Laura Corin Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 Feel free to throw in big or small positive things that you notice. It's easy to feel undervalued as we get older and to miss the benefits. I'm sixty, by the way. My first thoughts: Not giving a damn. At this stage in my life and career I try to be as kind as I can to people around me, but - with an empty nest and only a few years until retirement - I'm not as prepared to be treated badly or to see others treated badly. Choosing an appearance that appeals to me, without reference to whether it's sexually attractive. I am lucky enough to have a husband who has loved me for 35 years through all my shapes, looks and sizes, and only cares that I am happy with myself. I'm going for the crazed middle-aged librarian look. Allied to both of these - being sexually invisible in interactions with the outside world. People may be thinking 'silly old bat' but there is less likely to be any underlying sexual complication. Embracing technological aids without the embarrassment I might (wrongly) have felt when I was younger. I've worn glasses since I was a teenager, flirted with contact lenses, but am back to full time glasses and grateful for them. I am also overjoyed with the hearing aids I was given this year: I can interact easily with those around me and they also act as ear buds for streaming. What are your thoughts? 30 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 More life experience to draw from. It’s made me a better person. I don’t envy my 20-somethings who have a looser grasp of things, or my friends in their 30s who are facing big realizations. I’m hoping my 50s take me to an even higher level of understanding. I have considered transitioning toward a Stevie Nicks aesthetic, but for now I’m just super comfortable and happy to stick with my hoodies and leggings, or jeans, sweaters, and boots when needed. I’m also flirting with getting more tattoos 25 years since my last one. Because I’m a grown up and can do what I want. Right??? 15 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 An increasing sense of calm and overall feeling of "things will work out, one way or another" while having much less of a need to try to control how they work out. More of a sit-back-and-watch feeling. It's not exactly the same "don't give a damn" feeling you're talking about (which yes, is great) but more of a sense of knowing that both good and bad things happen, and they pass, and more good and bad things happen, repeat, repeat. So no need to get too worked up about things. 27 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eos Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 Pawz just spoke for me. Much more patience. I'm a bit of a hot-head, and I'm calming down a bit. Learning when to hold my tongue with the increased ability to do so. The absolute knowledge that This Too Shall Pass, plus learning how to wait for it to pass which might include just going to bed and sleeping til tomorrow as a positive choice, not out of depression or anxiety. Taking deep pleasure in very simple things. Like, my sense of smell with which I can smell approaching weather or animals and my excellent sense of balance that allows me to hike over challenging terrain. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 44 minutes ago, Eos said: This Too Shall Pass LOL, that exactly sums up what I was trying to say in a much wordier way. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 I’m happy to have my kids grown. I loved raising them but I often thought of myself as doing an extreme style of parenting. Homeschooling, cooking from scratch all our meals, driving them all over for all kinds of activities, limiting screens, etc etc. I was very hands on and very involved and very strict for lack of a better word. I always knew where they were and what they were doing and I had opinions on all of it. Surprisingly, to everyone, I’m pretty good at letting go once they are out of my home, which has been college. I worry about them, of course, and I’m always here for them but I don’t need to know where they are all the time and I don’t really care what job they decide to take or who they date. I care but I don’t CARE in the way I see some of my peers worked up about the details of their adult children’s’ lives. As long as they are not involved in toxic situations and they are safe I’m not getting into the details too much or fretting the small stuff of their lives or expecting them to do things my way. It is extremely freeing. 29 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toocrazy!! Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 Definitely experience. It’s the best teacher whether at my job or with my family. Having lived things is just different than reading about them. I have also learned to be more selfish I guess. Life is short, I need to do what’s best for me and my happiness instead of always worrying about what other people want me to do. Which is such a mom, daughter, wife thing to do. It seems counterintuitive, but it’s made my marriage and work situation better as well. A happy, fulfilled me is just better for everyone. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 2 hours ago, Carrie12345 said: More life experience to draw from. It’s made me a better person. I don’t envy my 20-somethings who have a looser grasp of things, or my friends in their 30s who are facing big realizations. I’m hoping my 50s take me to an even higher level of understanding. I have considered transitioning toward a Stevie Nicks aesthetic, but for now I’m just super comfortable and happy to stick with my hoodies and leggings, or jeans, sweaters, and boots when needed. I’m also flirting with getting more tattoos 25 years since my last one. Because I’m a grown up and can do what I want. Right??? Pretty much everything mentioned. Just going with what I'm comfortable wearing, letting things go, more relaxed about what the future may hold. Carrie - your style and mine sound very similar. I'm in the leggings, hoodies and tshirts stage, but definitely plan on the bohemian/Stevie Nicks, long white hair in a braid asthetic when I'm done working. More because flowy doesn't work teaching science from a safety perspective. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 Being done with periods and acne. Not worrying that my latest oops will get me fired. (If it does, yay, retirement!) Similarly - never ever needing to experience another job interview (unless I want to). Having enough life experience to be able to complete crosswords with little or no cheating. In addition to "this too shall pass," "we'll get there when we get there." Not worrying about the "long term" results of many things. Learning to hand off responsibilities, though I still have a way to go here. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toocrazy!! Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 Oh yes- yeah for no more periods and that awful 8-10 years of perimenopause. I feel way better now! And so true about the crossword puzzles. I’ve been doing them with my very smart 21 year old son, and I feel like a genius 🙂 they’re just meant for my demographic I guess! 8 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 I feel most everything written here! I just want to point out one aside that fits me personally… Re: The point Laura made about not giving a damn. I have come to finally realize at this late point in life that if I stop letting others mistreat me, it, by default, creates a tension between others and me that makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel like I am being mean or that it’s my fault. The skies are finally parting and I can begin to see that that “tension” is because the other person is being an ass, and that healthy people don’t absorb that tension and feel shame and guilt. If I’m going to be healthy, other people aren’t going to like it. I need to be comfortable with that. They can have their distorted perception of me, and I can be totally ok with that. This is how I imagine that most healthy people feel that don’t have that sense of guilt, and I want to be like that, too. And I am not saying I don’t care what other people think. I do. I care about what the people I care about think, up to a point. When things get toxic, it’s time to not give a darn and not absorb the toxicity that they are 100 responsible for. This is hard! At this age now, it’s getting clearer and easier. And yes to aging naturally and not giving a hoot about uncomfortable clothes and such. Yes to leggings and Altras. Every day. Yes to taking care of my skin but not caring if I am made up. I’m lucky to be able to do this as I work from home. (I know some can’t). Also, I want to find a safe place to solo camp this summer. I have discovered hip camps, and there is a gorgeous one an hour away where I can actually feel safe! I want this experience. I need to do this for ME. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 No more figs to give. It's quite freeing. Knowing that the kids will be okay if something happens to me; they have an education and are on their way in the world. Still waiting for that blessed stage of no periods. Uggh. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 30 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said: I feel most everything written here! I just want to point out one aside that fits me personally… Re: The point Laura made about not giving a damn. I have come to finally realize at this late point in life that if I stop letting others mistreat me, it, by default, creates a tension between others and me that makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel like I am being mean or that it’s my fault. The skies are finally parting and I can begin to see that that “tension” is because the other person is being an ass, and that healthy people don’t absorb that tension and feel shame and guilt. If I’m going to be healthy, other people aren’t going to like it. I need to be comfortable with that. They can have their distorted perception of me, and I can be totally ok with that. This is how I imagine that most healthy people feel that don’t have that sense of guilt, and I want to be like that, too. The next phase is not just being unbothered by the tension, but almost enjoying it. They wouldn’t feel any tension if they weren’t toxic. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 I know that I can do hard things. I've done hard things. Lots of them. So I'm not as flustered as my younger peers when we have to do hard things. I go home after work to a peaceful setting (after I feed the dog and cat). My coworker has young children and has no space to think at home. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 I really miss having babies and small children but the great thing about growing older is grandchildren. I can love them, spoil them, play on the floor with them and then they go home. It's so freeing not to be the one to raise them and worry all the worries parents have for them. And the love from them is so very different from being their parent. As if, it's on a whole other level. Their eyes light up when I'm around and that's the best thing ever. 11 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 2 hours ago, SKL said: Being done with periods and acne. Not worrying that my latest oops will get me fired. (If it does, yay, retirement!) Similarly - never ever needing to experience another job interview (unless I want to). Having enough life experience to be able to complete crosswords with little or no cheating. In addition to "this too shall pass," "we'll get there when we get there." Not worrying about the "long term" results of many things. Learning to hand off responsibilities, though I still have a way to go here. I cannot wait for that!!!! My most favorite thing is not being cat called walking around anymore. It started happening in middle school and went until a few years ago. It was always so scary and upsetting. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 I was surprised when, on my 60th birthday several years ago, instead of feeling kind of old and depressed, I just had a weird sense of relief and relaxation. Totally unexpected. People just don't have the same expectations of you, or maybe it was my own lack of caring. Either way, I felt free of it. And yes, I have been 10 ½ years without periods, and that, too, is freeing. There are things in life that I see with more clarity. So many many things that used to tie me up in knots, I realize are not really that important. So I am trying to be wise in my later years, and focus on living simply and intentionally. The relationships I value are where I want to spend my efforts and intent. Dh and I have also found a new footing. We laugh a lot, usually at ourselves. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PronghornD Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 Medicare -- I'm not quite there yet, but I'm looking forward to the savings. My mortgage is paid off. My mistakes can be written off as a symptom of old age. Actually, this is one I don't generally like. I got careless and fell full force on a wrist, and it broke. That break does NOT mean I am old and feeble. It means I had a moment of foolishness and should have either put on my shoes or removed my socks so that I'd have better traction! 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 Being comfortable in my own skin, not worrying or caring what other people think is definitely a plus about getting older. I used to get upset about stupid things, like what I will wear to an event, my weight, or feeling like I don't quite fit in with certain groups, but now I don't give a sh*t. It's very freeing. If I decide I don't want to do something, I don't do it. I'm not going to some event where I don't like most of the people or where I feel uncomfortable. When we were younger, mil was always insistent that we had to go to this party, or that wedding, or something at her brother's church. Now we just say no if we don't want to do it. Not having a period is the absolute best thing in the world! The 2-3 years of hot flashes wasn't fun, but now that they're gone, I love not having to think about periods, pads, cramps, etc. I've slowly been developing a 'don't sweat the small stuff, it's all small stuff' mindset over the years. I have a few areas in my life where I'm not quite there yet, but many other areas where I am. For example, my basement got quite a bit of water last night from the latest storm. In the past this would have really upset me and stressed me out. I knew it was coming last night, so I prepared as much as I could, and went to sleep thinking whatever happens will happen. We'll do what we need to do to clean up, but I'm not stressed about it at all. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathyl Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 My kids are grown and I know they'll be OK with or without me. And knowing they have each other, too. A lot like the following: 10 hours ago, teachermom2834 said: I’m happy to have my kids grown. I loved raising them but I often thought of myself as doing an extreme style of parenting. Homeschooling, cooking from scratch all our meals, driving them all over for all kinds of activities, limiting screens, etc etc. I was very hands on and very involved and very strict for lack of a better word. I always knew where they were and what they were doing and I had opinions on all of it. Surprisingly, to everyone, I’m pretty good at letting go once they are out of my home, which has been college. I worry about them, of course, and I’m always here for them but I don’t need to know where they are all the time and I don’t really care what job they decide to take or who they date. I care but I don’t CARE in the way I see some of my peers worked up about the details of their adult children’s’ lives. As long as they are not involved in toxic situations and they are safe I’m not getting into the details too much or fretting the small stuff of their lives or expecting them to do things my way. It is extremely freeing. A second great thing about getting older. Saying NO. It feels wonderful to be able to say NO just because it's what I WANT to say and because it's the right thing for me to say - for myself - in the particular moment. 3rd. Living where I actually want to live for once in my life. 4th. Having dealt with cancer and the treatments. Not that it makes every day special for me (it doesn't really). But that I now KNOW that I can deal with very hard things - and survive, even thrive. 5th. My faith. Time really has made it all real for me. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 I'm calmer and more at peace in many ways. I feel like I'm seeing the world through a different lens, and I'm grateful for so much of the good that is there. Looking back, there is even more good to outweigh the bad. I know many people act like being older means you get to say what you want, do what you want, and it doesn't matter. I don't feel like that at all. I want what I say and how I act to be even better than I did when I was younger. I want my words to be remembered as loving and kind. I want to make someone's day better. I want to have a positive impact on the people I encounter. None of us know how many days we have left, so why spend them being rude just because we can get away with it? Honestly, I feel like I don't even think of rude things to say to people much anymore. 9 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 I agree with everyone above. I've discovered jeggings, what a marvel. I buy them a size too big so they're not really leggings but more like super comfortable, stretchy jeans that don't need to be broken in. They look okay to me and that's all that matters! I'm still not through perimenopause, but I can glimpse that golden land of no more pads in the near future. Fingers crossed. The financial security to not give a fig (thanks, @regentrude) about dh's job. If he has a bad year and gets early retired, it's okay. And I'd like to add: Senior Discounts!!! I was actually psyched to turn 55. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 28 minutes ago, chiguirre said: And I'd like to add: Senior Discounts!!! I was actually psyched to turn 55. One of my favorite is the senior national parks pass -- we can camp for $10 a night in many places! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 not caring what people think willing to confront issues moreso than in the past I'm dealing with a issue now and trying to decide my boundaries no more periods - the hysterectomy was the best investment that I've ever made clothing - I'm in the boho/vintage-ish/historybounding phase. I just started a part-time job at a library, so I'm exploring work attire for the first time since 2020 exploring new things without concern of whether I'm good enough to do so in a weird way - narrowing the bucket list. As I age and have health concerns and financial limits, the possiblities for my life are shifting. There are literally things that I wanted to do before that I can no longer consider an option. It's freeing in that it is helping me define who I can be now and in this place. better relationships - I feel like SO and I are compatible and we've never fought in the few years we've been together. Part of it is our age, where things like how one does the dishes really don't matter. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Porridge Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 On 1/10/2024 at 5:57 AM, regentrude said: No more figs to give. ? Could you explain? Is it a reference to the poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 @Laura Corin Thanks for starting this thread! It's refreshing to think about the positive aspects to aging, rather than the negatives. I'm happy that I am in a place of contentment with what I've accomplished, while still being excited to try new things. I've had to 'retire' from a few activities that are now too physically demanding, but I've found replacements are I love. I don't look back with regret about these things. I did what I could at that moment, and now I'm moving onto new things. I'm more confident now in my workplace to ask questions and seek support when needed. I've noticed that others are often experiencing similar challenges, so it's not because I'm 'old' it's that these things are challenging to many. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 46 minutes ago, Porridge said: ? Could you explain? Is it a reference to the poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay? Would it make it clearer if I replaced figs by f&*$s? 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Buckin' Longhorn Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 I feel 100% free. My entire life I have been “too much.” Too big, too loud, too much hair, too much makeup, too emotional, too … everything. Now I get to be too much all day every day and don’t care how anyone feels about it. I have finally created a life and business where too much is just enough. I love it. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 4 hours ago, chiguirre said: I agree with everyone above. I've discovered jeggings, what a marvel. I buy them a size too big so they're not really leggings but more like super comfortable, stretchy jeans that don't need to be broken in. They look okay to me and that's all that matters! I've made the same discovery! They're so comfortable! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Porridge Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 51 minutes ago, regentrude said: Would it make it clearer if I replaced figs by f&*$s? 😂 yes! Now I understand… 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 (edited) Yes to all of the above! My mind is on my job and retirement at the moment, so thinking of those first. I straightened my hair for years for the "corporate look." My hair is now gray, curly, and often frizzy, and I love the ease of it. I've also shifted to wearing flat shoes and comfortable clothes. Comfort over conformity. I've noticed that initially, some new consultants or colleagues might overlook me based on appearance, but a few sentences into a conversation, they start to notice. My reputation and accomplishments speak for themselves. I'm circling and will be coming in to land for retirement soon. My filter has always been a bit shaky, and now it's completely broken! I speak up and share my unfiltered thoughts and call things as I see them. I can coach and mentor younger colleagues to boost their confidence, identify their strengths and to reach their goals. They trust my "wisdom" and see me as a confidant. I've worked hard at building an emotional vocabulary and understanding psychology We did not speak about how we felt in my family. You were stoic and kept your chin up. As Ive got older, I learned to identify and express my emotions and clearly articulate my needs and wants. When I was young, I couldn't name what I was feeling. My girls have a headstart on myself at their ages. I'm not afraid to show my vulnerability with close friends and family. It has strengthened our bonds. I have a bit more time to 'do my own thing' now that the kids have flown the coop. I started art classes and found that as I no longer fear judgement, it just flows. I've made some drawings and paintings that I am proud of! No more underwire bra's! If you've stared long enough to notice the 'books' are not completely lifted and seperated, you've stared for too long. I'm post menopausal. What a relief! I can coach and mentor younger colleagues to boost their confidence, identify their strengths and to reach their goals. They trust my "wisdom" and see me as a confidant. Edited January 11 by Hannah Font size and spacing which are still odd 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 I didn't mention too much about not trying to force myself into the current style etc., because I think I got over that years ago. I was that weird co-worker who was discussed for wearing a certain color socks (of all things), my odd hours, and probably a hundred other things. I have never done makeup or hair coloring, and I only wore heels - 1" max - for events / meetings that required professional dress. Up to around age 30, I constantly worried that I wasn't good enough. One day that just changed. If I'm not enough, then nobody is. So my best is by definition enough. 😛 Since then, I've tried to give that kind of perspective to younger people. I wish everyone didn't have to go through those years of feeling inadequate and fearing rejection. I wish my kids didn't have that to look forward to. 😞 But that's another good thing about being older - I can use what I've earned/learned to give others a softer landing - whether it's by reassuring my younger sibs, material giving to those in need, promising my kids they can always return home if in need, or whatever other way. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathyl Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 For anyone who's interested in the park passes: I got a Lifetime Senior Pass for the National Parks for $80. I think you are eligible at 62yo. It gets me and (3? they're not usually picky) people in the car with me into the park. I also get a (TX) state park pass every year for $70. It gets me and whoever's in the car with me into the park. Along with that, I buy a second pass for $25 for ds who lives with us. Ds runs in one of the nearby state parks several times a week. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 31 minutes ago, SKL said: I wish everyone didn't have to go through those years of feeling inadequate and fearing rejection. I'm 56 and still feel that way. I wish I could get to the point where so many of you are now. ❤️ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasProud Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 I am 56, so not sure if that counts as being older, but definitely have felt panicked by my mortality lately. What I like? No periods. They quit around 50 and I do not miss that AT ALL!!! I've always worn what I wanted regardless of fashion, so no change there. I am enjoying not being responsible for anyone's well being anymore: making sure I did everything "right" raising my children (though some of it was wrong in retrospect. Man I wish there was a checklist that was absolutely correct.), taking care of my dad, husband's grandmother, and then my mom. So many medical decisions and things. Such a weight. Only parent left is my husband's and she is in good health. Her daughters live 5-10 minutes from her, so the bulk of care will not fall to me. So I am enjoying being free. However, I feel the weight of desperately trying to make sure I am not a burden that my husband and/or children need to take care of. I don't know. My death just feels so close. Panic is real. I am not sure what else I enjoy. Life feels way too wide open for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 So glad that there are some positives to look forward to. I just need to hanging for a few more years to get there. I am in the state of having negative things happening and are definitely at the me needing DH or my kids to look after me. I guess it could be defined as me being a burden. Though I try not to look at it like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 I love that my life is established. I recognize that could not be true for some people my age (52), but for me, it’s deeply peaceful to live in a good house, have functional cars, have a good income, have a wide friend group and activities, have established work, and have gotten two of three kids out living as fully or mostly independent adults. It’s good! I also think (again, this is for me personally; not true for everyone my age), my health is good enough that I can enjoy a lot of the benefits of being established. So I have the freedom and resources to do things like a big hike or a kayaking trip. Or can fly to another country and experience their own mountains/lakes/winding paths in forests. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolate-chip chooky Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 I'm enjoying the different seasons of parenting and now grandparenting. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 (edited) On 1/16/2024 at 8:18 AM, Ginevra said: I love that my life is established. I recognize that could not be true for some people my age (52), but for me, it’s deeply peaceful to live in a good house, have functional cars, have a good income, have a wide friend group and activities, have established work, and have gotten two of three kids out living as fully or mostly independent adults. It’s good! I also think (again, this is for me personally; not true for everyone my age), my health is good enough that I can enjoy a lot of the benefits of being established. So I have the freedom and resources to do things like a big hike or a kayaking trip. Or can fly to another country and experience their own mountains/lakes/winding paths in forests. This. All of this plus no periods. In our case we're fortunate to have a good retirement income. Edited January 17 by Lady Florida. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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