Not using the china this year! And other issues...chime in but be polite

[gaillardia]

I'm the one who ends up washing the dishes (fine china)before and after. Why? Because no one else will do it. Putting it all in the dishwasher is not an option. I think I might just use it for small birthday celebrations from now on instead of when the whole family is here. I do love it but a p.i.t.a. to clean it.

What do you use for dinnerware when Thanksgiving dinner is at your house? We are going to have between 10 and 14 people attending. 

Do you use chinet? The regular plates? My regular plates are too large for the dishwasher. Maybe it is time to get "new" dishes. 

 

There will be two guests who are very loud. There have been previous "control" issues and back biting and rudeness from them towards me but they are part of the family (they are not my children). My family does not like loud. We know that it is possible to discuss things in a friendly, much quieter tone and that way everyone can have conversations. When they are with the family they practically shout and it controls the whole situation.

What can I do? How can I make it better? What can I say to them to get them to keep it under control? In the past: Dh and one son will commune over in a corner and discuss guy stuff. Daughters congregate together and go their bedroom. I and at least one of my other adult children and the animals will go outside, all in an effort to get away from the loud people. Meanwhile, anyone who is newer to our gathering (s/o) is sort of stuck in a situation of "can you top this story?" and the shouting continues. What is the most annoying to me is that I've heard these stories for at least the past 5 years and more embellishments are added each time which makes it sound more and more unbelievable each time. I understand they are excited to be around new people whom they feel the need to impress, but PLEASE, for the LOVE OF FAMILY, SHUT UP. 

 

Help.

 

[maize]

Disposable all the way for family gatherings here!

 

Cooking is enough work. I don't own any china.

[gaillardia]

The china is inherited and Thanksgiving and maybe Christmas were the only times my mom would use it. Now that I think about it, I was the one washing it when I still lived at home and all the times after that. No wonder I'm tired of doing it at my house.  :huh:

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

My china is dishwasher safe.

 

 

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[eternalsummer]

We use paper plates for all events like that.  

 

We generally have multiple areas for people to talk and congregate and etc.; the quieter people tend towards the dining room and kids tend to run about upstairs or in the basement or in their rooms and there is usually a group smoking outside or watching the game in the living room or sitting around the piano, etc.  That can help defray the loudness- provide different areas to socialize.

[fraidycat]

Everyday use Corelle plates for all family gatherings here. There’s enough (too much) kitchen duty as it is. No point adding more!

 

As for loud people, I’m not sure what the answer is *for you*. I’m a very straightforward person, so *I* just ask them why they are yelling. In fact I’ve done it before. My sister is a yell-er.

[J-rap]

Can you plan a game for everyone to play?  We've played some fun games that work for multi-ages and you can even remain in your chairs around the table if you want.

 

And we're going to do the same thing for Christmas Eve this year.  We generally have about 25 people, and people have to travel far immediately afterward (on the same evening), leaving just a few of us to do all the cleaning.  We're planning to do it differently this year and find some kind of nice paper products and serve things buffet style. 

[ErinE]

Disposable dishes with a large sink of soapy dish water if people can't get the hint. Politics and who isn't willing "to do what isn't important" isn't worth my time or energy. Throw away the unimportant stuff and wash, rinse, dry, and take home the important items. I've spent many years cleaning up at other people's homes. It really doesn't take much time.

[Carol in Cal.]

I follow my grandmother's rules.  I wash the china in the dishwasher.  It will wear out faster but I won't.  And I enjoy using it. 

[mom2scouts]

We use the china and we put it in the dishwasher. I decided long ago that I was going to use the china for holidays and risk putting it in the dishwasher. I can't help you with your second issue. We are a big and very loud family and part of the fun for us is the crazy stories and quick witted family members inserting jokes.

[Crimson Wife]

Does your dishwasher have a “China†setting? I put my set in the dishwasher using the “China†setting and it has been fine.

 

But for 14 people I would have to use disposable simply because I don’t have enough plates (it was originally presumably a set of 12 but when I inherited it from my childless great-uncle, there were only 11 plates).

 

 

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[gaillardia]

It's a much smaller house than our other one, so for now...there is no upstairs, downstairs, basement, family room, or bonus room, etc. 

My dishwasher is also smaller with non-adjustable racks. 

I think I will contemplate other options for next year. Chinese and a movie.

 

 

[amy g.]

Our family tradition is that Dh washes the China and silver.

[gaillardia]

amy g. wrote: Our family tradition is that Dh washes the China and silver.

 

I love that one. I wonder...no, probably not. My dh does a lot of the cooking and especially the carving of the turkey and making the gravy so he thinks he doesn't have to do much more than that. 

 

Edited November 22, 2017 by Gaillardia

[Seasider]

When I've had large groups and wanted to use "real" plates but have not wanted to spend time washing my own good China, I've used a rental company. It can be reasonable, cost wise, when compared to the price of high-end disposables. And I don't think twice about sticking them in the dishwasher. Some places even let you return them just scraped-clean in a plastic bag in the crate and they run it through the commercial dishwasher at the rental place.

 

I am not dissing paper. Just offering another alternative, especially if you have a larger group and want everything to match. When we do our final downsize after the last one graduates, I will pass along all my China and only use rental after that for fancy dinners, that way I won't have to worry about storing a bunch of stuff that is infrequently used.

[gardenmom5]

I used to have 1sil's china service for 24.  I didn't care about it - it went in the dishwasher on a china cycle.  When I stopped hosting - she took it back. 

Now, I have a my own (discontinued) china service for 18 - that goes in the dishwasher on a china cycle.

we also have dh's grandmother's china.  it's 100+ years old - and NO WAY could it go in a dishwasher.

with everything - we easily go through six - eight dishwasher cycles to get everything.

 

and it's just plates, B&B, dessert, dinner.  I have all sorts of bowls and corelle french white for serving pieces.

[gardenmom5]

 

amy g. wrote: Our family tradition is that Dh washes the China and silver.

 

I love that one. I wonder...no, probably not. My dh does a lot of the cooking and especially the carving of the turkey and making the gravy so he thinks he doesn't have to do much more than that. 

 

 

 

 

yeah - dh does a lot of cooking etc, so I don't begrudge the clean-up.  but he'll help even with that.

[gardenmom5]

Does your dishwasher have a “China†setting? I put my set in the dishwasher using the “China†setting and it has been fine.

 

But for 14 people I would have to use disposable simply because I don’t have enough plates (it was originally presumably a set of 12 but when I inherited it from my childless great-uncle, there were only 11 plates).

 

 

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if you like it - or want more.  ebay.  it's, usually, much cheaper than replacements.com

[umsami]

Around the age of 60 or so, my Mom stopped saving her China for special occasions.  She also stopped handwashing it.  She said....I've lived XX years and I'm worthy of nice dishes every single day.  So she started buying other random plates, cups, and bowls that she simply liked--and used them every meal.  If one got broken, no big deal, because she had gotten more use out of it than she ever would have saving it just for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter.

 

Now...her Mom's silver she still handwashes.   But plates? Nope...in the dishwasher they go.

 

I'd go for Chinet over the plastic kind. Chinet holds up well IMHO.

[KungFuPanda]

Why can’t you put China in the dishwasher? Not even on the quick cycle with no heated drying? It seems if it can handle hot food it can handle that.

[amy g.]

Dh is making the turkey and the pies. I made the mashed potatoes and the stuffing.

 

He doesn’t wash the dishes because I cooked but because he is on vacation and realizes that if he doesn’t spend his time doing a few extra chores, it is no vacation for me!

[Anne]

I have my great-grandmother’s china that I would never, ever put in the dishwasher. I use it only when I’m willing to wash it myself - sometimes I get help, and sometimes not, but if I use it, I know I’m willing to do it all myself. This means that sometimes I use it - and sometimes I don’t!

 

No guilt - no stress - just whatever *I* want to do!!

 

Anne

[gardenmom5]

Why can’t you put China in the dishwasher? Not even on the quick cycle with no heated drying? It seems if it can handle hot food it can handle that.

 

dishwasher soap is very caustic.

they would have to be completely rinsed of all food particles - as those particles can be abrasive when zooming around a dishwasher.

 

very old china - is generally too delicate.  china from the 50's/60's especially later, can generally handle a china cycle.  i think she said her dishwasher doesn't have one.

 

I have cheap crystal (which I still see on sale for about three times what I paid for it.).  dh puts it in the dishwasher on its gentlest cycle with NO soap,

[PinkTulip]

Send the loud people into the kitchen to hand-wash the China while you enjoy dessert. Boom - both problems solved! (And sorry it's stressful! I get it.)

[Lisa]

I use my China, which was my mom's, for Thanksgiving and Christmas and put it in the dishwasher on gentle/China cycle. 

 

I like the above poster's, PinkTulip, idea of having the loud people do the dishes and the rest of you eat dessert in the other room!

Edited November 22, 2017 by Lisa

[Loowit]

I grew up using disposable to almost all holiday meals.  My extended family was very large and no one had that much china or the desire to wash that many dishes.  My mom will sometimes use china now, if only a few of us are there for the meal, but most of the time she finds festive disposable plates.  For wash up it is a group effort.  We all chip and and visit while washing silverware and dishes used for cooking and serving.

 

I don't like loud either, but I am used to it coming from and large and loud family.

[Prairie~Phlox]

I like the idea of trying to put it in the dishwasher, or get new plates.

[Guest]

On the china issue, I quit several years ago, and I bought four sets of Correll in a pattern I like for any occassion. I also bought a bunch of white melamine plates for a party and I break those out as well when there are more people here than I have Correll plates. All of these can go in the dishwasher (although it usually takes two loades). I actually don’t care if I ever use china again as long as I live. The people who love me ought not care about how fancy my plates are.

 

In my case, people did wash and dry; it’s not that it was left for me to do, but I just don’t want cleaning to be part of whatever party I’m hosting. And then, truthfully, I start to resent that it’s almost always only the ladies who offer, and I don’t want my sons to see that example.

[regentrude]

We have one kind of white china dishes that we use for all meals. It is not "fancy". It goes in the dishwasher. The blue border is a bit faded after 27 years, but who cares. I have a set of 12. If we are more than 12, I need to use the soup plates and the small plates as well.

 

For large gatherings (30+, think summer bbq) I have a stack of 50 nesting plastic plates. Never disposables.

Edited November 22, 2017 by regentrude

[Soror]

My parents use paper plates. My in-laws use her every day Corelle. Both have "fancy China" but neither ever uses it. 

 

I don't have fancy China at my house so it is the regular plates for us. Maybe when the kids are older and we stop breaking them , for now I pick up odds and ends at Goodwill and would never dream of buying anything that wasn't dishwasher safe. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

We use what we always use (sounds a lot like what Regentrude has), but I don't blame you one bit if nobody but you cleans up.  So use whatever makes life easier. 

 

We have enough for 24.  So over that amount we'd have to buy more or use disposable. 

 

We have no family nearby though so this really does not come up.

 

 

[JFSinIL]

Thanksgiving and Easter are the only times I drag the boxes of my wedding china - it is really pretty! - up from the basement. Yes, I have to hand wash it and carefully get it put away but I love to see it. Creamy off-white with fine blue/gold trim. I used to get three uses a year out of it, but one year the girls bought me a full set of Christmas dishes from Target I now am obligated to use.

[Critterfixer]

Send the loud people into the kitchen to hand-wash the China while you enjoy dessert. Boom - both problems solved! (And sorry it's stressful! I get it.)

I like this solution.

[dsmith]

We found oval heavy duty paper plates at Christmas Tree Shop, with matching dessert plates, napkins and cups. We were waiting to see how many people were coming before we decided about using the china, but we've decided to use disposable regardless. Dh wants to start Christmas decorating immediately after so we decided disposable was better. The dishes and pots and pans always carry over until the next day, lol. We even bought aluminum trays for anything going in the oven. 

 

I don't know what to tell you about the loud family members. My brothers and sister are very loud and talk over each other. I guess it's a by-product of being raised in a large family. I don't know how my mom stood it!! I'm the quiet one out of the family, so I need a lot of down time after seeing them.

[Pronghorn]

When I was a teen, the adults decided that washing dishes was a job for teens, both male and female.

[TABmom]

I don't host, so I don't decide! I do help with cleaning up at my mom's or MILs. Sometimes we use paper and sometimes we use the regular dishes. I would use paper if it was at my house. The point is to eat with family, motto be fancy. Besides, in both families, there are a lot of kids under 10.

My brother is loud. He just is. He's a really, really nice guy- he's never yelling in a negative way- he just has a booming voice. He was put in speech therapy as a kid because he couldn't talk quietly at school. But since he's my brother, I just say "hey, use your inside voice."

 

ETA: I also have 2 very loud children. I joke with my brother that I got the kids he was supposed to have. My dh and I are not loud people AT. ALL. But I am constantly reminding my kids that we're all in the same room and I can hear them just fine, they don't need to yell.

Edited November 22, 2017 by TABmom

[HomeAgain]

We don't own china.  Dh and I made a conscious decision on that a few years back when we started buying new dishes.  Everything is now white.  White serving pieces, white plates, white coffee cups...All of it is dishwasher safe.  I keep 6 place settings out for every day use and the rest in a box to break out for parties.

 

It was the best decision we ever made in regards to our kitchen.  I love the look of china but I know for a fact I'd be terrible at keeping it as well as it should be.  This stuff, if it breaks, we just buy a new piece.  The only requirement is it be white. :D

[Baseball mom]

We always use disposable for big family meals. There is still plenty of pots & utensils to wash.

[Jaybee]

When more of us are together, we use Chinet. But this year, there will only be five of us. So I am using our china for the very first time, and I'm excited about it. We've had a very mobile lifestyle, and my china was in storage for years. Tomorrow really will be the first time it has ever been used, after more than three decades of marriage. However, later in the day, we will have friends over for snacks and desserts, and for that I have some paper Thanksgiving-themed plates. Part of our family tradition is that the men do the dishes. (Most of them in our family don't cook much, but they are fine with cleaning up.)

 

As for loud, one reason I like to host is that I can either busy myself in the kitchen or retreat to my room for a little bit. The retreat would generally be considered rude, but when there is a large group with most of it family, it is hardly noticed. In your case...I don't know what I would do. :(

 

ETA: Even with Chinet, we still use regular utensils. 

Edited November 22, 2017 by Jaybee

[Carol in Cal.]

Why can’t you put China in the dishwasher? Not even on the quick cycle with no heated drying? It seems if it can handle hot food it can handle that.

Well, it does wear the decorations off, little by little.

I've added 4 of our china dinner plates to our regular dishes rotation some years back, because I enjoy them so much, but no question about it, those look a lot more worn than our others.

[Carol in Cal.]

Does your dishwasher have a “China†setting? I put my set in the dishwasher using the “China†setting and it has been fine.

 

But for 14 people I would have to use disposable simply because I don’t have enough plates (it was originally presumably a set of 12 but when I inherited it from my childless great-uncle, there were only 11 plates).

 

 

Somewhere I read that Ms. Manners doesn't require all matching formal dinner ware and that mismatched is charming and homey.  So although I have enough China for every one (set of 16, and I have luncheon plates as well as dinner plates, which are still pretty big, bigger than salad plates), I don't have enough silver utensils for all.  But I gaily throw in my poor grandmother's silver plate, which is ugly but sentimental, and/or some of our stainless, and we all have a great time.  The first time I pulled out my grandmother's stuff my dad just about cried.  It was awesome.

[regentrude]

So I am using our china for the very first time, and I'm excited about it. We've had a very mobile lifestyle, and my china was in storage for years. Tomorrow really will be the first time it has ever been used, after more than three decades of marriage.

 

I don't get this. What is the point of owning and storing items one never uses for 30 years? 

[Katy]

Count me as another that puts her china in the dishwasher.

[Jaybee]

I don't get this. What is the point of owning and storing items one never uses for 30 years? 

 

The china was given to us as wedding gifts. We lived in student housing for five years, then in temporary housing, and then moved overseas. There was room at my parents' home to store it, so I did. I liked it, and knew I would never be able to buy a set for myself. There were also other things that I enjoyed and were special to me that I stored. Now that we are back in the U.S., I am glad I did, and it has helped bring a feeling of home for us--unpacking books and items that we had gathered over the years, but were unable to move with us. Had we had to rent a storage unit or my parents not had room, we would have probably gotten rid of them in some way. We did get rid of quite of few things both ways, such as furniture that I had finished or a family member had made. As it is, I like having my things. And now, everything we own is in one house, under one roof, and we got rid of everything else. I have a friend who has had a similar lifestyle. She got rid of everything when she went overseas. Then she lost everything when she had to move back. It is a sadness for her and her family that they have very little that represents their family history. Neither one of us is terribly materialistic, but we both do like to have things that we like and that make us feel cozy and tied to our families and communities, even (especially) if we don't live there anymore.

[Carol in Cal.]

I have a soup tureen in my fine china that I have never used.  But it's beautiful, and I enjoy having it even so.

(It's kind of impractical.  The fine thin china allows the soup to cool too fast, and also the handles are too short to move the full tureen around safely, so I've never quite figured out the logistics of using it for a company meal.  I would have to prewarm it with hot water in the kitchen, dump the water out in there, dry it and carry it to the table, and pour the soup into it *at* the table.  It's that last step that seems pretty awkward to me, and that's why I haven't used it.  Maybe I should consider serving from it in the summer, for a cold soup, but in the summer we tend to be more casual.)

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I have a soup tureen in my fine china that I have never used. But it's beautiful, and I enjoy having it even so.

(It's kind of impractical. The fine thin china allows the soup to cool too fast, and also the handles are too short to move the full tureen around safely, so I've never quite figured out the logistics of using it for a company meal. I would have to prewarm it with hot water in the kitchen, dump the water out in there, dry it and carry it to the table, and pour the soup into it *at* the table. It's that last step that seems pretty awkward to me, and that's why I haven't used it. Maybe I should consider serving from it in the summer, for a cold soup, but in the summer we tend to be more casual.)

I actually know of a solution to this, from old stories: You do pre-warm it, like a teapot, in the kitchen. Then put it on a rolling cart (in the kitchen), pour or ladle in the soup, wheel the cart to the dining room, and serve from there without picking up the tureen again. You'd also have the soup bowls and plates, and whatever you were passing with the soup, on the cart.

[kewb]

I love my China. Never get to use it. The visions I had of family gatherings at holidays rarely came to pass. To quote my mil "it is too much of a pain to go to your house". Not too much of a pain to expect us to schlep to you, though.

I digress. My family used to come to us when the kids were little but the trip became to difficult for my grandmother.

I have actually started using my fine China as everyday plates because I might at as well enjoy it. I realized my kids won't want it as it holds no meaning for them. No warm and fuzzy memories of helping me set the holiday table. So what am I saving it for? On the rare occasion we do have company it is easier to use paper plates. Makes clean up a breeze and I don't have to count the silver.

[ktgrok]

I don't own china, but wish I did. We use white plates for everything. My mom uses china if it is at her house, and my dad washes them. We are eating at my sister's this time and I have no idea what she is going to use. I'm fine with paper but would prefer something festive...Party City has really cute ones. 

[Seasider]

I have a soup tureen in my fine china that I have never used. But it's beautiful, and I enjoy having it even so.

(It's kind of impractical. The fine thin china allows the soup to cool too fast, and also the handles are too short to move the full tureen around safely, so I've never quite figured out the logistics of using it for a company meal. I would have to prewarm it with hot water in the kitchen, dump the water out in there, dry it and carry it to the table, and pour the soup into it *at* the table. It's that last step that seems pretty awkward to me, and that's why I haven't used it. Maybe I should consider serving from it in the summer, for a cold soup, but in the summer we tend to be more casual.)

I have a Limoges China soup tureen that a great-great-grandparent brought over from France. I have put florist green foam in it and use it for a floral arrangement table centerpiece or buffet decor. I have never used it for food.

[Selkie]

We like to have relaxed, laid back holidays with as little time spent on cleanup as possible, so it's paper plates for us. After reading this thread, I took a poll and asked whether anyone here would rather use china, and every single one of them said no and looked at me like I was nuts.  :laugh: