s/o: was anybody else's family supportive of homeschooling right from the get-go?

[cathmom]

Ours was. Our oldest went to school K and 1st and had some problems. I called my mom to tell her that we had decided to homeschool him. I started by saying that we had been worried about what happened at school, and she said, "Oh me too!" Then I told her that we had decided to homeschool and she said, "I've been reading about that and I think it's a great idea!" She has always been supportive and has put her money where her mouth is when we needed it - she hired a math tutor for our oldest, etc.

 

My dad has believed for a long time that the public school system should be shut down, so he was completely fine with it. Didn't want us to use Catholic materials (he's not Catholic) but whatever.

 

My sisters were all fine with it. One did ask, "What about socialization?"

 

We thought mil would be the big hurdle (she had been a public school teacher), so dh called her and said, "Mom, we've decided to homeschool. Are we going to have a problem about this with you?" And she said no. Over the first several years she would say things like, "Well, you never know how long you will homeschool" or "You might decide to put them in school sometime" but eventually she figured out that we would never do that. I think she said those things because the only people she had ever known who homeschooled did it for one or two years and then put the dc back in school. And now, after 11 years of homeschooling, she is very supportive.

 

So, is my experience as unique as it seems?

[Jean in Newcastle]

My parents were supportive. But then my brother had paved the way for me when he homeschooled his kids. My parents hadn't been supportive at first with them.

 

My ILs - that's another thread.

[Snickerdoodle]

My family is all supportive.

 

My MIL has a very negative opinion of HS and never fails to remind us of it. However, our relationship has very clear boundaries so it hasn't been an issue really.

[Plucky]

No way. My in-laws couldn't understand why I'd want to and worried about socialization. My mom, is an uber liberal feminist, who found children to be a burden, and couldn't figure out why on earth I'd not only be a SAHM, but a homeschooler to boot.

 

After 10+ years, both sides thank me and compliment me regularly. They've had enough experience with their other grandkids in school - good schools, to be impressed by our path. I've kept most of our journey to myself and they've really changed their minds based on the results they've seen with my kids.

[Lovedtodeath]

You know, both my parents and DH's have been very supportive. What's really great about that to me, is that both of us have an older sister who has homeschooled and done everything (and I mean major disaster examples of why not to homeschool) wrong. So I think it is a big compliment that they have confidence in me to do it right. I am glad you got me thinking about it.

[Remudamom]

Mine were all supportive. Dad was dubious, but now thinks it was his idea.

[mktkcb]

Well, my parents were missionaries overseas, so I was homeschooled for 5 years...4th grade in the states, half of 5th in French public school, rest of 5th-8th. So my parents were totally fine with it (they retired to the states when my first dd was born). My dh's parents have very little good to say about the public school system in general, so they have always been supportive. I go to a wonderful church where there is no contention over schooling.....there are families of every persuasion and no one gets their panties in a wad over it (our pastor has 7 kids, and their kids have been in public, private, and at home). So I consider myself very blessed to have support on all sides. My part of CA is VERY homeschool friendly, to boot. There are tons of homeschoolers in my city, and I literally never get negative comments from anyone about it. As I said, I am very blessed.

Kayleen

[LunaLee]

My whole family was very supportive and so was dh's grandpa (the only in law that matters), who used to be president of one of the local school boards. I did independent studies in high school and my mom wishes that she would have been in a better situation to homeschool my brother and I both.

[crewmom]

We've only been homeschooling for 6 weeks, but so far everyone in the family (except maybe my sister) has been supportive. My dd was in a L/D (learning disabled) classroom that clearly was not meeting her needs. As a second grader she was still doing K work when I know she is capable of so much more.

 

My mom works in a public school and was appalled by the way our school system treated us. She doesn't quite understand our more relaxed approach, but that's probably because she's uptight. :lol: Still, she wants to be helpful and is bringing me some retired material from her classroom. My dad just kind of follows along with whatever my mom does. My sister hasn't said anything negative, but I don't think she "gets" why we homeschool now. She's such a conformist though that I think it's hard for to understand why we aren't status quo.

 

On DH's side, his dad is all for homeschooling which surprised me. He's been impressed by DH's cousin who homeschools her 6 kids. I think if he hadn't been around homeschoolers before us, his opinion would have been different. DH's two brothers haven't said anything one way or the other.

[flyingmommy]

My dad and stepmother are for it. My stepmother's reaction surprised me, actually. When I told her, she said "I think that's great! If I had kids these days, I'd homeschool them, too!" Shocked me.

 

My FIL isn't really for it (I don't think) but he never says anything. I just get the feeling he thinks it's weird. But at least he never says anything negative about it to us so it's cool.

 

All of my friends have been supportive except for one. I have learned not to expect support from her and to avoid discussions of schools and schoolwork. Things are better that way. Many of my friends homeschool and we've made some great friends with the homeschool groups in our area. I feel really blessed to have the support that I do. And, of course, DH is totally for it and doesn't care how much I spend. And I don't even overspend or switch curriculum all the time! I could be spending so much more........hmmmm......

 

Jeannie

[JaniceO]

Both of our families have all seemed to be supportive. My boys went to public school up through last year. We pulled them out for various reasons, the main one being the school here is just terrible. Nobody has offered a negative opinion. They ask about it and geniunely seem to care. Now, we live thousands of miles away from them and haven't seen them since we moved here, so they may make rude comments behind our backs. But at least they're supportive when we speak to them.

[samba]

We've had support from all sides. Parents, siblings, friends and strangers have generally been nothing but positive. We get genuine questions sometimes about how aspects of our homeschool work because they don't necessarily understand the specifics. I don't think we've experienced any real negative reactions from anyone.

[Melenie]

My mom has been super supportive, I know my father has his reservations, but he has never said anything negative to me. MIL and FIL are much like my father as long as they can see the progress that DD is making they are encouraging about HS. They have mentioned the socialization issue, but I just tell them that I have that covered with sports and coops. They all live in South Africa and we live in the US, so for the most part they are not involved in our day to day life.

 

SIL on the other hand has lots to say, not so much negative as trying to feed her own curiosity and we often have discussions about why I HS. Her kids are in great private schools here in the US and I as long as I end the conversations with. "Your kids are in an elite private school and I will never be able to afford that, this is my private school of choice." she understands for the most part.

[elegantlion]

My parents were pretty supportive, now they are very supportive.

 

My MIL and other family members held their tongue so I'm not sure what they thought. We tend to be the odd ones on dh's side of the family anyway, so I think homeschooling was just one more thing to add to the list.

[Peela]

My fmaily live far enough away, and I am known to be already unconventional... I didn't hear any flack from them at all, ever. By the time they had seen the kids on and off a few times over the next few years, they were totalyl convinced and my mum in particular tells me quite often she thinks what I am doign is wonderful. I think my dad is more concerned however I think most people who know me know there really is no point in saying anything negative anyway, I am not interested!

My grandmother however, an ex school teacher and teacher educator, althoug she was positive at first, kept asking me for years, as a form of manipulation, "when will Gen be going to highschool, dear? ". Even though we all told her many times, she wont be, granma just could never grok that. Of course she was, and is, a victim of alzheimers, so I guess that didnt help.

Dh's family- well, again, we are unconventional, they know there is no point saying anything - so at least ot my face, they are positive. I suspect they have "opinions" but who cares.

I dont rely emotionally heavily on my family, so its not a big deal to me anyway, but it is nice when they pay compliments to me about what I am doing.

[dawn of ns]

My parents and family thought it was a fantastic idea. My in-laws were fine except my MIL. She was worried BUT she's a wonderful woman and told us that regardless of what sh thought we're the parents and she'd respect our decision. She hasn't said a lot lately but I think she is now comfotable and likes the benefits like weekday visits from the grandchildren.

[Heather in Neverland]

My side of the family...yes, absolutely. In fact, I've started a trend because now my brother and his wife are going to homeschool! My dh's side of the family just think I am trying to be a "maverick". :lol:

[Jenny in Florida]

I mean, my husband has three brothers, but we have little contact with them and wouldn't have thought to consult them. I'm an only child and have had no contact with my parents (thank goodness) for years. So, it was really just my mother- and father-in-law.

 

My husband was concerned about his mom's opinion, because she had been very involved with the local public schools for years. She was president of the PTA and eventually managed an educational supply store where all of the public school teachers shopped.

 

But she was wonderful right from the start. She told him they had lots of homeschoolers who shopped in the store, too, and that she was impressed with both the kids and the parents. And she immediately started sending us books and things.

 

So, no, you're not alone. We didn't have to convince anyone. But then, I don't think I would have worried about it, anyway.

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

I'm the trailblazer with this in my family, so mom & dad were lukewarm. I did kind of "prep" them before the big announcement. We're military, so I would say things like, "All this moving around is really getting hard on the kids and school." or "Ds doesn't understand X topic because they didn't hadn't gotten to it at the old school and they'd already covered it in the new school." and the big kicker was when I'd tell them about the inappropriate things ds WAS learning (from the other kids.) And this was a Catholic school! So when I finally broke the news that we were planning to homeschool they were finally like, "It's about time you got them out of that place!"

 

The extended family were a little more "concerned" about my decision (to put it lightly) but they live in Mexico and this isn't very common there. I told them our reasons, but I'm sure they were convinced I was ruining the kids, especially on the socialization issue. Once we officially got started I would tell them things that we were doing ("Today the kids and I are making planets out of paper mache!" or "I can't talk now...we're running out the door to meet the homeschool group to go apple picking!") and I think they're coming around.

 

Dh's parents were totally fine from the start. I have 3 sil's who homeschooled their kids, so this wasn't a new thing for them. Also, my kids are #21-24 of the grandchildren, so they'd probably be ok with anything that we do (unless it's letting the kids go into knife juggling!)

 

-Mrs. F

[Chris in VA]

We were supported by both sides, but what's funny to me is that now, when dd is going to public school, my mom seems less supportive of homeschooling! I mean, maybe it's confusing the heck out of her, feeling the need to support both methods of education! We've been complaining a lot, tho, about ps, so maybe she just is trying to bring balance. She did pick up dd's second grade timeline and marvel over all we did in history last year--

[littlebug42]

I knew going into it that my family would be supportive since my older siblings both homeschool so it is a family affair. I was worried about my in-laws but wow, I was pleasantly surprised. They had some questions but were supportive from the onset. My MIL goes to a lot of garage sales, thrift stores etc and always has a list with her of books that I want. I have found more resistance among my friends, none of whom homeschool.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

We are fortunate enough to have total support from all the Grandparents. We also have lots of support from Aunts and Uncles, Godparents, and close friends. Some don't always understand what we do or why but we get very few negative responses. Many send books, website links, recommend educational tourist destinations, etc. The extended family has questioned us a bit more but nothing we can't handle.

 

This was one of the most positive aspects of beginning and one we didn't expect but are truly lucky to have.

[Paula in PA]

My father and dh's parents have been very supportive from the start. So were two of my sisters and one of my SILs. It was the other siblings and some of our nieces that have been the naysayers for us. These are the same ones who questioned many of our decisions regarding dd. They found out very quickly that we weren't going to pay attention to their opinions on homeschooling anymore than we did on extended bf or natural potty training. :D

[Moni]

How exactly are people supportive?

How do you recognize this in other people?

 

I'm thinking in terms of familiy/siblings who have their children in public school, private schools.

 

Am I supportive of their choice of PS?

How would I show it?

How would they know if it I were?

 

Am I supportive of their choice of Private School?

How would I show it?

How would they know if it I were?

 

Or maybe the nieces and nephews take swim lessons, or chess club, or scouts, or trumpet lessons.

Am I supportive of that? Are they supportive of things we do in my family?

 

I suppose I don't see homeschooling as a whole separate part of life to receive or seek support "for."

I see it as just part of parenting, a parenting method, manner, etc.

 

 

:seeya:

Edited February 11, 2009 by Moni

[PiCO]

So, is my experience as unique as it seems?

 

My whole family was supportive from the get-go. Both sides have ps teachers, also. The teachers asked a lot of questions, but in a curious way, not a looking-for-problems way.

 

My sil who is a teacher discusses educational philosophy with me. She actually asks my opinion sometimes.

 

I think our situation seems unique here because people with supportive families don't ask for advice on how to deal with them. ;) Same goes for people (like me) who love their sane, well-adjusted in-laws.

[danybug]

My mom was ultra supportive from the start, when we decided to pull our ds out of public school. And I know she is really proud of us for making the choice and being so dedicated to our children. She brags to everyone telling them that is what we are doing (not that most people think it is something to brag about).

 

My father didn't really say much, but he did mention the issue of socialization. I printed out the chapter on socialization from the WTM for him to read. I have never heard him mention anything about our choice again.

 

My in-laws have never really expressed much either way. They are not the type to really offer opinions on our life, which I totally love.

 

So, yes I have felt pretty lucky as well, to have the support of my family.

[Garga]

My parents are supportive (though I don't see them much as we live far away.) My mom says that she wished she knew about it when I was a kid, so she could have homeschooled me.

 

My in-laws seem sort of befuddled about it. They are under the impression that we'll only do it for a year or so, and make innocent comments to that effect. They are very kind people and never say anything negative directly. The more I talk about it, the more it seems to pique their interest, but they don't really understand it. Yet! I have a feeling that in a few years they'll be very supportive. They just need some time. They are very sweet people.

[Tree House Academy]

Not really. They pretended to be supportive, and they weren't all overly opposed, but I knew they had lots of questions and doubts. Now, I think the proof is in the pudding. Both my MIL and my mother have made kind comments similar to, "I am so glad you homeschool those kids...they are getting the best education imaginable!" Coming from my MIL who is a retired ps teacher and may have had the hardest time of all with my decision, it was truly a compliment!

[WTMindy]

We have been very blessed in this. Both my parents and dh's parents have not only been supportive, but they have been helpful. They both view their job as co-teacher with me. They do lots of home-ec with my dd, and my dad teaches my son wood-carving and to play the drums (they just started this). My mil teaches my kids piano lessons. And they all help by imparting Biblical truths to the kids.

[Jugglin'5]

My family is all supportive, including my mil and sil, both public school teachers, especially mil! My aunt paved the way on my side of the family.

[linders]

My mom worked for years as an aide at an elementary school and was still there when we started homeschooling. When I told her we were thinking about it, she said, "Thank heavens, you wouldn't believe what I see in my school, and the teachers get to spend so little time actually teaching." She then proceeded to inundate me with materials being purged from the school, like library books, worksheets, etc.

[Kelli in TN]

My mom was cautiously optimistic in the beginning. Now she is completely supportive. What's funny is that she is completely supportive my homeschooling and completely supportive of my brother's kids being in public school. She is just super cool like that, at least my brother and I think she is super cool. So do our kids.

 

My dad and his wife were completely sold out to homeschooling. They were also completely sold out to the idea that my stepsister had all of her kids in private school. And when my other homeschooling stepsister and I both ended up putting a child in public high school, they thought that was a great way to go under the circumstances (eerily similar circumstances, I might add). They are super cool that way. At least my step-siblings, half-siblings and all of our assorted offspring think they are super cool.

 

My in-laws? They were vehemently opposed to homeschooling or any alternative to public school. There were middle of the night phone calls, weeping, gnashing of teeth, whining, ruined family holidays and other melodramatic carrying-ons.

 

They have learned to shut up because we simply are not going to listen to them or give their point of view any consideration.

[Oakblossoms]

I wasn't too surprised ours was. My mom ended up homeschooling my sister at the end of High School. I had begged to be homeschooled, but she didn't think she could do it with me.

 

My SIL homeschooled her children and my husband lived with them, so he has a positive experience with it.

 

The most surprising was my Grandma. I thought she wouldn't. But, she is very supportive of homeschooling and told me a few weeks back that she wouldn't want to raise children in the world today. She always finds stuff in the newspaper to support homeschooling or give us neat project ideas.

 

I have an Aunt who is a childless and a Scientist. So, she helps keep us supplied for our Science work.

 

My sister thinks I'm a bit nutty, but her daughter wishes she could be homeschooled. So, who knows.

 

But, I'm so sad when I hear of families who's own in-laws or siblings threaten to turn them into Social Services and other such horrors. That makes me so sad.

[sassenach]

They were all either supportive or silent in their objections, which works for me. My most vocal objector was a neighbor.

[kewb]

Mine are supportive in that cautious we aren't really going to say anything way. Don't get me started on dh's family.

[Jlynn]

Yep...but my mom homeschooled my kid brother for high school years ago. And my sister was already homeschooling her kids. We thought my in-laws would have a problem with it too...but not a bit of that from them. They're just so happy that we care enough to do what we think is right. We all have other issues :tongue_smilie: but lack of support for our homeschooling isn't one of them.

[Tap]

My mom, was very supportive. She understood homeschooling though and saw it work.

 

Dh's family on his dad's side, I am not too certain. They were nice, asked questions, and didn't seemed too alarmed.

 

Dh's mom probably thought I was nuts....and still does.

[runamuk]

Both sides of the family are supportive in that they don't have anything negative to say about. My mom doesn't hesitate to tell me when she thinks I'm doing something she doesn't approve of, so her not saying anything is supportive.

 

My husband's family are more open to new ideas and, because they already thought of me as a bit odd - breastfeeding, cloth diapering, avoiding food dyes - homeschooling was just one more "odd" thing for me to do. :) They have a "live and let live" policy when it comes to raising children.

[ereks mom]

...my in-laws were less supportive of their decisions to homeschool.

Edited February 11, 2009 by ereks mom
typo

[Mommy22alyns]

Mine was, pretty much. My mom & dad were a little skeptical, but they then both had first-hand experience with Becca shortly afterwards that helped them understand our decision a lot better. MIL was okay with it from the start, which kind of surprised me. I'd dug in my heels preparing for a "fight," but she had no problem. :)

[SnowWhite]

My family was all supportive... I am a second generation homeschooler. My parents fought the unsupportive family battle back in the 80s.

[Jayne J]

My mother is a public school teacher.

My stepfather is a retired public school teacher.

My sister is a public school teacher.

My brother-in-law is a public school teacher.

My Grandmother, 2 cousins, an aunt and an uncle are all/have been public school teachers.

 

They almost all said "Thank Goodness!" (or something similar) when we very nervously announced that we were homeschooling.:D

 

Oddly, my ILs, who run a group home for toubled youth, and send these kids to public school, when they are allowed to (i.e. the kids don't have violent felony offenses) were concerned that our kids may turn out to be "weird." You know, that socialization thing...with the felons they ARE allowed to send to public school... Alas.

[Rosie_0801]

My fmaily live far enough away, and I am known to be already unconventional...

 

Same here really. Most of my relatives had some reservations. The inevitable socialization concerns came up. My father and sister who are probably the worst socialized people I know insisted the kids needed to go to school to get bullied because it is character building. Then one day they woke up and remembered the school system here sucks and decided I couldn't possibly do a worse job, so while they wouldn't do it themselves, good luck to me. My dad was a lot more comfortable with the idea after a) he tried whinging to his sister about it and she told him it was a **** sensible idea and b) I waffled on to him about maths curriculums. He seemed to think I wasn't going to teach them maths or something! My brother has always been on board, but he's an anarchist at heart :) The kids' godfather isn't really ok with the idea, except for year 11 and 12 because that program sucks more than the rest of the years put together; but his biggest problem is he wants me working outside the home. I don't think he wants me being a financial burden on dh, and his mother was the career woman so that's what he's used to. He'll come out with these things now and then, which is his right as the godfather, but I'm the parent so I don't have to do it if I don't want to. He knows nothing about children who are shorter than he is :) My SIL is against it from a defensive point of view, but we don't like her anyway and she's not even speaking to us at the moment. The parents in law are keeping quiet about it. Either they are venting to SIL or think I'm a psycho not worth battling with. They sent dh and his sister to private schools so I'm sure they'd prefer we did that, but they would recognise we can't afford it. If that ever turns into a battle, they'll get terribly offended by us and refuse to speak to us for months, since that's how things work in that family; and we'd enjoy the peace!

 

Rosie- who's conformist sister wants an "Educational Anarchist" tshirt even though she isn't. I told her she'd have to earn it ;)

Edited February 11, 2009 by Rosie_0801

[coralloyd]

Dh -extreemly supportive. He got in trouble and was kicked out of just about every school in his area; it all started with him getting bored in school.

I was hsed, so my parents were of course very supportive.

Il's didn't say much (we have very clear boundaries with them), but I think they see the benifits now, and are very happy.

[Ruthie]

I'm not sure if they were supportive or not. No one said anything. I kid you not. It was only after a yr or two, I heard inklings that my mom and one sis was concerned. My in-laws were more vocal, but they know they have no control over my dh.

 

Now everyone supports it and considers it a superior method. They are astounded by my kids. Didn't know kids could remain kind, loving, obedient and good to gparentsin their teens :tongue_smilie:.

 

Ruthie

[Colleen]

I doubt the manner in which my children are educated is of particular interest to anyone else. Just not on their radar.

[scubamama]

My crazy MIL said, "Homeschool? Where is that school at? I never heard of that one."

She is not on the same planet as the rest of us.

Because of her general nuttiness I disregard many of her opinions...who knows, maybe she's still looking for the location of "homeschool" :tongue_smilie:

 

Hee Hee!

 

Michele

 

ds6 dd4 dd 1.7 dh doesn't want his age listed

[cathmom]

How exactly are people supportive?

How do you recognize this in other people?

 

I'm thinking in terms of familiy/siblings who have their children in public school, private schools.

 

Am I supportive of their choice of PS?

How would I show it?

How would they know if it I were?

 

Am I supportive of their choice of Private School?

How would I show it?

How would they know if it I were?

 

Or maybe the nieces and nephews take swim lessons, or chess club, or scouts, or trumpet lessons.

Am I supportive of that? Are they supportive of things we do in my family?

 

I suppose I don't see homeschooling as a whole separate part of life to receive or seek support "for."

I see it as just part of parenting, a parenting method, manner, etc.

 

 

:seeya:

 

People are supportive by making positive comments, giving you things that help your homeschool, helping you problem-solve when things get tough (not saying, "You know, if you just put them in school..."), etc.

 

There are no other children in our extended family, so the issue of our support for other educational methods does not come up. I will say, however, that I have a friend who considered homeschooling for several years before finally deciding on public school. She thanked me for supporting her choice and told me I was the only homeschooler she knew who did not make any judgment of her for choosing public school. There are people who have considered my choice of homeschooling as making a comment on their choices, but it is not. For example, when we took our oldest out of school at the end of 1st, some other parents felt we were saying that the school was not good enough for our child and we were not able to maintain friendships made through the school.

[AndyJoy]

Well, my parents are very supportive, but I think I cheated!:D I announced at 19 that I was going to homeschool, pre-boyfriend, pre-marriage, pre-kids so they had lots of time to get used to it! At first my mom was a bit skeptical--warning me that it wouldn't be easy, it would take lots of dedication, it should be treated as seriously as full-time job, I shouldn't let my less-favored subjects slip, etc. Over the past 8 years, however, she has gotten fully on board. She's seen the degeneration of behavior at the rural Christian school at which she teaches and totally understands my issues with it. Also, she has thought of all the possibilities and even said she probably would have homeschooled if she had known about it!

 

My in-laws, however, are going to take more time. My SIL is a former public school teacher and her husband still is. I think my FIL is on board, as he trusts dh and me completely, but MIL is skeptical. Fortunately, she isn't comfortable saying anything contradictory outright to me, so I've been planting the seeds! When we are together, I ramble on about various benefits or things we'll do when we are homeschooling, and she listens and kinds of glowers but doesn't argue. Hopefully I'll win her over by the time my kid (6 weeks pregnant!) is school age.

 

By the way, my SIL has already taught her 3 year old to read and teaches high school English to homeschoolers in her home, so she may be a possible convert!

[MountainViewMama]

No way!! My in-laws hate that we do and my parents just tolerate it. Others in the family think we are weird and talk about us behind our back. I hate going to family functions because I know they are watching my son like a hawk and I have caught them quizing him!!!:angry: His own cousins treat him like an outsider because he is the only one homeschooled out of them. And there are a lot of cousins. He is such a sweet boy with a gentle heart but they don't care. I am getting teary eyed right now thinking about it. :crying: It is so frustrating to not have a family that you can share how things are going in your homeschooling day. I don't even bring up things that my son is doing anymore because I see there faces drop when I do. My parents are a little better about it and will ask how he is doing and what he is learning sometimes. It is so sad that my in-laws never ask about anything my son is doing and I have given up telling them. :sad: