Male ear piercing, reasons not to allow? advice?

[East Coast Sue]

My son (16) wants to pierce both ears. He thinks it’ll be fashionable and attract girls. I’m having a hard time thinking through why I’m against it or concerned that it’s not a wise choice for him. Give me your words of wisdom, please. 

[Heartstrings]

Ear piercings don’t have to be permanent.  He can always let one or both close if he wants to later. You might be thinking through the lens of your own high school where a boy piercing might have caused a ruckus but honestly with kids today it’s no different than pink hair.   It won’t have the social ramifications that you are fearing.   It’s just not a big deal.  

Edited August 18, 2022 by Heartstrings

[Katy]

Idk what part of the country you are in, but there are definitely conservative areas and fields in liberal areas where that could have long term job ramifications. It’s like a tattoo in an area that cannot be hidden. I’d rather an 18 year old tattoo a full sleeve because at least that can be hidden under a shirt. 

[gstharr]

8 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

Ear piercings don’t have to be permanent.  He can always let one or both close if he wants to later. You might be thinking through the lens of your own high school where a boy piercing might have caused a ruckus but honestly with kids today it’s no different than pink hair.   It won’t have the social ramifications that you are fearing.   It’s just not a big deal.  

I agree with you completely. Yet. I told my new 12 grader that he can not do it until he is 18 y.o. and not under my roof.  I guess it is because I don't have tats or piercings.

[Melissa Louise]

It's fine, it doesn't matter in the least.

I didn't allow piercings till 14+ b/c they creep me out and I don't want to do piercing care, but a 16 yr old boy getting his ear/s pierced? Literally a non-event. 

[Melissa Louise]

If he needs to.let the holes close later for a job or whatever, that's really no big deal. 

[Terabith]

6 minutes ago, Katy said:

Idk what part of the country you are in, but there are definitely conservative areas and fields in liberal areas where that could have long term job ramifications. It’s like a tattoo in an area that cannot be hidden. I’d rather an 18 year old tattoo a full sleeve because at least that can be hidden under a shirt. 

Don't ear holes heal up if you take out the piercings?  This seems in the same category as hair choices to me, like a complete non issue.  (And I think the fields/ areas where this would cause real issues are pretty few and small.)

[marbel]

I don't know what I would do in the situation, I just wanted to comment on the piercings closing. I have known several men who had their ears pierced in their teens and let them close, but when standing close enough to have a conversation, the old piercing was obvious.  Maybe it has to do with how long the piercing was in use before it was allowed to close. Probably not a big deal but it's just not necessarily going to close up and vanish completely.

 

[Katy]

Just now, Terabith said:

Don't ear holes heal up if you take out the piercings?  This seems in the same category as hair choices to me, like a complete non issue.  (And I think the fields/ areas where this would cause real issues are pretty few and small.)

They may or may not heal, depending on whether they’re in the fleshy part or the cartilage part, but piercings scar either way. And many boys who want both ears pierced do it to get gauges and stretch their ears, which is permanent. You can have a dermatologist or plastic surgeon repair them, but the scars are visible. 

[JustEm]

I can certainly still see my earlobe piercings but not my cartilage piercings (I can feel the scar tissue there though.) I can also see dh's old holes. Both of ours have closed completely in the back but the fronts aren't closed.

[GoVanGogh]

I am in a very conservative area of the south, though personally am very liberal. It would be a total non issue for me. Even though this is a conservative area, I see tons of men with piercings. I also see a lot of tats. I don’t think in this day that it is an issue, except maybe for a corporate lawyer or bank exec. 

[JustEm]

With that being said, I don't think there are any cons to a male having simple ear lobe piercings. I don't think piercings become an issue unless people stretch their lobes purposely to make the hole larger. That can certainly hamper job opportunities in some professions.

[Terabith]

3 minutes ago, Katy said:

They may or may not heal, depending on whether they’re in the fleshy part or the cartilage part, but piercings scar either way. And many boys who want both ears pierced do it to get gauges and stretch their ears, which is permanent. You can have a dermatologist or plastic surgeon repair them, but the scars are visible. 

Okay, yeah, gauges would be a big deal.  I didn't realize they could scar.  Nobody in our family, myself included, has pierced ears, so I honestly know little about it.  In no way opposed to it, and we let my oldest get an eyebrow stud at 16.  I just don't have mental bandwidth to add earrings to things I have to make decisions about.  

[Ethel Mertz]

Not a problem at all.

[Selkie]

Where I live (rural midwest) pierced ears on males are very common.

To add to the conversation about holes closing up - my dh had a pierced ear in his younger days (teens and early twenties) that closed up completely once he stopped wearing an earring. 

[City Mouse]

If you would allow a 16yr old daughter to get ear piercing, then I see no reason to not allow a 16 yr old male child get them. 
My DH is 55 yrs old. He has had an ear pierced since he was 19 and works in a traditionally male dominated profession. While he dies not wear any ear rings while at work, having the hole visible has never been an issue-Even back in the early 1990’s when visible tattoos were still not allowed.

Edited August 18, 2022 by City Mouse

[marbel]

1 hour ago, East Coast Sue said:

He thinks it’ll be fashionable and attract girls.

If you want to talk things through with him.... you could ask him what he will do when it goes out of fashion. Why is it important to be fashionable? You could also discuss the idea of doing it just to attract girls - is this really something he wants to do for himself, or just for attracting girls? For all he knows, there may be girls he would like who would be turned off by a young man wearing earrings. (That may be far-fetched, I don't know.) 

I just think you have a few things to discuss with him about this. Not to talk him out of it, but to get to his motivations and why they may or may not be reasonable. 

I don't know, but I think if a person posted that their 16-year-old daughter said she wanted to do something (semi?) permanent to her body to attract boys, people might find that worthy of some conversation. 

[vonfirmath]

51 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Don't ear holes heal up if you take out the piercings?  This seems in the same category as hair choices to me, like a complete non issue.  (And I think the fields/ areas where this would cause real issues are pretty few and small.)

Not necessarily. I have holes in both of my ears that have gone years -- sometimes without earrings but have not healed up. And often months

[mellifera33]

My grandpa had a pierced ear when he was in the Navy in WW2. It was pulled out in a fistfight, so he had a little scar on his earlobe. It never seemed to cause him any trouble when he worked in the petroleum industry in the 50s-70s. 

[Heartstrings]

54 minutes ago, gstharr said:

I agree with you completely. Yet. I told my new 12 grader that he can not do it until he is 18 y.o. and not under my roof.  I guess it is because I don't have tats or piercings.

🤣. Consistency is over rated.    I’ve told my kids that if they need my signature they aren’t old enough to do it, but I would break that for a SIMPLE piercing. Ear holes, simple nose piercings, belly button, I wouldn’t care.  No one has asked though.  So far my kids are so straight laced it’s almost boring. 

[J-rap]

Not a problem at all. If there’s a job interview or occasion where he doesn’t want earrings, then just don’t wear earrings. I can’t imagine anyone caring about any tiny pinhole on an earlobe. 

[mommyoffive]

5 minutes ago, J-rap said:

Not a problem at all. If there’s a job interview or occasion where he doesn’t want earrings, then just don’t wear earrings. I can’t imagine anyone caring about any tiny pinhole on an earlobe. 

I have never in my life even thought to look at anyone for possible old piercing holes.  

I have old earring  holes and I don't even think to notice them on myself.  

[katilac]

I see no reason to not let a 16-yr-old get their ears pierced. 

He's 5 or 6 years away from having to consider corporate politics and nuances, and the number of places that would be aghast at just piercings, with the jewelry removed for work, is already vanishingly small. I know men who wear earrings in almost every line of work, no big deal. At some places, they wouldn't want you to wear really big or wild ones, but then that's true for females as well. 

I've never known anyone to have visible scarring from a standard piercing. If you quit wearing jewelry, it may or may not close up. It's a small, inconspicuous hole if it's still open, a small, inconspicuous dot if it closes. If a person somehow gets scarring and also has a fierce desire to work somewhere where that would be shocking and verboten, they can have treatment to make it less visible. 

I'd really hate for my teens to be that concerned over what the corporate machine might think of such small matters in the future. 

[rebcoola]

Pierced ears in boys are very common here even with conservatives. I wouldn't allow gages but regular piercings are nothing.

[KidsHappen]

2 hours ago, Katy said:

They may or may not heal, depending on whether they’re in the fleshy part or the cartilage part, but piercings scar either way. And many boys who want both ears pierced do it to get gauges and stretch their ears, which is permanent. You can have a dermatologist or plastic surgeon repair them, but the scars are visible. 

One of my dd had gauges and she stopped wearing them and her ears returned to a normal piercing size. She can wear regular earrings and you can not tell that she ever had gauges. She had a nose piercing that you can no longer see as well. I had pierced ears for about 20 years and haven't worn earrings in maybe 30 years now and you can not tell that they were pieced. However, I will admit that it may be something genetic about our skin. I gained 75 pounds with some of my pregnancies and had 10 1/2 pound babies and don't have stretch marks. The scars from my recent surgery are barely visible and I have no doubt will be almost invisible in time. Not everyone will necessarily have the same results and there isn't really anyway to know ahead of time.

[KidsHappen]

If I would allow my 16 year old dd do it then I would let a 16 year old son do it as well. For me personally I don't think it is any big deal and in general I don't think it is a big deal socially. 

[BusyMom5]

2 hours ago, marbel said:

If you want to talk things through with him.... you could ask him what he will do when it goes out of fashion. Why is it important to be fashionable? You could also discuss the idea of doing it just to attract girls - is this really something he wants to do for himself, or just for attracting girls? For all he knows, there may be girls he would like who would be turned off by a young man wearing earrings. (That may be far-fetched, I don't know.) 

I just think you have a few things to discuss with him about this. Not to talk him out of it, but to get to his motivations and why they may or may not be reasonable. 

I don't know, but I think if a person posted that their 16-year-old daughter said she wanted to do something (semi?) permanent to her body to attract boys, people might find that worthy of some conversation. 

This was my first thought, too.  Attracting girls is a bad reason to pierce your ears!  It just sounds really immature.  

[SKL]

My daughter's boyfriend, age 16, has at least one earring, if that helps.  😛

Well here's what I did when my kid said she wanted a nose piercing.  I said, I will not sign for it, so it won't be legal for anyone to pierce your nose until you are 18.  She said, well then, I'm going to buy a kit.  I gave appropriate warnings about infections etc.  She got her kit and pierced her nostril.  She's still alive.

I am not a fan of nose piercings, nor of boys' ear piercings (at least not for my own kids); but at 16, I don't mind them doing something that is within general societal norms.  One or two earrings would not freak me out.  If they want a face full of metal, that will have to wait until they are 18.

[SKL]

Someone's post just reminded me of a professional colleague from back around 2000.  He was about 30yo and he got an ear pierced.  I was surprised, but he would just take his earring out when he needed to make a professional impression.  It was no big deal.

[katilac]

1 hour ago, BusyMom5 said:

This was my first thought, too.  Attracting girls is a bad reason to pierce your ears!  It just sounds really immature.  

I mean, he's 16, sounds pretty much at the norm for maturity. Getting your ears pierced is a very minor decision, so I think having very minor reasons for it is valid.

Unless you practice certain religions, you pretty much get your ears pierced because you think it will look attractive. 

[Tap]

Male ear piercings are no different than girl's.  No biggie once they are able to do self care and aren't in a sport that makes it difficult to care for.

[Carrie12345]

I feel a little weird about the idea of doing it to attract girls, but the piercing itself is a non-issue for me.
Nobody cares about a tiny little indent in an ear lobe. I get pretty darn close to dh, and still rarely remember that he has a closed hole.  I just looked at my 2nd and 3rd holes in the mirror, and I find it hard to believe anyone in the world notices them.

And, honestly, does anyone want to be associated in any way with a person or organization in the future that can’t handle a minuscule dot on a flap of skin?  Doesn’t sound like it would be a healthy environment.

[Drama Llama]

I wouldn’t mind my kid getting his ears pierced at this age, but I am curious about people’s certainty that you can just let the holes close up.  

I have twice gone about 10 years without putting anything in my holes and then  had no problems putting earrings in.  I definitely still have visible holes.

Are my ears just weird? 

[MercyA]

I'd likely allow it, but require him to have it done at a professional tattoo / piercing parlor.

Tattoo parlors have to meet certain standards for cleanliness and their employees are better trained than, say, a teenager working at Claire's. Mall piercing will likely involve a piercing gun, which pushes earrings through the ears with blunt force. You get more scarring and damage that way--and the plastic guns are impossible to disinfect properly and thoroughly. If he has it done at a parlor, they will use a hollow needle to create the holes. It's cleaner and more precise with less damage. 

[Junie]

39 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I wouldn’t mind my kid getting his ears pierced at this age, but I am curious about people’s certainty that you can just let the holes close up.  

I have twice gone about 10 years without putting anything in my holes and then  had no problems putting earrings in.  I definitely still have visible holes.

Are my ears just weird? 

I read somewhere a long time ago that piercings done before about age 12 do not close while those done later do.

I had my ears pierced for my 10th birthday and mine never close, even going years without wearing earrings.

[Tanaqui]

Your son is 16. I would not make a rule for a 16 year old that I need to ask other people to help me justify. I feel like this sort of thing just undermines my own authority. I certainly didn't respect people who made rules like that and expected me to follow them when I was that age!

[HS Mom in NC]

If you don't live in Smalltown, Red Bubbledom, USA then yes,  it is a current fashion.  I see it here in greater Raleigh bordering on the rural part, and this isn't exactly a social environment like Portland, Oregon.

 If a place of business is likely to discriminate against applicants, he can just take the earrings out.  We're talking about earrings and not gauges, right? Whether they close up later or not (I have 3 piercings in my left ear.  One closed, the others didn't.) it really shouldn't matter because those holes are tiny.

[QueenCat]

It's a non-issue to me. And could create tension issues if forbidden since it shouldn't be a big deal. 

[Carrie12345]

1 hour ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I wouldn’t mind my kid getting his ears pierced at this age, but I am curious about people’s certainty that you can just let the holes close up.  

I have twice gone about 10 years without putting anything in my holes and then  had no problems putting earrings in.  I definitely still have visible holes.

Are my ears just weird? 

My holes aren’t closed but, unless I’ve recently worn earrings, they’re not “holes” in the visible sense. Just little dots. Smaller than some of my beauty marks, almost as small as problematic pores!

[Jenny in Florida]

By 16, I would assume a fair amount of bodily autonomy is warranted, especially for things that are so minimally invasive. 

Neither of my kids has their ears pierced, but that was entirely their choice. I would have been fine with either one piercing one or both ears any time after age 13 or 14.

[73349]

With a 16yo, I would allow ear piercings (and hair styles) without restriction (but still not tattoos anywhere not typically covered by clothes). I would make sure he's clear on the fact that it will hurt for a while and need special cleaning, and extra care if his skin turns out to be sensitive to some metals.

Edited August 18, 2022 by 73349

[heartlikealion]

I would be more concerned about how it was done than him wanting it done. Have him go to a reputable tattoo parlor as opposed to a place that has a not as sterile gun option (ie. Claire's). 

I never got my ears pierced. I was pressured into it by family but the gun was broken when we go there LOL. Years later I got an eyebrow pierced at a tattoo shop, but my body rejected it and it migrated out. 

[Heartstrings]

I just wanted to throw out an FYI that it’s now recommended that piercings be done at tattoo parlors.   Those guns at Claire’s aren’t possible to fully sanitized and tattoo artists have more training.  I would think that a piercing done properly would be more likely to heal up small if he decides to do that later.  

[annandatje]

What better time to experiment than the young adult years prior to entering corporate world?

Ear piercings are not noticeable unless a person wears earrings.  Thus, if he is unhappy with the results, the piercing will eventually "close" on its own or at least be barely visible.  He is young and wants to be cool; step aside and give him his moment in the sun.  Be happy that he is not choosing a self-destructive road to coolness.

 

[sweet2ndchance]

I wouldn't care about ear piercing at 16 for any of my boys or girls. I would have some concern over the reasoning though. If the only reason they wanted it was to have others find him pleasing, then I would want to have a talk about doing things just to please others. Does he himself like the look? If it suddenly went out of fashion for some reason would he be okay with a possible scar or mark left behind? I wouldn't say no absolutely not to a 16 year old over this though.

[Spryte]

4 hours ago, annandatje said:

What better time to experiment than the young adult years prior to entering corporate world?

Ear piercings are not noticeable unless a person wears earrings.  Thus, if he is unhappy with the results, the piercing will eventually "close" on its own or at least be barely visible.  He is young and wants to be cool; step aside and give him his moment in the sun.  Be happy that he is not choosing a self-destructive road to coolness.

 

Yep. Complete agreement here. Ear piercings and hair experimentation (color, cuts) are very high on my list of “go ahead and do it!” for that age group. I might feel rather differently about permanent changes that will be noticeable later, but ear piercing holes are no big deal, even in my conservative area. 

[rebcoola]

6 hours ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I wouldn’t mind my kid getting his ears pierced at this age, but I am curious about people’s certainty that you can just let the holes close up.  

My ears have also never closed up despite going years without Earrings.  I think of the holes as visible but I have had friends ask if my ears are pierced so it's apparently not as obvious to others. My ears are not covered by hair.

[wathe]

I would.  But I would also definitely be having a discussion about body image, peer pressure, and body modification to please others.  And also a discussion about medical risk

 The social consequences here would be zero.  And an earring can be removed when necessary.  The actual hole is tiny and not likely to cause any problems.

I will argue that ear-piercing is not equivalent to hair choices.  Ear piercing is invasive and permanent (in the sense that even if one lets the holes close, their will likely be a scar, and it's impossible to predict how small that scar will be) and comes with some medical risk.  Hair cuts, not.  Ear-piercings gone wrong are definitely a thing I see in the ED; hair cuts gone wrong are not.  Local site infections, systemic infections from unclean equipment (including hepatitis, HIV, infective endocartditis), keloid scars, torn ear-lobes from earrings being caught and ripped out, embedded earrings that require surgical removal, local allergic reactions to nickle....    WRT to hair, the only thing I have ever seen is  local allergic reactions to hair dye - generally self-limited and less serious/permanent than piercing complications. ( I know that burns from chemical relaxers can be a thing too, but have never seen in my practice).

[Storygirl]

DS18 has both ears pierced and a nose ring. He got the ears pierced when he was 17 and the nose piercing when he was 18.

DH was against it. I didn't like the idea, personally, but thought DS should get to make his own choices. My main concern was that DS was going to be applying for jobs, and I wasn't sure how piercings would be received. DS has a job coach, and the coach said it was really no big deal nowadays for most employers.

Having both ears pierced is definitely a common fashion choice currently for young men.

[Storygirl]

Oh, I will add that I was also concerned with how well DS would take care of the piercings. This is due to his personality and not a concern that I would have with everyone. He did have some trouble with a few things during the healing process, and it was annoying that we had to help him with those things, since we were not entirely in favor of the piercings. We had to take him back to the tattoo parlor a couple of times to help fix his nose ring issues. But we got through that period eventually.

Even though we were hesitant, and even though the experience had some hurdles, now the piercings really are no big deal.

When DS wants to make choices with his appearance that seem out of the norm (not just piercings, in his case), DH and I do struggle, so I empathize with parents who have feelings about this kind of thing. I worry more about peer acceptance. DH struggles more with having a conservative viewpoint and wishing DS would fit into it.

DS wants us to "let me be who I am," and by the late teens, that supercedes the issues that DH and I struggle with. It hasn't been easy, though.