Susan, I haven't been here in forever, but I am so very sorry to hear of the difficulty you're facing. It seems grossly unfair. Best wishes to you as you as you wrestle with this.

It may be that 75% of what you do really is just hoop-jumping. There's nothing wrong with that. But any time you can find something to get excited or interested about, that'll inject the spirit that it takes to jump through those hoops with a little kick. A couple days of real-world math. Listening to a song in Spanish and trying to catch words you recognize. Even injecting an exciting tone of voice into your explanations about perimeter can help them want to work better. Don't fall into the trap, though, of expecting or wanting them to be delighted and happy and intrigued all the time. Sometimes, you just have to slog through something for awhile until you find something you can get excited about. That's okay. It's character-building. :D

Or the Precious Ramatswe series? I've enjoyed both of those when I've needed some light (but not insultingly stupid) reading. If you're in the mood for non-fiction, you might enjoy Atul Gawande's two books--Complications and Better. Both are easy but intelligent and interesting reading.

. . . that I would normally pay. I think I paid $800 when someone watched ds for a week while we were in Kenya. It seemed reasonable to us and the babysitter, whom I normally paid $10 an hour.

We generally give ds time off at the end of our semesters, when we've got huge grading responsibilities, but otherwise, we school year round. We do shift to more experiential science when weather permits, too. I would say that it probably lets us homeschool for shorter hours during the day, yes.

. . . and say that I think teens-becoming-adults do need to hear in their parents' voices that their parents recognize their growing maturity. This does not mean allowing disrespectful or cruel speech from her, but it may mean broadening your expectations of her a bit, and giving her room to meet them in her own way. It may also mean giving her a few areas where you're not trying to parent her--where you're just letting her fly free. And I think it definitely means speaking differently to her than you spoke to her when she was twelve. What about asking her which of the family chores she'd like to do, rather than telling her which and when and how? Let her know that you need a certain number of chores done, or a certain number of hours worked, or certain kinds of assistance, but give her a chance to let you know what she prefers doing. You don't have to make chore-doing optional to let her have options. She may surprise you--"Mom, I just hate doing the dishes. I really hate it. But I'd love to do the laundry for you, instead." And can you look for areas where there isn't any friction between the two of you--maybe a hobby you share? maybe something she's really good at that you're interested in?--and let her be the expert in some of them? Ask her advice, let her teach you a thing or two. Don't fake it--if you're an expert knitter and she's a beginner, don't ask for her help on your next lace shawl. But if she has a good eye for color, ask her which yarn she thinks would look good with your winter coat, or whatever. And, yes, I've always asked my son, respectfully, to help me with household chores. Asking respectfully doesn't mean that he doesn't have to do what I ask. It just lets him know that respect is not a one-way street. I treat him with respect so that he understands why I require him to treat me with respect. I speak to him now the way I want him to speak to me when I'm ninety and need his help with my finances or my medication or my diapers. Seriously. BUT. This can absolutely go hand in hand with requiring that she treat you with respect, with requiring that she help around the house, even with training her out of that sense of entitlement. You can have high standards and yet convey those high standards to her in a way that saves her a little face. It doesn't cost you anything to speak gently to her, and it shouldn't cost you much to give her some options concerning how she's going to help around the house. But by giving her a little room to practice being an adult, you'll keep a little room for yourself to be in her life when she's a full-fledged adult. I don't have teens myself yet (gulp!), so you may find my advice a little naive. But I do remember, very vividly, how my parents treated me as I was becoming an adult. They gave me permission to screw up, to make choices, to have an opinion that differed from theirs, and to express it respectfully. They had standards, durnit, but they weren't rude about it. They weren't permissive, by any stretch of the imagination, but they listened when I talked, even when I talked out of turn. And that's why I still listen when they talk, even now. It made an impression on me, even at the time, and I have every intention of following their example with my own kids.

The one that our host had to put up after we proved ourselves too juvenile to discuss politics. I don't think discussing them in violation of board rules is going to prove that we can handle it any better, do you? (As if anything could, after that ridiculous debacle with inaugural fashion.)

And it doesn't say "unless you promise to play nice." We've lost even that privilege, thanks to the sort of knee-jerk reactions this thread is already displaying.

Board rules, anyone?

Hug that man!!! :party::party::party:

. . . as the kind of person with practical, rather than intellectual, gifts. He would probably look at me and mine and wonder how we could get through life being so over-educated, and yet so clueless. ;)

. . . that *absolutely* everyone eats (my friend that's allergic to tomatoes doesn't) than as an example of something that even people who eat Hamburger Helper eat. The point isn't that everyone will eat spaghetti, but that there are some meals that vegetarians and non-vegetarians, that healthy-type and canned-food-type people can agree on. You, I'd make quiche!! I'm a little stymied, though, by katemary63's assertion that she would be offended by receiving a meal without meat in it. There are enough meat-free meals that are commonly eaten by non-vegetarians that I assumed even confirmed meat-eaters take a night off now and again. I guess not.

Suri dream isn't actually a super-bulky yarn. It's just terribly FUZZY, so you knit it on the larger needles in order to take keep the fuzz from getting compacted. You're substituting a yarn with no fuzz, which is FINE (unless what you like about that pattern is the fuzzy halo). Gauge isn't really important here, but (for a blanket), drape is. Knit a largish swatch with the larger needles and see how it feels. Does it drape like you want a blanket to drape? Choose your needle size based on how you like the drape of the swatch--do you want to cuddle up in this? If it seems like things will be much larger or smaller than the pattern calls for, it would be easy to modify the pattern here. Make six strips instead of five if you need it bigger; make the strips 26 stitches wide instead of 30 stitches if you need it smaller. That kind of thing. I think it'll be a lovely blanket with that yarn!!

I didn't use much of it for Theo, just because we had moved into the "just use real food" camp by then. But we did use it when we were not at home, and couldn't count on finding an "acceptable" food wherever we were. I mostly just pureed the oatmeal we were making for ourselves anyway. (Or the rice, or whatever.)

. . . their eating preferences AND your convictions, budget, and habits. Who doesn't eat spaghetti? Spaghetti can be healthy, homemade, wholesome, organic, even vegetarian, AND considered tasty even by someone who buys Hamburger Helper. And you can make it for under four dollars, even if you buy all organic, healthy ingredients. Or homemade pizza! Sure, that locally-made organic mozzarella is a little expensive, but I'm skimpy with the cheese anyway, and I've never EVER had a complaint about my pizza. (Except from my BCR, but we don't have to talk about that.) I would start from there--start keeping a mental list of widely accessible meals that don't break the bank but can still keep to your convictions. Whenever you're in a position to provide food, try to figure out which of the meals on that list will be most likely to be eaten by that family. You can certainly ask, "I was planning to make blah blah blah. Is that ok? I know people have all kinds of allergies and stuff these days . . . " I'm not in a financial position to buy ONLY from the organic, free range, farmer's market crowd. So I'd feel comfortable sending someone an apple pie made with conventionally grown apples, because I buy organic apples for myself only rarely. But for things that I do always buy for myself, I would use those ingredients for others--free range eggs, hormone-free milk, whatever. Finances are always a consideration, and I don't think it dishonors anyone to try to keep the cost of a donated meal reasonable. I wouldn't, say, go out and buy caged-hen eggs just to make the quiche I'm making a little cheaper; if the cost of the quiche were bothering me, I'd make . . . I don't know, stir-fry or something instead. I certainly wouldn't make anyone a roasted organic chicken, because I can't afford to make that for MY family. And I wouldn't feel bad about NOT making chicken--even if I knew it were their favorite meal--because it's just not one of the options. There's lots of other good options, and I'm not going to worry about the ones that are bad options, for whatever reason they happen to be bad options. I'm not trying to be difficult about it, but I just don't think it has to be as much of a dilemma as you're making it. Make what you can afford to make, what you like to make, what you're able to make, taking into account their tastes as best you are able. You don't have to take into account every. possible. detail. of the meal. You do your best, and you move on.

. . . basic religious and cultural literacy. The Bible as literature and Christianity as history seem important topics for a school curriculum to cover (along with Greco-Roman myths, Athenian democracy, Islamic empires, and the like). As an English major, I'm deeply aware of the biblical allusions that permeate Western literature. As someone who has studied political theory, I'm aware of how profoundly Christendom has influenced our politics, laws, and society. Attempting to use the Bible like a talisman to produce ethical behavior in schools is wrong-headed and troubling to me. It can't work, from a biblical perspective, because a relationship with God (either the God of Israel, from an OT perspective, or with Jesus, and through him, the God of Israel, from a NT perspective) is required even to begin to understand scripture and be a moral person. It can't work from a secular perspective, because the Bible is laden with all kinds of "religious nonsense" that has nothing to do with making a good moral citizenry. It might help in the sense I was talking about in the first paragraph--that by increasing cultural and historical literacy, you might get kids interested in being moral people. But I don't like the idea of the Bible being turned into a good luck charm in the public schools.

. . . and say, sweetly, "Oh, are you volunteering to cover the difference?" Do not ever be ashamed to insist that stores sell to you at their advertised price. Bait-and-switch and "accidental" discrepancies between shelf price and register price were a common way to cheat the customer until customers started noticing and complaining.

Generally, "they" are more willing to negotiate if you're already behind. So if you're in good standing with them, they may not be willing to take any less than the full amount. But to answer your question, I don't think negotiation is unethical at all. Dishonest negotiation is, but not run-of-the-mill negotiation. Hey--but think about this: you pay off the medical bill. Then, for the next two or three months, pay yourself the monthly amount you had been paying them. Then, it'll be like you DID have some money left over!

The one thing to be careful of: amazon's fees are VERY high. You still end up ahead of what you could get elsewhere, probably. Just keep their fees in mind when you're pricing your items.

Hoping the best for you!!

I don't know that I'd go about it quite the way you're suggesting--help for just one child out of your eight, 20 hrs a week. I mean, that's a part-time nanny gig, right there. If I were going to pay for a part-time nanny, I'd probably try to cycle several of the younger kids through "Nanny Fun Time" while working with the older kids. And then try for some one-on-one time with the youngers at a later time. Have you asked your dh what help he thinks you CAN afford? Maybe he'd be willing to do something else that would ease one of your other burdens--housekeeping help, whatever.

As long as one recognizes that beauty has little or no bearing on one's real value or merit or appearance in God's eyes, one doesn't have to shun beauty. I do think that modesty is an important consideration, but I like the non-fundamentalist Muslim version of modesty: the Muslim veil (in more progressive Muslim societies) can be a beautiful piece of art--embroidered, colorful, beautiful to look at. The goal is modesty, but not plainness (as opposed to, say, the Amish). So, I'm fine with the idea of dressing to look nice. I generally don't keep up with fashion trends, so when I want to look nice, I go with classic styles. But I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to look put-together. There are a LOT of potential things wrong with it--mistaking beauty for ultimate worth, intentionally dressing with class (look at my ludicrously expensive fur coat!) or sexuality (look at how good a job my waxer did!) in mind, that sort of thing. But none of that is what's in my mind when I put on a nice dress for dinner with my hubby.

Eventually, I started buying slightly better coffee, and didn't need the sugar any more. Then, for the longest time, what I did (and what I still do now, and what maybe you could do) is take my coffee with whole milk (or half and half). The first cup in the morning would be just the way I like it. And then I would periodically top it up, only without refreshing the milk or cream. So by the end of the morning, there was only the tiniest hint of milk in it. After doing that for a few years, I found myself at a church function where the only "cream" was creamer (yuck), so I just took it black and was surprised to find that I didn't mind it. I still usually take it with a little milk, but far less than I used to, and I still wind up with black coffee by the end of the morning.

. . . be faithful to the Greek. I'm guessing that your translation may have consulted the Latin (Vulgate) as well as the Greek. "Caritas" is the Latin word being translated there. They probably chose charity to emphasize that Paul is talking about an active sort of love there--not a feeling one has toward someone else, but a choice to behave lovingly towards that person. That might make a nice entry into the passage for your kids! (Does that help it feel better?) :grouphug:

. . . that it sounds like your friend is handling with grace. I have no suggestions--just a LOT of sympathy and good wishes for him/them.