I had / will have my last child at age ____ and here are my thoughts on that

[BethG]

I'm curious to hear from you all on the issue of your thoughts on your age at last childbearing.

 

any regrets (about the timing)?

thoughts on its effects on you? your marriage? your children?

the goods? the bads? pros? cons? basically anything you want to share on the subject.

 

We're thinking about a fourth child in the future (i'm 34 now) thus the thread.

[amy g.]

I had my last child at 43. I am more tired than I was with my first, but my older kids really help out with her, and she is super bonded to my dh.

 

The good is that we have more money and other resources than we had when we were younger, and the bad is that I have less energy.

[SKL]

Oh, 34 is young if your body is up to it. I have not borne kids, but I adopted two who are 40 years younger than I am. Age 40 is about my limit, I think. I don't have the energy to run after kids (nor the patience to hear them holler incessantly) like you young'uns do.

[Negin]

Last at age 31. Very happy with that. Never wanted more after 35. Love having one of each - one girl and one boy - close in age. Perfect for us.

I've always felt that kids need many things, but just the basic 4 are:

Time

Energy

$$

Patience

I don't have enough of all of the above. We're delighted to focus on the two we have. I get easily overwhelmed and know my limits.

[Sarah CB]

I'm curious to hear from you all on the issue of your thoughts on your age at last childbearing.

 

any regrets (about the timing)?

thoughts on its effects on you? your marriage? your children?

the goods? the bads? pros? cons? basically anything you want to share on the subject.

 

We're thinking about a fourth child in the future (i'm 34 now) thus the thread.

 

I had my last child at 28. I have four and we likely would have had more if I didn't have issues with high blood pressure and pregnancy. To be honest, I am thankful to have had the kids at a younger age. I love being home with them right now, but I also think I'll enjoy the years that dh and I will have together after the kids are gone. I have lots of things I'd like to do with my life and I think it's neat that there will be a time when I can pursue those things more and still enjoy the company of my kids as adults. How fun is that?

[jelbe5]

I had my youngest at age 37 (couple months shy of 38). Shortly after that our son was diagnosed with autism. I also had some health issues during that pregnancy. Because of these factors, we decided it may not be wise to have more children. It was hard around the time youngest was 2 . . . I went through some baby-lust. But that did pass and now we are very content. As the Schoolhouse Rock songs says, for us, three is the magic number. :001_smile:

 

ETA We were in our late 20s when we married. I had worked for a while and finished school. We saved money and bought a house. We felt the timing was right. We had our children about 2 years apart. There have been times of stress, but nothing we could not deal with. We are very happy with how things have worked out with our family.

Edited January 11, 2012 by jelbe5

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I had my first child at age 33, almost 34. I had my second child at age 35. That pregnancy was horrible. So horrible, I made dh get a vasectomy almost immediately after the delivery! :tongue_smilie:

 

I wish I had started earlier, as I'm sure I would have had at least 4 kids. But now (43 in April), I don't think I'm up for it. Dh is 10 years older than I am, and he doesn't want anymore kids at his age, either. We feel it wouldn't be fair to the kids because we don't have the same level of energy anymore.

[The Girls' Mom]

I had my last at 24. I wish I hadn't made such a permanent decision to stop at that age. I would happily have more.

[Mary in VA]

I had my second and last at 36. Perfectly happy with that.

 

Mary

[Dmmetler]

I am 39, and would love to have another child, and physically I'm in better shape now at 39 than I was at 29. However, it's very likely that my last will end up being at 32, unless we adopt, since we're not willing to go to any extreme lengths as far as infertility treatment goes.

[luvnlattes]

I had my last child when I was 35. I could have gone for another but dh was done. He thought he was getting too old. He'd say, "Do you know how old I'll be when this child graduates?" I never cared about that.

 

I had my first at 31 so I didn't feel the experience was that different at 35. I may have had more energy in my 20s but I have nothing to compare it to.

 

Not sure what you mean about how did it affect my marriage. Are you talking about having all your kids school age now and thinking about adding a baby?

[WIS0320]

I had my last at 31. I had my first at 27, we had three in a relatively short period of time. I would love to have more but my DH does not.

[tabrizia]

I had my last at 33, I had my first at 29, so I had 3 in a relatively short period of time as well. I don't regret it at all. I would still enjoy one more I think, but I really feel done, and DH is completely done. I do wish our financial situation had been a bit better, but other then that I think our energy levels and ages for having kids worked well for both me and DH (he is only 9 months older then me).

[LibraryLover]

I know that I have given birth to my last child, but I can't say there will never be another child in my future. I would be well over 40, and I do sometimes buy lottery tickets with adoption fees in mind.

 

I think I would be awesome, energy-wise. And with the lottery winnings I would also buy a really cool stroller from a really cool baby store in Brooklyn. :) I'd do Baby and Hot Mommy Yoga, get cute Kleen Kanteen sipppy cups...this time around I would be a super-consumer of green and (mostly) needless items.

Edited January 11, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Spryte]

Our last arrived when I was 39 (adoption). DH and I are both healthy, and our energy level is good. I wouldn't trade a thing about this... We were ready now, not 5 years ago, for another. I do think this will be our last kiddo, but that is more because we are of the mindset that 3 is enough (for us) - getting pregnant is a non-option, and we are unlikely to adopt again. If pregnancy were an option, maybe things would be different, but for us, as things stand, this is it. And we're happy with that.

[desertmum]

I was 31 with my first. I've had two miscarriages. Now at 37 I feel I don't want to risk my health anymore. I am grateful for what we've got.

 

Any regrets? I wish I had had children much younger, but I didn't meet the love of my life until I was 29.

Edited January 11, 2012 by desertmum

[MamaT]

I had my last at 35 and my first at 22. It was much easier to have kids the ages of mine when I was younger. I definitely don't have as much energy. We decided to be done because I have a really hard time with pregnancies, have C-sections, and lost 4 - as many as I gave birth to. We knew we wanted to adopt any more that we had after we adopted our first daughter (boy number 4 was a surprise), and did adopt one more when I was 36.

[chepyl]

I had my first at 26, I will be 33 when number 3 arrives in August. We might have one more, but I will be done at 35 or 36.

[lionfamily1999]

I had my last child at age 26, dh was 31. (I mention dh's age, because - as another poster mentioned - dh's age by the time our youngest reaches adulthood has been a consideration). Granted, neither of us are 'fixed' so we could be surprised at any moment :p

 

any regrets (about the timing)?

If I would've known I was going to have another child (all three have been our 'last' child up until their sibling happened along), then I would have had him sooner. There are five years between each one of our three children. IOW, I have a teen, tween, and youngun.' In five years I will have a young adult (20), a teen, and a tween. Really, my future for the next twenty years just looks desperately stressful.

 

thoughts on its effects on you?

See above. Our ages, dh and I, aren't so much of a factor as their age spread. 26 is when a lot of people start having children, I do look forward to 'retiring' young though :p

 

your marriage?

:lol: We started our married lives with dd. Luke just meant another five years before we could sell everything and run away :lol: We'll still be young empty nesters (44 and 49), we just won't be as young as we'd originally hoped.

 

your children?

They will have experience with young married life :lol: Really, I do wish we would have waited longer, but what's done is done. That doesn't mean I want to give up my foggy dreams of living off the back of a bike at 44 :lol: My youngest is growing up with parents that are standard parenting age, if anything he's the luckiest of all.

 

the goods?

Living off a bike at 44. Dh and I get to be wreckless and wild while we're still young enough to be wreckless and wild :lol:

 

the bads?

Babies are snuggly and soft and if I had one now I would (probably) be a much better parent. We are more capable now of starting off "right." What ifs are pretty sucky too.

 

 

I had my last child at 28. I have four and we likely would have had more if I didn't have issues with high blood pressure and pregnancy. To be honest, I am thankful to have had the kids at a younger age. I love being home with them right now, but I also think I'll enjoy the years that dh and I will have together after the kids are gone. I have lots of things I'd like to do with my life and I think it's neat that there will be a time when I can pursue those things more and still enjoy the company of my kids as adults. How fun is that?

:iagree:

[DawnM]

My youngest child was born when I was 37. I did not give birth to him though as he is adopted.

 

My older two were bio and were born at 31 and 32 years old.

 

We looked at possibly adopting again and were serious about it, but honestly, I am tired. I am 45, almost 46, and the thought of more kids wears me out.

 

Dawn

[Sandy in Indy]

I had my first when I was 30 and dh was 39. Second at 33 and 42. I was two weeks shy of 43 when I delivered my last and dh was 52. (We wish we'd had more in the middle, but we felt we couldn't because of financial limitations.) Youngest ds was very high needs. By the time he grew out of extreme attachment issues (as in, he had to be attached to my person 24/7), I was 48. That's too late in my book!

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[KungFuPanda]

I had my last at 28. I only have two. My mother told me to have them before I was 30 because it was much easier. I'm pushing 40 now and shudder at the thought of being pregnant now.

[justamouse]

I started at 19 and wanted my last by 38-which we did. There are 9 years between Dh and I, so yes, his age is a consideration. Which is why I force feed him green smoothies. :D

 

And now, at 40, I'm dropping Dh LARGE hints that I'd like to adopt. :001_smile: I'm finally getting good at this mothering thing, yanno? :tongue_smilie:

[Amber in SJ]

I had my first at 24 & my last at 34. There was a definite difference between pregnancies at those ages. My pregnancies got more & more complicated, longer & longer bed rest, more & more severe PPD.

 

I don't wish I could have another now (41) but I wish there weren't such a big gap between the two "big" kids and the two "little" kids.

 

Amber in SJ

[Carrie12345]

I intended to be "done" by 30. #4 was born at 42 weeks, 3 days after my 30th birthday, so there went that! ;)

 

#5 was born when I was 33. Surprise!

 

At this point, if I wanted to have more, I think I'd be willing to be flexible with timing. But I don't, so it's a moot point! Reparenting at 33 has been different, but not bad in any real ways. I guess I'm just more tired than I was at 21!

[Parrothead]

I'm curious to hear from you all on the issue of your thoughts on your age at last childbearing.

I had dd just before my 33 birthday.

 

any regrets (about the timing)?

We always thought we would have more children. Apparently it was the perfect time for us to get at least one.

 

thoughts on its effects on you?

I think I went through the entire grief process when I realized there woudl be no more.

 

your marriage?

I do not want to stop and analyze it.

 

your children?

At 12 dd is just now beginning to understand why she has no siblings.

the goods?

There are good moments. Actually lots of good moments

 

the bads?

I still get depressed when I hear pregnancy announcements. Since the choice was not mine (or even dh's) there hasn't ever been that feeling of "I'm done having babies.")

 

pros?

We can do more financially for dd than we would be able to if we had had a houseful.

 

cons?

Pretty much what you would think the cons are.

basically anything you want to share on the subject.

Just be sure you feel that the time is right for you to be done.

 

We're thinking about a fourth child in the future (i'm 34 now) thus the thread.

If I could have had one at 34 I would have.

[LizzyBee]

I had my last dd when I was 37 and dh was 44. I really wanted one more and probably would have had another at age 39 or 40 to space them out a bit, but dh felt like he was too old for another baby. I hoped he would change his mind, but now I'm 47 and I have chronic leukemia, so we are definitely done. I'm looking forward to having grandchildren in a few years to satisfy my baby cravings. :001_smile:

 

My biggest regret is that dd10 is lonely because of the age difference between her and her older sisters.

 

Even if we'd had another, I don't think I would have ever gotten over wanting "just one more." I just love the feel and smell of a new baby. So I don't have any ill feelings toward dh for stopping at 3.

Edited January 11, 2012 by LizzyBee

[J-rap]

We had five children between the ages of 28 and 34 (for both my husband and myself). I felt great, and loved having them close together. They were and still are each other's best friends. I felt the same at age 44 as I did at 34, so would have been happy to have had more. However, my husband had a vasectomy at 35 since our youngest was having significant health problems, and it was quite draining for awhile.

[Sophia]

I had my last at 41 and don't feel any different than when my first was born at age 29. I think my dc keep me feeling young :001_smile:.

 

I'm so grateful to have little ones in my life still and when I look at my older dc, I remember how quickly time goes by and purpose to treasure my time with my younger crowd.

 

Affect on marriage? It's very easy for us to get wrapped up with our dc and neglect each other. Because we have older dc, though, we do have built in babysitters for when we are overdue for a date.;)

 

The goods? My older dc are very realistic about what parenting young children involves. They will not take becoming parents lightly. They also love their little siblings and it is a joy to see them make time for each other, especially watching my 18 y.o. get silly with his little brothers.

 

The cons? Hmmm...this is the life we chose, so I don't see the cons the same way someone else might. I have friends who are loving the empty nest, but I honestly believe I'd be depressed if I was looking at an empty nest in a few years.

Yes, we'd have more money and time if we had less dc, but I'd probably spend that time wishing I had another baby, lol!

[mchel210]

28 and I cant imagine having a newborn now! (NOT that I wouldnt like one):)

[edelweiss]

I had my first at 31 and my second at 34. That was absolutely perfect for me!! I did not want to have children before the age of 30 (I got married when I was 24, so I could have had them earlier). My pregnancies and labors were both smooth and easy, so it worked perfectly for me.

 

We did consider having another one up to a year ago, but decided against it. Our family is perfect as it is. :001_smile: I wouldn't have hesitated to have another baby up until 40 or 41 (I'm 43 now).

[Heather in Neverland]

Well the only child I gave birth to was at age 28. Then I adopted at age 34 and again at age 40. Do I still count? :D

 

Although the age span can be challenging, it also allows me to give each child a lot of individual attention as they go through each stage. We are done now and very happy with our family size.

[LG Gone Wild]

So far, my last at 32 but the fat lady hasn't sung yet so .....;)

[Cindy in FL.]

I was 37 when I had my last. I had 2 miscarriages when he was 1 and then I went straight into menopause. We would have gladly had more children, but that was how it played out.

 

Cindy

[2_girls_mommy]

The last was at 29 ( a month before I turned 30.) and my mother told me then that I was too old :)

 

My thoughts are that I always wanted at least one more, but it didn't happen. I did plan to be done by 35. I am past that now, and not so sure any more.

[scrappyhappymama]

I'll be 38 when our current baby is born. I'm not sure this will be our last baby, but I am content if it is.

[AimeeM]

I had my first child at 16 (and oh the regrets are there - not for my child, but because I was selfish and arrogant enough to assume I could do well by her as a teenager). I am pregnant with Number 3 now. He/She will be my last. I am 27. No regrets on this has my last. We had only planned on two (my husband legally adopted my daughter and we also have a son), so this one was a surprise anyway :D. We had just been talking about surgical options for stop pregnancy before finding out about out pending arrival. Lol.

 

I'm not sure how I feel about this pregnancy yet. Sounds horrid of me doesn't it? Our son had/has major medical problems (lung and heart related). I find myself hesitating with this pregnancy. I'm having a difficult time bonding. I just feel so drained after our toddler monster. I'm sure I'll feel better about it soon.

Edited January 11, 2012 by AimeeM

[myfunnybunch]

I had my youngest child when I was 38. My first was born when I was 27, and I added a stepdaughter and two more boys, for a total of five children, in between.

 

My last pregnancy and labor were fine. I mean, I gave birth to a 10-1/2 lb. baby drug-free and it hurt a lot, but there were no complications and we were both home within six hours.

 

With my youngest, I am a more patient but less playful momma. I was also mostly patient with my first and playful with my last, just more experience and more busy tipped the balance.

 

I asked dh to get a vasectomy because I knew I'd want another and I knew our family was complete. I kind of wish we'd had one more; I know it's for the best that we didn't. :) But if we had, I expect everything would have been much the same as it is now, just with one more little person in the mix. That and we'd have had to buy a bigger car. ;)

 

Cat

[elise1mds]

I had my last child at the ripe old age of.... wait for it...

 

22.

 

I was almost 23... that counts, right?

 

I do not have any regrets about having my children so early. They were planned. DH and I had been married for a couple of years and were financially stable before we decided to have children. We both knew that we only wanted two children, and neither of us have had baby fever since DD came along. Two is our perfect number.

 

My son is perfectly happy as well. He would probably have been happy with being an only child, but he loves his sister. My daughter sometimes wishes that she had a little sibling to play with, but we're around younger kids enough that she gets her fill... and honestly, I don't think she would have handled being a middle child as well as she thinks she would have.

 

Pros: The kids will (God willing) be out of the house by the time I'm in my early 40s. DH and I won't have to worry about retirement and college at the same time. We have plenty of energy to keep up with them, and the kids have been able to meet, know and love every single one of their grandparents - and several great-grandparents.

 

Cons: I'm not the most patient mother. Age probably would have helped with that, but I'm not sure to what extent. Patience has never been my biggest virtue. It was also lonely being a SAHM when so many of my friends were still single and/or in college. I did 'give up' college when DS was a toddler because DH was out of town so often that college courses were difficult to schedule, and that rankles me occasionally, but I know it'll be there when I get back to it.

[Tenaj]

I had our youngest at 45 two years ago. I think I'm a much better Mom now than I was when my first was born at 27. I'm guessing that she's our last but every month I wonder :) I'm truly content either way God decides.

[TravelingChris]

I had my youngest at 34, though less than a month from 35. We did try for a baby later but it didn't happen. Then I got even more medical issues and when I was dh was 43 he had a vasectomy.

[VeteranMom]

I had twins at 31 and another baby at 32. My body doesn't tolerate pregnancy well, so it was the best decision. I would've liked one more, but the decision is final.

[MamaSheep]

I'm curious to hear from you all on the issue of your thoughts on your age at last childbearing.

 

any regrets (about the timing)?

thoughts on its effects on you? your marriage? your children?

the goods? the bads? pros? cons? basically anything you want to share on the subject.

 

We're thinking about a fourth child in the future (i'm 34 now) thus the thread.

 

Up until a couple of weeks ago I'd have said I had my last at 31 and was finally coming to grips with the fact that there just weren't going to be anymore. At this point, though, assuming everything goes smoothly (PLEASE!) I will have our next (and presumably last, though at this point I can't discount further miracles...lol) next summer when I'm 41.

 

As far as timing, I would have loved for it to happen sooner. In my ideal life I'd have several more children (and the first one would not have been so dang HARD--although I have certainly learned a lot from being his mom, and I suppose since I don't want to turn in the wisdom gained I can't trade in the experiences that brought it either). Also in my ideal world they would not have been born so far apart. But all things being as they are, it was a good thing to have that first five years with ds before dd came along because he was SO intensely needy by the time he was three and four that I'm not sure how I'd have managed a toddler in the mix too, which of course I didn't see coming (at least not the extent) when he was only two and I was hoping for another baby.

 

Me, my marriage, my children? I think I'm still so stunned that I haven't sorted out yet what effects it might have on me. Honestly, I had been starting to try to figure out what to do with myself after ds graduates and moves on. He's been getting so much more independent, and dd has never needed me as intensely as he has, so I was kind of looking forward to some time when I could do something else...though I hadn't figured out yet what that was going to be. I'm kind of excited about having another little one (it's funny how much shorter "the first five years" looks this time around than it did the first time). How it affects me will depend a lot on what sort of child this one turns out to be. If it's a happy, healthy, strong little person that will be a different prospect than if it turns out to be, say, a severely autistic little person with Down's Syndrome. We'll take what comes and love it, but I'm hoping for happy, healthy, and strong.

 

My marriage? Actually, I don't think we've ever been closer and better, and I think we're both really looking forward to having another go at the parenting thing.

 

The kids? Well, dd is super excited to have a baby in the house. She's already demanding lectures on the care and keeping of babies, and we've looked up all sorts of information about how babies grow and develop before they're born. She calls it my "cute little parasite", which is evidently a term of affection...lol. Ds is a little anxious about having a new sibling, but he gets anxious about everything. EVERYTHING. EVERY. THING. As I pointed out to him, though, he was nervous about getting the puppy, but now that he's "used to her" he absolutely adores her, and I think much the same will happen with a new baby. And he has a few months yet to adjust to the idea before we spring an actual baby on him. He is, however, hoping for a girl so that he won't have to share his room.

 

Goods, bads, pros, cons? I'm more tired this time around. But I also have more help. We'll be in our sixties when this baby is twenty. But we're also much more experienced at parenting than we were the first time around, and will very likely do a better job this time now that we have a clue what we're doing. The other moms I know who've had babies later in life tell me that they keep you young, and every one of them says she wouldn't have it any other way--even the one who had her "surprise" baby come along just when she had grand plans for world travel and career advancement that had to be put on hold. She says her youngest really pulls the whole family together and helped her sort out her priorities in a more healthy balance, and she doesn't know how she'd have managed without her.

 

I dunno. I'm excited. And a little nervous. But mostly excited.

[Canadianmumof5]

I had just turned 38 when Chunky was born. I am 40 next month so I am assuming he is our final baby :crying:

 

For the first year after he was born, I was convinced that we should have another one. Then for this last year, I said NO WAY NO HOW. We are done. DH agreed. But lately (after I just gave away all of my maternity clothes and piles of baby clothes/stuff), I'm feeling all broody again.

 

Speaking with my head - I am fine with just the 4 kiddos.

Speaking with my heart - I would love another.

[Ottakee]

Ours are all adopted:

 

We adopted the first one when I was 24 and dh was 29---ds was 7 1/2 at the time (so I was really only 17 and a junior in highschool when he was born).

 

Then 6 months later our now 16dd came at 8 months old and 6 months after that now 15dd came at 2 days old (they are full bio sisters).

 

So, basically, I had my first Aug. 1995, my second May 1996, and my 3rd. Dec. 1996. So my youngest was born when I was only 26 and dh was 31.

 

We are happy but also considering adopting again---likely a boy with special needs between 6-10 years old.....just thinking

[Lady Florida.]

I had my first and only 2 months before I turned 42. It wasn't the plan, but that's the way it worked out.

[OLG]

Late bloomer here...had my only child at 42. There are advantages to being older and having a child but the downside is if you want to have more kids and also the ugly combination of menopause and kids in puberty :D

[Dawn in Ohio]

I had my fifth and last baby at 34. I'm glad she is my last, but mostly because of the number of children I have, not because of my age.

 

I feel like I am a better parent now than I was when I was younger. I am more relaxed and patient. My husband and I have just thoroughly enjoyed our youngest two.

 

I have had more health problems with pregnancy as I've gotten older and I do think that is a legitimate concern.

[Singingmom]

I got married at 37, and had our boys at 38,40, and our last (biological, anyway) at 42.

 

I would have loved to have gotten married a few years earlier, and had another child or two! But, I didn't meet the right one till later...and he was worth the wait!

 

I was fortunate enough to have healthy pregnancies and children, so the transition into motherhood was not terribly difficult. I'm sure I would have had more energy and stamina if I had had them a decade sooner. But, I don't think I'd have had the patience or self-control that I have with them now, so it's a trade off.

 

Effect on our marriage? Well, wee've pretty much never been alone!! :) But, we have a very good relationship, that has gotten stronger these past 6 years. We just need to find a good babysitter!