when is it worth looking for a different house

[caedmyn]

We moved into a new house about a year ago.  Our previous house was just under 2000 sq ft, this one is 3300 sq ft.  There are things I really like about this house (the dining room, the main floor laundry room, nice kitchen and bathrooms).  I hadn't really wanted a house this big, though, and it often just feels too big, and like too much work to keep up with.  Part of it is the layout--the stairs to the basement come out at one end of the family room, and to get to the bedrooms, you have to walk all the way through the family room and then through a large bonus room.  Part of it is the tile--the whole main level is tile except for the living room and master bedroom.  I don't like the fact that it's impossible to get all the crumbs/dirt off it--stuff gets caught in the grout or in the crevices of the travertine tile, and so I'm always stepping on crumbs no matter how often I sweep.  Also, we break a few dishes a month due to dropping things on tile.  It looks nice, but it's not very practical.  Part of it is the difficulty of keeping track of kids in a big house, and of childproofing this particular house.  It's semi-open, open enough to make gating off rooms/areas difficult, closed off enough to make line-of-sight with kids mostly impossible.  Part of it is all the woodwork.  The previous owners were obsessed with wainscotting/paneling, and all four bedrooms have paneling and/or wainscotting, as do the family room, bonus room, and dining room.  Most of the basement paneling is rough-hewn pine, which is super impractical with kids (splinters, anyone?).  Part of it is the fencing.  The fence at the front of the back yard is brick, which means my 3 yo can easily climb over it, so I can't send him out to play alone or with siblings (because they don't watch him and he climbs and escapes). 

Yes, eventually we won't have young kids anymore...but the bedroom layout is still going to be a pain, and it will be quite a few years before I don't need to keep good track of kids anymore.  Idk...is it worth looking for a smaller house and all the hassle of moving because of some things I don't like about this one?

[Dynamite5]

Your kids are still fairly young and there are a lot of things you list that would have been deal breakers for me when looking at the house. If you can afford to move, it does sound like there may be a better house out there for your family. And the expense? Well, sometimes we make mistakes that cost us money and this might be one of them for you. Can your finances take a hit? 

[HomeAgain]

It does sound like it might be heavy on the finances, and I wonder if you can't change some of the major things cheaper than moving would be.

[May]

Paneling can be sanded and painted. What did you like about it when you bought it? Maybe focus on those things😊

[73349]

Would a Roomba help with the crumbs? That would be a lot cheaper than moving.

[Bambam]

We've always found closing costs on two houses to be a discouragement to moving locally. Plus the hassle of packing/moving/unpacking. Plus the hassle of keeping one house looking decent (with kids and schooling at home) while it is for sale. 

I'd try to fix the things that I can fix - like the paneling in the basement. Can you put a fence in front of the brick fence to stop the 3 yo from climbing? He won't be 3 forever, so that shouldn't be a long term problem. I'd like to have a brick fence - especially since we are looking at replacing our 6' wooden privacy fence. Those don't last forever while brick fences last a very long time.

Can you put rugs on the travertine floor?  We looked at houses with that, and I wondered how people really kept it clean because it wasn't as smooth as ceramic tile. 

I would think the paneling might help with sound proofing. The hard surface flooring certainly does not! 

I'd try to count all the walking as a bonus for keeping in shape/exercise/health. 

[OH_Homeschooler]

48 minutes ago, May said:

Paneling can be sanded and painted. What did you like about it when you bought it? Maybe focus on those things😊

 

Or use an oil-based primer before painting. I had to paint 3 rooms when I moved, and painting the paneling made such a difference.

Edited December 2, 2019 by OH_Homeschooler

[caedmyn]

One of the problems with both the paneling and the fence is DH's unwillingness to change them.  I want to paint over the paneling in at least one room, and remove the rough-hewn stuff in two of the bedrooms, and I don't know if he'll go for any of that (he likes all of it).  We have had several discussions about the fence and he is unwilling to change it.

We could probably sell this house for a good bit over what we paid once we finish removing the wallpaper on the main level and repainting (4 rooms worth...the wallpaper is gone in 3 of them but none are repainted yet), at least enough to cover closing costs and realtor fees.  It's a nice house overall in a desirable area, and it's a seller's market currently.  Regardless, we can afford to pay closing costs again.  We can buy another house without selling this one also, without strain, so would not need to show it while living in it.  Convincing DH would be the problem, not the finances.

I didn't love this house when we bought it.  DH loved it, but I always had serious reservations about it.  I agreed to it because we really needed more space, because I really needed some space to myself which I didn't have in our previous house, and because I don't like open floor plans and most houses in the price range we were looking at had them and this one didn't.

[prairiewindmomma]

Ah. Normally I would recommend putting in the sweat equity to remove paneling and change flooring, but if dh isn’t on board....Perhaps in your situation it would be easier to sell.

Fwiw, I once got dh on board to make needed changes by showing him the market and how updating would increase the value of the home. 

[matrips]

He doesn’t want to change it?  Or he doesn’t want to do the work or spend the money?

If he doesn’t want to change the house and you can afford it okay, then I’d probably look for another and sell this one.  And know walking in to the new house that changes may not be made, so make sure it appeals to you.  🙂

 

[catz]

Are you going to be able to agree on a different house then or even be able to convince him to move?  Moving with young kids is just a ton of work, even if you can swing owning 2 at once.  

I was never able to let one of my 3 year olds out with other kids to play and we have a fenced back yard.  I just think that's a normal parenting thing.  Once we got past 4, they became more trust worthy and would stay with a group in the yard.  

[PeterPan]

2 hours ago, caedmyn said:

it often just feels too big, and like too much work to keep up with.

Two things. One, your kids are still small, with small bodies. As they get bigger, odds are this house is going to feel the right size. It might be a mistake to downsize and then realize bigger bodies could use the room.

Two, if you change some of the aesthetic things and make the house function better, you're increasing resale value and giving yourself the option to change later. If you move now to a smaller place and then want bigger, then you're stuck. 

What I notice (having a rather large house) is that it's hard to make a nook that feels comfortable. Are you an introvert, someone who needs a place to retreat? So you might need to MAKE a retreat for yourself like that to make it feel better. You might focus on making that space that *you* need to feel better and see how much it helps. 

Adding: This is an overwhelming time of year. You're thinking about the holidays, needing the house clean, etc. I think it sucks that he moved you into a house that wasn't move in ready when you don't have energy and time and finances to fix things up. If you did, that would be different. The house is probably workable and you might do better to put the money into improving it. If you moved, could you AFFORD a move in ready version of what you want? You might talk with a realtor and just be honest. If you can't afford it, it won't matter.

Edited December 3, 2019 by PeterPan

[katilac]

Never would I ever look for, buy, and move into a new house one year after I already did all of that, lol. 

You could start casually scoping out other possibilities, and then show dh if you find something truly amazing. If it were me, it would have to be basically perfect to even think about moving again. 

A few random thoughts: 

That's not a terribly big house for 8 people. If you move to a smaller house now, you'll be looking for a bigger one in a few short years at best. 

The things you like about it are pretty big things. 

You can't change the bedroom layout, true, but I don't see a big difference between walking through two rooms to get to a bedroom and walking down a hall to get to a bedroom. This might bother you less if you fix a few other things. 

Buy some Corelle dishes and a Roomba. Or two Roombas, lol. If you hate Corelle dishes, only have the kids of dropping age use them. 

Webcams are cheap-ish, easy to use, and can help you keep track of kids both inside and out. You can also restrict the kids to certain areas of the house, they don't need to routinely wander all 3,300 square feet. Keep the 'always open' area on the small side. The oldest might have special privileges, either all the time or upon request.  

The brick wall can be made taller and unclimbable by adding wood on top (put the wood in a frame, bolt the frame to the brick). This can look great with good wood stained to match or coordinate with the brick. The added frame can always be removed in later years if desired. 

The house sounds like it has a lot of good points and I think going smaller now will only add more work in the next few years (you just moved, then you'd move again now, and then have to move again in the not-so-distant future). Do the things above to make your life easier, and then do a few more just to make yourself happy. You can make quite a lot of high quality purchases before reaching the equivalent of just closing costs. 

[catz]

Oh we have all hard floors in our house and we have a bunch of area rugs.  When the kids were younger we had several in the kitchen where we’d have dishes moving regularly.  

[klmama]

My suggestions:

6 hours ago, caedmyn said:

We moved into a new house about a year ago.  Our previous house was just under 2000 sq ft, this one is 3300 sq ft.  There are things I really like about this house (the dining room, the main floor laundry room, nice kitchen and bathrooms).  I hadn't really wanted a house this big, though, and it often just feels too big, and like too much work to keep up with. Would it feel easier if everyone pitched in together to clean one public room a day?  Maybe put on some good music or an audio book and everyone worked together for 15 minutes or so?  Even little ones can help dust or wipe up stains.  Any girls?  Maybe they'd like to play Sarah Crewe and scrub the floor on hands and knees in dress-up clothes.  Part of it is the layout--the stairs to the basement come out at one end of the family room, and to get to the bedrooms, you have to walk all the way through the family room and then through a large bonus room.  Who is in those bedrooms?  The oldest dc? Could you use an intercom system to talk to them instead of making the trek?  Some phone systems have an intercom option, as do Amazon Echo products.  Or, is it actually necessary that they be in those rooms right now?  Would it be better to have them share rooms upstairs?  It sounds like that might relieve some stress.   Part of it is the tile--the whole main level is tile except for the living room and master bedroom.  I don't like the fact that it's impossible to get all the crumbs/dirt off it--stuff gets caught in the grout or in the crevices of the travertine tile, and so I'm always stepping on crumbs no matter how often I sweep.  Vacuuming would help most.  Roomba would help, too, and would be less work.  Rugs could help.  If those aren't enough or aren't going to happen, I suggest you wear shoes so you don't feel the crumbs.  If you don't already have a dog, I'll put in a plug for one - we rarely have crumbs on the floor now that we have a dog.  She doesn't shed, but she tracks in leaves and dirt sometimes, so it's not a perfect system, LOL.  Also, we break a few dishes a month due to dropping things on tile.  It looks nice, but it's not very practical.  Could you switch to Melamine dishes until the kids are older?  Target has some attractive options.  No cracking, no chipping, no shattering, no danger of getting hurt.  You can't microwave them, though.  Part of it is the difficulty of keeping track of kids in a big house, and of childproofing this particular house.  It's semi-open, open enough to make gating off rooms/areas difficult, closed off enough to make line-of-sight with kids mostly impossible.  Make rules about where kids have to be and when.  I had a friend with a huge house and large family; until their dc were much older, they only allowed kids in bedrooms during nap time and bed time.  All kids shared bedrooms until they were teens.  Part of it is all the woodwork.  The previous owners were obsessed with wainscotting/paneling, and all four bedrooms have paneling and/or wainscotting, as do the family room, bonus room, and dining room.  Most of the basement paneling is rough-hewn pine, which is super impractical with kids (splinters, anyone?).  I'd replace the basement paneling, if at all possible.  If your dh doesn't understand why, have the dc go to him with all splinters.  If he's not home, maybe they can tell him about it when he gets home.  He might understand better once he sees how often it really happens.   Part of it is the fencing.  The fence at the front of the back yard is brick, which means my 3 yo can easily climb over it, so I can't send him out to play alone or with siblings (because they don't watch him and he climbs and escapes).  Yep.  Sounds about right.  3 year olds need supervision outside, regardless of the yard/fence, even when there are older siblings involved - and if you have mischievous older dc, maybe especially when they are involved, LOL.    

Yes, eventually we won't have young kids anymore...but the bedroom layout is still going to be a pain, and it will be quite a few years before I don't need to keep good track of kids anymore.  Idk...is it worth looking for a smaller house and all the hassle of moving because of some things I don't like about this one?  I'd try to make it work first.  In just a few years your dc will all be much larger, and having the space will be a good thing.

 

[bibiche]

Life's too short to live in an aesthetically displeasing house if you don't have to. It seems to be causing you stress and unhappiness. Does your husband know how unhappy you are with his refusal to make some changes that will make the house more bearable for you?  If my husband had impeccable taste that I appreciated and wanted the house a certain way, sure. But if his taste were horrid and moreover he refused to listen to my ideas about making changes, well, yeah, I'd be looking for either a new house or a new husband. Cos again, life is too short to live in an aesthetically displeasing house when it doesn't have to be that way.

It sounds as if it isn't a matter of money, but a refusal on his part to take your opinions into consideration. I think he needs to make some compromises. Why is his opinion the only one that matters? 

[Bambam]

At this point, I'd figure out estimated closing costs and gather some renovation cost estimates. I'd sit down with my husband and point out the issues with this house, and say for this house to work better for our family, we need to do these things. I would point out specific reasons that areas need to be redone/fixed in order to make the house livable for everyone. It is better for your overall financial situation if you improve your current house and thus increasing its value than to basically (IMO) throw that money away in selling and buying a new home.  

Personally, I'd also start making a list of what I consider that I must have in a house as well as what I absolutely don't want in a house. Now, for me, none of these are deal-breakers depending upon the house. I hate white cabinets and never want a house with them (I do realize that lots of people love white cabinets), but if the house were excellent in a majority of other ways, I could live with white cabinets. 

Re the fence - could you put something temporary on the top to stop 3 yo from climbing over? 

[Chris in VA]

I have a house in VA I have never liked, so I understand. Different problems, but similar--my dislike started almost immediately, the upkeep is too much (for different reasons), there are parts that just don't work for me. We kept the house and will do reno when we get back. 

I would go to your husband, tell him yet again of your distress, and give him a solution (with costs) for your top two or three problems. Choose these based on how much relief you feel when you think about not having them anymore. 

In your case, my top 2 would probably be the paneling and the flooring. These won't solve themselves by children aging (dropped dishes will cease, kids will be able to play outside soon, etc. but floors will stay hard to maintain and rough paneling won't get smoother by itself). Oh and one thing about the floors--can you restrict eating to the table for a week as an experiment to see if it helps? 

Edited December 3, 2019 by Chris in VA

[wintermom]

I wonder if this is the reason the wife has to approve a house before one buys?  I LOVED the house we moved into, and any problem areas I made work or didn't care. Luckily my dh is laid back in this area.  But now we're in the opposite situation, I want to sell when we move and he wants to keep the house and rent it out.  I'm ready for a change, but he isn't. 

No advice at all, except that houses are a partnership for the husband and wife, and it's something you'll have to work out with your dh. What suggestions does he offer to help deal with the problems you've pointed out?

[SamanthaCarter]

Maybe you just need a mother’s helper? Sounds like you can swing it financially? 

[klmama]

Really?  I've never heard that before.  I've managed to shatter a number of Corelle pieces, but never anything Melamine. Does it shatter into tiny shards, like Corelle?

[Carol in Cal.]

I’d move.

It sounds like you can afford it, and that you’re really miserable with this place.  Life’s too short to be miserable when you don’t have to be.

In the meantime I’d get a couple of Roombas and start studying other homes on the market on realtor.com.

I have become increasingly able to sense problems with proportion as I’ve gotten older.  It used to be that I would just say, “I hate low ceilings” but that’s not really it.  What it is is that I find rooms with proportions that feel ‘off’ to be actually depressing.  If a ceiling is way too low or too high for me, I don’t like being in the room; and ‘too’ varies with the size and shape of the walls.  Also, most clerestory windows bother me if they are the only windows in the room.  These kinds of things are showstoppers for me, and I’ve gotten very upfront about that, because they really can’t easily be changed so I know they never will be while we own a house.  You might want to spend a little time making a list of what does and doesn’t work for you, in general, so that the next house incorporates things you like as well as your husband.

[carriede]

We break Corelle on our tile. Not every time it is dropped, but often. I'd give the frequent droppers plastic or paper. Or look into paying someone to redo it with vinyl plank flooring because, let's face it, even adults drop things.

[KungFuPanda]

Oh my.  I'm with the husband.  I think I'd have to be in a house longer than a year before I could even thing about construction projects or moving.  It's just too soon. I also wouldn't move over anything that's a non-issue in a few years.  Having a squirrely preschooler is such a fleeting phase that I wouldn't move over it.  Some kids just need near-constant supervision and that's going to be hard no matter where you live.   

I'd just vacuum the tile, or get a robot vacuum to deal with it.  I always vacuum instead of sweeping because it just get's things up better. I don't understand how walking through some rooms to get to the bedrooms is an issue.  I may not be reading that part right. Are the bedrooms on the main floor? That would be kind of awesome.

[Aura]

Keep in mind that not only are your kids going to get bigger, so are their friends. And then they're going to have boy/girlfriends that come over all. the. time. so your body count is going to go up as well as the size of the bodies! (Speaking as a mom w/ six kids.) And keeping the kids where you can keep an eye on them is great for now, but as they get older, that's not going to be practical or desired.

I would try to adjust things to make it work for you for now, at least I would try that before looking to sell/buy. (Speaking as someone who's recently just done this myself....packing up to move and keeping the house "show ready" is such a pain!) I would definitely be having a serious discussion w/ dh about what you need in a house as the person who 1) does the most work in it and 2) spends the most time in it. If you're the one who takes care of the majority of the daily maintenance, then you need your house to work for you, not against you.

Surely there's stuff that you really liked about the house when you bought it? Doing things to emphasize those and strategizing how to make the house work best for you would be my first option. Some ideas (dh might have to give a bit, but there's room for compromise): learn to wear shoes or house slippers and get a robot vacuum; put an additional fence on the top of the brick fence (iron fencing on bricks looks very nice IMO!); get non-breakable dishes like stainless steel and/or plastic/polycarbonate, or just cheap stuff that you plan on replacing regularly; replace the flooring that you don't like; fix the walls the way you need them

[ktgrok]

In that situation my DH would come home to find a new fence up inside the brick one. I'd do it myself or hire someone, but it would be done ASAP because that's a safety issue. Same with the boards with splinters, I'd spend a day sanding them ore hire someone or tear them down myself. 

But...my DH is used to coming home from a work trip to find different furniture, rooms moved around, trees cut down, or then there was the time I dug up up our entire yard to redo the irrigation system, lol. 

Seriously, a dH that refuses to allow you to fix safety issues would be a DH I'd be dragging to marital counseling. At the very least he'd be sleeping alone. 

Now, DH who is busy and can't get around to it, and can't afford to hire it out, I get that. We have had a torn apart bathroom for almost 2 years. If I could lift a bathtub I'd have fixed it myself but he doesn't have the time and we don't have the funds to hire out. But just saying no to something I need for functionality? Nope. That is not okay. It would be like you showing up at his work and telling his boss not to let him use the software he needs or something. 

Fix it so the kids can play in the yard - either a new fence or fence in a small area (lol, like a dog run, but for kids). Doesn't have to be pretty, it's temporary. Just has to be safe. Fix the splintery weird looking walls. Put Amazon Echo's in the bedrooms to call kids using drop in. They are on sale this time of year anyway. Or use a webcam or get baby monitors that have cameras and a two way talk feature - that would work. Or webcams - amazon has their own that aren't bad price wise. 

Get a roomba. 

 

[ktgrok]

Oh - and get the kids the plastic bows/plates/cups from Ikea. They stack really compactly and work great. And cheap enough to replace as they get worn. And will not break when dropped. Or paper plates and plastic cups. 

[WendyLady]

We move far too often and every house we have lived in had something I didn't like about it.  I currently am not in love with the layout in our home and wish we had one more bedroom, but I'm going to make do until we move again, and at that point I will hope that the right home is available at the exact moment that we need it...  At least this current house does not have a mold issue and the ac and heater work well, unlike previous homes we have lived in!  

If I were you, I wouldn't move. I would do everything I could to make this home work for me. But I would hire out some of those projects - painting, removing baseboards, retexturing, etc. Painting takes forever and it will feel so nice when you have it how you want it without having to look forward to months of painting projects ahead of you.

I would also hire weekly housecleaning help. No matter the flooring, there are always crumbs under the table.  Even with just one kid at home, I hate to move all the chairs to sweep under the table, and he knows better than to take snacks into his bedroom or living room!  I find a microfiber dust-mop with longer little sweeper thingies works better to get crumbs out of tile grout than a broom.  A quick pass-through with the dust-mop does the trick!  I also like a little lightweight cordless vacuum to suck up the crumbs.

My husband would have limited interest or say in decorating decisions like full length curtains, bed position, removing or replacing or painting baseboards, and paint colors.  It sounds like even if you moved, he would choose the house for reasons that work for him, so you would likely be in a similar spot. I'd do everything possible to make this home work for your family.  And if I was still unhappy in a year, I would start searching for my dream home. 

[katilac]

2 hours ago, Plum said:

 Your husband would rather move than work on the property you currently own? 

I don't think her dh wants to move, either. 

[PeterPan]

16 hours ago, katilac said:

Buy some Corelle dishes and a Roomba. Or two Roombas, lol. If you hate Corelle dishes, only have the kids of dropping age use them. 

Bingo. You can get Roombas at Costco for like $250. If you had two, you could get a lot cleaned very quickly. I have a big house and I YEARN for a 2nd roomba, oh my. And Corelle is so styling these days!! I just bought my mother the most BEAUTIFUL corelle from Target and I'm looking at getting my dd a set. There's this lovely white embossed I just saw at the outlet. It's open stock, so you could add pieces as they break.

 

[PeterPan]

6 hours ago, SamanthaCarter said:

Maybe you just need a mother’s helper? Sounds like you can swing it financially? 

She's already had that thread. Hired one. Not sure if she still has her. I think the issue is challenging kids (undiagnosed, suspected things ranging from ADHD to whatever) making the whole situation extra challenging. It means fixing up (done by them) probably isn't reality. Would have been better to have moved into a move in ready house in the first place. But that's water under the bridge. 

So if you could find a handyman or residential contractor, maybe get some quotes on basic things. Like paint out all the nasty paneling, basic changes. That way it's not waiting for so and so and good intentions but just what it would really cost if you just did it. And if like $5k can just make something happen (2 roombas, fresh walls, something else updated, a NOOK FOR MOM), then maybe that could get you somewhere. At least you'd be able to compare the cost of moving vs. improving.

Edited December 3, 2019 by PeterPan

[alisoncooks]

20 hours ago, caedmyn said:

One of the problems with both the paneling and the fence is DH's unwillingness to change them.  

I'd be having a serious heart-to-heart with DH. This is a major pet peeve of mine:  husbands who are unwilling to make homes functional for a home-all-day spouse. So he likes paneling, great. But you are home all day, every day, and you need to have some degree of freedom in making this place work for you. It doesn't sound like it's a money issue holding him back. (Your other threads present him as rather patriarchal, making and vetoing decisions re: childcare/schooling and bedroom decorating -- perhaps I'm remembering wrong.)

[Scarlett]

Some of your complaints are short season of life issues.....and some are things you gotta work out with your Dh.....(the fence).   And some things maybe just require tightening of house rules (eating only at the table, frequent droppers of dishes use plastic ware.) with a house that big and so much tile I would get a roomba like machine...

for sure I would wait two years to avoid taxes......

[rebcoola]

Lots of good advice we have a larger house than we need 3600sq ft.   It was a fantastic steal in the neighborhood we wanted.  We have an Alexa in almost every room so we can use it as intercoms and monitors.  Roomba is a fantastic help.  Could you put up some sort of temporary fencing for the 3 yr old.  We love that everyone can find a space to do projects, play music etc without bothering other people. 

[EmseB]

Not to be pedantic (hahaha, who I am I kidding?), but isn't melamine hard plastic? How would it shatter? We have melamine and Corelle plates. The Corelle rarely breaks,  but when it does it is spectacular -- the tiniest shards everywhere. But our melamine plates are hard plastic...I have had one crack after abuse, but I can't figure out how it could shatter. Off to google...

[Shoeless]

I felt overwhelmed by the size of my house when we bought it.  We went from a 600 sq ft apartment to a 2300 sq ft house, and it felt HUGE. We also have all tile in the living areas. 

Get a big janitor-style dustmop for sweeping.  It will go much faster.  A roomba or two could help, as well. 

Tupperware dishes for the kids until everyone is out of the butterfingers stage.  Restrict food and drinks to one area of the house.  

If you really hate all that tile, can you put in carpeting? Wall to wall is expensive, but so is selling a house and moving. 

I'd enlist your husband to come up with solutions for the fence and paneling. If he really does not want to replace the fence, then he has to help come up with something that will solve the problem.  Same for the paneling.  If he wont' come up with a solution with you, then I'd give him a list of options you can live with and tell him either he picks or you do, ("Either we tear it down or we sand it down. Pick one or I decide"). I'd also point out that you were not 100% on this house when you bought it, so he's going to have to compromise on some things unless he wants to hear you complain about it for the rest of his days, lol. 

Any chance he's just overwhelmed by the current projects you have going on, and wants to finish those before starting something new? 

[mumto2]

Saying this as a person who hates moving!

Put cheap throw rugs where things get dropped and combine it with less breakable dishes. Bonus if you can wash the rugs.  Restrict eating to one place.  My kids have always been restricted and are now grown up.......they still self restrict out of habit.  Popcorn and Telly is pretty much it away from the table!  I put a sheet under the toddler to collect crumbs and shook it outside daily with wood floors..

I see you have a couple of older children,  everyday after breakfast my daughter takes our handheld vacuum around the house picking up dust bunnies, crumbs, hair.......whatever for the 7ish minutes she has charge.  She plugs it in and that chore is done.  Best kid job ever.  She still does it.  It is so helpful!  If you don’t want roomba’s send the kids out with handheld vacuums.... maybe a dust mop crew while one vacuums.  

 

[73349]

Stainless steel plates are inexpensive, shatterproof, and should be dishwasher-safe.

[Jaybee]

1 hour ago, whitehawk said:

Stainless steel plates are inexpensive, shatterproof, and should be dishwasher-safe.

But they sure are loud when you drop them on those tile floors! 😜 (Better than shards, I know.) We used to have tile floors and some stainless steel cups. The sound waves bounced all over the place when we dropped one of those, lol.

[caedmyn]

We already have Corelle dishes.  They rarely broke in our previous house with wood laminate flooring, but are guaranteed to break here if anyone other than the 1 yo drops one.

I feel like this house has a lot of wasted/unused space and a smaller house would provide the same amount of living space.  There’s a big L-shaped bonus room with tons of storage closets, most of which aren’t being used because the kids won’t stay out of them or the things in them.  The bonus room will eventually be converted into one or maybe two small and non-conforming bedrooms plus a lot of hallway (because the other bedrooms are behind it).  Half the family room is unusable because of a fireplace in the middle of the room, so the space behind it is just a narrow hall/passage, plus there’s a wet bar we will never use.  There’s a big eat-in area that really can’t be used for anything because you have to walk through it (and around a table) to get to the kitchen, dining room, back door, laundry room, or bedrooms upstairs.  I would have liked to use the dining room for a playroom but the eat-in really isn’t practical as a dining area. 

DH is willing to do some things, but it takes him a long time to get around to doing projects.  It's also very difficult to agree on what to do/whether to do something as his perspective, tastes, etc are almost always the opposite of mine.  I wasn’t looking at this house as a project house when we bought it but it’s kind of turned into one.  The grout in the main level needs to be cleaned.  It’s pretty disgusting to see grout that’s supposed to be light tan but is dirt brown.  It’s going to take me hours and hours to clean it (1000+ sq ft of tile), and then it needs to be sealed, and who knows how often that all would need to be redone.  The tile is mostly travertine which has little holes which also are dirt brown and gross looking and need cleaning.  I tried to get DH to hire someone to clean and reseal but he doesn't want to.  I hadn’t initially planned on removing all the wallpaper but I’ve done 3 rooms and have 1 more to go upstairs, and two downstairs.  We haven’t even started repainting all that.  We’re hiring someone for the living room but I know he won’t pay someone to repaint the one kid bedroom that needs done, so either I’ll end up doing it, or waiting around forever for him to do it.  There's nice woodwork that needs to be maintained somehow.  At least walls can be painted, but how do you remove Sharpie on pine paneling, or highlighter on rough-hewn paneling?  It’s really overwhelming to think about it all.

I did get an intercom system for DD’s room.  We’ll see if it helps much.  I have a video baby monitor set up in the family.  It works ok when they stay in there and not in the bonus room (they don’t follow rules so it doesn't work to tell them to stay out of it), and nobody’s moved or unplugged the camera.  I ordered a stick vacuum to vacuum the tile also.  I’m sure a Roomba would get broken one way or another though i have considered getting one.

 

[prairiewindmomma]

Put locks on the closets. Like this weekend. That’s an easy to solve thing.

I would de-prioritize the grout. It will go uniformly dark. Keeping that sealed is hard with as much foot traffic as you have. Choose to deal with that later.

I think you are going to want the space you have....kids WILL have bigger bodies and bigger stuff. I never grew up wanting to become a handywoman but it has become an empowering thing for me. 

Speaking of which, dh’s flight comes in in a couple of hours and I need to finish touching up the laundry room paint. I got sick of looking at the scuffed lavender walls we inherited.

You get a say in your house. And if you don’t, then I’d be looking at other big decisions. 

[KungFuPanda]

On 12/3/2019 at 3:44 PM, alisoncooks said:

I'd be having a serious heart-to-heart with DH. This is a major pet peeve of mine:  husbands who are unwilling to make homes functional for a home-all-day spouse. So he likes paneling, great. But you are home all day, every day, and you need to have some degree of freedom in making this place work for you. It doesn't sound like it's a money issue holding him back. (Your other threads present him as rather patriarchal, making and vetoing decisions re: childcare/schooling and bedroom decorating -- perhaps I'm remembering wrong.)

Wait, why would a house with over 3000 sq ft have a master bedroom that small? (I just put the two posts together.) I don’t think I understand this house at all. 

[Carrie12345]

I’m with those who think there needs to be some serious adult-couple conversation. You do have a lot on your plate, and the house needs to function for your family, not just your dh’s aesthetic  preferences.  But I would not give up the space.

To be fair, I have giant biases. Ive raised 5 kids in 1100sf of a ridiculous (though cute looking) floor plan.  It was fine for what it was when we bought it, and we had a perfectly reasonable and traditional plan for “moving up” eventually.  We had no idea that the market for our area would completely collapse and take us an extra decade to make moving within reach.  In addition to market values and dried up listings, other things happened in that time to make carrying two houses a scarier prospect. (Healthcare being a big one.)

My point is just that I no longer look at selling and buying houses as something that can be counted on in the future.  If you do decide to move, make sure it’s somewhere you can be comfortable well into the future, with much bigger kids and all their things/friends/privacy needs, etc.   What might not be a financial or logistical burden at the moment can easily change through no fault of your own.

 

My robot vacuum is my new best friend.  Rugs.com is awesome.  And my 12 and stb9yos still use plastic plates and cups.  I don’t want to make light of temporary problems, but moving (potentially temporarily) feels like firebombing-type overkill for this short stage of life.

[caedmyn]

7 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

Wait, why would a house with over 3000 sq ft have a master bedroom that small? (I just put the two posts together.) I don’t think I understand this house at all. 

The master bedroom is 12’x14’.  Is that small for a big house?  It seems like it’s about the same size as the masters in the other two houses we looked at that were in this size and price range.

[Scarlett]

34 minutes ago, caedmyn said:

The master bedroom is 12’x14’.  Is that small for a big house?  It seems like it’s about the same size as the masters in the other two houses we looked at that were in this size and price range.

It is a bit small for 3000 sf,  but not impossible.  I wonder if this house was added on to? Or does it sit as originally designed and constructed.  

Our master in our new house is 17 x 13 which feels like a dream to me.  And the house is only total 1850ish sf.

 

 

[prairiewindmomma]

I think it likely that the square footage includes a finished basement...so a 1500-2000 foot main floor sitting over a finished basement. It would fit with the wallpaper, etc. which points to the 80s with some updates that happened over the years.

 

[maize]

14 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

It is a bit small for 3000 sf,  but not impossible.  I wonder if this house was added on to? Or does it sit as originally designed and constructed.  

Our master in our new house is 17 x 13 which feels like a dream to me.  And the house is only total 1850ish sf.

 

 

Depends on the area too. 

Every house we looked at when we lived in Texas had a massive master bedroom. That isn't true everywhere.

[KungFuPanda]

It does make more sense with basement space or later renovations.  I didn't think of basement space because mine is completely underground and never counts towards square footage. OPs house also could have started with fewer bedrooms and been renovated to have more.  My house is almost 50 and it's a friggin time capsule.  We purchased from the original owners and we haven't done much either. I forget that normal people update things. 😕 We started with THREE harvest gold bathrooms, but a huge fallen tree forced us to renovate two of them.  

I'm not trying to be nit picky.  I'm just trying to visualize the house as the thread goes on to 'see' what the problems are.  I guess it would be hard to settle into a house that you disliked so much that just kept presenting new challenges.  Some personality types are better at demanding exactly what they need in a home and not resting until they get it, and some are better at growing where they're planted.  If this is truly a weird house issue and not a restless personality (that would carry a massive to-do list into ANY home) I might be inclined to change my opinion to thinking moving is a good idea after all.  That wasn't really my first impulse.

[caedmyn]

1 hour ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I think it likely that the square footage includes a finished basement...so a 1500-2000 foot main floor sitting over a finished basement. It would fit with the wallpaper, etc. which points to the 80s with some updates that happened over the years.

 

Yes, it’s a full finished basement.  The dining room was an add-on but I believe everything else is original.  It is an 80’s house. There are some indicators that all the upgrades—wallpaper, tile, paneling, and updated kitchen and bathrooms—were done by the elderly couple who owned it right before us.  They must have owned it for quite a while.

[caedmyn]

I guess I feel neutral about the house overall.  The hassle of the downstairs bedroom locations is really a big deal to me, and that won’t improve as the kids get older.  There will always be kids and teens who need to be checked on frequently (since we don’t seem to run to responsible and trustworthy here).  I did get an intercom which helps somewhat with calling DD, but she still needs to be visually checked on.  The tile and the fence are the second biggest issues.  The size/maintenance is just something that hangs out at the back of my mind, and periodically comes to the forefront when I’m already feeling extra overwhelmed.