed to have a big career and marry a wealthy older man.

 

I quit school, changed careers married a very young, uneducated man too early, stay home have too many kids and live in the boonies.

It's exactly what I dreamer of and everyone told me was a terrible waste of ky life. I could not be happier.

[bettyandbob]

No. That's really all I'd like to say.

[acablue]

Um no. I don't think anyone predicted that I'd be a stay-at-home homeschooling dad of three adopted children.

 

But, I don't blame them. Up until my mid 20s I did exactly what my family expected - athletic scholarship to a good school, engineering degree, traveled, got a good job, married young, etc. But, my divorce at 26, some drastic changes and meeting the perfect person (well, people - stepkids) led me to where I am. I couldn't be happier. :)

[PiCO]

So, how 'bout you? Are you where everyone thought you would be? Or was it just my (highly dysfunctional) family that made their opinions on this known?

 

Yes and no. I'm exactly what my brother thought I would be. I always joke that he should have filled me in, so I could have majored in business.

 

I'm not what my father wanted (he had a new family though, and both kids are what he wanted.)

 

I think my mother just wanted me to be happy, so she was right also!

[QuirkyKapers]

No, but they sure had an idea of who they thought I was and what I should like to do. Comments like, " We are so proud of who you have become. We never would have thought....." :glare:

[jenangelcat]

Nope. My mom fully expected me to live with her forever and never get a life of my own.

[ErinE]

No, but I'm not who I thought I would be when I was growing up. It's all part of becoming an adult.

 

I like who I am now, and I love the path I chose.

[mommaduck]

No, and it drove my mother nuts. She thought for certain that I was going to grow up to be a loser like my father. Nope, I did not become a loser and I became a good mother (she always struggled with motherhood).

[Birdwinglips]

Nope. My mom fully expected me to live with her forever and never get a life of my own.

 

Oh my, our mother's must be related!! lol Mine hasn't talked to me since my wedding day when she realized that she would no longer have control over me. Sad.

 

My family thought I would grow up to be a rich lawyer, a powerful businesswoman, or a movie star. Instead I became a homeschooling mom who was an elementary school teacher in her pre-kid days, and a Christian. Threw them all for a loop.

[DawnM]

No.

 

I got my degrees and worked for almost 17 years. I got married at 29, so my career was well established when I got married. I worked an additional 10 years after getting married and my kids went to full time daycare/pre-school. I had NO intention of staying at home or homeschooling!

 

I am in a very different place than I was 7 years ago. It has even surprised me!

[Kissy]

No. I was the smart one, the one who would finish high school go to a big college on a scholarship and then have a career and 1 or 2 spoiled children married to a wealthy smart man.

 

I made a mistake and wound up pregnant in high school. I did graduate and on time then went to community college. I did meet a hardworking man who does ok. I do not work and now homeschool my kids something no one, even me, saw that coming. I never thought I would stay home and be happy. I was raised to think that women worked and if they didn't it was because they were lazy.

 

I love the way things turned. My family sometimes is disappointed but for the most part they seem to be happy for me.

[learningmama]

Nope. My mom fully expected me to live with her forever and never get a life of my own.

 

:lol:

Edited June 9, 2012 by learningmama

[happypamama]

Yeah, I'm doing pretty much (like, exactly) what I thought I'd do, what my parents expected I'd do, and what everyone else thought I'd do. Even as a teen, I wanted to be a mom of a bunch of kids, and I wanted to homeschool them and live in the country. I'm married to my high school sweetheart, and that's what I do.

 

I just didn't expect I'd have three little boys. One or two, sure, but three, with only one girl -- that is a surprise. And an even bigger surprise is how much I adore having little boys. I had no idea. :)

[Alte Veste Academy]

No, but I'm not who I thought I would be when I was growing up. It's all part of becoming an adult.

 

I like who I am now, and I love the path I chose.

 

Exactly my case as well. Motherhood changed me and I am grateful for that.

[LaxMom]

I have no idea what my parents envisioned. My dad's highest aspiration for me is that I spend my life doing what I enjoy, so I've got that covered.

 

My mother... Well, she seems to have a vision of what I am that I have failed to live up to for the majority of my life. No idea of what that vision is, just that no matter what I do, it's not what she had in mind. Whatever. Since she's never taken the trouble to actually learn who I am, I don't get too worked up about trying to be her pretend me.

[REv1053]

No. I was the smart one, the one who would finish high school go to a big college on a scholarship and then have a career and 1 or 2 spoiled children married to a wealthy smart man.

 

I made a mistake and wound up pregnant in high school. I did graduate and on time then went to community college. I did meet a hardworking man who does ok. I do not work and now homeschool my kids something no one, even me, saw that coming. I never thought I would stay home and be happy. I was raised to think that women worked and if they didn't it was because they were lazy.

 

I love the way things turned. My family sometimes is disappointed but for the most part they seem to be happy for me.

 

Ditto to everything.

My family is disappointed that I never got that architect degree, but I am happy where I am. And I never even wanted kids!

[Audrey]

Both my parents are gone now, but my dad had told me, not long before he passed away, that my mom had been right about where my life would take me. He, on the other hand, thought that I'd end up shacked up with a punk band. :lol:

 

Personally, I am not anywhere near what I thought I'd be, but I am everything I secretly dreamed, but never dared hope I'd be.

Edited June 9, 2012 by Audrey

[LaxMom]

Ditto to everything.

My family is disappointed that I never got that architect degree, but I am happy where I am. And I never even wanted kids!

 

ditto here. 4 kids later... :lol:

[Hypatia.]

I started off going in the direction my family expected. Got a degree in Physics, then worked as a nuclear engineer.

 

Married DH (Navy, getting ready to retire now) then quit my job a couple years later when we decided he would stay in until retirement. Now I'm a SAHM with 4 kids and one on the way, homeschooling, bunch of chickens in the backyard. My dad commented "I always thought you'd end up living like the Jetsons when you grew up. Instead, it's Little House on the Prairie."

[Crimson Wife]

My parents expected me to be the doctor/lawyer/other professional who works part-time while her kids are in school. I don't think they ever expected me to be a super-type A career woman working 60+ hours/week and outsourcing childraising to some nanny because that's not my personality. However, they are disappointed that I didn't pursue a graduate degree and that I'm home full-time with no plans to resume paid employment any time soon if we can avoid it.

[VeganCupcake]

I have no clue what my family thought I would become.

 

Is that weird?

 

I don't know what my family expected of me, either.

[Mama Geek]

Other than going to and completing college I don't know what my parents expected of me.

 

I am very different than what I expected in a great way. When I was young I didn't want kids either. I never thought I would be a SAHM planning to homeschool. Of course this is after a 10+ year stressful career. I also think more outside the box and am more willing to do my own thing instead of what everyone thinks I should be doing.

[kalanamak]

I don't know what my family expected of me, either.

 

:iagree: Because they were adamantly anti-control of our future. Current behavior, when we were kids, they were all over like white on rice, but any feelings, hopes, hunches they had they kept very quiet about. There was one sentence, once, after I'd done well on my MCATS. My mother said, "Your father has been whistling all week." It was an indication of happiness. Other than that, they took their opinions to the grave. I hope to do the same.

[Onceuponatime]

If they thought about my future at all they probably thought I would end up a librarian. My mother acted as if I might end up in a hippie commune on drugs, (this was a cultural fear not based on reality.) My father didn't really care as long as I could take care of myself.

[Greenmama2]

Nope.

 

Personally, I am not anywhere near what I thought I'd be, but I am everything I secretly dreamed, but never dared hope I'd be.

I love this. True for me too.

[FaithManor]

My family is proud of what I do and who I am, but my life isn't what they expected.

 

I was not a child prodigy, but I was close and so the expectation always was that I would be a concert pianist. It is what I thought I would become and my whole life pretty much revolved around making that happen. I was a willing volunteer in this by the way!

 

I graduated high school at 16, entered college before my 17th birthday, and began that level of training. While there, I met dh. I also become somewhat burned out in piano performance. I finished the degree, but must admit that I wondered if all of the competitions and just the general, harsh nature of the business was all there was to life and yet, it had a pull on me...I was pretty conflicted.

 

Dh was pretty smitten. I admit that I definitely loved him, but was really not certain if marriage and family were for me. He proposed, I tentatively accepted, people planned the wedding, I tried on dresses, life moved on. I nearly did not go through with it. I was pretty certain that if I did, marriage and family would end up coming ahead of any chance at a major music career. Dh wanted kids, I thought kids were okay but wasn't convinced I wanted any.

 

Well, I didn't have the guts to leave him at the alter. We celebrate 24 yrs. on Monday, not together because he'll be in Germany for work. It's been a wonderful life! And despite my misgivings, and despite announcing after her birth that THIS WOULD NOT BE HAPPENING AGAIN, there are three boys and now a crazy cocker spaniel as a bonus.

 

Initially, there was some mild disappointment on my dad's part about not "making it". However, it didn't take him long to get over that. Maybe three years....about the first time he held dd in his arms. :D He and dh have a very, very close relationship so no hard feelings there.

 

As happy as I am, there is a certain internal drive towards performance that has never totally abated. There is still a piece of me that secretly wishes I would have had that career. Most of the time, that diva stays safely in her cell! :lol: Dad is very, very careful to never bring it up...it's kind of the elephant in the room, but he doesn't want me to feel any angst because the dream never happened. He's a great dad!

 

For the most part, I'm golden with my folks! It's my brother that has been the disappointment. However, that only has to do with the fact that he's been a lousy dad, a truly, lousy dad. Our father was absolutely amazing and it's painful for him to see his son falling down on that job.

 

Mom seems pleased with me. The career thing was more of a daddy/daughter dream and I think she was most thrilled that I had choices, choices she never had. Her mother pretty much forced the girls to get married straight out of high school and while my folks ended up pretty happy together, my mother really resented her mother for it at first!

 

Faith

[MissKNG]

Haha! No....I'm the "weird" one of the family. Everyone else is all about going to college and getting a great job and being successful on that respect. I'm the Jesus-loving, home schooling, stay at home mom! And I'm a vegetarian...that is also "weird" to them!:D

[FairProspects]

My parents expected me to be the doctor/lawyer/other professional who works part-time while her kids are in school. I don't think they ever expected me to be a super-type A career woman working 60+ hours/week and outsourcing childraising to some nanny because that's not my personality. However, they are disappointed that I didn't pursue a graduate degree and that I'm home full-time with no plans to resume paid employment any time soon if we can avoid it.

 

This is similar to my situation as well. Although, my parents have accepted it and are supportive. I don't think it was what they expected though, and the topic is not allowed to be discussed with my in-laws who think as above.

[Mom-ninja.]

No. My mom had said more than once that she always thought I "would do something with my life." :glare:

[justLisa]

I don't think so....or maybe. I dunno. My mom had an idea for everything everyone should be doing at every minute. I don't know what that was/is and I don't know if I am or not doing what she thought.

 

Having said that, everyone I know seems to be inspired by our home life and the things we do, way we live etc.

[AlmiraGulch]

I'm not certain what my parents thought I would be. Surely it would have involved considerably more influence and money than what I have now! :D

 

Doesn't really matter anyway, because the truth has always been sort of an inconvenience for them. Whatever they want to be truth is basically what they tell themselves (and others) anyway.

[fairfarmhand]

I have no clue what my family thought I would become.

 

Is that weird?

If it is strange, then I am there too.

 

Although, I really don't think that any of my family members ever pictured me on a farm milking cows, playing with chickens and growing veggies. I hated the outdoors and dirt as a kid/teen.

 

But as far as who I am and what I do, I have no idea what they expected.

[Night Elf]

What an interesting thread. I really have no idea. I'm having lunch with my mom and grandma tomorrow. I'm going to bring up this subject. :tongue_smilie:

[kalanamak]

Um no. I don't think anyone predicted that I'd be a stay-at-home homeschooling dad of three adopted children.

:)

 

:lol: I think hubby's family thought he'd end up behind bars (a "risk taker") instead of being a SAHD in his 60s with a clean record.

[Excelsior! Academy]

I guess you could say I have. I was the black sheep, so I was expected to 'fail'. In their (mostly parents) eyes, I will always be a failure - no matter what I do. And my brothers will always be perfect, no matter what they do (drugs, cheat on wife, etc.). Which really made it easy to go off and do my own thing without looking back. Very freeing, if that makes any sense?

 

No, but I'm not who I thought I would be when I was growing up. It's all part of becoming an adult.

 

I like who I am now, and I love the path I chose.

 

I Was expected to go to college and get a real job. It is totally disappointing that I never finished college, married early, and am just a stay-at-home mom with a bunch of kids. Really, I should do more than watch soap operas and eat Bon bons all day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Best. quote. ever.

 

 

Personally, I am not anywhere near what I thought I'd be, but I am everything I secretly dreamed, but never dared hope I'd be.

[*Inna*]

They just wanted for me to be happy and content with my life. And I am. :001_smile:

[hollyh]

I think I turned out exactly like they expected... seriously. I can't say that for any of my other siblings, but I think they were spot on with me.

[Heather in Neverland]

Yes. I was supposed to get an good education, have a career I love, a good husband and wonderful children and I did exactly that.

 

I don't think Malaysia was ever in their minds though. :D

[SKL]

More than I ever thought.

 

My mom used to work for a woman lawyer (in the 1970s) and she decided that I should be a lawyer. I never liked the idea much (the thought of arguing cases in a courtroom). I took up a teaching major, much to the disappointment of all, including my high school teachers. Three years later, I realized that was not a good idea and decided to go to law school (and then I added MBA and CPA). My goal was still to be an educator but via "saving up lots of money and then starting my own school." Well, I still don't have my own school 26 years later. Unless you count my humble Mama's Afterschooling Acadamy. (I am a business owner, however.)

 

So yeah, I'm an attorney, though my day job does not technically require a law license.

[Tap]

I don't know what my family expected of me. I don't think they ever gave it much thought.

 

On one hand, I am so very Very! Radically different than my older siblings, I can't imagine anyone in my family would have imagined my life as it is. On the other, when I started homeschooling, my otherwise negative mother said "if anyone can do it, it is you". It is honestly the nicest thing she ever said to me. :D She paid for me to go to private school when I was little. Her bff at the time had a daughter who was homeschooling in the 1970s so homeschooling wasn't a foreign idea to her.

 

I grew up cooking from scratch and canning foods. For me to go back to those roots, may seem odd to the more conventional world, it isn't that far from my mother's teaching. So, really, I don't know how I fall in her expectations of me.

 

I can say, that I never expected to end up where I am!

[Hannah]

My mom wanted me to be a teacher so that I could have a career, but still have maximum time with my children. She died while I was studying towards a teacher's degree, so did not see the switch I made midway. She ran a small business from home herself.

 

I married at 30 and was fast-tracking in my corporate career until my first dd was born. Now I work part-time (which means the corporate climb came to a grinding halt) and we have an au pair who helps with homeschooling.

 

Mom would be pleased that I've found a happy median of being able to contribute financially to the family and still be an involved mother.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

It's funny; I disappointed a lot of my family in several ways. I left the church/cult I grew up in and went "mainstream, " I married my high school sweetheart instead of the guy my Granny (grandmother who raised me) wanted me to. I got married right out of high school instead of going to collage. I have kids when my cousins who are the same age as.I am are.getting engaged. But my aunt, who at my 18th birthday party told my fiance 's parents that they should just give us a box of....raincoats....instead of getting married, recently told us that we were right to have kids so young because her own son was having kids in his early 40's and he and his fiance are just exhausted running after their kids.

 

So, yes, my life didn't turn out anything like my family thought /hoped. And I'm okay with that.:001_smile:

[Lizzie in Ma]

I've no idea what they thought I would turn out like. Might be interesting to ask though!

[Impish]

Nope.

 

I was to have either been a Dr or a lawyer. I wasn't really supposed to get married at all, and if I did, he was supposed to be a weak man I could control. And *maybe* one child. Maybe.

 

Then I was supposed to be my mom's bff, when ever she decided to spend time w/me, and wait patiently for those moments.

 

Yeaaaaaah.

 

Thankfully, God had other plans for me. :D

[mommymilkies]

Complicated. In some ways, I think they ended up being right. In many ways, they were wrong. I'm ok with that. I have changed a lot from what I assumed my life would be and I am happier now to do what I want, instead of what I expected of myself. Now my in-laws...I definitely was not what they hoped I'd be. :lol:

[butterflymommy]

We were raised to be feminist career women and were taught that SAHMs were wasting their lives, lazy or both. My mom has lied to people and made up jobs that I don't have, and has said my sister was very happy and fulfilled at a part time job she was desperate to quit (and knew that).

 

My mom does seem to love her grandchildren, at least as much as they fit into her vision of what her life should be. :001_huh:

[MamaT]

I was very smart, got a full ride to college, and was a spoiled brat baby of the family. So spoiled that I refused to start my junior year without a brand new Camaro. I was 15 with only a permit, but my dad bought me one anyway. :confused: Oh, I didn't want any kids. My family assumed I would be a high-powered career woman who was way too self-centered to have kids.

 

Instead, I got married and proceeded to have six kids that I homeschool. Thankfully, I am not materialistic at all and lost my self-centeredness along the way.