Santa - to do it or not, and if you do how to handle it

[samuel's mama]

I am truly on the fence about this and struggle every year with each year getting harder as my little guy asks more questions. I don't want to take away the special wonder and excitement that I had growing up with Santa, but I remember being devastated when I learned Santa was not real, and so hurt that my mom and dad lied to me all of those years. A friend told me once that if we teach them that Santa (who they can't see) is real and they find out otherwise..how can we expect them to believe us that Jesus is real? Looking for thoughts and ideas on how other Christian parents handle the Santa thing. Last year we just spent much of this season talking to him about what Christmas is really about and celebrating Jesus and we downplayed Santa and when asked if he was real...we just avoiding the question, turning it back around to him asking, "what do you think?" Christmas morning the presents were under the tree and he asked where did these come from and we just smiled and left it to him to wonder and enjoy the excitement and mystery. Not sure how well this will go over this year (he is 4 now). Any ideas/thoughts from other parents who do Santa alternatively? No offense, but I am not interested in hearing from parents who go all out with it, because I'm pretty sure that we won't go that route. My boy is very sensitive and a lot like me when I was little, so I really want to do it a bit differently for his sake.. Thanks in advance.

[Tarreymere]

We don't do Santa, never have. Our kids know who their gifts are from. We don't buy a lot of gifts because we don't want to emphasize the value of material belongings. For our family, the holidays are about appreciating one another and reflecting on our values. And cookies. Lots and lots of cookies.

[newlifemom]

We have stockings and some wrapped presents, that don't fit in the stocking, from Santa. Never really pushed him. Never really didn't push him. If they asked, I told the kids that a real man once lived and that is where [at least partly] the traditions come from. I do not pretend he is really giving presents, but I don't have a problem with those who do. I just love stockings. :D

[Daisy]

We have never made it a big deal.

 

We don't receive gifts from Santa. We have other traditions that are more fun for us. For example, all our gifts are wrapped and put under the tree all month long but they are written in code. So the kids try to crack the code the entire month of December. Our 3 wise men travel all over the house until the arrive at the nativity on Three Kings Day, etc.

 

My kids know the story of Saint Nicholas, and the vast majority of our focus at Christmas time is on giving gifts to others because we are so very blessed by the Gift God gave to us.

 

And well, pretty much we sing Santa songs, put up Santa ornaments, watch Santa movies, and treat it like we do any other fun fairy tale.

 

I've always told my children not to say anything to other children about it because some families like to pretend Santa is real and we don't want to spoil their fun.

 

I try not to be too hard-nosed about it either way.

[melissel]

Before I had kids, I thought people who didn't were total Scrooges. Then I had kids and started the Santa thing, and totally regretted it (and I'm not religious at all). It felt terrible to intentionally lie to my kids on such a grand scale. DD8 started asking questions years ago and apparently figured it all out awhile back but played along because she thought it was fun. I told her the truth this year and was shocked when she told me she already knew! Not long after, DD5 asked and asked her if she wanted to know the real truth. She said yes, and I explained why we told her what we did about Santa, and she was totally fine with it. I'm so relieved, and no one is heartbroken or disappointed.

 

So, knowing what I know now and seeing how you feel about it, when your little guy asks you, I'd say tell him the truth as gently as possible and explain how it's a fun Christmas game some parents play with their kids, and that he'll still get presents and have the exact same Christmas fun as he always did, and that you can all still play the Santa game if he wants--that lots of people do.

 

(Disclaimer: I have no problem with people who do Santa with their kids. I totally get it. I was surprised that I was so uncomfortable with it! But for me, I just wasn't happy that we'd done it, so I'm glad to not have to anymore. I stress emphatically to my kids that they are not under any circumstances to reveal anything about Santa's reality or lack thereof to other children, just in case!)

[Annie]

We haven't gotten there yet since our little one is still a baby, but we won't be doing the Santa is real thing. It isn't a religious thing for us, but neither my husband nor I have wonderful Santa memories, and we don't think it's worth the potential pain. We can make Christmas wonderful in other ways.

[momofkhm]

Although truthfully, I never had an issue with it.

 

But I digress. We never made a big deal out of Santa. Like someone else said, we treat him like a character. Do you allow your child to watch Mickey Mouse? Then let him watch Santa Claus shows. We even did pictures with Santa when he came to the girls' preschool. But never at the mall. No gifts from Santa. My kids always knew Santa wasn't real. But like someone else said, I counseled my kids not to tell any of their friends.

 

It's never been an issue. The common question for kids right after Christmas is "what did Santa bring you?" They answered "We don't do Santa." Just like in October "We don't do Halloween."

[kokotg]

Honestly, I'm a lot less conflicted NOW about Santa than I was when my kids were littler. I think actually watching them grow up and seeing how they process information about fantasy vs. reality and all that has done away with all the fears about doing the wrong thing I had when they were little. Santa is a relatively minor part of our Christmas, but he is there. I've never been invested in prolonging the kids' belief in Santa. I do the "what do you think?" thing when they ask questions. At this point, I think my 9 and 7 year olds are both at the point where they don't really believe, but don't quite want to let the story go completely. My five year old, cynical beyond his years because of his two big brothers, is wrestling with it more actively this year. The other day he told me, "I do believe in Santa, but not too much."

 

It's pretty clear to me from watching my kids that learning to distinguish fantasy from reality is very much a developmental thing. When my middle DS was 4 and 5, he would get very upset if you tried to tell him that Superman wasn't real. He's seven now, and it's only been a few months since the last time he said, "I don't know yet if I'm a wizard. I guess I'll find out when I'm 11." Basically, I think the line between fantasy and reality is much blurrier for kids than for adults. It just sort of...doesn't matter as much to them. So I see my five year old existing very comfortably in a space where he can sort of believe Santa is real and sort of not. It doesn't bother him. I try to honor that process for them. I put the Santa story out there, because it's fun, but I'm ready to answer questions when they need me to. When "what do you think?" doesn't cut it anymore, I'll tell them what they want to know.

[athena1277]

We totally do Santa. To me it's part of the magic of childhood. My parents went to great lengths to keep my brother and me believing. I would not change that if I could. I was not angry when I found out. I was a bit disappointed, however, because the magic was gone. Part of the fun and excitement didn't exist any more.

[lynn]

I always told my kids when they started asking questions that they can make Santa whatever they want it to be. If they are convinced that mom and dad put presents under the tree for Christmas morning then that's fine and if they choose for "magic" of it all and Santa comes and puts the gifts under the tree then that's fine also. It never was an major issue. They were never hurt or disappointed by knowing, not knowing whatever. The older kids always play along with whatever the younger ones think of Santa.

[Wheres Toto]

We do Santa but we don't really make a big deal out of him - they get gifts from Santa, Mom & Dad, Grandparents, etc. No threats of "behave or coal in your stocking". My oldest loved Santa and believed for a long time despite her dad actually being one of "Santa Helpers". My mother always told us "Santa comes for those who believe in him. I've never known any kids traumatized by the Santa game.

 

I also think kokotg is right and fantasy/reality is a whole different thing to children.

 

Hey, just realized I broke 1,000 posts.

[Chris in VA]

We told the story of St. Nicholas to explain where Santa came from. We never did the whole Santa comes to your house bit, but we certainly introduced him as a fun character, and the kids knew the story.

I think kids need to be culturally aware--Santa and elves, Rudolph and, by extention, Frosty the Snowman, are all part of the American culture. It's fun! But my kids knew he wasn't real.

We felt the Incarnation was enough of a miracle.

 

There are some threads that deal with your question in more detail.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I am truly on the fence about this and struggle every year with each year getting harder as my little guy asks more questions. I don't want to take away the special wonder and excitement that I had growing up with Santa' date=' but I remember being devastated when I learned Santa was not real, and so hurt that my mom and dad lied to me all of those years. A friend told me once that if we teach them that Santa (who they can't see) is real and they find out otherwise..how can we expect them to believe us that Jesus is real? Looking for thoughts and ideas on how other Christian parents handle the Santa thing. Last year we just spent much of this season talking to him about what Christmas is really about and celebrating Jesus and we downplayed Santa and when asked if he was real...we just avoiding the question, turning it back around to him asking, "what do you think?" Christmas morning the presents were under the tree and he asked where did these come from and we just smiled and left it to him to wonder and enjoy the excitement and mystery. Not sure how well this will go over this year (he is 4 now). Any ideas/thoughts from other parents who do Santa alternatively? No offense, but I am not interested in hearing from parents who go all out with it, because I'm pretty sure that we won't go that route. My boy is very sensitive and a lot like me when I was little, so I really want to do it a bit differently for his sake.. Thanks in advance.[/quote']

 

 

We have always handled it exactly the way you have! I just always ask, "What do you think?" It was interesting to see the changes from year to year. As they got older, they'd think about it some more, and I'd watch as they'd decide to believe (like the gears were turning, thinking that if they stop believing, they may not get any of those special unwrapped/unlabeled presents). As they got older (they're 13 and 14 now), they announced that they knew the truth, and that they'd actually known for a long time, but were just playing along. It was like they were part of the big conspiracy, the grown-up conspiracy, and they liked it. I never lied to them, and they got to be in control of their own Christmas magic.

 

FWIW, my son, at 4yo, had his *most* magical Santa experience when he was 4yo. We were driving through one of "those" neighborhoods, the ones in which every single house is decorated to the hilt. It was beautiful and magical. In front of one of the houses was a guy in a Santa suit, handing out little candy canes through the car windows. My sweet little son saw Santa, surrounded by the lights and other decorations of the neighborhood, and was awestruck! His mouth dropped open and his eyes were like saucers. It was precious! The elf with Santa even commented, "Look at his face!" I had almost told him that day that there was no such thing as Santa, but I'm so glad I didn't. I let him believe he had seen Santa. I treasure that memory. :)

 

Now that he's the big brother to his 5yo sister, he's in on the conspiracy. Last year, he played up the lie, and taught her the whole Santa thing. This year, I asked him not to, and explained how I didn't want us to lie to her, but to let her believe what she wanted. So, we're going that route again. She hasn't asked yet if he's real, but she will someday. I'll just turn it around, and ask, "What do you think?"

[silliness7]

We don't "do" Santa here for similar reasons that you mentioned. We don't ban Santa either. We watch Santa movies and have some decorations with Santa and Rudolph. We've talked about the real St. Nicholas and how the whole Santa thing came about. Our dc each get 3 presents from us at Christmas to represent the 3 presents from the wisemen and they know this.

 

Despite ALL of that they still like to pretend that they "believe" in Santa. I have no problem with that and I don't poo-poo on their fun. If they ask me a question I tell it to them straight but then they will go right on ahead with their little make-believe as if they know better than the stodgy old grown-ups. So they get to have a little fun with the magic of Santa without me having to perpetrate a big lie. It's a win-win.

[samuel's mama]

Wow, this is so extremely helpful to me and I just want to thank everyone for their time and for sharing what you all do in your homes. :grouphug:I would love to hear more if others are interested in sharing. And I might do a another search to see if I can find those threads you talk of (Chris in VA)..thanks for telling me.

 

kokotg... your explanation of fantasy versus reality and honoring that process with your kids was SO awesome to read. It was a good reminder for me to honor where my son is at and to not try and control it too much. :)

 

melissel- Thank you for sharing your similar feelings about not feeling good about lying..that is the part that is hard for me as that is what was traumatizing for me as a kid. My sister was just fine with it..and I wasn't, so I think personality of the child plays a big part in how kids react to it. And since he is a lot like me, I know for sure that we will not ever play it up. I guess even if he wasn't, I think I would still feel the way I do about directly lying and playing it up, but that is just me. Every parent does what they think is best for their family and even for each individual child. I judge no one on here for choosing differently and appreciate everyone sharing so much.

 

Still pondering ideas..but for now, going to stick with the "What do you think?" as well as focusing on our values and what we want to teach him about Christmas, Jesus, being grateful, giving, etc. And after reading all of this, I hope we can also create wonder and excitement through our own family traditions. (Daisy - Christmas sounds like a blast at your house :)

 

I would love to hear more ideas of other families special traditions, if anyone else would like to share. :001_smile:

 

Thank you again to everyone who took time out of your day to post a response to me. I have been really struggling with this and hearing from all of you is so helpful.

[EarleneW]

We totally do Santa. To me it's part of the magic of childhood. My parents went to great lengths to keep my brother and me believing. I would not change that if I could. I was not angry when I found out. I was a bit disappointed, however, because the magic was gone. Part of the fun and excitement didn't exist any more.

 

 

I totally agree. It's just part of the magic of the holiday. My kids know the real meaning too.

[EthiopianFood]

We totally do Santa. To me it's part of the magic of childhood. My parents went to great lengths to keep my brother and me believing. I would not change that if I could. I was not angry when I found out. I was a bit disappointed, however, because the magic was gone. Part of the fun and excitement didn't exist any more.

 

This isn't in response to this particular poster, but it shows exactly why we don't do Santa. Why make the magic of Christmas be about something that can't last? I never believed in Santa growing up, but it has ALWAYS been my favorite holiday. It's magical because it's like no other time of the year! The decorations! The treats! The tree! The gifts! Christmas specials on tv! Everyone is happy! I never had to lose that, because it was all based in reality. I really feel like, if Christmas isn't exciting and special to your kids unless you lie to them, you're doing Christmas wrong.

[samuel's mama]

Suzanne - Wow. Thank you. Your post was SO awesome to read. Made me want to have more kids too. :) I love the idea of letting kids create their own Christmas magic and being there to watch them think through it and see it all change and unfold over the years. Sounds like great fun for everyone, with no heartache in the end.

[akmommy]

Well i'm not christian, but heres what we did. We never told our kids Santa was real and never did mall santas or Christmas gatherings where a Santa would be, but we did allow them to believe until they started questioning it. The from part of the tags on the gifts that "magically" appeared while they were sleeping was left blank. We did similar with other childhood myths (Easter bunny and such). Some where between 6-8 I'd say, they just no longer believed. I'm sure it helped that i was never good with secrets and always seemed to say at least one thing every christmas morning that would give it away if they were listening.:tongue_smilie:

 

When my oldest was 6 she came right out and asked me if I believed in Santa. I told her no that I did not believe in a man called Santa, but I did believe in the "spirit" of Santa and what that represented: generosity, compassion, and kindness. The other two just kind of out grew it without even asking the question. Anyway this is how we handled it and none of them seemed traumatized to discover the truth.

 

ETA: we did and do watch the Christmas specials, sing the songs, and read the books that include Santa. In fact reading "the Night Before Christmas" with hot coacoa and cookies is a christmas eve tradition my kids still look forward to every year. We just didn't want to cross the line between allowing the belief and actually lying.

Edited December 1, 2010 by akmommy

[twoxcell]

We do not play Santa. The kids know he is a pretend character, and enjoy watching cartoons about him. Christmas is a very important time for our family, and we make it special by focusing on Jesus. This year we are doing an Advent wreath, reading Jotham's Journey, and doing are advent calendar which contains candy, and a daily activity. I also bought a book about St. Nicholas that we will be reading on Dec. 6th. I'm trying to teach my kids about the miracle of Jesus birth, and about giving. We do put their gifts out on Christmas Eve when they are asleep, but they know they are from us. I do not think we are missing out on anything, we all have a blast celebrating.

[myfunnybunch]

We do Santa. Not all-out, go to any lengths to keep them believing. For our family, Santa is just a sweet game. Three of my five now know that there isn't an actual bearded guy in a red suit squeezing down the chimney in the middle of the night; the other two still believe.

 

My children, the ones who know, weren't disillusioned, nor did they have trust issues over Santa. Maybe because we let them choose to believe or not. My dd with autism believed until she was 14 even though I told her flat out starting the year she was 11; my 7 y.o. is a questioner and has probably figured it out but still "believes" because he loves Santa. We always asked "What do you think?" too. Eventually, each big kid has said one year, "I think it might be you and Dad." Then we talk a little about how much fun it's been to wait for Santa, that it's a little disappointing to realize he's not a physical being (this has been important to talk about for all three), and how Santa represents the spirit of Christmas joy and generosity. It's always a little bittersweet for me, this transition from fantasy and belief to a more mature understanding of Santa. They grow up so fast--weren't they just tiny ones trying to play with the tree only yesterday??

 

One ritual we have that seems to help my children enjoy this new discovery is getting to help play Santa: Stay up late, fill stockings and set out the Santa presents, eat a cookie, leave a thank you note by the cookie plate.

 

If you are uncomfortable, don't play because he will sense it and be confused. If you love it, keep it up and enjoy. Your relationship of trust with your child has so much more to do with the everyday than it does with a Christmas game. :)

 

Cat

[melissel]

melissel- Thank you for sharing your similar feelings about not feeling good about lying..that is the part that is hard for me as that is what was traumatizing for me as a kid. My sister was just fine with it..and I wasn't' date=' so I think personality of the child plays a big part in how kids react to it. And since he is a lot like me, I know for sure that we will not ever play it up. I guess even if he wasn't, I think I would still feel the way I do about directly lying and playing it up, but that is just me. Every parent does what they think is best for their family and even for each individual child. I judge no one on here for choosing differently and appreciate everyone sharing so much. [/quote']

 

You know, I didn't read your original post carefully enough, so I'm glad you took my response with a grain of salt. I thought you were asking about whether to extricate yourself from the whole thing now or keep it going!

 

I was one who was a little traumatized when I found out about Santa, but I found out at the lunch table at school and was apparently the only kid who didn't know the truth about Santa, so I felt pretty stupid :glare: No one even made fun of me, I just felt like my parents had tricked me. I'm sure that plays a big part in it too. I also think that part of our experience is that because we're not Christian (well, DH is, but not very actively), Santa plays a bigger role than anything else at Christmas, no matter how much we tried to downplay it. We even said that Santa only fills the stockings, the big presents are from us, etc., and they still got crazy excited every year over making Santa lists and "Santa's bringing me...!" and "I can ask Santa for every toy on the planet!" etc. No matter how many times I told them Santa only fills the stockings, somehow they still thought Santa put every toy under the tree. So in spite of our best efforts, Santa blew up pretty big *sigh*

 

But like I said, I don't think no one should do Santa, at all! I wish I had it in me to do it better, I guess. But I just couldn't. The girls are still pretty excited about Christmas though--now it's about baking cookies and picking gifts off the Angel Trees we find and visiting family and decorating. I'm relieved it turned out well in spite of some of the magic going missing. And I'm sure that whatever you choose to do will be magical for your little guy :D

[Ellie]

No Santa in our house, exactly because of experiences like yours (even though neither Mr. Ellie nor I had that same experience). I figured there were so many things I could screw up accidentally that I wasn't going to take the chance of doing something on purpose that could screw up my kids. :lol:

 

We always did the whole Christmas thing--a tree, gifts, stockings. We told our dc that some people did Santa because it was fun, but that we didn't, and when they were older we warned them not to say anything to other children 'cuz their parents were having fun pretending.

 

We also didn't think it was necessary to do Santa to make Christmas special; it's Jesus' birthday, which is special enough (which begs the question as to why we did the tree and everything!).

[JenC3]

We don't over emphasize him. It;s mostly about St. Nick and they only get a few thing in a stocking from "Santa." We do not do big presents or anything since what if one day we couldn't. This year we are starting so many other fun traditions that I believe Santa will be an after thought. Actually they get excited about the cookies disappearing!

[Mekanamom]

We do Santa... I have always explained to the kids that Santa/St. Nick/Father Christmas is made up of the holiday spirit... Which comes from the people celebrating the holidays. :). They caught on to that abstract idea pretty well. Of course the holiday spirit is real... Therefore, so is Santa. The holiday spirit is not a *person*, therefore, neither is Santa.

[Susan in KY]

We always talked about Saint Nicholas instead of calling him Santa. We explained how St. Nick was a real guy, and how he did a lot of good with his wealth and was a very giving man. Then we explained that we play the "St Nicholas game." We always called it that, so they knew it was a game and they still got to have fun. Perhaps the real story of St Nick would be a great place to begin for you. I don't think our kids have suffered from knowing the true story all these years, or from playing the game. :) Hope that helps a little.

[babysparkler]

We also didn't think it was necessary to do Santa to make Christmas special; it's Jesus' birthday, which is special enough (which begs the question as to why we did the tree and everything!).

 

Same here... we have a great big birthday celebration... birthday cake for breakfast:D (with candles for the kids to "help" blow out), gifts under the tree for Jesus (and He shares his wealth with his children so they get to keep them here on earth). The tree... well, it reminds us that Jesus was born in a stable outside and it is a symbol of us bringing Him into our home.

 

When the kids have asked in the past about Santa, we explain that some people like to remember a man named St. Nicholas who gave gifts to people who needed them as the Wise Men did to honor Jesus' birth on Christmas morning... and their way of doing this is to pretend to be this St. Nicholas (who has long since passed away) and give in the same loving and generous spirit, in a sense, keeping him "alive" as the figure of Santa. This helps them play along when it comes up with cousins, without spoiling it for them.

[Brenda in FL]

It sounds like you really don't want to do the Santa thing and that's how I'll answer. We never taught our children to believe in Santa (however, when our youngest was 5 we spent Christmas with all the cousins and the SILs played up Santa so much - that he now "believes!" - more on that later!)

 

This year I would answer your child truthfully when he asks questions as opposed to turning it back to him. You could start by reading a picture book of the real Saint Nicholas and talk about how that evolved in the tradition of Santa Claus and the giving of gifts. We started from the very beginning so we never came out and had to say "There is no Santa Claus." Perhaps you won't either unless he asks point blank. Be sure to let him know not to tell other children that do believe he is real. We never had a problem with our children in this - although I would remind them before we met with families that this could possibly come up! In the above mentioned Christmas - they all pretended to believe for the sake of their cousins. - My kids had fun with that! The youngest - maybe a bit too much fun!!

 

You can still keep all of the magic of Christmas. At our house the presents show up under the tree on Christmas morning - they are not labeled as to the giver. They always get chocolate coins in their stocking in reflection of Saint Nicholas' gift. We still read the traditional stories about Santa Claus and watch the TV shows, etc.

 

My youngest child however - for whatever reason chose to believe in Santa Claus instead of believing his parents!! We kind of play along with him, because it is so cute, and I think at this point (he's turning 8) it's just a fun game for him. But we were always truthful about Santa with him - even if he said, "I don't think I believe you." But he is a very imaginative kid and quite different from the older two!!

 

BTW: I don't take much stock in the argument that kids won't believe you about God or Jesus if we teach them to believe in Santa and then they find out its not real. I can understand that some parents may want to justify their personal conviction with that reason - but I don't think you should be influenced by those decisions unless you were challenged in that way yourself as a child. (What age were you when you discovered there was no Santa? Were you older and the only child who still believed their parent's story of Santa? Maybe the simple thing to do is just make sure that the child is told before he gets too old?)

Edited December 1, 2010 by Brenda in FL
added BTW

[Tree House Academy]

My older son found out Santa was not real when he was 7 and he has never questioned Jesus. I did, though, when I was a kid and found out. My youngest son is 7 now and I am not sure if we are going to tell him or not. I think we will do one more year with Santa, break the news about the Easter Bunny just before Easter and be done with it all.

[LostSurprise]

I remember being embarrassed, and a bit disappointed, about the Santa thing. Disappointed that my parents felt they should lie to me because my trust and wonder were 'cute.' The older I get the less I understand why adults use children this way. The wonder is beautiful, but not enough for me to manufacture things...I would much rather work twice as hard to find some thing real that they can wonder at all their lives. That's part of my job as a mother.

 

We travel the middle of this road. I don't have a problem with Santa, he was a real person who represented a good thing. Personally I would rather support the thing he represented then the magical concept of getting things, so we read a lot of stories and we talk about the 'game' Santa parents play with their kids (just like the game Tooth Fairy). None of the kids wants to ruin it for others. Gramma can give Santa gifts. We can all pretend one minute and joke knowingly with each other and talk about what Nicolas really stood for another. We're comfortable.

[abbeyej]

We have never pretended Santa was "real" -- but we've also enjoyed playing the "game". It seems to be a good balance for us.

 

We do celebrate St Nicholas day, and we read stories and legends based on the real St Nicholas and talk about how those stories have evolved into Santa Claus. We have a special meal that includes discussion of doing good deeds and acts of kindness not for recognition or thanks and praise, but for the inherent good of helping someone else, of being generous and charitable. The kids usually get a small handful of chocolate coins or international coins or perhaps some small gift like a hand-knitted cap or new slippers tucked into their shoes during the meal.

 

On Christmas, we have stockings, but we have never pretended that Santa fills them. In fact, my kids talk more about Santa now that they're older than they ever did when they were small. But it's always said with a smile and a twinkle in their eyes. And they will often whisper to me a suggestion for their own stockings or, and this is far better, what to put in the other one's stocking. Or they'll bring me something and suggest it gets slipped into to the other child's stocking.

 

I really just couldn't *lie* to my kids about Santa. It made me very, very uncomfortable. I want them to know I won't pretend that something is the truth when it isn't. That said, they're perfectly capable of recognizing the difference between "truth" and "fiction" and "a fun game we choose to be in on together".

 

My kids do know who their presents are from. 'Cause if it doesn't say on the label, it's from Mom and Dad. ... Now that they're older, dh occasionally puts something silly on the tag: "Lounge Santa" might give someone a particularly fuzzy cozy somethingorother. But we didn't write "Santa" on tags when the kids were little -- we just left some blank and gave knowing smiles when they asked who had left them. ;)

[DianeW88]

We go all out and then some!! We have St. Nicholas visit on Dec. 6th and leave candy in their shoes (gold chocolate coins are a must), plus a Christmas book, a DVD, and one small present.

 

Then the big man in red comes on Christmas Eve and leaves a toy store under the tree for Christmas morning.

 

We love Santa. No problems, no worries. My older kids (20 and 17) had NO problem when they learned he wasn't for real. They told me they would have been furious with me if I had cheated them out of that magical time in their life. They look back with only fond memories. My youngest is 9 and he is asking questions, but we let him take the lead. I tell him that I still believe in Santa (and I do) and he's very comfortable. I'm sure he knows he's not real, but he still loves the fun and magic that Santa brings to the holiday.

 

Having said that, we are religious, and every evening we have an advent celebration with appropriate religious stories, activities, etc., to remember the real meaning of the season. And, honestly, my kids have no confusion with the reality of Christ and the magic of Santa. It wasn't. even. an. issue.

 

Our Christmas is a blend of as many traditions as I can cram in. :lol: It works beautifully for us and I wouldn't change a thing. Santa is a big part of our holiday and part of the joy of childhood. I would never think of stealing that away from my kids.

 

BTW....I never thought my parents "lied" to me about Santa. I just felt sorry for all the other kids whose parents wouldn't allow their kids to believe. I felt like they had deprived their kids of something truly special.

[Garga]

This is a personal decision. Those who do Santa and those who don't do Santa can get kind of heated up at each other about it.

 

With that said, we don't do Santa and here's why:

 

I, personally, know too many people who were terribly hurt when they found out Santa wasn't real. It's very confusing to a child, because EVERYONE goes along with it. Clerks in stores, grandparents, all the TV shows, Santa in the mall. I mean, people go to great lengths to convince children that Santa is real. And then to find out that ALL of it was just a huge set up?

 

I, personally, wasn't all that upset as a kid, but (as I said before) I knew a lot of kids who were. And you can see why, since it's something that EVERYONE pretends is real. How is a kid supposed to know that all the TV Christmas movies, and Every.Single.Person that they meet is lying to them? They're going to believe, hook, line, and sinker.

 

I didn't want to deal with it if my kids were the sort who would feel betrayed when they found out the truth. A few years ago, when I told my oldest (just kidding around) that I had eyes in the back of my head, and he found out I didn't, he was veeeery upset. He looked at me shocked and said, "You lied!" I tried to tell him that "eyes in the back of your head" isn't literal, but he didn't understand.

 

 

Soooooo...with all that said, our family made the decision NOT to tell our kids that Santa is real.

 

HOWEVER, we still pretend he is. We ALL know it's pretend. We set out cookies for Santa, and I say, "Oh boy! Santa will love those!" and the kids say, "You're really eating them aren't you?" and I'll say, "Yes...I mean, noooo. It's Santa who will eat them!" wink wink, nudge nudge. Then in the morning I'll say, "I loved those cookies....I mean, Santa loved those cookies...."

 

Pretending to do the Santa stuff also solves the problem of "will they tell their friends?" If my 5 yo has friends who talk about Santa, 5 yo can join in, thinking they're just pretending like we do. He doesn't have to know that the other children believe it's a fact.

[Catwoman]

We still do Santa, and ds is almost 11!

 

Ok, so I'm pretty sure he secretly suspects that things are not as they appear, but in our house, if you don't believe in Santa, he doesn't bring you any presents. Hey, sure, you'll still get some stuff from Mom and Dad, but not getting gifts from Santa would cut way down on the mother lode, and ds (being no fool) will probably continue to play along for years to come.

 

We've always gone all-out for Christmas, and Santa has been a huge part of the fun. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I don't think I'd worry too much that I was betraying a 4 year-old by lying to him about Santa.

 

Cat

[Brenda in FL]

BTW: I don't take much stock in the argument that kids won't believe you about God or Jesus if we teach them to believe in Santa and then they find out its not real. I can understand that some parents may want to justify their personal conviction with that reason - but I don't think you should be influenced by those decisions unless you were challenged in that way yourself as a child. (What age were you when you discovered there was no Santa? Were you older and the only child who still believed their parent's story of Santa? Maybe the simple thing to do is just make sure that the child is told before he gets too old?)

 

I don't know if this was in response to my post...

 

But I do want to say the story of my sister questioning my mother about if Jesus was real, is a true story. Apparently, she hasn't been the only child to ever question it. It really depends on the child if they will question you about God after finding out Santa isn't real. As far as parents trying to "justify it because of this reason"... I'm not naive enough to think that it doesn't happen just because that wasn't how I reacted to it.

 

My previous post (or this one) wasn't intended as an argument for or against Santa. I was simply thanking another poster for helping me to find a balance that is right for our family in our own home. Hope that makes sense... :)

 

Jennifer - I'm so sorry - but I didn't read your post - I only mentioned it in mine because the OP had heard this from her acquaintances. In fact - if I had read your response I would not have mentioned it in mine. Please accept my apologies.

[Heather in Neverland]

We go all out and then some!! We have St. Nicholas visit on Dec. 6th and leave candy in their shoes (gold chocolate coins are a must), plus a Christmas book, a DVD, and one small present.

 

Then the big man in red comes on Christmas Eve and leaves a toy store under the tree for Christmas morning.

 

We love Santa. No problems, no worries. My older kids (20 and 17) had NO problem when they learned he wasn't for real. They told me they would have been furious with me if I had cheated them out of that magical time in their life. They look back with only fond memories. My youngest is 9 and he is asking questions, but we let him take the lead. I tell him that I still believe in Santa (and I do) and he's very comfortable. I'm sure he knows he's not real, but he still loves the fun and magic that Santa brings to the holiday.

 

Having said that, we are religious, and every evening we have an advent celebration with appropriate religious stories, activities, etc., to remember the real meaning of the season. And, honestly, my kids have no confusion with the reality of Christ and the magic of Santa. It wasn't. even. an. issue.

 

Our Christmas is a blend of as many traditions as I can cram in. :lol: It works beautifully for us and I wouldn't change a thing. Santa is a big part of our holiday and part of the joy of childhood. I would never think of stealing that away from my kids.

 

BTW....I never thought my parents "lied" to me about Santa. I just felt sorry for all the other kids whose parents wouldn't allow their kids to believe. I felt like they had deprived their kids of something truly special.

 

DITTO DITTO AND DITTO

 

we LOVE santa!!! I never hated my parents for "lying" to me. In fact, my mom still signs all her gifts to me "from Santa". It's a hoot! And we do all the advent stuff too. The more traditions the better! :D

[Little Nyssa]

I always tell DC

"Santa Claus is a fun game that we and lots of other people play at Christmastime. When we give presents we remember St Nicholas, who gave gifts to people who were poor, and he gave them secretly so they would not know it was him. We especially remember Jesus, who was God's biggest present for us."

When they see someone dressed as Santa, I say "Look! there's someone playing the Santa game."

But we don't ever do the sit-on-Santa's-lap-at-the-mall thing. I have never seen the point of that. And I don't label gifts "from Santa".

DC respond well to this. I like this approach because I don't feel that I am fooling them into something, yet we get to preserve some of the magic and fun, WHILE STILL underlining our fundamental beliefs.

They both love & are excited by Christmas. DS even loves to help put out the presents under the tree.

Just today DS6 observed a discussion between his art teacher and some other homeschoolers. The teacher was saying she believed in Santa but the kids were saying they did not. DS just observed. Afterward I asked him what he thought of it the conversation. He said "Last year I was Santa! I helped you!"

Every so often DC will ask if Santa is real, and I just repeat: "Santa is a fun game we play at Christmastime etc" I know they get it, since I have heard DS6 explaining this verbatim to DD4.

[Imprimis]

DITTO DITTO AND DITTO

 

we LOVE santa!!! I never hated my parents for "lying" to me. In fact, my mom still signs all her gifts to me "from Santa". It's a hoot! And we do all the advent stuff too. The more traditions the better! :D

 

Another DITTO here. We love incorporating different traditions, and Santa is a favorite.

 

I have such wonderful, warm memories of Christmas from my childhood. My mom really created Christmas "magic" for me and I strive to do the same for my family.

 

We enjoy all the Christmas season has to offer!

[Starr]

We love Santa, St. Nicholas, Santa Lucia, Advent, Church, prayer, movable Nativity sets, Christmas Pageants, Lessons and Carols, cookies, making cards and wrapping paper...Santa was never a problem for me, my dh or my children.

[samuel's mama]

Thanks to everyone for more responses. I haven't had time to read them all yet, but I will! And just want to say again...no offense, but please no advice from people who go all out with Santa. I really don't want this thread to be about bashing people who choose to not do Santa. We as parents do things the way that we feel is best for our children. Magic and wonder for one family can be completely different for another family. Just as food choices, the way you live, etc. I really am looking for ideas of how people minimize the lying surrounding Santa and or other traditions parents use that create magic, wonder, and excitement for their families during Christmas. So if anyone else has ideas to share on that, I would greatly appreciate it. :)

[ktgrok]

A wonderful friend of mine taught me to say "well, do you think he is real?" and leave it at that. Personally I was NOT devastated to learn the truth of Santa, I instead was very grateful for the time I did believe. And it never shook my faith in God at all. I think the fact that when the time came and I no longer believed she enlisted my help in keeping Santa alive for my sister made a huge difference. Instead of being sad I didn't believe, or that I'd been "lied" to, I was thrilled that I was now big enough to help the grown ups suprise my sister.

[creekmom]

I'm with James Dobson on this topic...

 

 

 

James Dobson: "I don't believe that those early, early fantasies really interfere with later Spiritual beliefs. I haven't seen any evidence of that, either in the life of my kids or in the lives of those I have had anything to do with. To allow a little bit of fantasy in a child's life enriches his intellectual life and I think he needs it. Children thrive on fantasy. It enriches our mental existence. Reality can be a pretty cold and hard place. I think children need the fantasy that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and other childhood mythical creatures bring.

[K-FL]

. Like someone else said, we treat him like a character. Do you allow your child to watch Mickey Mouse? Then let him watch Santa Claus shows. . . But like someone else said, I counseled my kids not to tell any of their friends.

 

 

 

We talked about St. Nick and how they'd see Santas everywhere just like they'd see Mickeys. We did (do) stockings and laid-out, unwrapped gifts, but my dc actually appreciate that we didn't do the whole "he's real" thing esp. since my dd have seen the anxiousness in the dc they b'sit for over the whole issue.

 

BTW: When dd#2 was about 3, she piped up with, "There was a Santa Clause, but he's dead!" We were so glad she wasn't in a pre-school and announced that to the whole class!

[musicianmom]

I have a real gripe with that Dobson quote.

 

Yes, absolutely, children need fantasy in their lives. My kids are knee-deep in fantasy all day every day. I would never discourage that. HOWEVER, the fantasy is of their own making. It is not imposed on them by me, the parent, the one who's supposed to be completely trustworthy.

 

If I tell them that something is true, then it is no longer a fantasy for them. It is part of their reality. It's not magic for them anymore, it's dead serious. They are naive, they are innocent, they believe what I tell them. I'm not going to take advantage of that just because it's "cute" and because I get some sort of thrill from seeing their "wonder and amazement", blah blah blah.

 

This is a hot-button issue for me, and it has been ever since I figured out the truth about Santa. I was one of those kids who got angry. I was insulted on behalf of myself and all the other kids. I felt like the entire adult world was laughing up their sleeves at all the dumb little kids who fell for the charade. Thankfully, because my parents had never lied to me, my anger did not extend to them. My parents took me to see Santa, kept quiet when I talked about him (I picked up my belief from other kids at daycare and school), let me think it was real, but they never told me he was real. When I started asking questions, they were honest with me. I think it would have damaged our relationship had they played it up big and then yanked the rug out from under me.

 

My oldest dd is sort of into Santa this year. She likes to talk about him, and I wasn't sure if she believed or not. But yesterday she told me that she knows Santa isn't really real. I told her she was right, but that's just our family secret. Because really, I don't want her to be the kid who makes the other parents mad at her.

[lisabelle]

We do Santa. Ds is 11 now and he *has* to know that we are Santa. Right?

In our house Santa has always gotten ds the things that mom and dad disapprove of, so that's part of the fun. Ds wants a Nerf gun? Mom won't get it (you'll shoot your eye out!), but Santa will. Video game? Mom says, "Ugh. You need to spend more time reading. And video games are too expensive." But Santa comes along and undermines me. I'm pretty sure ds knows that Santa is the part of me that's a little more...fun-loving...and is afraid that if he acknowledges that Santa is me, that part of me will go away. So I'll keep playing along.

[Catwoman]

...no offense' date=' but please no advice from people who go all out with Santa. I really don't want this thread to be about bashing people who choose to not do Santa. We as parents do things the way that we feel is best for our children. [/quote']

 

Sorry. I was one of the people who posted that we go all-out with Santa, and I think I can safely speak for most of us when I say that we didn't intend to come across as bashing anyone who chooses to do things differently. We posted what is fun for our own families, but I didn't get a sense that anyone was being critical of those who prefer that their Christmases be Santa-free.

 

If anyone got that message from my post, I apologize.

 

Cat

[athomemom]

I don't have time right now to read all of the post. Let me start by saying that I grew up in a very strict household and did NOT participate in Santa. I always knew it was my parents, and I always wanted to hide at Christmas time when someone asked me what Santa was bringing me.

 

My boys believed in Santa. They were angry with me when they found out. But it was dh and I who told them the truth. Of course, when they were little we always responded with the typical, "What do you believe?" But when they were older and really wanted to know the truth we told them.

 

Now, they look back and have told me they wish that they still believed and that they had so much fun. They know the real reason we celebrate Christmas. For us Santa didn't take that away. It's all a personal issue, I guess. But I wouldn't trade the fun I had with my boys for anything!

[Sherry in OH]

We tell our children that Santa is a game that some people like to play at Christmas. When people give anonymous gifts, they are playing Santa. My children like to pretend they are animals, train conductors, pilots, etc. Someone pretending to be Santa is just more make believe. (We do encourage them not to spoil other people's game.)

 

We read stories about Santa and see him at Christmas activities. Our children are not forced to sit on Santa's lap, nor are they forbidden to do so. Santa, however, does not visit our house. All gifts under the tree are from people who know and love us. Mommy and daddy fill the stockings.

 

Honesty, with two grandmas, Santa would be redundant.

[Matryoshka]

Haven't read all the responses, but we did (and do) Santa, but never made it a big deal. They get stockings and one present, that's it.

 

When they asked if Santa's real, I used a phrase I learned in Waldorf - "Hmmm - what do you think?" Yes, evasive. But I never once lied. As they got older, I'd add a wink and a twinkle. Sometimes they'd say "Mom, I know you're Santa!" I'd say "Really? Wow, I've lost weight!" or "where's my beard gone?!"- or some such silly thing. By that time they knew it wasn't real, but they didn't *know*. They all know now, but "Santa" still fills the stockings. :tongue_smilie:

 

For the couple of years that they were unsure, they had great fun trying to "catch" us. Same thing for the tooth fairy. :D

 

There is a way to have the magic and not lie to your kids...

[Julie in AZ]

We have never made it a big deal.

 

We don't receive gifts from Santa. We have other traditions that are more fun for us. For example, all our gifts are wrapped and put under the tree all month long but they are written in code. So the kids try to crack the code the entire month of December. Our 3 wise men travel all over the house until the arrive at the nativity on Three Kings Day, etc.

 

My kids know the story of Saint Nicholas, and the vast majority of our focus at Christmas time is on giving gifts to others because we are so very blessed by the Gift God gave to us.

 

And well, pretty much we sing Santa songs, put up Santa ornaments, watch Santa movies, and treat it like we do any other fun fairy tale.

 

I've always told my children not to say anything to other children about it because some families like to pretend Santa is real and we don't want to spoil their fun.

 

I try not to be too hard-nosed about it either way.

 

Our family celebrates Christmas similar to Daisy's family. (Although we haven't done a super cool code! ;) )

 

We've always treated Santa like Mickey Mouse or Barney. He's pretend but a fun character!