Kids who don't like 90 percent of what you cook

[pinkmint]

I'm sure this scenario is not new and I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm also sure I've been enduring this for a long time and because of shame, failed attempts to remedy it and cycling back to apathy (fine, eat a almond butter jelly sandwich for dinner every night of your life), I have not addressed it much. 

 

I've heard lectures and pep talks from people who "Don't take no sh*t" from their children in this area. Eat what I make or go to bed hungry, end of story. What is this pansy world coming to that kids get to call the shots at dinner. I can see what they are saying. The reality of trying to implement that is... I guess it just takes way more than what I have. And it basically makes dinner a horrific thing every night. Or I'm doing it wrong. Or I'm just not a good mom. 

 

Then there's the other end. Don't give them hang-ups about food. Don't require anything. Let them have a diet that consists of literally 3 things as long as they're getting healthy carbs, proteins, fats etc somewhere. 

 

For the record I am making honey mustard chicken thighs and broccolli for dinner. There's a 100 percent chance they won't eat it. 

 

Let me add that I am... I guess the word is weary. I feel resigned to the fact that in this area of parenting I don't know what I'm doing. My own childhood we often did not have dinner at all because of a parent with bad priorities. 

 

Anyway, any thoughts?

 

 

Edited February 28, 2017 by pinkmint

[maize]

I'm not one to push "eat what I serve"; what goes into our bodies is a pretty personal matter and making it into a power struggle doesn't feel appropriate to me.

 

So yes I have had children go through phases of PB&J for pretty much every meal.

 

For some kids, food aversions are a huge sensory issue; forcing them to try stuff they have trouble with can cause gagging, vomiting, or food refusal to the point that they are too weak from hunger to feed themselves.

 

Many kids have much milder preference sorts of pickiness; with those kids it doesn't usually hurt to require "two bites" (or whatever) of the prepared meal before they get the choice of PB&J etc. My four year old often just needs to be coaxed to try something and then will eat an entire serving.

 

In any case, I wouldn't stress excessively or make food into a battle ground if the kids are healthy and growing.

[alisoncooks]

I feel ya. Feeding children can be wearisome.

My oldest is meat-picky. As she says: "it's a texture thing." My youngest is a great eater, who just likes to complain, I suppose. She'll whine about eating most-anything, only to end up liking it.

 

And it is guaranteed: what one likes, the other hates...leaving us with practically no meal that EVERYONE loves. :p

 

I basically make what I like and what most of us will eat. My kids are old enough that can say, "Sorry. We eat this once a month cause everyone else likes it. Have a banana/cheese stick/carrots."

 

I also try to make sure there is something at every meal that they will eat. Tonight is Sindhi beef curry, new recipe. If they don't like it, they will will eat the basmati, naan, and roasted veggies that are sides. I'm fine with it. If a majority approves, it'll go in a regular rotation (I try lots of new recipes, LOL -- eating the same thing weekly is the kiss-of-death here. Unless it's noodles with Parmesan...my kids will eat that daily, if allowed.)

 

So, I have nothing really helpful to add. Just commiserating. :D

ETA: I do encourage them to "try it". I don't make them eat beyond that.

Edited February 28, 2017 by alisoncooks

[sarasue7272]

No advice, but I feel you. It's so frustrating. People say 'oh they won't starve, they'll eat eventually' yea theyll eat junk that they sneak, or they don't eat anything and then throw up the next morning because their blood sugar is crazy. That's after they act like monsters because of said blood sugar. You just can't win.

Mine are 6 and 9 and its a bit better. We seem to go through phases when it awful and then it gets better. The okay times seem to be getting longer.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I feel your pain. 

 

I operate similarly to maize.  One kid is crazy picky.  So he often makes his own food and often it is not what I'd call ideal.  The other kid has his "meh I don't prefer this" moments and I say oh come on just take a few bites.  That works for him because he doesn't have food issues.  That never worked for the crazy picky one.  So anyone who says it works for their kid, doesn't have my kid.

 

So I guess you do what works for you.  Even if that means PB&J...every night (barring it is causing health problems).  But that was the thing.  I'd complain to the doctor and he didn't see any issues so what was he going to say?

 

Crazy picky kid is 15 and he is still crazy picky. 

[chiguirre]

Are there any dinner options they'll eat and you and your dh like? Any that you can make plain for them and sauce for the grown-ups? For example, make their chicken thighs plain and pull the meat off the bone if you have to.

 

It will make your life easier if you can come up with a meal plan that you can all deal with.

Edited February 28, 2017 by chiguirre

[SparklyUnicorn]

No advice, but I feel you. It's so frustrating. People say 'oh they won't starve, they'll eat eventually' yea theyll eat junk that they sneak, or they don't eat anything and then throw up the next morning because their blood sugar is crazy. That's after they act like monsters because of said blood sugar. You just can't win.

Mine are 6 and 9 and its a bit better. We seem to go through phases when it awful and then it gets better. The okay times seem to be getting longer.

 

Yeah this is bogus.  Does not work.

 

Sure if we were truly starving and desperate we'd probably all be willing to eat wallpaper, but this just isn't the reality.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't think my kid likes 10% of what I make.  So...there ya have it.  You must be the better cook. 

 

:laugh:

 

The thing that scares me is when he likes something I make.  Then I have to wonder what is wrong with it.

 

 

[regentrude]

I have a picky eater. I have chosen not to make meals a battleground.

I cook modular meals, and every meal has some components picky eater will eat; the meal is structured so that he can omit components he dislikes.

Meaning: protein, starch, veggies are separate dishes. No casseroles and, until very recently, stews.

 

If DS is eating with us, I only make meals that have something he will also eat.

 

ETA: To take your example of honey mustard chicken and broccoli: he would not have touched that when he was younger. So I would have set aside one piece of chicken for him and grill or bake it plain, and make the honey mustard version for the rest of us.

He would refuse the broccoli. He would eat pasta or rice or bread, so i' d serve a side of either of these.

It requires minimally more work and goes a long way towards harmony at the dinner table.

 

I reserve meals he dislikes for when he is not present.

 

If you know your kids won't eat the food, I would not prepare and serve it.

Anybody who said kids need to eat what is on the plate never dealt with a seriously picky eater.

Edited February 28, 2017 by regentrude

[tammyw]

My son, oy. I was a picky kid so I like to think he'll grow out of it. I sure hope so. But it's hard. I sometimes cook his favorites but since he likes so little, I usually just cook what I want and try to keep some stuff simple so he'll eat (like some spaghetti without sauce).

[pinkmint]

Yes, the blood sugar levels and throwing up in the morning has most definitely been a thing. I'm glad to hear it's not just my kids!

 

Maybe I need to let go of the idea of a proper family dinner, and / or the idea that my kids gladly eating what I prepared means we love each other and if they won't then it doesn't.

 

I may just need to sort of let this one go. But I would like some sort of reasonable and realistic compromise so that we at least eat together.

[AK_Mom4]

Our solution was meet them halfway when younger - always serve something they would eat as a side dish at least.

 

Now that they are older, they can all cook. Anyone, including me, who dislikes what's being served can cook for themselves. This happens whenever we have Mexican food - DD15 hates it and cooks for herself those nights.

 

And yes, we eat dinner together as a family most nights.

Edited February 28, 2017 by AK_Mom4

[regentrude]

Maybe I need to let go of the idea of a proper family dinner, and / or the idea that my kids gladly eating what I prepared means we love each other and if they won't then it doesn't.

 

I may just need to sort of let this one go. But I would like some sort of reasonable and realistic compromise so that we at least eat together.

 

See my post two posts up. We have a workable compromise that allowed DS to participate in family meals without being nagged about food, while making minimal extra work.

[HomeAgain]

I try to make one thing, or one component, that I know each person likes.  Tonight we're having pork chops, wild rice, and asparagus.  I know the younger one will eat the asparagus.  He's not a big fan of pork but he will eat the greens.  And I only require that they sit and talk at the table.  Eating is not mandatory.  Sitting for the full meal is.

[maize]

Make what you want for yourself and husband.

 

Put the bread and almond butter etc. on the table for whatever kids won't eat the meal.

 

Eating together doesn't have to mean eating the same thing. You can sit around the table and enjoy the communal family time regardless of who is eating what.

[Garga]

Gotta run out the door, so can't read the other responses.

 

My kids are very, very picky. Very. I'm picky, too, but not as bad as when I was a kid.

 

We are picky about different things.

 

It's been a rough 14 years around here.

 

I finally, after 13 years of trial and error and a son who started to get obese on eating chicken nuggest and chicken nuggets only, found 7 different dishes that we can all stand to eat. We eat those same 7 meals every week. I figured out a few things for breakfast and lunch, and we eat those same things as well.

 

Sunday: Baked chicken with rice. I put a sauce on mine. (Engagement chicken is the recipe.)

Monday: Spaghetti. Two different kinds of sauce.

Tuesday: Tacos. Kids will eat the shell, meat and cheese only

Wed: Fish, sometimes fresh fish, sometimes something breaded from the freezer (Gordon's or something.)

Thurs: Homemade pizza with leftover chicken from Sunday's baked chicken

Friday: meatloaf for two of us, rotation between 3 soups for the other two of us.

Saturday: something with beef. I haaaaate beef. I'm still struggling to find a recipe I like. I tried a roast beef in the crock pot recipe last week, but it called for waaaay too much sugar.

 

During lunch, the boys drink some sort of V8 juice that has a serving of fruit and a serving of veggies per cup.

We eat corn a lot, when I can get them to eat it.

They take a vitamin every day.

 

It was HUGE when I finally found 7 meals we could eat. HUGE.

 

I feel for you. I fought it for years. Tried refusing to serve them anything until they ate X. My oldest would puke up new foods. People would judge.

 

I hope you can slowly start to find things they like.

 

A hiver gave a recipe for chicken tenders: chicken tenders, 1/4 c breading, 1/2 c shredded parm cheese, 400 oven, 20 minutes. That's a lunch meal.

 

As you can see, the meals we eat aren't bristling with nutrition, but it's the very, very best we can do for now. So, I've learned to live with good enough.

Edited February 28, 2017 by Garga

[lllll]

nm

Edited March 2, 2017 by --Kathy--

[wintermom]

Yes, the blood sugar levels and throwing up in the morning has most definitely been a thing. I'm glad to hear it's not just my kids!

 

Maybe I need to let go of the idea of a proper family dinner, and / or the idea that my kids gladly eating what I prepared means we love each other and if they won't then it doesn't.

 

I may just need to sort of let this one go. But I would like some sort of reasonable and realistic compromise so that we at least eat together.

 

Yes, definitely let go of the idea of people eating your food = them loving you.  

 

 

Also, you may need to re-define (or define clearly) what a "proper family dinner" actually means. I have no idea how you define it, and it doesn't even matter how I define it. What matters is how you and your dh would like a family meal to look like, this year and in the years to come.

[HollyDay]

depends upon the age.  I get their input when meal planning.  If I'm making something dh has requested (like sauerkraut and kielbasa), I'll offer an alternative to dc.  If one dc doesn't like the meal plan, then they can come up with an alternative...so long as it is a healthy alternative. 

[TeenagerMom]

I have a picky eater. I have chosen not to make meals a battleground.

I cook modular meals, and every meal has some components picky eater will eat; the meal is structured so that he can omit components he dislikes.

Meaning: protein, starch, veggies are separate dishes. No casseroles and, until very recently, stews.

 

If DS is eating with us, I only make meals that have something he will also eat.

 

ETA: To take your example of honey mustard chicken and broccoli: he would not have touched that when he was younger. So I would have set aside one piece of chicken for him and grill or bake it plain, and make the honey mustard version for the rest of us.

He would refuse the broccoli. He would eat pasta or rice or bread, so i' d serve a side of either of these.

It requires minimally more work and goes a long way towards harmony at the dinner table.

 

I reserve meals he dislikes for when he is not present.

 

If you know your kids won't eat the food, I would not prepare and serve it.

Anybody who said kids need to eat what is on the plate never dealt with a seriously picky eater.

 

This is the way we work with 2 low carbers, 1 extremely picky sensory eater, and a Vegetarian......we are all adults or teenagers.  Tonight 3 of us ate what I cooked. One is cooking his own.

 

[maize]

Some kids are willing to try stuff if they get to help prepare it. Might be one way to get more variety into them.

 

One of mine couldn't stand the texture of cooked vegetables but would eat raw vegetables dipped in ranch dressing.

Edited March 1, 2017 by maize

[rainbowmama]

I go back and forth about this. My kids will tell you that they don't really like my cooking. They don't hate it. They will eat it, but they make it very clear that they would prefer we go eat every meal at my parents' home, who will just feed them McDonalds or Kraft Mac N Cheese. I try not to take it personally and just keep serving them healthy meals, hoping one day they will appreciate it (but not holding my breath).

[Alice]

I was a very picky eater so I remember what that was like. People would always say things like "It just has a little bit in it, you can't taste it." Yes, I can. Or "How do you know you won't like it if you don't try it?" Because the smell/texture is already making me gag. 

 

I am much better now and eat a pretty wide variety of foods. I'm lucky in that none of my kids is that picky. Oldest will eat almost anything. My daughter is a little picky but not too bad. She's somewhat unpredictable in that she will swear that she hates a food that she has previously eaten many times. My middle son is a vegetarian by choice in a family of meat-eaters. 

 

I don't require anyone to eat anything. Our main food rules is that you have to be polite. No saying it is yucky or gross. No talking about other people's food or food choices. You can say "no thank you" politely. We have rough rule that everyone has to eat some kind of vegetable or fruit at each meal. And I won't make something completely different once we've sat down. If someone decides that they don't like what I made they can get something else reasonable (meaning yogurt, fruit, peanut butter, leftovers, etc.) 

 

Our meals are much like regentrude described. Modular. Especially because of the vegetarian. Occasionally if I am making something that is impossible for him to modify he will have something completely different. We have a repertoire of quick meals he can cook himself or I can make quickly: rice/beans/cheese/spinach bowl, fried tofu, eggs. 

 

I try and always have something that everyone will eat. So if I am making chicken for dinner I make sure the vegetable is one that the vegetarian likes. If I'm making a vegetarian main dish I make sure the side is something that my daughter likes. 

 

We also do a lot of bowl kinds of meals where there is a base of foods and then everyone adds toppings at the table. So we might have rice, chicken, and a veggie in a bowl. Then at the table we put out peanuts, raisins, curry sauce, hoisin sauce, green onions, avocado, cucumbers, salsa, cheese, hot sauce, etc. Everyone can make theirs to their own taste. 

 

I do ask them to try foods if it is something I think it's highly likely they will like. For example, tonight we had pancakes. Daughter swore she hated pancakes. I found that hard to believe because she likes other similar things. I asked her just to try one and if she didn't like it I would make her an egg. We were also having fruit and bacon. She liked the pancakes. But if I had a kid who was extremely picky like I was as a kid I wouldn't necessarily do that. And if she had refused I would have been ok with it. 

 

I just saw the ages of your kids. I would also add that our food rules have changed as they get older. I never made them try anything at age 2. We worked on being polite, not throwing food, basic manners. I put out small portions of foods I knew they liked and then would also put out small portions of new things. They ate what they ate. And with a 2 year old who ate nothing but was still hungry I would make something else. Now for my 10 year old, I don't. I still try and make things I think he will like but if I miss the ball I ask him to help get his own food. 

[Catwoman]

What will they eat? Is it your cooking that they don't like, or do they also refuse to eat when you go to a restaurant?

[CadenceSophia]

I feed my younger or picky phase kids bigger snacks during the day or before dinner so I can enforce our dinner rules without feeling like a monster. We do eat late though. They clear their dinner plates and put on their pj's immediately after. I might feed a meal size snack to a kid at 6, knowing dinner will be at 7:15 and bed time at 8. No one will starve to death between 6 and 8 pm.

 

Once dinner comes, that is the only food for the night. Eat it or don't. I don't allow complaining about the food. All they can say is "this is not my favorite" if they'd like to say something negative. I noticed a lot of the problem ended up being that one child would complain so the others would feel grouchy about the food too and suddenly everyone hated everything. This rule put a stop to that immediately.

 

We do require a "no thank you" bite of each dish on the table but I'd probably give that up if there were sensory issues or something else that seemed legit. My kids are not in the severe category.

 

I do try to put something on the table that everyone likes but it doesn't always work out. I also try and remember we all have different needs for balance of protein, fat and carbs. I think adults often see a meat and a vegetable as a balanced meal but kids especially (and sometimes adults too) really need those carbs. I personally can't eat a huge hunk of steak at night. Protein in the morning sure, but by night veggies and some carbs will do.

[Farrar]

Repeat after me:

 

My children rejecting my cooking is not a rejection of me or my parenting.

 

I've mostly been on the kid side of this, not the parenting one (the "I hope you get one just like you one day" curse apparently didn't work as my children eat a variety of things). Long term, I can tell you that people can grow out of the pickiness. For me, it was in my mid-20's.

 

In practical terms, the modular meals that Regentrude mentioned are the best. If there's a single vegetable that they'll eat, keep it on hand frozen and toss it in for every single meal and, again, remind yourself not to be annoyed by that. Post it on your fridge if you need to. "It's okay if Little Timmy eats frozen peas and plain pasta at every single meal. It will not kill him or me." And then remind yourself that you don't have to eat that. Cook for yourself with modifications.

[Zinnia]

I grew up with a lot of discussion around my brother's pickiness.  He ate something different every single night.  My mom had it in the house (for years and years), so it was expected, and yet, there was still discussion and angst about it.  Every.day.  

I didn't want that.  So, in my family, we have worked hard on not saying anything rude or gross about the food.  We also don't talk about other people's eating habits (mostly; this is sometimes hard for me).  I serve the meal in pieces, and I make sure that there is something everyone likes.  Tonight, we had vegetable soup, which only one of my four kids liked.  We also had rice, bread, and baby carrots.  The four year old survives on air, so she ate 1/2 a piece of bread and 1 spoon of rice.  The 6 year old ate the rice, bread, carrots, and a few spoons of soup.  The 8 year old had seconds (but he struggles with his weight, so....).  The 10 year old ate the rice, bread, and carrots, as expected.  

 

I do sort of hate that they don't like what I cook.  It's been hard for me, if I'm honest.  I feel sorry for them.  I feel like they are missing out on a whole world of food and enjoyment out there.  I also felt sorry for my brother as a kid.  I like food a lot (too much), so that's where I'm coming from with that.  

 

Sleeping and eating are two of the parts of parenting that very much surprised me.  I thought it would be much easier.  And the books make it seem that it should be.  Hahahaha!

[Tanaqui]

Then there's the other end. Don't give them hang-ups about food. Don't require anything. Let them have a diet that consists of literally 3 things as long as they're getting healthy carbs, proteins, fats etc somewhere.

 

I don't know where your kids really fall on the pickiness spectrum, but if they're really at only three things then you can get help for this from an occupational therapist or a speech-language pathologist. I think the cut-off is under 20 distinct foods, but don't quote me on that.

 

[luuknam]

Repeat after me:

 

My children rejecting my cooking is not a rejection of me or my parenting.

 

 

It is when it is personal. Like, my kids like it when my wife makes pasta with sauce from a jar, but not when I make the same exact thing (we even cook the pasta the same amount of time).

 

OP, I feel you. One thing that helped me was to realize that the kids have more varied diets than I thought they did (when I sat down to write down what all they did and didn't eat).

[waa510]

You are so not alone here. My oldest is pretty OK, for the most part. She's one of those kids pps mentioned that might whine a bit but then eats it happily after a couple bites. My youngest is a really picky eater though. Most of that stems from sensory avoidance issues. I've tried:

 

Making extra of a meal I know she likes earlier in the week so that the following night(s) she can eat leftovers of that instead. I'll let her eat pb&j or even cereal sometimes for dinner if we've run out of "her" leftovers.

 

Stress a healthier breakfast and/or lunch meal so if dinner isn't always healthy, it all evens out?? (That's what I tell myself, anyway!)

 

This kid loves french bread, rice, salad, and any kind of pasta with red sauce. I try to have some of one of those available as a side dish so she doesn't flip out. 

 

We've taken to eating a lot of simple meals. Think cheap college kid food..but as healthy as possible. My kids love pizza..great, here's some homemade veggie pizza with all kinds of healthy things hidden in the sauce. 

 

My younger is so much better than she used to be. It's been really gradual but she's making progress to eating some new things. The key is to not make it a big deal and act like I don't care either way. But she's that kid about everything..needs to be her idea, in her own time and on her terms. 

[Caclcoca]

With four kids, there is almost nothing I can cook that everyone will eat.  Tonight we had chili.  I have two children that will not eat chili.  I decided to always serve grilled cheese with chili.  All of the kids will eat grilled cheese. I try to alternate what we eat so we don't have two nights in a row that the same child won't eat.  We always have sandwich stuff, cereal, or leftovers.  I am usually willing to scramble an egg. Some of us do not eat enough vegetables.  I am not terribly picky, but there are some things that I will not eat.  I cannot imagine being forced to eat one of those items.  The thought makes me ill.  Good luck OP!  It is an exhausting process.

[Meadowlark]

I may be the oddball here, but I honestly am one of the "take it or leave it" people that the OP spoke about in the first post. I don't judge what other people do, but I personally cannot even imagine cooking more than 1 meal EVER just because somebody or even most, don't like it. Heck, it's about all I can do to get 3 meals on the table as it is. My kids are all aware of where we stand on the issue (I even have a sign in my kitchen saying so).

 

Now, having said that, I can honestly say I do not seem to have any picky children. And I have 5, almost 6 kids. I make what my husband and I like-sometimes very heatlhy food such as chicken breast, broccolli, grain and sometimes it's tacos and pizza. Whatever it is, they know that their chance to eat comes at dinnertime, and if they choose not to, so be it. They do NOT get a snack later and I certainly do not allow them to waste my time and effort and make whatever they want to eat-leaving the carefully prepared food to go to waste. No way. They eat it, or go hungry. I rarely have any kids who don't eat-honestly. Do they all eat everthing? No, but they are required to at least try a few bites of everything served. My experience has been...if they're hungry, they'll eat it.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

OP, there's no possibility that having picky eaters makes you "not a good mom."

 

If you are providing food, trying to feed them, concerned about their health and growth, not abusing them when they "disobey" your ideals about eating...you're a good mom.

 

The truth is that we can't always control our children. We can only control ourselves. Whether we're talking about parenting, food culture, home culture, love of learning, gentle and effective discipline, personal habits, hygiene, citizenship, community...we can TELL them all day, what we want them to do, but it's what we SHOW them that really counts. Day in and day out.

 

Even getting help for any of these issues - counseling or medical or educational intervention - is usually about helping the child move toward a healthier range; not about getting him to BE or DO or BELIEVE exactly what we want.

 

If you are feeding your family and your children are healthy and growing, it doesn't really matter what your meals look like. Move toward "healthier," if you need to; there are great tips in this thread! Move toward routines and lifestyles that you prefer. But do it at a rate that everyone can tolerate without bringing on a stress level that is probably more harmful than having a limited diet or irregular meals.

 

Talk to their doctor if you feel things are getting worse, or if you think the children are not thriving and growing as they should.

 

 

[Guest]

I hate picky eaters. It's emotionally and physically exhausting to cook multiple meals, and we are stuck doing anyway.

 

This topic makes me stabby. I try to cook meals most of us will eat and just don't tolerate pickiness. You'll give it a try unless it is on the list of foods that make you vomit. And you can always have carrots or hard boiled eggs. Other than that I don't want to hear a single peep on the food and no you may not just have cereal or peanut butter and jelly. Sorry.

 

We rotate meals most of us like most of the time. And we try to balance intake. If my kids want to whine to a therapist about their mean mom and food issues some day they can be my freaking guest. We have varying levels of picky eaters but not the type who cannot handle a bite or two. Thankfully.

 

Hmph.

Edited March 1, 2017 by Arctic Mama

[regentrude]

Now, having said that, I can honestly say I do not seem to have any picky children.

..

No, but they are required to at least try a few bites of everything served. My experience has been...if they're hungry, they'll eat it.

 

LOL. No, you clearly do not have picky children. You do not have kids who would go for days without eating if the only alternative was ingesting the offending food item. 

My experience is: if the strong willed picky eater is hungry, he will become grumpy. But he won't eat. He will choose to remain hungry and would have to be close to serious starvation to eat the food. (Says the mom of the boy who at age 5 refused foods for three days because he did not like the taste of the tooth paste and had figured that not eating would mean  not having to brush his teeth. He would have lasted longer, had I not miraculously guessed at the problem.)

 

Nope - with a truly picky eater, you cannot win, unless you are prepared to use abusive parenting techniques.

Edited March 1, 2017 by regentrude

[Seeking Squirrels]

Gotta run out the door, so can't read the other responses.

 

My kids are very, very picky. Very. I'm picky, too, but not as bad as when I was a kid.

 

We are picky about different things.

 

It's been a rough 14 years around here.

 

I finally, after 13 years of trial and error and a son who started to get obese on eating chicken nuggest and chicken nuggets only, found 7 different dishes that we can all stand to eat. We eat those same 7 meals every week. I figured out a few things for breakfast and lunch, and we eat those same things as well.

 

Sunday: Baked chicken with rice. I put a sauce on mine. (Engagement chicken is the recipe.)

Monday: Spaghetti. Two different kinds of sauce.

Tuesday: Tacos. Kids will eat the shell, meat and cheese only

Wed: Fish, sometimes fresh fish, sometimes something breaded from the freezer (Gordon's or something.)

Thurs: Homemade pizza with leftover chicken from Sunday's baked chicken

Friday: meatloaf for two of us, rotation between 3 soups for the other two of us.

Saturday: something with beef. I haaaaate beef. I'm still struggling to find a recipe I like. I tried a roast beef in the crock pot recipe last week, but it called for waaaay too much sugar.

 

During lunch, the boys drink some sort of V8 juice that has a serving of fruit and a serving of veggies per cup.

We eat corn a lot, when I can get them to eat it.

They take a vitamin every day.

 

It was HUGE when I finally found 7 meals we could eat. HUGE.

 

I feel for you. I fought it for years. Tried refusing to serve them anything until they ate X. My oldest would puke up new foods. People would judge.

 

I hope you can slowly start to find things they like.

 

A hiver gave a recipe for chicken tenders: chicken tenders, 1/4 c breading, 1/2 c shredded parm cheese, 400 oven, 20 minutes. That's a lunch meal.

 

As you can see, the meals we eat aren't bristling with nutrition, but it's the very, very best we can do for now. So, I've learned to live with good enough.

 

This is so simply brilliant. I might have to see if we can do this. I am soo tired of the dinner stress. I know we don't have 7 meals my DD8 will eat, but if we can work toward that goal instead of starting over every week, maybe that would work. Maybe if I can find 5 DD8 will eat and have two days that she'll just have to have pb&j so the rest of us can have something different....  I was so hopeful last week when she actually ate a real dinner. It hasn't happened again. 

 

To the OP, DD8 would not touch that dinner, either. DD4 would, she'll eat almost anything. Yes, it's very tiring. I wish I had a great answer. For us, the "let them go hungry, they'll eventually eat it" was complete BS. Nope. Doesn't happen. And it's not worth that battle with my kid every night. She eats a lot of pb&j and mac n cheese. She won't even eat chicken nuggets anymore which used to be our go-to for her. I would love to hit the point she'll eat even close to 10% of what I make. I can think right now of two dinners she will eat. And they are almost the same, so we wouldn't even want to do them in the same week. 

[Garga]

As a picky eater, I have never (EVER) understood the food=love thing. Please let that one go. It puts an insane amount of pressure on picky eaters.

 

Here's a blog post I wrote a number of years ago about what it's like being a picky eater. I think it's a pretty good description of what it feels like to be picky. https://dustylizard.wordpress.com/2012/06/27/picky-eaters-do-not-like-eating-seal-eyeballs/

[wintermom]

Why do people use the word "picky" for what is actually a (very strong) preference?  It seems like a really loaded word.  Do people with strong preferences about their clothing get labelled with an equally negative term, such as "picky dresser?"  What is it about refusing to eat mama's food selection that earns someone that negative label of "picky eater?" 

 

Just curious.  My sister survived on peanut butter in her youth, so she was a "picky eater" and therefore annoying. I refused to wear a dress as a kid, but I don't remember being called a "picky dresser" because my mom would have loved to dress me up in what she thought were cute clothes.

[Joker]

I used to always say my oldest is picky. It's really that he likes most of his food separate. He hates casseroles. He does eat my lasagna but that is the only dish with foods mixed together he will eat. Even as a baby, he would spit out a lot of casserole type dishes and was rather vocal about what he liked. For a period of time I tried the whole 'eat this or nothing' routine and it did nothing but upset us all. He still went hungry and that just wasn't acceptable long term for us. Fortunately, even though he's like this he does enjoy healthy food so I accommodate by doing what regentrude stated above. When I make something he doesn't like, I make sure to include things he does. He loves most veggies so that's easy to have at every meal. After dinner, if he's still hungry because he didn't eat the protein or majority of what was made, he will fix something for himself (eggs, pb&j, soup, etc.). He's 17 so I'm not going to force anything on him. 

 

Dd used to be picky but she will try anything now at 15, so I don't think it is a parenting issue at all. 

[Frances]

As a formerly picky eater, now completely reformed, in retrospect I wish my parents had done more to at least encourage and maybe even make me at least try everything served. My mom was a great cook and served homemade meals with multiple sides almost every night. But it was easy to load up on the things I liked (generally carbs and some proteins and desserts) and ignore the things I didn't (mainly vegetables). I was always very active and never had weight issues, but despite being offered a fairly healthy diet, I don't think I really had a very healthy diet until after I got married. My husband was never picky and his family teased me quite a bit about my eating habits. It seemed somewhat mean at the time, but it really is what got me to try lots of new things and it turned out that I liked almost all of them. Fortunately, my son took after my husband and was not picky at all, except he doesn't really like sweets. But I definitely don't consider that a problem.

 

Of course this perspective only applies to run of the mill picky eaters, not those with sensory issues or other compounding problems.

[foxbridgeacademy]

Yeah, I had a really picky eater.  She would only eat meat bread and potatoes (and the very tips of broccoli).  So if I made honey mustard chicken I would leave the honey mustard off the chicken and either put lots of butter on the broccoli or only require her to eat a bite or two.  Now at 13 she is a veggie loving GF almost vegan (she'll eat eggs if they're in baked goods).  Her tastes have done a 180... well not quite, she still loves potatoes.  What I did is a combination of the two extremes you mentioned. I did make her eat what I cooked, but only a bite or two then I made her something else.  In time she would eat the bite or two without a fight, then she started saying, "if you put more garlic in the green beans and no onions I'll eat them".  There are still things she won't eat, like cauliflower or cabbage but for the most part she eats really healthy.

[KungFuPanda]

I say keep cooking interesting, real food dinners, just include one thing they'll eat. Let them have their choices at the earlier meals.

 

Lemme tell you a story. I have two brothers. Both picky. The older one was made to finish his food before leaving the table and eat what he was served. Some nights he actually fell asleep at the table. The next brother was six years younger. My parents must've gotten tired or it was a pod people thing. The younger brother never had to eat what he didn't like. He was even pickier than the older one. I swear he ate about six foods. They both grew up to be adventurous eaters, decent cooks, and food snobs.

 

My point? Sometimes the nurture argument is crap and kids are just going to be who they are. If you doubt your chosen method, try to imagine your child talking about this over dinner when he's 30. Just don't employ any tactics that'll make you cringe during the retelling.

[Catwoman]

I'm still hoping pinkmint will come back and tell us what foods her kids will eat, so maybe some of us will have a few creative meal suggestions for her that include those ingredients

 

Several people here have come up with creative ways to work around their kids' preferences and I'm sure their detailed posts were helpful to many others, so I'm hoping we can help pinkmint come up with a plan that will work for her family, too. :)

Edited March 1, 2017 by Catwoman

[Tanaqui]

It's easy to go "Well, hmph, I would NEVER put up with THAT" when you aren't in a position of having to put up with that.

 

I promise you, people whose kids only eat six foods, it's not because Mom and Dad are pushovers. You cannot outstubborn food aversions.

 

Also - it's really, really disrespectful to talk about people as "whining to a therapist". People do not pay good money for mental health care because they want to "whine" about minor issues.

[Guest]

It's easy to go "Well, hmph, I would NEVER put up with THAT" when you aren't in a position of having to put up with that.

 

I promise you, people whose kids only eat six foods, it's not because Mom and Dad are pushovers. You cannot outstubborn food aversions.

 

Also - it's really, really disrespectful to talk about people as "whining to a therapist". People do not pay good money for mental health care because they want to "whine" about minor issues.

Oh brother, I don't think those parents are pushovers. My kids aren't that level of picky and it's a darn good thing because it's something that would be a nightmare on top of our existing diet issues. I'm so burned out right now it's laughable. If my kids whine to a therapist I couldn't care less at the moment - if their biggest issues are Mom's crappy dinner battles then I'm doing pretty good. I'm at the drive away and never come back point.

 

Deal with the hyperbole as intended. Or get offended. I don't really care. I'm just super glad we have found solutions to the food thing that don't make me want to smash my head into a wall in overwhelmed short circuit mode most of the time.

Edited March 1, 2017 by Arctic Mama

[LucyStoner]

Oh brother, I don't think those parents are pushovers. My kids aren't that level of picky and it's a darn good thing because it's something that would be a nightmare on top of our existing diet issues. I'm so burned out right now it's laughable. If my kids whine to a therapist I couldn't care less at the moment - if their biggest issues are Mom's crappy dinner battles then I'm doing pretty good. I'm at the drive away and never come back point.

 

Deal with the hyperbole as intended. Or get offended. I don't really care. I'm just super glad we have found solutions to the food thing that don't make me want to smash my head into a wall in overwhelmed short circuit mode most of the time.

 

Actually you sound like you do care.  You also sound overwhelmed and a bit short circuited, which is wholly understandable given your stage of life just now.  So I can see that you meant your comments in jest.  That they were meant in jest doesn't make them appropriate though.  If you had a child in therapy perhaps you would be able to see the unkindness inherent in such immature and judgmental statements/awkward stabs at humor.  

 

You also don't know from picky and given that you readily admit that you don't know that level of picky, I always wonder why you feel the need to stick an unqualified oar in on threads about picky eating. 

[littlebug42]

I have had picky issues at my house as well.  It is not a hill I am willing to die on.  I was somewhat of a picky kid but eat many more foods now.   My 15 year old used to be very limited in what she would eat but now eats most of what I prepare.  Sometimes, she might choose to eat only certain components but its fine.  She however will not eat eggs or bananas.  The smell of those foods makes her nauseous.  It has been this way since she was a toddler. 

 

My 13 year old has been the most limited in her foods but is also starting to come around.  She does not like most meat and up until recently would never eat tomato sauce.  She now will eat the sauce but not the meat.  She eats a lot of side dishes and salads. 

 

Both of my girls are however now old enough that they can choose to eat what I prepare or do something for themselves.  I always make enough for everyone to eat what I prepare if they choose to do so.

 

ETA:  My dh was one of those kids that was forced to eat what was put before him or go hungry.   He is now the pickiest of us all. I will add that none of us are super adventurous eaters at all. 

Edited March 1, 2017 by littlebug42

[Guest]

I keep rewriting this trying to be nice. Here goes.

 

The OP didn't specify their kid was completely rigid, sensory level picky. Most kids aren't, but dinner issues are common. My kids have had some food issues in varying degree and at least one of them complains/gags/throws up/pushes food around their plate sullenly every meal.

 

My parenting solutions involve a little accommodating, but not all the way on either side of the divide PinkMint mentioned. If her kids are as tough about food as those who eat three items then she can just disregard my commiserating with her levels of burnout and weariness, which is exactly what I was aiming my post at.

 

I feel for her. I'm right there. And the kid who bitched about dinner tonight was asked to eat three bites and then allowed to go play. Oh well.

---------

 

Now onto the OP:

 

Solidarity, sister. Last night was a bad mommy night, and I was late on everything and totally fried. They got fed popcorn with a side of salami, cheese, carrots, apples, and whatever else they wanted to scrounge for. I don't know who ate what and I don't care. Tonight I served a single item (soup) and tried not to freak out on everyone. Most people are it really well with the exception of the aforementioned holdout. When I feel like this and we are dealing with our allergies and aversions and crap I don't have time to care about, I really tend to stick to a rotation of easy things most of us like. Modular food, as someone mentioned above, is also a super useful strategy. I save the more adventurous stuff (honey mustard chicken would never fly here, either, and only a few of them would voluntarily say the broccoli without issue) for days I have more emotional reserves.

 

I'll pray for your weariness, mama.

Edited March 1, 2017 by Arctic Mama

[MercyA]

nm :)  

 

Edited March 1, 2017 by MercyA

[Carrie12345]

For "standard" pickiness, my kids can have a sandwich or just whatever part of the meal they're willing to eat.

 

For severe pickiness, which is more like deep food aversions, which my 9yo deals with, I do have to work hard to make sure he's getting adequate nutrition, and that's not going to happen from just eating a side at every meal.  I try to keep leftovers of his favorite meals in the fridge or freezer so he can simply heat it up when we're having things he won't eat.  When I make chicken, I set aside a piece to stay plain instead of whatever I'm doing with it for the rest of the family.  I separate pasta dishes so his don't have sauce.  I'll take out a portion of whatever before I add spicy things to everyone else's.

 

There are still meals where I'll forget, or we're out of replacements, or I thought it was something he'd like but he didn't, in which case a sandwich or side is perfectly parentally adequate in the moment.  But his body still requires more nourishment than that on a regular basis.  He's a very skinny kid who will drop weight in just a few days if I'm not on top of his intake.  I do occasionally supplement with protein powder if he's having an especially rough week.