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FIL is in the hospital

AimeeM

By AimeeM,
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Valley Girl
Valley Girl

Aimee, you sound like you're feeling guilty about that, so please let me say ...   You are human. You have been trying to move heaven and earth to do the right things for your FIL and, yes, you may

Valley Girl
Valley Girl

I know how much you want to say "goodbye" to your FIL. I get it. But for the sake of your DH and kids, you just can't risk your eyesight. Call the hospice, have DH put the phone to your FIL's ear and

Valley Girl
Valley Girl

I wouldn't want that either. You know, I might have them draw pictures of a fun time they remember with their grandfather or something like that. Your DH can take the pictures along, hang them up, and

AimeeM

AimeeM

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I'm not "allowed" to go.

 

I stopped by the eye doctor quickly today, thinking my eye was just very irritated. It happens frequently to me when I'm ill otherwise (which I have been).

I have ulcers (more than one) on my cornea (one being in the middle of my cornea and both being large). My eye doctor sent me to a cornea specialist immediately, who told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn't leaving the state unless I could guarantee that I would have access to a cornea specialist - daily - for monitoring (because I'm supposed to go in daily right now for monitoring, over the next week). On top of that, I'm legally blind without my contacts and have huge blind spots with glasses on, and I have to put special drops in my eyes every 15 minutes until bedtime (then the next day every hour). 

I wanted to say screw them all and stick my contacts back in and just GO. My DH said no, and that I'm not risking permanent damage to my eye just to make the trip.

 

I want to say bye. I want to see him again. This is so unfreaking fair. 

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AimeeM

AimeeM

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Oh no! Can anyone drive you? :(

If it were just the drive, I would fly. The problem is the daily monitoring. Nobody can guarantee that I'll have access to a cornea specialist, every day (including the actual day I travel), that far from home, on this short of notice.

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bibiche

bibiche

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Couldn't your eye doctor call someone for you? Didn't you say your FIL is on Philadelphia? There are a number of very fine hospitals there, Wills Eye among them. I'm sure someone would have a heart and fit you in so you can fly up to say goodbye.

I'm sorry and I hope you can find a way to get there to say goodbye.

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AimeeM

AimeeM

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Ugh, I'm so sorry Aimee. Not to just ignore the current situation with FIL, but what's the long-term treatment for an ulcer in your cornea? Will the drops make them slowly shrink? Is there anything beyond drops that they can do?

He said that if everything goes "absolutely perfectly" with the antibiotic drops and the prescription cream, for a week, then he will start a steroid drop as well. If things didn't go perfectly, we'd "talk about it." Not sure what that means, but I know there's a chance my cornea is already permanently damaged, just because I couldn't resist reading up on it. 

I'm not sure how that would affect me, considering my eyesight is already terrible, still getting worse yearly (and I'm not a candidate for corrective procedures). So I'm inclined to say that it may not affect my day-to-day much. In fact, that's exactly what I told DH earlier when I was considering saying "screw you all" to the doctors and just going to FIL regardless.

 

Initially the doctor thought she saw only one ulcer. Then, with another dye, she found a second (that one is in the middle of my cornea). Both were larger than she has experience handling (and the placement of one of them bothered her), so she sent me to the cornea specialist.

 

I have no clue if they could call a specialist for me in my FIL's area, but my FIL is in an outskirt of philly (not in philly). I could definitely ask, though, although flying presents its own problems - primarily that I have absolutely nobody to stay back with the children and The Marvelous Flying Marco would absolutely melt (think, epic meltdowns, which are kind of his trademark) on the plane, as he's never been and his sensory issues are just that hard right now. If I'd initially planned to fly, accommodations could have been made for him to fly easier, but well in advance.

Everyone that I can trust with Marco is out of state/on vacation right now. DD isn't old enough to stay home alone with him for that long a period of time, although she is as good with him as I am.

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prairiewindmomma

prairiewindmomma

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Do you have a bestie or a college student for hire that could drive you?

 

Here's the contact info for Wills Eye: https://www.willseye.org/cornea-service

I counted 11 cornea specialists in the practice.

 

I'd have your ophthalmologist call in and see what can be arranged, if possible.

 

I'm so sorry that you're going through this additional level of stress.

 

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AimeeM

AimeeM

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Do you have a bestie or a college student for hire that could drive you?

 

Here's the contact info for Wills Eye: https://www.willseye.org/cornea-service

I counted 11 cornea specialists in the practice.

 

I'd have your ophthalmologist call in and see what can be arranged, if possible.

 

I'm so sorry that you're going through this additional level of stress.

No bestie and I don't know any college students (and wouldn't be comfortable on that long a drive, with my children in the car, with someone I don't know well). I do have friends, and some family, that I trust - but they are out out of state (vacation). 

 

Thanks for the contact info. It's a bit far from where Dad is (Phoenixville Hospital; house is in Norristown) considering my driving restrictions right now. Would I search "cornea specialists" in Phoenixville to find similar?

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prairiewindmomma

prairiewindmomma

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Here's the one at Phoenixville Hospital: http://phoenixvilleeyecare.com/seemarpatelmd.shtml

and their contact info: http://phoenixvilleeyecare.com/contact.aspx

 

I didn't find much luck finding someone in Norristown.  It seems like Wills Eye is such a specialty center that there aren't a lot of cornea specialists outside of that facility.

 

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Valley Girl

Valley Girl

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I know how much you want to say "goodbye" to your FIL. I get it. But for the sake of your DH and kids, you just can't risk your eyesight. Call the hospice, have DH put the phone to your FIL's ear and talk to him. Say the things you need to say. Even if he doesn't respond, you'll know he heard you. One other thing, from everything you've said, it sounds as though you're as dear to your FIL as he is to you. Guaranteed he would NOT want you to put yourself at risk by traveling or feel pressured into making less-than-ideal arrangements for his beloved grandchildren. Sometimes we just can't be there physically--so we have to be there as best we can. So sorry you're facing these additional issues at such a difficult time. It's terribly unfair (as life so often is).

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AimeeM

AimeeM

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Dad passed away a couple hours ago. DH was with him. He never regained responsiveness around yesterday afternoon. I talked to him (DH held the phone up for him and he opened his eyes while I spoke to him) yesterday, late morning; by afternoon he had stopped responding at all and respiration was only 8-13 breaths per minute. Around 4 DH noticed he hadn't taken another breath (I think he had been counting Dad's breaths) and felt for a pulse. 

 

DH is still sitting with Dad. 

 

 

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Ewe Mama

Ewe Mama

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I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug:

 

You have been a wonderful daughter-in-law to him. Remember that you respected his wishes to stay in his home as long as possible, even though you wanted him there with you and all of your family. You handled it all with such love and grace. There is no doubt that he loved you. :grouphug:

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freesia

freesia

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Oh, Aimee, I am so sorry. It's so clear how much you loved him and what a wonderful man he was. He lived a rich life and clearly was a blessing to many. You will always carry s piece of him and will share that piece with others in your life. Peace and comfort to you all .

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