Living with food restrictions and family support--is it that difficult to understand?

[38carrots]

Or am I missing something and being too sensitive?

 

DH has been buying and cookies that DD14 can't have. Those cookies are rather special to her as it was a special treat we used buy when she was a toddler and young pre-schooler, and we had a lemonade and cookie  parties with her. She hasn't been able to have them in years, and she has fond memories of them. We haven't bought them in years either.

 

When DH first got the "family pack" of them, she tried to ask him not to do it anymore. I talked to DD then and I have been talking sicne then, that even though it is tough for her to have them around, Dad has a full right to buy them and enjoy them, and that she shouldn't try to control what other people eat. So it is not that I support her asking him not to buy the cookies. I think she was out of line.

 

However, I do understand that it can be hard for a person, especially a child with a food restriction, when their loved ones eat that food in front of them. I think it is actually more difficult than witnessing other people eat foods that you can't have. And more difficult when it is a treat that DH can easily eat out of sight.

 

DH eats them in front of DD and tells her that it is morally petty not to be happy for him when he enjoys them and instead to have little pangs of regret that she can't have them.

 

He claims that this feeling is totally alien to him, and he can't imagine feeling sad and a bit upset seeing a family member eat something that he can't have. He says he'd be only happy for them.

 

Which is the closest to your own feelings? Attaching a poll.

 

 

[ashfern]

Normally I'd say that she just needs to get over it but this is a close family member. He needs to show some compassion to her. I think he's being rude. Why is an adult acting like that? I'm sure there's more to the history there.

[moonsong]

I think because of your daughter's fond memories of the cookies it is insensitive of your husband to eat them in front of her.  Other foods yes she has to learn to live with not being able to eat what others can. However, in this particular case I think your husband is being insensitive.

[kbutton]

It wouldn't let me vote. I have food restrictions, and while I think it's normal to be sad that you can't have something, at some point, you should get used to seeing people eat stuff you can't (overall). I think it's okay to be a bit sad. I don't think being sad means that you are negating the experience of the person who is eating the stuff.

 

I do think that choosing a food strongly attached to a very special childhood memory and then flaunting it is rude and insensitive. If your daughter has a lot of foods in this category, then maybe she needs some help working through what to do about so many special memories, but if it's just this one thing (or a couple of thing), and your DH isn't willing to eat them in private, I think he needs to be the bigger person and not eat it in front of her. 

 

Does she have some positive and new traditions around foods she can eat? That might help too. Maybe she is feeling like she doesn't have an equally positive memory to replace this one.

[barnwife]

Well, no one in our house currently has food restrictions, so I didn't vote.

That being said, when our oldest was a baby, I gave up many foods (dairy, soy, and tomatoes come to mind) for a while to see if that would decrease his spitting up.

I did not expect DH to give all of those things up, but I was an adult. To be fair, he did significantly reduce his consumption of those foods. But that was mostly because I do most of the cooking and I certainly wasn't cooking things I couldn't eat.

I'll go ahead and give my opinion of your DH's behavior. It may not be the popular one, but oh well.

I think he is being incredibly mean. Eating them in front of a child who can't have them is so awful and mean. Frankly, I'd toss any of them I found in the house before I put my kid through that.

There must be some treat that both DH and your daughter could enjoy. If he must have these cookies, he should eat them when your daughter isn't around.

[Arcadia]

About half my family don't eat beef due to religious reasons. We still go to In-N-Out and get a milkshake or fries or veggie burger while the beef eaters enjoy the burgers.

 

An aunt has geriatric diabetes. We try not to eat sweet stuff in her presence since she has a sweet tooth.

 

I also have friends who turn vegan and they don't mind us eating our non-vegan lunches with them. They used to be ommivores.

 

A classmate of my kid who is gluten allergic is okay with us eating our stuff with him. He would happily accept our gluten free store bought snack but he understands those are more expensive so we seldom buy gluten free snacks.

[Jean in Newcastle]

A lot of controlling here.

 

You can't control what another person eats.

 

And you can't control another person's feelings.  

[Melinda in VT]

No, you can't control what other people eat, but it's perfectly reasonable to ask those you live with to be supportive of your health.

 

Honestly, I think your husband is being an ass.

[Spryte]

I don't generally eat food that DS can't have in front of him.  Once in a while, if it's something that he doesn't enjoy, I might.  But not often.  Definitely not something that he used to love, and can no longer have.  If I *must* have something he loves that he can no longer eat, I do it out of our home, and don't tell him.

 

I have food restrictions, too, and feel sadness that I can no longer eat certain foods.  I don't mind if someone eats it in front of me, and I understand intellectually, but I still feel sad.  I'd rather keep breathing, but seriously - I miss shellfish.  

 

As for building a thicker skin, sure  - that's going to happen with or without my being the one to do it.  My kid has LTFAs, lots of them.  At the beginning of our journey, our allergist talked to us about making our home a safe haven, a place where our son didn't have to be afraid of food.  We've lived that ever since.  We don't keep any of his anaphylactic foods in the house.  His wheat and dairy allergies are not as severe, not anaphylactic (yet, they could become so, they are IgE mediate allergies that exacerbate his asthma and terrible rashes), so we keep those items in the house - he generally doesn't care about those as he has good substitutes.  But I won't, say, eat a donut in front of him unless we have a comparable substitute in the house for him to eat.  Does that make sense?  I want his childhood to be the best it can be, and I want to support him.  I don't think eating a favorite food that he can no longer have in front of him will give him a better childhood.

[Loowit]

I have a child with severe allergies to foods and we can't keep them in the house just due to the nature of the allergy.  It wasn't fun to give up certain foods, especially food that we were used to and like, but it was a safety issue.  However, there were certain foods he can be around just not eat and we do have those around at times but make sure there is a suitable alternaive for him.  However, he has asked that we not keep ice cream he can't have, and we respect that request.

 

I think that in your case it is one food item with a very special memory and I would honor that request.  I think that is the compassionate thing to do.  Yes, you and your DH have a right to have whatever foods in the house you want, but is that food worth hurting your child's feelings over.  Foods that we can't have in the house are eaten at friends house or work (for DH) when DS isn't around.  That way we can have a special treat and it isn't upsetting DS.

[abba12]

Theres a difference between eating a restricted food in front of someone (me eating custard with my pie in front of a lactose intollerant person)  and eating something special with memories attached in front of a person it used to be special for (your DH continuing to eat cookies that he used to buy for DD which were special).

 

Usually, the restricted person just needs to suck it up and accept that people will eat around them. But in this SPECIFIC incident, where it's a father with memories involved regarding the food, he should be more sensitive. 

[38carrots]

Normally I'd say that she just needs to get over it but this is a close family member. He needs to show some compassion to her. I think he's being rude. Why is an adult acting like that? I'm sure there's more to the history there.

 

I'm still struggling to understand whether DH has Aspergers, or being simply insensitive.

 

We had a conversation about this issue with DH, and it is like we are talking different languages. It was odd, to say the least. It seems that whenever there's something related to feelings, memories, special attachments, he is not grasping this, unable to relate, and thinks that our way of understanding and feeling is wrong.

 

This is my thing as well--she needs to get over it, but he needs to be more compassionate. DD is so upset because it is DAD. She sees other people eat what she can't have all the time, and she deals just fine / not affected.

 

[bettyandbob]

Wow!

 

My dd has celiac. She is 18. We've been living with this since she was 4.

 

I do not bring home donuts and eat them in front of her and expect her to be happy I can eat donuts. My house is safe for all the people who live here, especially my dc.

 

For years I never ate something she couldn't have in front of her. However, eating while traveling can be difficult. In the last few years we will get her gluten free food and order something she can't eat for ourselves. At the same time that is for basic meals. We do not then order elaborate desserts in front of her. She goes to plenty of social events where she can observe others enjoying stuff she can't eat. Why would we, her family, make her sit through that with us.

 

FWIW dd does fine with handling social eating. I just don't think I should add to what she already puts up with. I see it as family supporting eachother.

[38carrots]

It wouldn't let me vote. I have food restrictions, and while I think it's normal to be sad that you can't have something, at some point, you should get used to seeing people eat stuff you can't (overall). I think it's okay to be a bit sad. I don't think being sad means that you are negating the experience of the person who is eating the stuff.

 

I do think that choosing a food strongly attached to a very special childhood memory and then flaunting it is rude and insensitive. If your daughter has a lot of foods in this category, then maybe she needs some help working through what to do about so many special memories, but if it's just this one thing (or a couple of thing), and your DH isn't willing to eat them in private, I think he needs to be the bigger person and not eat it in front of her. 

 

Does she have some positive and new traditions around foods she can eat? That might help too. Maybe she is feeling like she doesn't have an equally positive memory to replace this one.

 

Yes, we have special foods that she can eat. That was DH's point too--we do buy her lots of treats (like expensive cheeses that she loves) to "compensate" for what she can't have. Which DD gets, and I get. But DH doesn't get that it is still sometimes hard for DD.

[catz]

At first I was thinking this was a friend or a more distant relation.  And then, yes absolutely.  Buck up kiddo.  But a father?  Heck yes, he should be supportive of his kid and I think he's intentionally being a jerk.  Tell your DH to binge eat them at work or in his car or something.  It's not like he even has to really give them up! 

 

I have some allergies and sensitivities.  I have thick skin.  I see people eat what I can't have all the time.  I MAKE stuff I can't make at times.  It's different when we're talking about a minor child in her own home with those who should love and support her best.  Honestly, I'm not seeing it as a great set up for a good adult parent-child relationship. 

[zoobie]

She's a kid. I think it's kind of jerky for him to chow down on them in front of her as he knows they were special to her. My DH and I wouldn't do that to a child. We'd buy them and eat them privately (at work, when she's out or in bed) unless it would be dangerous to have them in the house at all.

 

I had a very restricted diet for 6 months when I had to eliminate almost everything for my nursing baby. I still made my family their meals and favorites, but I didn't want to eat at the table with them many nights. If my DH had picked up my favorite cookie and munched it in my face, I'd have been pissed.

[bolt.]

I think, in general, people with food restrictions must find ways to cope with the average foods that others consume.

 

However, I think parental sensitivity is an expression of the special sacrificial and unconditional love that comes with that territory -- similar to how one would expect a spouse to treat you, different from the way you would expect a room mate to treat you.

 

When those things intersect over sentimental cookies, I can see either person being 'in the right'... The dad's 'life lesson' is correct, and it is loving (in a way) for him to provide it. On the other hand, these cookies seem particularly special, so I'd hope that the Dad could see some grounds for teaching her that she can expect some people, at least, to show her unwarranted kindness instead of logical life lessons. (I'm sure these cookies are not the only things that she must avoid that her family members eat around her in the course of daily life.)

[bettyandbob]

Is there any reason you dh cannot buy smaller packs of said cookies and eat them at lunch AT WORK.

 

I don't care if the dd is 14. A parent should be more caring. Everywhere else the dd goes she has to "suck it up" why can't home be a place she doesn't have to do that. Why can't home be safe? Everyone needs a refuge. Home should not be a place where crap is rubbed in the face of a teen.

[Hyacinth]

If it were a stranger or casual acquaintance, I'd encourage her to just deal. It's her dad? I'd be spitting mad and sad and bitter on her behalf.

[Amira]

If someone is being petty, it's your dh for telling your daughter that she ought to be happy he's eating the cookies.  It's pretty awful that he's being a jerk and eating the cookies in front of her, but demanding that she like it is even worse.  

[tm919]

I think your husband is being insensitive. How can he think this is ok? It boggles the mind... surely there are plenty of delicious cookies out there he can eat at home, and plenty of other places to eat these particular cookies other than at home. 

 

Edit: Maybe I'm the one who is dense, because if my husband were doing this, I'd think he were being spiteful on purpose. It's hard to believe he isn't just digging in his heels and willfully refusing to "see" the problem.

[bettyandbob]

Your poll doesn't match your situation. What I expect of myself in dealing with this type of situation is different than what I'd expect from a teen dealing a parent in a shared home.

 

This is not an adult attending a family event with relatives he sees twice a year. This is a teen who lives with her parents and is supposed to be treated with compassion by her parents.

[kitten18]

No, you can't control what other people eat, but it's perfectly reasonable to ask those you live with to be supportive of your health.

 

Honestly, I think your husband is being an ass.

Exactly! Wow, I think he's being incredibly mean.

[TechWife]

A lot of controlling here.

 

You can't control what another person eats.

 

And you can't control another person's feelings.

I agree! Also, it is unwise to expect someone to hide food, to hide when they are eating in general or to hide when they are eating a particular food. This can lead to all kinds of problems surrounding food.

 

At fourteen, a person should be able to cope with someone eating something they can't have, as long as their health isn't endangered by the presence of the food, as with a peanut allergy. I would encourage your daughter to enjoy the fond memories she has, to bring out a snack she can eat and a glass of lemonade for each of them so that they can make some new memories together!

[UCF612]

My oldest has multiple food allergies. Some food he's never had like pizza. We eat thor things in front of him but make him things he enjoys. He doesn't know what he's missing though he does desperately wish he could eat normally. Foods that he was in the last able to eat but can no longer eat we try to avoid as much as possible. He's 8 if that matters. Sometimes he expresses that he hates when we go out to eat. We try to avoid when possible and respect his pain when he's particularly sensitive about it. Other times he either doesn't mind or we have no choice. He eats a packed at home meal when we eat out and we try to include something he loves so he can feel like he's not missing out as much. It is a fine line between knowing life has to go on around him but also respecting that his food allergies suck big time for him.

[EmseB]

My son has food allergies and we work very hard to teach him not to be upset if he can't have something that other people are having, and that includes at home.

 

That said, the way you describe the way your DH is interacting with your daughter about this particular food sounds, honestly, very mean.

[EmilyGF]

While I don't think I'd do that if I was dad (I'd probably buy the cookies in small packs and eat them when she wasn't around), I think a 14-year-old needs to deal with it. Can you and your hubby find a substitute food for the special one?

 

FWIW, I'm from CA where it seems "cool" to have a food restriction. Everyone has one just about. So I just came to terms with the fact that people who have restricted diets are hard to eat around and moved on.

 

I don't eat peanuts around my cousin who has been taken to the hospital multiple times for reactions. But I do eat bread around my gluten-free cousin and I snacked around my other cousin when he was on a strict diet. 

 

Emily

 

ETA: Being from CA, I knew many people who had food restrictions when they felt like it. For instance, a woman who wouldn't eat breaded meat because she "couldn't have gluten" but would sneak bites of cake because "I just love it so much!" Or "dairy free" people who would ask you not to use cheese but would add cream to their coffee. Does your DH not respect her food allergy (I'm assuming this is an allergy, not a chosen life-style like being a vegan?)? I really stopped respecting non-anaphylactic reactions due to the CA "allergy" culture.

[Catwoman]

Another vote that your dh is being insensitive. He can easily choose a different snack, or if for some bizarre reason he is unable to live without these particular cookies, he can buy a package and eat them at work.

 

Frankly, I think your dh is being selfish and childish. He should be putting your dd's feelings before his own. If anyone is being "morally petty," it's your dh, not your dd.

[SKL]

It's not the end of the world, but it's not very kind of him to wave something in front of her face like that.  I could understand it on rare occasions, but not regularly.  She can suck it up, but I think the more important question is, what is her dad teaching her about human compassion?

 

I don't eat stuff in front of people who can't have something comparable.  It's inconsiderate if not cruel.

 

Also, she's 14.  Sounds like dad expects her to be fully enlightened like the Buddha.  Phooey.  14 is a tough, hormonal age and girls take things personally.

[Catwoman]

I'm still struggling to understand whether DH has Aspergers, or being simply insensitive.

 

We had a conversation about this issue with DH, and it is like we are talking different languages. It was odd, to say the least. It seems that whenever there's something related to feelings, memories, special attachments, he is not grasping this, unable to relate, and thinks that our way of understanding and feeling is wrong.

 

This is my thing as well--she needs to get over it, but he needs to be more compassionate. DD is so upset because it is DAD. She sees other people eat what she can't have all the time, and she deals just fine / not affected.

 

Ultimately, it doesn't matter if your dh has Asperger's or if he is just being insensitive. If he loves your dd (and I'm sure he does,) he should put her feelings ahead of his own, particularly when it's about something as incredibly stupid as cookies. He doesn't have to understand or agree with her feelings, but he should respect and honor them.

 

Ask him if cookies are more important than your dd's feelings.

[38carrots]

Ultimately, it doesn't matter if your dh has Asperger's or if he is just being insensitive. If he loves your dd (and I'm sure he does,) he should put her feelings ahead of his own, particularly when it's about something as incredibly stupid as cookies. He doesn't have to understand or agree with her feelings, but he should respect and honor them.

 

Ask him if cookies are more important than your dd's feelings.

 

He doesn't "believe" in feelings and he'd say he doesn't care about them.

 

I think it is a combination of Asperger's and being incredibly stubborn. He is not able to understand the feelings part as an important part of one's self. I guess in the same way that I'm not sure I'm able to fully understand how a Dad can eat cookies in front of a kid who is anaphylactic to them. Btw, if he told her, "Gosh, I really crave those. Go see if you have any GF cookies in the house, let's munch together and enjoy the show. Too bad you can't have those ones, I know it's tough since those were your favourites," she would have been completely and totally find with that.

 

 

[marbel]

I haven't read all the responses.  We have no food restrictions in our house.  But, if we did, there is no way one of us would flaunt something that another person liked but could not eat.  Sure, your daughter needs to understand that people will eat things she can't have, and she'll have to deal with that.  She shouldn't have to deal with her own father doing it. 

 

I'm kind of mad on your daughter's behalf.  

 

ETA: Why can't he buy the cookies and store them where she won't find them, and eat them when she's not around?

 

 

[forty-two]

My dd7 has food restrictions, and though we eat things she can't have, we always have an equivalent item for her. If there's nothing comparable, then we save it until I can get her something. I don't feel right eating in front of someone without offering to share (so dh and I save the treats we don't want the kids to eat till after bed), and with dd7's food restrictions that means not eating something in front of her if there's nothing comparable for her to have.

 

When we go out, I tend to bring along snacks in case there's not enough she can eat, and sometimes I promise to get her something at home if there's an unexpected or special treat she can't have. All the kids have opportunities to see people having treats that aren't shared, and dd7 has the additional (and common) problem of being offered treats she can't have and having to wait till we get home to have anything of her own. She deals with it pretty well, but I do what I can to make things easier for her, and part of that is making home a place where she can eat "normally", as close to everyone else as possible. I'm really having problems understanding your dh openly eating things your dd can't have in front of her, because that's goes against our family culture and I'm having a hard time seeing it as anything but hurtful.

[KungFuPanda]

You have a battle of wills over cookies. At her age, she shouldn't be attempting to micromanage anyone's eating unless it effects her health. He shouldn't be attempting to micromanage anyone's feelings. It sounds like op is the peacekeeper between two similarly stubborn people.

[marbel]

I agree! Also, it is unwise to expect someone to hide food, to hide when they are eating in general or to hide when they are eating a particular food. This can lead to all kinds of problems surrounding food.

 

<snip>

 

You think the father's going to develop an eating disorder because he saves the cookies to eat at work or after his child goes to bed? 

 

[ChocolateReignRemix]

Your husband is being a butt head.

[zoobie]

He doesn't "believe" in feelings and he'd say he doesn't care about them.

 

I think it is a combination of Asperger's and being incredibly stubborn. He is not able to understand the feelings part as an important part of one's self. I guess in the same way that I'm not sure I'm able to fully understand how a Dad can eat cookies in front of a kid who is anaphylactic to them. Btw, if he told her, "Gosh, I really crave those. Go see if you have any GF cookies in the house, let's munch together and enjoy the show. Too bad you can't have those ones, I know it's tough since those were your favourites," she would have been completely and totally find with that.

This and other things you've brought up sound more like raging narcissism than Asperger's. There's a difference in not reading people's feelings well and simply not giving a crap (or worse, intentionally causing hurt).

[Carol in Cal.]

I can't answer your poll because it requires answers to all three questions and the first two are self-contradictory.

 

Anyway,

I became allergic to kiwi in adulthood.  I like it, but I'm not able to have it.  But it's not an issue for me, I don't yearn for it and I don't care if someone eats it in front of me at all.  The only thing I care about is cross-contamination.

 

DH must eat very low carb, because both of his parents are diabetics and he has tendencies that way.

I can't eat totally low carb like he does, but when we are eating together at home I try to make sure that there are reasonable selections within his diet for him to have.  But I haven't, for instance, given up spaghetti.  I love spaghetti, and he really can't have it, and he likes it, too, and that's just how it is.

 

But the one thing I never ever make anymore is peanut butter cookies.  DH ADORES peanut butter cookies, and can't eat them in moderation.  So  I skip them, because they are very special to him and kind of are a symbol of all of the restrictions he has, so it would make him feel just awful if I made them and ate them in front of him, extraordinarily so.  And I think those cookies of your daughter's are in that category, and your husband should not bring them home and eat them in front of her.

 

 

 

[Excelsior! Academy]

He is being insensitive, but dd needs to move on.  She can physically remove herself from the room or keep a stash of new favorites to enjoy when he eats those cookies.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eta:  He really *should* eat them privately.  It is pretty disrespectful to her in this particular circumstance.

[forty-two]

You have a battle of wills over cookies. At her age, she shouldn't be attempting to micromanage anyone's eating unless it effects her health. He shouldn't be attempting to micromanage anyone's feelings. It sounds like op is the peacekeeper between two similarly stubborn people.

Idk how it is in the op's family, but in our family someone eating in front of others and refusing to share with everyone present (where someone being left out because of known food restrictions is as comparably rude as refusing to share with them) would be breaking family rules, and imo it would be legitimate for a family member to be upset and call out the offender. Yeah, those rules don't apply to everyone, and out in the world you just have to suck it up and deal, but within the family, it *is* the rule, and it applies to every family member.

 

But it sounds like the OP's family has conflicting ideas of what is the right way to handle these situations, so there's no clear family rule or culture to appeal to, which makes it extra difficult.

[Joanne]

The parts that bother me are the use of "moral" in this context. Very heavy, intense, and punishing.

 

I also have a strong reaction to the stated expectation of the non-cookie eating person "being happy" over the consumer of cookies. There is something to that that bugs me.

 

If this is a departure and outlier for your husband, I'd tell him my thoughts and move on - but I'd allow my dd to feel what she feels. If it fits into a larger pattern, well, we'd be in therapy.

[almondbutterandjelly]

I, too, think he's being a jerk.

 

However, if he has Asperger's, it might help to frame it as a manners issue.  Manners say that if you cannot share your food, you do not eat it in front of others.  While it is not a typical "not sharing" reason, it is in fact still an inability to share.  So try the manners thing.  What he's doing is very rude.  That might work.  My aspie relative read a book on manners once, and it helped him.

 

[Guest]

I have food restrictions. My husband and kids don't. They eat cookies, pizza, and homemade nachos in front of my multiple times per week. I get over it because that's life.

 

I make safe analogs of the food for myself when I want it, but the fact remains that takes a lot of prep and planning and the world doesn't stop just because I'm weird.

 

I'm an adult, however, and for a kid or teen who is obviously sensitive about this I'd tell him he is upsetting her and to just save the items for when she is done eating or in bed. If he waits until she is out of the room and she is still bugged that's starting to show the problem is more on her end and she needs to make peace with it.

[SeaConquest]

Wait. She has anaphylaxis with the cookies and he's still eating them? That not only sounds rude, it seems dangerous.

[Btervet]

Dad sounds like he's being a jerk. And Asperger's is no excuse, especially not after you explained her feelings. He doesn't have to understand them to respect them.

 

If she was throwing tantrums demanding that no one in the family ever eat daily/gluten/nuts/etc that would be one thing. But she's not. She's a child asking her dad not to rub it in her face that she can't have a favorite cookie.

 

Child is sad. Dad can fix it with little to no effort or consequence. Why wouldn't he?

[38carrots]

Wait. She has anaphylaxis with the cookies and he's still eating them? That not only sounds rude, it seems dangerous.

 

She's fine (allergy-wise) unless she actually eats them.

[amy g.]

I have children with celiac and children who can eat almost anything. I would never allow my celiac kids to dictate what someone else eats, so sometimes, one kid orders a dessert at a restaurant that has no gluten free desserts and the celiac kid kind of frowns. I might suggest stopping and getting a treat for them on the way home, but I don't think that their feelings of sadness trump their siblings right to eat what they want.

 

Having said that, even my 5 year old has figured out that if she wants a close relationship with her sisters, she should be sensitive to their feelings. She will only ask for donuts or crackers at times when all of the older kids are out of the house, but that is something she chooses, not something they have asked her to do.

[FO4UR]

I agree that your dh is being mean.  It sounds like he's gloating about the cookies, not merely just eating them.  Your dd must have the patience of a saint b/c my allergic child would have made a stink.

 

I've got a child allergic to nuts, and dad bought peanut butter the week he went away for camp.  There were lots of hard feelings b/c ds understands that a little pb smeared and left could cause an anaphylactic reaction...put him in the ER or worse!!!  Was a little bit of peanut butter worth that risk?

 

 

You said your dd has an anaphylactic reaction to the food.  What if there were a cross contamination?  Is it worth the risk?  It's so far beyond just the self-control of desiring the cookies.  It's realizing a parent is willing to put my life on the line for his enjoyment of a cookie...if she's anaphylactic to the food, that is exactly the case.

 

 

 

And, "yeah" to Joanne's thoughts about being "happy."  Trying to control another person's feelings (especially when you are the one hurting them) is something that should not be accepted and needs to be addressed. 

[Joker]

Dad's being a jerk. I could see him buying them one time, but once his dd asked him to stop I find it incredibly immature and rude that he didn't. We'd be having words and I would 100% be on my child's side. It's cookies! It's something terribly important dad must eat in front of his child who can't have them. 

[Word Nerd]

If he only eats them in front of her to teach her a lesson, he's full of hooey and acting like a bully.