Separate bedrooms?

[elegantlion]

One thing that does help is seperate duvets, so there's no fighting for covers & I think we disturb each other less. Also a king size bed so there's room to get away from the other person.

 

Touching??!!! Eeeeeeeeeeek. NO. GO. A.WAY.

 

:iagree:We currently have a king size bed. It's great. I'm not a night time snuggler, I want to SLEEP. We both snore, we don't go to sleep at the same time, and we've both dealt with insomnia. Dh will fall asleep in the recliner a lot, sometimes I never know if he comes to bed or not. Ds prefers to sleep on the couch. We've contemplated outfitting the living room with a few beds and just turning that into one big bedroom. :lol:

[MtnTeaching]

We have done it while on trips. As far as I'm concerned, it's hell. Dh is 6'4" and he sleeps diagonally because apparently he cannot tuck or curl up - he must sprawl & stretch. :glare: My 'half' of the bed consists of the two triangles formed on opposite sides of the diagonal. As far as square footage goes, it is all fair, of course. Mine is just not contiguous territory :D

 

I know all about that little triangle - my dh is 6'8". A king, Sleep Number bed saved us!

 

Also, when we moved to our current house 9 years ago, I told the movers to put the TV labled "bedroom" down into the basement playroom. I put my foot down on this one. I need somewhere quiet to be able to read and decompress and I also can't sleep with noise or the flashing lights of a TV. It has been wonderful and he's learned to live without his precious TV in the bedroom. Now, there's something more precious in the bedroom for him to focus on.:001_smile:

[fiddledeedee]

I thought we were weird because we have separate bedrooms, I'm glad to see there are others out there too.

 

My DH snores so loud, there's no way I can sleep. He's 6'2" and a "diagonal" sleeper as well. Our 4 year old son sleeps with me, has since birth. My little guy either wants to sleep right up against me (which I hate) or lay horizontally in bed, and now he's getting so tall it's nearly pushing me out when does that. I'm an extremely light sleeper, so much so that I have to sleep with a fan on to drown out any noise or I can't sleep. My DH worked graveyards for years, and when he stopped, we couldn't go back to sleeping with each other. He'd snore, I'd wake him up, he'd get mad, probably because I may have kicked him to get him to stop. LOL Now my husband can snore, sleep diagonally, hog the covers, and fart all he wants to, and nobody complains.

 

Well rested people are happy people. I hope my 4 year old moves to his own bed soon, and I can have a king sized bed all to myself!

 

To the people that have the snuggle mates they can't imagine sleeping without, we don't all have husbands like that. Even when we slept together it was NEVER like that for us. I think everyone does what works best for them. As long as the couple is happy, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.

[RanchGirl]

Many times in the middle of the night, If I wake up, I'll reach out and just carress his back.

 

That would drive me crazy! I need solid uninterrupted sleep and so does my dh. We don't need separate bedrooms at this point but if we did, it wouldn't bother me a bit. Glad you've found something that works for you and your dh but it isn't necessarily the ideal for every couple.

[Denisemomof4]

dh and I have never had separate bedrooms but I mentioned to him recently that I hoped we could. He agreed.

 

I NEED background noise to sleep. If I don't have it, Every Little Sound wakes me up. He NEEDS complete silence to sleep.

 

I have insomnia. I can NOT just lay in bed hoping to get back to sleep. This will make me stay awake longer. I need to be able to read or watch tv. He can't sleep with lights (even a bright reading light which clips to a book disturbs him!) If I watch tv I will put on the wireless headphones. I sleep well with the sound of them all night but they're big and bulky and eventually fall off, leaving me in a silent room, which wakes me. If I forget to set the timer on the tv, the lights from it wake him up.

 

Dh's snoring wakes me and apparently mine awakes him. If I have to keep nudging him to get him to move so he stops snoring, sometimes this act alone will keep me awake all night. He doesn't nudge me because of my sleep issues so will go downstairs to the couch. He LOVES to sleep on his back and on his right side but is constantly turning to his left side, facing away from me, because this is how he snores less.

 

I go to bed late at night and sometimes this wakes him up. He goes to bed early. Sometimes his getting out of bed in the morning wakes me up.

 

I like to cuddle at night, he needs his space and to sleep.

 

Sleep deprivation causes migraines in me. I had a KILLER one last night.

 

We love each other and can have our physical closeness anytime we want. BUT, separate bedrooms will probably make us happier because we will be rested.

 

I agree that you can't judge a marriage by whether or not people sleep in the same bed.

Edited July 26, 2010 by Denisemomof4

[NavyWifeandMommy]

I have the bedroom to my self 80% of our marrage due to him being in the service. No way would I volunteerly have us in different rooms. Besides that would mean we would need a six-seven bedroom house so everyone could have their own rooms.

[Laura Corin]

Snoring: Dh used to snore until we had him dx'd with sleep apnea. For those of you with snoring spouses (or if you snore) and if you have insurance, get dx'd.

 

I have taken to wearing earplugs and it has made an enormous difference to my sleeping - I used to wake up in the middle of the night, but didn't connect this with his snoring. I made lifestyle changes (gave up caffeine, increased exercise, reduced screen time) to no avail. Only when I started earplugs (after sleeping well on a flight wearing them) did I realise that his snoring was stopping me from getting deeply asleep.

 

Laura

[annandatje]

I have taken to wearing earplugs and it has made an enormous difference to my sleeping - I used to wake up in the middle of the night, but didn't connect this with his snoring. I made lifestyle changes (gave up caffeine, increased exercise, reduced screen time) to no avail. Only when I started earplugs (after sleeping well on a flight wearing them) did I realise that his snoring was stopping me from getting deeply asleep.

 

Laura

 

Consistent use of earplugs resulted in yeast type infection in my ears. I used them only in clean dry ears and frequently changed out pairs. He does not want to see a doctor about snoring, so separate sleeping quarters are in our future.

Edited July 28, 2010 by annandatje
correct grammatical error

[Peela]

I just exclaimed to my dh that we aren't so unusual after all!

Its amazing how many people would like separate rooms, and I am surprised that we are not the only ones on these boards who actually do have separate rooms!

 

Actually this thread has heartened me because there have been times over the years - 18 years of marriage, sleeping apart- that I have felt that perhaps I was "missing out" and perhaps it was because of my dh and...basically, grass is greener syndrome. I have been through phases of feeling sorry for myself about it, even though we have at various times retried sleeping together and BOTH of us end up very keen to go back to our own rooms again. We went to Bali in February and enoyed sleeping together (I had earplugs and a special mask on) for 3 nights. I was determined to try sleeping together at home but we didnt even make it one whole night.

And...we really do like it this way. It is more the concept that sometimes has upset me. I have felt that something must be wrong with us. But even though it wasnt snoring that initiated it...more that I felt smothered by him :) in my youth and jsut wanted my own space- and him too....nowadays, the snoring IS an issue.

SO...thanks for sharing everyone. I can happily let go of the idea that we are quite so unusual and freakish.

[Carrie12345]

When dh is dealing with odd work hours, insomnia, or just wanting some extra cuddle time with the kids, he stays on the couch. Once in a while, I enjoy that freedom to hog the whole bed and channel surf if I wake up in the middle of the night. 2 or 3 consecutive nights seems to be my limit though. I get lonely.

 

Separate covers, however, are FABULOUS!!!! It never occurred to me to try that until we began co-sleeping with infants, and did it as a safety issue. I swear, it revolutionized our sleeping relationship, lol.

[Mom0012]

We have done it while on trips. As far as I'm concerned, it's hell. Dh is 6'4" and he sleeps diagonally because apparently he cannot tuck or curl up - he must sprawl & stretch. :glare: My 'half' of the bed consists of the two triangles formed on opposite sides of the diagonal. As far as square footage goes, it is all fair, of course. Mine is just not contiguous territory :D

 

It took me 5 years of kicking and pushing to break my husband of diagonal sleeping. I mean, come on! Am I supposed to sleep all curled up in a ball the rest of my life because he wants to put his legs where mine should be?:001_smile:

 

I would love my own room. My sdd just moved out and I've been eyeing hers. Between the snoring, bad breath, sweating and the fact that I don't need as much sleep as him, it would be lovely to stay up later without feeling like I'm bothering him and get up early without waking him, it sounds pretty good. I've teased him about moving into my own room, but I can tell he doesn't like the idea, and I don't want to hurt his feelings. All these posts on sleep apnea make me wonder if he has that. He is an extremely light sleeper. I will think he is sound asleep, but if I make the slightest move, I find he is awake.

 

Lisa

Edited July 26, 2010 by LisaTheresa

[DawnM]

Well, as much as I love my DH and would love to figure out a way to sleep in the same bed, we haven't for almost 5 years. Sleep is very, very important to us!

 

He moves in his sleep and shakes the bed JOLTING me awake all night long. I have been snoring loudly for a few years, keeping him awake.

 

I think if I lost weight I might stop snoring and if we could get a bed that I wouldn't feel him moving around (although I am not sure there is such a thing), we would sleep in the same room again.

 

Dawn

[DawnM]

I thought the article DID say that.....it gave several ways to get back into the same bed.

 

Dawn

 

Well, I guess to each his own, but for me, it is very sad. I hope they do prove that co-sleeping with your spouse is better for your health. My DH and I could never give up the physical closeness that sleeping together provides us. We need to be physically close to each other for a significant amound of time. We cuddle for a long time before falling asleep and if either of us wakes up during the night, we will snuggle up next to the other some more before falling back to sleep. Many times in the middle of the night, If I wake up, I'll reach out and just carress his back. He may sleep through it, but it enriches and comforts me. And then, sometimes, he wakes up just enough to say, "Love you baby." And I say it back and then we fall asleep again. And every once in a while, these little moments turn into something more. Who would want to give up the possibility of this special time of intimacy and love being shared, no matter what time of the night it is? Not me. I can barely stand that we inhabit two seperate bodies. Two seperate beds would be intolerable.

[Dmmetler]

DH and I sleep apart as well. It was kind of forced on us when I went through several months of asthmatic bronchitis, and he simply couldn't sleep with me in the room with him, but what we've found is that we both sleep better when we can set the bed/room to our preferences. It doesn't mean that we don't get snuggle/close time with each other-only that when it's time to SLEEP-it's time to sleep.

[katemary63]

It sounds like you have a need for a lot of physical connection.

 

 

Yes, I'm sure I do. I LOVE to touch my man! And to have him touch me! However, it's not just that. I have learned to take nothing for granted in this life. I have lived through a lot of pain and heartache and at this point in my life, I have developed the habit of gratitude for every blessing I have. I think about the future and how uncertain it is and how things could be different in the blink of an eye. You know how people say about newborns, "Cherish every moment. The baby stage goes by so fast!" Well, I feel that way about all the blessings in my life, but probably mostly about DH. I know many women who have no DH and wish they did or have a DH they'd rather not have. I take no credit for my situation. I just can't BELIEVE how blessed I am and I cherish every single second with him. If I wake up in the middle of the night and am able to touch him or even hear him snore (no lie, it doesn't bother me.) my first thought is, "Thank you Jesus!" Because I know there will be a day in the future when one of us will wake up and the other will not be there...not even in a different bed or a sepersate room and not coming home tomorrow from a trip, but will never be there again. If my DH wakes up in the middle of the night and wakes me for some serious "cuddle" time, all I can think is how grateful I am to have him, that he wants me, that we love each other so much and how someday, we may be too old or sick for that type of "cuddling." I just plain want to get all I can get of him while I can get it! Every single moment is cherished. Tomorrow is not promised to me.

 

I know others see things differently. This is just me. No judgement on those who'd rather sleep apart. But for me, I just couldn't imagine it.

Edited July 26, 2010 by katemary63

[Impish]

We share the same bed, but its rare we go to bed at the same time. Last night, for example, I was in bed immediately after the Littles. I don't know what time he finally came to bed though. One of us is usually asleep before the other trundles in.

 

What we have done, though, is his dresser is in the basement. That way he can get dressed at 4-5 am without worrying about waking me up with the light and moving around.

 

I wouldn't willingly give up sharing a bed. I don't sleep well without him there, and often wake up 'checking' to see if he's in bed yet. I just don't seem to hit REM sleep without him there. Wolf also has nightmares, and just reaching out and touching him seems to break them off...he immediately quiets down.

 

He also has a weird ability to have conversations in his sleep, not remembering them at all the next morning!

 

When we were first married, he traveled for his job, was away more than home, and it was miserable. I just couldn't sleep well without him beside me. Separate bedrooms wouldn't work for me. Even with having insomnia, he can sleep with me crawling in and out of bed. We don't 'snuggle', but just knowing the other is there is a comfort.

[chickenpatty]

Well, I guess to each his own, but for me, it is very sad. I hope they do prove that co-sleeping with your spouse is better for your health. My DH and I could never give up the physical closeness that sleeping together provides us. We need to be physically close to each other for a significant amound of time. We cuddle for a long time before falling asleep and if either of us wakes up during the night, we will snuggle up next to the other some more before falling back to sleep. Many times in the middle of the night, If I wake up, I'll reach out and just carress his back. He may sleep through it, but it enriches and comforts me. And then, sometimes, he wakes up just enough to say, "Love you baby." And I say it back and then we fall asleep again. And every once in a while, these little moments turn into something more. Who would want to give up the possibility of this special time of intimacy and love being shared, no matter what time of the night it is? Not me. I can barely stand that we inhabit two seperate bodies. Two seperate beds would be intolerable.

 

:iagree: It's one of the many things that makes marriage so wonderful. :) I hope we never lose it.

[ChristusG]

Separate covers, however, are FABULOUS!!!! It never occurred to me to try that until we began co-sleeping with infants, and did it as a safety issue. I swear, it revolutionized our sleeping relationship, lol.

 

Exactly LOL! For four years, pre-kids, we used the same blanket. Usually I'd wake up freezing cold and he'd have the blanket all wrapped around him. I'd pull and tug and yank and finally get just a little bit of the blanket around me. When we began co-sleeping with our newborn DD, I used a seperate blanket so it would not be pulled over the top of her by DH or I. Umm, hello, why in the world did I not think of it before??!! Now we use seperate blankets all the time.

[Tammy]

1990 LOL! When I was pregnant....he seemed to become pregnant too (grew a big belly)...and started SNORING! Well....I am the kind of person who NEEDS their sleep....so he decided to sleep in the extra bedroom.....has been doing that ever since and it works out just fine for us.

[GoVanGogh]

DH and I slept apart for several years. He had gained weight and snored something awful! I tried earplugs, but our son sleepwalks and I was never comfortable sleeping with earplugs in and not being able to hear if my DS started wandering around the house. DH lost 40+ pounds and his snoring is so much better. He recently started sleeping back in the bedroom. But! He still waves his arms around in his sleeps and talks in his sleep! :glare: I keep threatening him with duct tape... And! He is awful about setting the alarm, then hitting the snooze button for over an hour! Seriously! He will set the alarm for 6:30, then not get up until 7:30 or even later. Drives. Me. Nuts.

[Julie in CA]

Yes, I'm sure I do. I LOVE to touch my man! And to have him touch me! However, it's not just that. I have learned to take nothing for granted in this life. I have lived through a lot of pain and heartache and at this point in my life, I have developed the habit of gratitude for every blessing I have. I think about the future and how uncertain it is and how things could be different in the blink of an eye. You know how people say about newborns, "Cherish every moment. The baby stage goes by so fast!" Well, I feel that way about all the blessings in my life, but probably mostly about DH. I know many women who have no DH and wish they did or have a DH they'd rather not have. I take no credit for my situation. I just can't BELIEVE how blessed I am and I cherish every single second with him. If I wake up in the middle of the night and am able to touch him or even hear him snore (no lie, it doesn't bother me.) my first thought is, "Thank you Jesus!" Because I know there will be a day in the future when one of us will wake up and the other will not be there...not even in a different bed or a sepersate room and not coming home tomorrow from a trip, but will never be there again. If my DH wakes up in the middle of the night and wakes me for some serious "cuddle" time, all I can think is how grateful I am to have him, that he wants me, that we love each other so much and how someday, we may be too old or sick for that type of "cuddling." I just plain want to get all I can get of him while I can get it! Every single moment is cherished. Tomorrow is not promised to me.

 

I know others see things differently. This is just me. No judgement on those who'd rather sleep apart. But for me, I just couldn't imagine it.

:iagree: This is it exactly. :001_smile:

ETA: And yes, I have a dh who is 6'5" and does the diagonal sleeping thing. And he snores. I've learned to adapt, and I'm very glad he's by my side, come what may.

[Mommee & Baba]

I *love* having our own room where we can read and talk and share all kinds of time without the kiddos. :)

 

:iagree:

 

We are safe to take off the mom & dad hats & put on our own hats that cause goofy and immature story telling or having a jokes contest.:tongue_smilie:

[fairfarmhand]

Your post is lovely, and is exactly what it USED to be like for dh and I.

 

Then he was diagnosed with sleep apnea. He wears a cpap machine all night, every night. He also wears ear plugs. He has severe sleep apnea, and getting a good night's sleep is essential for his health.

 

Ever try to snuggle with someone wearing a cpap machine? It's not really possible. He also cannot talk while wearing it.

 

When he was diagnosed, he was in such bad shape that I was honestly worried for his life. I was so paranoid of disturbing his sleep that I would literally lay as still as I could. And if I had to sneeze or cough? Forget about it. I was a wreck; I was so worried about disturbing HIS sleep that I wasn't getting any sleep.

 

We moved a second bed into our bedroom so that *I* could get some sleep. We have always shared our full size bed; all of a sudden, we were just too close to each other for me to feel comfortable rolling over in the night, 'cause I was worried I'd wake him up.

 

So, for now, we do our sleeping in seperate beds that are right next to each other. We plan on moving sometime next year, and will be replacing our two beds with a king size bed when we do.

 

Not to get too personal, but we are diligent about making sure that we get plenty of snuggle/cuddle/pillow talk/prayer time together. We want to keep our marriage healthy. Just when we are actually ready to go to sleep, we do so in our own beds. That way, we both sleep as well as we can.

 

 

It worked for Lucy and Ricky Ricardo....:001_smile:

[Jean in Newcastle]

It worked for Lucy and Ricky Ricardo....:001_smile:

 

They got divorced. . . (Though I have no problem with couples having separate beds or bedrooms.)

[HRAAB]

I wouldn't read too much into a married couple sleeping in separate beds and/or bedrooms. Whatever works. We have always slept in the same bed, though. Often I stay up to read while dh goes to bed. It usually takes about a half hour, and he comes out looking for me. Seems he just can't fall asleep without me next to him. It does make me feel special. My mom and dad shared the same bed until my mom passed away. However, my in-laws haven't shared the same bed for years. I think it's just what is more comfortable and makes for getting a good night's sleep.

[Crissy]

No thank you.

I prefer to fall asleep beside him and wake up next to him--even when things aren't going well.

We had a serious issue to deal with about a year ago. Because I was so hurt by something he did, he chose to give me some space and he slept in the family room on the night we first discussed it.

It was terrible.

[Kari C in SC]

I would prefer to use ear plugs or solve the snoring problem then loose my bed partner.

 

This is what I do and I have a fan running. I really don't like sleeping alone.

[fiddledeedee]

DH and I slept apart for several years. He had gained weight and snored something awful! I tried earplugs, but our son sleepwalks and I was never comfortable sleeping with earplugs in and not being able to hear if my DS started wandering around the house. DH lost 40+ pounds and his snoring is so much better. He recently started sleeping back in the bedroom. But! He still waves his arms around in his sleeps and talks in his sleep! :glare: I keep threatening him with duct tape... And! He is awful about setting the alarm, then hitting the snooze button for over an hour! Seriously! He will set the alarm for 6:30, then not get up until 7:30 or even later. Drives. Me. Nuts.

 

I've already responded, but in addition to the snoring and bed hogging, DH does this too. He sets 5 different alarms, then hits their snooze buttons. I would go mad listening to that every morning!

[musicmommy]

I would say that it's pretty much me that sends hubby to the couch though. I tend to be a full contact sleeper. Not only do I talk in my sleep, but I seem to act out my dreams on occasion. This has led to more than a few bruises on dh from the kicking, running or just plain moving around. I have been known to turn around in the bed. I also don't sleep well if someone is touching me. Even the slightest touch wakes me and I can't fall back asleep.

 

I love to cuddle up with my dh, but he usually goes back downstairs to watch a show when I start to fall asleep. Otherwise, I kind of stay in this half way awake, half way asleep stupor.

 

I definitely don't think that sleeping arrangements truly reflect on the marriage either.

[AHASRADA]

Interesting thread. You never know what you'll learn on this board ;). I can see everyone's point of view, those who need to cuddle, those who need space to sleep.

 

Honestly, the idea of having a different bed or different room never even occurred to me. Sure we sleep apart once in a while when traveling, etc., and I have no trouble sleeping alone if he's not here (as long as I can have the TV on until I sleep). Maybe it's because I haven't had my "own room" since I was 18, when dh moved into it :lol:, I guess I just took it for granted that we are "one", and that includes sleeping in the same bed and sharing the same space.

 

Dh does have some annoying sleep habits. He has always insisted on having his own sheet and blanket, about 6 pillows, and leaves them all in a wad in the morning. Ideally, I would sleep at 10 and wake up at 7. He prefers to sleep at midnight and wake up at 9. This means I have to force myself to stay awake until he comes to bed, or fall asleep and get woken up when he comes in, which really disturbs my sleep. He likes to watch CSI, car chases, etc. before he sleeps, I like to read. I enjoy sleeping with white noise (like a fan), but that bugs him. He falls asleep listening to lectures on his ipod (without earbuds!), which bugs me. He sets his alarm way ahead of when he wants to wake up, shutting it off and seeing that I am getting up, asks me to wake him up at a certain time, so I have to start my day watching the clock and remembering to go back upstairs to wake him (or send a dc up to get him).

 

I hadn't thought about how many annoying things surround our sleeping arrangement until I read this thread, because for me, that is just the way it is. After all this time, I have gotten used to it, adapted, and really don't think that much about it anymore. I appreciate the closeness, the fact that he's there. It may sound corny, but his little annoying habits are what make him the man he is. I like to watch him sleep, all wrapped up in his sheet, and think what an adorable, funny little sweetie he is.

 

We adapt to and put up with an awful lot in marriage, and reconciling a sleeping arrangement is only one of them. For me, that time together is too precious to make an issue of any quirks.

[jazzyfizzle]

I just exclaimed to my dh that we aren't so unusual after all!

Its amazing how many people would like separate rooms, and I am surprised that we are not the only ones on these boards who actually do have separate rooms!

...... I can happily let go of the idea that we are quite so unusual and freakish.

 

 

LOL You are definitely not alone! We have slept apart many years now, DH snores so loudly it will overwhelm the sound of a tv! With my health I have trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep. Only a night or two without my sleep will have my strength going rapidly downhill, and that is not good for anyone here. We are going on 24 years, diff. sleeping rooms certainly haven't posed a problem.

:D

[hornblower]

LOL You are definitely not alone! We have slept apart many years now, DH snores so loudly it will overwhelm the sound of a tv! With my health I have trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep. Only a night or two without my sleep will have my strength going rapidly downhill, and that is not good for anyone here. We are going on 24 years, diff. sleeping rooms certainly haven't posed a problem.

:D

 

The question is - do you sleep with your dog? :D

 

Even when I ditch dh I keep at least one dog & often the cat with me. Now *they* are quiet & comforting.

[Audrey]

whatever works for you...

 

Yep. Dh and I sleep together unless one of us is sick, and then one of us will go use one of the spare bedrooms as a courtesy to the other. That way both the sick person and the well person are more likely to get the rest they need.

 

My parents had separate rooms starting sometime around the time I was 10. My mom had to have surgery on her back and after that, she wore a back brace. Dad was always a 'shifter' when he slept -- constantly flipping around. It was painful to Mom to be jostled in bed, and she needed a pretty hard bed, too. It was healthier for her to sleep on her own, and better for my dad too, as he had felt terrible for causing her any pain while asleep.

 

So, I'm not going to say 'never'...

[Tap]

We haven't slept in the same room unless we have company in 5ish years. Dh sleeps hot, throws the covers on me and then gets irritated when I get overheated and toss them on the floor.

 

He snores, from the first 5 minutes of his sleep until he wakes up. I have asked him to go to the doctor and get it checked out....I think he has sleep apnea...but he refuses to go. I can't sleep with ear plugs due to dd3's night terrors and my needing to go to her.

 

We are on two different schedules, he goes to be much earlier than I. When I softly walk into the room to go to bed, he startles awake and sits up straight up in bed like I walked into the room screaming like a banshee.

 

He likes to sleep with a fan on in the room. I hate fans. He likes the window open. I hate open windows....my mom ears are going all night with the sounds outside so I don't sleep.

 

Dh falls asleep in less that 5 minutes from when his head hits the pillow. When he gets tired in the evening he gets very hot so even if I wanted to cuddle with him for a few minutes while he is awake, he is miserable doing so. I am just the opposite; I get very cold when I am sleepy but warm up later.

 

Dh gets phone calls quite often during the night regarding work. The phone doesn't wake me but his lengthy conversations at 4am do. He can easily get 2-3 phone calls from 3-6am.

 

When dh goes to bed by himself, he sleeps in the middle of the bed. So, not only does he startle awake when I walk in, but then I have to have him move over for me to go to bed.

 

Separate beds are the only way for us. I hate having company because I have to give up my bed, and sleep with him. LOL. I have paid for a hotel for guests so I didn't have to give up my bed.

[Celia]

Hubby and I started sleeping apart when his snoring became more than I could handle. With the baby waking up for feedings, and being up because I get insomnia, coming back to bed to crawl in with a chainsaw wasn't exactly making for a happy wife!

 

Actually, I finally gave up on sleeping in the same room when we had a colicky baby who cried half the night. Had I needed to go into bed with my hubby and forsake the precious 45 mins of sleep before the baby started screaming again, I couldn't have made it, and nor would of he! Something about standing in the hallway, listening to the baby scream on one side and the hubby snore on the other really brought out the worst in me after a while!

[Barb_]

We have a guestroom/office downstairs set up for company that never arrives...sigh. Anyway, when I was pg with my latest little one, I began having more back problems than in past pregnancies, probably due to age. So he moved down there for my last trimester. Then Keira was a terrible sleeper--probably the worst one of our kids--and he ended up sleeping down there for another 6-9 months. He also keep all his work clothes in the closet down there so he can dress without waking me. He's since moved back upstairs, but he still keeps his work clothes, computer, guitar down there. He refers to it as "my room." So the upstairs is a quiet refuge for me with no TV, computer, phones, etc. Still we both slept better in separate beds, so when one of us is sleep deprived, sick, etc he still goes downstairs on occasion. I think as we get older and creakier I could see separate bedrooms once again in our future.

[sagira]

I don't think sleeping apart reflects on the marriage either. Depends on the couple and their attitudes. As of now, ds, who sleeps on the top bunk, feels lonely in his room, so dh sleeps on the bottom bunk (with pink sheets lol). Dd was slated to sleep there, but she was not ready to do it alone. There's a bed rail so she doesn't fall off. Beforehand, I used to sleep with her on the bottom bunk to help acclimate her to the room, but now I'm pregnant and it's very tough to negotiate getting out of bed and bad for my belly to do so that way. We tend to play musical beds. Dd sometimes sleeps with dh, or she switches to me halfway, or dh ends up in my bed with dd either there or not. I never know who ends up in my bed in the morning (I have the king). Sometimes it's everyone :)

 

We just do whatever works at the time. Dh and I are by nature easygoing and flexible with these issues.

 

Right now I'm on the couch (dh has gone on a business trip).

Edited July 27, 2010 by sagira

[Ravin]

We slept on different continents for the first 2 years of our marriage. I was in the Navy and decided not to extend my enlistment to take him overseas with me when we got married.

 

Once we were under the same roof, I promptly got us a King sized bed, in anticipation of cosleeping with a baby. Of course, after years of sleeping in a rack aboard ship, I'm conditioned to only take up a small part of the bed, even when I have a King to myself!

 

DH often wound up on the couch when I was pg with DD, because I'd kick and toss and turn. We had to oust DD from our room because of her snoring. Now, of course, there are 3 adults in our bed, and we all have different schedules (mine being the most out of synch with everyone else's). What's more, DW#2 has been snoring and it's been getting progressively worse. We need to talk her into getting on AHCCCS and getting to a doctor about it because we suspect sleep apnea. DH's sleep issues (for which he was discharged from the Navy) have been getting worse again, too, and he should really get to the VA, but working and going to school full time doesn't leave a lot of time for that. So he winds up on the couch a lot, or just not sleeping.

 

I sleep through DW#2's snoring, usually. But then, I can sleep through just about anything. I'd sleep like a baby in a berthing with 59 other people and sonar going. :tongue_smilie:

 

And with baby on the way, our plan is to put a bunk bed in DD's room with a full size bed on the bottom, so that I can sleep there with the baby, or DH can sleep there if DW#2 and I are keeping him awake for whatever reason.

[Garga]

DH just returned Sunday night from an 8 day trip last week. I slept alone for those 8 days, for the first time in our 18 year marriage.

 

The last two nights (Sunday and Monday) have been horrid. We've both tossed and turned. All the twitching, the bad breath, the shifting, the cover pulling has ended up with me being up all night.

 

In just those 8 days, I'd forgotten how miserable it is to share a bed at times. I wish I could have a separate bed. I got such good rest last week.

[LostSurprise]

It's hard for me to imagine sleeping separately. We both consider sleeping together to be at least as important to our sense of closeness and intimacy as sex.

 

Sleeping together, holding each other is a powerful feeling for both of us. The same factors which help infants regulate their sleep while co-sleeping (breathing, skin to skin, heartbeat) play a part in that. Neither of us sleeps well apart now.

 

I suppose the day may come. Sometimes you have to be practical. But I'm not willing to give it up without a fight.

[jazzyfizzle]

The question is - do you sleep with your dog? :D

 

Even when I ditch dh I keep at least one dog & often the cat with me. Now *they* are quiet & comforting.

 

 

:lol::lol: Yeah, you've got my number, the dogs are in the room. :D :lol:

[Anna]

Well, I guess to each his own, but for me, it is very sad. I hope they do prove that co-sleeping with your spouse is better for your health. My DH and I could never give up the physical closeness that sleeping together provides us. We need to be physically close to each other for a significant amound of time. We cuddle for a long time before falling asleep and if either of us wakes up during the night, we will snuggle up next to the other some more before falling back to sleep. Many times in the middle of the night, If I wake up, I'll reach out and just carress his back. He may sleep through it, but it enriches and comforts me. And then, sometimes, he wakes up just enough to say, "Love you baby." And I say it back and then we fall asleep again. And every once in a while, these little moments turn into something more. Who would want to give up the possibility of this special time of intimacy and love being shared, no matter what time of the night it is? Not me. I can barely stand that we inhabit two seperate bodies. Two seperate beds would be intolerable.

 

katemary,

 

Your post was so sweet. ITA with everything you said.

[Anna]

/

Edited August 3, 2010 by Anna

[Anna]

If I wake up in the middle of the night and am able to touch him or even hear him snore (no lie, it doesn't bother me.) my first thought is, "Thank you Jesus!" Because I know there will be a day in the future when one of us will wake up and the other will not be there...not even in a different bed or a sepersate room and not coming home tomorrow from a trip, but will never be there again. If my DH wakes up in the middle of the night and wakes me for some serious "cuddle" time, all I can think is how grateful I am to have him, that he wants me, that we love each other so much and how someday, we may be too old or sick for that type of "cuddling." I just plain want to get all I can get of him while I can get it! Every single moment is cherished. Tomorrow is not promised to me.

 

:iagree: My dh was diagnosed with colon cancer earlier this year. I was devastated to think that he might not be with me much longer. We are so blessed in that the cancer was discovered in an early stage and that it was all taken out with surgery. And yes, my dh occasionally snores some but I'd much rather hear him snore than not hear him at all. You are right in that we are not promised our tomorrows. Marriage is about much more than getting my sleep. It is about being privileged to share intimate moments with the man I love.

[EJCMom]

My DH is gone most of the time and I have a really hard time sleeping when he's not here. I just can't settle in because he's missing. I can't imagine choosing to sleep seperately on a regular basis.

[Anna]

This has been one of the saddest threads I have ever read. To think that snoring and the like would keep a married couple from enjoying daily intimacy... I just don't get it. My dh can snore and wake me up but then I am able to go right back to sleep. Sharing the same bed and being intimately close to each other is way more important to me than sleeping without interruptions from snoring and such. One day, we or our spouse will no longer be here. If my dh goes first, when that day comes I want to be able to say that we spent every available minute intimately enjoying each others company. I would never want to go on living with regrets thinking all the "I wish I had..." thoughts. We are not allowed the privilege of going back and redoing what we neglected to do in the first place. My love and affections for my dh will always trump my need for uninterrupted sleep. I don't mean to offend anyone with this but I had to say what was on my mind. I do hope that some of you will seriously reconsider your desire to sleep apart from your husband.

Edited August 4, 2010 by Anna

[LaissezFaire]

Would never work for me. I HATE sleeping alone (and I have a husband who snores). If DH is out of town I beg one of the kids to bunk in with me.

[Tap]

This has been one of the saddest threads I have ever read. To think that snoring and the like would keep a married couple from enjoying daily intimacy... I just don't get it. My dh can snore and wake me up but then I am able to go right back to sleep. Sharing the same bed and being intimately close to each other is way more important to me than sleeping without interruptions from snoring and such. One day, we or our spouse will no longer be here. If my dh goes first, when that day comes I want to be able to say that we spent every available minute intimately enjoying each others company. I would never want to go on living with regrets thinking all the "I wish I had..." thoughts. We are not allowed the privilege of going back and redoing what we neglected to do in the first place. My love and affections for my dh will always trump my need for uninterrupted sleep. I don't mean to offend anyone with this but I had to say what was on my mind. I do hope that some of you will seriously reconsider your desire to sleep apart from your husband.

 

I think one thing that some people may not realize is that not everyone equates sleeping in the same bed as intimacy. Not everyone snuggles, spoons, or likes to have long conversations at night. Dh is asleep in less than 5 minutes...often 2 or less from laying down, then he doesn't wake up until his alarm goes off. When I am asleep...I am asleep. I don't wake up and snuggle with dh as other posters have mentioned. He would push me away, as he sleeps very, very hot. We go to sleep and we roll to opposite side of the bed and....we sleep. When we are going to sleep...There is no intimacy, no closeness, nothing that either of us are missing. We are intimate at plenty of other times; we don't wait for bed at night. We have closeness, when we want it. If one of us wanted intimacy at bedtime, we would make that happen, then we go our separate ways. Dh goes to bed 3-4 hours before me, often before the kids do. Sleeping next to him, listening to him snore, is nothing but annoying to me. Dh doesn't snore occasionally, it is every night, for hours, starting and stopping (for just a few minutes) all night long. He doesn't want the surgery to try to fix it as it isn't very effective. He isn't overweight, and there is no other medical reason for his snoring. His father is the same way so maybe it is something genetic.

 

Right now, I am on another floor of my house watching TV; he is upstairs, in our room with the door shut, and I can hear him snoring. He will wake me up, down here sometimes! I have very, very sensitive hearing and he is very, very loud. I only sleep 6 hours a night, and if I get woke up, I don't usually go back to sleep easily. I can be awake for an hour or more waiting to fall back asleep. I do want my sleep....a lot more than sleeping next to a person. It has nothing, and I mean NOTHING to do with love and affection. We have been happily together for almost 20 years, I am finally well rested now that I don't sleep myself to sleep next to him.

 

So, before you tell me how sad my marriage is...realize that not everyone puts the importance on sleeping next to someone as you do.

Edited August 3, 2010 by Tap, tap, tap

[Rosie_0801]

So, before you tell me how sad my marriage is...realize that not everyone puts the importance on sleeping next to someone as you do.

 

 

:iagree: It's sweet reading stories from you snuggly types, but I am never going to regret exchanging a man body in my bed for a peaceful night of sleep. I know that because I have had four years with those nights coming only once in a blue moon and I know how much fonder I am of everyone when I am well rested. Miss Grumpyasblazes Zombie Lady here does not want to snuggle anyone, and no one, funnily enough, wants to snuggle Miss Grumpyasblazes Zombie Lady.

 

It is nice when he doesn't snore, but if he does, out he goes. I have a life to live and I don't fancy spending it staring at the ceiling and listening to my favourite man snore. He has a life to live, and doesn't fancy spending it with a Miss Grumpyasblazes Zombie Lady. You people who are able to be loving and intimate when deprived of sleep are very lucky. I wish I was like you.

 

Rosie

[jld]

The few times I've caught dh snoring I've immediately woken him up and told him. I guess if he had a real problem and continued it, we would have to sleep separately, as I'm another one who needs to sleep at night.