6packofun Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 I'd love to hear what has happened in your life that ended up helping you grow more into the person that you want to be or feel you should be (according to your values). :) (Particularly something that was unforeseen, but it doesn't have to be.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 dh's unemployment and more unemployment. starting a business and then having changes in gov't regs screw it up and having to start over again. my own health issues, which aren't generally serious - just sorta chronic, seriously slow me down, and frustrating trying to figure out what's going on. having a late in life baby - who has asd, apd, odd, and anxiety. I really don't want to give more detail than those. I'd like to go sit on the beach now. or maybe go to the mts and be surrounded by lots of snow because it turns everything monochromatic and dampens sound. that would cut down on sensory stimulation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 too many potato chips and beer 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 haha...I'll have to think about it 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaeFlowers Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 (edited) Deleted because too much personal info. Edited January 29, 2017 by MaeFlowers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 My special needs child's diagnoses, especially the second one of progressive hearing loss. I'm a Christian and believe that God has a plan for all of us. I had been very undecided about what I wanted to do for a career. I knew that I wanted to work with kids and I had an interest in healthcare. I was pre-med for the first half of my first undergrad degree but dropped it when DH and I started talking marriage and I realized that I didn't want to spend my 20's in med school & residency. I had taken a language development class as part of my psychology degree and found it very interesting but at that stage of my life I lacked the patience to work with SN kids. When my youngest's hearing loss was discovered, I was actually in the middle of applying to graduate school in Educational Therapy. We had thought that her struggles learning to read were a sign of dyslexia (which she may indeed have in addition to her other SN's). I may still do a certificate in Educational Therapy but I switched my goal to becoming a Speech & Language Pathologist. I discovered when searching for a SLP who specializes in auditory-verbal therapy for the deaf & hard-of-hearing just how much of a need there is for AVT's. The closest one is a 60 minute drive in and 90-120+ minute drive out every week. I feel called by God to use my talents to become an AVT. I graduate with my 2nd bachelor's in May and will be applying to grad school this spring to hopefully start next January. My dad asked me recently if I am really interested in AVT or if I'm just doing this for my daughter's benefit. I have read research from Dr. Anu Sharma, who is a neuroscientist at Colorado-Boulder studying the effects of hearing loss and cochlear implantation on the brain. Dr. Sharma has found that cochlear implants and auditory-based intervention like AVT actually rewires deaf kids' brains so that the visual parts don't take over the auditory processing parts. I find this fascinating on an intellectual level. As an AVT, I would be able to make a very meaningful impact on my patients' lives in a way that most jobs don't offer (certainly the boring jr. executive job I held after my 1st college graduation didn't). 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 DH unexpectedly getting fired and buying the restaurant has caused me to grow the most. We are different people, mostly for the better, but we are different. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 I have too many to count and many are very personal. However, I think most of the negative things that have happened in my life have caused me to grow into a better person. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 The hard times... - the time my heart got broken by someone who was mentally ill, I learned about boundaries. I learned how the circumstances in my childhood led me to put up with far more than I should have. I learned to not take things personally. I learned what unconditional, selfless love is. I learned to let go. - when I got sick I learned what it was to accept needing help, and to be able to ask for it. I learned humility. I learned acceptance and living in the moment. I learned that even when you're in a situation where you have so much pain you can't imagine going on, life still has value. - in grief I learned that life is still worth living even if the person who gives your life the most value is gone. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VaKim Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Having children is honestly the thing that made me grow the most. However, on the unexpected side, finding out I had ovarian cancer at 45, when I thought I was at my healthiest because I was doing all the right things (exercise, eating, vitamins, etc.). I learned that I am not in control, and not to judge others when they are going through hard times and not handling it perfectly. Or when they do things I, at one time, would have said I would never do. It is really true that you never know what you would do in a certain situation, no matter how much you think you do. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Career challenges with related financial challenges. Challenging friends. Kids. Fighting my own demons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) nm Edited February 4, 2017 by .qp_ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Marriage, full stop. Recurring lonliness (from moving) has also been particularly instructive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSmomof2 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Growing up with an alcoholic parent. The break up of an engagement. Infidelity in a relationship. Loss of a close family member to suicide. Many years of infertility. Managing a chronic health condition and anxiety disorder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I just wanted to say that when I read the title of this thread that first thing that entered my head was: Ben & Jerry's Not what you ask for in your post though. ;) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 It's always the hard times isn't it..... here that would be house fire, gratitude having kids, patience, love health issues, you get down you get back up again, and you learn some more empathy and patience with yourself and what really matters kids learning issues, humbling on so many levels losing best friends, which was so much heartache and tears, I learned about myself, and loved myself more This year has had its own trials I don't even wish to discuss, it is much too raw and personal. More work in love and patience and forgiveness and gratitude and persistence. I don't know, I'm still in the midst it is hard to get perspective. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplejackmama Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Hard times have grown me in both good and bad ways. Somethings have strengthen me and given me more courage and strength than I knew I had. Getting through hard times feels like an incredible power trip. But other things have left me scared, bitter, and disappointed. I'm trying to work through these, but the wounds are deep and the pain is real. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 :grouphug: to everyone who posts in this thread. I can relate to almost everything except the Ben & Jerry's thing and chronic illness. DH losing his jobs more than once. Finding out that family relationships just suck sometimes and then they fall apart. Ooooh oooooh! I've got one! Call on me! Moving far enough away from extended family members to a place that most don't want to ever see has been wonderful. :coolgleamA: It wasn't why we moved, but it helped. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Having children! Learning to be assertive because they needed an advocate. Learning boundaries and to trust my own instinct and knowledge. Dealing with learning disabilities and having to be in charge of my own feelings so that I could be mature enough to help them through theirs. Letting go of the imaginary children I had in my head and loving the children God gave me, their surprising strengths and talents as well as their flaws, many mirroring my own flaws. Helping my parents through old age/terminal illness. In many ways, I became the grown up for them as they become more frail and needy. Having to tell a doctor to stop doing tests when he knew darn well that there was nothing more they could do for my mom and he needed to admit that it was her time. Many say that adversity helps people grow and become stronger and for a long time, I believed it. But, the last three years have been very trying. I feel that, instead of growing, I have broken under the pressure. I feel so fragile and so flawed. My coping abilities are worn so thin that I don't handle even small things. I fell into a major funk over something that wasn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of things (many people would say is just a normal part of being a parent to adults and almost adults), but it hit me like a ton of bricks. It derailed my entire day. I'm working on this, but I just don't feel like I will ever be the same. This is my new normal and I don't like it. I don't like the me I've become. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 (((Ethel))) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomsintheGarden Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 (((Ethel))) and hugs to everyone else, too. Marriage and children - some things I knew would be hard, and others have completely blindsided me. Good friends who show me how to be one. Bad friends who showed me what not to do. Homeschooling, which has been both confidence building and humbling. These boards, which have given me a glimpse into a range of experience and opinions I would never have been exposed to otherwise. And gardening, which encourages me to keep trying. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Having chronically ill children changed me more than anything in my life. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Definitely kids. I consciously had to become a better person in so many different ways when my boys arrived. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle in MO Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 The single most defining thing in my life was fostering our nephew. I was at the end of myself with frustration over my lack of control of circumstances and was drawn so much closer to God by accepting that He was in control. Once I knew that peace, it changed everything. Not that the situation suddenly became perfect, but it became something I didn't need to fight against. I could rest in the knowledge that all I needed to do was trust God, not myself, to work things out. I have been growing in that trust ever since, and it's made all the difference in my life. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I keep coming back to this thread but not posting, because I feel my response is negative. But maybe I need to say it, so that I can let this thread go, mentally. And because others that feel this way may need to know they are not alone. I could list out my challenges, but I won't, since they involve other people. I don't feel that these circumstances have made me stronger. I feel burdened by them and, if anything, weaker and drained. I'm actually not a pessimist. I am a Christian, and I know God is good and cares for me and everyone involved. But living with circumstances that won't change is extremely wearing. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I should have added travel as another thing that made me grow. Especially travel to places diametrically different from where I grew up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: to everyone who is hurting. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) Caring for my closest friend as she died. We were in our 20s. Becoming physical custodian of her son. School. Lots of school. Travel. Becoming a stepmom. That was humbling. Chronic illness changed my entire world in uncountable ways. Having a child with significant, life threatening allergies and dealing with the repercussions. There's more, but that's enough for now. Edited January 30, 2017 by Spryte 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Nothing I am willing to post publicly. I have had many of the same struggles: loneliness Death of a close family member Fear Insecurity 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I don't want to get too personal but... -difficult situations with family members -travel -raising my children Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Marriage and kids. Joining the army. The first time I fell in love with someone. Going to university. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Interestingly, the things that made me grow the most have been the hardest things in life for me and the most negative of experiences. Without getting into details, these involved abandonment, loneliness, survival, financial hardship and self-reliance - kind of like what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. When I look back at the old times, I feel like my life is so much better today. So, I would say that what made me grow in every way was the good old "School of hard knocks". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Some things that caused me to grow were painful= losing one parent in early teens and the other in early 20s'. Chronic illnesses/conditions of my own and family that have resulted in even more painful situations. One was neutral- moving frequently and having to adjust to totally new environments Positive ones Marriage Changing branch of Christianity Education Travel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: to both VaKim and Ethel for your struggles. I put both of you in my prayer journal to remember to pray for you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Difficult, painful personal circumstances over the years. They grown me most, but it's not noticeable until I get out of them. In the middle they just feel unrelenting and brutal. That's all I'll say about that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Hands down, most growth came through dealing with addiction and mental health issues in my middle child. I think just time itself helped me grow, too. Things bloom when they sit in the dirt long enough, right? Lol Seriously, though, I do think a lot of growth is developmental. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) Joining a community service organization and working/volunteering at all levels. Homeschooling has led to spiritual growth and more. Going alongside dh in his own business and in current partnership/franchise business is currently stretching my comfort zone. Edited January 31, 2017 by Tina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Infertility....Well, actually we were interested in fostering/adopting Native children even before we were married but infertility did affect the timing. Fostering over 100 children, adopting 3, 2 long term fosters now has changed our lives. Likely 1/3 or more of our friends are foster and/or adoptive parents so it changed our social circles as well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) Hands down having children has molded who I am -- chiseled so much junk out of me, made me realize what's really in me, required me to be more than I thought I could, pushed me and stretched me emotionally, physically, mentally, relationally (is that a thing?). Having children has caused me to lay down interests and hobbies and take up all new ones I never would have. My children have helped me realize what matters and what doesn't. They've helped me develop wisdom and insight, helped me understand rich theological truths through parenting parallels. There are things I'm so glad to have done that I never would have done had I not wanted it for my kids. ETA: While my initial impulse is to say that my dh's sudden death has impacted me most, as a person it didn't so much mould me as reveal what is there -- the weaknesses and strengths. Edited January 31, 2017 by FloridaLisa 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) I would say having adult children, not just children in general. That and general maturity as I grow older and am able to reflect more and see things in a different light. ETA: Traveling and living in different parts of the world, too. Edited January 31, 2017 by J-rap 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Difficult, painful personal circumstances over the years. They grown me most, but it's not noticeable until I get out of them. In the middle they just feel unrelenting and brutal. That's all I'll say about that! This. Seems like everyone's mentioning all of the worst things in their life. The thing that made me grow was escaping my first marriage. At the time I felt destroyed....my memory of that time is of a shell of myself. There is a song that says 'the bravest thing I ever did was run'. That is how I feel...that I k ew I had to do it but it was terrifying.....my life is better now......100% better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Most of my changes as an adult came from dealing with women haters and with mentally ill people. I don't Like the changes but being alive and not used or abused is preferable. The remaining change is finding out I have a genetic variation that almost killed me. I now have no patience for people who want to waste my time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Many say that adversity helps people grow and become stronger and for a long time, I believed it. But, the last three years have been very trying. I feel that, instead of growing, I have broken under the pressure. I feel so fragile and so flawed. My coping abilities are worn so thin that I don't handle even small things. I fell into a major funk over something that wasn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of things (many people would say is just a normal part of being a parent to adults and almost adults), but it hit me like a ton of bricks. It derailed my entire day. I'm working on this, but I just don't feel like I will ever be the same. This is my new normal and I don't like it. I don't like the me I've become. Yeah. We just came out of a 2 year ordeal that's left me in the same place. Fragile. Hurting. Brittle and feeling like I am ready to snap. I can't figure out what the difference has been. I can't think of anything positive that came out of the recent struggle. Nothing. Just hurt and damaged relationships. We can't go back and undo stuff. I think some of it was the personalities we were dealing with. Some of it was the time in our lives when this tragedy hit. We were at a point in my dh's career where he was already maxed out. We were at a place in our parenting when we needed wisdom, intense guidance, and time with our kids and that was unavailable. We were at a time in our marriage when we needed time to spend together and talk and that was impossible due to the nature of the problems. Now here we are on the other side of the struggle and we don't know who we are, what relationships we can depend on and why it all happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) My time in the military. Flight school. Becoming a parent. Marriage. Edited January 31, 2017 by FriedClams 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Reading some of the comments I wonder, does youth make us more resilient? Is growing harder when we're older? I know I've seen friends go through things recently and I wonder how I'd even breathe. Maybe the stakes are higher? Maybe we're wiser? Maybe we're just tired? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Yeah. We just came out of a 2 year ordeal that's left me in the same place. Fragile. Hurting. Brittle and feeling like I am ready to snap. I can't figure out what the difference has been. I can't think of anything positive that came out of the recent struggle. Nothing. Just hurt and damaged relationships. We can't go back and undo stuff. I think some of it was the personalities we were dealing with. Some of it was the time in our lives when this tragedy hit. We were at a point in my dh's career where he was already maxed out. We were at a place in our parenting when we needed wisdom, intense guidance, and time with our kids and that was unavailable. We were at a time in our marriage when we needed time to spend together and talk and that was impossible due to the nature of the problems. Now here we are on the other side of the struggle and we don't know who we are, what relationships we can depend on and why it all happened. I am so sorry you are in this place as well. Reading some of the comments I wonder, does youth make us more resilient? Is growing harder when we're older? I know I've seen friends go through things recently and I wonder how I'd even breathe. Maybe the stakes are higher? Maybe we're wiser? Maybe we're just tired? The only analogy I can think of is a ship at sea. In most cases, we can batten down the hatches and ride those swells. When we come out the other side, we may have some repair work to do, but it is usually manageable. But, some of us have been repairing this boat over and over again and haven't had a break between storms to really shore things up. Sometimes we get hit so hard (Hurricane Katrina) that we run aground, and are taking on water. The next storm can break us up and we feel like we are just flotsam and jetsam being tossed about. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I was thinking about this, and I wanted to add reading. Because I stay home and Homeschool, I have basically been able to learn anything I want to learn, and learn it as thoroughly and deeply as I can, or care to. This, on top of an adolescence spent in books. If I was on some other grind, punching a clock, I would KNOW so much less. There's no way that hasn't affected me deeply, ykwim? Surely, it has been formative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Reading some of the comments I wonder, does youth make us more resilient? Is growing harder when we're older? I think that as women, there are certain times in our lives where our physiology takes a toll on us even if everything else in our life is going fine. If a crisis hits during one of these times, it is much harder to "bounce back" than it would've a decade earlier. I feel lucky that my DD's health crisis hit during my late 30's rather than my late 40's IYWIM. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Marriage, full stop. This is what I was thinking too. Sticking this out with this guy. It took me a good 10 years in before I could see it sans baggage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) nm Edited February 4, 2017 by .qp_ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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