Disappointing gifts check in

[purpleowl]

Not so much "disappointing" as "forgotten", but DH bought me a chocolate fountain for Christmas. I know this becasue DH is horrible at hiding gifts andhis it in one of his (very deep) dresser drawers... when I'm the one who ends up putting his clothes away because he never gets around to it, lol. It wasn't for anyone else, we plan out all our gifts for family members together. He even dropped a hint about it a few days ago when I was making chocolate truffles and was at the tricky final stage where you enrobe them, about how one of my gifts might make this a lot easier.

 

He forgot to give it to me. I put away laundry again this morning and it's still there in his drawer. We're having a Christmas party with extended family is just a few hours and it would be REALLY nice to have it around for the party... but I'm not sure how to go about reminding him to give me a Christmas gift when I'm not supposed to know about, lol.

 

"So I remember that you said one of my gifts might make it easier to make chocolate truffles, but I can't figure out which one that was.  Which were you thinking of?"  And then watch the deer in headlights look, lol. :)  

[Renthead Mommy]

I so appreciate your response. My parents are a narc/enabler team, and I was their miserable, scapegoat only child. I have told my dh multiple times- in fact, finding me later in tears, I was told by him that Christmas is for kids. I notice he doesn't turn down the $200 cash gift from his mom to him yearly even though "Christmas is for kids." The truth is, my kids I can't fault, but otherwise I am surrounded by jerks. I need to fix that. I am very direct, but it doesn't matter.

 

 

No, christmas is for the people you LOVE.

[Lisbeth]

(((Lisbeth)))

Thank you for the validation. I feel guilty for being upset. So many people have it worse. Some people have no homes or food. I know it's a first world problem. But this goes on year after year. I stopped reading FB around Christmas or Mother's Day! So depressing! I am enjoying everyone's stories on this thread. You all are handling your disappointments with such good humor. Making me feel better.

[Evergreen State Sue]

Everyone enjoyed their gifts, but I was disappointed in how my children used the money we gave them to buy gifts.  We gave them $30 to spend on each family member.  (We have a small family and no relatives that give us gifts to fill in.) I know for a fact because I saw some receipts that one gift was only $16, another was under $10, and still another with discounts and store credit only was $2.  Then one child bought a sibling something that was over $50.  I let them know next year they need to get jobs and use their own money for gift giving.

[Junie]

I got absolutely nothing. As in, not a homemade drawing from a kid, nothing from dh, nothing from my parents. I usually get pretty much nothing and try to be not petty, but I am tired of being the bigger person. It hurts. It shows just what people think of me.

 

:grouphug:

[Hoot]

We didn't have any disappointing gifts yesterday. Everything was really fantastic and well-received.

 

Today we got the gifts from my dad and step-mom in the mail and they were underwhelming as usual. They sent DH and I a gift card for Applebees. Meh, neither of us like Applebees and I honestly can't even get a real meal there being that I'm vegan and they are AWFUL about customizing food. We'll either use it for apps and dessert or something or we'll just regift it to someone who enjoys their food.

 

They sent ds16 a Game Stop giftcard, which isn't terrible. Gaming isn't really his thing, but he'll play occasionally with friends.

 

But then they sent an iTunes gift card, too. We have told them the last THREE years that ds doesn't have any Apple products, so an iTunes gift card is useless to him. I've suggested a Visa, Amazon, or even Wal-Mart gift card in the past, but they just don't care enough to pay attention. They've always been too busy with my step-siblings and their kids needs to really be concerned with me or my brother or either of our kids.

 

It's not really a big deal and we've come to expect it every year. DS takes it in stride and we usually just end up regifting the cards to people who can use them.

 

Sent from my VS985 4G using Tapatalk

Edited December 26, 2015 by Hoot

[Spryte]

Thank you for the validation. I feel guilty for being upset. So many people have it worse. Some people have no homes or food. I know it's a first world problem. But this goes on year after year. I stopped reading FB around Christmas or Mother's Day! So depressing! I am enjoying everyone's stories on this thread. You all are handling your disappointments with such good humor. Making me feel better.

Lisbeth, I'm sorry.

 

Next year, could you pick out gifts that you want, and tell your husband or kids to wrap them. They won't be surprised, but you will have something.

 

Honestly, I'd frame this to DH as teaching your kids to give and not just take. It's a life lesson they need.

[Seeking Squirrels]

I actually think everything was a hit this year. Usually there's something that's off somewhere. I got something that I already have, but it's part of a collection so I am going to see if I can exchange it for one I don't have. (Doctor who Funko Pop for anyone who cares!)

 

We did amazon wish lists for the kids (both grandparents request this) and they are supposed to let me know if they buy something from it somewhere other than amazon so I can remove it from the list. My mom forgot on something for both the girls so their aunt got it for them as well. But I knew she had and we went to my moms on Christmas Eve. So DH called his mom and let them know the girls got it and they had time to go and exchange for something else.

 

You can make Amazon wish lists private so others can't search them. I have two wish lists for myself. One is "Anne's stuff" and is private. This is where I save ideas for myself or things I just want to go back and find later. Then I have "Anne's wish list" which is public and that's the one the parent's/in-laws can check for gift ideas. I also have several wish lists to keep things organized. One for school stuff, one for sensory related things for DD, one for games, one for books.

[AndyJoy]

That happened to me last Christmas - my mom went shopping on my wishlist which was really my "ideas for later" list and I ended up with a nice grill basket and something I had been thinking of buying a friend. We don't have a grill....but when we get one again, we will enjoy that basket. :-)

FYI individual Amazon lists can be public or private. We each have a public one then more private ones for regular shopping, ideas for others, birthday party theme ideas, things we're considering, homeschool resources, etc.

[Catwoman]

Thank you for the validation. I feel guilty for being upset. So many people have it worse. Some people have no homes or food. I know it's a first world problem. But this goes on year after year. I stopped reading FB around Christmas or Mother's Day! So depressing! I am enjoying everyone's stories on this thread. You all are handling your disappointments with such good humor. Making me feel better.

If you really want to feel better, tell your family you have to go out of a while, and take yourself on a nice shopping trip to the mall. Buy some expensive stuff and be sure to tell your dh that you wouldn't have had to do it if he had done the right thing and bought you some presents.

 

Also, do your in-laws give you anything for Christmas, or do they just give $200 to your dh?

 

If he gets something and you don't, he should offer to share his gift money with you. If he doesn't, I think he is being terribly selfish and inconsiderate. And if your in-laws would give him the money and not give you anything, I wouldn't even bother dealing with them at Christmas. I could understand giving your dh the money if you weren't there and saying that they hoped you and he would enjoy it, but if it's all for him and nothing for you, that's very mean.

 

How old are your kids? Why don't they feel it's important to give you a gift?

[Annie G]

I so appreciate your response. My parents are a narc/enabler team, and I was their miserable, scapegoat only child. I have told my dh multiple times- in fact, finding me later in tears, I was told by him that Christmas is for kids. I notice he doesn't turn down the $200 cash gift from his mom to him yearly even though "Christmas is for kids." The truth is, my kids I can't fault, but otherwise I am surrounded by jerks. I need to fix that. I am very direct, but it doesn't matter.

 

 

:grouphug:

 

It's not about gifts that are purchased or wrapped...I think you are probably just looking for some appreciation.  I know how you feel.  

 

I mean, anyone can go out and buy a gift. But if someone takes the time to put a Christmas playlist on my phone so I can enjoy some holiday music, I appreciate the thought. I love that when I get up in the morning dh has already washed my cup and filled it with my favorite morning drink.  Feeling appreciated is someone we need all year long but when we can't even feel it on Christmas it reminds us of how we've felt all year long. 

[cjzimmer1]

My sister got me a gift card for my DH and I to go out to eat without the kids since we don't often get to go out to eat due to finances.  I so very much appreciate the thought, she admitted she had a hard time picking one since there are many nice restaurants near us and she didn't know which one we would like best.  Unfortunately the one she picked is a place I have only been once in my life because I got food poisoning the only time I was there.  Even though it's been over 20 years since I've been there I still get queasy at the thought of eating there.  This is a different location and it's been 20 years and restaurants wont' stay in business that long if they regularly make people sick, so logically I know it will be fine but there is the part of my brain that says, "Boy I wished she would have picked anywhere but there".

[38carrots]

I so appreciate your response. My parents are a narc/enabler team, and I was their miserable, scapegoat only child. I have told my dh multiple times- in fact, finding me later in tears, I was told by him that Christmas is for kids. I notice he doesn't turn down the $200 cash gift from his mom to him yearly even though "Christmas is for kids." The truth is, my kids I can't fault, but otherwise I am surrounded by jerks. I need to fix that. I am very direct, but it doesn't matter.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:  It's time to start treating yourself to some nice gifts. But I know it stings. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[KungFuPanda]

https://www.etsy.com/listing/199040809/anatomical-womb-charm?ref=shop_home_active_8

Mentioned this in another thread. In 17 years of being married to dh and owning a lovely James Avery charm bracelet for 25 years, he has purchased exactly one charm for it- until now. You'd think he would have purchased a charm when we bought our first house or for our first Christmas together or for any other wonderful occasion- nope. I had a open hysterectomy 10 days ago. For some very odd reason, dh felt moved to give me this peculiar charm. Yuck. I want it out of my house. This charm made me cry today. I thought it was a joke initially. No, it wasn't a joke. Worst.Christmas.gift.ever.

Nobody is going to top that. I think you are the winner of this thread. Someone get thus woman a cupcake!

[NCMom]

Let me explain a little, my posts are confusing. I have been direct, but the cheerfully just accepted when saying I want a little token goes nowhere. This year, after years of it, I am not being gracious. I am actually not going to allow being about giving, not receiving, not being greedy, etc, all of the polite things be cover for adults who take and never give back. Tiredof being polite about it. Honestly the saddest is it robs me of my love of giving, because giving to the adults in my life now makes me feel like a doormat or a sucker when I am never considered in return.

 

So many years I have been in your shoes.  :grouphug:   I have literally sat through multiple Christmas mornings while everyone in my family and my extended family got multiple gifts where I got nothing - or maybe one or two things. My mother accidentally (on purpose) forgot to get me a gift quite a few times.  Of course this is the woman who repeatedly forgot my birthday - and my youngest sister and I were born.on.the.same.day. :glare:

 

This year my youngest got me something and my sisters both! gave me a gift card. (To be fair the older two children are both broke college students and they are doing some remodeling/painting for me.) 

 

It made a big difference to even have a few gifts though!  I have to admit that a petty little part of me almost didn't get dh anything this year. Instead I got him a REALLY nice gift this year. That was even better, lol.

 

 

I think you are right to not be polite about it. I think If I had been less polite over the years, things would have been better.  Next year I am going to buy my own *#&*@ presents  - with his money. Oh yeah! lol.

[KungFuPanda]

We didn't have any disappointing gifts yesterday. Everything was really fantastic and well-received.

 

Today we got the gifts from my dad and step-mom in the mail and they were underwhelming as usual. They sent DH and I a gift card for Applebees. Meh, neither of us like Applebees and I honestly can't even get a real meal there being that I'm vegan and they are AWFUL about customizing food. We'll either use it for apps and dessert or something or we'll just regift it to someone who enjoys their food.

 

They sent ds16 a Game Stop giftcard, which isn't terrible. Gaming isn't really his thing, but he'll play occasionally with friends.

 

But then they sent an iTunes gift card, too. We have told them the last THREE years that ds doesn't have any Apple products, so an iTunes gift card is useless to him. I've suggested a Visa, Amazon, or even Wal-Mart gift card in the past, but they just don't care enough to pay attention. They've always been too busy with my step-siblings and their kids needs to really be concerned with me or my brother or either of our kids.

 

It's not really a big deal and we've come to expect it every year. DS takes it in stride and we usually just end up regifting the cards to people who can use them.

 

Sent from my VS985 4G using Tapatalk

Are there any computers in the house? You don't need an apple product to use itunes online. You can listen to your music on your computer even if it's a PC, or go old school and burn it to a disc for a CD player.

[ThisIsTheDay]

I got absolutely nothing. As in, not a homemade drawing from a kid, nothing from dh, nothing from my parents. I usually get pretty much nothing and try to be not petty, but I am tired of being the bigger person. It hurts. It shows just what people think of me.

 

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

It's time to change things up at your house.  You don't have a sig line that shows the age of your child/ren, but now is the time to take action so that the pattern does not continue and is not repeated in their households when they grow up.

 

You might even start small, and start now.  You can have the children draw you each a picture as a present. This can be part of your school day, or you can do it for a certain day (such as New Year's). Begin modeling gift giving, wrap small packages of crayons. When they open it, ask how it makes them feel--happy? loved? etc. Remind them how nice it is to feel that way and how nice it would be to help someone else feel that way. Invite them to give you a gift. You can even do this by sharing small pieces of food, slices of fruit, a taste of something you're making. 

 

For the bigger days, the "real" gift days, buy your own.  What reasonable gift would be nice for Valentine's Day?  Buy it! Tell your dh, "This is what you can give me for Valentine's Day!"  Put it in a gift bag yourself if you have to! 

 

When you take your children out to shop for your husband, take them somewhere to shop for you too. You can even go to the Dollar Store. Talk about different things that you each like, and then let them buy something to surprise you later.  Teach them the pleasure of gift giving.

 

Most importantly, don't be snarky about it.  Clearly your dh stinks at gift giving.  I'm sure he does other things wonderfully! Take this on yourself, don't worry that you're being petty, don't try to be bigger. Yes, it hurts, but YOU CAN FIX part of this.    It might not be perfect, but it CAN BE better.  Take charge of the situation and CHANGE IT.

 

:grouphug:

 

[Valley Girl]

I so appreciate your response. My parents are a narc/enabler team, and I was their miserable, scapegoat only child. I have told my dh multiple times- in fact, finding me later in tears, I was told by him that Christmas is for kids. I notice he doesn't turn down the $200 cash gift from his mom to him yearly even though "Christmas is for kids." The truth is, my kids I can't fault, but otherwise I am surrounded by jerks. I need to fix that. I am very direct, but it doesn't matter.

 

I'm so very sorry. Do you get gifts for him or help your children get gifts for him? Are you the one who pulls everything together? Can you coach the kids directly so they grow up knowing how to give and receive? If your DH enjoys being on the receiving end but deliberately chooses not to include you in the fun, now might be the time to stop that cold. "Since Christmas is for kids, I gave the money we would have spent to Toys for Tots." Again, so sorry you were left out.

Edited December 26, 2015 by Reluctant Homeschooler

[ThisIsTheDay]

 They sent DH and I a gift card for Applebees. Meh, neither of us like Applebees and I honestly can't even get a real meal there being that I'm vegan and they are AWFUL about customizing food. We'll either use it for apps and dessert or something or we'll just regift it to someone who enjoys their food.

 

They sent ds16 a Game Stop giftcard, which isn't terrible. Gaming isn't really his thing, but he'll play occasionally with friends.

 

But then they sent an iTunes gift card, too. We have told them the last THREE years that ds doesn't have any Apple products, so an iTunes gift card is useless to him.

 

Not just to Hoot, but in general.  There are reputable websites that will trade your gift card for something you'd choose. You lose some of the value, but at least you'd get something.

 

You might also look at your local Facebook groups, or check out local Facebook Yard Sale groups to sell your cards for $5 less than face value.

 

Regifting is great.  As a youth sports coach, we've received several that surely are regifts--$25 cards to restaurants that are more than that for lunch!  Last time, we waited with one card, and received a second $25 card to the same restaurant the following season.  That was nice, as we then had $50 for dinner, lol.

[Denise in Florida]

My in-laws gave me a heavy-duty set of 5 pliers. Dfil picked it out for me because I "like to build stuff"-- (I did enjoy making a cage for my quail two years ago, and told them at the time that it was a fun project).

 

 

Kudos to him for remembering a personal detail you told them. :)  I have received many perfectly nice but 'generic' gifts from in-law types. Nice people, nothing to complain about but totally interchangeable if you know what I mean. :)

 

 

 

 

[Denise in Florida]

I'm sorry but this gave me the giggles for a long time. So random! I can't imagine choosing hair color even if it was on someone's wishlist!

 

 

It made me laugh too because I have actually done that as the gift giver.  Seen something odd on the wishlist but 'hey! they must want it so why not give them something they want.'  oops  :)  

[ashfern]

We had one gift from my sister that was broken. It was a cute snowman platter. But she didn't protect it very well in shipping it to us. I'm just hoping that she didn't pay the $20 that was on the price sticker. I won't mention it to her though. The one that really upset me is the marble statue that I really wanted. DH got it for me and it arrived a couple of weeks ago. It was sitting in the shipping box until Christmas. He almost forgot to give it to me. When we opened it up the head has mold on it.  :crying: I'm hoping that it can be cleaned. I don't want to try anything until we call the company on Monday.

[elegantlion]

Thank you for the validation. I feel guilty for being upset. So many people have it worse. Some people have no homes or food. I know it's a first world problem. But this goes on year after year. I stopped reading FB around Christmas or Mother's Day! So depressing! I am enjoying everyone's stories on this thread. You all are handling your disappointments with such good humor. Making me feel better.

 

((Lisbeth)) 

 

I've been one of those poor people who asked and received food for Christmas not so many years ago. My parents made it fun and wrapped it up. 

 

I don't think bad situations negate your disappointments.  :grouphug:

[Denise in Florida]

I got absolutely nothing. As in, not a homemade drawing from a kid, nothing from dh, nothing from my parents. I usually get pretty much nothing and try to be not petty, but I am tired of being the bigger person. It hurts. It shows just what people think of me.

 

 

So sorry :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Lisbeth]

So many years I have been in your shoes. :grouphug: I have literally sat through multiple Christmas mornings while everyone in my family and my extended family got multiple gifts where I got nothing - or maybe one or two things. My mother accidentally (on purpose) forgot to get me a gift quite a few times. Of course this is the woman who repeatedly forgot my birthday - and my youngest sister and I were born.on.the.same.day. :glare:

 

This year my youngest got me something and my sisters both! gave me a gift card. (To be fair the older two children are both broke college students and they are doing some remodeling/painting for me.)

 

It made a big difference to even have a few gifts though! I have to admit that a petty little part of me almost didn't get dh anything this year. Instead I got him a REALLY nice gift this year. That was even better, lol.

 

 

I think you are right to not be polite about it. I think If I had been less polite over the years, things would have been better. Next year I am going to buy my own *#&*@ presents - with his money. Oh yeah! lol.

I'm sorry you are in a circumstance like mine! I love that you are taking control of the situation!

[Lisbeth]

To answer a question, I have two teens and two younger kids. I think to them I am "mom" instead of a person. We are all close, but I am going to make sure they are taught about giving. They are generally very polite, well behaved kids. I am going to take some of the suggestions offered here. Thank you!

[happi duck]

HUGE disappointment for dd6: (pun intended!)

I had taken her to the dollar store and gave her money to shop for whatever she wanted. I stayed up front and let her have at it:) she has been so incredibly excited, waiting for me to open it. She tried to give me clues every day.

 

I opened it this morning to find the most ginormous black bra, lol!!! Best present EVER. Hubby and I had tears:)

She was so disappointed that it didn't fit...but hey! Got in a math lesson when she said she should have calculated the 'volume!'

I keep thinking of this...thanks for the smiles!

:)

[MistyMountain]

My disappointing gift was the kindle fire kids edition. The kids profile does not allow music, audiobooks or access to the video library. The whole reason I got it was for music and audiobooks. What the heck is up with that. Why would kids be blocked from that stuff but they can add whatever app they want. I paid for free time and is more of a hassle and not at all useful. I have to use my profile for my kids. I not crazy about navigating on a regular profile either. It shows things you do not even had and that is in the cloud but not the device.

[zoobie]

I saw a pair of earrings I really liked when we were on vacation.

 

DH secretly ordered them and had them shipped to us. The package had to be signed for, so he went to the post office to pick it up, and brought it home in his truck.

 

The night of 12/23, when we were out at the Star Wars movie, someone jimmied open his truck door and stole the package. No Christmas present for me!

Oh no! Depending on which credit card he used, he may have theft/breakage protection. That really stinks.

[Garga]

To answer a question, I have two teens and two younger kids. I think to them I am "mom" instead of a person. We are all close, but I am going to make sure they are taught about giving. They are generally very polite, well behaved kids. I am going to take some of the suggestions offered here. Thank you!

Do not wait until Mother's Day or, heaven forbid, next December to address this.

 

If a child acts improperly most of us agree to correct it right away with a do over. When a kid says, "Ugh, clothes!" upon opening a Christmas gift, (for an example that's been on the board for a couple of days), most of us agree that Mom should say, "Hang on...you need a do-over. Say thanks when you get a gift."

 

You need a do-over RIGHT NOW. Right now.

 

Sit the family down tonight and say, "No one has bought me Christmas gifts for years in a row. I've been nice about it and it's gotten me nowhere. I am dead serious that I expect you guys to go out and get my gifts by Monday night. It's not about me being greedy. It's about you guys being, frankly, jerks and you need to make it right. Immediately. And an 'I'm sorry' wouldn't hurt either."

 

And then before your birthday and Mother's Day remind them that you expect some recognition for it, which is the custom and norm in our society.

 

You don't have to be mean about it. Just up front and practical and letting them know they hurt you and what they can do to make it right. Do not wait. Do it now. Get it out in the open. Get it over with. Pull off the bandaid fast and let the wound air out.

 

ETA: Well, maybe don't call them jerks. But 'thoughtless' is an idea. And if you don't tell this to the kids, then most certainly tell your husband. You can let the kids off the hook if they have no income and job, but let them know they need to go with your DH and help pick something out.

Edited December 27, 2015 by Garga

[poppy]

I don't have any pictures around of our specific dresser, but it's similar in style to this. DH has a lot of thick, heavy work clothes, so we made sure to get a dresser with super-deep drawers that can hold those sorts of clothes without a problem. That being said, it's still a relatively small chocolate fountain. (link if you're interested; the reviews on it are saying it's too loud, hmm... I guess we'll find out!)

 

I got the fountain, btw. I found some more laundry to put away, waited until the baby started crying, and then passed it to DH with a "could you please put these away before the party? I need to feed the baby." About 10 minutes later he emerged from the bedroom with a hastily-wrapped box and a sheepish expression on his face. :lol:

 

 

I am so glad to see this update, I was picturing some kind of "Love Actually" situation with Emma Thompson and the Joni Mitchell CD.  Glad it was really for you!!

[Mimm]

I so appreciate your response. My parents are a narc/enabler team, and I was their miserable, scapegoat only child. I have told my dh multiple times- in fact, finding me later in tears, I was told by him that Christmas is for kids. I notice he doesn't turn down the $200 cash gift from his mom to him yearly even though "Christmas is for kids." The truth is, my kids I can't fault, but otherwise I am surrounded by jerks. I need to fix that. I am very direct, but it doesn't matter.

 

Wow. In that case I would be buying myself gifts around Christmas. If he wondered why you spent the money on yourself, I would tell him that it's his Christmas gift to you.

 

My husband is a bad gift giver and I spend on myself close to Christmas.

[myfunnybunch]

Not disappointed but I feel bad for DH.

 

Stockings. My favorite part of Xmas morning is stockings. I love filling them and love opening mine. 2 days before Christmas we were in a group and I said something similar.

 

DH came to me later and said he feels terrible that he never knew that stockings were my favorite part. 17 years married, 28 years together. Oops.

 

Guess what was in my stocking? Oranges and candy I'd bought, plus a sweet necklace. At least the one thing was there! He feels terrible.

 

I think I'm going to send him a link to women's stocking stuffers. :)

My dh finally (gently) got the message. He does great now! He goes to the local handmade market and gets me tea and fancy soap and beeswax candles and socks and things like that.

[imagine.more]

https://www.etsy.com/listing/199040809/anatomical-womb-charm?ref=shop_home_active_8

Mentioned this in another thread. In 17 years of being married to dh and owning a lovely James Avery charm bracelet for 25 years, he has purchased exactly one charm for it- until now. You'd think he would have purchased a charm when we bought our first house or for our first Christmas together or for any other wonderful occasion- nope. I had a open hysterectomy 10 days ago. For some very odd reason, dh felt moved to give me this peculiar charm. Yuck. I want it out of my house. This charm made me cry today. I thought it was a joke initially. No, it wasn't a joke. Worst.Christmas.gift.ever.

Thank you so much for sharing because that etsy shop just gave us THE biggest laugh!! They have intestinal tract charms, bahaha!!! I'm dying!

 

Also, my husband got me salt this year. When we were dating he got me a dictionary, so I can't say I didn't know what kind of gifts I could expect in my marriage :)

[Cindy in FL.]

I got absolutely nothing. As in, not a homemade drawing from a kid, nothing from dh, nothing from my parents. I usually get pretty much nothing and try to be not petty, but I am tired of being the bigger person. It hurts. It shows just what people think of me.

I'm so sorry. That stinks and it's not the least bit petty to think so!

[48820592]

We have not had xmas  with the in-laws yet, however, I am dreading it because of the gifts my mil gives.  One year I got a used book on the geology of Arizona, another year I recieved 2 really ugly bright red pillows from the used store that smelled horrible, my 15 yr old son got a used girl's shirt, and the list goes on.  I hate having all eyes on me when I open the gift because I'm not good at faking it.  

Edited December 27, 2015 by 48820592

[Spryte]

My dh finally (gently) got the message. He does great now! He goes to the local handmade market and gets me tea and fancy soap and beeswax candles and socks and things like that.

Yay! That's so cool. My DH will do great next year, I've no doubt. He just didn't realize how much I enjoy that little stuff. In the past, my mom has come for Xmas Eve, and she always slipped some stuff in the stockings. It made it less obvious. :)

[aggieamy]

We have not had xmas  with the in-laws yet, however, I am dreading it because of the gifts my mil gives.  One year I got a used book on the geology of Arizona, another year I recieved 2 really ugly bright red pillows from the used store that smelled horrible, my 15 yr old son got a used girl's shirt, and the list goes on.  I hate having all eyes on me when I open the gift because I'm not good at faking it.  

 

Is there anyway you could sneak a gift or two under the tree that would be something you liked?  Nothing big.  Maybe a book you wanted to read.  It would be wonderfully funny to see her face when you unwrapped the new illustrated Harry Potter book.  

 

"Oh dearest MIL!  I have been wanting this.  Thank you so much.  That was so THOUGHTFUL."

[Hannahs4]

https://www.etsy.com/listing/199040809/anatomical-womb-charm?ref=shop_home_active_8

Mentioned this in another thread. In 17 years of being married to dh and owning a lovely James Avery charm bracelet for 25 years, he has purchased exactly one charm for it- until now. You'd think he would have purchased a charm when we bought our first house or for our first Christmas together or for any other wonderful occasion- nope. I had a open hysterectomy 10 days ago. For some very odd reason, dh felt moved to give me this peculiar charm. Yuck. I want it out of my house. This charm made me cry today. I thought it was a joke initially. No, it wasn't a joke. Worst.Christmas.gift.ever.

Maybe you can find him a prostate shaped charm to return the favor. 😳

[VeteranMom]

Maybe you can find him a prostate shaped charm to return the favor. 😳

They have a brain charm on the site.  Maybe I need to get him one of those?  

Better today than yesterday.  I still can't believe he thought the charm was appropriate.  It's just baffling.  He said my hysterectomy was a "milestone".  I said no, it's a surgery and is something I want to heal from and forget about, since it's an awful thing to have to go through.  Having his kids, buying our first house, a birthday, or being a homeschool mom- those are things deserving of a charm.     

[myfunnybunch]

Yay! That's so cool. My DH will do great next year, I've no doubt. He just didn't realize how much I enjoy that little stuff. In the past, my mom has come for Xmas Eve, and she always slipped some stuff in the stockings. It made it less obvious. :)

 

What a sweetie your dh is. It's great that he figured it out by listening to what you said. :)

 

Mine figured it out when he realized I'd put a few little things that I wanted into my own stocking, which I'd started after a couple years of the boys asking why my stocking was so empty, and they knew dh and I filled stockings for one another. He really paid attention, too, because those same kinds of items showed up in my stocking the next year. â¤ï¸

[Lady Florida.]

We got ds the processor he wanted for his gaming computer and it isn't working. He updated everything he's supposed to update and says it should work, but it doesn't. We got him the exact one he wanted and he says not to feel bad since he's the one who chose it, but I feel bad anyway. I wanted it to work and for him to be excited.

 

Fortunately we got him a few other things that he's happy with but that still bothers me.

 

 

[JustEm]

This one is disappointing if it was intended as a nudge against homeschooling or just a careless oversight by the gift giver, whoever it was. Disclaimer, my kids got a buttload from relatives and 2 of the relatives had the same theme for one of their gifts, a few books each kid. With 4 kids and 2 people giving roughly 5 books each we have a lot of new books. I also am not sure which giver gave which books because they all were those scholastic readers schools use.

 

Of the 20 books my oldest 2 got, 8 were "I love school" themed! Now I want to believe this was simply an oversight and the giver just picked age appropriate books from a list and didn't pay attention to the titles or content. But at the same time one person is an assistant superintendent in the public school system and the other is a daycare provider with an education background. Neither would openly disapprove because that isn't what dh's family does. But I'd rather them openly discuss it instead of giving my children books about how much fun being in a classroom is.

 

I'm going to assume it was an oversight since this is the first time anything like this has happened

[mom2samlibby]

This one is disappointing if it was intended as a nudge against homeschooling or just a careless oversight by the gift giver, whoever it was. Disclaimer, my kids got a buttload from relatives and 2 of the relatives had the same theme for one of their gifts, a few books each kid. With 4 kids and 2 people giving roughly 5 books each we have a lot of new books. I also am not sure which giver gave which books because they all were those scholastic readers schools use.

 

Of the 20 books my oldest 2 got, 8 were "I love school" themed! Now I want to believe this was simply an oversight and the giver just picked age appropriate books from a list and didn't pay attention to the titles or content. But at the same time one person is an assistant superintendent in the public school system and the other is a daycare provider with an education background. Neither would openly disapprove because that isn't what dh's family does. But I'd rather them openly discuss it instead of giving my children books about how much fun being in a classroom is.

 

I'm going to assume it was an oversight since this is the first time anything like this has happened

 

I personally would assume that they got them free or at a extreme discount since they were scholastic readers and fit the age range of your children, so they gave them to your family.

[38carrots]

They have a brain charm on the site.  Maybe I need to get him one of those?  

Better today than yesterday.  I still can't believe he thought the charm was appropriate.  It's just baffling.  He said my hysterectomy was a "milestone".  I said no, it's a surgery and is something I want to heal from and forget about, since it's an awful thing to have to go through.  Having his kids, buying our first house, a birthday, or being a homeschool mom- those are things deserving of a charm.     

 

I became intrigued about other charms found on Etsy. Here's one your DH might enjoy to commemorate this Christmas. You are welcome.

 

https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/110633377/jackass-keychain-animal-charm-donkey?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=asshole%20charm&ref=sr_gallery_1

Edited December 27, 2015 by 38carrots

[Catwoman]

I became intrigued about other charms found on Etsy. Here one your DH might enjoy to commemorate this Christmas. You are welcome.

 

https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/110633377/jackass-keychain-animal-charm-donkey?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=asshole%20charm&ref=sr_gallery_1

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Jasperstone]

Asked for a sarong and got a large designer scarf instead!

[Jasperstone]

My dd 13 got a book titled- All you need to know about fish oil. Lol!!!!!

 

 

Luckily, her grandma also gave her $50 as she has NO CLUE!

[Liz CA]

Not so much "disappointing" as "forgotten", but DH bought me a chocolate fountain for Christmas. I know this because DH is horrible at hiding gifts and his it in one of his (very deep) dresser drawers... when I'm the one who ends up putting his clothes away because he never gets around to it, lol. It wasn't for anyone else, we plan out all our gifts for family members and friends together. He even dropped a hint about it a few days ago when I was making chocolate truffles and was at the tricky final stage where you enrobe them, about how one of my gifts might make this a lot easier.

 

He forgot to give it to me. I put away laundry again this morning and it's still there in his drawer. We're having a Christmas party with extended family is just a few hours and it would be REALLY nice to have it around for the party... but I'm not sure how to go about reminding him to give me a Christmas gift when I'm not supposed to know about it, lol.

 

Geeeez. I'd probably say: "Look what I found in the drawer. May I use it for tonight's party. I will put it back afterwards."  :) :)

 

[kiwik]

We did OK.  My mother got me a paperwhite kindle cover instead of a touch but hopefully that can be fixed and ds6's new tablet doesn't work on Nana's wifi but I think his old one of the same brand worked better at out house too so it should be OK once we get home.