Poll: How do your spouse contribute to parenting/homeschooling?

[LBC]

In my community there seem to be quite a few homeschool moms who do everything with their children, and very few homeschool fathers who are involved. I'm wondering if this is common among homeschoolers. For example, when I take my dc to after school activities, I see many fathers driving their children, or taking their children out, but with my homeschooling friends the mothers seem to do all of that.

 

Lori

Edit: I can't believe I didn't proofread the only part of the post that I can't edit! Sorry about that.

 

He definitely does have a role in caring for the children although it's not just in the homeschooling area. I guess I found that option a bit off-putting, maybe it was just the wording that threw me.

I regret not making that option clearer. I've never set up a poll before, and I was trying to use as few words as possible - which is totally out of character for me...

In hindsight, where I said, "Contributes to family finances, but not involved with care of children." could have been worded differently if I'd had a paragraph. I think all fathers contribute at a certain level, but some see it more as the mother's "job" to handle the decisions and maintenance of the children, while the father's "job" is to bring in the money. Does that make more sense? My dh is not very actively involved, but just having him walk through the door of our home sets a different tone, and has a calming effect.

Edited December 4, 2008 by LBC

[newbie]

It always makes me happy and smile when I see dads at parent meetings or homeschooling.

 

My dh hasnt stepped in til this yr. Because I refuse to do Science labs. He is enjoying it, and always asks about her grades after they are done.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

so I can stay at home and homeschool. He doesn't do much schooling of the children other than to help with science when I ask.

 

He takes care of the traditional man-stuff around the house (yard work, car maintenance, house repair) and includes the children in it whenever possible.

 

I answered "other" because I didn't see an answer that included caring for the children outside of homeschooling them, and I consider his efforts in training them to do house/car stuff just as important to any schooling I do.

 

hth

K

[Colleen in NS]

Dh earns the money to support us. He listens to me when I'm mulling over how to teach something or planning what books to use, even though he leaves the decisions to me for the most part. Although he did vote for doing Spanish instead of French when I was resisting the pressure to do French here in Canada. :) This year he took over doing Bible teaching. He also teaches music/piano skills. He occasionally teaches a grammar or math lesson, or reads history/science to the kids if I have to go out to an appointment. For the skilled lessons, I just tell him to follow the exact TM instructions, no matter how long it takes, LOL! Funnily, it takes less time for him, probably because the kids think it's a novelty to have Daddy teach those things, so they don't protest about how bored they are.

[mellifera]

Now that our oldest is doing high school math, he does help with the math (if he's here when said child is doing math). I'm sure he would do the same with the science, but ds1 tends to get that done before dh comes home.

[AnnetteB]

DH handles the financial end, brings home all our library holds since the car broke down :((, and he has always brought home the groceries since he drives right by our favorite stores. I don't care for shopping and he has always enjoyed it. He will hunt for the wildest ingredients and even dash in and out of BB&B with a coupon and description of desired sale item...He is my hero. When he arrives home from work each day he lets dd, 8, count his pocket change for the practice and soon dh, 5 will have a go at it. Dh, 5 reads him the days new words from his phonics program or shows him something he has drawn during the day. He reads chapter books to the children at night, the Children's Bible and prays with them. The man is quite exhausted at the end of his long days, but he gives them a little bit of encouragement and that goes along way. He also looks the other way when the housekeeping slides and will pitch in on the weekend to restore order. I know that I couldn't home educate without his support. I checked "other"

[jonesloonybin]

Dh is the sole income and he also drives the kids to activities and his job allows him the ability to take time off to "volunteer" on field trips with our group. He reads to the youngest every night and helps the oldest with her math. He has just arranged his schedule so he can have every other Friday off. He is looking forward to "teaching" or doing the science experiments on those days. He also picks up/drops off our library books when we don't have the time to go. He goes with me to the Homeschool conference (as a surprise for me...he reserved us rooms in May for the homeschool conference so we do not have to drive and do it all in one day.) :hurray:

 

He also keeps me sane on the days I feel like I am failing my children and I am convinced that they will grow up and not be able to go to college or get jobs and will end up smoking pot in our basement...(we don't have a basement...but you get the idea):willy_nilly:

[Melissa in Australia]

dh helps take the children to sporting events, takes the children to the beach, swimming ,camping, bike riding fishing etc. Helps with math when I get stuck. Has now started to do the chemistry experiments with the younger 4, and that is about it. he doesn't really get involved with anything else, he finds it extremely boring if I start talking about different curriculums. he doesn't really help much with the struggles I am having with the older2 ds's.

[nukeswife]

I chose "other" because although he doesn't consistently teach any one subject or make the decisions about curriculum he does do more than contributes financially. He's military so we don't have a set schedule and he helps out when he can. He'll teach science or history if he's here, and he'll also give me his opinions on curriculum I'm mulling over. He definitely does have a role in caring for the children although it's not just in the homeschooling area. I guess I found that option a bit off-putting, maybe it was just the wording that threw me.

[PariSarah]

And there seem to be dads around when my son's homeschool enrichment group does stuff. I don't know any dads (in person, I mean) that do as much as my dh, but they seem to be around, at least.

 

 

ETA: Oops! Forgot to answer the question. My dh and I share and share alike. I do half the breadwinning (just a little over half, actually :D), and he does half the homemaking and homeschooling.

Edited December 4, 2008 by PariSarah

[Tree House Academy]

My husband is the "bread winner." He spends times with the kids on the weekends, and has agreed to "teach" in advanced math subjects when we get there if I need some assistance, but otherwise, he is just "dad."

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

This is similar to my dh, but I voted 'drives to extracurricular activities' because he picks up ds from TKD. My hubby works a lot and is an awesome hands-on dad when he is home. He does the outside stuff and always has a boy 'helping' him. But he doesn't do anything in the way of homeschooling. He knows that I've done the research and trusts me to do the right thing. We've discussed our basic philosophy and plan for the boys, but I do the rest.

 

Eventually my dh may be more hands-on when it comes to science because that is my weakest area and his strongest...

 

I wonder if more homeschooling dads work extra hours so that the mom can stay home to teach. Often when kids are in public schools, both parents work and share more of the duties such as driving kids here and there. I have no idea if that's actually the case, but just a thought.

[Desert Rat]

I chose other because he contributes with rearing the children but not in schooling. Unless, of course, you count taking the kids out so I can get lesson plans/ordering/preparations for school taken care of. :o)

[mom31257]

My husband is the bread winner also, but he does contribute in other ways. He helps with parenting, and leads our family devotion each night. He teaches public school (world and U.S. history). He isn't involved in history every day, but he has done special unit studies with our dd, but not ds yet. For example, he studied World War 2 in depth with her last year. He isn't involved at all in curriculum decisions. I really wish that he did more, though. He's pretty laid back, and doesn't take initiative on things easily. Maybe I should just ask him to find ways to do more.

[Plucky]

He makes the money, takes kids to activities, encourages them in hobbies, teaches them how to do all sorts of handy things like woodworking, yardwork, roofing the house, tiling floors, etc. He plays video games with them and cooks with them. He's an assistant scoutmaster in their troop and attends every summer camp as a leader. He keeps getting better and better as a dad.

 

He likes to help teach science and thinks I work our kids too hard. LOL He's messy and so he doesn't expect a spotless house (but I'm still working on it). I appreciate that he thinks I'm doing a great job. When I feel I can't go on in homeschooling we always problem solve and find a solution. He's had to make sacrifices for homeschooling, too. He's a great hs dad.

[KS_]

I chose "Other." Dh has started checking the dc's work when he gets home, which helps me out, and gives them an opportunity to show him what they're doing in school. Other than that, he leaves the homeschooling pretty much up to me, but he is very actively involved in caring for them :)

[Jen in PA]

My dh is the primary wage earner, and has never gotten involved in choosing curriculum or doing any teaching, since he assumes I know best. This actually used to bother me, but now I take it as a compliment. He actually just started teaching dd to play chess, which I don't play, and I see that as a positive thing for their relationship, so now I'm trying to think of other things he could teach the kids in an informal manner. He leaves for work a few hours before they wake up, and most days of the week he arrives home while they are getting ready for bed, the other days after they are in bed, so he doesn't really have much time with the kids aside from on the weekend.

[coffeefreak]

I almost said "other" and then I checked, "Does as much or more than I do."

 

He helps with housework, carting the kids to extra curriculars, and is 100% involved in the discipline areas of the household.

 

He is also my sounding board for curriculum choices, what we're doing with our day, and what our goals are for the kids. He does "homework" with them (mainly reading out loud and the kids showing what they've done today).

 

Oh yeah, and he's my IT guy, when I let him near my computer:glare:

 

In short, he's a great guy, and I love him terribly! I'm very blessed, I couldn't have asked for a better husband.:001_wub:

[Jami]

I voted other, cause he does bits and pieces of several of the choices.

 

He does earn the income that makes my being at home possible. He helps drive kids to and from things when needed, particularly when ds was playing soccer. He was much more the go-to parent for that.

 

He does our evening read-aloud which is usually something from one of the literature lists that I want read. But not always, he's a great reader.

 

And he's our resident art teacher and critic. :)

 

It's possible that eventually he'll teach computer programming and higher maths, since he's stronger at those things than I am. Oh and philosophy is more his thing.

 

But for now he's mostly involved Dad and I am SO glad he's as hands-on as he is.

[Amy loves Bud]

I'm not sure how to vote.

 

Bud is pretty much handsoff with the homeschooling aspect of our lives, except he listens to the kids tell about waht they've learned and quizzes them on math. And takes off work to watch the kids so I can go to the bookfair every year.

 

But, Bud is extremely involved otherwise. He teaches both kids music, coaches Luke's soccer team, and does Indian princesses with Peyton.

 

He trusts me completely with the homeschooling bit, and doesn't feel the need to advise me in that area unless I ask or it's the very occasional thing that he feels very strongly about. And since he's working when we school, I'm happy not to have him be an armchair coach in that area. But he's a very involved husband and father so I couldn't really check your next to last option.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I chose "other". My dh is the sole bread winner. But he is an actively involved dad when he is home. We take a family walk every evening (at the mall during the winter) and he always has a lap or two with each child alone so that they can talk privately (I get my private lap around the mall to chat first!) The kids usually arrange a "boy time" or "girl time" with him once a week where they play a game or take a special hike or something like that. He has made math flash cards for my dd. He is my ds' special math tutor. He takes an active interest in the special projects that the kids put next to his plate at the dinner table to show him at night. He does our family Bible time every evening. He listens to my musings about our curriculum or a problem I'm having getting something across and gives (mostly) helpful input.

[Ellie]

Mr. Ellie has always been the breadwinner :-) He has also been as involved in general parent things as much as possible when he is home, as well as cheerfully tolerating meals not prepared on time--or at all--if a field trip or a hs convention or other event/activity took over my life.

[elegantlion]

I'm not sure how to vote.

 

Bud is pretty much handsoff with the homeschooling aspect of our lives, except he listens to the kids tell about waht they've learned and quizzes them on math. And takes off work to watch the kids so I can go to the bookfair every year.

 

 

He trusts me completely with the homeschooling bit, and doesn't feel the need to advise me in that area unless I ask or it's the very occasional thing that he feels very strongly about. And since he's working when we school, I'm happy not to have him be an armchair coach in that area. But he's a very involved husband and father so I couldn't really check your next to last option.

 

 

This is similar to our family. DH works 6 days a week so he simply doesn't have time to teach much. But he is my biggest encourager, his title is principal. Today he was home for lunch and singing. I told him the principal was being a distraction as we were trying to do math. :glare:

 

He trusts my judgment on materials. He has taken ds on a few jobs with him, he's in construction. So ds really is learning from him.

 

When it comes to curriculum that is all on me, for which I am glad. We have a beginning of the year meeting so he understands what my educational goals are and he is great about talking to ds about school.

[joannqn]

My husband makes all of the income for our family. He's involved with the children in enforcing rules, taking them on dates, running my son to and from taekwondo occasionally, and minor other things.

 

As far as homeschool goes, he generally shows no interest in getting involved. The rare times I've either tried to get him involved or he's involved himself have all gone badly so we (the kids and I) prefer that remains uninvolved.

[Remudamom]

Mine pays for everything and teaches math. I choose the curriculum, but he usually has a book or something he wants them to read.

[LisaKinVA]

For the most part, it's financial and moral support. However, from time to time, he will help out with overseeing school work. He listens to me prattle on about curriculum, which is nice -- but in the end, those decisions are all mine.

[HRAAB]

I chose Contributes to family finances, but not involved with care of children although that isn't accurate.

He is involved in the care and raising of our children but not in homeschooling. That is completely in my control; he supports me emotionally and financially, and is 100% behind homeschooling but is not involved in a physical way with the schooling.

 

I wish he was, but he's a great dad so I need to be thankful for what I have.

 

Janet

[Mommy22alyns]

DH is the girls' Art Magister. :001_smile:

 

He does a lot of read-alouds because by the end of the day I'm usually completely exhausted. He takes the girls to the library and gets out books. I can bounce curriculum suggestions off of him, but the final decision is always mine. He listens while I vent and tries to offer helpful solutions.

 

Oh yeah, and the financial support thing too. :D

 

I do feel very thankful that he's 110% behind our homeschooling, no two ways about it.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Dh is a very involved father, but not very involved in homeschooling. He brings home the bacon (and often fries it up in the pan), helps around the house, supports me in discipline when we are struggling to get it all done, stands by my decisions (except for last month when his answer to my struggling high schooler was to send him to school - talk about a kick in the stomach), attends homeschooling conferences with me and takes the kids to their workshops, helps take kids to extracurriculars. He just doesn't get involved in selecting curricula, teaching (unless he is home on a school day.)

 

All in all, he is a gem. I did ask this year that he help provide accountability, but we are still working things out.

[Hillary in KS]

My husband works very hard all week to earn the money that allows me to stay home and homeschool.

 

He supprts homeschooling, but is not involved in the teaching or curriculum. He leaves that to me. He's interested in what we do, and talks about school with the kids. Sometimes I ask his opinion, but I wouldn't dream of making him take over some part of schooling when he gets home from a hard day's work.

 

Now, occasionally he'll do something with the kids, but that's when it's his idea. I try not to add to his burden by shifting my responsibility to him.

[Peela]

My dh keeps his distance, doesn't drive them anywhere, doesm't really want to be involved, but sometimes helps me with discipline and does support us financially. Its not my ideal. He doesn't even come to concerts or plays they are in if he can help it. I wish it were different, but it is the way it is and its not acutally worth pushing him to do more because we then prefer he weren't there anyway. I asked dd if she minded that he didnt even come to her piano recital last weekend- she said she preferred he didnt.

So thats how it works around here. However he works from home so we see plenty of him, he makes us eggs for breakfast and buys the kids anything they need, or basically, want.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

He's there to help when I come up against a wall. He helps with ideas and ways to improve our schooling. He listens ad nauseum to me drone on and on about curriculum and our choices with exceeding patience. And he fills in with no problem if I need a break.

[Nestof3]

I chose "contributes to finances," but he also provides the work avenue for them. Being self-employed, our boys work with Dad when they are old enough to begin saving money for their futures. Right now our oldest is paying for his first semester of community college on the interest he earned on his CDs. :)

 

We feel work is just as important as education.

[Hen]

I chose the "Helps make curr. decisions and teaches at least 1 subject",

 

but, I want to say that this is the first year my dh has taught our kids-we have homeschooled 9 years now and I have never felt or treated him as if he were deficient or something for not doing more. As for curriculum, I pretty much pick it, but he gives me the head nod so I don't feel guilty for hitting the 'buy' button and he listens to me talk out loud about diff. curr. I am looking at. Once in a blue moon he will make a suggestion.

 

He is a great dad, I have always thought his biggest help and role in our home was first providing- he works hard everyday to I can stay home and homeschool, and second he comes home after work and either plays with the kids or does his stuff- with the kids, talking to them and fellow-shipping with them, just being there...having fun with them. If he never again offered to help teach a subject, I would not feel that he is lacking. If I was working a full day, I probably wouldn't want to come home and teach Science either.

 

I have felt in the past that certain venues ,like homeschool conventions, can make you feel like your husband is not up to snuff if he isn't taking an active, leadership/teacher-principal-pastor role...I think that can be unfair and hurtful.

[happyWImom]

My dh doesn't help with the curriculum choices, or the day to day stuff, but he will do the science experiments, nature walks, and some of the arts & crafts with them (not my area!). Also, since he works from home, he does go on a lot of the field trips and hs group meetings, depending on what they are. I may complain about him, but I guess we are really blessed that he is able to be such a big part of what we do. :001_smile:

[Danestress]

there is nothing they do that doesn't interest them, so he asks about and talks about their school with them. He does sports with them, teaches things informally, and just really enjoys them and spends time with them. But he's not involved so much with curriculum choices or teaching, and that's fine with me.

[Pretty in Pink]

My dh does little to no teaching. Once in a great while I may ask him to help our oldest with an assignment or to listen to our 5yo read. He trusts me to make curriculum choices and acts as my sounding board when I'm weighing pros and cons regarding curriculum or various activities that the children participate in. He works 60+ hours a week which allows me to remain home full time with our boys.

[LaxMom]

My husband is home a lot (he works 24 hours on, 48 off and will go to 24/72 in January) so he gets a lot of hands-on time with the kids.

 

He was the only dad in regular attendance at our co-op for the first three years. This year, though, we have at least three other dads there nearly every Friday, sitting in circle time, teaching classes, doing art with the littlest kids, and we have had more who have come when they're off, or to fill in for sick mom.

 

Basically, it falls like this in our house: I do the child bearing and nursing, the cooking and the laundry. He does most of the bathing and dressing, the trash, wood splitting, and anything stinky or yucky. Everything else falls to whoever is available and/or has interest in that area.

 

It was less like that when he was in school the past couple of years, and when I was working before that, though. Then the majority of the household / kid stuff fell to the one of us who was physically here.

 

I usually take the lead in "the great annual curriculum obsession" because I have great interest there, but he looks over all of the choices and contributes his thoughts about each, and sometimes finds new things to add to my crazy spreadsheet of possibilities. And he teaches whatever is next on the schedule if I'm otherwise engaged or does circle time with the boys or whatever. We're pretty interchangeable.

 

It's interesting to me how many answered in the more hands-off categories. (the numbers, I mean. I haven't read all the replies.)

Edited December 5, 2008 by MyCrazyHouse
to address the "homeschooling" part

[dm379]

I chose other.

 

I work 2 jobs and go to school from home in addition to homeschooling. DH works half-days right now (he's military so that's 4 a.m. - 2 p.m.) but has to study more than me for his job. DH does about 95% of the housework, is teaching the kids how to fly in the simulators and all other things flying, and usually goes to tae kwon do with ds and helps out there. We do schoolwork on Sats and Suns too so on those days he schools one while I do the other, cutting the time spent in less than half. If I'm backed up really bad during the week he'll do schoolwork when he's done studying too.

 

He also doesn't complain when I spend money on school stuff. If you knew him you'd think that's a miracle too lol

 

He was the one who wanted me to homeschool more than I did. He researched it on his own and approached me with the idea. He looks at the curriculum stuff but doesn't mind if I dont ask his imput. He will debate pros and cons on curriculum and knows names and basically what most of them are.

Edited December 5, 2008 by dawn8500

[laurad1125]

My DH is wonderfully supportive. He doesn't usually teach anything, though he has at different time when I've asked. The best thing he does is never criticize and often helps me problem solve when there are issues. He will listen to me go on and on and on about HS issues without complaint. And he never complains about the money I spend even when I don't ever use what I bought. He's a great support!

[Cherrie]

but that sounds as if dh doesn't do much and that isn't the case. He works long hours often 7 days a week, because I am unable to work. He is also working on major renos mostly on his own. So he doesn't have time to help with schooling or activities. He even helps out with housework when he has the time. He is an incredible hard working man and he never complains, he is a gem.

[Blessedfamily]

DH takes dd to activities and would be more known than me by outsiders.

 

I do all of the teaching now, while caring for the baby.

DH tried teaching art since he draws well, but teaching art to a 5yo wasn't a natural fit. He got into shading and special effects while she had just mastered staying in the lines and filling in circles neatly. :001_huh:

 

He cooks most of the dinners and does a large portion of the house work with me. He also does the grocery shopping.

 

When it comes to curriculum he listens, and tells me how much in awe he is of the job we're doing. He's always bragging to his family while I say "Aw shucks! Who me?" :blush:

[Holly IN]

He takes care of the Arts portion. He also has variety of projects that he does with the kids and we count it as school. He is very involved in the kids. It is not academic but full of life skills and the fine arts side of it.

 

Also he is very involved in parenting them as well. I am home with them during the day and he is home with them during the night. I work 5 nights a week. So it is 100% for me and 100% for him.

 

I voted other.

Holly

[*Inna*]

Currently he works two jobs , so the time he actually spends with the girls is minimal. But he is very supportive and always there to listen.

 

On his days off he gives our oldest music lessons.

[angela in ohio]

He foots the bill for everything, he backs up the discipline, he is supportive of me, and he encourages dc to become educated.

[beansprouts]

Schooling the kids is my job and my profession. My dh's job is to provide financially for his family, listen to, support and encourage his wife, be a Daddy to his children when he is home, and he does help drive the kids to activities. I like things this way and wouldn't want them any differently.

Edited December 5, 2008 by beansprouts

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

Right now, dh is pulling more of the load because I'm carrying 9 credit hours in my masters program. that will change in 3 weeks, though and then I'll try to pick up my slack (mostly in the housework dept.) We both work. When one is home and the other isn't whoever is home does the schooling (and everything else). When we're both home (and neither one has outside obligations, apts., etc) we split the kids and get done quicker. The Librarians are just as used to seeing dh as they are me.

I have made a vow to keep up on the laundry, so tonight I folded the clothes that have been in the basket for 2 weeks!

[kalanamak]

I picked other. Hubby's job is to have kiddo fed, run, and hands washed by the time I get home from work, and then to CLEAR out, so we can get something done. He takes him on field trips (to a pipe organ next Monday), gets his clothes, his haircuts, his shots, etc.

 

I work all day, have kid all evening (although sometimes they go swimming), have kiddo on the weekend. While little guy draws or runs cars about or bandages his wounded stuffed animals, I browse here and the net generally for books.

 

As kiddo is getting older, he is being introduced to carpentry. Hubby is a journeyman carpenter and can fix "dang near anything". It is a skill I am eager for kiddo to pick up. As he gets older, there will be more kayaking, camping, hiking, etc. Hubby says it is the best job he ever had, and he's been at it since kiddo was 5 weeks old.

[cillakat]

dh does math and hebrew with her twice a week. I do _everything_ else.

 

We share equally on the weekends. We both put them to bed.

 

I have no cleaning, cooking, driving, laundry, yard etc help. He says he'd help if I ask. Untrue.

 

You can probably tell it's a point of contention right now.

 

K

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Dh is very "involved in the care of the children" (aka: parenting). However, he totally leaves curriculum and other schooling decisions to me.